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Creative Non-Fiction

WHEN THE HEART AGREES WITH THE MIND

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Photo Courtesy: http://www.loverofsadness.net/

By: Husna Lali

Remember the “Forever Alone” memes? Or the ‘mother’s’ joke that goes like “inner beauty doesn’t get you free drinks?” Not a joke anymore. Here’s why; but wait before we do please buckle up. This roller coaster will go only one way, up or down. Feel free to choose which one of the two. You’re either going to hate me for rubbing salt to that injury/ bruise that huge-like the China wall-ego and brand me a wannabe feminist or thank me for opening up your eyes to show you you deserve better/make you mend your ways.

It’s the 21st century,lower primary school kids have their ‘feelings’ all over the place, and mind you it is so normal it is frightening. I remember back in primary,having this huge crush that lasted ages, and by ages I mean years on a guy who got transferred to some other school and we never got to talk to each other way until early/almost mid 2012. Was he worth it?? Not so sure. Is it realistic?? Are you seriously waiting for an answer to that? Did I date him? Nope. But I did do some other guy. And by ‘do’ I mean go on a couple dates with him and isht.

I am going to talk about dating, and boyfriends/girlfriends and all these before marriage relationships. I won’t base it on religion. ‘nuf’s been said about that. From masjids, to IRE lessons to very strict parents who would make a very very big deal out of it to brothers who’d threaten to kick both your asses if he ever found you with some guy. I am going to base it on logic. It’s mind versus heart here. And the Genesis begins.

You know that thrill and those dopamine waterfalls that run through your nerves watering and blossoming each and every single fiber of your being? Crazy isn’t it? It went ahead and killed all your other logic senses and made you see the world in colors only you could paint, dreams only you could see and a language only you could speak and understand. You would be ready to sacrifice your own integrity and commitment just to see it work out, weren’t you? Well, been there done that. Fortunately or unfortunately I needed that just once to understand like really, it was all a mirage in this scorching desert called love. It was just some kind of a hypnosis that you seriously need to wake up from. Flick on that divergence switch and like Tris realize that it’s just a simulation. Unreal. (Divergent Fandom’s members will get this reference). It is all hormones getting excited and acting up like some chemical reactions/experiments you did in Chemistry and Physics.

Different people have different sets of DNA and other biological explanations on Genetists would care to point out. That we all know right? Ideally my levels of hormonal reactions and fluctuations are completely different from my sister’s even though we probably have a 51+% match. Again girls’ and guys’ hormones are also waaaay different from each other, making how we perceive to things differently. For example, a guy would take in pain and handle it differently from how a girl would. Makes total sense. So you can imagine how it does to a person who’s in love. Don’t get it twisted. I am for one, not against love. I absolutely love love. But is pursuing it worth my while? Is it going to diverge my focus from something that really matters, and capitulate me by gripping me with its demonic hands and make me a prisoner of my own being?

So you do fall in love, that cute guy from school, neighborhood, Facebook/Instagram, Friend of friend. The first weeks is all about the guy waiting for you to get online just so he can text you and tell you sweet words, cheesy lines and you get so invested in that relationship it turns out to be one of the very important things you got to do in a day.

I dare you to look back at such times, after you’ve been in a relationship for a few months, or give it years and then tell me if the thrill is still the same. In one way or another, interest is lost and by the time you realize it wasn’t worth it, it’s going to be too late; and a lot little.

I am going to point out only two reasons as to why you shouldn’t date; instead get married:

1) It’s a diversion to your life goals. As dead shot from comic says: “It’s a bullet to the brain (He meant love; but that’s just it). So you have goals in life; you want to be that teacher, media person, doctor, lawyer or engineer but you also wanna be that hopeless romantic actor, only this is a reality show. You can’t be two at the same time, as much as people claimthey can multi-task and isht. Take one step at a time and everything like the thought through chess pieces, will fit in the jigsaw of life.

As Lady Gaga says, if you ever think of choosing between your career and a love interest. Choose wisely because not a single day would you wake up to your career saying, “It’s over between you two” (Google the exact quote). I am not even a nerd, who would say I spend my free time studying, but I know that pursuing love is not worth this tie. That time will come, and when it comes you’ll know it.

Someone/some of you would say, it’s because I am afraid of love. That might be true. but then, putting all matters of the heart aside, why waste time on uncertainty, when there is the naked, crystal clear, staring right at you option of standardized certainty waiting for its turn to be coveted. Most of us have misunderstood or taken for granted what love is. Falling in love is not just falling for the appearance and the time spent together. Those are just spices to the word love. Love is devotion, caring, uplifting, compassion and most of all, building each other. You cannot be doing all this if you are diverging focus on what matters in life and call it love because come a time when shit is getting complicated, you can’t /won’t just rely on hormonal influx.

2) It’s definitely bound to become one sided. In a few-living together and merry making months of being in an illusion, one of you is obviously going to wake up and in turn burst the bubble. This could be because they realize the thrill is over, because yes, you let your guard down and got comfortable and there is no more masking your true self. And the other person becomes disinterested in the other, or it could be because they need to try out new things but you won’t do it with the one person you once found cute because there is another one ready to give just that. It doesn’t happen that way in a marriage and I am sure you know the “how’s the knot” narration because that union was built in a knot in the first place. It was meant to last forever in a marriage and you have witnesses. As for the dating period, it was just you, your boy friend and Iblis pumping his way down your vein. And this is where the one-sided love comes in.

I have been a Sydia shipper (the teen wolf fans will get this) since 2011 and believe me, I know the agony of waiting for someone to notice you, to notice your worth, to notice your existence in their life. As Stiles says, “unrequited love is a bitch.” So if it’s just a crush on a person, and it feels that way. How about someone whom you consider to be in a relationship with. FYI am talking about this on a shipper’s perspective; and it is tiring. You editing images of them and be like “one day yes.” “Drown your thirsty soul in the ocean!” says the little sensible voice,”because that thirst is unquenchable and you know it. “Get over it , and find yourself a Malia.

Guys (am not saying all) can be pretty much jerk-asses for all they know. The minute they know you’re into them, that’s like an agreement you cannot come out of. They can make you do stuff, (sometimes not even directly but they push you to) like post your half-naked pictures, post pictures of him, write your heart breaking story (after you are hurt) in the social media hoping that he will see it or someone will forward it to him yet all people will ever do is have pity and talk about you. Sweetheart, you’re a princess. Know your worth. Keep that head high because your tiara’s falling, for all the wrong reasons. By all means, if it’s anything that you should let fall, it’s that deadest of all weights you’ve been carrying around, waiting for it to realize your worth or even worse, making excuse for him while you’re at it.

There’s some post from @ silent perception, and it said something like, it’s not nature for a guy to sit around and let the girl do all the loving, caring and all devoting shit required in a relationship, while he sits around ignoring you like some celebrity who’s never met their fan. Most guys be ignoring their girlfriends because as they all put it, “Bro’s before hoes.” First, she’s not a hoe, and second, if you (lady) know your worth and have some self love and esteem, you would know there’s something called (“Homie-hoe-stasis”) and I bet we all know what that means. So the next time he avoids you severally in a row, and claims, he’s hanging out with some ‘bros’, just know he doesn’t deserve every second you’re wasting on him. Life is too short to waste on things that have no soul.

With this said, I might have seemed against loving/caring and giving your all in a relationship. Love, by all means love; but then again unless it’s passionate thrilling, satisfying, erotic and most of all mutual, there are so so so many mediocre things in life and love shouldn’t be one of them.

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Guest Posts

HOPELESS IN LOVE

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Photo Courtesy: www.ayeina.com

I stared blankly at the moon that seemed all dull that night just like my feelings. I remembered all the sacrifices I had made. I remembered all the ups and all the downs. Oh my, ours was a bond that no one could break apart. I felt so not myself. Did I fall into deceit or were you just wearing a mask all along? You meant forever, you were my die hard in each sunrise and each sunset. Why did you just have to be a vapor that would evaporate just so suddenly? You had hurt me intensely and I would say no medieval dagger could have penetrated that much like the way those words; those painful words hurt my heart. I felt as if the whole world was on my own shoulders. I felt as if I had no more strength to fight back because it was just like the sweet that suddenly turned sour. But the adage did indicate that, diamonds are made under the weight of mountains. Yes, maybe I could offer you the benefit of the doubt but….

Oh moon, where is all your beauty today? I have lived drowning in hallucinations. Probably keeping a blind eye to all that you did to me. What can be more saddening than this? These pair, our pair. Allah had paired my soft-floating heart to your hard tired heart. Do these two hearts really beat as one? I am yet to know that. I am yet to get all the answers to my ocean of questions. I am yet to discover salt from sugar and sweet from bitter.

For today, in this dullness of the moon, the stars too are crying in insane crystal blue, sympathizing with this softy that was so naive to differentiate disguise from realism. I am drowning in a sea of my tears for what seemed to be the whole of my existence. Where did I go wrong? Where did I laze around? What did I not shower you with? Then you declared that you would be my warrior even when the whole world turns against me. Where is all that?

This monster is ocean deep….

You have plucked the flower while still not in maturity. You have changed the vows and you have changed the lines. You have turned the mice from the bridesmaid and the Cinderella into a rag that was already clouded with your tenderness.

This butterfly that had golden wings that could never allow herself to be walked on and way too flexible fell unconscious in your love. She forgot that words could be venomous.

Today, I want to leave you in this note.

When the dirty chandeliers will still shine through and the demons will still hold on to me, will the heartache that you caused, ever heal too?

*********Salma Abdulatif Yusuf********

I can’t deny that there isn’t a day that I do not still feel your existence in my life. Even though I know that I have let you down over and over again, I left you in puddles of tears, showers of regrets and snowfalls of pain. But my heart still reaches out for you in hope that you will forgive me. Since I couldn’t bear to see you in the state that I was, and please don’t get me wrong, the memories hurt me too. Every trace of you brings back a flood of feelings, feelings that I have been trying to fight away.

Frankly, I’d like to return to your arms, to the days where I’d stare into your eyes and see my destiny. Letting everything go back to the way it was, peaceful. You and I as the best of everything. And I won’t try but I will do my very best to love you enough to heal the scars that you have picked up during this time I got you in. I will love you enough that you will forget the nights you stayed awake crying. I will love you enough that pain will seem like fantasy, something which cannot touch your beautiful soul. But I still know my words may mean nothing to you. I could be holding onto the broken pieces of our hearts, the shutters of hope and the dust of our love in the palms of my hands, screaming, screaming for your forgiveness. But how will you know I really mean it? So I tell Allah. I speak to Him about you and tell Him what I feel, ask him to grant you peace and happiness; my happiness. I ask Him to put my name next to yours in our destiny, to one day have us happily married. I tell him how I love you, because my words of romance to you, don’t mean much, but my words to Allah mean the world, because He is the only one that can help. For He is the only one with all the answers to both our woes.

*******Abdulmutalib (Taib) Saggaf********

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Deen (Religion)

MUSLIM YOUTH IN A CAGE CALLED MODERN WORLD; part 3

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Photo Courtesy: Unknown

We are in the 21st century and majority of the youth are either in love, in a relationship, married, confused or totally lost. This is one of the worst realities of us; the current era youth. Whereas at our age, our parents and grandparents could not dare court a girl, or at least make it public; nowadays that is the trend and actually without it, you are considered out of fashion or old fashioned. This whole ideology of love is actually what branches to a lot of other fitnah like zinah, sometimes drinking, clubbing and drugs, sometimes rebellion against parents and much more. We as the youth have revolutionized the concept of love; some have commercialized it and some have made it seem the filthiest word on earth yet love was originally pure in its earliest form whereby love meant respect to oneself, respect to the girl, respect to the parents of the girl and even respect to the whole world evolving around her. Love originally meant taking the main path to her parent’s house and knock at the door but now the youth decide to take on the short cut and sneak out the girl from her home via the window. This is where all immorality begins and all principles are broken. The youth however have their own many ways of justifying dating and all the impunity related with it, with the Western justification of ‘You Only Live Once’ (YOLO) quickly forgetting the promises God has kept for us for the hereafter. Nonetheless, we can never refute the reality of existence of love. As much as it is controllable, it is, most of the times, unavoidable. But actually the problem of the youth isn’t love but how to deal with it. When a young person goes to their parents and confesses about their love to a particular person, most parents immediately camouflage and become annoyed at the words of their children especially when it is a girl. Our society has made it seem that it is totally okay for a young man to actually talk to his parents about a girl he loves even when he is still very young for the responsibility of marriage. Parents would listen to him and advice him on waiting and all that but now, change the picture, let the girl of the same family same say the same words to her parents and they would be angry and never trust her again etcetera etcetera. The reality is, it has already happened; parents should actually appreciate that their daughter or son didn’t take action in his/her own hands but instead approached them so they can help her out. It is high time parents realized that the technology world is ruining us and that they need to have more of these heart to heart talks with their young ones. When parents keep it formal with their children without finding wise ways of teaching them how to teach them deal with adolescence and peer pressure, that’s when the youth explore the world themselves; totally submerged into the world of fantasy and forever love and dating and all that they see on televisions, internet and social media. This just shows the importance of parents giving room to their children to talk and express themselves freely; this actually saves a lot of trouble onwards. Khadija, Peace Be upon Her was the one who requested for the prophet to marry her, even though she was much older. It is no shame when a girl asks for her parents to do the same for her. The shame would be when we don’t teach our children how to deal with their emotions and what are the limits that should not be crossed.

However, another sad reality is that some parents don’t care or simply don’t mind when they see their sons taking out girls for dates or when they see their daughters preparing to go out; our own parents, who are supposed to be our role models, are drowning along with us.

So in this era of fitnah, the few responsible ones decide to marry early so as to avoid falling in sin. Yet still, even as they marry, they still have the corrupted Westernized ideology of marriage and take marriage like the dating life they see their pals going through and this is how we have several young people are getting divorced as fast as they got married. However, for others who approach their parents so as to marry, their parents tell them it’s too early and that they should wait until they are more responsible or done with studies etcetera; which is true, but nonetheless, the parents fail to realize that stopping their children from marrying or getting married when they want to, may lead to zinah. This is why the prophet p.b.u.h. said that whoever amongst us can marry then they should do so and this is because he knew the amount of fitnah the young people have to deal with.

Our religious leaders have the greater duty as much as parents to help and advice young people on how to deal with adolescence and peer pressure. Most sheikhs actually give lectures about these issues but they rarely give solutions; in fact many just criticize the actions of the youth which in return make them become even more rebellious towards the rulings of deen. Sheikhs have to choose a more gentle approach on how to advise the youth but most importantly, show and teach how to deal with this kind of fitnah Islamically. They have to bring themselves down to their level and talk the same language as we the youth do so that there can be more understanding between the two parties.

The Muslim lady in her hijab is the queen of Islam; the image portraying the identity of Islam, she is mother of tomorrow and the daughter of today. Society has always had this misconception that being a Muslim lady means getting married, having children and taking care of your family, which is totally true. Nonetheless, it is sad that the society is against the idea that a Muslim lady should have dreams or ambitions. It is rather puzzling that the society has the belief that when a Muslim lady is attached to her deen, then she wouldn’t bother venture into the world of knowledge and working and creating change but would just be confined to her husband, children and home. Again, the society have the belief that when a Muslim lady ventures into the world of work, then she is not really attached to her deen which is also totally so wrong. It is by this that a lady with dreams is often found in a tag of war between two worlds; the world evolving her deen and her career. And many would ask this question, ‘how do you balance the two; how do you balance your career and your deen?’ Many think that in order to be an ambitious career lady with dreams then you have to give up your deen and vice versa; which is what challenges the Muslim lady. In the career world, colleagues expect the Muslim lady to dress trendily or shake hands with non mahrams etcetera while in the Islamic world, she is expected to only concentrate in her home and family affairs only. Yet they forget how the sahabiyaat; Aishah, Fatima, Khadija peace be upon them, amongst others were active in all societal issues. Khadijah peace be upon her was a very successful business woman, Aishah peace be upon her was known for her knowledge of deen and memorization of ahadith. She, together with Aishah, Umm Salim and Umm Salit were proficient at nursing the wounded. Different sahabiyat accompanied the prophet peace be upon him on his military expeditions and took part in battles both on land and at sea. Asma’ bint Umais was famous for interpretation of dreams while Asma’ bint Yazid was an expert in making speeches. Khawlah, Maleekah, Thaqafiyah and Bint Fakhariyah used to trade in the oriental oil-based perfumes known as ‘itar (As explained in the book ‘Great Women of Islam by Mahmood Ahmad Ghadanfar). These are but a few of the Sahabiyat; there are many more who took part in both religious and societal issues. It is high time that the society realized that being a career woman doesn’t make her any lesser Muslimah or mother or wife or daughter; the two can very well be balanced. Instead of treading on with such ideologies, the Islamic society should appreciate the Muslim women who are trying to create change in our world; both Islamic and secular world. Muslims should instead create more comfortable job opportunities and environments for Muslim ladies to work within. They forget; teaching a woman is teaching the whole nation yet teaching a Muslim woman can as well be as teaching the whole universe. Let the Muslim ladies explore their talents and imaginations; let them build the society.

The challenges of Islam and Muslim youth could go on and on to fill a whole book due to the seriousness and complexity of the problems. Nonetheless, the general solution for all the named and unnamed problems is for Muslims to come and find solutions on common ground. As much as we have our many differences, we can never miss something of common interest to join us together and join our brains in finding genuine solutions to help Islam and Muslim youth. As Allah (S.W) says in the holy qur’an in surat Imran (103): ‘And hold fast, all of you together, to the rope of Allah and be not divided among yourselves…’ Truly, Allah (S.W) has said it well

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Creative Non-Fiction

THE PAIN OF BETRAYAL

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THE PAIN OF BETRAYAL

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy

I remember when I was thirteen years old, my closest friend decided to replace me as her best friend with another girl. I was apparently so hurt at that and wrote her a two paged letter filled with so much bitterness and was listing down all the sacrifices I did for her sake and the way she didn’t appreciate. As i was writing the letter, my mother appeared and saw it. she read it through and gasped with astonishment, ‘you carry all this load in your heart?!’ and i cant forget how much she scolded me for concentrating on friendship that much instead of my studies as i was a candidate by then. All in all, my point is not at how my mother scolded me or what happened after that. Many years later now, I look back at that situation and wish that the only betrayal that could ever exist was like that one whereby an innocent thirteen year old is filled with bitterness because her best friend replaced her.

As someone once said, ‘every man faces seven enemies in his lifetime; sickness, hunger, betrayal, envy, greed, old age and finally death.

As I grew up, I realized how naïve I was and that the world is actually like a battle field. so many wolves ready to attack you just the moment you trip. The saddest thing about betrayal though is that it never comes from your enemies, it comes from the people you loved the most.

As John Le Carre said ‘love is whatever you can still betray. Betrayal can only happen if you love.’ No one could ever dispute this fact that betrayal only happens when you love, because you trusted in the first place. Of course you wouldn’t trust your enemy right? therefore, betrayal never happens with your enemies, it only happens with your loved ones.

We live in a world where you can’t really trust anyone completely. It takes years to build trust and yet, just a few seconds to break it. We live in a world whereby you can’t even trust to leave your wife alone for some few hours, in the fear that another man, probably could be even your neighbour, takes over your place just the moment you leave.

Betrayal has led to so much pain. They say time heals all wounds but they forget that the scar will forever be there. People may forgive but will never forget the deep pain they felt and of course, nothing will ever be the same again.

Sometimes, a mother betrays her child. One would wonder how? but haven’t we seen all those many children appearing on our televisions, with deep cuts, burns, mutilated body parts just because of a small mistake they did? Yes, she betrayed her child. He trusted her, he knew she would never want any harm for him, he knew she would protect her and what did she do instead? she was the one holding the knife, the one holding the flame ready to burn, the one holding a panga ready to chop…the one who put the poison in his food. Yes, that is betrayal. When a father rapes his own daughter and maybe, she even gets pregnant and the girl lives the rest of her life being haunted. Life will never be the same again for her.

Betrayal is when we all put our trust and hope in that leader. As we die with hunger and thirst, we still had the energy to stand up and have faith that change will come with this leader. It is that kind of hope that never dies and we all vote for him, thinking we would never be hungry and thirsty again. But alas! greed is all he ever had.

Betrayal is when you love someone so deeply and just suddenly, they shatter all your dreams into small irreplaceable pieces of glass. Even picking up the pieces will cut you once again so you let them right there with the undying hope that they would realize what damage they caused and maybe…just maybe come back.

Betrayal doesn’t only break your heart, but also darkens your soul. You will never forget the pain and many have changed due to that kind of pain.

Trust is like a mirror, once broken, you may try to repair it but no matter what you will always still see the cracks. So be very careful on whom you trust and value the people who trust you and keep up to their expectations. Don’t disappoint them for giving you the most valuable thing they can ever offer; TRUST!

You are not a fool that you trusted, that you loved, that you had faith…they are the fools for lying to someone who trusted them. So forget what hurt you but never forget what it taught you!

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Creative Non-Fiction

THE CHAINS OF LOVE

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Photo Courtesy: http://orig07.deviantart.net/

Someone once said, ‘True love is like ghosts which everyone talks about but few have seen.” Many people have gone up and down in search of their ‘Romeo’ or ‘Juliet’.  Many people became victims of ‘lust’ in the name of ‘love’ with the imagination of the fairy tales we read about. The youth have been so much held up in this dark cave to the extent that they can no longer stay without being in a relationship.  If I am going to trace back to our grandparents and ancestor’s time, I don’t see them having the kind of stress and depressions the youth of today have. And this is because, they very well realized that love is not everything in the world and yet still, not nothing. Many girls are weeping right now, so heart broken, so sad that the guy they trusted turned their back on them. Still, some boys somewhere have given up on life and completely lost their trust on ladies cause of a certain cheap girl who decided to play on him.

Love is that overrated feeling that can barely be described in words. For decades, people have tried to give it a definition but alas, it could never happen, because this special feeling varies from each and every person and is special in its own way.

What I could feel for my family could be pure love, for someone else; love is when he brings a present to his baby sister. Another person would describe love as when he massages her mother’s feet while for another, it is that burning feeling one feels for the opposite sex. The list could go on and on without an end. As the French proverb would explain it, ‘There is only one kind of love, but there are thousands of different copies.”

Filial love is always the purest of them all. That feeling you get when your mother wakes you up with a beautiful smile and a plate on her hand for you to eat, or when you wake up and find your son washed your car for you. There’s that joy that always keeps you alive in making your family members; parents and siblings happy. After all as we all know, ‘blood is thicker than water.’ We may be married or engaged in relationships but in the end, nothing can be compared to what you feel towards your mother, father and each special individual that falls in your family tree.

The difference between prior marriage love and post marriage love may be described as a garden of flowers. Young people in search of lovers to share with a relationship, can be compared to when a young boy or girl is taken to the large garden of flowers and asked to pick the most beautiful flower in the field, he/she would rush to the first and would think ‘this is it!’ but then his eyes stray a little bit further and notices another pretty one and decides to go for the other. He will go on and on, from one flower to the next further in the field thinking, ‘I have finally found it’ and in the end, he ends up with a rotten wilted flower. While in the case of a man or woman who is genuinely looking for a life partner in matrimony when taken to the same garden of flowers, the first beautiful flower in the garden that he comes across will be sufficient for him. Thus, the love in relationships is just like taking salty water, the more you drink, the more you get thirstier.

Many have committed suicide, many have wounds that may never heal, and some remain heartbroken forever while some will never forget the deep pain of betrayal in love. Stories on love have been narrated for decades but it is important that we note that the Romeos and Juliets we read about are but an illusion that can never become a reality.

 In the bible (Corinthians 13:4-7), describes : Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.’ Just in the qur’an where love is mentioned many a times and this kind of love is always linked to the kind and generous good actions and words we say to one another.

If I were to describe love then it would be that beautiful smile you give to the orphan, the helping hand you give to your neighbour, the respect you give to your parents, the joy you create in your family, the hugs you give your friends, the charity you do to the poor, the prayers you make for the oppressed without expecting anything in return. Most importantly though is the inner love you have for yourself, for there is no day your heart will wake up and tell your soul, ‘I don’t love you anymore!’ Food for thought.

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