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God and I, we used to be such good friends. God, don’t I miss that friendship! There was no rush of leaving the prayer mat after praying. I’d stay there and just talk to Him, you know? Maybe because I was lonely. And it was such a comfortable safe space to slide into. I could cry, laugh and say all I wanted to say that my anxiety wouldn’t otherwise let me. Or maybe because of the way people judged me a little too harshly. I had always been recognized as the religious one. Why? I didn’t shake hands with men. Or maybe because I did all my sunnahs like they were compulsory. Or my sujoods were noticeably longer. And I wasn’t even trying. That was my comfortable zone. I remember leaving school earlier on Fridays just so I could go to a distant mosque where nobody recognized me so I could have alone time with God. It was beautiful.

Update 1: I prefer hugs to handshakes now 🙁
Update 2: Where did y’all religious friends go?
Update 3: I’m doing compulsories like they’re sunnahs now.
Update 4: Refer to update 3

Thing with friendships though, you don’t realize when they’re breaking. It’s so gradual and smooth before you know it you’re the friend that people are coming to for good music. The religious friends are spending less and less time with you. You’re spending your nights in clubs. And then one day after so many days you’ll find yourself in a dirty pitch in your room or on your way to work wondering, “How? How did I become this person? How did I get here? I just want to go home.”

So yeah, I’m not in a very good place with God now. And that hurts me. I’d be in Jamia mosque praying and look at people who look so engrossed in their own prayers and duas with Allah and i’ll feel so much envy and pain and a

“That used to be you” Must be the devil hat whispers with his tongue out.

Like there was this girl in a red Hijab once. She was at the very first line. Flawless skin and such a beautiful hearty and warm smile. I imagined she woke up in the depths of the night to pray. The way I used to. The way I want to.

Sometimes, I’m reminded of God in the most bizarre and unexpected way or place. Take for example this friend. Said friend isn’t Muslim. Said friend asks me, “How are you and God, love?”
That has stuck with me for so long since it happened. I wish we had such honest conversations more often. Or this time I’m watching a play, in the form of contemporary dance, about a group of people escaping their homeland because of war, and so they’re fleeing to safer grounds. I remember sitting there alone, telling myself, it’s time to start that journey. Go back home, darling.

Thing is, it’s such a big place. When you’re being pressured into stuff, you can not remember anything like peer pressure. You’re not even doing it to be cool for anyone. You tell yourself that you’re doing it in the spirit of being ‘adventurous’. And really, maybe you are. Because, the world our parents think we live in and the world we actually live in, it’s mars and venus. Two totally different realities. And people are busy. Everyone is going on with their business and here you are, taking whatever path you deem right. Which to be honest, I don’t really have a problem with. Only thing is, ‘Is there room for my faith and God in this?’ Most times that answer is no. And almost all those times, you’ll go ahead with whatever it is.

I haven’t been to a club. I haven’t taken alcohol. Alhamdullillah. But I have seen how weak I can get, and I don’t know when that day will come. I have close friends that I have seen traverse the ‘halal-strict-hijabi’ life to the party all night, ‘take buibui off in the corner close to home’ life. And yes, they are STILL my friends. Because a part of me gets them. A very big part of me gets them. And then there’s this part that’s hanging on to whatever trail that’s left of my friendship with God. That i’m holding on to with my dear life.

There’s that voice again.
“Go back home, darling.”

Yours truly,
Your Favourite Stranger 🙂


P.S: You can read more of her pieces on her blog: https://www.favouritestranger.com/

WHY YOU SHOULD MAINTAIN YOUR RAPPORT WITH YOUR GOD

 By Lubnah Abdulhalim
Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy

 

Most of the times we have a parasitic relationship with God but that’s just because we have an ego and we tend to forget that God doesn’t need anything from us or any part of us. Many of us have heard the words ‘keep God first’ that they became a cliche’ to us. We then started taking the words for granted. But just take a deeper look at these words. Sink in them and you will find true tranquility and truth in them. Maybe that’s why all successful people keep repeating these words to us in their advice. Maybe they discovered the truth in these words that we haven’t yet. Here is why you should maintain a good relationship with Him.

1. You need Him. He doesn’t.

However hard headed or arrogant or proud you are, you are nothing but a servant before Him. He has millions of creatures bowing down for Him and one less doesn’t change one little bit of anything in this world.  But for me and you, we need Him whether you choose to go towards only when in need or always..need is permanent. When we get what we want for now, sooner or later we’ll still need something else which no one else can grant us expect God.

2. He is in control. You are not.

If you were suddenly attacked by a gangster and he is holding his gun right in his hand you would tremble. You would cry. You would beg. You would ask for a chance to live. Why? Because he can easily end your life. He can decide to burn your house as well. He may decide to steal what you worked for all your life. Yet still he may decide to let go of you without harming you in any way. God can do all that only that He is no gangster. All your life is in His hands..but the other difference between Him and the gangster is that you don’t see him but He sees you which makes the whole affair complex yet so simple. The gangster is in control of you at that moment but God is always in control of your life since you take your first breath to the last. However wealthy or healthy you may be then you are indebted to God for letting you have what you have.

3. He is permanent.  Everything else is not.

You may have the entire world’s happiness, wealth, health or maybe a factory of chocolates but still in a blink you may wake up with totally NOTHING. Family may die, friends may betray you, wealth and health may depart you but God will always be there for you; in both good and bad times. Everything comes to an end only God doesn’t.

4. He is flexible.

In all religions in the world, we believe in a God that has wrath and great anger on those who disobey Him. We are told of how we will be punished once we die and pay for our sins but yet still we are told of His great mercy alot lot more times more than his wrath. We are easily forgiven by making it up with small good deeds. We earn rewards for little compassion like that of helping an old man crossing the road. What more proof do we need than that of the man who killed 99 people and was told that he will never be forgiven and killed that person making it 100 and yet he was still forgiven.

5. Best of business deals are with Him.

So many philosophers talk of how giving is receiving. The more you give the more you see bounty flowing into your life. You give a coin and get ten more plus a generous bonus of eternal happiness and joy. You smile and you get multiple of smiles back so where would you ever get such unbelievably generous contracts anywhere?

If you had a boss as wealthy as God, as generous as God, as firm as God, as loving as God wouldn’t you be addressing him with such respect never seen before? Wouldn’t you always want to be associated with him? Wouldn’t you be calling him always? Wouldn’t you want to make a best friend out of him? Wouldn’t you want to share with him both your sorrows and joy? Wouldn’t you want to never annoy him and always be in the safe side with him? Wouldn’t you want to speak very cautiously with him? If you had a boss who had written down all his plans on your work; when he will raise your salary, when he will give you a higher post, when he will demote you or when he will fire you, wouldn’t you work extra hard to please him, wouldnt you sweet talk him to change his plan of demoting or firing you? Wouldn’t you ensure a very good relationship with him so that he can raise you more and give you better opportunities? But there will never be such a boss because such great qualities can only be all found at once in God. Moreover, we all make plans each and every day but how many times do they eventually turn out impossible? That’s because your boss has a supreme boss; God, who makes other plans for us while we create our own. So make sure you have a good rapport with Him. Make sure you are in His good books so that He can always remember you. Make sure you love Him as much He loves you.

So just for a moment kneel down and say a sincere prayer to God. Even if you alright. Even if you have everything at the moment. And even if you have so many troubles or too busy…just take this moment to sincerely thank God for what you had, what you have right now and whatever plans He has for your future, for His plans for you are always perfect. So talk to Him from the deepest part of your heart. Talk to Him and He will silently listen. Do that often; all successful people do.