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There is that moment before everything changes. That one long second before everything turns sour. That one long second of total oblivion. You, at one of the beach stalls, laughing with your friend at how ridiculous you look with the sunglasses you want to purchase. The vendor looking at you amusingly. The old mirror reflecting your big grin and a huge pimple that just won’t go away. Your friend makes a silly joke about your indecisiveness while you make funny faces, still staring at the mirror. The sea waves are almost touching your feet. The fresh breeze is brushing on your face. You are fully absorbed at this moment; at this nothingness, or perhaps ‘somethingness’. See this moment, hold onto it for a second longer. Freeze. Pause. Take it all in.

Before you know it, you’re out of breath. Your hand on your chest. Your knees touching the white sand. The old mirror is shattered beneath you; thousands and thousands of broken pieces. Like your heart. Like this moment. You are sweating. You are shivering. Your heart is palpitating. You are losing control. Your friend is nudging you vehemently, she asks what is wrong. The vendor is p.e.t.r.i.f.i.e.d. He probably thinks you have a jinn. Maybe a sea jinn even. He takes a step back, slowly, while still asking you whether you are okay. Of course, he doesn’t want to seem like a coward. He cares. He is empathetic. But then, *insert Kenyan accent* ‘weuh! bravery for who?!’ People start to notice. Someone is asking someone to call for an ambulance. Who is someone though?

There is that moment before everything changes. Loud sirens. Silent weeping of your friend holding your hand. A machine beeping beside you. Constricted space. You.cannot.breathe.

You’re wheeled into the hospital. There is a lot of movement. A lot of whispers. A blurred sight of your friend talking to the doctor while tearing a lot. Darkness. Blurred sight. More beeping machines. Blurred sight again. Total darkness.

There is that moment before everything changes. You sleeping in your hospital bed, your parents by your side, your friends around you. The doctor then breaks it to you. You have just a couple of months to live. Everyone is crying loudly now. There are only a few times you are ‘let’ to cry in front of a dying patient. In fact, there are only a few times where you can ‘comfortably’ cry in front of anyone. This is one of those times. So everyone is probably making the best of it. Some are crying more than expected; they’ve probably been holding too many suppressed emotions. Some are too silent; they’re too loud.

There is that moment before everything changes. That one long second. That oblivion. Unfreeze the moment now. Can you see it? The pure joy? The hearty smile? The friendly touch? The silly actions? That one annoying pimple on your face that won’t just go away? Wouldn’t you do anything to experience it again? Wouldn’t you do everything to just pause that moment and take it all in? Feel the bliss? Appreciate the ocean? Laugh a little louder? Hug your friend tighter?

There is that moment before everything changes. It could be this one long second right now. Maybe, just maybe, you should take it aalll in.

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It’s been a while my good people. Thank you for staying tuned always. Thank you for your time 🙂 Please subscribe!

The sun sets beneath the hills that are stretched into the distance as I lazily sit on a couch while I enjoy the spectacular view. “No two sunsets are ever the same,” I soliloquise, enamoured by the ever changing hues of the sky, shifting from gold, to pink and eventually, black.

You see, sunsets make me sad for a variety of reasons and sometimes, for no reason at all.
They make me think of another day wasted with procrastination, beating myself up for not studying or doing some other mundane task. They also make me think of the impending doom that is about to befall this world, as the list of events prophesied over an aeon ago are fulfilled one by one. Other times, it simply reminds me that beautiful things are often fleeting at best, and in the end all men must die. I digress, or so it seems, but that is one of the reasons I love Kenya. The sunsets here are beautiful. A liken Kenya to a mother with over forty children, who fight each other for the biggest piece of meat. Some children are stronger than the others, and so they take from their weaker siblings and share major parts among themselves, leaving the rest starving or dissatisfied. So what do the weaker siblings do? They band against their stronger counterparts with the hopes of taking the meat that they possess and making it theirs. All the while, mama Kenya silently weeps and whispers, “This isn’t what I wanted.”

I’ve always thought of running away to some first world country where I’ll have a better chance of living a good life than here. All the goings on that occur on a daily basis have been met with indifference on my part, because I felt that it didn’t concern me. But now I find myself checking the news and looking up on the country’s economy. I’m curious to know who did what and which firm invested where. I get pissed off when politicians threaten to upset the current peace by inciting violence which once upon a time brought mama Kenya to her knees and almost took her to a point of no return.

It took me a while to realise this but…I actually love my country and care about whatever happens to it. Frankly, Kenya is a messed up country, but it is my messed up country. It’s the place where I was born and raised, where I felt love, joy, anger, sadness and pain. It’s a place I call home. When someone you care about is in a bad state, you try your best to rectify them instead of running away and letting them suffer. I believe we are at a critical point in our country’s future and we need to ensure that nothing happens that will jeopardize this future. If we are to pull off a Singapore and become one of the world’s leading economies, then we really need to put mama Kenya’s wishes ahead of our own and share the meat fairly and equitably, so that all siblings may truly love one another and make their mother proud.

So we definitely have those embarrassing moments that we wished that the earth swallowed us immediately or at least have Harry Potter’s magic cloak so as to disappear from being seen in such a situation. Those moments we waved back at a person waving to the person behind us or when we had an awkward fall in front of other people. This is just for fun; enjoy the read and I would definitely appreciate if you comment yours after reading this article. Let the ball keep rolling. Let’s give people something to smile about today 🙂

Starting with my own; I once took my pregnant sister to the hospital for check up. So there was a queue and the nurse stood at the door calling out names. My sis was called in and she left me at the bench with the rest of pregnant women. The nurse looked at me and asked with raised eyebrows, ‘are you pregnant?’
‘Noo!!’
‘Do you want to be pregnant?’
All the women started laughing and don’t even ask me how fast i left the bench. I was turning purple?

Also, In high school, my best friend and I once wanted to use the computer lab. And since it is sheikh khalifa, we decided that we should confirm first that there is no a boys class inside. To avoid embarrassments, we decided to peep at the key hole rather than open the door and check inside. As i was peeping at key hole the then deputy principal caught us in action. Worse still, he knew my name. So he called out my name in shock and then all he said was ‘good girls don’t peep through key holes’ ? I was more than tongue tied. What convincing justification can you give in such an instance?
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When I was in class 7…we had Arabic exam in school(integrated school-abuhureira), we made a habit of cheating for the Arabic/religious part because we had a lot of subjects to study for(about 12+the other five secular subjects) and even the secular part sometimes(though generally the secular subjects were less than the other ones and were easier). This wasn’t just one person habit, it was quite popular among students to cheat on those exams, but what made us different was who would come up with a perfect cheating plan and never get caught. Some would go in with papers books etc, they would get caught and one or two will be lucky and never get caught. In the first term exam,my strategically cheating buddies were put in a different class coz our class grew to be big and we had to be divided, so I was alone in a different class where most of my classmates weren’t*** so good in the madrasa part. Immediately I had to come up with a plan which didn’t include going in with Arabic book/madrasa book or paper coz that was tried before and it would be a cliche if I did the same and would most probably end up caught coz the teachers why on high alert for those kind of cheating methods, I needed a better plan which wasn’t tried before(more like cheating in plain sight and no need for hiding anything ) so I decided to write the Arabic stuffs in English eg.( اكتب-uktub) in a normal book, then during the exam put this book in between the exam paper and the desk (coz the papers used to be so thin and the desks were a bit rough plus the teachers were usually okey with that as long as it wasn’t that subjects book-or anything with Arabic for that matter). I spent the whole night writing pages and pages. During the exam I went in and did according to my plan and sat confidently for the paper, then unluckily instead of our usual Arabic teachers(whom by the way I knew that most of them were mostly into Arabic stuffs and don’t really give much attention to English/alphabet written stuffs) didn’t come to supervise us, but instead the IRE teacher came( as we know IRE teachers do both English and Arabic). I tried not to panic and went on with my plan coz I had no backup plan. After a while, The teacher got suspicious of me and he came to my desk, he checked the book and saw the alphabet written stuffs then he moved on, after a while he came back took the book and read it, he started laughing out loud and took me to the office. He embarrassed me infront of all the teachers by telling them that during all his teaching career, he never met anyone who could beat my cheating game. Even years after that, every class he teaches during the exams, he’ll tell the students not to attempt cheating unless they can up my game.

Also I was in primary school and we were watching the Kiswahili news in KTN…my Kiswahili was quite terrible at that time coz I was never brought up in Kiswahili speaking environment (it improved a lot when I joined Sh.khalifa), so in the news there were two women who were fighting over a man, my whole family was there watching and laughing, then my aunt asked whose husband he actually was among the two women fighting for him…then I answered so fast thinking that I knew the answer saying “you didn’t hear the reporter say-mwenye nguvu ndio mwenye bwana”…everybody started laughing and they couldn’t stop for about 5min. I had no idea what made them laugh coz I just answered a question,then my sister finally told me that the report said “mwenye nguvu mpishe” and never said “mwenye nguvu ndio mwenye bwana”
#Anonymous

It was 2009 and i was new in facebook and no one gave me 101 on facebook, my Ex high school friends and I were having a great time sharing jokes in one of his status update, A girl( from the same school as i was) asked one of my friends who is this Ahmed?, I didnt wanted my friend to disclose my identity because i blieved it was haraam to have non-mahram friends from the opposite gender, ‘ plz dont tell her my identity, you know my policy on girls’ i wrote that as a comment, In my head i thought just like email and migg33 ( in those days) no one except my friend will see my comment, I nearly had heart attack when she replied to my comment saying ‘ no one want you kijana sort yourself out’. After that i nearly quit facebook out of embarassment.

Another; an ex classmate of mine created a whatsapp group for abuhureira academy class of 2008. I never thought he will invite me in a mix group( boys and girls) because he knew my policy on such issues, for a day or two all those who took part in the chat were boys only, others knew so they asked me all sorts of question about marriage,age and all nonesense that boys speak when they think no female is listening, i asked a bajuni friend of mine if he got a somali girl for himself( knowing well that he liked them)? He told me mahar yao ni dollar and its rate( dollor rate against shilling was high) is volatile nowadays, I told him that somali men are to blame because they play with women, girls demand lots of dollars not because they want the money but just as an insuarance policy( life insuarance policy against divource). Then what happend next nearly gave my second heart attack, A girl started responding to my chats and she gave me a piece of her mind because she was offended by comparing mahar to insuarance policy.
#Ahmed Garissa, Abuhureira class of 2008.

Most of my embarassing moments are too embarassing to fall on public ears…but in the spirit of this i’ll give a light one,,once i was from the supermarket,i had a huge nakumatt bag..and was currently feelng that after-shopping glow….just outside the supermarket entrance,,i saw an old woman with a headscarf on,,,,who i figured was destitute..she had a lesso on the floor..i moved towards the old lady,put on my charity gloves..and took out some money,,i didn’t care to hand her the money thou….i dropped it on the lesso and immediately turned away,feeln good abwt maself…i heard the mama call me back…i turned back thinkng to maself ”here come the thankkyou’s”…”very unnecessary but if she does i’ll give her more.”..she threw a tantrum..got really pissed and asked me to take my money,,saying she was only waiting for her daughter to leave the supermarket….and that niko na madharau sana,,,,she kept on talking as i left clearly having lost that after-shopping glow…and feelng very embarassed..
#Jama Abby

I Was in class five when a christian guy called emanuel told the whole class that he had a dream we got married
Felt so embarrassed and i started crying?
#Nasrin

So it was in class 7, coast star academy and at asr tym, usually when its prayer time all the boys washika udhu n then go kule up kabisa where thrz the assembly hall then tandika a mat n pray. Hapo i wasn’t religious much…we were just from Nai the year before. Westayed there since nkiwa 3 then moved to Msa for class 6 mpka uko mwsho n i was still adjusting.
So its prayer tym n i’v always wantd to lead the jama3ah; see hw it feels to swalisha pple
. imajin u swalisha pple frm class 4 n wengine ata seniors.
So mtu akakimu, all my frnds are in the jama3ah… nkaanzisha swala freeeshy… then now loudly i started reciting alhamdu… with the beautifullest voice i can ???Apo ndo subhanAllah zlianza. I didn’t know what it meant n I’d never realized tht swalah za daytym watu hawaswalishi wyl recitin loudly.so the more the subhanAllah ikua zasemwa, the louder i recited..nkifkiry ni appraisal vle nasoma vzury…. we mwenywe ungeskia raha…n imajin its a hall…its echoin all over…mpka wakagive up… did the 1st rakaa…2nd..3rd…4th nkafinish…nkicheck nyuma thrz lyk swafu nne tht nnaswalisha…pple r gigglin n smilin at me
What’s evn worse kuliingia tchrs wakasmama kule nyuma kabisa wangoja tumalize they needed the hall kuna meeting wataka kufanya… afu sasa our IRE tchr alkua nao … she jst smiled n the othrz ambao ikua si waislamu wer amazed… cjui walijua ama vp…
Nkirudi class hzo ndo zilkua news… evrybody was told… tht kept hauntin me mpka nkamaliza tht school ?????
#Arafat Abdulrehman

After preps was soo tired so i ddnt wait for jama3a insted i prayd in my room.. so that i culd sleep afterwards.. lol mara nkaskia matron amekaa pale kwa table acheki watu wakiswali coz kuna signing after swalah.. ikanbidii njitokezee hapo prayer room.. but i ws so stupid insted of like pretending praaayin wit the othrz.. nkaenda tu pale nyuma ya saf nimeketi chini even without wearing my nguo za kuswalia.. so pale watu wanasujood ndo ws caught red handed.. hapo ndo matron akaniona live nlikuwa si swali.. wit hair open sjielewa ati naswali huku miguu zaonekana.. lol t ws embarrassing. . Bt i explained to her mara the next day akansema kwa ms malika?
#Swabrin Timimy

It was the biology class. I smiled at my deskmate form 2 we were talking about something. Then all of a sudden she told me to share the Hehe i coudnt so she got angry and tod me to go out and sit facing the mosque alafu boys waenda mosque.Gosh was soo embarassed. Kuneel down kwa staffroom afu maboys wamwita bro wangu. story infika mpaka kwa mamangu. ?
#Khalila Ali

I was in class 6 in Arya Samaj when I jokingly told my male class mate ‘wewe ntakupiga sasa hivi’in a loud voice..Kumbe sir alikuwa hapo nje kwa dirisha akaniskia..He just came in akaniambia ‘haya mpige basi’..I felt so embarrassed. I was in class 5..During an English lesson,sir asked if anyone of us had been inside the parliament..And I being kimbelembele,I raised my hand..I was so sure I was right..So my classmate later asked me if I really had been there..And being so sure,I said ‘Yes,’and I described how it was..Little did I know that my description was that of an ‘elevator’ instead of a ‘parliament!’She told me ‘but that is a lift!’I felt so stupid
#Anonymous

Mine goes lyk ths,we were in the DH#dining hall waiting for food Sa chakula kinchelewa I decided to peep thru the hole ya mlango Sa ushapata ile design ya kuchungulia while leaning on the door Mara the door was opened n I almost samasaulted yani it was soo embarrasing cz the boys were there waiting to be served since tht day nlikoma kupiga chabo?
#Zeinab Said

Oh boy, most of my embarassing moments came when I was still a kid, I became more careful as I grew up. One particular moment I can’t possibly forget, i was about nine and me and my buddies were having a game of football in the local ground. Then this group of teenage girls passed by apparently to go play their own match elsewhere. So the game was momentarily disrupted and , well boys will be boys, we started whistling and cat-calling until they passed. Later that evening they came back, seemingly having lost their game, because they looked really intense. So when we repeated the earlier ritual, this time they weren’t so amused. We wounded their pride and we paid the price for it…they started chasing us throughout the neighbourhood intent on breaking our bones or sth of the sort. I ran for seemingly forever, this extremely athletic girl chasing me, and not in the context I would have enjoyed, and I ran while seriously fearing for my life. When I finally evaded her grasp, I found myself inside someone’s home garden, panting like a dog. The owner comes out asking me what’s going on and in between pants I tell him ‘eh kuna jambazi…ana panga…afukuza watu’

I learned my lesson well that day..
#Imran Abdallah

My embarasing moment wud be to stand in the buses early morning na wavllana mutasema mwaenda prison just imagine kisha ammi apige break mara mwagongana lol.
#Aisha Sunkar

When we were in class 7 it was sooooo hard. The unbearable year ile yenye maisha ikikushinda waeza drop uolewe. So it was Maths and we did the mid term exam ikawa twafaa kusubmit workings na answers separately na answer sheet ya ABCD separately. So me na ujuaji wangu wote nkapata 28% and Imran goes ahead and knocks us of by getting a 96/8%. So ever since, our class teacher akawa atupa assignment ya kufanya paper moja in 2 days like write down the question and workings alafu she collects the books. So this one time I didn’t finish answering…actually it was the whole class except this one girl Caroline. Our class teacher akatutoa kwa corridor during break time tukneel with hands up and mouths wide open…so kila mtu akitoka atuona tuko kwa corridor. This other teacher akawa atoka class six ya boys na biscuit na vile midomo zetu ziko wazi akanitia biscuit mdomoni. Well you can’t blame me for chewing it. All this time kumbe our class teacher atuchungulia kwa dirisha ya staffroom…nlirandwa hapo hapo mikono juu mdomo wazi. You can imagine the scene with boys all over. Shame on her for ripping of my self esteem and dignity in front of all those boys!!! Update….tulilalamika ikawa hakuna tena punishments except writing down lines kwa full scaps….
#Husna Lali

Which one to start.lol.. they are soo many.. Miss Ferouz busting saumu while she was making my hair in the Khamso room.. she made me walk to class carrying my brush and hair oil with my hair open.. Another one.. a form one boy asking me out a few days ago… like for real.. Am old enough to be your mama kiddo..
#Lalbiby Mansoor

That would probably be the day i had a crush on a certain girl in primary school & decided to write a love letter. of course the worst case scenario happened & within an hour the whole school knew word for word what i had written.
#Ahmed Shayo

This one time in high school, I got a 4 days suspension because I was “an accessory to a crime”…school crime people…not the government. My mum takes me back to school on the day I was supposed to be returning and we obviously had to face the then deputy principal-Ms.Feiruz alongside my class teacher Ms. Fatma. Ms. Fatma is all on my side favoring me and what not and then when we’re almost through she said ” You should stop being cheeky, you’re a senior now..” And she turns to my mum like ‘mwanzo huyu kukinyesha haji school alafu asema kwao hakupitiki kuna maji mengi. I told her to go tell her mother to build her a boat and she came back the next day saying “my mum said ‘seremala wetu ankufa'”. And that’s when the never ending string of words from mum begin. Ms.Feiruz is all like “we’ve had other Lali’s before…you’re not like any one of them”
Darn woman….really???
P.S….my mom did say to tell her our carpenter died…the truancy part…blame it on being tired and the excuse..I was being creative, excuse you
#Husna Lali

Once, I was going back to the dorm after asr prayers. I reached street 11 and there was this huge cow blocking the way. So I decided to give it a wide berth, but the thing just lowered its horns at me and advanced threateningly whenever I took a step towards it. So I’d then take a step back. The whole school was watching (and laughing of course), though the girls were more frightened by the prospect of me being skewered. Needless to say, it was really embarrassing.
#Arif, class of 2013

My embarrassing moments are just the random ones. Like thinking your parents are asleep so you go to the washroom without looking the door then suddenly your dad comes and he wants to open the door then quickly you hold the door so that it doesn’t open. Then afterwards he starts yelling at why I don’t lock the door. Or maybe a kiss scene comes in a movie we are all watching and the remote isn’t working so everyone just pretends staring at space while mum complains how English men have misled people.
#Anonymous

It was on a normal school day with no surprises of the day.Classes were ongoing as usual and we had just completed our first class.I stood infront of the class and strarted mimicing my history teacher as I was the only talented in it.No sooner had I started mimicing him when he entered the class.I was so shocked and didnt know what to do.I looked at him as he looked at me and I just felt embaraassed and looked away hehe…While I was still standing confused and shaken,the teacher ordered me out of class and explain my actions to the Principal.I knew it was the end of me and decided not to go out of class.From a far I saw the Principal coming towards our class and I decided to obey the teacher and vanished never to be seen.I showed myself after the lesson and I was summoned by class teacher.I stood there not knowing what to do and how to answer the questions directed to me. Nlikuwa heavily punished ofcourse; slashing about 10×5 square metres of grass plus 5 hot strokes of cane ……..Until now I still bear the guilt n embarassment in me imagin hehe….wat if i was the teacher…

Another; It was on lunch time and we were scrambling for food at the canteen.Buying food was difficult due to over congestion of students.At last I managed to get some chips and I was relieved.Before I could move away I heard a voice “kijana kuja hapa”.I recognised that voice and I looked behind. The teacher was referring to me and I realized I had not tacked my shirt.He took my chips and told me to follow him to the staffroom.On entering the staffroom I pleaded with him to forgive me but he just kept looking at me.Before I could even notice a slasher was already in my hands.To make matters worse he instructed a junior prefect to monitor me while slashing.I had no escape route than to oblige instead of a getting a suspension and till today I remember where did he take my food hehe….
#Gharama Ni Gharama

My desk mate and I were once caught by the then deputy principal laughing in class. She decided to take us with her to her office and it was obvious it wasn’t going to be a good day. As she walked in front of us to her office, a boy’s class was going to the library. And some of them knew us and definitely understood we were going for a punishment. They started laughing at us and it was really embarrassing.
#Hajra Taher

After years of “romeo n julieting ” one week after we finish school, the nosey librarian finds a romantic note from one Butterfly to her flower, the contents of the lettr, you don’t want to imagn? so she takes the lettr to Ms.Fatma (class teacher) and it becomes the topic of the day in females staff room, Ms. fatma calls Butterfly’s mum “mwambie Butterfly aangalie maisha yake, wanaume hawana mana… Blah blah blah…. Nevr been this embarrassed, My mum is out of words, little did she know behind this innocent face lied a DREAMER who all she saw was loooveee ?
The same week Butterfly is supposed to go to school to clear, imagn the looks on the female teachers??, too shy and embarrassed, butterfly holds her head high and goes to xul, on entering the staff room you could sense the “wambeas” showing each other “it’s her” and talking with their eyes, after the signatures she received a hell of a lecture from Ms.Fatma, luckily ms.feiruz (the then deputy principal) wasn’t around, rumor had it that she was eagerly waitng to meet Butterfly ???
#Butterfly

Now that you had your laugh, may you have an embarrassing day too ???

OUR LIVES IN A SNAP

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy

 

Me-Snap

Food-Snap

Location-Snap

Spouse-Snap

Friends-Snap

Shoes-Snap

Gift-Snap

Family Outing- Snap

Posted Facebook- Check

Posted Instagram- Check

Posted Snapchat- Check

Posted Twitter- Check

Posted Whatsapp- Check

We are all living in the technology frenzy and all we have are camera clicks everywhere we go. With the coming of the selfies, oh my, people couldn’t get busier. The reality is that we have lost the actual essence of taking photos and videos. We no longer buy shoes because we need them, we no longer even enjoy the food that we really like. We no longer really cherish the moments we live because we are all focused on taking photos and posting them on social media so that the world can see what we ate, what we wore, what we did. And the real value of these moments all go to waste because as soon as the photos are deleted from our gallery then that’s the end of it.

So picture this scenario.Here we are, in a very beautiful place, having wonderful food with the people we love most but what are we doing? The first thing we do is take photos of the food, of the place, of you all; but while we are busy doing all this, we forget the actual essence of our outing or picnic or whatever the occasion is. We are now cherishing the photos more than the real value of the photo or the whole event.We don’t even remember the conversations we have because we are only half listening; everyone busy taking snaps to show off to the world.

Technology has made us in a daze. We are slowly selling our entire lives to technology and before we realize it, our lives would be nothing more but a snap. All our moments will mean nothing to us because we didn’t really participate in creating a memory.

As we grow old, maybe at one time when you are at your 80’s you will be looking at your phone, your gallery full of photos that you took over time but they end up to be just photos. Photos that don’t have any value to you; meaningless snaps, because you were busy snapping instead of living the actual moment.

Live the moment. It doesn’t come twice. Don’t let the snap dictate your life!