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Creative Non-Fiction


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Creative Non-Fiction

GUESTS: A BLESSING OR A BURDEN?

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This article (edited version) was first published on ‘Travel Log Magazine’ an insert of Standard Newspaper on 1/8/2019

There is this Albanian proverb that says, ‘Every guest hates the others, and the host hates them all.’ As arguable as this can be, we can all agree that there are certain kinds of guests we detest to the core. However, there are those we long to meet again.

During the last edition, we looked at different kinds of hosts, and now we get to have a look at the opposite side. What kind of visitor are you or what kind have you received?

1. The Entertainer

They come with all the merry the house needs. They will tell endless stories, crack jokes, play with the kids…the house couldn’t be livelier. Once the visitor leaves, you can feel their absence due to their charm and happy spirit. You can’t wait to host them again.

“If it were not for guests all houses would be graves.” -Kahlil Gibran

2. The Worrier

They are constantly worried about all their moves. ‘Is it okay to use their toothpaste or should I have bought my own?’ ‘Am I too loud on the phone?’ ‘Is it appropriate to go to sleep before they do?’ ‘They are whispering…Are they talking about me?!’ The visitor is walking on eggshells and can’t do a single thing in the house without over-thinking the consequences of their actions.

3. The Over-stayer

Prince Philip once said, “ The art of being a good guest is to know when to leave.”
Dude doesn’t know the meaning of ‘time-to-go’. They initially came for a three day visit and ended up staying for three months and counting. They are unapologetic about their over-stay and act totally unbothered whether the host is happy about it or not.

“The first day a guest, the second day a guest, the third day a calamity.” –Indian proverb

4. Lazy-bone

However long their stay is, they still act as a visitor. They wake up very late, leave their plate on the table, never offer help not even a fake, pretentious one. They don’t help AT ALL. You could be drowning with chores and errands to do but they’d still go about with their own business; unbothered. You are alone mate.

5. The Foodie

They eat anything they come across in the house so long as it is edible. You dared leave your pizza in the fridge overnight? It became their midnight snack. You bought biscuits for your children? They needed something to munch. You set aside some ugali for your brother? Your visitor wasn’t satisfied with the initial lunch you offered. The moment you see them, you just put away all the food you have, including the sweet your kid is eating.

“A daily guest is a great thief in the kitchen.” -Dutch Proverbs

6. The messy one

They expect you as the host to do all the cleaning. That includes making their bed after they wake up, clearing their messy room, washing their dirty clothes that they intentionally left mixed up with yours. In short, you are there literally at their service.

7. The nosy gossip

They have a keen eye to details. They know which part of the house needs some cleaning, how your child is a total failure at school and when last your husband came home. You won’t even know how much they know until after their departure and your other gossiping aunty at the village, miles away, will inform you of what they heard. Funny enough, despite all they’ll say about you, they won’t be ashamed to come over at your place again. They act totally innocent and oblivious of their actions and even bring you some other gossip when they come around.

“A guest sees more in an hour than the host in a year.” -Polish Proverbs

8. The Chef

They love cooking and are too good at it. They always offer to make themselves helpful at the kitchen and everyone can’t wait to eat their meals. They will prepare full course meals from starters to dessert and you couldn’t be a happier host. In fact, you want to suggest they move in with you. These are the kind of blessings you need to keep, aye?!

9. The over-compensator

They feel highly indebted for all the host is doing for them so they try all they can to ‘return the favour’. They will wash the dishes, pick your child from school, and buy gifts for your family every time they leave the house. They will do chores even when it is uncalled for. This is their way to say thank you only it is more of THANK YOU in bold, capital letters, underlined being screamed at the top of their voices.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, ‘The ornaments of a house are the friends who frequent it.’

10. Non-commenters

As a host, you could go out of the way to please them and make their stay as comfortable as possible, but your honourable guest will always be expressionless about everything. They leave you guessing all the time because you never know when they like something or not, what they prefer and what not. They don’t give comments, suggestions or criticisms even when you ask them. It may be hard to make them happy because you don’t really know how to…

11. The Demanding one

They don’t really care how your ‘pocket situation’ is or whether it is beyond your means, but they’d always make demands. They’d ask for special meals, special tours or even want some of the objects/materials in the house for themselves. They will, without shame, ask for these favours and sometimes make the host feel guilty for not meeting their needs, or rather, their high demands.

“The guest who seeks special attention muddies the host’s tea.” –Japanese proverb

Truly, guests make our home more beautiful, livelier and lovelier. We just have to ensure to know our boundaries and be more sensitive when staying at other people’s homes.

“The house that receives no guests, never receives angels.” -Turkish Proverb

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8 KINDS OF HOSTS YOU ARE LIKELY TO MEET

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This article (edited version) was first published on ‘Travel Log Magazine’ an insert of Standard Newspaper on 5/7/2019

Do you remember that one family that you stayed with and you decided to never ever stay at someone’s home again? Or perhaps that one warm family that treated you too well this one time you visited, you now have a permanent suitcase at their home ‘in case’ you need a bed for the night. I bet we all have memories of the places we’ve been to and the different kinds of hosts we’ve met. Some are pretty lovely, some are weird, disgusting, and entertaining…the list is endless. Here are a few examples of the kind of hosts you’re most likely to meet:

1. PANIC MODE:

From the moment you make that phone call on your visit, they become on a panic mode. An emergency general clean-up of the house will be done even when the house was already clean enough. They will over-stock the fridge with all kind of groceries because ‘how will I know what they love?’ They will stress over the ‘master piece’ drawings on the walls done by the children. They will worry about the seemingly old bed sheets. They will overcook for your entire stay. Ask you a hundred times in the least if ‘you need anything’. They will be on their feet as early as 4 a.m. in the morning to ensure breakfast is ready by the time you’re up. It doesn’t matter if you’re a very close family member, a friend or even a colleague, they’ll still overstretch themselves to ensure you have a comfortable stay.

2. VISITORS MEANS FEASTING:

They are the literal example of ‘mgeni aje, mwenyeji apone’ because now that we have visitors, we have the perfect reason to over-spend and over-eat. They will break their piggy banks, pull out the hidden money under the mattress, and withdraw all their savings from the bank just to make the best out of the situation. They will put a pause to their diet and FEAST on all that they couldn’t eat in the past year because now ‘I can’t leave the visitor eat different food. It doesn’t seem good.’ They will go for fancy shopping sprees, spoil the visitor thoroughly while spoiling themselves too. ‘You Only Live Once’ becomes their new daily mantra till the stay is over and they’re left with an empty pocket, debts and some extra kilos of body fat. ‘Welcome back to reality pal!’

3. YOU ARE NOT A VISITOR:

It doesn’t matter what your relationship is with the host or how long you plan to stay but you must play a role in the house chores. They will ensure you help around whether it is by washing the dishes after meals or even picking their child from the day-care in the evening. So long as you eat and sleep in this house, you won’t be favoured in any way. Keep working!

4. THE INTRUDER:

Don’t leave your phone for a second and they’re already deep in the photo gallery, or even worse, replying your messages. They will randomly open your suitcase to peep at your clothes, or use your laptop without your permission. They have no idea whatsoever on how to give one their personal space.

5. THE WARM HOME:

They will make you feel very welcome and ensure that you have the best time at their home. They will entertain you and feed you well. They will sacrifice their time and energy to give you company whenever they can. They ensure you’re comfortable enough to feel free and do as you please in their house.

6. FOOD AND ROOF ONLY:

It is like you’re in a hotel but only difference is you have some ‘company’. They’re present but it’s like you’re non-existent to them. Everyone in the house is busy doing something of their own and the only time anyone talks to you is to call you for a painfully silent meal. Pretty much like those boring hostel roommates at college. You can’t expect anything more from them apart from food and roof. But at least you have that, can you complain really?!

7. AIRING THE DIRTY LAUNDRY

These people will not pretend to be jolly when they’re not. They won’t wear plastered smiles to please you. As long as you’re in the house, you’re in it. You will hear them shouting to each other, throwing abusive words, as you stand by your room door with your mouth agape. You will hear something heavy fall. Someone screaming. Perhaps a chair or the small wooden stool has been thrown. Becomes even worse when it is not just a couple but a family and now everyone is throwing words at everyone and you have absolutely no idea what to do. Should you stay in your room and pretend you see nothing, you hear nothing? Or should you walk out and try calming them down? What do you do at the dinner table when it is all tense and extremely quiet? You have an entire two weeks to figure that out. All the best with your stay though!

8. HINT DROPPER:

‘So when are you planning to go to the City?’
‘When did you say your friend will be picking you up?’
‘My sister has been waiting for me so we travel to Dubai together. I am just here because of you. Ni sawa lakini.’
Your hosts will not fail to drop you hints that it is high time you leave because well, isn’t it high time? They say ‘akufukuzaye hakuambii toka’. So please get the hints and find another place to crash in.

Reflecting back, what kind of host are you? Have you ever thought whether your visitors would ever want to stay with you again or are you the nightmare that made someone’s child despise visiting any home entirely?!

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THE BLACK CROW

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This article (edited version) was first published on ‘Travel Log Magazine’ an insert of Standard Newspaper on 6/6/2019

Anywhere you go outside what you consider home, you will experience culture shock. Different races, languages, accents, weird behaviours, unique looks, interesting concepts. That is not unless you are a Muslim hijabi woman then YOU are the culture shock. Even in the twenty first Century where human rights activism is like a cup of tea for anyone and everyone as long as you have a bold, loud voice and an active twitter account, you will still be viewed in a peculiar way.

As soon as you walk into that international conference at the registration desk, the first thing the receptionist will do is view you head to toe. They will give you the ‘are you sure you are at the right place?’ look, frowning and perusing through the pages of the names of attendants. You get it. You are a typical mshamba looking Muslim lady. At least that’s how they view you; backward. You are in full black like a crow of doom. You probably remind them of that widow at your village who wore full black for an entire six months after her husband passed away. The woman would wail and weep and grieve hysterically every day at the worship area, the villagers started avoiding prayers entirely. Yeah, you my friend remind them of the Dark Age where women had no say and their only place was the kitchen. You are an ugly dejavu.

You humbly say your name and creases form on their forehead, ‘Ati?! …I can’t find that name here’ they’d say as you patiently wait. She takes forever before your exotic, out-of-this-world name is found.
‘Aha! Here is your name. Sorry for the delay,’ the receptionist murmurs as they struggle to give you a smile and your wrongly written name.

The minute you walk in, you’re invisible. You immediately drown in the crowd. Everyone is talking to somebody. Laughter. Intense conversations. Introductions. No one is interested in knowing who you are. Why you are there or even bothered by it. You just don’t matter. You don’t fit in.

You try to start a conversation with that sweet looking lady next to you and just when she is about to respond, she is pulled aside by another lady who probably thinks what she has to say is more important.
People will actively avoid you, ignore you. Well that is until the conference begins and you get to officially introduce yourself. The look on their faces is priceless when you mention your credentials. The ‘Ohh! I didn’t see that coming’ look. The ‘Wow’ expression on their faces. And you think to yourself, ‘Huh! On your faces!’ Suddenly, they value your opinion. Suddenly, your thoughts matter. Suddenly, you are the one being pulled aside for questions and connections and future deals.

But that is never the end of it. There must be the interrogation session during the tea and lunch breaks. They will always have questions for you. Not about what brought you there. Not about the super-intelligent response you gave. Not about your ideas. Not about your mind-blowing project or pick your very smart brain. Rather, it is about your very amusing choice of dressing. They’d ask why you don’t shake hands with male after they had initially concluded it as an act of racism. They’d ask whether you’re married and have kids because ‘what better do Muslim ladies know other than marriage?!’ They’d ask about how non-Muslim men can successfully marry into your religion and tribe.
They’d ask about your very black buibui and scarf. They’d ask sarcastically if your religion and culture prevents you from wearing heels too since you’re wearing your very comfortable sneakers. Some lady might even be kind enough to give you ‘first impression tips.’

“You are very intelligent I see. You need to come out of your cocoon if you want to grow further and achieve even more.”
“Come on, don’t be like an old mama…your face deserves some spice up…”
“You know, if you want people to take you seriously you need to make some changes here and there with your wardrobe. Like that over-sized, over-spacious buibui that you wear could fit two of you, why don’t you take it to the tailor? Or even better, why don’t you wear a coloured dress, it doesn’t have to be immodest. You can still wear long sleeves and full length wear?”

And of course that is something you can do. You can wear a long modest dress because buibui originates from the
Coastal culture and not exactly religion. You do respect women who wear differently and appreciate them for what they bring to the table. Why then shouldn’t the respect be reciprocated?

You try to explain it to them. That the purpose of hijab is to make a woman be inconspicuous, not in terms of having a voice, not in terms of being educated, not in terms of being empowered or having a job but in terms of physical outlook. In terms of concealing her beauty except for the right individuals. If one’s personal choice to be modest is wear black, why should it bother anyone? Why does the world preach ‘My dress My choice’ and still have double standards about it? Why do we say that ‘No one should tell a woman what to do with her life’ yet still judge the woman who intentionally chooses to make her brain and her behaviour the more important aspect of her life rather than the size and colour of her dressing? But you already know how this will roll. Questions, heated discussions, more questions. The men simply don’t get it and the women feel you are caged. Even after your lengthy explanations, they still won’t change their fixed mind-set of you or your backward choices.

You sigh loudly and have an enigmatic smile on you. You’d expect that stereotyping and discrimination would be less in an international, intercultural, seemingly open-minded audience. Yet, here you are!

You sit calmly, listening to all their suggestions, jokes, and mocks, unaffected. Because you’ve heard it all. You’ve heard the same things over and over and over again, you’re amused at the extents people can go to make you feel small. They will remind you over and over that for you to be a dignified, successful lady there must be compromises to be made. There must be some adjustments. You must spice up your principles so as to fit in.
So here you are, with all these thought-provoking conversations, all these brilliant ideas that will rot in your head because everyone is worried about your choice of dressing, your cooking methods and whether you’re married or not. What a disgrace.

You are now thinking of starting a Black Crow hashtag and movement on twitter with your 237 followers. Your bio will probably read something like, ‘If you don’t value my brain, you don’t deserve my time’ then have that famous little, smug goat meme as your profile picture.
And now you’re ready to roll.

‘I am the Black Crow. Unstereotype Me.’

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IF ROLES WERE REVERSED

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Have you ever looked at the house help at home and thought, ‘Did he/she ever have a dream to become something in life? Or do they still want to become that thing? What is their story? Do they have a family? If something happened to them, do we know their next of kin? Do we know where they live? Whether they ate yesterday evening? Did they have an education? Or did they start school then dropped out because of finances? If they were given a chance to be whoever they want to be, what would they choose? What do they feel about their current job? About working for you? About spending time with your children?’

What about your garbage collector? Or the man who fixes your sink? Or the lady who babysits your children? Ever thought about their feelings, their goals in life, their thinking? If roles were reversed, would you be satisfied having a boss like you? Would you be happy with the pay you receive? With the workload given to you? With the treatment given? Would you be okay about the leftover or almost rotten food given to you alone while they feast on the table with all kinds of fresh, tasty food? Would you feel discriminated, underestimated, unappreciated?

Most of us never think about that. We never take a minute to just think about these people who work and toil for us. Sometimes we openly mistreat them or insult them or be so harsh with them for humanly mistakes. Sometimes we publicly show them that they are not in the same league/class with us. Sometimes we don’t even treat them like human beings. Sometimes we think, we worked hard to be where we are in life and they didn’t. They didn’t work hard enough, or they were just lazy or unambitious. Sometimes we forget that it is but a blessing to be this comfortable with our lives. Sometimes, or most times, we never think about them entirely?

So let’s take a moment to think about all the manual labourers that work for us or with us or those come across. If roles were reversed, would you want to be treated the way we or you treat them? Would we want to be paid the same amount we pay them (sometimes despite having more than enough for ourselves)? Would we want to be given another type of food while everyone else is eating special meals? Would we want to be ignored like we ignore them until we have a need? Would we want to be shouted upon for every humanly mistake we make?

Do we respect them? Do we honour them? Do we listen to what they have to say? All these people with low-paying jobs, do we ever appreciate them?

Manual labour is considered noble in Islam. Abu Hurairah RA reported: The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “No food is better to man than that which he earns through his manual work. Dawud (alayhi sallam), the Prophet of Allah, ate only out of his earnings from his manual work.” (Bukhari)

We have a perfect example of how the prophet peace be upon him mingled with the slaves and the poor people. Here’s an excerpt from http://www.reviewofreligions.org/2876/the-life-character-of-the-seal-of-the-prophetssaw-part-4/ on the prophet and his slave, Zaid bin Harith.

“Hakim bin Hizam, the nephew of Hadhrat Khadijah(ra), was a merchant who constantly moved about with various trade caravans. Once he purchased a few slaves during a trade expedition and gave one of them as a gift to Hadhrat Khadijah(ra). The name of the slave gifted to Hadhrat Khadijah(ra) was Zaid bin Harithah(ra). In actuality, Zaid(ra) belonged to a free family, but during a plunder he was taken captive and was forcefully enslaved. Khadijah(ra) found Zaid(ra) to be wise and intelligent, so she entrusted him to Muhammad(saw).

It was always the practice of the Holy Prophet(saw) that he would treat his servants and slaves with immense love, like his own kith and kin. Hence, Muhammad(saw) was affectionate to Zaid(ra). Since Zaid(ra) possessed a sincere heart, he also developed love for Muhammad(saw). Meanwhile, Zaid(ra)’s father Harith and paternal uncle Ka‘b came to Makkah whilst looking for him. Both of them presented themselves before the Holy Prophet(saw), and with great humility requested the freedom of Zaid(ra), so that he may return home with them. Muhammad(saw) responded; “Absolutely! If Zaid wishes to leave with you, I delightedly give him permission to do so.” At this, Zaid was called upon and was asked by Muhammad(saw), “Zaid, Do you recognise these people?” “Yes,” responded Zaid(ra), “they are my father and paternal uncle.” Muhammad(saw) said, “They have come to take you. If you wish to leave with them, I gladly give you permission to do so.” “I shall not leave you on any account,” answered Zaid(ra), “To me, you are far dearer than my own uncle or father.” Zaid(ra)’s father reacted with great anger and grief, “What? Do you give preference to a life of slavery over that of freedom?” “Yes,” responded Zaid(ra), “for I have witnessed such virtues in him that I can now give preference to none above him.”

When Muhammad(saw) heard this response he immediately stood up and took Zaid(ra) to the Ka‘bah. There he announced in a loud voice, “O People! Be witness to the fact that as of this day I free Zaid(ra) and make him my son. He shall be my heir and I shall be his.” When Zaid(ra)’s uncle and father observed this sight, they were astounded. They happily left Zaid with Muhammad(saw). Since then, Zaid bin Harithah(ra) became known as Zaid bin Muhammad(ra).1 However, after the Hijrah, God revealed a commandment that it was unlawful to take an adopted child as an actual son.2 Upon this, Zaid(ra) was once again given his original name, Zaid bin Harithah. Nonetheless, the loving conduct of the ever-loyal Muhammad(saw) remained unaltered with this ever-sincere servant…”

Imagine a slave loving their master to the extent they wouldn’t want to go back to their family. How amazingly well do you think the prophet peace be upon him to make Zaid may peace be upon him, cherish him that much.

So here’s food for thought for all of us…if roles were reversed, would you be pleased working under YOU?

***

Reminding you of our creative writing classes coming up soon in shaa Allah. Register as soon as possible or if not, sponsor a student, sadaqa jariya for you 😉 Check details in the poster below.

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THOUGHTS OF TERROR

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Photo Courtesy: https://kiss100.s3.amazonaws.com

When I was studying journalism, I really looked up to John Allan Namu and Mohammed Ali for the investigative journalism they were doing. Their work was commendable! I think it is because I have a drive for solving mysteries, a keen eye for details and finding out the truth. But then I am also an anxious-wreck, and that’s just the most paradoxical combination ever. The time I realize how right I was to not pursue that adrenaline thrill is when terrorist attacks happen. I panic. People get sad. People get angry. People get frustrated. People get killed. I panic. Now I remember when the West gate attack happened, one of my classmates joked about how i’d die without being shot if I ever were in a terrorist attack. Die because of the horror rather than any other kind of harm. Maybe get a cardiac arrest then boom! I’m gone (God forbid). Now imagine if I were covering such a horrible event, I would probably end up being the journalist -not the victim-who ended up with PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder). How ironic would that be? Going to a therapist all sad and petrified and she asks me gently, ‘where exactly were you when the incident happened?’
‘Oh me? I wasn’t inside the building. I was in the neighbourhood covering the story.’
‘Did you get hurt?’
‘No.’
‘Did you get to see any of the terrorists?’
‘No.’
‘Did you know anyone who was inside?’
‘Ummm…no?’
She stops scribbling, tilts her head and looks at me from above her specs.
‘Well that doesn’t make sense.’
‘Exactly my point.’
Then we’d have a moment of awkward silence as she contemplates this journalist, really urged to ask whether she was forced into the profession.

It’s always about the thoughts though. Always. Because when a terrorist attack happens, my mind races to picture the people who are in there. I imagine a couple walking in with their travel bags, hand in hand, big smiles on their faces. The lady giggles at something the husband said as they get to the reception to check in. The receptionist asks them how long they’d be in there and they say two weeks. It won’t get to the end of the day.
I imagine a lady in an office swirling in her chair, laughing with Grace who is directly opposite her. They are gossiping about their boss who has been coming with the same clothes the entire week.
I imagine a father on the phone, telling his wife he’d be late so she has to pick the children from school. An argument starts up between them. He slams his phone on the desk.
I imagine a young man running up and down the office trying to impress his soon-to-be bosses. If he does well in his internship, they’d hire him permanently. He wanted the job so badly so he runs and pants like a dog. He will get the job at any cost. Even if it means surviving a terrorist attack.
I imagine two high school friends planning a meet-ups for ages of which they always postpone or cancel. Then one fine day they decide, today we will meet. Today we must meet. Then they start discussing the venue. Then they weigh their options. The closest place for both of them but also a nice place to hang out with a very close friend. Finally they choose their place. The place of their death.
I imagine someone having a bad day, being all grumpy and moody. He turns to his mate and says, ‘I just can’t wait for this day to end’. But the day is just about to begin.

It is strange isn’t it? That on a very random day, some people make their way to a trap, having no idea whatsoever that their lives will be changed forever. Busy working, busy talking, enjoying their meals as terrorists are seated somewhere watching them and pitying these poor people who don’t know what’s about to go down on them. But these terrorists…how do they choose venues? How do they choose the dates? How do they just decide that today, the angel of death will have a party. Do they have any remorse in them? Is there any one of them who is a bit hesitant and says ‘maybe we don’t have to kill them. We could just frighten them.’ And then the colleague asks, ‘Are you chickening out?’ Is there any part of the planning where they think of cancelling or maybe it dawns on them that it isn’t worth it? Do they ever watch the targeted place and see a pregnant woman with a young boy walking through the gates and they hesitate a bit? Or see a man carrying a bag of pampers and think ‘that’s probably a good father he doesn’t deserve to die’? Don’t tell me they are just cold blooded murderers with no emotion at all. Everyone has something that causes a pinch in the heart. Even if it something very tiny that would trigger their emotions and maybe, just maybe make them or just one of them think twice. Or maybe that’s all they are; cold blooded murderers with no affection or compassion whatsoever. Because how else do they go on a shooting spree on very random, normal people?

I remember an Iftar event that I attended some years back and I happened to sit with a lady who was a victim at the Garissa university attack. Well I didn’t know this until a riot started right outside where the iftar was taking place. I could see how uneasy she got. Of course everyone was restless but she was terrified. And then she told me that she was at the university when the attack happened and somehow she survived. By then, quite some months had passed after the attack, but there she was, re-living the nightmare. I can’t imagine how disturbing and horrifying it is for anyone who has experienced such incidents. It is true some heal and move on, but some will forever be looking behind them whenever they walk. Put three locks on their doors. Avoid going outside unless necessary. Avoid popular places. Avoid public places entirely. Never take taxis or ubers. And it is so so sad how a piece of someone’s life and peace of mind will forever be gone.

What’s more sad is when innocent Muslims and Somalis have to pay the price of others’ wrongdoings. The issue of Islamophobia has been going on for quite a while now and just when we think we are making progress in killing the stereotype, terrorists surprise with another heart-breaking event. It is so unfair that other people have to continue to prove their innocence and justify their existence as if they are ‘natural criminals’.

Sincere condolences to all those who lost their loved ones (May their souls rest in peace), and praying a quick recovery to all those who were injured during the recent Riverside attack in Nairobi, Kenya. We shouldn’t forget to thank and pray for all those who helped in any way during the attack; the police, the ambulance personell, Red cross, blood donors and all other unnamed heroes who assisted in any way. Indeed it is only God who can repay them for their bravery and courage.

May God protect our country and our people. May God turn away any human being with evil intentions for us or our people. May we all stay safe. Ameen.

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HEAR IT FROM THE CRY BABY

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Last year, I had the ugliest phone conversation with an older workmate. Well, that’s just a few months ago actually. I think its the ugliest I’ve ever had with anyone really. Coz I was screaming. When I scream then just know I’ve totally lost it. And I am not easy to lose control of my temper. I could take all your crap forever but when I scream then run. Run I am telling you because the world is about to collapse on you 😀

(There’s a moral to be learnt from the story but to give context I have to rewind a bit. So keep reading please?)

It was actually a very petty issue but I had taken enough crap already from this lady because she is older and I respected her. But then on this fine evening, I exploded. Second thing, I never ever hang up on anyone but with this human being, I did, in the middle of her rumbling. My hands were shaky. My voice was shaky. Hell, my entire body was shaken up. I was crying and having a panic attack for those who know what that is. My mother, brother and sister were right at the door to my room staring at me wondering what had just happened. I was really terrified.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, for the next several days, whenever i’d hear my phone ring, my heart would skip a beat. Jokes aside. This is literal. My phone would ring and I would just stare at the phone for a few minutes contemplating whether to pick it up. Even when it was my friends, I would just stare. I would hesitate and sometimes even let it ring until it stopped on its own then send them a text afterwards. When it was a new number, I would be even more nervous. Taking an entire moment, hoping they would hang up before I pick. My workmate had called me with a new number so that resulted to the higher skepticism. For a while it didn’t strike me why. I have always hated phone calls (hint to all those who call me :p ) so it was no shocker that I didn’t want to pick. But this was different. This wasn’t just about me being uncomfortable to phone calls and then it dawned on me. It was about the lady screaming on the phone. My subconscious was still stuck in that conversation. It was me shouting at the top of my voice. I hated that image and it had stuck in my head.

I swear when a new number called, I would say bismillah bismillah bismillah several times before picking regardless of who the caller was (Okay this sounds funny now 😀 ) That’s how deeply affected I was. Now calm your horses y’all life coaches. I’ve heard it all my life, ‘Don’t allow people’s words crash you.’ ‘Don’t be weak’. ‘Don’t take things to heart’. But well guess what? Some of us weren’t exactly wired as you are. Take it to be weakness or being afraid or whichever way you decide to interpret it, but my profile reads ‘voice of the voiceless’ so here I am, speaking out loudly, ready to receive all the backlash 😀

My point is…To be honest, there are places I totally avoid, people I never let my eyes meet theirs, conversations I walk away from, just because at one perfect day, someone out there totally ruined my image of that place, of that person or of that topic. And trust me, it doesn’t matter if someone apologizes, that thing will never be the same for me. Ever. And that’s just how it is for me. Simply because I don’t ever want to go to a beautiful place to be happy and then poof! just like that, my super active mind will take me down the memory lane and remind me ‘do you remember this is the place this and this happened?’ I know many people don’t get it but for some of us, the pain runs way way deeper to the core. It is not easy to dismiss it or bury it, so we live with it. (Of course this depends with the magnitude of the matter in hand. I won’t stop going all places coz of some heartless people.)

I know a young teenage girl of about 10/11 years who has teeth that are a bit more outward than they should be and several of her school mates would always tease her about it. Sad to say, the girl stopped smiling. Especially when one of her closest friends once told her in mid-sentence ‘Just stop talking. Close your mouth.’ I felt that. I really really felt that. Because now she’s never going to believe that she has a beautiful smile. She is always serious and even when she laughs, her hands are always covering her mouth. I know about all the self-love talks people preach about. But don’t you think it would be easier if people were keener with their words? With their actions? With how they treat other people? Isn’t it easier to adopt self love willingly rather than having to fix your self image first?

I didn’t want to write about this because my entire life has been about this. Being deeply affected by how people treated me and everyone would still point out how I should just forget or not take things seriously or whatever. I remember some even making jokes about it like ‘hey don’t tease her. She could just start crying.’ and they’d just laugh about it 😀 Geez some people though 😀 They thought they were being funny by saying that, let’s all laugh at their sweet, naive souls 😀

Okay fine. Its a weakness I should work on but what about these other people. What about all these other people that become the reason we avoid places or get nervous for phone conversations. Who talks to these people? Who tells them that they are crashing people’s spirits? Who corrects them?

I think we as human beings really take for granted what kind of effect we have on other people. So on behalf of all my fellow cry babies (y’all can thank me later), I have today revealed what most of us never speak out loud. Be kind y’all. The world is cold enough. Let us have more compassionate, empathetic people rather than cruel, egocentric, narcissistic jerks.

#RightsForTheCryBabies 😀 #KindnessFirst

P.S. If I wasn’t picking your calls, count this as the official apology. Please text next time 🙂

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THE ABCs OF STARTING A WORDPRESS BLOG

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It has been claimed in some circles that if the entire non-geek populace of the world were to file up and spend the next century kissing the ring fingers of geeks, it would still not suffice as remittance for all the little joys of life they have brought us. One kid in Harvard coughs and voila, Facebook! Another sneezes at Carnegie Mellon and boom! Instagram!

As with everything else brought by these guys same with blogging culture. It was born of an idle pastime. Fresh from gifting the world the internet and the world wide web, the geek overlords of the nineties decided to kill time by writing daily ‘web-logs’ about their pets. Several years down the way, the technology matured and assumed the currently acceptable common name: blogging. Blogger arose during this time and soon after, WordPress as platforms to support the creation of blogs for the non-programmer resident of the Internet. WordPress now powers a third of the content that is on the entire world wide web with no signs of slowing down!

If your neighbours, or your colleagues have been all up your nose pestering you to get yourself a WordPress blog but you don’t know how, then grab a chair and make yourself comfortable, because this article is for you.

Creating a WordPress Account
To get started with your new super awesome WordPress blog, you’ll first need a WordPress account. For that you’ll need an email, which every man, woman and toddler living in this century is assigned automatically when they are hooked into the Matrix for the first time.
Once you’ve recovered yours, find a browser, type in wordpress.com in the address bar. That should land you here:

The next part is as complex as saying your ABCs out loud. You click on the ‘Get Started’ link at the top right.

You should fill in your email address in this screen as well as your chosen username and password for your new account and click on ‘Create Your Account’.

Creating a WordPress Blog

In this next screen, you get to fill in all the details about your new blog from the name, to other ooey gooey subjects like the topic it will cover and your primary goals and so on. Now, for the last section, please do resist the temptation to impress the Chinese hacker who is snooping on your desktop and answer as honestly as possible, it’s really for your own good.
Once done click on continue..

This next part is crucial, you get to choose your blog’s address, which is just as it sounds an ‘address’ for your site. This is what your friends will type in their browsers’ address bar to visit your blog. Choose wisely. Unique is good, short is better, a mix of the two is perfection.
Because the account we’re creating is a free one, you should proceed to select the free option as offered from those listed. The downside being that it will have ‘’.wordpress.com’’ attached to it.

You know what to do here ?

Customizing your WordPress Blog

Once all of that is done, you should see the screen above, which is what is famously called ‘the WordPress Dashboard.’

Over the next several years of your life, should you choose to be serious about your blog, you will get so intimate with this dashboard that you’ll probably end up giving it a nickname. Don’t ask me what I call mine.
At this point, you can follow the step by step instructions shown on this main screen up until the point it asks you to publish a new post or simply continue with this tutorial.

First, you need to confirm your email address. Log into your email and look for the email sent by wordpress. Click on the link to confirm which should redirect you to the Dashboard.

Now scroll all the way down on the menu to the left until you find the option ‘Customise.’ Next to it should be the option ‘Themes’. Go ahead and click there.

Now, a theme is really crucial for whatever blog you’re planning to create. Next to the name, the theme of your blog has to embody the type of content that will be posted there and plays a big role in preparing your readers for the kind of content you often post there. So choose wisely, but no pressure.
Of course, thankfully, WordPress has an intelligent search engine in which you can specify the kind of content (subject) that will appear there (photography etc) as well as the style of the theme (whimsical, minimal etc) and wordpress will filter the themes for you.

Once you’ve chosen a theme, click on customize.

Once here, feel free to tinker to your tinkering twinkle heart’s content. Play around with the fonts, with the header image until you find a combination that works best for you. Once done, click on the ‘Publish’ button at the top left side of the page.

The widgets tab if you’ve noticed it is a great place to add more functionality and ‘spice’ to your blog. There are several different widgets available for a free WordPress blog, to link to your facebook or Instagram pages, to add links to your most popular posts, most recent comments and so on.

Once you’re pleased with the outlook of your blog, you should be ready to publish your first post. So jump right in and go wild.

Additional Material

Next to the ‘My Site’ tab on the Dashboard, is the ‘Wordpress Reader’ which is one of the best parts of WordPress. In fact, so much so, that if WordPress was Hercules, then this would be his non-human half’s powers manifesting themselves. WordPress is made different from other blogging platform by the community ‘vibe’ in it. The reader is where you get to experience it.

 

Here you can search for and read other WordPress blogs, follow them, comment and ‘like’ posts. Your comments on all blogs are also neatly stacked together in the ‘Conversations’ tab.
The ‘Tag’ tab is the cream of the pie, however. Here you can follow any topic that is tagged when users post in their wordpress blogs. These are usually topics or writing genres such as ‘creative writing’ or ‘science fiction’ or even ‘Michelle Obama’. Neat, huh?

Now that you have the low-down on WordPress mechanics (and politics), you should be ready to set off on your journey to entertain, inspire and rip the cosmos into a billion pieces. So to that I say good luck and Godspeed!

Share this with someone who may need it 🙂

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IF 2018 WAS A MOVIE

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Image Courtesy: https://www.businessinsider.sg

Fun Fact: I have this addictive habit of watching extremely thrilling/horror movies then spending the entire night scaring myself and going to the washroom every hour because my bladder can’t hold all the fear within. Why I torture myself? Beats me. But I convince myself that that is how I face my fears. Hero much? You bet. 2018 was a horror movie. I was at my very worst. Hit rock bottom and was scared of my own self more than anything else in this life. Being your own enemy is one thing but knowing you are your own enemy is something else. The fight between your self and mind is endless. If 2018 was a movie, it would be ‘Bird Box’ for me. That was 2018’s best thriller and horror movie. 2018 was MY bird box. I was blindly stumbling my way through the days for survival, trying to not look directly into the eyes of my monster; my own self-sabotaging being. I just wanted to get to the end of it. But you know what? I love thrill. I am a total thrill freak. So when I say it was the roughest year for me, I also mean it was the most intense, challenging year. Trying to see the silver lining here y’all 😀

Being an extremely anxious person makes me very impatient in everything. I don’t give myself adequate time for anything. Not for healing, not for love, not for my dreams either. I have this clock that keeps tik-toking in my head; always reminding me how I’m running out of time. For what you ask? I have no idea. This is where the Marshmallow test comes in.

The Marshmallow study is a famous social-science test among educators and psychologists because it is something we learn about. The study itself is about delayed gratification done in the 1960’s by a Stanford professor. So the experiment was that a child is taken into a room that has a marshmallow on the table. The experimenter then tells the child that they are leaving the room and that if they wait until the experimenter comes back without eating the marshmallow, then they will get another one. So the choice was simple: one marshmallow right now or two marshmallows later.

The experimenters believed that the study was a measure of future success of the children participants. So the child is then left in the room alone with the marshmallow. Now the hardest part is that there is no distraction. Its just the child staring at the marshmallow. Obviously some kids ate it right way, some hesitated right away before giving in to the temptation and others were patient enough to wait for the other one so they get two. The experimenters followed up on the progress of the children even decades later and found that the children who were willing to delay gratification and waited to receive the second marshmallow ended up successful in every aspect of life. In short, the study proved that the ability to delay gratification was critical for success in life. Mind-blowing right?(You can google more on the Marshmallow study)

So how does this relate to my 2018?

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do as a person struggling with anxiety, is to trust the process; believe in the power of delayed gratification. I took up a job that you only see the fruits of your hard work more than six months later and I failed at different writing opportunities I looked forward to among other things. My writing journey has been long with slow baby steps. And don’t get me wrong, I appreciate my baby steps. I really do. In fact I do treat myself whenever I achieve one of tiny goals. But then there’s the self-sabotaging anxious self that wants you to see how you’ll never make it to across the river (Y’all should watch ‘Bird Box’ if you haven’t. Oh! and the memes are so lit! 😀 Memes are the best part of anything yo). So 2018 is the year my patience was tested the most. But I keep reminding myself of the greater reward. Of the best to come. Of the two Marshmallows at the end of the day. I keep reminding myself that my baby steps will someday add up to something. I believe it will in shaa Allah but for now, it is an endless war with my mind that wants the easy, shortcut and immediate reward of one Marshmallow. But you know what? I want two Marshmallows. Hell I want a hundred of them. So I’ll wait. I’ll wait to see what’s on the other side of the river. I’ll wait because I have faith that Allah (S.W.) is with me. If I don’t make it to other side, I know I’ll have died trying and that counts. It means a lot.

Don’t get me wrong. 2018 was not entirely a black cloud on my head. I have my family with me and I realize that’s a big blessing every.single.day. alhamdulilah. My anxious self traveled on a plane for the first time in my life (a very panicky story for another day 😀 ) Good things did happen alhamdulilah but above all, it was a challenging year. And I hope I can learn from it.

Hey where are my anxious fellow humans? Let’s wait for the basket full of Marshmallows okay? We got this. I know we can. I know we do 🙂

Better days to come. Ameen.

***
Please don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t 🙂

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14 TIPS FOR ASPIRING WRITERS

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God knows I’m not an expert to be writing this. Not even close. I’m not Stephen King or Khaled Hosseini or Paulo Coelho or Chimamanda or any of these madly talented writers. Did I mention J.K. Rowling? But I have stumbled my way for so long in my writing journey like a drunkard, stepping on grammar thorns and hitting on plot poles. So yeah, I’ve done a lot of mistakes and I’ve learnt a lot from different writing gurus and fellows. They say, you learn best from a person who has come face to face, touched and embraced the failure wholly (of course I embraced it then made my lemonade out of it). I think I can share with fellow aspiring writers some tips that will help as you start/continue with your writing career.

1. WRITE:

The only way to become a great writer is by LITERALLY writing. There are no short cuts to this. Reading ten or even a hundred books on how to write won’t make you any better writer if you don’t take that pen and start scribbling. Writing guides will of course be really helpful in showing you the direction, but the rest is entirely upon you. Write that story you’ve always wanted to write. Write that very badly written poem. However much awful your piece will be, it will still be better than nothing at all. After writing it, don’t immediately throw it away. Keep it safe for some hours or days, then revisit it and go through it again. You might have some new ideas on how to improve your piece.

2. WRITING IS RE-WRITING:

Ask any writer/poet in the world, even the most famous one, they’ll tell you the same thing; writing is re-writing. You can’t have perfection from the word go. You can’t write one story and be frustrated that it isn’t how you want it to be. Calm down mate, this thing needs patience here. As we say here in Mombasa, ‘hii kitu haitaki hasira’ ama vipi? Every beautiful thing takes some time to be fully formed or functional or complete. So write, re-read it, make changes. Give it a break, go through it again. Add new ideas. Like that until you are finally satisfied with what you have in hand. If you’re a perfectionist, the process might make you crazy so it would be nice if you seek assistance from someone else that you trust, which brings me to my third point.

3. DON’T BE SHY TO SEEK HELP:

However rowdy and unappealing your story seems, don’t be shy to send it to someone you trust. NOTE, I said someone you trust i.e. they have good judgement in what a good story looks like, they have good insights and if they are grammar nazis that’s even better. (Grammar Nazi definition by Urban dictionary: One who uses refined vocabulary, correct grammar, constantly finds themselves correcting grammar and spelling (in forums, chatrooms, tumblr, YouTube, etc.) These people will ruthlessly point out all the grammar massacres you committed. Don’t take it personally, deep deep down they are good people who wan’t the best for you. So don’t get annoyed when they show you your mistakes. Most importantly, it should be someone you trust NOT to steal your piece and use it as their own. If you know someone who has experience in writing or an avid reader, the better. They will be the fresh eyes you need and can honestly tell you their opinions about your writing. Also, don’t send it to nice people who’ll always tell you ‘It’s good.’ Go for the brutally honest ones who will bluntly tell you what is wrong or right about your writing. You need this, trust me, you do. So take heart and swallow the bitter pill for now.

4. ACCEPT POSITIVE CRITICISM POSITIVELY:

Now there’s criticism that is good and healthy. The person correcting you isn’t trying to crash your dreams or ruin your self-confidence. They are just trying to show you how to be a better writer (and this applies to all matters of life as well). They will point out your mistakes and show you how to be better (or not) either way, they are trying to help. Then we have the negative criticism whereby the person is continuously trying to show you how useless you are or untalented. In short, they are just the villains in your story. Make sure to accept only the positive criticism. Remember that the only way for you to grow is to actually learn from your mistakes. And for someone to show you your mistakes they have to brutally honest with you WITHOUT crashing your self-esteem. So long as someone means well, don’t feel bad. Accept the criticism and learn from the mistakes to do better next time. And no, this shouldn’t be an excuse for you to quit writing. As for those who criticize you in a negative way, avoid sending your work to them. If you can’t keep your work away from them maybe because they see it on your social media pages, learn to ignore them without allowing their comments affect you. We all have received these kind of criticisms, so you’re not alone. Stop with the pity-partying and continue writing!

5. EXPERIMENT AND GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE:

Just because you write poetry doesn’t mean you can’t writing something else. Plus, you’ll never know if you can do something else if you haven’t tried it. I for one, never thought I could write in present continuous or in second person until I tried it. I realized I loved it more than writing in past tense or first/third person. So explore, get out of your comfort zone and try writing new things. You could be surprised how you could enjoy or be better in something totally different than what you do now. If you only write travel blogs, take some time to write a fiction piece someday or do a different language blog. Play around with your talent cards until you finally discover what you really love and are comfortable writing about, then embrace that fully.

6. READ:

Honestly, I am a disgrace to the writing community, and that’s because I am not an avid reader. I do read, but not to the extent one would expect from a writer. I source out my inspiration from different things and people, most writers seek it from books (thus making me a disgrace 😀 ) But I’ve made this my personal challenge, to push myself to read as much as I can. Reading opens up your mind to new ideas, new places, new characters and new experiences. We learn from our fellow writers like that and we grow from there. So make it your personal challenge too to read as often as you can and let that inspire you to write more and better.

7. BE AUTHENTIC:

You need to use your own voice. You need to echo out your own dreams, fears, aspirations, struggles, personality and let it reflect in what you write. Be authentic and don’t copy someone’s style. Create your own style, something that you will be remembered for. Be the master of the style you choose. Sometimes your voice could be your humor or your choice of words, or the way you unfold your story. It would be ridiculous if you try to copy J.K. Rowling’s style in Harry Potter to write your own Wizardry book, right? I thought so too. So be yourself, even in your writing. Especially in your writing.
There are several articles and videos talking about voices, how to find and develop your voice in writing so just search for them on google and knock yourself out. However, here is an example of what other writers talked about voice:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-AG6yzJMIE

8. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE:

There are different kinds of writing out there and you need to know about them. This is important because for example, the rules that are there for fiction writing are very different from non-fiction or even poetry. There are similarities of course, but you still need to be aware of what is what before you dive deep into writing. We are on the 21st Century people, what better way to use the free wifi and google than to learn these things? If you google kinds or types of writing right now you’d find MANY articles and videos on the same. Help yourself; do yourself a favour and learn the differences of these writings.

9. HAVE SELF-DISCIPLINE & DO NOT GIVE UP:

This is very very important. Writing is one of those things one can easily push under the bed. It seems the easiest thing to let go of once someone is overwhelmed with their life. Its kind of the same thing with painting or any other kind of art. And I see this all the time. People keep saying, ‘I used to write by the way’ and when you ask what happened the answer is almost the same always; ‘Life happened.’ And when life happens to someone, writing is the first thing we give up on because we think ‘I can live without it’ (for those who don’t pay their bills with writing). Remember when we said, beautiful things take time? All these novels and stories we obsess about, how long do you think it took the writer to write the entire book until it got to you? Many months and sometimes, MANY years. So be patient and keep trying. Don’t say ‘what’s the point if it doesn’t pay my bills right now?’ The point is, you are leaving footsteps behind you. A legacy. You are inspiring people with your stories, and it doesn’t matter if the number of people reading your work are only five. If you are able to create positive change or influence just one person to be better at something or in their lives, that’s a great achievement for anyone. So don’t underestimate your work and write as often as possible. At least every day. Okay, maybe that’s a lot for you. At least a week? Yes, a week is good enough. At whatever cost, push yourself to write as per your schedule (even if it means skipping an hour of sleeping. I mean, we skip sleep to chat. We can do that for writing too right?)

10. SHARE YOUR WORK:

If you leave your stories inside your drawers, they will just get dust and insects will come nibble your masterpieces away. Is that what you want for your masterpiece? Being murdered by tiny insects? Being consumed by a tsunami of dust? Come on. Your voice deserves a place out there. There is a space for your pieces to occupy in this vast world.

Point is, if you don’t let your work out there, you will never know how good and talented you are. You will never know if your stories can emotionally break someone into tears just because of its intensity. You can never know if someone thinks the same way as you do. For you to grow as a writer, take the risk and share the work. Don’t be afraid of ‘not being good enough.’ No one started off being good enough already. They too had to struggle. So share you work; on all kinds of social media, on blogs, in magazines…anywhere you can.

Blogs and websites are great platforms to share you work. If you are just starting of and still unsure on what kind of writing to take up or how often you’d write, you can start off with the free blogs from wordpress or blogspot accounts. If you have a friend or relative with computer/IT knowledge, ask for their help in creating and designing your blog. Again, the internet is right there at our service. You could create your own blog by learning how to do it via google. For example, you could search ‘create a free wordpress blog’ and follow the prompts as directed. Nonetheless, the IT friend can be great help.

Here’s a link to a video that might help: https://winningwp.com/how-to-make-a-free-blog-wordpress-com/

11. MAKE CONTRACTS. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME

I learnt this the hard way, so hear it from me. Do not, and I mean, DO NOT EVER, go for a writing gig without making a contract. It doesn’t matter if the person is a relative, a very good friend or the work is just 500 words. Make a contract! Most artists don’t know what their rights are and thus, many people end up taking advantage or just disappearing with your work or payment. Rather you protect yourself than regret later. Even if it is someone you know very well just say it, ‘No offence but I need a contract for all that we’ve agreed on’. And make sure that indeed, all you agreed on is in the contract and SIGNED by both of you. At least you know if they go against you, you have proof to demand your payment or rights from them. Thank me later!

12. DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF:

Just like with everything else in life, we have those who are ahead than others. You probably know of writers who write everyday, maybe 2000 words every morning or so…DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF WITH THEM. Everyone has their own pace with things, so don’t beat yourself for it. Do what you can and do it within your own pace and at your best ability. Don’t let people’s achievements crash you, instead let it be a challenge. Also, don’t force yourself to be like someone else just because ‘they’ve made it’. Remember we talked about having your own voice yeah? So do that. Be self-disciplined, write as much as you possibly can and grow from there.

13. DON’T BE SHY TO AIM FOR THE MONEY

Look, we all are striving and hustling hard to make ends meet. So don’t be apologetic if you are writing simply to earn money or make a career out of it. Don’t be shy or guilty about it. Do your best and achieve your goals yo. Be unstoppable and buy that classy car.

14. FINALLY

I had no point for number 14 but because I am a perfectionist and ending my post with an odd number itches my gut, here is number 14 🙂 All the best in your writing journey and please, please don’t sit or sleep or eat (if there’s anything like that) on your talent.

I hope these will be helpful as you take on your writing journey. Kindly share and subscriibee!! Thank you!

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LEAVE THE SKELETONS WHERE THEY BELONG

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Back in university one of the ladies in our lot got pregnant in the middle of the semester. Or at least that’s when her belly started revealing. The lady was very quiet and reserved. She wasn’t a Muslim but she always seemed decent. Soon as her pregnancy became vivid, some of my mates started saying, ‘See she was acting all innocent but now she’s been exposed.’ I thought about it to myself for a moment and I said, ‘But that’s not fair.’ I mean, for the years that I knew the lady there was no single day she declared herself ‘innocent’ nor was there any day that I saw her pointing fingers and slandering others for their wrongdoings. There was no day that she acted or even spoke like she was ‘holier than thou’. How was it really fair to slander someone when they slip just because they weren’t openly showing their horns or posting it up on social media for the whole world to see?

See, wrong is wrong however we try to sugarcoat it. But there’s always more to the story. The world we live in at the moment is the kind that expects you to put up your dirty laundry outside on broad daylight in the name of ‘I am being myself. At least I don’t pretend.’

I once had a conversation with a lady who was talking about her personal situation and some sort of scheme she was plotting. Okay, no judgement whatsoever. But then the conversation rolled on to a point where she said, ‘Hawa wakimya ndio nawaheshimu. Utaona hakuna innocent kama wao then just one day they shock you to the peak with their actions.’

I mean, where did this mentality come from? That one should either be openly sinning and making mistakes or be the perfect angel as we see you. Where was it written that exposing your mistakes makes you any better than the one who doesn’t? Or that the one who doesn’t is a hypocrite? Isn’t it silly that we consider the reserved, seemingly pious people to be 120% right, 360 degrees all round perfect?! Like ‘Oh my God, he is PERRR-VECT, nur ala nur 😀

Really bro?!

We see it all the time. With sheikhs, famous people and colleagues. Someone does a mistake that is exposed and poof! Everyone has a reaction and an opinion and we just blow it completely out of proportion because ‘they were hypocrites all along’. That same thing, if it were to be done by anyone else we would go on with our lives like nothing happened. But hey! this is so and so…we have to break the internet about it.

We come out each day showing people our displeasing actions because we want people to see us for who we are and accept us as is. But in the process of doing that, we unveil any sense of shame left within us because the moment someone approaches us to humbly correct us we are so quick to say, ‘Don’t judge me’ or ‘You shouldn’t judge me.’ The same goes to those who openly reveal the good that they do and slander everyone else who isn’t like what they perceive themselves.

Truth is that there is no angel. There is no one who can look back and confidently say, ‘I am perfect or sinless’. We are all struggling with something, whether it is visible or not, we are. Even the best of sheikhs and the people we consider our role models. We all have skeletons hidden in our wardrobe and chapters of our lives we don’t read out loud. There are people we have harmed or caused pain, whether intentionally or not, we have. So the next time a certain sheikh or role model does a mistake and the internet family actively discuss about him/her, remember that they too are human beings. They wrong just as you do. The mistakes or sins may be different but they are still there. And just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean you should forget that they too have flaws and weaknesses and things they are not proud of.

Fair enough, you’d probably be disappointed because you looked up to them but never allow that to overshadow your judgment on who can or can’t sin and who should/shouldn’t be forgiven.

Most importantly, don’t let the current world push you to exposing your sins in the fear of people having overly high expectations on you. You being ashamed about your mistakes and sins is the first step to repentance. Or how else do you expect to sincerely repent after posting it on your social media page with your sparkling smile as you sin?!

Abu Hurayrah (radi Allahu anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Every one of my followers will be forgiven except those who expose (openly) their wrongdoings. An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which Allah has covered for him, and in the morning, he would say (to people): ‘I committed such and such sin last night’ while Allah had kept it a secret. During the night Allah has covered it up but in the morning he tears up the cover provided by Allah Himself.” [Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim]

There is a famous story of the sahabi Nuayman ‘ibn Amr Al-Ansari RA who was known to have issues with alcohol. Despite knowing the ruling of Islam towards the intoxicating drink, Nuayman RA struggled with breaking his addiction, and was flogged twice for drinking. Upon the second flogging, ‘Umar RA who was angered by Nuayman’s RA behaviour quipped, “La ‘nat Allah alayhi – may God’s curse be on him”. The Prophet Muhammad (S), upon hearing this, was quick to intervene, “No, no, don’t do (such a thing). Indeed he loves God and His Apostle. The major sin (as this) does not put one outside the community and the mercy of God is close to the believers.” Watch the full story on Nuayman here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TCCzKs3-bo

The reason I shared his story is because it should be a reminder that even the sahabis did sin and mistakes too yet that didn’t make them to be regarded any less than the believers they were. The difference with us is how much they really regretted their acts and most importantly, how the prophet treated the believers who sinned; without despising them or shunning them off.

Once a young man came to the Prophet ﷺ requesting from the Prophet to grant this man permission to have sex outside of marriage. The people were shocked and were trying to silence his question. The Prophet ﷺ asked him a series of questions. “Would you like it for your mom?” He ﷺ continued to ask if this man would like it for his daughter, sister or other female relatives. The man continually responded in the negative, intellectually convinced by the logical argument of the Prophet ﷺ. Finally, the Prophet placed his blessed hand on the man and prayed to God, “Dear God! May you forgive his sins, purify his heart and make him chaste.” And it is narrated that this man never got involved in what he was requesting after this experience with the Prophet.

Ibn Mas`ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man kissed a woman. So he came to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and informed him about it. Then Allah revealed this Ayah: “And perform the Salat, between the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds efface the evil deeds (i.e., minor sins).” (11:114) The man asked the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) whether this applies to him only. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “It applies to all of my Ummah.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Now imagine if these situations happened today and the people involved were maybe known to be pious or God-fearing; how would we react then?! How would we respond to them? Wouldn’t we be the first ones to label them as hypocrites and a disgrace to the Muslim community? Wouldn’t it be a big scandal that we’d talk about for days on?! The prophet p.b.u.h corrected them and prayed for them instead. We should also keep in mind that we’d never know how much a person regrets their actions, feels extremely guilty and cries for repentance every night. Be merciful upon others just like you’d want others to be with you if you were in the same position. Never say ‘I’d never do that or say that’ because honestly, life is the scariest thing to be too sure about. Tables turn every.single.day.

This of course isn’t a justification for anyone’s wrongdoings. Nor should it be an excuse and an easy gateway for people to sin secretly in the hope that Allah (S.W) will cover our tracks. Also, this differs according to the sin/mistake in hand. Cases like rape, sodomy, molestation, harassment, murder or any other grave sin may need a call for justice upon the doer so as to protect others from him/her or to remove them from a certain position.

Allah (S.W) surely knows what is in our hearts and what we struggle with to change and our intentions behind all our actions. Don’t expose your sins but also try with all your being to keep away from them.

Ibn al-Qayyim Rahimahu Llah said : ‘Know that if people are impressed with you, they are impressed with the beauty of Allah’s covering of your sins.’

Thank Allah (S.W) when He protects the world from seeing the darkness within you. Thank Allah when He guides you. Thank Allah when He grants you a chance to sincerely repent.

May Allah (S.W) protect us from the whispering of shaitan and from our own nafs and guide us together with all our loved ones. Ameen.

P.S Leave the skeletons where they belong; in the wardrobe (not literally, but you get me right? )

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