THE ERA TO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE

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Love Triangle

Photo: Unknown

I actually love seeing young happy couples together. By couples I mean married of course. I don’t really mind seeing a 20 year old already in her home and happy with her life. What? Are you surprised? You expect me to condemn such ‘kids’ to have their own families? I won’t. If the two can sustain each other’s needs and are responsible enough then why not?

There is also another scenario of young girls who do not want to study. Who are not interested in studying. Who do not want to even get a job and do something with their life. If this was your daughter what do you do with her? Ground her for a month? Take her phone? Forbid her friends from visiting her? Drag her to school and waste your school fees? Force her to go do a job? You do this to an 18 year old then you are just making her become rebellious. Do that to a boy he becomes twice as rebellious. And you know what young people do when they become rebellious? They do all that would hurt you, annoy you, piss you off completely. They will join bad gangs, have bad friends, get into drugs, partying and illicit intercourse.

Of course as a parent you are to do your very best in convincing and persuading and advising and threatening if necessary to make them realize that they are wasting their life away but if worse gets to worst and you see the young man or girl has made up her mind to be and do nothing then give her something worthwhile to be. Let her be someone’s wife. Let her be a mother. Not as a punishment though cause that way it also won’t work. Don’t push her to get married to escape your own responsibility. Don’t let her frustrate someone’s son because you couldn’t handle her (same applies to a stubborn young man). Let her get into marriage if that is what she is interested in or perhaps she can do well in.

How many times have we seen very poor performing girls becoming best of house wives and best of cooks and best of mothers? Not all children are blessed in academics but they could be blessed in their ability to take up such home responsibilities; the home science. If she is capable enough then why not? If the man marrying her is good enough then why not? If they are both happy with the decision then why not? Isn’t it better than letting her waste away with men? Isn’t being a mother the most noble career of all?? Well of course we can’t compare the older generations (where our mothers could get married at 16 and still be exemplary women in the society) to the spoilt dot com kids who can barely do anything by themselves. But there are some few young girls who still carry that old gene of being responsible when it comes to home affairs. Plus, apart from that, we have those who got married at such early ages and still went on pursuing their dreams, studies and careers!

Okay, now that I have made that point clear, let’s come back to the main topic. That this is not the era to rush into marriage! Ironic right? Yes, let me explain why.

Nowadays, we no longer have love triangles. We have Bermuda love triangles. Correction again; the Bermuda lust triangles. I say Bermuda because it’s other name is called the ‘devil’s triangle’. Perhaps that is what defines what exactly is happening among’st us currently.

You know like A and B are a married couple. They seem to be quite happy. But A is also secretly dating C who is a co-worker to B. And B also ‘has a thing’ for D. And D is the ex of C. C on the other hand is also seeing F who is the cousin to B. Oh and before I forget, A also had a one night stand with G. F also had a thing with both H and I who apparently all are friends. You get the scenario? What’s all this mess of ‘we had a thing??’ Do people throw themselves over everyone just because they ‘had a thing’? What’s a thing anyway?! This is not love. It is lust and most of the times it is lust plus love of money. By the time these ladies finally get married their hearts are in such a pathetic state. They are wasted. Their hearts are as cold as ever. She will always be comparing everything to what all her ‘men’ offered her. Their touch, their outings, their money, their intimacy. She will compare, even if not loudly. As for the man, he is no longer fresh and green. He is rotten and a rainbow of all the dark colours that you know of. He will mistreat you because he doesn’t exactly need you. He is overwhelmed by all the women who have walked in and out his life. He doesn’t need you as a wife and partner, perhaps just as the woman in consummation.

There was a time back when being a mistress was such a disgraceful thing.  When being a side-chic was such an awful thing. Everyone was condemning it. Only cheap ladies standing at the street willingly accepted the position yet right now very young girls, teenagers, are vying up for seat. Pardon is it vying up or down? I mean, where are we really headed to? What makes us any different from prostitutes? That we wear fancier clothes and do all these stuff for fun and not for money? Or is this sponsor affair stuff okay now? Where is our modesty people? Our chastity?

I mean, look at us. Look at how disgusting our situation is. Young men getting married early…and we say ‘well done. He has done good to mature up, to abstain, to take what is rightfully his’ only to come and realize he was looking for someone to fill his emotional loophole (which is fine). He was looking for a punching bag (sooo not fine). Someone to comfort him (which is fine too) but at the same time, he is back dating his ex. He realized he rushed into marriage. That he was not over her. And what does this poor neglected girl do when his husband no longer gives her the attention? Seeks her husband’s friend. That same one who’s been eating on the same table with her husband. But do you get my point? Do you see how rotten we are? Now why are you rushing into marrying anyone?

I’ll tell you this. When someone proposes or when proposing to someone, do your research well. Even if you know them for eternity, still do your research. Do a thesis about them if possible. Employ a private detective if possible. Seek help from FBI, CSI, CIA, all these security forces. Ask about the guy or the lady like she is in the most wanted list. Don’t let that infatuation or love blind you. No one is what they seem. I mean NO ONE! Take your time with this. There is no deadline in this. It is about your life. It is a lifetime commitment so no one should hold a gun on your head. If someone is not up to your standards don’t just accept because everyone else your age is getting married. Have your focus. Marriage is not your final destination. Marriage is not everything in life. Marriage is not about the white veil or the full suit. It is you handing over your heart with both hands to another person. You wouldn’t want to do that just to later on realize that you married a womanizer, a batterer, a homosexual, a psycho, a cheap lady, a terrorist, a drugist, someone with all kinds of diseases and most of all, a betrayer …right??

Sweetheart, there is no rush. Be patient. Analyze what people have to offer in your life. Sieve them away. Be critical in your thinking. Again, don’t allow love to blind you. Yes, everyone has some flaws but some flaws are just unacceptable. Keep praying again and again. Ask God to grant you what is best for you then wait. Remember your fate is already written. Don’t panic. Wait. Don’t let the societal excitement of marriage overwhelm you. Wait again. Remember this, good things take time! 😊

 

To end this I will leave you some lyrics by someone (i don’t even know the name) but someone showed these lyrics some time back and I think the message is good:

 

Anayetoa ni mola wa pekee yeye

Kwa kila goti na dua anajibu yeye

Usije itaka harusi kwa pupa

Usije itaka harusi ukarudi na talaka

Usikimbilie mume ukaukondesha moyo

 

Mola amekuumba na sifa kedekede

Ukimuomba yeye atakusikia

Jiamini mama usiwe na mapepe

Ya nini tumbure angali mume majaliwa?

Kwanini ujichoreshe na mali yako yaliwa?

Utabeba vibovu upewe maradhi kukimbilia mapenzi

Uje upate tabu ukwaye mavazi uyachukie mapenzi…

 

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A freelance writer, journalist, poet and blogger venturing mainly in social and community issues, study and analysis of behaviour and life, and the plight of the under-dogs in the society. 'I feed on human stories.'

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