WHEN YOUR PARENTS GO WRONG

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Each one of us comes from a different background, from a different environment and from a different upbringing. Some grew up being showered with love and passion while some have always been on the ‘black list’ and the bad side of their parents. You may not always agree with your parents but one thing is never going to change; they brought you into this world. They are your parents. You are never going to have another biological mother or father. You are here because of them.

It’s terrible when parents don’t understand you, when they have too high expectations, when they set too many limitations, when they don’t let you follow your dreams, when they want you to be like them, when they favour your siblings more than you, when they are always complaining to people about you, when they discredit you publicly, when they always seem disappointed with everything that you do, when you are just not good enough, when they don’t give you the freedom you yearn for, when you are the least favourite child, when they are being hateful, when they rarely or never show you some compassion…yes, it’s terrible. It’s heart-breaking. It’s disappointing. It’s unfair. It’s painful. It’s definitely not what you deserve…

But one other fact is; they are your parents and however much they may be unfair to you, they have sacrificed a little or a lot more for your sake.

Most of our parents grew up in the era where compassion never even existed in their dictionary. They barely even got parental love. They never knew how kissing a parent felt like. It was that era that a father was supposed to be the head of the family, the master, the one to only give orders. It was that era where a mother never contributed in making family decisions, where a family was based on hierachy and no one was ever to take up another person’s role. The elder brother was as fierce as what he was supposed to be. And the father? He was twice that. There was no much bonding. There was no family time to discuss issues and everyone gives their opinion. Only orders are given…and when they are, you have no right to defer.

Times have really changed now. People have changed. Our era is the one where love, passion and compassion is encouraged. There is an emotional revolution and human beings are taught how to be humane. Well, perhaps the internet world has indeed done some good to us. We have been enlightened on the emotional needs that each one of us seeks. We have been taught how to be the best kind of people, parents and even human beings.

I know how depressing it is to be in this disturbing teenage-adulthood age where everything seems to be going wrong and maybe your parents are not making it any easier for you. We all go through this phase where we totally believe we are being oppressed. Like literally. You let that sink in your head so much that you too sink along. If you are in this phase, please remember this;

This is but a phase. Your parents love you even when they never show it. Wait…I know you are already about to interrupt me with ‘they don’t love me!’  But before you do, please rewind back to all the things your parents have done to you. Even if they gave you money rather than love…it may be the wrong way of showing compassion but that is their way to show you they love you. So yes, bottom line is that they do! They have sacrificed a lot for you. Please be patient. I know sometimes it is too much that you think it is better if you left home or if you were never born…but despite this bitter phase, I promise you that you are going to get your relief soon. Keep being patient.

Being rebellious will never make things any better. It wont make them change at this stage. They are way too old to change their flaws now. Act maturely by getting a grip of yourself during these bad times. Don’t act irrationally just so you can hurt them or annoy them. Again…be patient. This is your life test and they are your paradise. Never underestimate your reward of being patient with them despite their difficult habits.

When your parents go wrong, remember that their parents were twice as difficult.

That they hard a rougher time than you are.

That it is never easy for them to be the best parents when they’ve never known how best parents should act.

As much as they never knew what love is from their parents, they have tried to be better than their own. Please appreciate their trials.

Even if you don’t believe it, they wish well for you. Their ‘well’ beliefs may be different from yours due to the era gap but they insist, because to them, that is what is best for you. If you want to do it your way you can as well do it but in a good way without waging a war.

That they are also human beings. They also have flaws. They also need someone to accept them as they are…and who is a better person than their own child?

That someday you will also be a parent. Perhaps a much much better parent than your own. Perhaps you will right their wrongs and be real heros to your children. But remember that you too will have flaws, that your children will also dislike a few things about you. That they will be rebellious about some of your decisions…and at that time, you will really appreciate when your children try to understand you. You will really be humbled when they still love you irregardless of how ugly your behaviour gets. When you think of that, try coping up with your parents too.

 

Dear…when your parents do wrong, remember that it is your duty to be a good child. And what better lesson can you actually give your parents than proving them wrong? By showing them with your good actions how they should be treating you instead? And better still, grow up into a better parent than what they have been to you. Accept your mistakes when you have to and forgive them when they blame you over things you never did. As they say ‘mama ni mama ingawa rukwama’ (A mother is still a mother even when she is a cart) and maybe we can say, ‘baba ni baba ingawa tuktuk 😂 ( A father is still a father even when he is a tuktuk) Lol. Which simply means that despite our parents’ bad habits and difficult behaviours, they are still OUR parents. Let’s love and respect them for what they are. For the title they hold.

As for you who was blessed with understanding, loving and compassionate parents, appreciate them. Love them back fiercely…because many, MANY wish they could have amazing parents as your own.

Let’s all pray for our parents; that God guides them, that He gives us patience towards them, that He makes us better parents, that He forgives ours…and grant them paradise. Ameen!

 

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