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My friends and I talk about anxiety in hushed tones,
in desperate volumes,
in late night texts of hopelessness,
“You too?”
she asks as if we are a team,
like we are a bandwagon,
a secret group full of emotion jargon
like we are some sort of cult,
clutched in the hands of our feelings
that we can’t bring to a halt.
“I’m overthinking,” he says
“I’m overthinking about my overthinking,
about my edginess,
my restlessness,
my helplessness,
my breathlessness.
***sigh***
“Shhh!!” she says
they shouldn’t know
you should just lay low.
They shouldn’t notice any more
lest they call you weak
they’ll call you sensitive
an attention seeker
or perhaps an emotional speaker!
sshhh!
Conceal, don’t feel
Don’t let your joy seem so real
or show your over-flowing tears in the name of ‘I want to heal’
They don’t understand how you can laugh so whole-heartedly about a silly pun that’s not even fun,
or how you passionately cry about a video you watched on whatsapp.
They’ll say, ‘You’re too much’
like too much of anything is really poisonous.
They speak as if they know the itchiness beneath your skin
like insects having a party within.
As if they know of the noise in your head,
of the demons you carry on your back,
of the weight of the world you carry on you like you just became a truck!
No. They have no idea,
They have not a single bit of an idea of how it feels to have a super-power of feeling,
of feeling things unfelt, untouched, unseen.
They have no idea,
that’s why I keep feeling.

***Dear, you are never alone…

By: Nilu Bachani

There’s the image of fire reflecting through my eyes
Flames burning little children as they cry.
With that, innocence is turning to bones and ash
Syria is falling, on its way to crash
Oppressors think they’re winning
But Allah, we all know He is watching
The world has turned to a blind eye
Ignorant and nonchalant, with no reply
People are always fighting for what’s happening on the other side
Yet, here everyone has closed their ears, their mouths, their eyes
to something I call a genocide
Each tear, each scar, every drop of blood of an innocent soul is nullified
This is inhumane and atrocious
Yet with blood all over them
every whisper consists of His name
Al-aziz, The Victorious
They lost hope in the world, but they know who to fear
Despite knowing that death might be near
Fathers mothers brothers sisters constantly weeping with the words inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiuun.
More bodies are piling up, praying that all this will go away soon
Aleppo, oh Aleppo, how can I be silent Aleppo
Ya Allah bring the Ummah together, to fight for their tomorrow…
understanding why the Prophet cried for us so much
women pick death rather than being raped, over my stomach my hands clutch.
Yet here I am envisioning it
while they’re actually going through it
thinking how unbearable the screeching of their screams must be
Feeling helpless, as I prostrate towards Allah accepting reality
That this is cruelty
and I question have we forgotten humanity?
But with guilt inside me I pray for forgiveness that all the damage that’s done is because I was silent all along
I, another human watching more blood being shed, seeing that it’s all wrong.
Tick Tock, look at all the time that’s been gone.
Tick Tock, now all their flesh is bone….

——————————————————————————————————————

Nilu recited her poem after the prayers for Aleppo on Thursday (and it honestly gave me a chill). She was also one of the organizers of the event.

Alhamdulilah the turn out was not bad. Around 100 people (both men and woman) attended while the organizers reported to have collected around 130, 000 Kshs which they are still collecting until Monday then send the money in shaa Allah. May Allah bless the organizers and all those who participated in one way or another, the ones who attended from far and near, and even those who wished to be present but couldn’t; may God grant you well in dunya and akhera. I hope we can do better than this next time because I believe we CAN DO better. Alhamdulilah ala kul hal. Let us keep praying for Syria, for Yemen, Palestine, Burma…all the countries suffering. May Allah grant them victory. Ameen ya Rab!

Photo Courtesy: http://cbsnews2.cbsistatic.com/

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS VERY DISTURBING CONTENT

For those who know me well enough, they’d tell you you’d rarely see me in the middle of a crowd. It makes my head spin. In any event or occasion i’d either be within the two/three rows and most probably at the side-end of the line. It is always easier to get away you know. The nearer to the door, the better. So yesterday I was at the Iqra Youth foundation seminar and they had us to follow the lines. I ended up right at the middle of the third line. So before the event started, we had almost two hours. There were some nasheeds being played. One of the songs was one of the songs my late Mama two loved. Immediately upon hearing it, I could feel her face right in front of me. The memories, the laughter, her jokes…I started crying. I thought it would just a be a tear or two but then it almost became like an outburst of a spring. I was nervously and anxiously searching for my handkerchief in my bag with my head bowed so down almost getting buried in the bag. Obviously I didn’t want anyone see me cry. It was too early in the morning for anyone to be seen crying. I could’t find my hanky so I just used my hijab to wipe the over-streaming tears. My younger sister was seated next to me, I could see how deep in thoughts she was. I guessed that she probably was thinking about her too but no, I wasn’t about to let her see me in tears and make her cry too. I am the older sister remember? In that roller coaster of thoughts, my mind replayed all those depressing videos I had seen the previous night of Aleppo. I started crying even more. Here I am crying for losing one important person what about them?! Losing everything all at once; homes, schools, hospitals, families…Seeing your sisters being gang raped right in front of their eyes…God! It made me feel miserable. The helplessness, the burning feeling…God knows how many times I kept my head bowed down in my bag, pretending to still be searching for the hanky. Looking behind after every two minutes to check whether my best friend had arrived to my rescue. My head was spinning, I could hear the laughter around, people busy chattering away, heads bowed down to their phones with no easy exit to the washroom so I stayed put, had a monologue trying to stay calm while taking deep breaths. God knows how many times I’ve wanted to disappear in such situations; be invisible, dissipate totally if possible. That is what helplessness does to us. Makes one angry, stressed, sad, frustrated all at the same time. It makes one question humanity, question God, question so many things…

This is perhaps one of the worst times to live in, one of the worst centuries to exist in. You see the humanity burn away into ashes. You see misery. You see rivers of blood flowing in a river-less town. You see children being tortured. You see women being raped. You witness a lot while you can do NOTHING about it. NOTHING.

But then this isn’t about Aleppo or Syria only. This is not about religion, race or politics. It is about the lives of innocent people. This is about Yemen, Palestine, Burma and many MANY other places around the world. It is about humanity. It is about the universe.

They cry, they scream, they die. They are calling unto us? Where are we?! Where are we in helping them? As much as we keep tweeting, updating, blogging, instagraming about them, we have to REALLY ACTUALLY LITERALLY pray for them. Let us not just say, ‘let us pray for them.’ We need to take action NOW! We need to organize protests. We need to organize tahajjud for prayers for the whole world. We need to go back to Allah because He? He is the only one who can help them.

I am not trying to torture you too with these videos. I hope you can see the importance of your prayers and protests at this moment, to see the blessings in your life that you barely thank God for…to see how much privileged you are. Alhamdulilah ala kul hal.

Take heart people. God is seeing this all. He is watching and He is preparing great reward for all these people. Take heart that God has a greater plan. That He is still in control; always has been, always will be. Let’s all turn towards Him. Let’s complain to Him. Let us beg Him. Let us PRAY PRAY PRAY! Let us pray for the sake of all those who are gone and those still clutching onto the feeble straws 🙁

Ameen thumma ameen! ;(