Human beings – Strokes of My Pen

As an empath and a deeply sensitive person, I spent most of my years caring for others to the point of codependency. I always sought to help, assist and take care of others, entangling myself in deep attachments that were not always healthy and that sometimes made me lose myself. As years went by, I learnt the very hard way that human beings will disappoint you deeply-whether intentionally or otherwise. They definitely will. This is because, at the end of the day, we’re humans- we’re flawed by nature. We all make mistakes and sometimes, you and I will be on the receiving end of these wrongs.

Some people will use you and then abandon you, some will betray you, and some will hurt you in unimaginable ways even if they weren’t out to do so from the start. And I came to realize much later on that the reason I always ended up hurt in my relationships with others, was because of my deep attachment to them.

I put my people on a pedestal and had such high expectations of them because, in my view, I would do the same for them, and much much more. I made them my objects of admiration and sometimes obsession, blinding myself from the fact that you cannot own another human being, regardless of how much you do for them or what they mean to you.

At the end of the day, each one of us has our own story, struggles, flaws, baggage, expectations and goals. And however much we pour into other people, they are not obliged to do the same for us. It is true that in our religion, love and brotherhood are highly promoted, yet the reality is, how many people sincerely care about those around them?

When we attach our happiness and fulfilment to worldly things and mortals then it is a recipe for pain. We shall keep pursuing it-whether it is the love of human beings, or their approval, wealth, status, or fame- it will never fill us. Instead, we will become slaves to these attachments.

“Anyone whose heart is attached to the creation, hoping for someone from the creation to help him or provide for him or guide him, then his heart submits to them and (according) to the degree that his heart submits to them, he becomes their slave. This holds true, even if he is outwardly a ruler or guardian over those whom he treats as masters. The wise one looks at realities and not at appearances. So if a man’s heart is attached to his wife, even though that is permissible, his heart remains a prisoner to her and she may rule over him as she pleases – though outwardly he is her master and her husband. In reality, he is her prisoner and her slave, especially if she knows how much he is in need of her and how much he is in love with her and how much he feels she cannot be replaced by anyone else. At that point, she rules over him as the tyrant master rules over his subjugated slave, who cannot escape or go free. Indeed for the heart to be taken as a prisoner is a much greater matter than for the body to be taken as a slave or prisoner. Even a body that is a slave can have in it a serene and peaceful and happy heart. As for the heart that is a slave to other than Allah (the Exalted), then that is true humiliation, imprisonment and slavery.”

-Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah

An older sister in Islam that I really look up to sat me down the other day and told me her story of being deeply betrayed by her very best friend of about twenty years, and then went on to say, “You’re naturally a giver and I see how you care about other people and how you go extra lengths for them…I of course do not want to discourage you from helping others and being there for them, I just want you to be careful about how much you give of yourself. We do want that genuine, amazing sisterhood, but beware, this is not the world for it. This is not the place to lay out your entire heart for people. We can hope for that in Jannah in shaa Allah. As for now, know your limits. Don’t go above and beyond for people at the detriment of yourself.”

I have been sitting with her statements to date and I ponder a lot about them. Reflecting on my past and how my deep attachments to people mostly brought me extreme pain and disappointment, it totally makes sense. The life of Dunya has no value in the long run, except for what we shall have prepared for the next life. And perhaps it is high time we accepted that we can never truly find fulfilment in this life through other creations. It is only by our relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wataala.

This reminds me of something I read a while back, quoted from Ibn Al Qayyim Al Jawziya Rahimahullah:

“If a heart becomes attached to anything other than Allah, Allah makes him dependent on what he is attached to. And he will be betrayed by it.”

The pain, grief and heartbreak we experience from our objects of attachment are meant to remind us that Allah alone is the One we can fully rely on, have high expectations on, and trust completely. It is comforting to know that regardless of what happens, or how much we falter, He will always be merciful to us. Always awaiting our return. The hurt is meant to return us to Allah, the only One who will never fail us.

Even as I continue to unlearn so many things in my life, I realize I cannot do this without the help of Allah Subhanahu Wataala. I realize that I have no one but Allah to protect my soul from unhealthy attachments, from being blinded by love, and from holding onto what is not meant for me. He is the one who can fill the void inside my heart with peace and serenity regardless of who or what is in my life or the circumstances I am facing. I thus aim to have Allah as my very closest friend; the only one I know for sure will never hurt me and the only one I can lay bare to all my baggage and pain, without shame or fear.

Some of my favourite duas that I recite to seek Allah’s love, closeness, and protection are:

يارب إزرع في قلبي حبك، أشغلني بك وحدك، قربني إليك أكثر كي لا أبكي إلا من أجل شوقي لنور وجهك .. اللهم حُبك

My Lord, plant in my heart your love, occupy me with you alone, bring me closer to you so that I do not cry except for my longing for the light of your face. Ya Allah, your love…

‏اللهم إني أسألك حبك، وحب من يحبك، والعمل الذي يبلغني حبك، اللهم اجعل حبك أحب إلى من نفسي، وأهلي، ومن الماء البارد

‏O Allah! I ask You for Your Love, the love of those who love You, and deeds which will cause me to attain Your Love. O Allah! Make Your Love dearer to me than myself, my family and the cold water.

يا حي يا قيوم ، برحمتك أستغيث ، أصلح لي شأني كله ، ولا تكلني إلى نفسي طرفة عين

O Ever-Living, O Self-sustaining and All-sustaining, by Your mercy I seek help; rectify all my affairs and do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for the blink of an eye (i.e. a moment).

At the times when I am so overwhelmed by situations or other beings, and desperate to find peace in only Him, I keep my mouth wet with the short form of the first dua:

اللهم أشغلني بك وحدك

O Allah, occupy me with You alone i.e. Your worship and Your love.

May Allah strengthen our souls and Imaan. May He guide us to Him and make us among those who rely upon Him alone. May He grant us beautiful friendships, connections and relationships that will thrive both in this world and in Jannah. May He protect us from the unhealthy attachments of this world and the fitna and all the evil in it. May we always have the wisdom to only pursue His pleasure and love, Ameen.

HUMAN BEINGS AS ANIMALS

BY: Lubnah Abdulhalim

Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy

A bird wakes up very early in the morning without any idea what to eat or where to find the food, but they have three aspects in their minds. First, they have the certainty that they will find food for themselves and their young ones and they have faith that God has a plan for them. Second, they have the will power to rise up early in search for food. Lastly, they have the aspect of hard work in them that makes them fly all day long for food. They come back to their nests in the end of the day with their stomachs full, together with their young ones and yet still have no idea or plan where they will get food for tomorrow. That is what we can call; HOPE.An early bird catches a worm; this truly justifies the kind of lives we human beings should comply with but unfortunately a vast number of human wait for the silver platter.

A baobab tree is believed to be one of the strongest species of trees that can live hundreds of years but termites with their aspect of unity bring down the tree.

Alongside with other types of animals and insects who work hard in getting what they need in terms of food, water and other things, there are those animals that have great hard work but zero effort. Example is of the kind of ants that keep crawling around the mouth of a traditional pot, in pursue of what is inside of the pot but they end up going round and round the same circumference. Their hard work is great but they have no effort to get down inside the pot.

Parasites are many; those depending on other species to acquire their needs. An example is that of the ticks who keep depending on their hosts, each day moving from one host to another.

Nonetheless, there are animals that are lazy. Waiting for their food to appear right in front of their eyes is when they put that little effort to get hold of the food. This is exactly the same thing that happens in human beings. There are human beings who are like the bird, they believe, put in effort and venture out blindly without knowing what exactly they will find, but they have hope that their hard work will due be paid by God.

And just like the termites, we have the people or communities who work together in solidarity and thus they always are successful in what they do. They share ideas, help each other, support each other and the beauty of it all is that this shared efforts bring about love and harmony within the community.

The ant-like human beings are those that work hard but yet have no focus towards what they really want. It reminds me of a character by the name Popo in the book ‘Miguel Street’ in my university course who was a carpenter. He was always busy with the woods and one could see him really working and yet whenever he was asked what he was making, he would say ‘I am making the thing without a name.’ Popo ended up making nothing out of his hard work.

The parasites in human beings are so many. You could find a man lying in bed all day long hoping that food would get to him like manna or depending on his wife to go out and work and feed him and the family instead. Others are those that seat idle in the ‘maskani’ and whining all day that they got no jobs. Now how will you get the job if you don’t search for it? Others sit on the streets begging while others depend on their brothers to satisfy their needs and wants.

God brought us animals so they may be a teaching to us and so we may learn from their living. So in what category are you? The early bird, the confused ants, the termites or the parasites and the lazy ones? Think about it and learn to change accordingly. We only reap what we sow and where there is a will there is a way.