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MY OTHER HALF (PART 3)

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To read part 2, click on the following link: https://lubnah.me.ke/my-other-half-part-2/

Assalam aleykum warahmatu llah wabarakatuh 🙂

Had I known there would be a part 3, I would have written it last year in 2019, so that the gap between the letters are equal. The first was in 2015, then 2017, then now :/ The perfectionist me is a bit bothered by that. I also realized that I have the totally wrong title for this letter series. Should have been, ‘to my other 3/4’ because really, whom I’m kidding? I’m just a 1/4 human, so you gotta be 3/4 to complete me. You gotta be the bigger person. Huh, pun intended! 😀

Okay, wait. Let’s rewind a bit. CAN YOU BELIEVE WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC? It is crazy right?! I hope you are sane though? Hopefully coping okay with all that is happening? I am okay. Alhamdulilah 🙂 I was very alarmed at first. It was too overwhelming seeing everyone panicking and the too much misinformation wasn’t making it any easy. I am better now alhamdulilah. It is the empathetic side of me that is struggling more. There are a lot of emotions being laid out and I absorb everything like a sponge. This in turn makes me anxious sometimes. Anxious because now, people are too anxious. I’m used to being the most anxious person in the room 😀 But this too shall pass, aye?! I am just trying to avoid social media at the moment and too much news. Really hoping things only get better from here. Ameen.

I really hope you’re doing well though; catching dreams, flights and sunsets. I have grown since the last time I wrote to you; emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Physically? Not so much 😀 2020 especially started way too rough, but wasn’t it for everyone? Nonetheless, I’m still me. The same cry baby who wrote the first letter in 2015. I still watch murder documentaries and horror/thriller movies then ask one of my younger sisters to sleep with me because I’m too afraid. I still pace up and down for several minutes before taking a pill because pills give me anxiety of sorts. Sometimes I opt to take 4 tablespoons of baby liquid paracetamol than take the actual pills. I still go to my mum to comb my hair. I still cry when my friends forget about me or when someone raises their voice on me. I still cry in weddings, sometimes more than in funerals. Not the two tears of joy. I cry. Literally, sometimes until I get a flu. I am very weird. Very paradoxical. I am the most dumb & naive, smart person I know. I am also the strongest, most fragile person. Can you imagine I turned 26 today? I am literally a baby. Everyone knows that tears are my forte. My best friend Husna has said she’ll ensure that in my nikah contract I write ‘Don’t be mean to me’ and I want to add, ‘or else I’ll cry’ because really, that should scare you. It’s like dealing with a literal big baby. My other best friend Amina is betting that I’ll have no make up on my wedding not because I wouldn’t have applied but because I’d have cried way too much, people would think it is a forced marriage. You get the picture? 😀

But waiiiit!! About me being a literal baby, FLASH NEWS: I did not cry watching ‘Miracle in cell no 7’ (Watch it if you haven’t!) Can you believe that?!!! I’ve been telling it to everyone and anyone who bothers to listen. Saying it like it is a badge of bravery 😀 Someone said if you watched the ‘Miracle…’ movie and you didn’t cry then you’re an assassin. Well hallo, you’re looking at one 😀 I also didn’t cry when I read ‘The Kite Runner’ or even ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’. Quite the achievement I tell you. Howeveeerrr, few days after reading these, I had huge breakdowns over the smallest, most stupid reasons. I came to realize, sometimes, that I tend to postpone my crying till further notice; when I get a more sillier reason to cry. Like hit my toe on a door and cry for an hour about it. See? Paradoxical. I also realized my crying is like an art. I’m still trying to figure out my patterns 😀

I’m still terrified of the idea of divorce which in turn makes me terrified of marriage in the first place. The marriages crumbling around us are barely any consolation. For a very anxious person like me, uncertainty is our poison. Yet nonetheless, it makes me dig deeper into myself and be more keen on my choices in this life. Not just about marriage but everything else. I know some people think I am waiting for a fairy tale but trust me, I am very very aware of how reality is. And fairy tale is so far from it. Mwanzo the way I was too invested in Umm Abdullah and Hasanat’s seemingly perfect marriage, and what it turned out to be, mahn! I was too heart-broken I swear and even more sad for their reality *Insert too many tears*. Anyway, I guess such is life.

I have this colleague of mine who when he first read my first letter in 2015, was so excited because he had written something similar on his blog. He then narrated how his wife reacted when they got married and read the letters. She ransacked his entire blog, reading everrrything and asking about every girl that was mentioned on it 😀 They were a seemingly sweet couple. Five years down the line (after the conversation that is), they’re divorced. My heart sank when I heard about it. They’re both good people, but life happens. You can never know what will come your way tomorrow, a week from now or ten years later. It terrifies me how life is so temporary, unpredictable. You can NEVER claim that you have it figured out. Everyone is just stumbling through life and dealing with the snowballs rolling towards them. Throwback to when I was in high school and I’d see people in their mid-twenties, I’d marvel. I always thought ‘they have it figured out.’ The age where one has a job, is newly married and deeply in love, taking on adventures and life is just kicking off. I was so so wrong. I could never be more mistaken in my life. Adulthood is a scam. It is the heftiest slap on the face. Jokes on me 😀 Someone should have prepared me though! ( By the way, my colleague is happily remarried alhamdulilah. May Allah protect his marriage, bless it and make it long-lasting.ameen.)

So anyway, I met this lady, more than 10 years older than me. She is like the splitting image of me but personality wise. Very sensitive, very anxious, very compassionate, a very good writer, tiny like me…we even have similar health issues. Mind-blowing I tell you. It is almost like I met myself in the future. And you know, I see her seemingly happy in her marriage, with her grown children mashallah; they’re so adorable I could cry…Here’s the catch though; she is in a polygamous marriage!! When she told me about it I was like ‘whaaaatttt!! Hooooowww!!’ Cause I can’t imagine myself in one honestly I’d die so please don’t get ideas 😀 What’s even harder, is that she is the first wife! Her response was simply, ‘My husband is a good man’ and my heart melted at how she said it. She did admit it was tough but they made it through. I am still A.M.A.Z.E.D. mashallah mashallah may Allah keep blessing their marriage. Ameen. It gives me hope though; that people like me can be happy after all despite all the noise in the head.

To be honest, I am not where I want to be spiritually. I struggle. A lot. Mostly because of the anxiety. It makes you seek control. You have this desperate need to be the captain of the ship and control the direction of the wind too. Which is impossible. I am still learning and unlearning so many things. I am accepting of how too flawed I am. I am accepting that I still have a lot to work on on myself. I had this classmate in university, whom I really look up to. He was always so laid back. So much so, you’d think he’s entirely unbothered. But he wasn’t. He just never allowed matters to get to his skin. Whether it was the pressure from the lecturers and university projects, whether it was people mocking him, whether it was things not going as planned. A project that I would stress about for an entire month, he would plan himself keenly and do it in one week. No, don’t be mistaken. This wasn’t just someone who was playing around. This was someone who knew exactly how much importance to give any matter because, well, he was always top in class and he was the only other person who got first class honors besides me in our lot.

When I ponder over how I dealt with my university studies versus how he did, it was the extreme opposite. I would get panic attacks or even cry right before an exam sometimes. Yet he would never let anything disturb his peace of mind. Throughout the years in the same class, I never ever heard him complain about his personal life. He would complain about the lecturers or the challenges (just the usual, small stuff) but never about his personal life. I doubt anyone in our class knew much about his life. After graduation, while the rest of us were worried and stressing over getting jobs, you know what he was up to? Walking around his neighbourhood, taking brilliant images and editing them. When anyone would ask him how he could afford to be so relaxed, he would say, ‘I already sent my CVs. Now I can only wait.’ He did eventually get a job, a good one mashallah and it was as if he always knew he’d get it.

During this quarantine period, my mate is busy making happy and silly videos, recreating images and making memes despite being far from his family. As an avid complainer and a highly sensitive person, I learnt a lot about choosing my battles just from observing him. I know for sure he too has problems of his own, but he always had that utmost belief and optimism in life. I always yearned for that kind of peace (May Allah keep blessing him and grant him tranquility always. ameen). I still yearn for that kind of peace. I think if I master the art of ‘choosing battles’ then i’ll be way ahead in life. That is the goal.

I’m learning a lot just by observing people to be honest. That kind of education no one will ever teach you. There’s always something to learn from every single human being, even if not a positive thing, you learn about a negative thing to avoid doing. So yes, I’m still feeding on human stories. They shape me greatly and have been a huge part of my growth. I’m also still studying alhamdulilah (yes, neeerddd! 😀 )

Imagine Ramadhan is just a few days away. I’m deeply sad about the world right now. It will be a very strange Ramadhan while people in lock-down. Imagine watching taraweh in empty Makkah and Madina 🙁 I hope this pandemic ends soon wallahy. So many people are affected. So many people are struggling. So I’m praying that by eid all this will be over, at least people can have some part of ramadhan back in the masjid, may He help us all and protect us. Ameen. Try to make the best out of this Ramadhan as I strive to do as well biidhnillah. Also, you should try watch ‘Qalby Etmaan’ on youtube this Ramadhan cause Ghayth is absolutely my hero when it comes to charity and he inspires me too much *I am still crying*. Perhaps he’d inspire you too!

Do include me in your prayers please, 26 looks scary to be honest. But turning one year older, I am also very very grateful. For my amazing parents, for my dear family, for my very lovely friends, for the blessings from Allah. I never take these things for granted. And the more I grow up, the more I appreciate their presence and all the love. Alhamdulilah ala kul hal. Hoping you join the team soon enough 😉 Ameen. About that, by the way, you are wasting such an opportune moment because with this quarantine, it is the best time to do a nikah. We’d just have gone to the kadhi and skipped all that chaos of the normal weddings 😀 But oh well, everything happens at its time I guess.

Just a disclaimer as we wind up, I sought the permission of the above people mentioned before writing about them, so don’t you assume I’m a snitch 😀

I am hoping there won’t be a part 4 because I am getting too old and hopefully you’d be around before I ever have to. If I’m writing another letter then it should be to my husband 😀 In shaa Allah. Stay safe wherever you are.

Till we meet in shaa Allah 🙂

P.S I now realize this was too long. It’s been three years anyway, we’re compensating 😀

Sending you Love and Light,

Lubnah with an ‘H’.

***

Thank you for reading 🙂 Kindly subscribe and stay tuned for the Ramadhan special edition in shaa Allah. I am also starting a Ramadhan fundraising in shaa Allah to support a family of 5 , who are deeply affected by the corona virus. The father is in the transport business which is now in pause till after corona. Ramadhan is coming, and they have bills to pay with no other way to earn their livelihood. Kindly do support me in this project as well by sending to my mpesa: 0704 731 560 (Lubnah Said). I love you all for the sake of Allah. Please take care wherever you are!

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Creative Non-Fiction

MY HAPPY PERSON 2

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It’s a tricky time to write because almost always and somehow, the topic ends up at Corona virus. Alafu you Kenyans, what is this joke of dancing to a coffin?!! 😀 I swear Kenyans amuse me. But then, we all have different coping mechanisms right? For Kenyans, it is memes. Kenyans is Me 😀

So you guys remember My Happy Person right? He grew up. ‘Hassan’ (not his real name but because my dad kinda loves this name and because Hassan from kite runner is my most favourite fictional character of ALL TIMES!!!) is now four years old and is totally adoooorable!! Also, he started school and madrasa. Remember when we joked how I’d be the one to take him to school once he joined because he ‘disliked’ me passionately and wouldn’t even cry for me if I left him there? Well guess what? On the D-day, I didn’t accompany him because my heart was literally aching at the thought of how much he’d cry. Weak heart, I know 😀 He is a super cry baby so we all know how that went. However, to our utmost surprise, by the third day he had already adapted. He wasn’t crying anymore. He would wake up at fajr like an adult, demand for a book and pencil to write on, and repeat several times ‘school’ because he can’t just wait to get there. We were shook y’all. We thought he’d cry for an entire week AT LEAST. But here he was!

By the third week of school, my boy was famous. When he’d just arrive at the vicinity of the school, his classmates would start chanting, ‘YELLOW! YELLOW! YELLOW!’ Now here are some random facts:

*He still doesn’t know how to speak apart from some few words.

*He uses colour codes to describe what he wants.

He really is addicted to juice, which happens to be yellow in colour. So whenever he’d want the juice, he’d say Yellow instead. I guess that is how his classmates ended up nicknaming him Yellow. We were concerned he’d be bullied at school because of his difficulty in speech but to our surprise, he turned out to be the ‘cool kid’. I don’t know why or how, but everyday we’d take him to his class and everyone starts chorusing his name, everyone calling him to their table, some making space for him to sit, some showing him their snacks, God! It is overwhelming even for me to watch. He is an anxious kid himself so you can imagine the discomfort of being the center of attention 😀 I think he is also adapting to that, perhaps even liking it a little bit. I see how he has this hidden-yet-not-so-subtle smile creeping on his lips. It is nice to be seen.

The once very annoying kid now gives me full hugs and kisses and doesn’t mind to sleep with me and sometimes just randomly walks into my room, calls out my name then rumbles things i’d never understand. Oh and yes! He even says ‘I love you’ back 😀 Y’all better say mashallah, took me nearly 4 years of complaining a lot and forcing my love on him till he accepted it. This reminds me, there were times i’d sit with him, patting his hair and say, ‘May Allah protect you, say ameen’ He would say ‘Ameen’. ‘May Allah guide you, say ameen’ ‘Ameen’. And we would go on like that until I say ,’May Allah make you love me’ and he would LEGIT KEEP QUIET!!! Or even worse, walk away *Inserts weeping emojis* But then I guess love wins after all huh?!

Now we have another soldier in the house. Hassan’s younger brother. He is taller, more built than Hassan. He walks on his toes, literally and he is always trying to do some engineering. His hobby is picking screws and nails and any tools and just inserting them within any hole he sees in the house. That includes your torn clothe, if you put it on, next thing you have a nail poking you. His nick name is Hanuni. I call him Halimi so that when he grows up he can say he is ‘Halimi McDreamy’ (if you know, you know 😀 )Also, I tend to have special, separate nicknames for my loved ones *Grins* So Halimi is a hyper energetic one, mashallah. He has so much energy I think he most probably will end up in sports, or we will persuade him to do so because wow. so much energy. Hassan is sometimes scared of him because he hits him. So the kind of scenario you’ll find at home is Hassan running around screaming ‘Hanuni! Hanuni! Ma Hanuni!’ He is legit being bullied by his younger brother.

Halimi doesn’t like me much either. He is mostly throwing tantrums and being an angry bird. He used to call me ‘Dudii’ and now he calls me ‘Bulii’ like I am the bully?! He frequently walks into my room and pushes the door wide open till it hits the wall hard (yeah see what I mean by so much energy?) Then he walks in like a big boss, on his toes and looks around for anything to dismantle. And because my room is typically nerdy with so many books and study material, we have this game whereby whenever he walks in I start chasing him. Okay it wasn’t a game initially. I was seriously letting him out of the room so he doesn’t ruin my stuff but then he turned it into a game. So it typically goes two ways:

He pushes the door wide open, walks in and starts touching stuff. Mostly the earphones because he loves removing those tiny rubbers on them then either putting them in his mouth or just running away with them. And I follow him, pissed! while he is laughing, going to a corner to hide. Or sometimes as soon as he walks in and I turn my head towards him, he laughs then runs away.

On other occasions, as soon as I see him, I take him out of the room, close the door and while he is complaining, I tell him I love him. His mother always remarks, ‘What a way to love him, by chasing him away :D’

I pretty much envision Halimi protecting his brother in the future. Hassan is so compassionate and sweet right now, your heart would melt. Halimi is more charming and brave. I love them both too much. Anyway, I hope two years from now i’ll once again come here and tell you how much more Halimi loves me then. But anyway, he does love me even now because he has made my bedroom floor his favourite lying down place. Or maybe he just loves my room 😀 Let us wait till he starts talking then we ask him in shaa Allah.

Both boys are more attached to the male in our family, so they love my brother a lot, it makes me really jealous. My brother just has to exist and they love him so much mashallah (thu thu thu 😀 ) Like when they’d just hear his voice they go to the door, Halimi calls him ‘Sidoo’ in such a sweet way, and they’d hug him and literally feed him like he is the baby and they’d want to be carried by him. Come to my case now, I sometimes have to beg for a hug y’all *Weeping a river* I guess some of us just didn’t get the love luck y’all 😀

They make me happy. Like genuinely, whole-heartedly happy. They talk gibberish which is hilarious to listen to and they make everything so much lovelier! I could be in the worst of moods, about to have a nervous breakdown but they still melt my heart. May Allah protect them both! ameen! 😀

I shared these two little angels with you because to be honest, I don’t know how else to make it easier or lighter during such a tricky time. But I hope the 5, or is it 3 minutes you spent reading this will bring a smile on your face.

It is not dark and gloom my people. There is good and joy and love in this life. Please take it easy on yourself. Pray a lot. For my anxious fam, this too shall pass. Have firm faith that Allah is in control and will for sure protect and guide us. Ameen. Stay safe! Don’t forget to smile! 🙂

***

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Mental Health

THE LANGUAGE OF COMPASSION DURING CONFLICT

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Most people underestimate the power of words and language in our daily lives and how it eventually influences the path we tread on. In the heat of a moment, sometimes we say what we don’t mean, and think that ‘sorry’ will suffice at the end of the day. But what if, just what if, we decided to be more careful with what and how we speak in the first place? How can we still show love and compassion towards our partners and family during a conflict?

Doctor Gottman, an American psychological researcher and clinician who did extensive work over four decades on divorce prediction and marital stability, founded ‘The Love Lab’. He is known for his 90% accuracy in predicting divorce and has provided us with four primary predictors of divorce called ‘ Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse‘. These four are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.  

Criticism: When someone criticizes their partner, it implies that something is wrong with them or that you are attacking their character. In this case, one focuses on winning the argument or proving the partner wrong. For example, when you say, ‘You never do this…’, ‘Why are you like this…’, ‘You’re always….’, the spouse feels attacked and elicits a defensive response. The right way is to make a complaint about your spouse’s behaviour and not attack their personality. For example, when X happened, I felt Y, and I need Z.

Contempt: This is the worst predictor of divorce. Contempt is any statement of nonverbal behavior that puts you on a higher ground than your partner. This could be mocking your partner, calling him/her names, hostile humour, hurtful sarcasm etc. It attacks your spouse’s sense of self. It is also intended to put down or emotionally abuse or manipulate him or her. Instead, the couple should build a culture of respect, appreciation, tolerance and kindness in the relationship.

Defensiveness: This is an attempt to defend yourself from a perceived attack with a countercomplaint. Another way is to act like a victim or whine. This can look like making excuses (e.g., external circumstances beyond your control forced you to act in a certain way). Saying things like “It’s not my fault,” or “I didn’t …” can also be cross-complaining, such as meeting your partner’s complaint or criticism with a complaint of your own or ignoring what your partner said. Couples are expected to take a moment, slow down and listen attentively to what their partner is saying without interrupting them. The point is: have conscious communication where you are both trying to understand what the other is saying and choosing the right way to respond.

Stonewalling: The silent treatment. Storming out. Shutting down. Changing the subject. Complete withdrawal from communication. All these are acts of stonewalling. It is a strategy we use to avoid conflict. This might be an, albeit unsuccessful, attempt to calm oneself when overwhelmed. However, a better way to deal with such situations is to learn to identify the signs that you or your partner is starting to feel emotionally overwhelmed. It’s a good idea to verbalize that you feel overwhelmed. You can both agree to take a break and that the conversation will resume when you are both calmer.

Apart from these predictors of divorce or separation, there are some patterns or behaviour that sometimes cause further conflict without being fully aware of it.

We are all wired differently, right? Different backgrounds, different personalities, different cultures, races, behaviours etc. As such, it is normal that we experience life and all our emotions differently. It will be quite illogical to think that our way of thinking or living is the ONLY right way to do it. This will just cause conflict and misunderstandings. As such, couples are advised to take time and understand each other’s love languages and work towards compromise rather than conflict.

Below are some main differences among couples and how they can reach a middle ground and understanding.

1. Independence 1st vs Togetherness 1st

Some people are more comfortable and relaxed working alone or being alone rather than interacting with others. One spouse could be more family oriented than the other. Perhaps one involves their parents/siblings in their lives while others prefer dealing with their issues by themselves as a couple.

Someone who values independence first might get irritated or frustrated when they do not get enough alone time. Or when a conflict arises, they NEED personal space. Here it is not a matter of wanting anymore, it is a NEED. That means, that if they don’t get their personal space ASAP, it will make them more anxious and stressed.

Togetherness first, needs more interaction with others and may become anxious when the partner is not readily available. They always seek comfort. They NEED to know that everything is okay. They need that emotional contact to relax, and the lack of it might cause further anxiousness.

When conflict arises, these two may get upset when their coping mechanism is not met by their partner.

Independence-First talking to Togetherness-first: “You are too needy! I can’t read your mind just tell me what you want!”

“You are selfish for always wanting attention”

Togetherness-First talking to Independence-first: “You just run off when we have to talk about something important!” 

“This doesn’t feel like a relationship, we are not a team!” 

“You are selfish for only caring about yourself!”

2. Slow to Upset vs. Readily Upset

Slow to upset people get anxious when there is conflict. They would rather remain silent to avoid further escalation of conflict. They stay calm to control the situation. They feel better about diffusing their upset feelings.

Readily upset need to speak up right away when something isn’t right. They feel that conflict and arguments are normal and for them, speaking up about their upset feelings helps them calm down.

Slow to upset talking to readily upset: “You throw temper tantrums anytime you don’t get something your way.” 

“Nothing is ever good enough for you, you are just always negative.”

Readily Upset talking to slow-upset: “You just cover up your true feelings just to avoid conflict.” 

“You just want to pretend like everything is okay.”

3. Problem Solving 1st vs. Understanding 1st

Problem-solving 1st people seek to deal with the situation by finding an appropriate plan for it. They don’t seek sympathy or validation from their partner. They don’t see the point in discussing feelings over what happened. They think, ‘Something wrong has happened, what do we do next?’

Understanding 1st feels instantly better when they get a little understanding from their partner. They feel soothed when they get a little support and compassion. For such people, acknowledging their emotions or the intentions underlying their actions is important. What Type of understanding is understanding first people looking for? It’s a matter of timing, it is not that they don’t want a solution, it is just they feel understanding comes first, then looking for a solution.

Problem-Solving talking to Understanding-first: “You just want to complain but never do anything to make things better” 

“You just want to be upset! Maybe you just like feeling miserable”

Understanding-First to Problem-solving first: “You don’t care how I feel, you just want to pretend as if nothing happened.”

“You just want to sweep your feelings under the rug.

What then can couples do to ensure more understanding?

1. Write down which core difference you are and which your partner is

2. Think of a specific time where this caused a conflict between you and your spouse.

3. Accept the idea that both of you have legitimate ways of relaxing

4. Stretch your comfort levels a bit so may give and take in a way where each of you gets your needs at least partially met. Write down what you can say and do to find a compromise.

No one can say one way of navigating life is better or more correct than the other. We are all different. The important thing is to understand the other person’s view and stand. You can’t always expect your spouse to cross over to your sideline. Sometimes, according to the situation, you give them the space they need and sometimes, they give you the attention you need. They say love isn’t always what makes marriages stronger…it is the understanding, compromises, compassion, mercy and forgiveness. Take the time to learn how your partner functions and copes during conflict. Be kind. Be understanding. Be compassionate. There has never been a shortcut to a successful marriage, has there?

Despite this being mostly about couples and marriage, this information is useful for any other kind of relationship or interaction as well!

REFERENCES:

  1. Notes by Dr Usman Mughni, MS, LMFTA, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.
  2. https://www.verywellmind.com/four-scientific-predictors-of-divorce-4045691
  3. https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-warning-signs-marriage-therapists-use-to-predict-divorce/
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Inspiration

VULNERABILITY IS NOT A DEFECT

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I see you. I see you stare hard into your mirror till your reflection blurs. I see you follow the green veins protruding on your arm till they disappear somewhere just before your elbow. I see the sadness in your eyes. The deep, deep sadness in your eyes.

There’s this saying that goes like, “The Eyes are the window to your soul”. I believe this saying was meant for you. Because your eyes, your eyes have seen what most never have. Your eyes are a world of its own.

I see you wear your heart on your sleeves every morning as you walk out into the perfect storm. You do this every single day. Tirelessly. Repeatedly. And in the evening, you come back with your heart worn off. Filled with scratches, tears and slits from all the beasts you encounter in the wilderness. I see you sit on the cold floor, hugging yourself in between tears, slowly caressing your wounds. You lick them till the redness fades away. And you go to sleep, scared to death, with a heavy heart, really really overwhelmed brain…yet, the next day, I see you do it all over again; wear your tattered heart like it is brand new again. Into the wilderness. Into the storm. With a beautiful smile on your face. To fight like you’ve never done before. To absorb all the emotions you encounter; the pain, the misery, the joy and the love. Oh! the love!

I truly believe that you’re really brave; no exaggerations I promise. I believe that it takes a really huge heart, a very resilient human to be just what you naturally are.

I watch you. I watch you lay down the stones, leading the way to the ocean. I watch you welcome every Jane, Julia and Jessica to view the spectacular scenery. The serene ocean. The beautiful sunset. The standing-tall palm trees. I watch as they step on the stones you just laid down, sinking them into the wet sand. I watch you as everyone leaves. As everyone hurts you.

I see you open up your chest widely apart, at the middle of the road, for everyone to see what’s inside you; daring people to come closer, touch your brokenness. I see you speak your truth, honestly, maybe too honestly, it numbs those around you. I see you hand out love like free Christmas gifts as everyone stares on. I see you cry, heart-wrenching sort of cry, the is-she-crazy sort of cry.

They think you’re like a broken tap; emotions oozing out of you like a river. ‘Aint those a little too much?’ they ask.
‘Shouldn’t you be a little bit stronger?’

I watch you crumble as people stare at you. As people question your sanity. As people call you weak.

“You should hold it back.
Trim down the honesty.
Reveal only a very tiny bit of yourself.
My God! DO NOT LOVE HARD LIKE THAT!!!
You need to build that wall within you.
Who cares about being raw anyway?!
Bring down those emotions a notch.
Why do you allow yourself to care that much?!
How do you expect people not to hurt you when you let them in too deep?”

I watch you as people make you question, ‘what is wrong with me?’

I watch you fight the battle within you. That only you will ever see. I watch you shower happiness into people, like you never needed it. I watch you over-pour yourself into people’s cups. I watch you care. I watch you extend the goodness in you to those around you. I watch you love like there’s no tomorrow. I watch you touch souls. I watch you attend to others’ wounds. I watch you empathize. Change lives. Make it better for everyone. I watch you soldier on, despite all they say and do to you. I watch you adapt and learn. I watch you feel. I watch you open up to the world like a flower, ready to bloom. I watch you take the risk, every single day, to be your true self. To own up to your mistakes. To reach out to others. To be genuine. Authentic. Raw. And brave, very very brave.

I don’t care what they say, I believe vulnerability is not a defect.

I see you.

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Creative Non-Fiction

PIECES OF MY HEART (PART 1)

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Image Courtesy: https://www.bookurve.com

I am not an avid reader. There, I said it! In broad daylight! (Or rather, in dark nightlight 😀 ) Do nerds do honor killing as well? Coz I could be the next victim of a ‘ruthless word-murder case on twitter.’ It is always on twitter, right? However, I am a big believer of quality over quantity (See my excuse 😀 ) I love taking time with books so that I can really absorb and ponder what’s in it. Also, overthink about everything in it, the sequel if there was any, feel the pain of the characters excessively to a fault and take time to heal too lol. The only books I don’t keep down are the thriller/crime/mystery books (which are my favourites by the way) because I totally love how they keep me on the edge. Sometimes though, we have the reallllyyy moving books that are just too profound to keep down, those too. Otherwise, I’m not rushing anywhere. Quality reading y’all! (P.S I really respect avid readers. I admire their deep commitment).

Good Lord. We have some really A.M.A.Z.I.N.G books out there and picking the best ones is really a task. Nonetheless, here are my top books that I’ve read so far:

Please note that there may be a feeew spoilers here!

1. THE KITE RUNNER BY KHALED HOSSEINI

I LOVE THIS BOOK. I LOVE KHALED HOSSEINI. And to date there is no single book I have ever read that made me feel what I feel about the Kite Runner or even Khaled Hosseini’s works. He is the absolute best writer ever. Don’t argue with me!

The Kite Runner is a coming-of-age story revolving around Amir (who longs deeply for his father’s affection), his best friend Hassan, Hassan’s father Ali (who is the servant of Amir’s family) and the very tragic war in Afghanistan. Amir and Hassan share an extra-ordinary bond of friendship and love but the unthinkable happens when Amir betrays his childhood best friend at a very critical moment (no spoilers!) They eventually separate when Amir immigrates with his father to US. The story has a huge plot twist, a very sad one,towards the end of the story concerning the two boys.

This book is very sweet, and heart-breaking, and sad, and heart-warming and very moving at the same time. An emotional roller coaster. And perhaps I love it deeply because the story-line concentrates a lot on friendship, something I really value. It has a special place in my heart and I never lend this book to anyone unless I REALLY trust you because ‘I AM GIVING YOU A PIECE OF MY HEART’ 😀 It is one of those books you finish reading and you HATE that you are done with it, yet you are crying and you hate that it made you cry but you still text your friend and say, ‘You MUST read this book. 11/10 recommend!’

Honestly, Khaled Hosseini is my writing guru. Ultimately, I hope that one day I can write and move mountains within people like he does with his stories (and in real life too!! He does a lot of projects helping refugees!!)

2. A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS BY KHALED HOSSEINI

YES!! HIM AGAIN!! And when you read the book you will understand why.

This book will STING you to the core. The story revolves around two women; Mariam and Laila.

Mariam is the illegitimate daughter of a wealthy businessman which makes her and her mother, Nana as outcasts. Mariam loves her father dearly and yearns to live with him at all times. However, this desire leads to her mother’s death and eventually her forced marriage. On the other galaxy, is Laila, a young girl loses both her parents due to a stray rocket during the soviet union invasion in Afghanistan. Laila loses her best friend too, Tariq whose family decides to move to Pakistan.

An unexpected twist happens when Mariam’s husband decides to marry the young Laila as his second wife since Mariam had failed to conceive. The two women don’t get along at first but they eventually realize they are both on the same side.

The story is about their huge struggles as women, instances where society fails them in a terrible way and how fate brings them together to become co-wives. The story has themes on fate, war, marriage, domestic violence, machoism, the plight of the girl child, culture, family and mostly love; the struggles that Laila and Tariq experience (don’t ask me if they meet again. READ THE BOOK!!), in pursuit of their happy ending. This book will make you CRY (or maybe I just cry a lot lol) but either way you will have that kiazi on your throat in several instances in the book. It is a master-piece. A tragic one but a really beautiful one nonetheless.

You can thank me later!!

3. A TEMPORARY GIFT BY ASMAA HUSSEIN

Amr Kassem a 26 year old man, was murdered in 2013 while going home after a peaceful protest in Alexandria, Egypt.  Him and the many other people were rallying against the mass injustices under the command of AbdelFattah al-Sisi. He left behind his very heart-broken widow, Asmaa and their daughter Ruqaya. The book consists of journal entries of his widow, Asmaa, two years after his death. The book is sweet, heart-warming (concerning the two as a couple), spiritual but mostly heart-breaking. The intensity of it is on another level. I however love how despite the deep darkness, Asmaa was always seeking God and light. She would find the courage to trust that God’s plan is the best.  It is definitely a spiritually uplifting book that will be a game-changer for so many people.

The book talks on love, marriage, fate, death, deep grief, faith, and outstanding patience.

By the way, this is a true story, not fiction. You can check out her page on Instagram @ruqayas.bookshelf or her website: ruqayasbookshelf.com in which this book is sold as well. Help a widow by buying her book y’all 🙂

4. THE BOOK THIEF BY  MARKUS ZUSAK

First, this book is very unique because DEATH is the narrator in the book (Imagine hearing Death’s point of view of people and life!) He tells the story of Liesel, a young girl who has a traumatic experience of losing her younger brother during their journey to the Hans family (which adopts her) and thereafter losing her mother who leaves never to return. Liesel steals several books in the story, thus becoming ‘the book thief’ and it is this deep love of books that eventually saved her from death.

The family that adopted her was of Hans Hubermann and Rosa, who she doesn’t like much at first. The story happens during the world war II in Germany and despite them not being Jewish, they do not agree with the Nazi regime. They then hide a Jewish boy, Max, in their basement to protect him, who thereafter becomes very fond of young Liesel.

Liesel also forms a special friendship with Rudy Steiner, who impacts her life in a huge way. Their bond is highlighted in a large part of the book which makes it very intriguing.

The story takes a slow move at first and takes a while before it catches up speed (It is a big book). I almost underestimated it because I am not a big fan of slow moving stories, however, I am very glad to have given Markus a chance and read his work to the end.

I believe this is one of the most powerful books ever written. Liesel will steal your heart with her innocence, her pain, her love for books and her sweet nature. The story revolves around war, love, kindness, books, friendship and cruelty.

5. TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE BY MITCH ALBOM

This is a memoir of a student, Mitch and his ailing professor, Morrie who is diagnosed with ALS (a disease that causes the death of neurons controlling voluntary muscles). Upon knowledge of his professor’s ailment, 16 years after his graduation, he visits him and spends valuable time with him. For the next fourteen weeks, Mitch visits Morrie every Tuesday and they discuss issues like death, self-pity, family, marriage, aging, and a wide variety of other topics. We get to experience death alongside Morrie whose health deteriorates over the weeks but in the meanwhile, learn very valuable lessons that Mitch learns from him.

I say this is a book of wisdom, especially considering this is a true story. The bond between teacher and student is very beautiful and from the two, you learn truths about life and you are challenged too. This is the kind of book you sit with a pencil or a highlighter because it is a journey worth noting down.

There are many many books I want to talk about and deserve to be talked about but I chose this because I learn a lot from the above mentioned. I also now realize all these are rather ‘sad’ stories, but good news is, it is TOTALLY worth the tears. Enjoy!!

P.S. Part 2 will be more exciting stories I promise! In shaa Allah.

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Deen (Religion)

RAMADHAN EDITION: AYAHS THAT MELT THE HEART (2)

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I find the words in the Qur’an to be so mesmerizing, so profound they can cause you a shiver from its depth. Picking my favourite ayahs has been really hard because I find the entire book to be very intense. Every verse comes with a yet better heart felt message than the previous. Yet, here is what I came up with at the end.

1.

The ayah focuses on the people Allah loves who are the doers of good.
First, we learn that there are two kinds of charity; one that you give when you have surplus and another when you give while you barely have anything yourself. This shows the importance of charity for every mankind but without putting one in distress (taklif) for it. For the rich, so that they can get rid of the greed within themselves and for the less rich, to be more selfless towards other human beings.

Abu Huraira reported: A man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, which charity has the greatest reward?” The Prophet said, “That you give charity while you are healthy, feeling greedy, fearing poverty, and hoping to be rich. Do not delay giving until you are on your deathbed, then say give to such a person. It already belongs to that person.” (Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1353)

In another hadith, the prophet peace be upon him says,”The best of all charity is when the one with little strives to give; start with those you are responsible for.” [Hakim, Sahih] This also stresses the importance of looking after your family first before extending your charity to other people. As the saying goes, ‘charity begins at home’, and truly, what is the point of helping the entire world while your own people sleep hungry and struggle alone?

Then the ayah goes on to mention that Allah loves those who restrain their anger, forgive and are merciful to other human beings. If only we applied this verse into our daily lives…half of our conflicts would be non-existent. If only we were more understanding of the human nature and merciful towards one another. There is a story concerning this that I really love.

“One day Ja’far As-Sadiq wanted to perform ablution, he asked his slave to pour water on his hands from a jug. As the slave began to pour the water, some of it spleashed onto Ja’far’s garment, which resulted in Ja’far giving his slave a reproachful look. Fearing punishment, the servant said:

وَالۡكٰظِمِيۡنَ الۡغَيۡظَ

‘Those Who repress their anger’

Ja’far said reassuringly, ‘I have repressed my anger.’

وَالۡعَافِيۡنَ عَنِ النَّاسِ​ؕ

‘And those who pardon men’, said the slave.

‘I have indeed pardoned you,’ said Ja’far.

وَاللّٰهُ يُحِبُّ الۡمُحۡسِنِيۡنَ​ۚ‏

‘Verily Allah loves the good doers,’ said the slave expectantly.

‘Go. You are free from the countenance of Allah and you may take from my wealth 1000 dinars.’

(Excerpt from the book: ‘Glimpses of the lives of the righteous people’)

May Allah make us among the good doers. Ameen.

 

2.

Life is always going to be a bumpy ride. There will always be moments whereby we struggle to understand what is happening or what we should do or just feeling like our world is coming to an end. However pious one is, we all need reassurance. We all need someone, something to remind us that such is life, that things will eventually get better. Because this life will never be thunder and storms all the time. Sometimes there is a peaceful breeze and a beautiful sun. There is always a balance. No one’s life is entirely darkness nor is there someone experiencing 24/7 unlimited access to happiness. In these moments, Allah (S.W.) tells the believers that remembering Him is what brings tranquility to the soul. It is in remembering him that we are reassured.

3.

Every other day, we lose something in our lives. Could be something we hold dear; a person, an opportunity, a job, our loved ones…but here Allah (S.W) promises us something. That so long as there’s a seed of goodness with you, however small, He will grant you something better than what He has taken from you. He doesn’t say, ‘If Allah knows of a huge amount of goodness in you…’ He says ‘ANY GOOD’. That shows how merciful Allah is. He will be there for you despite your wrongdoings, your negligence of the deen, despite your flaws…He will give you something you never imagined having. So grieve not dear heart, for your Lord is a great Lord.

 

4.

Have you ever sat by yourself and reflected on your life and thought, ‘I don’t deserve jannah?’ The sins seems to be too many. The past seems so dark, full of mistakes and regrets. You keep slipping back to sins over and over and over again. You repent over and over and over and Allah forgives you. But then you just keep falling again and again. That is the human nature. We will never be infallible. We all have things we are not proud of. We all have mistakes we wish we could undo. But here Allah (S.W) is reminding us that He is THEE MOST MERCIFUL and that however many your sins are, He is ready to forgive you if you repent. So never despair. Never think that your sins are too big for His mercy. You have a chance. I have a chance. We all have a chance to start afresh and change our lives for the better.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent.” (Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2499)

5.

The entire Surat Luqman is definitely one of the best chapters in the Qur’an (Especially when recited with a qar’i like Islam Sobhi :p ). But more so, is the advice of Luqman to his son which is like a life skills session of its own.

يَٰبُنَىَّ أَقِمِ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأْمُرْ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَٱنْهَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَٱصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَصَابَكَ ۖ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ ٱلْأُمُورِ (١٧)
O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.

وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا ۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ (١٨)
And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful.

‘And be patient over what befalls you…’ I find this specific part to be have so much depth in it. The ayahs are quite straightforward and Luqman aleyhi ssalam’s wisdom is worth adhering to.

Please take a moment to go through the entire surah with its translation, and learn more in shaa Allah.

***

Let us meet here next week in shaa Allah for the third part of the series. In the mean time, I hope you’re having a great ramadhan and that you are using your time well. And because I want us to spend our time wisely, here’s a youtube series to watch after your ibaadah. It is the best series to restore your faith in humanity and it has daily episodes with English subtitles.

Here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTYNerRYjdiyRNR6LgRmOOQ

If you don’t know of it, thank me later! Or rather, include me in your duas 🙂

***

In another important news, we are trying to assist a brother pay his outstanding university fee balance of 91,730/= of three semesters. He pays for his own fees and thus lacks support. Kindly let us join hands and help with whatever little we can to clear his debt so he can resume classes and have access to exams. We will be conducting this fundraising for this entire week till next Saturday in shaa Allah. Mpesa no: 0704 731 560 (Lubnah). Yallah, Bismillah.

“Whoever alleviates (the situation of) one in dire strauts who cannot repay his debt, Allah will alleviate his lot in both this world and in the hereafter.” (Muslim)

Don’t forget to subscribe and share! Thank you and sawm maqbul!

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Inspiration

BLISS

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When I was a child, I wanted to be like the Palestinian kid. I sympathized with them a lot but more than that, I adored them. Their resilience, their bravery, their courage to come face to face with death, with the enemy. To stand up for what they truly believe in. I think they are phenomenal. These were my heroes; these kids. Then when I grew up with a faint heart, I decided maybe the next best thing is to adopt one of them someday; a Palestinian or Syrian child. It still is a dream.

When the Ethiopian plane crash happened, I really really tried not to write about it. Because everyone was. It was all over the social media. It still is. And with my faint heart, I thought, we need a breathing moment. Just a second to breathe. So I tried to avoid the media as much as I could. Yet still, the same night I dreamt I was in the plane crash. See? Faint heart. Before I could let that incident sink in, the New Zealand bombing happened. This definitely was a worse blow because it was an act of cruel, ruthless human beings. It was agitating and heartbreaking. So again, I actively avoided my laptop. I didn’t want to rant about how depressing and agonizing this world is. Because well, who doesn’t know it already?

So I’ve been having this comforting thought that I clinged on a drowning man holding onto a straw. Jannah. Paradise. You know, most times we dwell on how terrifying this world is (which it truly is), we forget of Allah’s promise to us. What’s yet to come if we believe and are patient.

I find it comforting to think of a day when we’ll meet our loved ones who departed and left this world before us. Imagine the first moment you see one another; the joy, the excitement, the thrill. Unbelievable, we all made it! You start updating them of all that happened in their absence. You hug and rejoice. You talk at length. You hug more.

Here are your besties seated with you under the largest, most beautiful tree you can ever imagine, its branches swinging swiftly, filling your lungs with fresh air. You are laughing than you ever did in your previous life. Laughing until your stomach aches. All of you are reminiscing of the moments you had in this life. Moments when you wanted to give up on life, on God, on people. Moments when you just wanted to die because what’s the point? But here you are?! And there is food of course. All kinds of food you are so confused what to eat and what not. But it’s the good kind of confusion. Not the one where you are unsure where to eat a rotten cow’s flesh or the leftovers in the trash bin. The exhilarating kind of confusion. You are seeing food you never knew existed. The taste is too sweet to be true. You are so overwhelmed with joy you want to scream ‘foooooooddddd.’

Across the garden is your mother and father seated on huge seats that befit the royalties. They are happy. You can see it from how your mother’s face is glowing and how your father is smiling. Tears form in your eyes because it is like a dream. You always wanted this for them. This kind of bliss. This kind of peace. And there they are, earning what they truly deserve by the Mercy of Allah.

You remember a friend of yours that you haven’t yet met in Paradise so an angel directs you to another garden where you’d find them. And there they are, seated next to sahabas listening to their stories while they laugh. A river passes next to them and tiny green birds fly above them. You see their palace. You are almost jealous. They are in a different level of paradise than you are. The good kind of jealous though. Your friend sees you and you embrace tightly. You take a moment to feel the embrace.
‘What more did you do than I did?!’ You whisper in their ears as you smile.
‘What’s the fun in telling you? The suspense is more fun,’ they laugh. And then you both laugh.
‘But you are always welcome you know. No one will stop you,’ they tease you some more. You embrace again and they invite you to join their seating and listen to the real heroes.

At your next stop you meet nabii Yunus and you are so curious to ask him about the view inside the whale’s stomach but instead you just greet him and stand there so tongue-tied; not from intimidation but from disbelief. You meet nabii Ibrahim and you want to ask him about his feeling when he was about to be thrown into the fire. You meet nabii Yusuf and you are utterly flabbergasted by his beauty. Ah unbelievable! Nabii Ayub is right there and you are in awe because he was your role model on earth when it came to patience. You can’t believe you are meeting all these people you only read about and admired all your life long.

Hurul ains are walking graciously around and you nod in agreement; they are a spectacle. You could spend your entire day just watching them move about. And their eyes!! Wow. What a sight. The worldly description that you heard of them could never suffice describing their real beauty.

You speed up now because you really want to get a glimpse of prophet Muhammad. You want to see his Majesty. You want to sit next to him and talk to him and listen to him and and…You just never thought of the day this would be possible. You seated right opposite him having a one on one chat with him. And you know what’s the best part? You won’t be talking about the enemies that are about to attack or the plots of the hypocrites. Pure, good talks. Happy conversations. Joyful moments.

No tears anymore. No sadness. No loss. No sickness. No death. No pain. No fake connections. No jealousy. You have all you need and no one can take it away from you. Just bliss. Pure bliss.

I for one can’t imagine a life without crying. I am a cry baby so there is barely any earthly day that passes by without me crying; whether its out of happiness or not. So I wonder what I’d be crying about in Jannah. Maybe eating all the things I couldn’t in this world and I’d be so overwhelmed with joy and I’d be crying. Hey! No allergiessss anymorrreeee!!

I want to sleep on my mother’s laps as she pats my hair, as we lie down watching the stars. I want to have my siblings seated next to us as they tease me for being a spoilt child. I want to watch my father enter his own palace that he prayed and worked for really hard. Mama two would be right there with us, chit chatting excitedly as she always was on Earth. I want to have my husband and my children surrounding me like a queen as they try to feed me fruits of paradise. My family scattered in different parts of Jannah like cute butterflies.

I would definitely go around looking for my best friends and we’d go explore the huge paradise with them. Find secret, undiscovered corners and make it our meet-up point. Climb on the paradise horses and go for adventures. Have brunch picnics at the rooftop of the highest palace and go visiting our other friends.

I would go find the prophet’s wives; Khadija (May peace be upon her). I want to meet this magnificent woman who defined real womanhood for me. Oh myyy!! I want to meet Aisha (may peace be upon her too!) I really think I would click with her because I’m the jealous type too. I would tell her, ‘You know,,that time you broke your co-wife’s plates when she brought food for your husband while it was your day? I totally get that! I would do the same!’ Then she’d say, ‘Really?!’ I’d say, ‘Totally!’ Then she’d like me immediately and we’d become friends. Then I’d remind her of the incident when she stalked the prophet when he left home one night all of a sudden. Then we’d laugh. It would probably be like an immediate connection and we’d sound like old buddies huhuhu! (Please note I am in no way encouraging being jealous and breaking the plates of your co-wives 😀 )

Then I’d find Khawlah bint Al Awzar, the warrior who fought in battles during the times of the prophet. Maaaan, I admire brave women and she’s totally among the first I want to meet. Then there’s Khansa, the greatest poet of her times, and we’d compare notes and maybe she’d even be kind enough to share her poetry tips who knows? Then there’s Fatimah and Maryam, the mother of Issa. The women’s list is so long. But who cares? There will be alllll the time to find them all. Because no jobs remember?! No Monday blues and evening exhaustion! No angry bosses and annoying workmates! Huh! How awesome is that!

Then there’s the sahabas; the likes of Umar ibn Khattab and Salman Al Farisy and Abubakar Assidiq and Sa’d ibn Muaadh (radi Allahu anhu) who had seventy thousand angels attended his funeral. Then there are all those sheikhs and scholars you adored so much and never got a chance to meet them and converse with them. In short, there’ll be a lot of Meet & Greet events to be done. Only this won’t be like the Insta ones. This is Jannah kind. You know what I mean?!

Of course it would be wondeeerful to meet anyone you knew in this world. It is utmost privilege knowing you and your crowd were among the chosen ones. We’d congratulate one another and embrace.

Here we are! We almost thought the world would never end. But here we are! At the best of places with the best of people with the best of nature with the best of food. What more would we need? Nothing. Nothing more. Cause we’d have made it. We have made it!! Imagine it. Just imagine it.

***

Ooops! Sorry to burst the dreaming bubble. It was a beautiful, soothing moment wasn’t it? I bet it was. Let’s pray and work towards attaining it. When this world seems so suffocating, remember the reward awaiting us. May Allah forgive us and have mercy on us. May He grant us the patience and make us and our families and all our loved ones meet in Jannah ya Rab! Ameeeeen. Let’s remember to pray for one another and for the world.

***
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THE GREATNESS OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD (P.B.U.H) [PT. 5]

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You can read part 4 of this series by clicking the link: http://lubnah.me.ke/the-greatness-of-prophet-muhammad-p-b-u-h-pt-4/

 

PROPHET’S LOVE FOR HIS UMMAH

The way the prophet peace be upon him loved his ummah is beyond any kind of human love one may imagine. The prophet was genuinely concerned about his ummah, he prayed for us and loved us even before he met us (the generations after him). Allah (S.W.) had already forgiven him all his mistakes of the past and of the future and if he willed, he would just have enjoyed his life and focused on his close family and friends. But instead, the prophet sought Allah’s Mercy and Forgiveness for the many generations to come.

  • A’ishah narrates “Once, when I saw the Prophet in a good mood, I said to him: “O Messenger of Allah! Supplicate to Allah for me!” So, he said: “O Allah! Forgive ‘A’ishah her past sins and her future sins, the sins which she has hidden and the sins which have been made apparent.”
    So I began smiling, to the point that my head fell into the lap of the Messenger of Allah out of joy.
    Messenger of Allah said to me: “Does my supplication make you happy?” I replied: “And how can your supplication not make me happy?” He then said: “By Allah, it is the supplication that I make for my Ummah in every prayer.” [Narrated in Al Bazzaar, Hasan Al-Albani]
  • During one instance, the Messenger (saw) cried. The companions said, “What makes you cry, Oh Messenger of Allah?” He said, “I miss my brothers.” They said: “Are we not your brothers, Oh Messenger of Allah?” He said, “No, you are my Companions. My brothers are those who will come after me and they believe in me without seeing me.” (Ad-Darami, At-Tabaraani, Al-Hakim)
  • The prophet aleyhi ssalam said, “Allah has given one Dua to every single prophet and every single messenger that he has guaranteed that He will respond to. And every single prophet has used up this Dua for himself in this world, except for me. I have saved it and I have not used it and I will not use it in this life. I have kept it for my Ummah and I will use it for them on the day of judgement. And my Dua will be, O Allah, forgive my entire Ummah.” [Sahih Muslim 199]
  • The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “I am like a person who lit a fire and when the surrounding area became bright with light, the moths and insects began to drop in the fire. The person is now trying with all the force at his command to stop these moths and insects from dropping in the fire, but the moths and insects are rushing towards the fire rendering all his efforts ineffective. Likewise, I am trying my best to draw you back and keep you away from the fire, yet you are bent on falling into it.” [Mishkat]
  • Once the Prophet was reciting the Quran and he came across a number of verses. Of them is the famous verse where ProphetIbrahim (A) is making Dua for his people,

“So whoever follows me – then he is of me; and whoever disobeys me – indeed, You are [yet] Forgiving and Merciful.” Quran [14:36]

Here Prophet Ibrahim (A) is asking Allah to forgive those who are not listening to him. Afterwards, the Prophet Muhammad   recites another verse where Prophet Isa (A) is making supplication for his people.

“If You should punish them – indeed they are Your servants; but if You forgive them – indeed it is You who is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.” Quran [5:118]

In both of these supplications, Prophet Ibrahim (A) and Prophet Isa (A) were asking for mercy and forgiveness for their own people. He, the Prophet Muhammad   then starts thinking about his own people and what will be their fate. He raises his hand and starts saying,

Allahumma Ummati, Allahumma Ummati – O Allah my Ummah, O Allah my Ummah.

He then begins to cry thinking about this Ummah, about us. Allah (S) at this point, told Jibreel to go to the Prophet   and ask him why he is crying (of course Allah knew why). So Jibreel came and asked the Prophet, the Prophet aleyhi ssalam replied,

“I am crying thinking for my Ummah, thinking of what will be their fate.”

So Jibreel went back and Allah said to him,

“O Jibreel, go back to Muhammad and tell him, we are going to please you for your Ummah. And we are not going to cause you any irritation.” [Sahih Muslim]

  • Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, on the day of judgement will intercede for his ummah and request for Allah’s Mercy and forgiveness for his people as narrated in the hadith by Anas ibn Malik (peace be upon him).

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us: “When the Day of Resurrection comes, the people will surge with each other like waves. They will come to Adam and say, ‘Intercede for us with your Lord.’ He will say, ‘I am not fit for that. Go to Ibraaheem for he is the Close Friend of the Most Merciful.’ So they will go to Ibraaheem, but he will say, ‘I am not fit for that. Go to Moosa for he is the one to whom Allaah spoke directly.’ So they will go to Moosa but he will say, ‘I am not fit for that. Go to ‘Eesa for he is a soul created by Allaah and His Word.’ So they will go to ‘Eesa but he will say, ‘I am not fit for that. Go to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).’ So they will come to me and I will say, I am fit for that.’ Then I will ask my Lord for permission and He will give me permission, and He will inspire me with words of praise with which I will praise Him, words that I do not know now. So I will praise Him with those words of praise and I will fall down prostrate before Him.

He will say, ‘O Muhammad, raise your head. Speak and intercession will be granted to you, ask and you will be given, intercede and your intercession will be accepted.’ I will say, ‘O Lord, my ummah, my ummah!’ He will say, ‘Go and bring forth everyone in whose heart there is faith the weight of a barley-grain.’ So I will go and do that. Then I will come back and praise Him with those words of praise and I will fall down prostrate before Him. He will say, ‘O Muhammad, raise your head. Speak and intercession will be granted to you, ask and you will be given, intercede and your intercession will be accepted.’ I will say, ‘O Lord, my ummah, my ummah!’ He will say, ‘Go and bring forth everyone in whose heart there is faith the weight of a small ant or a mustard-seed.’ So I will go and do that. Then I will come back and praise Him with those words of praise and I will fall down prostrate before Him. He will say, ‘O Muhammad, raise your head. Speak and intercession will be granted to you, ask and you will be given, intercede and your intercession will be accepted.’ I will say, ‘O Lord, my ummah, my ummah!’ He will say, ‘Go and bring forth from the Fire everyone in whose heart there is faith the weight of the lightest, lightest grain of mustard-seed.’ So I will go and bring them forth.”  [Bukhari]

The prophet’s (S.A.W) greatness was known both to the believers and disbelievers, the kings and slaves. They all couldn’t deny how magnificent his character was and how much he influenced all those around him. A good example of this is the incident of Heraclius and his conversation with Abu Sufyan (before he reverted to Islam).

“Late in the sixth year A.H. on his return from Hudaibiyah, the prophet peace be upon him decided to send messages to the kings beyond Arabia calling them to Islam. In order to authenticate the credentials of his messengers, a silver seal was made in which were engraved the words: ‘Muhammad the Messenger of Allah’. One of the letters was to Heraclius, Emperor of the Byzantines (King of Rome) Dihyah bin Khalifah Al Kalbi was ordered to hand over the letter to the governor of Busra, who would in turn send it to Caesar.

The letter read as follows:

“In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

From Muhammad, the servant of Allah and His Messenger to Heraclius, the king of Byzantines.

Blessed are those who follow true guidance. I invite you to embrace Islam so that you may live in ecurity. If you come within the fold of Islam, Allah will give you double reward, but in case you turn your back upon it, then the burden of all the sins of your people shall fall on your shoulders.

‘Say (O Muhammad peace be upon him): ‘O people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians), come to a word that is just between us and you, that we worship none but Allah, and that we associate no partners with Him, and that none of us shall take others as lords besides Allah.’ Then, if they turn away, say: ‘Bear witness that we are Muslims.’ [Qur’an: 3:64]

Al Bukhari, on the authority of Ibn Abbas peace be upon him narrated that Heraclius sent for Abu Sufyan and his companions, who happened to be trading in Ash-sham (Syria, Palestine, Lebanon and Jordan) he came to Iliya Bailtul Maqdis. That was during the truce that had been concluded between  the polytheists of Quraish and Allah’s Messenger peace be upon him. Heraclius, seated among his chiefs of staff, asked, ‘Who amongst you is the nearest relative to the man who claims to be a prophet?’

Abu Sufyan said ‘I replied I am the nearest relative to him and made my companions sit behind me. Then he called upon his translator and said to him, ‘Tell them (i.e. Abu Sufyan’s companions) that I am going to ask him (i.e. Abu Sufyan) regarding that man who claims to be a prophet. So if he tells a lie, they should contradict him instantly. By Allah had I not been afraid that my companions would consider me a liar, I would have told lies,’ Abu Sufyan later said.

Abu Sufyan’s (he was still a disbeliever by then) testimony went as follows: ‘Muhammad descends from a noble family. No one of his family happened to assume kingship. His followers are those considered weak, with numbers ever growing. He neither tells lies nor betrays others, we fight him and he fights us but with alternative victory. He bids people to worship Allah Alone with no associate and abandon our fathers’ beliefs. He orders us to observe prayer, honesty and abstinence and to maintain family ties.’

‘Heraclius, on hearing this testimony, turned to his translator ordering him to communicate to us his impression which revealed full confidence in the truthfulness of Muhammad’s prophethood: ‘I fully realize that prophets come from noble families: he does not have any previous example of prophethood. Since none of his ancestors was a king, we cannot the claim that he is a man trying to reclaim his father’s kingdom. So long as he does not tell lies regarding people, he is for more reason, immune to telling lies as regards Allah. Concerning his followers being those considered weak with numbers ever growing that is the case with faith until it is complete. I have understood that no instance of apostasy has as yet appeared among his followers and this points to the bliss of faith that finds its place in the human heart. Betrayal, as I see, is alien to him because real prophets hold themselves from betrayal. You said he orders worship of Allah with no associates, observance of prayer, honesty and abstinence and prohibition of paganism, if this is true, he will soon rule the place beneath my feet. I have already known that a prophet must arise but it has never occurred to me that he will be an Arab from among you. If I was sure, I would be faithful to him: I might hope to meet him and if I were with him, I would wash his feet.’

Heraclius did not embrace Islam for it was differently ordained. However, the Muslim envoy was returned to Madinah with the felicitations of the emperor.’” [The Sealed Nectar, page 418-421]

To be continued…

P.S I am not a scholar and this is my little effort in spreading the knowledge therefore in case of any mistake/correction/addition needed in this article about the prophet (p.b.u.h) and his life, kindly email me at: info@lubnah.me.ke.

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Assalam aleykum,

Alhamdulilah we are currently at 50,060/=  with the fundraising for Nuru Salim who is suffering from endometriosis and needs our urgent help so she can acquire treatment in India in shaa Allah. May Allah bless you and easen for you your affairs. Ameen.

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THE GREATNESS OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD (P.B.U.H) [PT. 2]

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You may read the first part here:  http://lubnah.me.ke/the-greatness-of-prophet-muhammad-p-b-u-h-pt-1/

In our current times, once someone acquires high status and recognition within their respective communities, most people become rigid and serious with no time to have fun and enjoy with their wives or children. But it is well known that the prophet peace be upon him was very romantic and always made the time to entertain, relax and enjoy with his wives.

 Once the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) was sitting in a room with Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight and was staring at him long enough for him to notice.
He said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.” The Prophet, peace be upon him, asked, “What did he say?” She replied, “Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everyone to see.” So the Prophet, peace be upon him, got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, “By God, O Aisha, you are like that to me and more.”

 Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) relates the following about her husband, the Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him Upon):
I swear by Allah that I saw Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) standing at the door of my room while the Abyssinians were engaged in spear play in the mosque of Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him). He screened me with his cloak so I could watch them perform. He stood there for my sake until I decided that I had had enough. Now just imagine how much time a young girl eager for entertainment would stand there watching. [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

 ‘A’ishah radiallahu ‘anha said: That she accompanied the Prophet on a certain journey. At that time she was a mere girl and was neither fat nor bulky. The Prophet asked the people to move on, and they marched ahead. Then the Prophet said to me, “Come on, let us have a race.” ‘A’ishah says that she ran and remained much ahead of him. The Prophet kept quiet for some time. Later on when ‘A’ishah grew fat and loose bodied, and she forgot the previous incident. Again she accompanied the Prophet on some journey. The Prophet again asked the people to march ahead, and they moved ahead. Then the Prophet again asked her to have a race with him. This time the prophet defeated her and she lagged behind. Now the Prophet laughed and said, “This is in reply to our previous defeat.” [Ahmad, Safwat as-Safwah, vol. I, p. 68]

 Aisha (May Allah Be Pleased With Her) would often seek reassurance from The Prophet (Peace & Blessings Be Upon Him) that he loved her.
“How is your love for me?” she once asked.
“Like the rope’s knot,” he replied, meaning that it was strong and secure.
Many times after that she would ask, “How is the knot?” and he would reply: “Ala haaliha” meaning “The same as ever!” [Hilya al Awliya]

MUHAMMAD (S.A.W) AS A ROLE MODEL

Muhammad (S.A.W) was known for his compassion, kindness and love for children. He would play around with them and teach them in the most wise and beautiful ways. We get to learn from the best of mankind how to treat and nurture children without aggressiveness or anger, how to influence positive behaviour on them, how to grant them higher self-esteem and make them better and eager learners and Muslims.

 Anas said: The Apostle of Allah was one of the best men in character. One day he sent me to do something, and I said: I swear by Allah that I will not go. But in my heart I felt that I should go to do what the the Messenger of Allah had commanded me; so I went out and came upon boys who were playing in the street. All of a sudden the Messenger of Allah, who had come from behind, caught me by the back of the neck, and when I looked at him he was laughing. He said: Go where I ordered you, little Anas. I replied: Yes, I am going, the Messenger of Allah! Anas said: I swear by Allah, I served him for seven or nine years, and he never said to me about a thing which I had done: why did you do such and such? nor about a thing which I left: why did you not do such and such? [Sunan Abu Dawood, Vol. 3, #4755]

 Narrated by Umar ibn Abi Salma (May Allah be please with him): I was a boy under the care of Allah’s Messenger and my hand use to go around the dish (as I was eating) so Allah’s Messenger said to me, ‘Oh boy, Mention the Name of Allah and eat with your right hand, and eat of the dish what is nearer to you.’

 Ibn Abbas reported: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, when he said to me, “Young man, I will teach you some words. Be mindful of Allah and he will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find him before you. If you ask, ask from Allah. If you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that if the nations gathered together to benefit you, they will not benefit you unless Allah has decreed it for you. And if the nations gathered together to harm you, they will not harm you unless Allah has decreed it for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” [Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2516]

 Narrated by Anas: The Prophet (S.A.W) was the best of people in character. I had a brother whose name was Abu ‘Umayr. He said, I think he was weaned, and when he (the Prophet (S.A.W) came he would say, “O Abu Umayr, what happened to the nughayr (a small bird that he kept as a pet)?” [Narrated by Bukhari, 5850; Muslim, 2150.]
Abu ‘Umayr was Anas’s younger brother and Nughayr was his pet that he loved dearly. Unfortunately, Nughayr died and Abu Umayr was really saddened by the event. When the prophet peace be upon him came to visit them, he tried to lift his spirits up by joking with him about his little bird.

 It was narrated that Aisha, said: “Some Bedouin people came to the Prophet(ﷺ) and said: ‘Do you kiss your children?’ He said: ‘Yes’. He said: ‘But we, by Allah, never kiss (our children)’. The Prophet(ﷺ) said: ‘What can I do if Allah has taken away mercy from you?'” [Sunan Ibn Majah 3665]

 Narrated Sahl bin Sad: A tumbler (full of milk or water) was brought to the Prophet who drank from it, while on his right side there was sitting a boy who was the youngest of those who were present and on his left side there were old men. The Prophet asked, “O boy, will you allow me to give it (i.e. the rest of the drink) to the old men?” The boy said, “O Allah’s Apostle! I will not give preference to anyone over me to drink the rest of it from which you have drunk.” So, the Prophet gave it to him. [Sahih al-Bukhari Book 40 Hadith 541]

PROPHET MUHAMMAD AS A DAEE’ AND LEADER

“O Prophet, indeed We have sent you as a witness and a bringer of good tidings and a warner.”
[Surat Ahzab: Verse 45]

The prophet peace be upon him was the best, most tactical daee’ there ever could be. He was known for his outstanding way of doing da’awah and convincing the people that Islam is the true religion.

There are some stages that the prophet peace be upon him went through in his da’wah:

1. Khalwah (Isolation) to worship: Before prophethood, Muhammad (S.A.W) used to isolate himself for several days up to one month at Cave Hira, far away from idolatry and the vices of the Quraish.

2. Revelation: This is the first time Jibril aleyhi ssalam was sent to prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and asked him to read.

3. Ba’ath wal Irsal (delegation and being assigned as a messenger): Muhammad (S.A.W) is given the duty as a messenger of Islam to spread the word of Allah (S.W).

4. Start of da’awah: There were two phases here; secret and open da’awah. First, the prophet started with secret calling to Islam whereby forty people reverted including Abubakar, li, Khadija, Uthman and others (Allah’s peace be upon them all). Then came the verses: “Then declare what you are commanded and turn away from the polytheists.” [Surat Hijr: 94] and “And warn, [O Muhammad], your closest kindred.” [Surat Ash-shua’ra: 214] That’s when the prophet peace be upon him started openly calling to Islam to his relatives, at the market, to the pilgrims at the Kaabah and any chance he got.

5. Hijrah to Madina: The prophet and his sahaba were granted permission by Allah (S.W.) to migrate to Madina after the suffering and endless torture from the Qureish.

6. Acquiring support of the Ansar of Madina: The Ansar of Madina helped the prophet and his sahaba; they welcomed them, offered them their homes, food and clothing and pledged to support Muhammad and the flag of Islam to the very end.

7. Allah’s support: Allah (S.W) granted his prophet support and help during the different battles that he fought i.e. battle of Badr, Uhud, Ahzab, Conquest of Makkah etc and He made large numbers of people convert to the true religion.

To be continued…

P.S I am not a scholar and this is my little effort in spreading the knowledge therefore in case of any mistake/correction/addition needed in this article about the prophet (p.b.u.h) and his life, kindly email me at: info@lubnah.me.ke.

***

Assalam aleykum everyone,

In the previous post I mentioned about a fundraising we are conducting for a lady struggling with endometriosis. She is in chronic pain and every coin we donate and every time we share this message, you are helping her immensely. So please don’t hesitate to help in any way you can.

We are currently at 35,683/= with the fundraising. Please let’s all join hands and assist her with whatever small we can afford. 

To contribute Mpesa: 0700892829

Kindly do share this message and remember her in your duas.

May Allah bless you all and easen all your battles. Ameen.

 

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SILENCE

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Silence. Silence is over-rated. Silence is golden, but not so golden. I know silence because I have mastered it. My current read is ‘Silence is my mother tongue’ by Sulaiman Addonia and the last time I talked to anyone is months ago.

As I hit rock bottom and eventually made it my permanent home, silence is the only way to speak. Silence until you hear your own fading heartbeat. Silence until your legs warm up to the extremely cold water as you continue drowning. Silence until it becomes sharp and loud, your body disappearing into the blueness. That’s how much I relate to silence. That’s how much I am the silence.

Staring at my mirror, I touch the strings of my grey, white hair. Wrinkles staring back at me. Cheeks flabby like inflated balloons. How did I get old too fast to notice? If I died in this empty house or went missing right now, no one will notice immediately. The first person will notice a week later at least. In the midst of her shuffling between her busy schedules, it will strike her. Silence is not always good. She will remember. In the midst of her jolliness, she will remember me the way you remember that you left a child all alone at home or when you lose a toddler in a busy supermarket. Sudden. Almost in a panic. God knows she cares.

The second one will notice roughly a month later. No blame whatsoever because that’s how we roll.

My son would be the last one to realize. News would get to him as the stranger he’s become.

I lie down on my bed, hands stretched apart wondering how to do this the right way. He’s leaving the house. He wants to start a new life in a new city with some of his friends. He had said it so casually like I was but a nanny to him. How does one live alone after their entire lives revolved around one person and they left? How does a fifty five year old woman restart her life afresh? How do I break the habit of worrying about his asthma whenever the weather gets too cold? Or cook food just for one? How do I be myself without him?

He has grown now. He wants to go after his dreams. Build an empire of his own. Make new friends. Have a new family. But what does that leave me with?
I know how this works okay. I know. First comes in the distance. Then the busy schedules and less conversations. Then less visits home. Then the small talk, hurried phone calls. Then silence.

I know how this works because that is how it went down with everyone else. He was the only one left and that too, I am losing now.

I don’t want to be the selfish kind of mother. I don’t want to cage him. I don’t want to tighten my grip on him way too much until he slips away in between my fingers. He already slipped though. But how do I let go of him without losing him entirely? Is that even possible? Fathomable?

How do I start self-discovery at this age and time? How do I ask myself what is really my favourite meal after his, became mine? How do I identify what I love about life when I see a drone flying past and I smile because I love what he loves? Does that even make sense?

I don’t have friends. Okay, I have two out-of-this-world friends who have many other friends. That makes me very dismissible. Very much replaceable. I don’t have friends because I thought being a dedicated mother would cover it all. Because his friends became my friends and my sons too. Because I could always expect to walk into the house and see him with a group of them fighting over food. I didn’t prepare for this. No one prepared a single, obsessive mother of the day she will have to let go of not just her son, but her life as well. Because now, how do we untwine all that we have? Our entire lives? Emotions, Books, Thoughts, the pictures in the album, moments. How do we share them between us like, ‘This is mine, this is yours.’ How do I even know what was really mine for my own sake and what was mine because he was in it?

Listen to the silence in my room. In my house. In my big, empty house. It reminds me of my own soul. Lost within all the familiarity.

How do I love without being the enemy? How do I respect his decision of moving on without crying, without it eating me up like wasted wood on fire? How do I deal with nostalgia; the literally painful pangs of missing him without going insane? How do I become the good, understanding and supportive mother without losing my essence? The very thing I was living up for?

Apparently this is how life is. Everyone eventually leaves. Whether it is by travelling, going after dreams, changed priorities, death, unresolved matters, masks falling off…whatever it is, they eventually leave. How then can I hope for love as intense as my own from anyone? At this age and time? How then do I expect to ever get in return what I give out without holding anything back?

If I died or went missing, barely anyone would notice. And now, I am losing the only beautiful thing in my life. Tell me, tell me…how do I love and let go without losing him entirely?

SILENCE.

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