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To read part 4, click here

Getting attached to the Dunya

"I was one to get attached.
Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and
the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.
However, the problem wasn’t with the vase, or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.
Yet the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us. Our weight was only meant to be carried by God."

(Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed)

Mahn, if I ever had a ‘spirit animal’ in this life, Yasmin Mogahed would be the one for me. Years back when I was reading her renowned book ‘Reclaim Your Heart’, I was mesmerized by how well she captured my personality on paper; for her internal struggles were exactly like mine and it was so profound to be guided by someone older on the same battles of life through her pen. I was one (and still am most times) to get attached, and boy didn’t life disappoint me too. I had to learn the hard way temporality of everything. I had to learn that everything coming our way is rizq and sometimes that rizq is not meant to last forever. It could be people, friendship, love, wealth, health, status, moments, even emotions…we could lose any of it or sometimes all of it once their time was up.

I once came across a profound statement that said something like ‘You ache because the love that you have for this thing was only meant for Allah’ and those words really stayed with me. When you first think about it you might deny it, ‘I don’t love this person, this status, this wealth as much as I love Allah’ but the truth is that when you form worldly attachments that paralyze you and make you have delusions then you are, even if indirectly, equating your love for this dunya for the love of Allah. And please take note that mentioning love for dunya is not necessarily love for material things only.

After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.” (Yasmin Mogahed)

Allah Subhanahu Wataala says, “Still there are some who take others as Allah’s equal—they love them as they should love Allah—but the ˹true˺ believers love Allah even more.” And here, Allah refers to the blinding kind of love which makes us feel empty, lost, and in despair without it. No one and nothing can ever fill our emptiness except Allah Subhanahu Wataala. We are of course allowed to grieve and to feel sad upon losing our loved ones or things that meant something to us. Yet no one and nothing should be so dear to us to an extent that we fall into despair upon losing it. This in fact is not described as pure love but rather, misplaced love, unhealthy attachment and sometimes, codependency.

"Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn't about what others can give you because you're empty. It is about what you can give others because you're already full."

(Yasmin Mogahed)

Sometimes in the pursuit of our dreams, acquiring wealth, and building our relationships with others, including our spouses and children, we are overcome with intense passion. Sometimes we spiral out of control; we become slaves to the objects of our love and desire, and most often, we don’t even realize how damaging it is for us. We also don’t realize how these attachments could lead us to disobedience of Allah and the destruction of our nafs.

The Messenger of Allah, peace, and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever absorbs his heart in love of the world will be entangled by three things: misery that will not cease to discomfort him, greed that will not achieve his independence, and vain hopes that will never reach their end. For the world is seeking and is sought. Whoever seeks the world, the Hereafter will pursue him until death comes to him and it seizes him. Whoever seeks the Hereafter, the world will pursue him until he exhausts his provision from it.” (Al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr 10328)

Sometimes we become so engrossed in the events of our lives; both positive or negative ones, to an extent that we are distracted from the main purpose of our lives. For example, someone loses their mother or spouse through death and it makes them fall into complete despair such that it affects their faith. The believer is expected to accept their fate with grace and patience while bearing in mind that what Allah has in store for us is always better. And of course, I am not trying to discount the pain that comes along with the trials of this life. It hurts and aches deeply. Yet at the end of the day, we should remember that Allah never tests us except for what we can handle.

This also means that the love for Allah Subhanahu Wataala should be superior to anything/anyone else and that we should master the art of letting go and detachment. Letting go of all worldly attachments that paralyze us. Detaching from our desires. Cutting off any objects of love that blind us or anything that is no longer benefiting us. Most importantly, looking forward to the rewards of our patience in the hereafter.

“As much as you can, keep dunya (worldly life) in your hand--not in your heart. That means when someone insults you, keep it out of your heart so it doesn't make you bitter or defensive. When someone praises you, also keep it out of your heart, so it doesn't make you arrogant and self-deluded. When you face hardship and stress, don't absorb it in your heart, so you don't become hopeless and overwhelmed. Instead, keep it in your hands and realize that everything passes. When you're given a gift by God, don't hold it in your heart. Hold it in your hand so that you don't begin to love the gift more than the Giver. And so that when it is taken away you can truly respond with 'inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon': 'indeed we belong to God, and to God we return'.” (Yasmin Mogahed)

Some of the ways to detach from the Dunya are:

  • Frequent remembrance of Allah to fill one’s void
  • Seek Allah’s closeness
  • Remember death often
  • Be content and do not be greedy seeking this life
  • Invest in one’s self-development and seek spiritual healing
  • Be pleased with Allah’s fate upon you and trust His wisdom upon how He manages your affairs
  • Realize that anyone or anything in your life belongs to Allah and can be taken away from you at any moment.
  • In cases where you don’t get what you want, or things don’t go your way, realize that perhaps you love a thing and it is not kheyr for you (or the vice versa) as Allah Subhanahu Wataala stated in the Qur’an.
  • Finally, make dua-

Ya Allah, we are your weak, humble servants. We come to you with humility and in hope for Your mercy.

يا حَـيُّ يا قَيّـومُ بِـرَحْمَـتِكِ أَسْتَـغـيث ، أَصْلِـحْ لي شَـأْنـي كُلَّـه ، وَلا تَكِلـني إِلى نَفْـسي طَـرْفَةَ عَـين

“O Ever-Living One, O Eternal One, by Your mercy I call on You to set right all my affairs. Do not place me in charge of my soul even for the blinking of an eye (i.e. a moment).”

اللّهُمَّ قَنِّعْنِيْ بِمَا رَزَقْتَنِيْ ، وَبَارِكْ لِيْ فِيْهِ ، وَاخْلُفْ عَلَى كُلِّ غَائِبَةٍ بِخَيْرٍ

“O Allah, make me content with what you have provided me, send blessings for me therein, and replace for me every absent thing with something better.”

Ya Allah, please do not make this world our biggest concern. Ya Allah, please do not make this world our biggest concern. Ya Allah, please do not make this world our biggest concern.

Protect us from attachments that take us further away from You. Protect us from loving anyone or anything more than you. Protect us from seeking anything that will displease You.

Ya Allah, strengthen our hearts and our imaan such that we can bear our losses with patience and forbearance.

Make us among those who accept their fate with grace and good hope in You.

Heal our souls and grant us peace of mind with whatever happens in our lives. Please don’t let this life overwhelm or devastate us.

Ya Allah occupy our time and minds with Your Remembrance alone. Make us among those who are always striving to do good and be good.

Ya Allah please do not make us slaves to the objects of our love or desires. Please do not make our spouses, children, loved ones, wealth or status take us away from You.

Protect us from persistently pursuing people, wealth, or anything in this life that is not written for us. Instead, please redirect our hearts to what is best for us both in this life and the next.

Our Lord we beg You, do not make our worldly affairs be the reason for Your wrath upon us.

Ya Allah, guide our hearts towards You and allow us to attain Your highest level of Jannah, ameen ya Raabal alameen!

***

If you haven’t read Yasmin Mogahed’s book ‘reclaim Your Heart’ here’s your cue to do so. The book is life-changing mashallah.

Kindly subscribe below to stay tuned with part 6, the final article in this series in Shaa Allah. May Allah be pleased with you always, ameen!

To read part 3, kindly click here

Broken Homes

The Swahilis have a saying that goes like, ‘Ndoa ni kuingiza mkono gizani’ (Marriage is like putting your hand into darkness (let’s say like a dark hole of sorts). This is to mean that whatever comes after the nikah is done is totally uncertain and unknown. However much you might think you know a person before marriage, this new phase is something totally different. It is unpredictable. It is filled with surprises and sometimes shocks too. And a lot of patience is needed.

Marriage is not a bed of roses just like it isn’t an absolute nightmare. There will always be highs and lows. Yet if you ask anyone who is walking into marriage no one will ever tell you that they intend to get divorced after two or three years. No one wants that for themselves and no one even expects it. We all dream of happy, blissful homes, and despite the ups and downs, we want to stay with our partners until our hair turns grey and our faces are filled with wrinkles. We want to have children who will be brilliant in intellect and wonderful in character and who will serve us until our final breath. However, that is not always the reality.

How many times have we heard of cases of domestic violence or emotional abuse or infidelity among spouses? Of fathers raping their children and mothers forming romantic relationships with their sons? Of once very loving partners now dragging each other in courts of law and hanging their dirty linen outside? Of children attempting to kill their own parents or siblings? How many times? It is so easy for us to think, ‘that could never be me’ yet how many times have we witnessed the tables turn, and in the worst way possible?

Most of us fail to realize how fragile our fates are and how we are in desperate need of Allah’s mercy and protection. Don’t let it confuse you-not every spoilt, criminal child is a result of a poor upbringing, and not every divorced partner is a result of awful character. For how many times have we witnessed pious, humble spouses from good families having the cruelest children who were but a test to them? And how many times have we seen two good individuals who were better in their separate ways rather than in a marriage? And how many negligent parents have the most responsible and kind children?

Allah Subhanahu Wataala says in Surat Al Furqan, verse 20: ‘…And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.’

Think about it- Nabii Lut’s wife, Nabii Nuh’s son, Nabii Ibrahim’s father were among the disbelievers. Nabii Yusuf’s brothers were the plotters against him, and Asiya’s husband, Fira’un, was the worst man to have walked this earth….

Think about the boy who was killed by Al Khidr during his journey with Nabii Musa aleyhi ssalam in Surat Kahf (verse 80 – 81) And Al Khidr explains to Nabii Musa why he ended the boy’s life in this verse:

“And as for the boy, his parents were ˹true˺ believers, and we feared that he would pressure them into defiance and disbelief. So we hoped that their Lord would give them another, more virtuous and caring in his place.”

This was a mercy from Allah to the parents-saving them from a child who was potentially going to mislead them. Yet sometimes Allah allows the child to live on and become a test to his parents.

Similarly, think of the case of Zaid ibn Harith (the adopted son of the prophet peace be upon him) who had to divorce Zeinab bint Jahsh because of the troubles in their marriage despite both of them being among the sahabas; good, pious people. And Allah Subhanahu Wataala revealed to the prophet peace be upon him to marry Zeinab after the divorce (And this was to show the validity of marrying an adopted son’s ex-wife).

…The list goes on and on. Weren’t these prophets and most pious individuals? Yet they too endured tests within their families Subhanallah.

'O you who have believed, indeed, among your spouses and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive - then indeed, Allāh is Forgiving and Merciful. Your wealth and your children are but a trial, and Allah has with Him a great reward.'

(Surat At-Taghabun, verse 14 - 15)

When I was younger I used to think that if a spouse is pious and affectionate with their spouse, and they raised their children upon the deen then nothing could ever go wrong. But boy, didn’t life open up my eyes? It is very scary and sad when we look around our own families and friends’ marriages and see the kind of struggles people have to endure. And for every one person that I meet that says, ‘Get married, it is such a beautiful thing’ I meet four others who say, ‘Don’t rush. Take your time for what awaits on the other side is not a joke.’ It is even more heartbreaking to see what children have to endure as a result of broken homes or the kind of monsters created within them from the experiences they endure. Or sometimes we see parents violate and abuse their own children and vice versa, and it really terrifies me that none of us is guaranteed an upright spouse who will fear Allah on you and your children or children who will honour you after you gave them the best kind of upbringing.

It all goes back to what Allah has decreed upon us- and sometimes, these same people who are meant to be blessings, become the hardest trials upon us (May Allah protect us). I think it is timely to say that, the next time you see someone in a tough marriage, or who is divorced, don’t be quick to judge their character or religiosity. Just the same way when you see a child abusing drugs or harming his/her own family members, don’t be quick to point fingers at the parents for poor upbringing. And of course, these trials are not necessarily only within the direct family. Sometimes the in-laws are the test, or one’s parents or grandparents, or siblings or extended family.

Truly life is not simply black and white. If anything, whenever we see someone suffering at the hands of their own people, or when we see people harming their own loved ones, we should be quick to make dua for them and for ourselves, our children, and our families -for very very easily could we be tested the same exact way or worse.

*

Ya Allah, we come to you with our hopes and fears with regards to our homes.

Ya Allah, please grant us peaceful homes that will be filled with Your remembrance. Please grant us spouses, children, families and in-laws who will be huge blessings to us, and us to them. Ya Allah, please do not test us with our spouses, children, parents, siblings, families or in-laws. Ya Allah make our families have the fear of You with regards to us and enable us to be among Your most beloved worshippers.

Ya Allah, please grant us spouses who will bring us closer to you. Who will be merciful, kind and compassionate towards us throughout the highs and lows of life. Ya Allah make them fit in well with our families and let us fit well with their families. Ya Allah make our spouses honour our parents like their own and make us do the same for their parents. Ya Allah grant us an understanding of one another, patience towards each others’ shortcomings and love and mercy that lasts till Jannah.

Ya Allah grant us offsprings who will grow up in Your remembrance; who will love You and dedicate their lives to your worship. Ya Allah make Your book, the Qur’an, beloved to them and to us, and make them among those who not only recite it beautifully but memorize it and apply its teachings to their lives.

Ya Allah, if you have written for us spouses and offspring who will be a test for us, we beg You to change that fate for us and grant us in their place spouses and offspring who will be a huge blessing to us.

Ya Allah make our spouses, children, and families feel most safe with us, and may we feel most safe with them. Ya Allah protect us from divorce, and unhappy marriages that can only be survived and endured, and lifeless marriages that lack love and compassion, and ungrateful children and displeasure of parents and cruelty of in-laws.

Ya Allah please bless our homes and protect us from all evil, conflict, ayn, hasad and sihr.

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

‘Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.’

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ

‘My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring.’


رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ

‘My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and from my descendants. Our Lord, and accept my supplication.’

رَبَّنَا وَٱجْعَلْنَا مُسْلِمَيْنِ لَكَ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِنَآ أُمَّةًۭ مُّسْلِمَةًۭ لَّكَ وَأَرِنَا مَنَاسِكَنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَآ ۖ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلتَّوَّابُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ

‘Our Lord! Make us submissive to You and make out of our descendants a community that submits itself to You, and show us the ways of Your worship, and turn to us in mercy. You are Much-Relenting, Most Compassionate.’


رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَالِدَيَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضَاهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِي ۖ إِنِّي تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِين

‘My Lord! Inspire me to ˹always˺ be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instil righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit ˹to Your Will˺.’

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنْ لَدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً ۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ

‘My Lord, grant me from Yourself a good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication.’

اللَّهُمَّ أَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِنَا وَأَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنَا وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلاَمِ وَنَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّورِ وَجَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَبَارِكْ لَنَا فِي أَسْمَاعِنَا وَأَبْصَارِنَا وَقُلُوبِنَا وَأَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ وَاجْعَلْنَا شَاكِرِينَ لِنِعْمَتِكَ مُثْنِينَ بِهَا قَابِلِيهَا وَأَتِمَّهَا عَلَيْنَا‏.‏

‘O Allah, join our hearts, mend our social relationship, guide us to the path of peace, bring us from darkness to light, save us from obscenities, outward or inward, and bless our ears, our eyes, our hearts, our wives, our children, and relent toward us; Thou art the Relenting, the Merciful. And make us grateful for Thy blessing and make us praise it while accepting it and give it to us in full.’

Ameen ameen ameen!

***

Alhamdulilah we are blessed to be alive within the last ten days of Ramadhan. May Allah grant us the chance to experience laylatul qadr while in worship. May He grant us redemption, accept our good deeds and elevate our status, ameen!

Kindly subscribe below to stay tuned with part 5 of this series: ‘Getting attached to the Dunya’ in Shaa Allah. And please share the link to your networks, shukran! Stay blessed in shaa Allah 🙂

To read part 2, kindly click here.

Losing of loved ones

I am very familiar with grief. With its smell that lingers and its sour taste on the lips kissing you with every remembrance and every memory. It is something inevitable that each one of us will experience; whether it is separation in this world because of conflict or changes beyond our control, or because of death.

When it comes to worldly separation, we’ve seen families separate, take each other to court and some even kill each other because of wealth or other kinds of fitna. Sometimes beloved companions become detested enemies because of betrayal, envy, or revealed ill intentions. It truly breaks the heart when family or friends who were once closest to you are now the ones against you.

Yet despite all that, the loss through death is the one that hurts the most. It is inevitable. It is permanent. And death- you never really get used to it. There is no point where you can say you have lost enough people that it doesn’t hurt anymore. It hurts. It always will. This is why Allah Subhanahu Wataala gives glad tidings to those who are patient with such tests; their reward is going to be enormous in the hereafter.

"We will certainly test you with a touch of fear and famine and loss of property, life, and crops. Give good news to those who patiently endure."

Surat Al Baqarah, Verse 155

Naturally then, the fear of losing loved ones is so vivid within me. Whenever death struck and depending on the dearness of the person to me, it would last me many months and even years before I could even say I am over it. Yet the worst fear of all is losing my beloved parents. The dearest people to my heart. The two individuals that I am absolutely terrified to lose.

I grew up witnessing my parents struggle with major health complications for a big part of their lives that had both of them take pills like sweets to be devoured morning, noon, and night alhamdulillah. Yet whenever either of them got more ill, I would always think, ‘Is this it? Is this goodbye now?’ And my heart would remain in distress until I could finally see them better.

I remember during the Corona period, my mother lost two of her siblings to Corona in less than a year; one of whom was my favourite uncle. This was in addition to several other relatives who had also contracted the virus and had been very ill from it.

Within the months that followed our entire home was affected with flu, sore throat, and several other symptoms of Corona. My mother was the worst for she was really struggling to breathe and her coughing would be heard throughout the day and night. The initial tests she did stated that she had pneumonia with an indication of Corona. This was exactly what had happened to my uncle. My fear tripled and I spent my days crying endlessly. I really thought this is it. My parents having Corona and major health conditions? It was only by Allah’s mercy that they would survive. My tears would flow effortlessly and with no warning but I tried to hide them as much as I could.

But then one day it became too overwhelming for me to keep it to myself. I remembered mama two during her last days; how I stayed away because it was too painful to see her waste away. How that haunted me for many years after, because I kept thinking did she really understand I stayed away and couldn’t meet her eye to eye because I never wanted to lose her? And that I felt so helpless for I couldn’t take away her pain? Did she really know how much I loved her?’ Questions questions…

I, therefore, decided to talk to my mother about it. But when I got to her, I was weeping and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, ‘What if you die?’ In retrospect, I now realize how wrong that question was for it to be directed to a sick person. But in moments of weakness, we rarely think clearly before speaking. Now my father- who is such a firm and brave man- awoke from his sleep from my crying, thinking that someone had literally died. When he was told I was crying because I was worried about them, he clicked his tongue and went back to sleep 😂 (I love my dad because he reminds me of Umar Ibn Khattab; tough people with unwavering strength and perseverance. It is he who has taught me to never fear anyone or accept any kind of injustice. Whether I implement that is another story 😂) And even though he knows when to be gentle and merciful, I could sense that he expected better from me.

My mother on the other hand hugged me and she said, ‘Then we’d be dead. You must prepare yourself for it because it is inevitable. We’re all going to experience it sooner or later. You have to be strong.’ Then to comfort me, she went on to mention people we know who were (previously) critically ill yet still made it through and others who died for no other reason than that their time had arrived. She wanted me to be more hopeful of Allah’s mercy and keep making dua for them.

My elder sister, whom I consider the epitome of patience (Allah ybarik feeha) said, “It is like we’re all on a journey on a train. And at some point, different people will have to alight at different stages because their journey has come to an end. Yet that doesn’t mean the rest of us will come to a halt because someone alighted from the train. We go on with our journey regardless, because we haven’t yet reached our destination. We have no choice but to move on.”

I still marvel at their words because despite knowing the reality of death and what our Deen requires from us, I am in awe of their firm faith. With their strength. With their good expectations on acquiring better with Allah in the next life. Most times I wish I was as strong as they are.

I am still trying, and mostly failing at being that strong. My mother says she is most worried about me among her children (despite being a middle child) after they’re gone because of my fragility. And of course, it is something I will perhaps have to work on throughout my life yet I realize I should always seek Allah’s help through it all.

“The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, “if only I had done such and such” rather say “Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa’ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).” For (saying) ‘If’ opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.'” (Sunan Ibn Majah 79)

I strive to be stronger with firmer faith. This is why I bring those fears to Allah Subhanahu Wataala. The only One with answers. The only One with relief. The only One who can really strengthen me.

For those who’ve died…

Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim…there are people in the graves; people who loved us dearly and we loved them just as much. People who we continue to miss even years after their demise…Ya Allah, please forgive them. Please have mercy on them and make their graves to be beautiful gardens from the gardens of Paradise that are filled with wonderful scents never smelled before. Ya Allah please elevate their status, make them among those who will enter Jannah without accountability, and most importantly Ya Allah, reunite us with them beautifully in the highest level of Jannah, Ameen.

For our loved ones in this life…

Ya Allah, please protect our loved ones from all harm and evil of this world. Protect our bonds with them from betrayal, ill intentions, misguidance, envy, and any kind of fitna. Enrich our relationships with your love and nurture within us sincerity and compassion towards one another. Ya Allah, allow us to stay in good relations with them till our death and reunite us thereafter in your eternal paradise.

Ya Allah, when it is time for us or our loved ones to depart from this world, grant us (and them) the strength and patience to bear the loss. Grant us firm faith and comfort in the belief that we shall meet once again at a better place with better lives in your Jannah Ya Rab.

And Ya Allah, if anyone pretends to love us while they backbite/slander/envy/have ill intentions towards us, we seek your protection from them, Ya Allah. Grant us insight in recognizing them for who they really are and as early as possible, ameen.

For our parents…

Ya Rab, before you take away our parents grant us an opportunity to serve them, assist them, make them happy and make their dreams come true. Ya Allah, please grant them long, healthy lives filled with your love, mercy, and peace. Allow them to witness and be part of our success and prosperity in this life while in a good state of health and mind. Allow them to be present during milestones of our lives; career advancements, marriage, parenthood, and the growth of our connection with you. Guide us to serve them without any hesitation or complaints or exhaustion. Ya Rab, please bless us with an opportunity to visit your Holy Lands Makkah and Madina with them and all our siblings, while in good health and make us among those whose ibadat will be accepted. Ya Allah, protect us from being among those who neglect their parents during old age.

Ya Allah, when it is their time to depart from this world, please take them without testing them with illnesses that will humiliate or shame them before other people. Ya Allah, make them die gracefully without suffering or needing anyone but You. Only take them when they are very pleased with us and you are very pleased with them. Ya Allah, grant them and us, beautiful endings.

Oh Lord, for any good that we do, let them have a share of it for they have nurtured us in the best manner as you required of them. And when you do take them, grant us the strength, patience, and comfort to bear their loss. Guide us to remember them with dua and sadaqat after their departure and reunite us thereafter in your Jannah, in the most beautiful way. Ameen Ya Rabbal Alaameen!

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Whenever calamity strikes and we lose one of our loved ones, may we always remember this hadith and may we be among those believing slaves, Ameen!

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Allah, the Exalted, says: ‘I have no reward except Jannah for a believing slave of Mine who shows patience and anticipates My reward when I take away his favourite one from the inhabitants of the world.”‘ (Riyad as-Salihin 923)

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P.S: Alhamdulilah my parents and family survived the Corona virus. Alhamdulilah. Please keep them in your duas.

That said, I am also kindly requesting that you make dua for one of my loved ones who’s been critically ill, admitted to the ICU for a couple of days now. I will realllyyy appreciate your duas.

Thank you so much for your time! May Allah accept our good deeds, strengthen our imaan and make us among His most beloved servants, ameen!

Kindly subscribe below to stay tuned with part 4 of this series: Broken Homes in Shaa Allah 🙂

To read part 1 of this series, click here.

Misguidance, Humiliation, and Death Upon Them

One of the most striking stories for me is Barsisa’s; the man who was known for his spirituality, piety, and dedication to the religion yet he ended up being a fornicator, a murderer, and just before he died, a mushrik (for he bowed down for Shaitan). I think about Barsisa a lot. I talk about his story to anyone who cares to hear about it. I ponder on it because it gives me a reality check. None of us is safe from the whispers of shaitan. None of us is guaranteed to die upon guidance and on the straight path. His story (among many others) terrifies me. If this man who loved Allah Subhanahu Wataala deeply and was devoted to his worship had such a humiliating end, who am I to feel confident about my own religiosity?

Think about it; how many times have we witnessed the humiliation of prominent people; individuals known for their da’awah or charity work or whatever good they are known for? How many hijabis were we following and saw them as our role models and very heartbreakingly, we saw them remove hijab bit by bit as they gained popularity? Please don’t get me wrong. I do not look at them with the eye of judgment but rather, that of extreme fear. For myself. For my loved ones. That could be me. It could easily be me or you or your sister if Allah Subhanahu Wataala doesn’t protect us from our own selves and the whispers of shaitan.

With the kind of fitna we have right now, evil has become so popularized and romanticized to the extent that we don’t even realize when we start going the wrong way. And when we do, unfortunately, our friends and family would rather look from afar rather than reach out to us before worse gets to worst. When we finally have our downfall and public humiliation, we become ‘teaaaaa’ followed by laughing emojis among the social media citizens. We love the drama. We love the ‘I knew he/she was too good to be true’. We love the ‘She/He’s always been a hypocrite’. And yeah, perhaps they were truly hypocrites, and Allah Subhanahu Wataala finally exposed them. Or perhaps they lost control over their nafs and lost their way…who knows perhaps they will repent and be forgiven? How do we not take a moment to think about our own shortcomings and ponder our own direction? How confident are we that the same thing could never happen to you and me? So in our excitement, we retweet, we quote tweet, we share the videos and screenshots. We make jokes and create memes, because…it could never be you? We forget that we have our own skeletons in our wardrobes that Allah Subhanahu Wataala has skillfully concealed from the world.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some things that people have to be called out for; like when a person in da’awah is intentionally misleading people, or a person has been redirecting charity funds to their own accounts…you know, things that we would say that people NEED to know about because otherwise, it can be detrimental to the Muslim community. Yet when it is individualistic sins, how are we so quick to humiliate and shame others when Allah Subhanahu Wataala has concealed our own? How are we so sure that we would never fall into a similar sin? Subhanallah.

Such thoughts absolutely terrify me because what if I became misguided? Would anyone care enough to correct me? Guide me? Would anyone pray for me? Or would people wait to rejoice and make fun of my misguidance?

Sometimes I think people are not scared enough. And of course, I am not saying I have no hope in Allah’s mercy upon me or upon us all, but it just shocks me how comfortable people get seeing others fall into misguidance and the best they can do is gossip and humiliate further the individuals at wrong. It shocks me that we are not busy thinking of our own piles and piles of sins and begging Allah to protect us from a disgraceful and humiliating end Subhanallah. That we do not take that moment to make dua for them and for ourselves and our loved ones. Guaranteed Jannah much?!

Not for me at least. I realize how weak, flawed, and vulnerable I am. I realize that I am never better than the next person. I have no guarantee nor confidence except in the mercy of Allah Subhanahu Wataala.

Shahr bin Hawshab said: “I said to Umm Salamah: ‘O Mother of the Believers! What was the supplication that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said most frequently when he was with you?” She said: ‘The supplication he said most frequently was: “O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion (Yā Muqallibal-qulūb, thabbit qalbī `alā dīnik).’” She said: ‘So I said: “O Messenger of Allah, why do you supplicate so frequently: ‘O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion.’ He said: ‘O Umm Salamah! Verily, there is no human being except that his heart is between Two Fingers of the Fingers of Allah, so whomsoever He wills He makes steadfast, and whomever He wills He causes to deviate.’” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 3522)

So here I am…asking you to join me in asking Allah Subhanahu Wataala for His protection and guidance.

Ya Allah, please forgive us; both our private and public sins. Ya Rahman, have mercy on us. Grant us Your love and allows us to die upon firm faith. Please grant us good companions who will always remind us when we err and who will pray for us even after our death. We beg you Ya Allah, please conceal our shortcomings and guide us upon the truth. Grant us sincerity in all our actions and purify our souls.

Ya Muhaymin, be our Guardian and protect us from misguidance and humiliation. Protect us from the fitna of our times. Strengthen our imaan and make us among your most beloved servants.

Ya Al Haadi, when you see us deviating and going the wrong path, please bring us back to you in a beautiful way. Please bring us back to you in a beautiful manner. Please bring us back to you in a beautiful manner and allow us to die in a beautiful manner as well, ameen.

Here are some more duas from the sunnah and pious predecessors:


رَبَّنَا لاَ تُزِغْ قُلُوبَنَا بَعْدَ إِذْ هَدَيْتَنَا وَهَبْ لَنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحْمَةً إِنَّكَ أَنتَ الْوَهَّابُ

“Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestower”.

اللهُمَّ أَصْلِحْ لِي دِينِي الَّذِي هُوَ عِصْمَةُ أَمْرِي، وَأَصْلِحْ لِي دُنْيَايَ الَّتِي فِيهَا مَعَاشِي، وَأَصْلِحْ لِي آخِرَتِي الَّتِي فِيهَا مَعَادِي، وَاجْعَلِ الْحَيَاةَ زِيَادَةً لِي فِي كُلِّ خَيْرٍ، وَاجْعَلِ الْمَوْتَ رَاحَةً لِي مِنْ كُلِّ شَرٍّ

“Oh Allah, rectify for me my religion which is the safeguard of my affairs, and rectify for me the affairs of this world wherein is my sustenance, and rectify for me my Hereafter to which is my return, and make life for me an increase for every good, and make death a relief for me from every evil.”

اللهُمَّ اهْدِنِي وَسَدِّدْنِي

“Oh Allah! Guide me and set me on the straight path.”

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلَى دِينِكَ‏‏

“Oh Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion.”

اللّٰهُمَّ مُصَرِّفَ القُلُوبِ صَرِّفْ قُلُوبَنَا عَلَى طَاعَتِكَ

“Oh Allah! Controller of the hearts, direct our hearts to Your obedience.”

للَّهُمَّ اقْسِمْ لَنَا مِنْ خَشْيَتِكَ مَا تَحُولُ بِهِ بَيْنَنَا وَبَيْنَ مَعَاصِيكَ، وَمِنْ طَاعَتِكَ مَا تُبَلِّغُنَا بِهِ جَنَّتَكَ، وَمِنَ الْيَقِينِ مَا تُهَوِّنُ بِهِ عَلَيْنَا مَصَائِبَ الدُّنْيَا، اللَّهُمَّ مَتِّعْنَا بِأَسْمَاعِنَا، وَأَبْصَارِنَا، وَقُوَّاتِنَا مَا أَحْيَيْتَنَا، وَاجْعَلْهُ الْوَارِثَ مِنَّا، وَاجْعَلْ ثَأْرَنَا عَلَى مَنْ ظَلَمَنَا، وَانْصُرْنَا عَلَى مَنْ عَادَانَا، وَلَا تَجْعَلْ مُصِيبَتَنَا فِي دِينِنَا، وَلَا تَجْعَلِ الدُّنْيَا أَكْبَرَ هَمِّنَا، وَلَا مَبْلَغَ عِلْمِنَا، وَلَا تُسَلِّطْ عَلَيْنَا مَنْ لَا يَرْحَمُنَا

“Oh Allah, apportion to us such fear as should serve as a barrier between us and acts of disobedience; and such obedience as will take us to Your Jannah; and such as will make easy for us to bear in the calamities of this world. O Allah! let us enjoy our hearing, our sight and our power as long as You keep us alive and make our heirs from our own offspring, and make our revenge restricted to those who oppress us, and support us against those who are hostile to us, Let no misfortune afflict our Deen; let not worldly affairs be our principal concern, or the ultimate limit of our knowledge, and let not those rule over us who do not show mercy to us.”

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الثَّبَاتَ فِي الْأَمْرِ، وَالْعَزِيمَةَ عَلَى الرُّشْدِ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مُوجِبَاتِ رَحْمَتِكَ، وَعَزَائِمَ مَغْفِرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ شُكْرَ نِعْمَتِكَ، وَحُسْنَ عِبَادَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ قَلْبَاً سَلِيمَاً، وَلِسَانَاً صَادِقَاً، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ خَيْرِ مَا تَعْلَمُ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا تَعْلَمُ، وَأَسْتَغْفِرُكَ لِمَا تَعْلَمُ، إِنَّكَ أنْتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوبِ

“Oh Allah verily I ask of You for steadfastness and consistency in all my affairs; and I ask You for the resolve to adhere to the path of guidance. And I ask of You for that which obligates Your mercy and resolutions for Your forgiveness. And I ask of You for the capability to be thankful for Your blessings and to worship you in a correct and good way. And I ask of You for a heart which is purified in belief and free from desires and a truthful tongue. And ask of You for the best of what You know, and I seek refuge with You from the evil of what You know and I seek forgiveness for that which You know. Indeed You are the One who knows the unseen.”

اللهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ إِيمَانًا لاَ يَرْتَدُّ، وَنَعِيمًا لاَ يَنْفَدُ، وَمُرَافَقَةَ مُحَمَّدٍ صَلى الله عَلَيه وسَلم فِي أَعْلَى جَنَّةِ الْخُلْدِ

“Oh Allah! I ask you for Iman that does not retrogress, bounties that do not deplete and the companionship of Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) in the highest levels of the eternal Jannah.”

اَللّٰهُمَّ اَرِنَا الْحَقَّ حَقًّا وَّ ارْزُقْنَا اتِّبَاعَهٗوَ اَرِنَا الْبَاطِلَ بَاطِلًا وَّ ارْزُقْنَا اجْتِنَابَه

“Oh Allah! Enable us to see the Truth as Truth and give us the ability to follow it. And show us the falsehood as false and give us the ability to refrain from it.”

Other duas from the pious predecessors:

“Oh Allah, do not make a lesson out of me for others, and do not let there be anyone who benefits more than me from what You have taught me.” By: AlMutarrif ibn ‘Abdullah

“Oh Allah, veil us with your beautiful veil and place beneath that veil what will please You from us.” By: Sufyan ibn ‘Uyaynah

And I am going to end this piece with a beautiful dua taught by Abdullah ibn Mas’ud:

“Oh Allah, Originator of the heavens and earth, Knower of the seen and unseen, I testify in this worldly life of mine that if You leave me to myself, by that You are bringing me closer to harm and distancing me from good. I have no confidence except in Your mercy, so let that be a covenant that you deliver to me on the Day of Judgment-for You never break promises.”

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Till next time in shaa Allah, stay blessed!

If interested in hearing the story of Barsisa, please watch the video here

Also, please subscribe and stay tuned for Part 3: ‘Turning Fears into Duas: Losing of Loved Ones.’

Introduction

The only fear a Muslim should have is the fear of Allah i.e. taqwa (God-consciousness). The fear of falling into sin and earning punishment from Allah. The fear of acquiring His wrath. The fear of becoming unworthy of His love and mercy. Yet we are expected to have a healthy balance between that fear and hope in Allah.

Allah Subhanahu Wataala said:

إِنَّهُمْ كَانُوا يُسَارِعُونَ فِي الْخَيْرَاتِ وَيَدْعُونَنَا رَغَبًا وَرَهَبًا ۖ وَكَانُوا لَنَا خَاشِعِينَ

“Verily, they would hasten to good deeds and supplicate to Us in hope and fear, and they were humbly submissive to Us.” (Surah Al-Anbiya 21:90)

And our prophet peace be upon him said:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْلَمْتُ وَجْهِي إِلَيْكَ وَفَوَّضْتُ أَمْرِي إِلَيْكَ وَأَلْجَأْتُ ظَهْرِي إِلَيْكَ رَغْبَةً وَرَهْبَةً إِلَيْكَ

“O Allah, I submit my face to you and entrust my affair to you. I commit myself to you out of hope and fear of you.” (Sahih Muslim 2710)

The Muslim has hope in Allah; that He will forgive him and have mercy on him. He has good expectations of his Lord for the good deeds he does in this life. Yet the fear is to motivate him to stay away from sin and to repent often. It makes us mindful of our deeds and our relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wataala.

“The heart on its path to Allah the Almighty is like a bird, where love is its head, and fear and hope are its wings.”

(Ibn Al Qayyim)

I once had this conversation with a good friend who sent me a clip by sister Yasmin Mogahed. She was talking about converting our fears into duas in an amazing way I hadn’t really thought about. Of course, we make dua all the time, and sometimes we mention our fears in it, but it is not really an intentional effort but rather a subconscious one. The importance of understanding what we’re asking from Allah is so that one is not simply chorusing the memorized duas, but rather, customizing those duas to be specific to one’s deepest fears and talking to Allah about them. It is having a deep conversation like He is your dearest friend; you open up, you become vulnerable, and you show your weakness and shortcomings as a Human being. Then you ask Him to save you, to protect you from all those matters that bring fear to your heart.

As we begin this series on ‘Turning Fears into Duas’, I would love to end the introduction with an amazing dua by a pious predecessor by the name Habiba Al-‘Adawiyah as stated in the remarkable book ‘Prayers of the Pious’ by Sheikh Omar Suleiman. This wonderful woman had a custom that towards the middle of the night, she would head to the rooftop and would call out to Allah with these wonderful words:

“O Allah, the stars have vanished, the eyes have slept, the kings have locked their doors, and Your door remains open. Every lover has found privacy with their beloved, and here I am standing before You.”

Here we are…our dua begins…

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Ramadhan Mubarak dear reader. May Allah Subhanahu Wataala accept you among His most beloved servants, ameen!

Please subscribe (at the bottom of the page) to receive direct notifications on this series (and others). Stay tuned for Part 2: ‘Turning Fears into Duas: Misguidance, Humiliation and Death Upon Them.’

To read the third part of this series, click on the following link:  https://lubnah.me.ke/women-of-jannah-khadija-bint-khuwaylid/

#The love and compassion between father and daughter

Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her was only 5 years old when the first revelation occurred. She therefore grew up in Islam. She was the 5th child of the prophet and his last daughter (according to some narrations). There was once, when Fatima was still very young, the prophet peace be upon him was praying in front of the Kaabah and Abu Jahl, Shaybah and Uqba Ibn Abi Mu’ayt were nearby watching him. Abu Jahl then asked one to volunteer to pick the guts of a camel and all of its filth and dump it on the prophet’s back while praying, just to humiliate him. Uqba ibn Abi Mu’ayt volunteered and brought all that filth and dumped it on the prophet’s back while in sujood. Fatima, this very young, tender girl, seeing her father in this state while the people around laughed and cursed him, goes to him. She starts scraping all of the filth on his back while crying. The prophet peace be upon him then said to her: ‘Do not cry oh my daughter. Allah will help your father and give him victory.’ And this is when the prophet started cursing the individuals who had taken part in the humiliating action. It is narrated that these same individuals were among the first to be killed during the battle of badr.

The love and compassion between father and daughter was so vivid that Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her was nicknamed ‘Umm Abeeha’ which means ‘The mother to her father’. This was due to how much she took care of her father, as if she was his mother rather than his daughter.

When Khadija peace be upon her died, Fatima was the one who comforted him and handled the home affairs. Fatima was also nicknamed ‘Al Zahraa’ to mean ‘the illuminated one’ or ‘the shining one’ due to her radiant face as the prophet’s was. In fact it was well known how the two resembled each other so much, even in the manner of speaking and walking. And the prophet peace be upon him was never hesitant to show his love for her. Whenever Fatima came to him, he stood up, welcomed her, kissed her hand and made her sit in his place. And when the prophet peace be upon him went to her, she would do the same for him.

Whenever the prophet came back from a journey, he would pray two rakaahs in the masjid as is the Sunnah then go to Fatima’s house before going to see his wives.

How beautiful is this kind of relationship? Don’t we all wish we had such connections with our fathers? Unfortunately very few men adopt the prophet’s way of living with his women, and some feel it makes them seem weak if they showed affection to their children publicly or even privately. But here was the prophet, treated his daughter like real royalty despite the jahiliya culture of the Quraysh to belittle their women.

#Jannah is the goal

Now despite the prophet treating Fatima, may Allah be pleased with them both, as royalty, she and her husband Ali may peace be upon them lived a very simple life.

When he first wanted to come to propose to the prophet for Fatima’s hand, he came while being very nervous. He sat by the prophet but couldn’t say a word, so the prophet asked him if he had come to propose for Fatima’s hand and Ali said yes.

At that time Ali had nothing apart from a shield. So the prophet asked him to sell the shield and give the amount as dowry to Fatima. The prophet could have chosen any wealthy sahaba to marry him off to his most beloved daughter. Yet he accepted Ali’s proposal for he knew him to be a great man and an appropriate husband for his daughter. Their home was so humble and they slept on sheepskin.

“In another occasion, it is reported on the authority of Ali that Fatima had corns in her hand because of working at the hand-mill. There had fallen to the lot of Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) some prisoners of war. She (Fatima) came to the Prophet (ﷺ) but she did not find him (in the house). She met A’isha and informed her (about her hardship and wanting a servant). When Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) came, she (A’isha) informed him about the visit of Fatima. Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) came to them (Fatima and her family). They had gone to their beds. ‘Ali further (reported):

We tried to stand up (as a mark of respect) but Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: Keep to your beds, and he sat amongst us and I felt the coldness of his feet upon my chest. He then said: May I not direct you to something better than what you have asked for? When you go to your bed, you should recite Takbir (Allah-o-Akbar) thirty-four times and Tasbih (Subhan Allah) thirty-three times and Tahmid (al-Hamdu li-Allah) thirty-three times, and that is better than the servant for you.” (Sahih Muslim)

From this narration, we also see that despite the prophet’s ability to provide for Fatima a servant and make her live like real royalty with great comfort, he chose to teach them what is better i.e. what will be of benefit to them in the hereafter. In these several occasions, we see that the prophet, despite his grand love for his daughter, still chose to nurture the love for the akhera within her rather than for this dunya. And this is definitely something worth pondering for us. It is not impermissible to want to be wealthy and comfortable in life, but remember not to seek the dunya so much, instead, let Jannah be the goal.

#Standing for one another

So in different occasions whilst the prophet was at Aisha’s house (it was her turn to be with him), the sahabas would bring gifts to her house more than any other wife’s house. The other wives of the prophet were not happy about this so they sent Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her, to talk to the prophet on their behalf. In short, the wives wanted the prophet to put a stop to this matter for it seemed unfair. But this was not the prophet’s fault or any injustice from him. The people themselves preferred to do that. So when Fatima went to the prophet while he was with Aisha, she said to him: “Your wives have sent me to you in order to ask you to observe equity in case of the daughter of Abu Quhafa (Aisha).’ Aisha kept quiet and the prophet then said to Fatima, ‘Oh my daughter, don’t you love whom I love?’ She said: ‘I do.’ The prophet said: ‘I love this one’ (meaning Aisha). So Fatima stood up and went back to the other wives and told them what had ensued. They told Fatima: ‘We think that you have been of no avail to us. You may again go to Allah’s Messenger and tell him that his wives seek equity in case of the daughter of Abu Quhafa.’ Fatima said: ‘By Allah, I will never talk to him about this matter.’ (Sahih Muslim)

From her love for her father, Fatima decided not to pursue anything that would go against him and we can see the prophet doing the same for his daughter in another occasion when Ali bin Abi Talib, may Allah be pleased with him when he wanted to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl.

Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, wanted to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl. When Fatima heard about this, she went to the prophet saying: “Your people think that you do not become angry for the sake of your daughters as `Ali is now going to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl.” When she said that, the prophet stood up, said the shahadah then said, “I married one of my daughters to Abu Al-`As bin Al- Rabi` (the husband of Zainab, the daughter of the Prophet before Islam and he proved truthful in whatever he said to me. No doubt, Fatima is a part of me, and whoever makes her angry, makes me angry. By Allah, the daughter of Allah’s Messenger and the daughter of Allah’s Enemy cannot be the wives of one man.” So `Ali gave up that engagement. (Sahih Bukhari)

It should be noted that the prophet didn’t just stop Ali from marrying another wife alongside his daughter. This was the daughter of the enemy of the prophet and the enemy of Islam and it wouldn’t befit that Fatima, be in such a situation (of co-wifing the daughter of an enemy of Islam) so please don’t use this hadith to prevent polygamy 😀

#Piety and Modesty

Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her was known for her piety and modesty like her mother. This is the woman that the prophet peace be upon him named, ‘sayyidat nisaa’ al-jannah’ to mean, ‘the queen, the leader of the women of paradise’. Fatima is among the four women who perfected their faith alongside her mother (as we mentioned in the previous parts of this series). She was held in high esteem due to her character and imaan.

According to some opinions is that surat Insan was revealed concerning Fatima and Ali, may Allah be pleased with them. The family had fasted for 3 days to fulfill a vow they had made. In each evening, during iftar, someone knocked on their door asking for food. Once it was a prisoner of war, then an orphan then a poor person. In all three occasions, they gave out their food and were left with barely anything for themselves. And it is because of this selfless act that Allah subhanahu wataala revealed surat insan and He says:

“And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive. [Saying], “We feed you only for the countenance of Allah. We wish not from you reward or gratitude. Indeed, We fear from our Lord a Day austere and distressful.” So Allah will protect them from the evil of that Day and give them radiance and happiness. And will reward them for what they patiently endured [with] a garden [in Paradise] and silk [garments]….” (Surat Insan: verse 8-12) And Allah goes on to give an in-depth description of jannah and what will be available for them therein.

In another narration is that, when Fatima was on her death bed, she looked up in the heavens and smiled. She then called for Asmaa bint Umays who was the one going to wash her body. Fatima then requested Asmaa that after doing her ghusl upon her death, that her janazah be done at night so that there aren’t many people and also, she will be concealed. In another narration, Asmaa had mentioned of a tradition she had seen in Abyssinia where the dead are covered in a bier with a cloth on it whereby the body is concealed and cannot be seen. So Fatima requested that this same bier is used for her burial so that people will not see her body curves.

# ‘After You’

“Narrated `Aisha: Mother of the Believers: We, the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) were all sitting with the Prophet (ﷺ) and none of us had left when Fatima came walking, and by Allah, her gait was very similar to that of Allah’s Messenger.’ When he saw her, he welcomed her, saying, “Welcome, O my daughter!” Then he made her sit on his right or his left, confided something to her, whereupon she wept bitterly. When he noticed her sorrow, he confided something else to her for the second time, and she started laughing.

Only I from among the Prophet’s wives said to her, “(O Fatima), Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) selected you from among us for the secret talk and still you weep?” When Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) got up (and went away), I asked her, “What did he confide to you?” She said, “I wouldn’t disclose the secrets of Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)” But when he died I asked her, “I beseech you earnestly by what right I have on you, to tell me (that secret talk which the Prophet had with you)” She said, “As you ask me now, yes, (I will tell you).”

She informed me, saying, “When he talked to me secretly the first time, he said that Gabriel used to review the Qur’an with him once every year. He added, ‘But this year he reviewed it with me twice, and therefore I think that my time of death has approached. So, be afraid of Allah, and be patient, for I am the best predecessor for you (in the Hereafter).’ “Fatima added, “So I wept as you (`Aisha) witnessed. And when the Prophet (ﷺ) saw me in this sorrowful state, he confided the second secret to me saying, ‘O Fatima! Will you not be pleased that you will be chief of all the believing women (or chief of the women of this nation i.e. my followers?”) (Sahih al-Bukhari) It is also at this point that he confided in her that she would be the next companion to die right after him, which is what made Fatima laugh from joy, knowing that she would join him soon enough.

On her death bed, Fatima shared some moments with her husband Ali and asked him to marry Umamah after her death, the daughter of her sister Zaynab to take care of her children. Fatima is said to have died in the month of Ramadhan, 6 months or less after the prophet’s death. She was just 29 years old and left behind 4 children; Hassan, Hussein, Zaynab and Umm Kulthum. According to some narrations, her fifth child Muhsin had died before her. All in all, Fatima was known for her purity, piety and chastity. Moreover she was known as being the Prophet’s big supporter and caretaker.

#Ahlul Bayt

“Many came to the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, asking whom he loved the most, including Ali (ra) and Fatima (ra). He had the most eloquent answer, while maintaining his character of honesty. Even though Fatima was very dear to him and his heart was very attached to her, he didn’t want to answer in a way that would hurt Ali, whom he loved as his own son. He looked at Ali and said, ‘She is more beloved to me than you, but you are more precious to me than her’, making them both very happy.”

‘A’isha reported that Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) went out one morning wearing a striped cloak of the black camel’s hair that there came Hasan b. ‘Ali. He wrapped him under it, then came Husain and he wrapped him under it along with the other one (Hasan). Then came Fatima and he took her under it, then came ‘Ali and he also took him under it and then said:

“Allah only desires to take away any uncleanliness from you, O people of the household, and purify you (thorough purifying).”

(Sahih Muslim 2424)

And indeed, Allah purified them and elevated their status.

May Allah grant us an opportunity to be with them in Jannah. Ameen.

***

Alhamdulilah this brings us to the end of our Ramadhan series, ‘The women of Jannah’, the four women who perfected their faith (May Allah be pleased with them). Thank you so much for joining me for the entire month and for taking your time to read. May Allah accept our fasts, our ibadah, our duas and our tawbah. Ameen. Taqabala Llahu minna wa minkum. Eid Mubarak my good people 🙂

SOURCES:

https://sunnah.com/

Women Around The Prophet ﷺ‎/Part 14/ Fatima Bint Muhammad, Daughter of Prophet ﷺ‎- Assim al hakeem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04w-IgujIYU

Role Model for Modesty (Fatima bint Muhammad) – Women of Paradise – Omar Suleiman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXi0xqfiBfk

Fatima Bint Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) ᴴᴰ ┇ Must Watch ┇ by Sheikh Dr. Tawfique Chowdhury : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG0VIR2dWSg

https://www.al-islam.org/enlightening-commentary-light-holy-quran-vol-19/surah-al-insan-chapter-76

To read the second part of this series, click on the following link: https://lubnah.me.ke/women-of-jannah-asiyah-bint-al-muzahim/

When we commonly say we want a marriage and companionship like that of the prophet peace be upon him and Khadija bint Khuwaylid, and write down #goals under any mention of them, do we really take time to reflect on the characters of these two very noble individuals?

#Noble Lineage

Khadija bint khuwaylid was a pure Quraishi and was born from a very noble and wealthy family. Her tribe was the Banu Assad and her father was the representative of the tribe. Khadija had 3 brothers and 1 sister; Awwam, Hizam, Nawfal and Hala.

Interestingly, Khadija peace be upon her had a link to the prophet’s lineage. He was, Muhammad Ibn Abdillah Ibn Abdul Mutwalib Ibn Hashim Ibn Abdi Manaf Ibn Qusay Ibn Kilab. And she was Khadija bint Khuwaylid Ibn Asad Ibn Abdil Uzza Ibn Qusay Ibn Kilab. Therefore their link was Qusay Ibn Kilab who was the prophet’s 5th ancestor and Khadija’s fourth ancestor.

Also, Khadija’s cousin Barra was the grandmother of the prophet i.e. mother of his mother (Amina bint Wahhab). Interesting right? The Arabs especially those days were known for marrying within their own tribes and as such, it is no surprise that there are such links between the prophet and Khadija may peace be upon them.

Khadija is said to have been previously married twice before her marriage to the prophet peace be upon him. One was Hind Ibn Nabbash (Abu Hala) and another was Atiq ibn A’idh Al Makhzoum (also a Quraishi). Both were successful businessmen and she got to inherit the wealth after their death. There is a bit of confusion on whether both died leaving Khadija a widow or she was once divorced. There is quite some information missing especially about Khadija because she lived during the early Makkah period and not much was recorded. It is said that she had two children; Hind and Hala from her previous marriages, yet there isn’t much recorded about them either in the seera of the prophet peace be upon him. The assumption is that they either died early on or were not around, Allahu a3lam.

#A Blessed Union

From the very beginning, these two were very special individuals. Khadija was nicknamed as al-Tahira (The Pure One), Ameerat-Quraysh (Princess of Quraish) and Khadījah al-Kubra (Khadija The Great) even BEFORE Islam while Muhammad may peace be upon him was called Assadiqul Ameen (The Truthful and Trustworthy). Both of them were known for their exemplary and excellent mannerisms within the community. She used to feed and clothe the poor, assist her relatives financially, and even provide for the marriage of those of her kin who could not otherwise afford.

Khadija was a very wealthy woman and a merchant. Many men had wanted to marry her, yet she rejected the proposals. She used to send caravans to Syria and Yemen. She would hire young men to do business transactions on her behalf for a certain percentage of the profits. At that time, the prophet had no particular job and was reported to have worked as a shepherd for Bani Sa’d and in Makkah for a wage. It is then that Abu Talib, the uncle of the prophet peace be upon him approached Khadija and suggested that she hires Muhammad to manage her caravan trade. Khadija then accepted and sent Muhammad to Syria with her servant, Maisarah.

When the prophet peace be upon him returned to Makkah, Khadijah noticed more profits than usual. She asked Maisarah concerning Muhammad and he praised him of good manners, honesty, faith and sincerity. This moved Khadija deeply and she spoke to her friend Nafisa about him, who thereafter approached the prophet and asked him what she thought about Khadija and marriage to her. The prophet accepted and discussed the matter with his uncles who then made a proposal to her uncle It is commonly said that at the time, Khadija was forty years old while the prophet was twenty five years old. However, in another narration, Khadija was just 28 years old, only 3 years older than the prophet peace be upon him.

Now within the 15 years of marriage between the Khadija and Muhammad peace be upon them, not even a single fight or argument is recorded between the two. In fact, their marriage was praised in the community and this was due to the impeccable personality of both husband and wife. Mind you, when the prophet married Khadija, he had nothing while she was one of the wealthiest people in Makkah. The prophet lived in HER house and she supported him financially and emotionally as well (as we’ll see in a bit). This is to remind us that it takes two to tango. When both husband and wife are of good character and strive for goodness, their marriage will succeed by the will of Allah. Of course it can never be perfect as theirs was, but we can always look up to them and learn from their outstanding behaviour and personalities.

#Emotional and psychological support

The start of divine inspiration was in the late 30’s of the prophet’s life. He used to have dreams which would become true the following day. He started going into seclusion in the cave of Hira where he would meditate, worship and contemplate the creation. He would carry with him food and go away for days on end. It is said that sometimes Khadija herself would go up to cave Hira to deliver food for him, which is really not an easy task especially considering if she indeed was 15 years older than the prophet. Khadija never stopped the prophet from taking these trips, nor did she question his behaviour or have doubts on him. She did not complain for his long time away, instead, she supported him whole-heartedly and even encouraged him on his spiritual journey. It is also said in other narrations that Khadija did sometimes join him at the cave and worshiped together. This is the utmost level of trust and loyalty any woman can have for her husband.

When Muhammad peace be upon him was about forty years old, the angel came to him while he was at cave Hira and asked him to read. The Prophet peace be upon him replied, “I do not know how to read.” The Prophet added, “The angel caught me (forcefully) and pressed me so hard that I could not bear it anymore. He then released me and again asked me to read and I replied, ‘I do not know how to read.’ Thereupon he caught me again and pressed me a second time till I could not bear it any more. He then released me and again asked me to read but again I replied, ‘I do not know how to read (or what shall I read)?’ Thereupon he caught me for the third time and pressed me, and then released me and said, ‘Read in the name of your Lord, who has created (all that exists), created man from a clot. Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous.” (96.1, 96.2, 96.3) Then the prophet returned with the Inspiration and with his heart beating severely.

Then he went to Khadija bint Khuwaylid and said, “Cover me! Cover me!” Khadija embraced Muhammad and covered him till his fear was over. Now the mind-blowing thing here (Sheikh Yasir Qadhi was discussing this so beautifully and in depth in his series; links are below) is that normally, walking down from a cave as from cave Hira to Khadija’s house, which is about two miles away, would be enough to make one calm down. However, the prophet was still cold and terrified and only calmed down while in the embrace of his wife. This is enough to show us how much support and love the prophet got from his wife.

After that he told her everything that had happened and said, “I fear that something may happen to me.” Khadija replied, “Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones.” See, she doesn’t question his sanity. She doesn’t panic. She doesn’t tell him you should stop going to cave Hira for worship, instead she affirms him and reassures him that Allah would never disgrace him. Khadija had so much faith in God even before pillars of Imaan came about. And this just shows us how pure this woman was and how much emotional maturity she had.

Even after having affirmed him, Khadija went on to take Muhammad peace be upon him to his learned cousin Waraqa bin Naufal bin Asad bin ‘Abdul ‘Uzza, who, during the pre-Islamic Period became a Christian and used to write the writing with Hebrew letters. He was an old man and had lost his eyesight. Khadija said to Waraqa, “Listen to the story of your nephew, O my cousin!” Waraqa asked, “O my nephew! What have you seen?” The prophet then described whatever he had seen. Waraqa said, “This is the same one who keeps the secrets (angel Gabriel) whom Allah had sent to Moses. I wish I were young and could live up to the time when your people would turn you out.” Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) asked, “Will they drive me out?” Waraqa replied in the affirmative and said, “Anyone (man) who came with something similar to what you have brought was treated with hostility; and if I should remain alive till the day when you will be turned out then I would support you strongly.” But after a few days Waraqa died and the Divine Inspiration was also paused for a while. (You can find this narration in sahih Bukhari)

#The First

Khadija was the first to embrace Islam. The first to perform Wudhu and pray. Yahya ibn `Afeef is quoted saying that he once came, during the period of Jahiliyyah (before the advent of Islam), to Mecca to be hosted by ‘Abbas ibn ‘Abd al-Muttalib, one of Muhammad’s uncles mentioned above. “When the sun started rising,” he said, “I saw a man who came out of a place not far from us, faced the Kaaba and started performing his prayers. He hardly started before being joined by a young boy who stood on his right side, then by a woman who stood behind them. When he bowed down, the young boy and the woman bowed, and when he stood up straight, they, too, did likewise. When he prostrated, they, too, prostrated.” He expressed his amazement at that, saying to Abbas: “This is quite strange, O Abbas!”. “Is it, really?” retorted al-Abbas. “Do you know who he is?”, Abbas asked his guest who answered in the negative. “He is Muhammad ibn Abdullah, my nephew. Do you know who the young boy is?” asked he again. “No, indeed,” answered the guest. “He is Ali son of Abu Talib. Do you know who the woman is?” The answer came again in the negative, to which Abbas said, “She is Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, my nephew’s wife.” This incident is included in the books of both Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Al-Tirmidhi, each detailing it in his own Ṣaḥīḥ.

It is for her loyalty and deep faith that she has an elevated status and received greetings from Allah and Jibril. No other woman/wife during the time of the prophet ever got such a special recognition.

Abu Huraira reported that Gabriel came to Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) and said: “Allah’s Messenger, lo. Khadija is coming to you with a vessel of seasoned food or drink. When she comes to you, offer her greetings from her Lord, the Exalted and Glorious, and on my behalf and give her glad tidings of a palace of jewels in Paradise wherein there is no noise and no toil.” This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Abu Huraira through another chain of transmitters with a slight variation of wording. (Sahih Muslim 2432)

In another narration by Ali bin Abi Talib, may peace be upon him, that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “The best of its women is Khadijah bint Khuwailid, and the best of its women is Mariam bint ‘Imran.”

#Loyalty till the last breath

Then came the time when the Quraish held a confederation hostile to Bani Hashim and Bani Al-Muttalib, all in an attempt to harm the prophet and the Muslims. They all took an oath not to have any business dealings with them nor any sort of inter-marriage, social relations, visits and even verbal contacts until the prophet was given up to them to be killed. This treaty was attached to the wall of Kaabah and thus the two tribes were boycotted. Banu Hashim and Banu Al Muttalib withdrew to a valley on the eastern outskirts of Makkah for a period of three years (7th year to 10th year of Prophet’s mission).It was such a deadly siege and food was very scarce. The Muslims faced great difficulties that they had to eat tree leaves and animal skins. They only survived by the will of Allah through the few non-muslims who still chose to be kind to them and send them food in secret. One of them is the nephew of Khadija, Hakim Ibn Hizam who would smuggle food to his aunt and was once found by Abu Jahl who tried to stop him as well. It was only when Al Bukhtari intervened, did Hakim manage to reach his destination. This was how tricky it was to even get someone to send them food. This was the hardest period for the two tribes and the Muslims.

After the three years, the boycott was dissolved and the two tribes returned to Makkah. During this entire period, Khadija stuck by the prophet and supported him with all that she had financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually. She was without a doubt, the prophet’s biggest support system.

A few months after their return to Makkah (after the boycott), Abu Talib passed away, then Khadija followed. It is believed that the effects of the boycott had affected her immensely and eventually led to her death. It is said the gap between the two deaths was either 3 days or 3 months as per the different narrations. The losses were extremely huge for the prophet and he experienced grief so much so, that year was called ‘The Year of Grief’. These two people were the most important in his life and their departure affected the prophet greatly. Khadija was 65 years old when she died and in the other narration, she was 53 years while the prophet was 50 years old.

#A wife worth all the love

‘A’isha (peace be upon her) reported: Never did I feel jealous of the wives of Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) but in case of Khadija, although I did no, (have the privilege to) see her. She further added that whenever Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) slaughtered a sheep, he said: Send it to the companions of Khadija I annoyed him one day and said: (It is) Khadija only who always prevails upon your mind. Thereupon Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: Her love had been nurtured in my heart by Allah Himself. (Sahih Muslim 2435 b) In another narration he would say: he would say, “Khadija was such-and-such, and from her I had children.”

Narrated ‘Aisha (peace be upon her) : Once Hala bint Khuwailid, Khadija’s sister, asked the permission of the Prophet (ﷺ) to enter. On that, the Prophet (ﷺ) remembered the way Khadija used to ask permission, and that upset him. He said, “O Allah! Hala!” So I became jealous and said, “What makes you remember an old woman amongst the old women of Quraish an old woman (with a teethless mouth) of red gums who died long ago, and in whose place Allah has given you somebody better than her?” (Sahih al-Bukhari) Then the prophet peace be upon him responded to her: “No, indeed; He has not compensated me with anyone better than her. She believed in me when all others disbelieved; she held me truthful when others called me a liar; she sheltered me when others abandoned me; she comforted me when others shunned me; and Allah granted me children by her while depriving me of children by other women.” After that Aisha said ‘I will never ever say something negative about Khadija’ and she never did.

Khadija may peace and blessings be upon her gave birth to 6 children: Al Qasim, Zainab, Ruqaiyah, Umm Kulthun, Fatimah and Abdullah (also called Taiyib and Tahir). All their sons died in their childhood and all the daughters apart from Fatimah, died during the lifetime of the prophet. All the daughters witnessed Islam, embraced it and emigrated to Madinah.

Once after the battle of Badr, Zaynab’s husband Abul ‘As bin Al Rabihadn’t yet accepted Islam and was one of the prisoners. Zaynab, the prophet’s daughter then sent some property to ransom her husband, one of which was a necklace of hers which Khadijah had before giving it to her when she married Abul ‘As. When the prophet saw the necklace he was really moved by Khadija’s memory and said to the sahabas: “If you consider that you should free her prisoner for her and return to her what belongs to her, (it will be well).” The prophet requested this to the sahaba because he didn’t want to seem like he was favouring his daughter. The sahaba said yes. The prophet made an agreement with Abul ‘As that he should let Zaynab come to him (in exchange for his release), and the Messenger of Allah sent Zayd ibn Harithah and a man of the Ansar and said: “Wait in the valley of Yajij till Zaynab passes you, then you should accompany her and bring her back.” (The narration can be found in Sunan Abi Dawud 2692). Abul ‘As did accept Islam eventually, several years later. He went to Madina after being separated from his wife that he still loved dearly, accepted Islam and resumed their marriage with Zaynab.

Khadija also had 8 grandchildren: From Fatima and Ali Bin Abi Talib: Hassan , Hussein, Muhsin, Umm Kulthum and Zaynab (named them after her sisters). From Zaynab and Abul ‘As: Umama and Ali. From Ruqayya and Uthman Ibn Affan: Abdullah. After death of Ruqayya, Uthman Ibn Affan married Umm Kulthum but had no children with her.

Khadija was the first wife of the prophet peace be upon him and he never married any other woman until after her death whereby he married Swadah bint Zam’ah.

There is definitely a lot we can learn from Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, especially on her role as the most supportive and loving wife. May Allah guide us and make us among His most beloved. Ameen.

Note: This is just my small effort in trying to research on this topic in the best of my ability. Kindly pardon me for any mistakes and don’t hesitate to correct me if anything. Stay tuned for the next part of this series on the 4 women of Jannah!

Sources:

Hadiths from https://sunnah.com/

The Superstars series by sheikh Omar Suleiman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKASMwUWV9c

Mothers of the Believers pt.3 | Khadija bint Khuwaylid (pt.1)| Sh. Dr. Yasir Qadhi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZZcZZGnS6M&t=420s

Mothers of the Believers pt.4 | Khadija bint Khuwaylid (pt.2)| Sh. Dr. Yasir Qadhi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRdYlrIwPT8

Mothers of the Believers pt.5 | Khadija bint Khuwaylid (pt.3)| Sh. Dr. Yasir Qadhi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXXL3HkX7N8

Islamic Guidance channel: Khadija Bint Al-Khuwaylid [RA]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2jVrAlv1x8

The Sealed Nectar by Safi-ur-Rahman Al-Mubarakpuri

To read the first part of this series, click on the following link: https://lubnah.me.ke/women-of-jannah-maryam-bint-imran/

Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Many amongst men attained perfection but amongst women none attained the perfection except Mary, the daughter of `Imran and Asiya, the wife of Pharaoh. And the superiority of `Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid (i.e. an Arabic dish) to other meals.” Sahih al-Bukhari 3769

So who was Asiyah bint Al Muzahim?

Not much is known about the origin of Asiyah but that she was from a rich family and was married off to Firau’n (Pharaoh) who was an oppressive tyrant and a very wealthy man. She was known to be very beautiful and very kind. Fir’aun declared himself a god, saying to his people, “I am your most exalted lord.” He was very powerful and the people feared him so much, they worshiped him. One night, Fira’un had a dream in which he saw a fire coming from Jerusalem, Palestine towards Egypt, burning every single house in Egypt except the Bani Israi’l houses. The Israelites at the time were subjugated by Firau’n and were being oppressed by him, making them slaves to the Egyptians. Thus when Firau’n saw this dream, he became concerned that there is more to it. He called onto fortune tellers and magicians to explain the meaning of the dream.

It is then that he was informed that, ‘There will be a male baby from Bani Israel who will be born very soon, in whose hands your end will come.’ Firau’n acted immediately and ordered his soldiers to raid the houses of the Israelites and kill any new male baby, and leave the female. It is believed that the killings would be done every alternative year. It was during this time that Nabii Musa was born.

Now the story of Asiyah is connected to two other magnificent women whom we can learn from too. The first one is the mother of Nabii Musa.

#The Promise of Allah

Like any other mother, Nabii Musa’s was terrified of having her son killed and thus Allah Subhanahu Wataala inspired her as stated in the Qur’an: “And We inspired to the mother of Moses, “Suckle him; but when you fear for him, cast him into the river and do not fear and do not grieve. Indeed, We will return him to you and will make him of the messengers.” (Qur’an 27:7)

Having no alternative but take the risk as guided by her Lord, Nabii Musa’s mother put her son in a little basket and cast him in the Nile river. She then asked her daughter to follow the basket and see where it will land. As per Allah’s perfect plan, the basket appeared near the palace of Firau’n where Asiyah and her maids were at. The basket was brought to Asiyah who immediately fell in love with the child. She went to Firau’n and pleaded with him: “[He will be] a comfort of the eye for me and for you. Do not kill him; perhaps he may benefit us, or we may adopt him as a son.” And they perceived not.”  (Qur’an 28:9) Allah says ‘And they perceived not’ to mean they were oblivious of what nabii Musa was to become. When Asiyah said this to Firau’n he said, “He is a delight and happiness for you. Not for me.”

Asiyah went ahead and kept Nabii Musa as her son, for she had none of her own. However, the little boy refused to be breastfed by any of the women who tried to. Desperate to feed him, Asiyah kept asking for any woman who could breastfeed to come forth. It is then that Nabii Musa’s sister overheard about the search and suggested to them their mother (Nabii Musa’s and hers), saying I know such a good woman who will definitely succeed in breastfeeding her.

At that time, Nabii Musa’s mother was filled with grief and sadness over her son. She wanted to reveal the secret concerning her son but Allah made her heart firm, until she was called to the palace to breastfeed the baby. And indeed, mother and son were reunited once again. Nabii Musa’s mother was taken good care of by Asiyah and was paid well in exchange of feeding her own son.

Allah says: “And We had prevented from him [all] wet nurses before, so she said, “Shall I direct you to a household that will be responsible for him for you while they are to him [for his upbringing] sincere?” So We restored him to his mother that she might be content and not grieve and that she would know that the promise of Allah is true. But most of the people do not know.” (Qur’an 28:12-13)

Allah subhanahu wataala makes many such promises to us in the Qur’an; of ease, of forgiveness, of reward, of Jannah, of His response to our pleas and cries, and this should give us comfort and tranquility because we know for sure: ‘Allah does not fail in His promise.’ (Qur’an 3:9) He will definitely, by His Mercy and Might, come through for us.

#The bravery of a woman

When Nabii Musa grew up and matured, he unintentionally killed a man. To save himself, he ran away to Madyan where he stayed for about ten years. As he was travelling with his family, Allah subhanahu wataala talked to him for the first time and he was given his mission which was to call Firau’n and his people to the religion of Allah. So Nabii Musa in the company of his brother Haroon aleyhim assalam, went back to Egypt and preached. But Firau’n was arrogant and he denied the message and even forbade his people to follow Musa and would kill anyone who did. The people who reverted to the religion of Nabii Musa did so secretly and very discreetly. Among them was Asiyah bint Al Muzahim and a mashitah (hairdresser) of one of Firau’n’s daughters (from one of Firau’n’s concubines). This was her story:

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:  The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “On the night on which I was taken on the Night Journey (Isra’), a beautiful fragrance came to me.  I said: O Jibreel, what is this beautiful fragrance? He said: This is the fragrance of the hairdresser of Pharaoh’s daughter and her children. I said: What is their story? He said: Whilst she was combing the hair of Pharaoh’s daughter one day, the iron comb fell from her hand and she said, ‘Bismillaah (in the name of Allaah).’ The daughter of Pharaoh said: ‘My father?’ She said: ‘No. My Lord and the Lord of your father is Allaah.’ She said: ‘I will tell him about that.’ She said: ‘Yes.’ So she told him and he summoned her and said: ‘O So and so, do you have a Lord other than me?’ She said: ‘Yes, my Lord and your Lord is Allaah.’ He ordered that a baqarah (lit. “cow”) made of copper be heated up, then he ordered that she and her children be thrown into it. She said: ‘I have a request to make of you.’ He said: ‘What is your request?’ She said: ‘I would like my bones and my children’s bones to be gathered together in one cloth and buried.’ He said: ‘This will be done for you.’ He ordered that her children be thrown into it in front of her, one by one, until they came to the last one who was an infant boy who was still being breastfed. It was as if she wavered because of him, but he said (the baby): ‘O mother, go ahead, for the punishment of this world is easier to bear than the punishment of the hereafter.’ So she went ahead.”

Side note: Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Four infants spoke: ‘Eesa ibn Maryam (peace be upon him), the companion of Jurayj, the witness of Yoosuf and the son of the hairdresser of Pharaoh’s daughter. (A story for another day)

Narrated by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad (1/309), al-Tabaraani (12280), Ibn Hibbaan (2903) and al-Haakim (2/496).

The hairdresser’s status was elevated in Jannah due to her bravery for Allah’s sake. Imagine watching your five children getting burnt, one by one, in a huge fire. All for the sake of Allah. Indeed, as Allah subhanahu wataala says, the patient will be given their reward without account. (Qur’an 39:10)

#Sacrifice for the sake of Allah

Asiyah aleyha ssalam, seeing the hairdresser being burnt alive with her children, was all the motivation she needed to come forth and declare her true faith to her husband, Fira’un. Upon hearing this, Fira’un told her, ‘Do you know what I’ll do to you?’ and she responded, ‘I do and I still stick to my faith.’ Fir’aun tried to persuade her first. She was his wife, how could she go against him? She was a royal, a queen who had everything and lacked nothing. However much he persuaded her, she refused to change her faith in Allah. Fira’un then started to torture her in all kind of cruel manner. Still, Asiyah was a firm believer.

She was beaten up, denied food and drink. Some narrations say, he hung her from the ceilings with chains from her breasts. As the torture went on, Asiyah looked up in the sky and said, ‘’O my Lord! Build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden, and save me from Pharaoh and his doings, and save me from those that do wrong’ (Qur’an 66: 11)

It is then that Allah opened up the sky and showed her palace in jannah and she smiled. Fir’aun was agitated. How could she be smiling at such a state? He then ordered her soldiers to go to the highest cliff, tie her under there and push off a boulder that would smash her body to pieces.

However, Allah saved her and took her soul before the boulder could hit her.

This was a queen, the wealthiest on the land. She could have gotten anything she wanted. Anything at all. But she gave up her palace and all that is within it in this world so that she can get a better one, next to Allah subhanahu wataala.

Allah Subhanahu Wataala says:

“And never think of those who have been killed in the cause of Allah as dead. Rather, they are alive with their Lord, receiving provision. Rejoicing in what Allah has bestowed upon them of His bounty, and they receive good tidings about those [to be martyred] after them who have not yet joined them – that there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve. They receive good tidings of favor from Allah and bounty and [of the fact] that Allah does not allow the reward of believers to be lost.” (Qur’an 3: 169-171)

Today let us ask ourselves, what are we sacrificing or doing for the sake of Allah to deserve Jannah?

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Note: This is just my small effort in trying to research on this topic in the best of my ability. Kindly pardon me for any mistakes and don’t hesitate to correct me if anything.

Thank you for reading. Till next week in shaa Allah for the third part of this special Ramadhan series 🙂 Kindly share and subscribe below. Sawm Maqbul good people and please make a short dua for me as you read this 🙂

Sources:

Qur’an Translation

The Superstars Series by Sheikh Omar Suleiman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0gkYZpYstc

Islamic Guidance: Asiyah Bint Al-Muzahim [RA]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9DFNXT7iBg

MASHITAH. The Story of the Hairdresser of Firaun’s Daughter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nk521wiAatI

The Story Of The Hairdresser Of Pharaoh’s Daughter | A Woman Of Jannah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Klp80O2E_4I

This article (the edited version) was first posted on the Standard Newspaper, Ramadhan insert on 1st May 2020.

Photo Courtesy: Ahmed Elmawi.

Ibn Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The best of women among the people of Paradise are Khadija bint Khuwaylid, Fatimah bint Muhammad, Maryam bint ‘Imran, and ‘Asiyah bint Muzahim, the wife of Pharaoh.” For our Ramadhan series in shaa Allah, we will discuss the stories of these four magnificent women. Today we start with the story of Maryam Aleyha ssalam. Bismillah.

#The Dua (The Prayer)

It all begins with one beautiful dua. One sincere supplication. One important pledge by a pious mother. Hannah, the wife of Imran and mother of Maryam,   made a special dua when she became pregnant.

“Mention, (O Muhammad), when the wife of Imran said, “My Lord indeed I have pledged to you what is in my womb, consecrated (for your service), so accept this from me. Indeed, you are the Hearing, the Knowing.” Then she goes on to say, “And I have named her Mary, and I seek refuge for her in You and (for) her descendants from Satan, the expelled (from the Mercy of Allah.)” (Qur’an; 3: 35-36)

This supplication was accepted by Allah Subhanahu Waatala and Maryam became the greatest woman of her generation. She was very devoted, very pious, very chaste; the noblest and purest of all women. And just as her mother had pledged, Maryam did become attached to the service of the Sacred House to worship Allah therein. Take note that the dua wasn’t just for Maryam. Hannah included her descendants in it, and thereafter Maryam’s son, Essa aleyhi ssalam became a prophet. This also shows the importance of choosing a pious spouse who will thereafter be a guiding light to the children.

It all began with a dua. Something we sometimes take so much for granted. It reminds us of the power of dua and its huge capacity to change fate. Allah Subhanahu Wataala says: “And your Lord says, “Call upon Me; I will respond to you.”” (Qur’an; 40: 60)

Common misconception is that Allah Subhanahu Wataala only responds to the pious. You might be thinking, ‘But I am not Hannah, the wife of Imran who was mentioned in the Qur’an, why would Allah respond to me?’ Yes, Allah will respond to you because you are His beloved and He loves you just as well. He will respond to you if only you take a moment to raise your hands and supplicate sincerely. Yes, He will respond because He says:

“And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.” (Qur’an; 2: 186)

Take note, Allah in the verse above says, ‘when my servant’, he does not say, ‘when the believer, the super pious, the prophet’ he says ‘I respond the invocation of the supplicant’, that means anyone. You, me, even the worst sinner on earth, Allah hears all our supplications and He will respond. He will respond.

#The Girl Child

After Hannah pledged to Allah that her child will be of His service, she eventually gave birth to a girl. She then said to Allah, and I quote from the Qur’an :

“But when she delivered her, she said, “My Lord, I have delivered a female.” And Allah was most knowing of what she delivered, and the male is not like the female…” (Qur’an; 3: 36)

Hannah goes ahead and shares her concern with her Lord, ‘she is a girl’. How will a girl be in service to a place of worship? How will a girl preach about the religion? The male is definitely not like the female. But Allah Subhanahu Wataala narrates to us, that HE KNEW that it was a girl. That was no accident. It wasn’t by mistake that she gave birth to a girl. Yet Allah knew that this same girl would be one of the greatest, most devoted person in His worship.

“And (mention) when the angels said, “O Mary, indeed Allah has chosen you and purified you and chosen you above the women of the worlds. O Mary, be devoutly obedient to your Lord and prostrate and bow with those who bow in prayer.” (Qur’an: 3:42-43)

You still think the girl child is under-valued and oppressed in Islam? Think again!

#Allah’s Rizq (Allah’s provision)

There is this common saying that goes like, ‘If human beings were responsible for our provision, then we’d definitely starve to death.’ Well luckily then, our Lord is the Giver and He is Most Merciful with His servants and we get to learn something through Maryam’s story.

“So her Lord accepted her with good acceptance and caused her to grow in a good manner and put her in the care of Zechariah. Every time Zechariah entered upon her in the prayer chamber, he found with her provision. He said, ‘O Mary, from where is this (coming) to you?’ She said, ‘It is from Allah. Indeed, Allah provides for whom He wills without account.” (Qur’an; 3:37)

Allah gives to whomever He wills. Some people get more than others, some get less than others and that is all part of Allah’s test and decree upon us. And when you have trust and faith in Allah, He always blesses you beyond what you expect.

“…And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect…” (Qur’an; 65: 2-3)

#Qadar of Allah (Decree of Allah)

“And mention, [O Muhammad], in the Book [the story of] Mary, when she withdrew from her family to a place toward the east. And she took, in seclusion from them, a screen. Then We sent to her Our Angel, and he represented himself to her as a well-proportioned man. She said, “Indeed, I seek refuge in the Most Merciful from you, [so leave me], if you should be fearing of Allah .” He said, “I am only the messenger of your Lord to give you [news of] a pure boy.” She said, “How can I have a boy while no man has touched me and I have not been unchaste?” He said, “Thus [it will be]; your Lord says, ‘It is easy for Me, and We will make him a sign to the people and a mercy from Us. And it is a matter [already] decreed.’ ” (Qur’an: 19: 16-21)

Indeed, it is a matter already decreed. A closed case. Imagine being in Maryam’s shoes; a woman known for her chastity and devoutness is suddenly pregnant. Imagine the despair, the agony and the great fear. This was a tragedy for her. Her chastity and purity was in question. Despite being so pious, Allah still put her through a huge test. That was Allah’s decree for her because He had better plans for her. He knew that she would give birth to a prophet who would speak at birth, do unconceivable miracles and call people to the religion of Allah. He knew that there was actually a greater good to come from it. So yes, Allah will always test us; whether we are the most pious or the biggest sinners. We will all feel the pinch of this worldly life, but it is not just for no reason. Allah knows why He gave you the struggle that you do. You might never realize it, but there’s always some good in it. Allah reminds us here why we are tested:

“Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried? But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.” (Qur’an; 29: 2-3)

Yet still he reminds us of His promise:

 “Verily, I have rewarded them this Day for their patience; they are indeed the ones that are successful” [Qur’an; 23:111] 

#Sorrow

We all face sorrow at some point in our lives. Some huger than others yet Allah does not burden us except that we can handle, so each is given as per their ability to persevere. So here was Maryam aleyha ssalam, pregnant yet unmarried. What does she do? She goes away to a remote place.

“So she conceived him, and she withdrew with him to a remote place. And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm tree. She said, “Oh, I wish I had died before this and was in oblivion, forgotten.” (Qur’an: 19: 22-23)

Here we come to the issue of mental health whereby we still somewhat regard it a taboo to talk about in our societies. Maryam aleyha ssalam was in so much pain and anguish, she wished for death. This brings one reality to light; however much we deny it, sometimes people do wish for death. Whether pious or not, it happens to the best among us. It doesn’t necessarily mean one has weak imaan (sometimes it is), sometimes, our human nature unintentionally takes over our faith and we fall into despair. Yet, grief and sadness is not something new. Prophet Ya’qoob aleyhi ssalam wept over the loss of his beloved Yusuf until he lost his eyesight. Prophet Muhammad was so saddened by the death of his wife Khadijah and his uncle Abu Talib that that year was called ‘the year of sorrow.’ And when his son Ibrahim died, ‘tears began to fall from the eyes of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). He said: The eye weeps and the heart grieves, but we say only what our Lord is pleased with, and we are grieved for you, Ibrahim.’ (As narrated by Anas Ibn Malik).

Indeed sadness is part of human nature, and does not necessarily make someone less pious for feeling sorrowful over what has befallen them. Yet still, we are always reminded to be patient and have faith in Allah’s decree.

Narrated Anas bin Malik:The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “None of you should wish for death because of a calamity befalling him; but if he has to wish for death, he should say: “O Allah! Keep me alive as long as life is better for me, and let me die if death is better for me.’ “

So whenever the pain of this life overpowers you, remember that we have a Most Merciful Lord over-watching you. Indeed, you have no better Protector. And when you are around a grieving person, be kind, empathic and compassionate. We all need support systems.

#Tawakkul (Reliance on Allah)

Despite being in great pain, angel Jibril asks Maryam to shake the palm tree so she can get the ripe dates.

“But he called her from below her, “Do not grieve; your Lord has provided beneath you a stream. And shake toward you the trunk of the palm tree; it will drop upon you ripe, fresh dates. So eat and drink and be contented…’” (Qur’an: 19: 24-26)

Remember at this point Maryam is in labour, how will she do that? Where will she get the strength from? But Allah still gave her ease in it.

“And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (Quran; 65:3)

#Parting Note

The story of Maryam and her son, Eesa aleyhim ssalam and the lessons from within are many. The above mentioned are but the very few. With all that is going on right now, having Ramadhan during a pandemic, is a very sad situation, yet we can still make the best use of this time for self-reflection, more ibadah (worship) and seeking more knowledge. For more details on Maryam’s story, you may read surat Maryam, some parts of Surat Imran and other Surahs in the Qur’an.

May Allah protect us during these trying times, may He grant us peace and tranquility, may He bless us, may He accept us repentance and our good deeds. Ameen. Stay safe wherever you are and Ramadhan Mubarak!

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Note: This is just my small effort in trying to research on this topic in the best of my ability. Kindly pardon me for any mistakes and don’t hesitate to correct me if anything.

To ensure that you don’t miss out on any of the parts of this series, kindly subscribe below, and please share the articles so that more people may benefit in shaa Allah 🙂

Sources:

The Qur’an Translation

The Superstars series by Sheikh Omar Suleiman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgJuK0OtRf8

Islamic Guidance channel: Maryam [AS]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20EbcIR6fr8

You may read part 4 at: https://lubnah.me.ke/100-hadiths-on-women-part-4/

E. MARRIAGE         كتاب النكاح  

1.Teasing co-wife with falsehood

Narrated Asma: Some lady said, “O Allah’s Messenger My husband has another wife, so it is sinful of me to claim that he has given me what he has not given me (in order to tease her)?” Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) said, The one who pretends that he has been given what he has not been given, is just like the (false) one who wears two garments of falsehood.” 

عَنْ أسْمَاَء، عَنِ النبِيِ  صلى الله عليه وسلم. حدَثنِي محَمَُّد بنُ اْلمُثنى، حََّدَثنا يحْيى، عنْ هِشا مٍ، حََّدَثتنِي فَاطِمَُة، عَنْ أسْمَاَء، أن اْمرَأة، قاَلتْ يا رَسوَل اَّلِلّ إَِّن لي ضَرًَّة، فهلْ عََلىَّ جُناحٌ إِْن تشَبَّعْتُ مِنْ زَوْجِي غَيرَ اَّلِذي يعْطِينِي فقاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ” اْلمُتَشَبِ عُ بِمَا  لمْ يعْطَ كلَابِسِ ثوَْبىْ زُورٍ “. Sahih al-Bukhari 5219 

 2. A woman whose husband is absent 

Fadala ibn ‘Ubayd reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Do not ask about three: a man who parts company with the community, rebels the ruler and dies while he is a still a rebel. Do not ask about him. Or a slave or slavegirl who runs away from his master. Or a woman whose husband is absent and who has sufficient provision and then displays her adornments to strangers and mixes freely. Do not ask about three: a man who contends with Allah regarding His cloak. His cloak is pride and His wrapper is His might. Also a man who doubts the command of Allah. and someone who despairs of Allah’s mercy.” 

 عَنْ فضَاَلَة بنِ عُبيد، عَنِ النبِيِ  صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَ ل: ثلَاَثٌة لَا يسْأل عَنه مْ: رَجُلٌ فَارَقَ اْلجمَاعََة وَعَصَى إَِماَمُه فمَاتَ عَاصِيا، فلَا تسْأل عنُْه، وَأََمٌة أَوْ عَبد أَبِقَ مِنْ سَي دهِ، وَاْمر أة غَابَ زَوْجها، وَكفاَها مؤُوَنة الُّدْنيا فتبرَّجَتْ وََتمَرَّجَتْ بعَْدُ ه. وََثلَاَثٌة لَا يسأَُل عَنه مْ: رَجُلٌ نازَعَ اَّلَلّ رَِداَءُه، فإَّن رَِداَءُه اْلكِبْرَِياُء، وَإزَارَُه عِزَُّه، وَرَجُلٌ شَكَّ فِي أمرِ الِله، وَالقُنُوطُ مِنْ رَحمَةِ  الِله. Grade : Sahih (Al-Albani)  

3. A man (even male in-laws) should not stay with a woman in seclusion 

Narrated `Uqba bin ‘Amir: Allah’s Messenger said, “Beware of entering upon the ladies.” A man from the Ansar said, “Allah’s Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?” The Prophetreplied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself.  

 عَنْ عُقبة بنِ عَامِرٍ، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل ” إَِّياكُ مْ وَالُّدخُوَل عََلى النِ ساِء “. فقَاَل رَجُلٌ مِنَ الَأْنصَارِ يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ أفَرَأيتَ اْلحمْ وَ. قاَل ” اْلحَموُ اْلمَوْتُ “. Sahih al-Bukhari 5232

  4. Describing another woman to her husband 

Narrated `Abdullah bin Mas`ud: The Prophet(ﷺ) said, “A woman should not look at or touch another woman to describe her to her husband in such a way as if he was actually looking at her.”  

 عَنْ عَبد اَّلِلّ بنِ مسْعُوٍد ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَاَل قَاَل النبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ” لَا تبَاشِرِ اْلمَرْأَُة اْلمَرْأة فتنعَتها لزَوْجها، كأنُه ينْظرُ إَِليَْها “. Sahih al-Bukhari 5240 

 5. Proposing to a decent man 

Narrated Thabit: that he heard Anas saying, “A woman came to the Prophet(ﷺ) offering herself to him in marriage, saying, “Have you got any interest in me (i.e. would you like to marry me?)” Anas’s daughter said, “How shameless that woman was!” On that Anas said, “She is better than you, for she presented herself to Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) ( for marriage). 

 حََّدَثنا مسََّدٌد، حََّدَثنا مرْحُومٌ، سَمِعْتُ ثابِتًا، أََّنه سَمِعَ أََنسًا ـ رضى الله عنه ـ يقوُل جَاَءتِ اْمرَأة إَِلى النبِيِ  صلى الله عليه وسلم تعْرِضُ عََليهِ نفسها فقاَلتْ هلْ لكَ حَاجٌَة فِيَّ فقاَلتِ اْبنته ما أقلَّ حيَاَءَها. فقاَل هِيَ خَيْرٌ مِنكِ، عَرَضَتْ عََلى رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم نفسََها. Sahih al-Bukhari 6123  

6.   Choice in marriage 

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: A virgin came to the Prophet(ﷺ) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet(ﷺ) allowed her to exercise her choice.   

عَنِ اْبنِ عَباسٍ، أن جَارَِيًة، بِكرًا أتتِ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فذكرَتْ أن أباَها زَوَّجها وَهِيَ كارَِهٌة فَخيرََها النبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم . Sahih (Al-Albani)  

7. Asking for divorce without a good reason 

Narrated Thawban: The Prophet(ﷺ) said: If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, the odour of Paradise will be forbidden to her.   

عَنْ ثوَْباَن، قاَل قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ” أيمَا اْمرَأةٍ سَألتْ زَوْجََها طلَاقًا فِي غيْرِ ما بأْسٍ  فحَرَامٌ عليَْها رَائِحة اْلجَنةِ  ” .Sahih (Al-Albani) SunanAbiDawud 2226 

8. Woman taking care of in-laws 

Narrated Jabir bin `Abdullah: My father died and left seven or nine girls and I married a matron. Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) said to me, “O Jabir! Have you married?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “A virgin or a matron?” I replied, “A matron.” he said, “Why not a virgin, so that you might play with her and she with you, and you might amuse her and she amuse you.” I said, ” `Abdullah (my father) died and left girls, and I dislike to marry a girl like them, so I married a lady (matron) so that she may look after them.” On that he said, “May Allah bless you,” or “That is good.”   

عَنْ جَابِرِ بنِ عَبد اَّلِلّ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ قاَل هَلكَ أَبِي وََترَكَ سَبعَ بناتٍ أوْ تِسْعَ بنَاتٍ ف تَزَوَّجتُ اْمرَأًَة ثيِ با فقاَل لي رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ” تزَوَّجْتَ يا جَابِرُ “. فقلتُ نعَ مْ. فقاَل ” بِكْرًا أَمْ ثيِ با “. قُْلتُ بلْ ثي با. قاَل ” فهلَّا جَارَِيًة تلَاعِبَُها وَُتلاعِبكَ،  وَُتضَاحكها وَُتضَاحككَ “. قاَل فقُْلتُ لُه إَِّن عبَْد اَّلِلّ هَلكَ وََترَكَ بناتٍ، وَإِ نِي كرِْهتُ أن أجِيئَُهنَّ بِمِثْلِهِنَّ، فَتزَوَّجْتُ اْمرَأة تقومُ عََليهِنَّ وَُتصْلِحُُهنَّ . فقَاَل ” بارَكَ اَّلُلّ لكَ “.  أَوْ قاَل خَيرًا. Sahih al-Bukhari 5367  

9. If a man does not provide for his family

Narrated `Aisha: Hind (bint `Utba) said to the Prophet(ﷺ) ” Abu Sufyan is a miserly man and I need to take some money of his wealth.” The Prophet(ﷺ) said, “Take reasonably what is sufficient for you and your children ”  

، عَنْ عَائِشََة ـ رضى الله عنها ـ أن هِنَْد، قاَلتْ للنبِيِ  صلى الله عليه وسلم إَِّن أبا سُفيَاَن رَجلٌ شحِيحٌ، فَأَحْتاجُ أَْن آخَُذ مِنْ ماِلهِ . قاَل  ” خُِذي ما يكْفِيكِ  ووََلدكِ بِاْلمَعْرُوفِ “. Sahih al-Bukhari 7180  

10. Asking permission for marriage

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas that the Messenger of Allah said: “A previously married woman has more right to decide about herself (with regard to marriage) than her guardian, and a virgin should be asked for permission with regard to marriage, and her permission is her silence.” 

 عَنِ اْبنِ عَباسٍ، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل  ” الَأ يِمُ أحَقُّ بِنفسَِها مِنْ وَِلي ها وَاْلبِكْرُ تسْتَأْذ ن فِي نفسَِها وَإِذُْنَها صُمَاُتَها ” .  Sahih (Darussalam)   Sunan an-Nasa’i 3260  

11. Taking good care of daughters 

Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported:  The Messenger of Allah said, “He who is involved (in the responsibility) of (bringing up) daughters, and he is benevolent towards them, they would become protection for him against Hell-fire”.

 “من ابتلي من هذه البنات بشيء فأحسن إليهن كن له سترًا من النار” ))متفق عليه((. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].  

12. Voicing injustice on women when against the teachings of Islam. 

It was narrated from Ibn Buraidah that: his father said: “A girl came to the Prophet and said: ‘My father married me to his brother’s son so that he might raise his status thereby.’ The Prophet gave her the choice, and she said: ‘I approve of what my father did, but I wanted women to know that their fathers have no right to do that.’ ”  

 عَنِ اْبنِ برَْيَدَة، عَنْ أبِيهِ، قاَل جاَءتْ فتَاٌة إلى النَّبِيِ  ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ فقاَلتْ إَِّن أَبِي زَوَّجَنِي اْبنَ أخيهِ ليرْفعَ بِي خَسِيسَته . قاَل فَجعَلَ الَأْمرَ إَِليها . فَقاَلتْ قد أجَزْتُ ما صَنَعَ أبِي وََلكِنْ أَرَْدتُ أَْن تعلمَ النِ سَاُء أن ليسَ إَِلى الآَباِء مِنَ الَأْمرِ شىء . Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan Ibn Majah 1874  

13. The working of a lady in her husband’s house 

Narrated `Ali: Fatima went to the Prophet (ﷺ)complaining about the bad effect of the stone hand-mill on her hand. She heard that the Prophet (ﷺ)had received a few slave girls. But (when she came there) she did not find him, so she mentioned her problem to `Aisha. When the Prophet (ﷺ))came, `Aisha informed him about that. `Ali added, “So the Prophet ( )ﷺcame to us when we had gone to bed. We wanted to get up (on his arrival) but he said, ‘Stay where you are.” Then he came and sat between me and her and I felt the coldness of his feet on my `Abdomen. He said, “Shall I direct you to something better than what you have requested? When you go to bed say ‘Subhan Allah’ thirtythree times, ‘Al hamduli l-lah’ thirty three times, and Allahu Akbar’ thirty four times, for that is better for you than a servant.” 

 حََّدَثنا عَلِيٌّ، أن فاطِمة ـ عََليهِمَا السلَامُ ـ أََتتِ النبيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم تشْكو إليهِ ما تْلقى فِي يدَها مِنَ الرَّحَى، وََبَلغََها أنُه جَاَءه رَقِيقٌ فلمْ تصاِدفه، فََذكرتْ ذَِلكَ لعَائِشََة، فلمَّا جَاَء أخْبرَْتُه عائِشَُة ـ قَ اَل ـ فَجَاَءَنا وَقد أخَْذنا مضَاجعَنا، فََذهبْنَا نقومُ فَقَاَل ” عََلى مكانِكمَا “. فجَاَء فقَعََد بيْنِي وََبيْنََها حتى وَجدتُ برد قدَميهِ عََلى بطْني فقَاَل ” ألَا أدُّلكُما عََلى خيرٍ مِمَّا سَألتمَا، إِ ذَا أخَْذتما مضَاجِعَكُمَا ـ أوْ أَوَْيتما إَِلى فِرَاشِكمَا ـ فسَبِ حَا ثلَاًثا وََثلَاثِينَ، وَاحمََدا ثلاثا وََثلَاثِينَ، وَكبِ رَا أرَْبعًا وثلَاثِينَ، فهوَ خيْرٌ لكما منْ خَاِدمٍ “.  Sahih al-Bukhari 5361  

14. Supporting your dependants. 

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)said, “The best alms is that which you give when you are rich, and you should start first to support your dependants.”  

عَن أبِي هرَْيرََة،أ  ن رَسُول اَّ للّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل   ” خَيرُال صََّدق ةِ ماكان عَن ظَْهرِ  غِنًى، وَاْبَدأْ  بِمن تعُوُ ل  .”Sahih al-Bukhari 5356  

15. To provide one’s family with food sufficient  in advance

Narrated `Umar: The Prophet (ﷺ)used to sell the dates of the garden of Bani An-Nadir and store for his family so much food as would cover their needs for a whole year.  

عَنْ عُمَرَـ رض ىالله عنه ـ أ ن النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم كَاَن يبِيعُ نخْلَ بنِي النضِيرِ،وََيحبِسُ لَأْهلِهِ قُوتَ سَنتِهِمْ . Sahih al-Bukhari 5357 

16. Lying about the father of your child  

“Then the Verse of Li’an was revealed, the Messenger of Allah ()ﷺ   said: ‘Any woman who attributed her child to people to whom he does not belong, then she has no relation to (the religion of) Allah, and she will never enter Paradise, and any man who rejects his child, while he recognizes him, Allah will screen Himself from him on the Day of Resurrection and disgrace him before the witnesses.’”  

 عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل لمَّا نزََلتْ آَيُة ال لِ عَانِ قَاَل رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ” أَُّيمَا اْمرَأَةٍ أَْلحَقَتْ بِقَوْمٍ منْ ليسَ مِنهمْ فليسَتْ مِنَ اَّلِلّ فِي شىٍْء وََلنْ يْدخَِلها جَنته وَأيمَا رَجُلٍ أنكرَ وََلَدُه وَقَْد عرَفه احْتجَبَ اَّلُلّ مِنه  يوْمَ اْلقِياَمةِ وَفضحه على رُُءوسِ الَأشَْهاِد ” . Grade: Hasan (Darussalam)  

17. Regarding dowry

It was narrated that: Abu Ajfa As-Sulami said: “Umar bin Khattab said: ‘Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honor and dignity in this world or a sign of Taqwa before Allah, then Muhammad ()ﷺ   would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives and none of his daughters were given more than twelve uqiyyah. A man may increase dowry until he feels resentment against her and says: “You cost me everything I own,” or, “You caused me a great deal of hardship.”’” (Hassan) – uqiyyah is 40 dirham, total 480 dirham 

 عَنْ أبِي اْلعَجْفاِء السَُّلمِيِ ، قاَل قَاَل عمَرُ بنُ اْلخَطَّابِ لَا تغَاُلوا صََداقَ النِ سَاِء فإَّنَها لوْ كاَنتْ مكْرَُمة فِي الُّدْنيا أوْ تقوًى عِند اَّلِلّ كَاَن أوْلَاكُمْ وَأحقكُمْ بَِها محَمٌَّد ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ ما أَصدقَ اْمرَأًَة مِنْ نِسَائِهِ وَلَا أصِْدقَتِ اْمرَأة مِنْ بنَاتِهِ أكْثَرَ مِنِ اْثنتىْ عَشْرََة أوقِية وَإَِّن الرَّجُلَ ليثقِ لُ صدقة اْمرَأَتِهِ حَتى يكُوَن لَها عََداوٌَة فِي نفسِهِ وََيقُوُل قد كَلِفتُ إَِليكِ عََلقَ اْلقِرَْبةِ أوْ عَرَقَ اْلقِرَْبةِ . وَكنْتُ رَجلًا عرَبِيًّا موََّلدا ما أدرِي ما عََلقُ اْلقِرَْبةِ أوْ عَرَقُ اْلقِرَْبةِ . Grade: Sahih (Darussalam)  

18.   Causing another woman’s divorce

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger ()ﷺ   forbade the selling of things by a town dweller on behalf of a desert dweller; and similarly Najsh was forbidden. And one should not urge somebody to return the goods to the seller so as to sell him his own goods; nor should one demand the hand of a girl who has already been engaged to someone else; and a woman should not try to cause some other woman to be divorced in order to take her place. Sahih al-Bukhari 2140  

عَنْ أَبِي هرَْيرََة ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قاَل نَهى رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أ ن يبِيعَ حَاضِرٌ لبَاٍد، وَلَا تنَاجَشُوا، وَلَا يبِيعُ الرَّجُلُ عََلى بيْعِ أَخِيهِ وَلَا يخْطُبُ عََلى خطْبةِ أخيهِ، وَلَا تسْأل اْلمَرْأَُة طلَاقَ أختَِها لتكفَأَ ما فِي إَِنائَِها

19.   Woman, a guardian of the house and children

Narrated `Abdullah: Allah’s Messenger ()ﷺ   said, “Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and is responsible for them, a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them; a slave (‘Abu ) is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges.” Sahih al-Bukhari 2554 

 عَنْ عَبد اَّلِلّ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أن رَسوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قاَل   كلكُمْ رَاعٍ فمَسْئوٌل عنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، فالأمِيرُ اَّلذي عََلى الناسِ رَاعٍ وَْهوَ مسْئوٌل عنُْهمْ، وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عََلى أهلِ بيتِهِ وَْهوَ  مسْئُوٌل عَنهمْ، وَاْلمَرْأَُة رَاعِية عََلى بيتِ بعْلَِها وَوََلِدهِ وَْهىَ مسْئُوَلٌة عنُْهمْ، وَاْلعَبد رَاعٍ عََلى مالِ سَي دهِ وَْهوَ مسْئوٌل عَنُْه، ألَا فكُُّلكمْ رَاعٍ وَكُُّلكمْ مسْئوٌل عَنْ رَعِيتِهِ .   

20. Being in eddah 

It was narrated that Umm ‘Atiyyah said: “The Messenger of Allah said: ‘No woman should mourn for anyone who dies for more than three days, except for a husband, for whom she should mourn for four months and ten days. She should not wear garments that are dyed or patterned, or put on kohl or comb her hair, and she should not put on any perfume except when purifying herself after her period, when she may use a little of Qust or Azfar.'” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3534 

عَنْ أمِ  عَطِية، قاَلتْ قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم : لَا تحد اْمرَأة عََلى مي تٍ فوْقَ ثلَاثٍ إِلَّا على زَوْجٍ فَِإَّنَها تحد عََليهِ أرَْبعََة أشُْهرٍ وَعشرًا وَلَا تْلبَسُ ثوًْبا مصْبوغًا وَلَا ثوْبَ عَصْبٍ وَلَا تكتحلُ وَلَا تمْتَشِطُ وَلَا تمسُّ طِيبا إِلَّا عِند طُْه رَِها حينَ تطُْهرُ نبًَذا مِنْ قُسطٍ وَأَظْفَارٍ   .   

21. Prohibition of Mut’ah (Temporary marriage) 

Sabra al-Juhani reported on the authority of his father that while he was with Allah’s Messenger ()ﷺ   he said: O people, I had permitted you to contract temporary marriage with women, but Allah has forbidden it (now) until the Day of Resurrection. So he who has any (woman with this type of marriage contract) he should let her off, and do not take back anything you have given to them (as dower).   Sahih Muslim 1406 d

حََّدَثنِي الرَّبِيعُ بنُ سَبرََة اْلجَُهنِيُّ، أََّن أََباُه، حََّدَثه أََّنُه، كاَن معَ رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقاَل  يا أَُّيَها الناسُ إِ نِي قد كنتُ أذْنتُ لكُمْ فِي الِاستِمتاعِ مِنَ النِ سَاِء وَإَِّن اَّلَلّ قد ح رَّمَ ذَِلكَ إَِلى يوْمِ اْلقِيَاَمةِ فَمنْ كَاَن عِندُه مِنهنَّ شَىء فليخَلِ  سَبِيَله وَلَا تأخذوا مِما آَتيتمُوُهنَّ شَيْئا”  .   

22. Consultation and permission before marriage 

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger ()ﷺ   as having said: A woman without a husband (or divorced or a widow) must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married until her permission is sought. They asked the Prophet of Allah ()ﷺ  : How her (virgin’s) consent can be solicited? He (the Holy Prophet) said: That she keeps silence. Sahih Muslim 1419 a  

حََّدثنا أبو هرَْيرََة، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل  لَا تنكحُ الَأ يِمُ حَتى تسْتأمرَ وَلَا تنْكَحُ اْلبِكرُ حَتَّى تسْتأذََ ن ” . قَاُلوا يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ وَكَيْفَ إِذُْنَها قَاَل ” أَْن تسْكتَ ” 

 23. Permission to do your day to day activities while on eddah

Jabir b. ‘Abdullah (Allah be pleased with them) reported: My maternal aunt was divorced, and she intended to pluck her dates. A person scolded her for having come out (during the period of ‘Idda). She came to Allah’s Prophet ( .)ﷺand he said: Certainly you can pluck (dates) from your palm trees, for perhaps you may give charity or do an act of kindness. Sahih Muslim 1483  

جَابِرَ بنَ عَبد اَّلِلّ، يقوُل طُ لِقتْ خَاَلتِي فَأَرَاَدتْ أَْن تجَُّد نخَْلَها فزَجَرََها رَجُلٌ أن تخْرُجَ فَأََتتِ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقاَل  بَلى فجُ دي نخَْلكِ فإَّنكِ عسى أَْن تصََّدقِي أوْ تفعَلِي معْرُوفا ”  

24. Observing eddah  

Umm ‘Atiyya (‘Allah be pleased with her) said: We were forbidden to observe mourning for the dead beyond three days except in the case of husband (where it is permissible) for four months and ten days, and (that during this period) we should neither use collyrium nor touch perfume, nor wear dyed clothes, but concession was given to a woman when one of us was purified of our courses to make use of a little incense or scent. Sahih Muslim 938 e 

 عَنْ أمِ  عَطِيََّة، قاَلتْ كنا ننهى أَْن نحَِّد على ميِ تٍ فَوْقَ ثلَاثٍ إِلَّا عََلى زَوْجٍ أرَْب عََة أشُْهرٍ وَعشرًا وَلَا نكْتَحلُ وَلَا نتَطَيبُ وَلَا نْلبسُ ثوًْبا مصْبوغًا وَقَْد رُخِ صَ لْلمَرْأَةِ فِي طُْهرَِها إِذَا اغْتسََلتْ إِحَْداَنا مِنْ محِيضَِها فِي نبذةٍ مِنْ قُسطٍ وَأظْفارٍ .   

25. Being married is better than being divorced

It was narrated that ‘Aishah said: “This Verse ‘And making peace is better.’ Was revealed concerning a man who had been married to a woman for a long time, and she had given birth to his children and he wanted to exchange her (for a new wife). She agreed that he would stay with her (the new wife) and would not give her (the first wife) a share of his time. (i.e.) not spend the nights with her).” Sahih (Darussalam) Arabic : Book 9, Hadith 2050 Sunan Ibn Majah 

عَنْ عَائِشََة، . أنَها قاَل تْ نزََلتْ هذهِ الآَيُة   }وَالصُّْلحُ خَيْرٌ{ فِي رَجُلٍ كاَنتْ تحْته اْمرَأٌَة قد طاَلتْ صحْبتها وَولَدتْ مِنه أوْلَاًدا فأرَاَد أن يستَبِْدَل بَِها فرَاضَته عََلى أن تقِيمَ عِندُه وَلَا يقسِمَ لَها .  

26.   Waking up your spouse for prayer  

It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: “The Messenger of Allah ()ﷺ   said: ‘May Allah (SWT) have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes his wife and she prays, and if she refuses he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah (SWT) have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, then she wakes her husband and prays, and if he refuses she sprinkles water in his face.’” Hasan Sunan an-Nasa’i 1610  

عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قاَ ل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم : رَحِمَ اَّلُلّ رَجُلًا قامَ مِنَ الَّليلِ فَصلى ثمَّ أَْيقَظَ اْمرَأََتُه فَصََّلتْ فإْن أبتْ نضَحَ فِي وَجْهَِها اْلمَاَء وَرَحِمَ اَّلُلّ اْمرَأًَة قَاَمتْ مِنَ الَّليلِ فصََّلتْ ثمَّ أيقظَتْ زَوْ جََها فصلى فَِإن أََبى نضَحَتْ فِي وَجْهِهِ اْلمَاَء ”  

27. Permission to look at a woman while proposing 

It was narrated that Al-Mughirah bin Shu’bah said: “I proposed marriage to a woman during the time of the Messenger of Allah, and the Prophet said: ‘Have you seen her?’ I said: ‘No.’ He said: ‘Look at her, for that is more likely to create love between you.’” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3235 

عَنِ اْلمُغِيرَةِ بنِ شُعْبة، قاَل خَطَبْتُ اْمرَأًَة على عَْهِد رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقَاَل النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  أنظَرْتَ إَِليها ” . قلتُ لَا . قاَل ” فَاْنظُرْ إَِليها فإَّنُه أجَْدرُ أن يؤَْدمَ بيْنَكُمَا ” .  

28. A disbeliever should not marry Muslim

It was narrated that Anas said: “Abu Talhah proposed marriage to Umm Sulaim and she said: ‘By Allah, a man like you is not to be rejected, O Abu Talhah, but you are a disbeliever and I am a Muslim, and it is not permissible for me to marry you. If you become Muslim, that will be my dowry, and I will not ask you for anything else.’ So he became Muslim and that was her dowry.” (one of the narrators) Thabit said: “I have never heard of a woman whose dowry was more precious than Umm Sulaim (whose dowry was) Islam. And he consummated the marriage with her, and she bore him a child.” Hasan (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3341   

عَنْ أنسٍ، قاَل خَطَبَ أبو طَْلحََة أمَّ سليْمٍ فقاَلتْ وَاَّلِلّ ما مِثُْلكَ يا أبا طَْلحََة يرَُّد وََلكِنكَ رَجلٌ كَافِرٌ وَأََنا اْمرَأة مسْلِمٌَة وَلَا يحلُّ لي أن أتزَوَّجكَ فَِإْن تسْلِمْ فََذاكَ مهرِي وََما أسْألكَ غَيرَُه . فأسَْلمَ فَكَاَن ذَِلكَ مْهرََها – قَاَل ثابِتٌ فمَا سَمِعْ تُ بِاْمرَأةٍ قطُّ كاَنتْ أكْرَمَ مْهرًا مِنْ أُمِ  سَُليمٍ الإسْلَامَ – فََدخَلَ بَِها فوََلَدتْ لُه .  

29.   Husband dying before consummating the marriage  

It was narrated from ‘Abdullah that a woman was brought to him who had married a man then he had died without naming any dowry for her and without consummating the marriage with her. They kept coming to him for nearly a month, and he did not issue any ruling to them. Then he said: “I think that she should have a dowry like that of her peers no less, with no injustice and she may inherit from him and she has to observe the ‘Iddah.” Ma’qil bin Sinan Al-Ashja’i testified: “The Messenger of Allah passed a similar judgment concerning Birwa’ bint Washiq.” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3355 

 عَنْ عَبد اَّلِلّ، أََّنُه أتِيَ فِي اْمرَأَةٍ تزَوَّجها رَجلٌ فَماتَ عَنَْها وََلمْ يفرِضْ لَها صََداقا وََلمْ يْدخلْ بَِها فَاخْتلفُوا إَِليْهِ قرِيبا مِنْ شَْهرٍ لَا يفتِيهِمْ ثمَّ قاَل أَرَى لها صََداقَ نِسَائَِها لَا وَكسَ وَلَا  شطَطَ وََلَها اْلمِيرَاثُ وَعََليها اْلعَِّدُة . فشَهَِد معْقِلُ بنُ سِنانٍ الَأشجعِيُّ أََّن رَسوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قضَى فِي بِرْوَعَ بِنْتِ وَاشِقٍ بِمِثلِ ما قَضَيتَ  .  

30.   Provision for wife before the final divorce

Fatimah bint Qais said: “I came to the Prophet and said: ‘I am the daughter of Ali Khalid and my husband, so and so, sent word to me divorcing me. I asked his family for provision and shelter but they refused.’ They said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, he sent word to her divorcing her thrice.’” She said: “The Messenger of Allah said: ‘The woman is still entitled to provision and shelter if the husband can still take her back.’” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3403   

حََّدثتنِي فاطِمَُة بِنتُ قيسٍ، قاَلتْ أتيْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقلتُ أنا بِنتُ آلِ خاِلٍد وَإَِّن زَوْجي فُلانا أَرْسَلَ إَِلىَّ بِطَلَاقِي وَإِ نِي سَألتُ أَْهله النَّفقة وَالسُّكنى فَأََبوْا عََلىَّ . قاُلوا يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ إَِّنُه قد أَرْسَلَ إَِليها بِث لَاثِ تطْلِيقَاتٍ . قاَلتْ فقاَل رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  :”إَِّنمَا النفقة وَالسكْنَى لْلمَرْأَةِ إذا كَاَن لزَوْجها عََليها الرَّجْعَُة ”  

31.   Regarding child custody 

It was narrated that Abu Maimunah said: “While I was with Abu Hurairah he said: ‘A woman came to the Messenger of Allah and said: May my father and mother be ransomed for you! My husband wants to take my son away, but he helps me, and brings me water from the well of Abu ‘Inabah. Her husband came and said: Who is going to take my son from me? The Messenger of Allah said: “O boy, this is your father and this is your mother; take the hand of whichever of them you want.” He took his mother’s hand and she left with him.’” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3496  

عَنْ  أبِي ميمُوَنَة، قاَل بينا أنا عِنَْد أَبِي هرَْيرََة، فَقَاَل إَِّن اْمرَأة جَاَءتْ رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَاَلتْ فداكَ أبِي وَأ مِي إَِّن زَوْجي يرِيُد أن يْذهبَ بِاْبنِي وَقد نفعَنِي وَسَقانِي مِنْ بِئْرِ أَبِي عِنَبََة . فَجَاَء زَوْجَُها وَقاَل منْ يخَاصِمُنِي فِي اْبنِي فقَاَل  يا غُلامُ هَذا أبوكَ وََهذهِ أمكَ فخُْذ بِيد أَ يِهِمَا شِئْتَ ” فَأَخََذ بِيَِد أ مِهِ فَاْنطََلقتْ بِه  

32.   Wife giving birth few days after the husband’s death

Abu Salamah bin ‘Abdur-Rahman said: “It was said to Ibn ‘Abbas concerning a woman who gives birth one day after her husband died: ‘Can she get married?’ He said: ‘No, not until the longer of the two periods has ended.’ He said: ‘Allah says: And for those who are pregnant (whether they are divorced or their husbands are dead), their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is until they lay down their burden.’ He said: ‘That only applies in the case of divorce.’ Abu Hurairah said: ‘I agree with my brother’s son’ –meaning, Abu Salamah. He sent his slave Kuraib and told him: ‘Go to Umm Salamah and ask her: Was this the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah?’ He came back and said: ‘Yes, Subai’ah Al-Aslamiyyah gave birth twenty days after her husband died, and the Messenger of Allah told her to get married, and Abu As-Sanabil was one of those who proposed marriage to her.’” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3511   

قِيلَ لِاْبنِ عَباسٍ فِي اْمرَأةٍ وَضَعَتْ بعَْد وَفَاةِ زَوْجها بِعِشْرِينَ ليلة أيصُْلحُ لَها أن ت زوَّجَ قَاَل لَا إِلَّا آخرَ الَأجََلينِ . قاَل قلتُ قاَل اَّلُلّ تبارَكَ وََتعَاَلى } وَأُولاتُ الَأحْمَالِ أجَُلهنَّ أن يضَعْنَ حَمَْلهنَّ { فقَاَل إَِّنمَا ذلكَ فِي الطَّلَاقِ . فقاَل أبو هرَْيرََة أنا معَ اْبنِ أَخِي . يعْنِي أََبا سََلمََة . فأرْسَلَ غُلَاَمُه كرَْيبًا فقاَل اْئتِ أُمَّ سََلمة فَسَْلَها هلْ كاَن هذا سُنة مِنْ رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فجَاَء فقاَل قاَلتْ نعَمْ سُبيْعَُة الَأسلمِيَُّة وَضَعَتْ بعَْد وَفاةِ زَوْجها بِعِشْرِينَ ليلة فَأََمرََها رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أن تزَوَّجَ فكاَن أبو السنَابِلِ فِيمنْ يخْطُبها  

33. Inciting a woman against her husband

Narrated Abu Hurayrah: The Prophet ()ﷺ   said: Anyone who incites a woman against her husband or a slave against his master is not one of us. Sahih (Al-Albani) Sunan Abi Dawud 2175  

 عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قاَل  رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ليْسَ مِنا منْ خَببَ اْمرَأة عََلى زَوْجَِها أَوْ عبًْدا عََلى سيِِ دهِ ”  

34. Child custody before the mother gets married again 

Amr b. Shu’aib on his father’s authority said that his grandfather (Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-‘As) reported: A woman said: Messenger of Allah, my womb is a vessel to this son of mine, my breasts, a waterskin for him, and my lap a guard for him, yet his father has divorced me, and wants to take him away from me. The Messenger of Allah ()ﷺ   said: You have more right to him as long as you do not marry. Hasan (Al-Albani) Sunan Abi Dawud 2276  

 أََّن اْمرَأة، قاَلتْ يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ إَِّن اْبنِي هذا كَاَن بطْنِي لُه وِعَاًء وََثْديِي لُه سِقاًء وَحِجرِي لُه حِوَاًء وَإن أََباُه طََّلقنِي وَأرَاَد أن ينتزِعَُه مِنِ ي فقَاَل لَها رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم : أنتِ أَحقُّ بِهِ ما لمْ تنكِحي ”  

35.   Marrying without the permission of her Walii

Aishah narrated that: The Messenger of Allah said: “Whichever woman married without the permission of her Wali her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If he entered into her, then the Mahr is for her in lieu of what he enjoyed from her private part. If they disagree, then the Sultan is the Wali for one who has no Wali.” Hasan (Darussalam) Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1102   

عَنْ عَائِشََة، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قاَل  أَُّيمَا اْمرَأةٍ نكِحَتْ بِغَيرِ إِذْنِ وَِليَِ ها فنِكَاحها باطِلٌ فَنكَاحَُها باطِلٌ فنِكاحَُها باطِلٌ فَِإْن دخَلَ بَِها فََلَها اْلمَْهرُ بِمَا اسْتحَلَّ مِنْ فرْجها فإنِ اشتَجرُوا فَالسُّْلطَاُن وَِليُّ منْ لَا وَِليَّ لُه ”      

36.  Rights of a woman over her husband 

It was narrated from Hakim bin Muawiyah, from his father, that: A man asked the Prophet ()ﷺ  “What are the right of the woman over her husband?” He said: “That he should feed her as he feeds himself and clothe her as he clothes himself; he should not strike her on the face nor disfigure her, and he should not abandon her except in the house (as a form of discipline).”  (Hassan) Arabic : Book 9, Hadith 1923 Sunan Ibn Majah  

عَنْ حَكِيمِ بنِ معَاوَِيَة، عَنْ أبِيهِ، أََّن رَجُلًا، سأََل النبِيَّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ ما حَقُّ اْلمَرْأةِ على الزَّوْجِ قَاَل  أن يطْعِمََها إِذَا طَعِمَ وَأن يكْسوََها إِذَا اكْتسَى وَلَا يضْرِبِ اْلوَجَْه وَلَا يقبِ حْ وَلَا يْهجرْ إِلَّا فِي اْلبيتِ ”   

37. No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: The Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman (i.e. she needs a walii), and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” Sahih (Darussalam) Arabic : Book 9, Hadith 1956 Sunan Ibn Majah 

 عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ  لَا تزَوِ جُ اْلمَرْأة اْلمَرْأة وَلَا تزَوِ جُ اْلمرْأَُة نفسََها فإَّن الزَّانِية هِيَ اَّلتِي تزَوِ جُ نفس ها ”  

38. Burdening the husband with unnecessary expenses

It was narrated from Jabir that:  The first thing that destroyed the Tribes of Israel is when the wife of a poor person would burden him for clothing or fashion like the way the wife of a rich man would burden him.’ Sahih (Albani) Silsila ahadeeth sahiha 591

 وعن جابر بن عبدالله رضي الله عنه أن النبي – صلى الله عليه وسلم – قال : ) إن أول ما هلك بنو إسرائيل أن امرأة الفقير كانت تكلفه من الثياب أو الصيغ  ما تكلف امرأة الغني.   

 

F. MISCELLANEOUS         متنوعة   

 1. Seeking knowledge together with men 

Abu Hurayra reported, “A woman came to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and said, ‘Messenger of Allah! We cannot come to sit with you, so set aside a day when we can come.’ He said, ‘Your appointed place is the house of so-and-so.’ He came to the women at that time. Part of what he said to them was, ‘There is no woman among you who has three children die, resigning them to Allah, who will not enter the Garden.’ A woman said, ‘And if it is two?’ He replied, ‘And if it is two.'”   

عَنْ  أَبِي هرَْيرََ ة: جَاَءتِ اْمرَأة إَِلى رَسولِ الِله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقاَلتْ : يا رَسُوَل الِله، إَِّنا لَا نقدرُ عََليكَ فِي مجْلِسِكَ، فوَاعِْدَنا يوًْما نأتِكَ فِيهِ، فقَاَل : موْعُِدكُنَّ بيْتُ فلَانٍ، فجَاَءُهنَّ لَذلكَ اْل وعِْد، وَكاَن فِيمَا حََّدَثه نَّ: ما مِنكنَّ اْمرَأة يمُوتُ لَها ثلَاثٌ مِنَ اْلوََلِد، فَتَحْتسِبهمْ، إِلَّا دخََلتِ اْلجَنة، فَقاَلتِ اْمرَأٌَ ة: أَوِ اْثنا نِ؟ قاَ ل: أوَ اْثنان. Grade    : Sahih (Al-Albani) Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 148  

2.   Spreading knowledge  

Ibn Mas’ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah()ﷺ  saying, “May Allah freshen the affairs of a person who hears something from us and communicates it to others exactly as he has heard it (i.e., both the meaning and the words), for it may be that the recipient of knowledge understands it better than the one who has heard it.” [At-Tirmidhi Book 13, Hadith 14] 

 وعن ابن مسعود رضي الله عنه قال: سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول:  “نضر الله امرًءا سمع منا شيئا فبلغه كما سمعه فرب مبلغ أوعي من سامع” ))رواه الترمذي وقال: حديث حسن صحيح((.  

3. Pre and Post islamic women status 

Narrated Ibn `Abbas: (in a long hadith that) Umar had said: “By Allah, in the Pre-lslamic Period of Ignorance we did not pay attention to women until Allah revealed regarding them what He revealed regarding them and assigned for them what He has assigned.

 قَاَل عُمَرُ وَاَّلِلّ إِْن كنا فِي اْلجَاهِلِيَّةِ ما نعُُّد للن سَاِء أَْمرًا،  حَتَّى أنزََل اَّلُلّ فِيهِنَّ ما أنزََل وَقسمَ لُهنَّ ما قَسَمَ .    Sahih al-BukhariBook 65, Hadith 4913   

 4. Women as a source of knowledge

Narrated Abu Musa: “Never was a Hadith unclear to us – the Companions of the Messenger of Allah – and we asked ‘Aishah, except that we found some knowledge concerning it with her.” 

عَنْ أبِي موسَى، قاَل ما أشْكلَ عليْنَا أصحابَ رَسُولِ  اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم حَِديثٌ قَطُّ فسألنَا عائِشََة إِلَّا    .وَجَْدَنا عِنَْدَها مِنُْه عِْلما Grade    : Hasan (Darussalam) Jami` at-Tirmidhi Book 49, Hadith 4257   

5. Causing another woman’s abortion 

Narrated Hisham’s father from Al-Mughira bin Shu’ba: Umar consulted the companions about the case of a woman’s abortion (caused by somebody else). Al-Mughira said: The Prophet ()ﷺ   gave the verdict that a male or female slave should be given (as a Diya). Then Muhammad bin Maslama testified that he had witnessed the Prophet ()ﷺ   giving such a verdict. Sahih al-Bukhari 6905

 عَنْ عُمَرَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أنُه استَشارَُهمْ فِي إِْملاص اْلمَرْأةِ فقاَل اْلمُغِيرَُة قضَى النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِاْلغُرَّةِ عَبد أوْ أم ةٍ. فقاَل اْئتِ منْ يشهد معَكَ، فَشَهَِد محَمَُّد بنُ مسَْلم ة أََّنُه شَهَِد النبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَضَى بِهِ .   

6.   A woman who dies in childbirth is a martyr 

It was narrated from ‘Uqbah bin ‘Amir that the Messenger of Allah ()ﷺ   said: “There are five things, whoever dies of any of them is a martyr. The one who is killed in the cause of Allah is a martyr; the one who dies of an abdominal complaint in the cause of Allah is a martyr; the one who dies of the plague in the cause of Allah is a martyr; and the woman who dies in childbirth in the cause of Allah is a martyr.” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3163 

 عَنْ عُقبة بنِ عَامِرٍ، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل : خَمْسٌ منْ قبِضَ فِي شَىء مِنُْهنَّ فهوَ شهِيٌد اْلمقْتوُل فِي سَبِيلِ اَّلِلّ شَهِيٌد وَاْلغَرِقُ فِي سبِي لِ اَّلِلّ شهِيٌد وَاْلمَبطُوُن فِي سَبِيلِ اَّلِلّ شَهِيٌد وَاْلمَطعُوُن فِي سَبِيلِ اَّلِلّ شهيٌد وَالنفسَاُء فِي سَبِيلِ اَّلِلّ شَهِيٌ د ”   

Alhamdulilah this is the end of our series on ‘100 hadiths on women’. For better understanding of these hadiths, refer to a sheikh or scholar who can give you more clarifications concerning the hadiths.

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