Author

Lubnah Abdulhalim


Browsing
Creative Non-Fiction

MY OTHER HALF (PART 3)

By

To read part 2, click on the following link: https://lubnah.me.ke/my-other-half-part-2/

Assalam aleykum warahmatu llah wabarakatuh 🙂

Had I known there would be a part 3, I would have written it last year in 2019, so that the gap between the letters are equal. The first was in 2015, then 2017, then now :/ The perfectionist me is a bit bothered by that. I also realized that I have the totally wrong title for this letter series. Should have been, ‘to my other 3/4’ because really, whom I’m kidding? I’m just a 1/4 human, so you gotta be 3/4 to complete me. You gotta be the bigger person. Huh, pun intended! 😀

Okay, wait. Let’s rewind a bit. CAN YOU BELIEVE WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC? It is crazy right?! I hope you are sane though? Hopefully coping okay with all that is happening? I am okay. Alhamdulilah 🙂 I was very alarmed at first. It was too overwhelming seeing everyone panicking and the too much misinformation wasn’t making it any easy. I am better now alhamdulilah. It is the empathetic side of me that is struggling more. There are a lot of emotions being laid out and I absorb everything like a sponge. This in turn makes me anxious sometimes. Anxious because now, people are too anxious. I’m used to being the most anxious person in the room 😀 But this too shall pass, aye?! I am just trying to avoid social media at the moment and too much news. Really hoping things only get better from here. Ameen.

I really hope you’re doing well though; catching dreams, flights and sunsets. I have grown since the last time I wrote to you; emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Physically? Not so much 😀 2020 especially started way too rough, but wasn’t it for everyone? Nonetheless, I’m still me. The same cry baby who wrote the first letter in 2015. I still watch murder documentaries and horror/thriller movies then ask one of my younger sisters to sleep with me because I’m too afraid. I still pace up and down for several minutes before taking a pill because pills give me anxiety of sorts. Sometimes I opt to take 4 tablespoons of baby liquid paracetamol than take the actual pills. I still go to my mum to comb my hair. I still cry when my friends forget about me or when someone raises their voice on me. I still cry in weddings, sometimes more than in funerals. Not the two tears of joy. I cry. Literally, sometimes until I get a flu. I am very weird. Very paradoxical. I am the most dumb & naive, smart person I know. I am also the strongest, most fragile person. Can you imagine I turned 26 today? I am literally a baby. Everyone knows that tears are my forte. My best friend Husna has said she’ll ensure that in my nikah contract I write ‘Don’t be mean to me’ and I want to add, ‘or else I’ll cry’ because really, that should scare you. It’s like dealing with a literal big baby. My other best friend Amina is betting that I’ll have no make up on my wedding not because I wouldn’t have applied but because I’d have cried way too much, people would think it is a forced marriage. You get the picture? 😀

But waiiiit!! About me being a literal baby, FLASH NEWS: I did not cry watching ‘Miracle in cell no 7’ (Watch it if you haven’t!) Can you believe that?!!! I’ve been telling it to everyone and anyone who bothers to listen. Saying it like it is a badge of bravery 😀 Someone said if you watched the ‘Miracle…’ movie and you didn’t cry then you’re an assassin. Well hallo, you’re looking at one 😀 I also didn’t cry when I read ‘The Kite Runner’ or even ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’. Quite the achievement I tell you. Howeveeerrr, few days after reading these, I had huge breakdowns over the smallest, most stupid reasons. I came to realize, sometimes, that I tend to postpone my crying till further notice; when I get a more sillier reason to cry. Like hit my toe on a door and cry for an hour about it. See? Paradoxical. I also realized my crying is like an art. I’m still trying to figure out my patterns 😀

I’m still terrified of the idea of divorce which in turn makes me terrified of marriage in the first place. The marriages crumbling around us are barely any consolation. For a very anxious person like me, uncertainty is our poison. Yet nonetheless, it makes me dig deeper into myself and be more keen on my choices in this life. Not just about marriage but everything else. I know some people think I am waiting for a fairy tale but trust me, I am very very aware of how reality is. And fairy tale is so far from it. Mwanzo the way I was too invested in Umm Abdullah and Hasanat’s seemingly perfect marriage, and what it turned out to be, mahn! I was too heart-broken I swear and even more sad for their reality *Insert too many tears*. Anyway, I guess such is life.

I have this colleague of mine who when he first read my first letter in 2015, was so excited because he had written something similar on his blog. He then narrated how his wife reacted when they got married and read the letters. She ransacked his entire blog, reading everrrything and asking about every girl that was mentioned on it 😀 They were a seemingly sweet couple. Five years down the line (after the conversation that is), they’re divorced. My heart sank when I heard about it. They’re both good people, but life happens. You can never know what will come your way tomorrow, a week from now or ten years later. It terrifies me how life is so temporary, unpredictable. You can NEVER claim that you have it figured out. Everyone is just stumbling through life and dealing with the snowballs rolling towards them. Throwback to when I was in high school and I’d see people in their mid-twenties, I’d marvel. I always thought ‘they have it figured out.’ The age where one has a job, is newly married and deeply in love, taking on adventures and life is just kicking off. I was so so wrong. I could never be more mistaken in my life. Adulthood is a scam. It is the heftiest slap on the face. Jokes on me 😀 Someone should have prepared me though! ( By the way, my colleague is happily remarried alhamdulilah. May Allah protect his marriage, bless it and make it long-lasting.ameen.)

So anyway, I met this lady, more than 10 years older than me. She is like the splitting image of me but personality wise. Very sensitive, very anxious, very compassionate, a very good writer, tiny like me…we even have similar health issues. Mind-blowing I tell you. It is almost like I met myself in the future. And you know, I see her seemingly happy in her marriage, with her grown children mashallah; they’re so adorable I could cry…Here’s the catch though; she is in a polygamous marriage!! When she told me about it I was like ‘whaaaatttt!! Hooooowww!!’ Cause I can’t imagine myself in one honestly I’d die so please don’t get ideas 😀 What’s even harder, is that she is the first wife! Her response was simply, ‘My husband is a good man’ and my heart melted at how she said it. She did admit it was tough but they made it through. I am still A.M.A.Z.E.D. mashallah mashallah may Allah keep blessing their marriage. Ameen. It gives me hope though; that people like me can be happy after all despite all the noise in the head.

To be honest, I am not where I want to be spiritually. I struggle. A lot. Mostly because of the anxiety. It makes you seek control. You have this desperate need to be the captain of the ship and control the direction of the wind too. Which is impossible. I am still learning and unlearning so many things. I am accepting of how too flawed I am. I am accepting that I still have a lot to work on on myself. I had this classmate in university, whom I really look up to. He was always so laid back. So much so, you’d think he’s entirely unbothered. But he wasn’t. He just never allowed matters to get to his skin. Whether it was the pressure from the lecturers and university projects, whether it was people mocking him, whether it was things not going as planned. A project that I would stress about for an entire month, he would plan himself keenly and do it in one week. No, don’t be mistaken. This wasn’t just someone who was playing around. This was someone who knew exactly how much importance to give any matter because, well, he was always top in class and he was the only other person who got first class honors besides me in our lot.

When I ponder over how I dealt with my university studies versus how he did, it was the extreme opposite. I would get panic attacks or even cry right before an exam sometimes. Yet he would never let anything disturb his peace of mind. Throughout the years in the same class, I never ever heard him complain about his personal life. He would complain about the lecturers or the challenges (just the usual, small stuff) but never about his personal life. I doubt anyone in our class knew much about his life. After graduation, while the rest of us were worried and stressing over getting jobs, you know what he was up to? Walking around his neighbourhood, taking brilliant images and editing them. When anyone would ask him how he could afford to be so relaxed, he would say, ‘I already sent my CVs. Now I can only wait.’ He did eventually get a job, a good one mashallah and it was as if he always knew he’d get it.

During this quarantine period, my mate is busy making happy and silly videos, recreating images and making memes despite being far from his family. As an avid complainer and a highly sensitive person, I learnt a lot about choosing my battles just from observing him. I know for sure he too has problems of his own, but he always had that utmost belief and optimism in life. I always yearned for that kind of peace (May Allah keep blessing him and grant him tranquility always. ameen). I still yearn for that kind of peace. I think if I master the art of ‘choosing battles’ then i’ll be way ahead in life. That is the goal.

I’m learning a lot just by observing people to be honest. That kind of education no one will ever teach you. There’s always something to learn from every single human being, even if not a positive thing, you learn about a negative thing to avoid doing. So yes, I’m still feeding on human stories. They shape me greatly and have been a huge part of my growth. I’m also still studying alhamdulilah (yes, neeerddd! 😀 )

Imagine Ramadhan is just a few days away. I’m deeply sad about the world right now. It will be a very strange Ramadhan while people in lock-down. Imagine watching taraweh in empty Makkah and Madina 🙁 I hope this pandemic ends soon wallahy. So many people are affected. So many people are struggling. So I’m praying that by eid all this will be over, at least people can have some part of ramadhan back in the masjid, may He help us all and protect us. Ameen. Try to make the best out of this Ramadhan as I strive to do as well biidhnillah. Also, you should try watch ‘Qalby Etmaan’ on youtube this Ramadhan cause Ghayth is absolutely my hero when it comes to charity and he inspires me too much *I am still crying*. Perhaps he’d inspire you too!

Do include me in your prayers please, 26 looks scary to be honest. But turning one year older, I am also very very grateful. For my amazing parents, for my dear family, for my very lovely friends, for the blessings from Allah. I never take these things for granted. And the more I grow up, the more I appreciate their presence and all the love. Alhamdulilah ala kul hal. Hoping you join the team soon enough 😉 Ameen. About that, by the way, you are wasting such an opportune moment because with this quarantine, it is the best time to do a nikah. We’d just have gone to the kadhi and skipped all that chaos of the normal weddings 😀 But oh well, everything happens at its time I guess.

Just a disclaimer as we wind up, I sought the permission of the above people mentioned before writing about them, so don’t you assume I’m a snitch 😀

I am hoping there won’t be a part 4 because I am getting too old and hopefully you’d be around before I ever have to. If I’m writing another letter then it should be to my husband 😀 In shaa Allah. Stay safe wherever you are.

Till we meet in shaa Allah 🙂

P.S I now realize this was too long. It’s been three years anyway, we’re compensating 😀

Sending you Love and Light,

Lubnah with an ‘H’.

***

Thank you for reading 🙂 Kindly subscribe and stay tuned for the Ramadhan special edition in shaa Allah. I am also starting a Ramadhan fundraising in shaa Allah to support a family of 5 , who are deeply affected by the corona virus. The father is in the transport business which is now in pause till after corona. Ramadhan is coming, and they have bills to pay with no other way to earn their livelihood. Kindly do support me in this project as well by sending to my mpesa: 0704 731 560 (Lubnah Said). I love you all for the sake of Allah. Please take care wherever you are!

by
Keep Reading
Inspiration

WRITING ABOUT NOT WRITING

By

Writing can be so difficult sometimes. I speak for myself at least. Sometimes I stare at the screen for too long before deciding what to write. Sometimes I desperately text multiple friends to ask for ideas. Sometimes I fail to write entirely. Sometimes, I write about not writing so that I can have something to write about. Huh! See what I did there 😀 Point is, I’ve been struggling to write as frequently as I used to some years back. So here’s me attempting to DO SOMETHING.

My dear friend Umm Usaamah (thank you Najma!) gave me a book called, ‘If You Can Talk, You Can Write‘ By Joel Saltzman. The book was so refreshing because the author used a lot of humour. He gives these awesome tips on how to write, at any cost. I decided to share the tips from his book and hopefully, we can stop complaining about not writing and actually do it?!

1. DON’T UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF: First of all, don’t say you know nothing interesting. Stop rejecting your thoughts and start writing them down. You might think, ‘Ah, I’m such a boring person with zero social life, what could I possibly write about that would be interesting?’ But trust me, there are people out there wondering how you spend your time and stay sane while alone. Or you could be a fisherman and you think, ‘Who wants to know about fishing and a fisherman’s life?’ But there is always someone who would be interested. 99% of all novels start with something autobiographical; people telling their own stories but changing names. So remember this, ‘if it interests me, it will interest others too!’ If you don’t work on your idea of a fisherman’s life, someone else will!

2. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION: Here is the absolute truth, perfectionism leads to paralysis which eventually leads to procrastination. When you refuse to accept anything less than perfection, you’ve reduced your failure rate to zero percent. The problem is, you’ve done the same to your success rate. Tell yourself, ‘I don’t care if it makes any sense or not. Whatever is in my head, I’m going to write it down.’ Remember, it doesn’t have to be great at this instance. Your aim is to have something down!

3. WRITE LESS, SAY IT BETTER: Make it as simple as possible. You don’t have to use big words or complicated, impressive words to be a good writer. You need to ‘talk on paper’, like you would to a friend. The more you ‘talk’ on paper without stopping to judge or criticize yourself, the better chances you have of stumbling into gold. It is like when you’re trying to explain something during a conversation, you’re trying to find the right way of saying it. At first you may beat about the bush, say a lot of ‘urmmms’, but eventually, you get to your point. ‘Blah, blah, blah, blah…GOLD!’ Same with writing! ‘If the final product looks nice and easy, chances are, it took a lot of tinkering.’

4. MAKE ‘HAVING FUN’ BE YOUR MANTRA: Tell yourself, ‘I’m going to have some fun here. I’m going to play around and discover some really neat stuff.’ Writing is like a voyage of discovery. Make it an adventure. Pick a word, any word, see what you can write about it. See where it takes you. Remember to have fun!

5. WRITING IS REWRITING: A rotten first attempt is a great way to start. Even the best writers never get it right the first time. Take a break after writing then come back to re-check what you wrote. The longer you stay away, the more objectivity you will gain. Never be deceived by someone else’s polished draft. They too had to do some serious rewriting. A friend of mine told me of a brilliant writer who writes these MASTERPIECES, but the writer usually sits from 6 a.m. in the morning till 1 p.m. doing that one piece of around 600 words. This kind of dedication is what we all need! James A Michener said, “I have never thought of myself as a good writer. Anyone who wants reassurance of that should read one of my first drafts. But I’m one of the great rewriters.”

John Steinbeck said, ‘Never correct or rewrite until the whole thing is done. Rewrite in the process is usually found to be an excuse for not going on.’

6. NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN: Whatever idea you think of, high chances are, someone else already thought about it too. There is nothing new under the sun yet no one can tell a story YOUR way. Stop abandoning your writing at the first sign of trouble. Leave your problem aside for a while and the answer may just come to you. Remember, your story matters!

7. DO IT YOUR WAY: Find your voice. Write your story. Talk about what matters to you. Every author breathes a different life into the same idea. This is because, each one of us will tell it in our own unique way! What you can do-better than anyone-is write it your way, no matter what they say.

8. WRITERS BLOCK: Jerry Jenkins said that the writers’ block is brought about by four things: Fear, Procrastination, Perfectionism and Distractions. The way to deal with this is to WRITE in spite of the fear. Taking necessary action to write even you feel like it is the last thing you want to do. ‘The way to resume is to resume. It is the only way. To resume.’

9. CRITICISM: Criticism isn’t the hard part, it is how you react to it. Do not take it personally. Opinions will vary, whether it is glowing praise or complete damnation. Learn to shrug off either extreme because praise will stop you from growing , scorn will stop you from even trying. Be critical of what you write, not the person who wrote it. Remember, criticism is not an attack on YOU! Take it as a learning opportunity.

10. SECRET INGREDIENT: When you stick with writing long enough, the chaos turns into order. All you need is the patience to keep trying until you get it right. It is okay if you don’t know what you’re trying to say at first. It is the only way you’ll get to say, ‘Aha! Now I know what I’ve been trying to say all this time!’

A lot of discipline is needed too. Discipline is learning how to write when you don’t feel like writing.

11. PERSISTENCE: Katherine Anne Porter said, ‘Stick to it in spite of hell and other people. Patience and endurance.’ Sometimes you will lack inspiration but that doesn’t mean you just sit and wait for it to come like revelation. ‘You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.’ John Cage said, ‘I don’t try to be inspired, I just try to work very regularly.’ Point is, you have to force yourself to write! Make the time for it! The more you write, the more time you spend at it, the better chances for success.

12. JUST WRITE! Write about what you usually talk about. The ordinary conversations can really be extra-ordinary. Stupid ideas can actually turn out great! So write! Write about what you don’t know. Make interesting lists like ‘True things I could never make public’ then pick one such thing and actually dare to write about it. Write about what matters to you. Write about things you’ve researched. Just make sure you do write, at whatever cost!

Also, read! Because by reading others, we learn to write for ourselves.

‘Good writing is not about magical aptitude or God-given gifts; it’s about taking the talent you do have -great, average or less than average and working hard to make the most of it.’

Well, I did end up writing didn’t I? 😉

***

I highly recommend this book by Joel Saltzman, ‘If you can talk, you can write.’ The above is just a summary from what I learnt from the 190 pages. You definitely will learn more from the actual book. It is very helpful for all kind of writers.

Kindly subscribe below and share the post with your fellow writers 🙂 Thank you for your time 🙂

by
Keep Reading
Creative Non-Fiction

MY HAPPY PERSON 2

By

It’s a tricky time to write because almost always and somehow, the topic ends up at Corona virus. Alafu you Kenyans, what is this joke of dancing to a coffin?!! 😀 I swear Kenyans amuse me. But then, we all have different coping mechanisms right? For Kenyans, it is memes. Kenyans is Me 😀

So you guys remember My Happy Person right? He grew up. ‘Hassan’ (not his real name but because my dad kinda loves this name and because Hassan from kite runner is my most favourite fictional character of ALL TIMES!!!) is now four years old and is totally adoooorable!! Also, he started school and madrasa. Remember when we joked how I’d be the one to take him to school once he joined because he ‘disliked’ me passionately and wouldn’t even cry for me if I left him there? Well guess what? On the D-day, I didn’t accompany him because my heart was literally aching at the thought of how much he’d cry. Weak heart, I know 😀 He is a super cry baby so we all know how that went. However, to our utmost surprise, by the third day he had already adapted. He wasn’t crying anymore. He would wake up at fajr like an adult, demand for a book and pencil to write on, and repeat several times ‘school’ because he can’t just wait to get there. We were shook y’all. We thought he’d cry for an entire week AT LEAST. But here he was!

By the third week of school, my boy was famous. When he’d just arrive at the vicinity of the school, his classmates would start chanting, ‘YELLOW! YELLOW! YELLOW!’ Now here are some random facts:

*He still doesn’t know how to speak apart from some few words.

*He uses colour codes to describe what he wants.

He really is addicted to juice, which happens to be yellow in colour. So whenever he’d want the juice, he’d say Yellow instead. I guess that is how his classmates ended up nicknaming him Yellow. We were concerned he’d be bullied at school because of his difficulty in speech but to our surprise, he turned out to be the ‘cool kid’. I don’t know why or how, but everyday we’d take him to his class and everyone starts chorusing his name, everyone calling him to their table, some making space for him to sit, some showing him their snacks, God! It is overwhelming even for me to watch. He is an anxious kid himself so you can imagine the discomfort of being the center of attention 😀 I think he is also adapting to that, perhaps even liking it a little bit. I see how he has this hidden-yet-not-so-subtle smile creeping on his lips. It is nice to be seen.

The once very annoying kid now gives me full hugs and kisses and doesn’t mind to sleep with me and sometimes just randomly walks into my room, calls out my name then rumbles things i’d never understand. Oh and yes! He even says ‘I love you’ back 😀 Y’all better say mashallah, took me nearly 4 years of complaining a lot and forcing my love on him till he accepted it. This reminds me, there were times i’d sit with him, patting his hair and say, ‘May Allah protect you, say ameen’ He would say ‘Ameen’. ‘May Allah guide you, say ameen’ ‘Ameen’. And we would go on like that until I say ,’May Allah make you love me’ and he would LEGIT KEEP QUIET!!! Or even worse, walk away *Inserts weeping emojis* But then I guess love wins after all huh?!

Now we have another soldier in the house. Hassan’s younger brother. He is taller, more built than Hassan. He walks on his toes, literally and he is always trying to do some engineering. His hobby is picking screws and nails and any tools and just inserting them within any hole he sees in the house. That includes your torn clothe, if you put it on, next thing you have a nail poking you. His nick name is Hanuni. I call him Halimi so that when he grows up he can say he is ‘Halimi McDreamy’ (if you know, you know 😀 )Also, I tend to have special, separate nicknames for my loved ones *Grins* So Halimi is a hyper energetic one, mashallah. He has so much energy I think he most probably will end up in sports, or we will persuade him to do so because wow. so much energy. Hassan is sometimes scared of him because he hits him. So the kind of scenario you’ll find at home is Hassan running around screaming ‘Hanuni! Hanuni! Ma Hanuni!’ He is legit being bullied by his younger brother.

Halimi doesn’t like me much either. He is mostly throwing tantrums and being an angry bird. He used to call me ‘Dudii’ and now he calls me ‘Bulii’ like I am the bully?! He frequently walks into my room and pushes the door wide open till it hits the wall hard (yeah see what I mean by so much energy?) Then he walks in like a big boss, on his toes and looks around for anything to dismantle. And because my room is typically nerdy with so many books and study material, we have this game whereby whenever he walks in I start chasing him. Okay it wasn’t a game initially. I was seriously letting him out of the room so he doesn’t ruin my stuff but then he turned it into a game. So it typically goes two ways:

He pushes the door wide open, walks in and starts touching stuff. Mostly the earphones because he loves removing those tiny rubbers on them then either putting them in his mouth or just running away with them. And I follow him, pissed! while he is laughing, going to a corner to hide. Or sometimes as soon as he walks in and I turn my head towards him, he laughs then runs away.

On other occasions, as soon as I see him, I take him out of the room, close the door and while he is complaining, I tell him I love him. His mother always remarks, ‘What a way to love him, by chasing him away :D’

I pretty much envision Halimi protecting his brother in the future. Hassan is so compassionate and sweet right now, your heart would melt. Halimi is more charming and brave. I love them both too much. Anyway, I hope two years from now i’ll once again come here and tell you how much more Halimi loves me then. But anyway, he does love me even now because he has made my bedroom floor his favourite lying down place. Or maybe he just loves my room 😀 Let us wait till he starts talking then we ask him in shaa Allah.

Both boys are more attached to the male in our family, so they love my brother a lot, it makes me really jealous. My brother just has to exist and they love him so much mashallah (thu thu thu 😀 ) Like when they’d just hear his voice they go to the door, Halimi calls him ‘Sidoo’ in such a sweet way, and they’d hug him and literally feed him like he is the baby and they’d want to be carried by him. Come to my case now, I sometimes have to beg for a hug y’all *Weeping a river* I guess some of us just didn’t get the love luck y’all 😀

They make me happy. Like genuinely, whole-heartedly happy. They talk gibberish which is hilarious to listen to and they make everything so much lovelier! I could be in the worst of moods, about to have a nervous breakdown but they still melt my heart. May Allah protect them both! ameen! 😀

I shared these two little angels with you because to be honest, I don’t know how else to make it easier or lighter during such a tricky time. But I hope the 5, or is it 3 minutes you spent reading this will bring a smile on your face.

It is not dark and gloom my people. There is good and joy and love in this life. Please take it easy on yourself. Pray a lot. For my anxious fam, this too shall pass. Have firm faith that Allah is in control and will for sure protect and guide us. Ameen. Stay safe! Don’t forget to smile! 🙂

***

Thank you for reading! Please subscribe below! 🙂

by
Keep Reading
Travel

MOVING ABOUT IN THE CORONA ERA

By

It could never be me.

That’s what we think when we hear about the coronavirus right? At least for some people.

It could simply be our hopeful thinking or maybe, just our naivety onto how the universe really works. Evil and tragic events seem so far stretched. Of course no one wants to contract a deadly virus, we simply think ‘those things don’t happen to people like me’ until they actually do.

We very well know that as a country, we are NOT prepared at all to deal with the coronavirus. As a coping mechanism, Kenyans, being helpless most times, do what they do best; get to social media and rant on twitter, complain about the government and make memes like we always do during all kind of tragedies.

I can’t speak for the government or the Kenyans. But I can speak for my people, ‘the anxious society of Kenya’ (don’t google it, it doesn’t exactly exist). So, since the start of the virus, my mother has woken me up severally in my sleep, as early as 4 a.m. in the morning so that I can listen to an audio, a video or a WhatsApp message about the Corona virus. A few times, the messages had claims that the virus was already in our country but the patients are being treated discreetly (This was before the first case was reported). Struggling to keep my eyes open enough to read the blurry messages, my mother says with a finality, ‘Cancel all your meetings. All the events you were to go to. You can’t risk it.’ 

‘Ma…’ I start to object but she immediately interrupts me with how much we are underestimating this virus and how we think ‘it can never be us’. Her tone is really high for morning. You can hear the panic in her voice; alarming, and the utmost frustration in her voice because we still want to go to work despite the ‘danger’. I try to calm her down, recommending her to take a break from Whatsapp because it is, very evidently, hyping up her anxiety.

I am familiar with anxiety because I am my mother’s daughter. But whereas I am 98% anxiety, hers is double that. While I advise her on how to filter the information she receives on the virus, I am texting my friends who are travelling or about to travel, asking again and again if they think it is safe enough to travel at this time, whether they are taking the necessary precautions and if they said their prayers for protection.

Someone out there is walking to their airplane seat, while a panic attack surfaces because now, ‘I am not only scared of a turbulence, I am scared of breathing.’ Another is contemplating on how to humbly reject the hand shake from that very important client who has just flown in from Finland because, ‘Oh my God, do I even know in which continent Finland is? How can I be sure this handshake is indeed safe? Is this million dollar deal worth the handshake?’ Another is at the airport to pick their relative coming in from Middle East and the thought is, ‘Would they be offended if I refused to hug them?’ 

It is a crazy time to be alive let alone be moving around. 2020 came in with a huge wave, full of tragedies.

Image result for 2020, world war 3 threats, kobe died, Australian bushfire, earthquake, coronavirus-meme

Well, it’s just March and we all want to know; who pissed off 2020 like this?!!

I mean, even pilgrimage to Makkah by Muslims has been paused for now. That is something that will definitely go down in the books of history because throughout my entire short life I never heard of Makkah rejecting pilgrims apart from the times the place was too crowded to accommodate everyone. As it is, masajids are being closed temporarily and Jum3ah prayers are cancelled. Makkah prayers are being led with very few ma’mumas. The thought that Ramadhan might arrive on us while still handling the virus is so heartbreaking 🙁 Imagine a Ramadhan with no taraweh or tahajjud prayers. Imagine having no spiritual gatherings and iftaar for the entire month!! Everything seems to be at a standstill. Olympics might be cancelled!! Several other sporting events have already been cancelled or postponed. The global economy is being greatly affected. Traveling is now an extreme sport, yet the very low ticket prices seem to be so tempting. The best yet riskiest time to travel, aye? Some people are actually doing it! Others are rejoicing in their PJ’s as they work from home while students enjoy having classes being cancelled for about an entire month!

Nonetheless, as every day passes, we realize how real this pandemic is.

Yet, have you ever thought of how much rougher it is for the Asians right now, ALL OVER THE WORLD? They not only have to deal with the virus but also with the stigma and racism due to the origin of the virus. The dilemma is; how do we protect ourselves without seeming racist? Where do we draw the line between seeking protection and being out-rightly racist?! (Something to ponder on)

When the year began and everyone was frantic about it, one of my lecturers studying in China sent us a video to assure us that she was safe and far from the affected areas and that the main limitation was having to stay indoors and everything being done online at the moment. This could be very well a horror movie, only it is real life. Pretty much like ‘The Bird Box’ only this time, the mask is on our noses/mouths instead of eyes.  ‘If you touch it, you die.’

While the whole world is panic buying masks, toilet papers and sanitizers, we too as Kenyans have joined the bandwagon. But other than that, we are investing our time into our greatest talent; making memes!! Here are some memes sourced from: https://eaglenewskenya.com/

Image may contain: one or more people, possible text that says 'Corona virus: s:*gets into Kenya.* Locusts: @fantacymemes Look at me. I'm in Charge here.'
Image result for kenyan memes on world bank and corona
Image
Image result for italy: lockdown, kenya: don't panic, wash your hands

Best of all, is this video clip of the shortest horror movie! (Not made in Kenya)

The other day I was in a public vehicle and had a scratch in my throat. I had the urge to cough but I could visualize how heads would turn towards me if I did. And the horror that would strike them after that. To cut the long story, I did not cough. And now with us Kenyans, we don’t even know how we will survive. In some areas there is lack of water, the matatus are usually filled to the brim, many Kenyans live in slums or very close neighbourhoods. We can’t afford to work from home because majority of Kenyans are casual labourers and need to go to their work places. We have so many people who are vulnerable and at high risk of contracting the virus if it keeps spreading.

I imagine all the people living in the affected areas, having to live with only what they have. I imagine those in quarantine. Those who are separated from their loved ones during this phase; maybe forever. The people working in transport industries, airports, the bus/air crew, the really crowded areas like immigration offices. The people working in markets or using public transport or dealing with many people every day and most importantly, our doctors. In short, everyone. It could be us.

We pray that this tragedy ends soon and that we stay protected because for us Kenyans really, it is only God who can help us.

Parting Note: Pray. Pray for the whole world. That this epidemic ends soonest. That 2020 becomes a better year for all of us. Show love to all the doctors, nurses and medics working so hard to contain this virus and who continue to work everyday despite being at higher risk; pray for them too! Wash your hands. Protect yourselves. Don’t panic-buy; think of others. Watch the news from reliable sources. Don’t believe everything you hear until you confirm. Don’t forward messages until you confirm. Don’t be part of the panic perpetrators. Don’t be racist. Reach out to ensure your loved ones are safe. Be grateful for being alive. Avoid crowded areas, don’t be a hero. Stay safe people!

P.N 2: Duas for you because I honestly care:

***

Thank you for reading! Kindly don’t forget to subscribe below!

by
Keep Reading
Travel

THE MISADVENTURES OF OUT AND ABOUT MUSLIMS

By

This article (edited version) was first published on ‘Travel Log Magazine’ an insert of Standard Newspaper on 5/3/2020

With Muslims, everything works in a very organized, systematic way. There is a manual for everything; how to do it, when to do it, where to do it. Very detailed and straight forward. Now the struggle comes when you are out and about and applying your way of life sometimes seems like an impossible task.

There are common struggles every Muslim explorer (even just hanging out in your own locality) will relate to, whether they are from across the globe from us or just your next door neighbour. Here are a few:

  • The empty-bottle carriers: One of the biggest struggles Muslims face while traveling, is having to walk around with an empty bottle because there is no water in the toilets. Thus, one of the essentials during packing is that empty bottle that you’ll use to fill in water at the toilet sinks, sometimes back and forth, to use for clean-up after the call of nature. It is quite amusing though. Don’t these hotels (and sometimes airports) know that Muslims are quite a majority as well? How then have they never thought of making it a better experience for Muslims?

Side note: Empty bottles because airports don’t allow passengers to have full water bottles. Otherwise, we travel with our small filled up bottles quite often.

  • A little yoga: It is time for prayers so you go take ablution. In your mind though, you know too, it’s time for a little yoga. There is no proper area to take ablution except the sink and thus when it is time to clean your feet, you have to raise them up into the sink to wash them. This is in between staring at the door hoping that no worker will walk in and see you in what seems to be quite an uncivilized manner, at the same time hoping you do not hurt your hip while your leg being that high up. The struggle is real.
  • Prayer room you ask? What’s that? : Ironically, even in Mombasa where we have majority Muslims, many hotels never think of providing this. Now Muslims mostly have to arrange their picnic times post prayers or in between prayer times because ‘we won’t get a private room or a clean place to pray.’ The only other options are: Either we go for the picnic and not pray the entire day or not go for the picnic altogether. Such a shame!
  • Sometimes you get the advantage of having booked your own room and can pray in it. But because you can only afford a cheap hotel, the only space you have to pray is on top of your bed. Yes. There is not even enough space to place your small prayer mat on the floor. So you climb on your bed and now start thinking of which is the ‘qiblah’ (the direction Muslims face during prayers). You have no internet bundles to check a compass so you run about the place asking for any Muslim who can show you the qiblah or ask anyone who knows where North is (because North is the direction we face). You remind yourself to download the ‘Muslim-Pro’ app during your next adventure. Or perhaps should we call them misadventures?

Side note: Muslim Pro is an app that alerts the Muslim on prayer time, shows them the qiblah amongst other things.

  • You crave meat. But can you afford to crave it? : You are at the restaurant. It’s a whole new environment for you. You don’t know the cultures of these people, so you ask, “Is this meat halaal?” The first waiter doesn’t know so they call another waiter. “Is this meat halaal?” You ask again, but no one seems to be sure. Or perhaps they don’t really understand what halaal is and why you want halaal meat so badly. After several attempts of trying to find out, you decide to order another meal altogether. So much for craving meat huh?!

Side note: Halaal means permissible according to Islamic law. Some meat is forbidden such as pork or birds of prey with claws. There is also laws on how the slaughtering should be done and what kind of animals to avoid entirely.

To be fair, we do have some locations that are religious-friendly and they try to make the experience as wholesome as possible. Meanwhile, we are enjoying our misadventures amidst our great explorations. When we finally get our perfect destinations, it’s over for you guys haha!

by
Keep Reading
Creative Non-Fiction

THE GAME OF CARDS

By

Image by Nina Stock from Pixabay

The Matatu industry folks are the masters of the game of cards. They are smart. They are quick, very resilient and sometimes, even cunning. Now here’s the thing about them, they know for a fact that you need them. But they also know when to lure you into their game when need be.

You get to the matatu stage at 6 or 7 am in the morning, and the stage is already crowded with all manner of people. The matatus are scarce and with scarcity, comes one other thing, MONEY. At this time, the conductors won’t even look you in your eyes. The moment the matatu stops at the stage, they say what they need to say, without blinking their eyes. “Tao express, 100” and because the mwananchi is desperate to get to work early or else their salary will be sliced, they might as well just board the matatu as is. You will see some reluctant faces, some trying to whisper to the conductor, in a desperate attempt to get him to be more reasonable with the price. But this is not ‘the right talking’ moment. More times than not, the conductors are not interested in hearing your sad tone that early in the morning. So, they allow in who can afford it. The rest wait until the next humane conductor stops.

On other mornings, the matatus are so scarce, everyone is scrambling into the matatu like a tag of war. Some go further by jumping in through the window, and by the time everyone is settled down, we all need a minute to straighten our shirts and skirts and take a breath. I know, the struggle is real!

At this point, the matatu folks know very well what they are doing. There are totally no compromises, no humanity at this point. On other mornings, they will listen to your desperate bargain, ask you to board and when the time to pay your fare comes, they tell you, ‘Don’t you know it is rush hour?!’ My friend, if you had given the conductor more than the fare you bargained, best believe you will not get the change you expected or not get any change entirely. And because this money was budgeted, you try to reason with him, ‘Tuliongea’ or ‘Lakini ulikubali’ but your attempt will not be fruitful. So you attempt using your aggressive, firm tone but you know what? That doesn’t scare them either. In the end, you get tired and keep quiet or they ask you to alight before your actual destination. But do you know which the most annoying scenario is? You talk to the conductor and agree on the fare. You board the matatu, and next two stages ahead, the conductor you talked to alights. He wasn’t even the one in charge and now the next one who comes in doesn’t have time to listen to your blame story.

Darwin’s theory of ‘survival is for the fittest’ makes sense in so many ways. Like in this case, we are all desperate Kenyans, barely making ends meet. The economy is rough on everyone. But who suffers the most? The middle and lower class of the society. Barely anyone wants to be the next Mother Theresa or Mahatma Gandhi. We are all hungry. We are all hustlers. So it really isn’t ‘their’ fault to spike the fare prices in an unreasonable manner when they are just trying to survive too right? At least that’s how some think.

I mean, how many times have you boarded a matatu during morning or evening rush, or during the rain season or holiday season or a matatu strike, and you are told 100 bob every stage. EVERY. SINGLE. STAGE. That means it doesn’t matter if my stage is fifteen minutes away or one hour away, we are all paying the same.

The ones who get it the roughest are the visitors from other parts of the country or abroad especially during the holiday season. Funny thing, it is always very easy to spot a visitor because oblivion and confusion is always on their faces. They will constantly remind the conductor to drop them at their stage, keenly staring at the road ahead. Or the instances where we have teachers’ conferences here in Mombasa and suddenly the prices are doubled for every person, whether a local or a visitor. It is as though the teachers are coming with some funds to share with the community over here. I mean, what’s even the explanation for such manipulation?

Now flip the coin, to during the non-rush hours like between 10:00 a.m. to 3 p.m., you will see totally different people. Same faces, just different behaviour. As soon as they see you coming towards the stage, the conductor will come for you. Sometimes, the driver even reverses his car to where you are. In another second, there are three or four other conductors, all trying to convince you into their matatu. One will try holding your hand, another will tell you their matatu is about to leave; only two people remaining before it fills up (by two they actually mean five or seven people), another will offer you a way lower fare price. If you came to the stage with a bodaboda, they will rush to pay off the bodaboda guy so you are left with no choice but board their matatu. They will plead with you. They will remind you that ‘you are our daily customer’. Another will tell you the driver is calling you or your friend is in their matatu. They will fight for you. If you have low self-esteem, they could actually make you feel that you matter. And yes, you definitely do because their survival game is affected by your coins. Yet, they could crash that same self-esteem they built moments ago by selling you off to another conductor for only 20 bob 😀

Their faces turn from 0 to 100 real quick. They know how to navigate around the police system. They know when to be aggressive. When to be swift. When to be stern. When to be greedy; overloading the matatu with passengers until people are suffocating. When to be friendly. When to be kind. When to be empathetic. Of course this is not how it is with all of them. Some are more understanding of the struggle fellow Kenyans are in too and some are friendly and reasonable regardless of the time. However, most times than not, they are just playing their cards.

Funny thing is, most Kenyans with white collar jobs perceive the matatu industry to be of a lower grade; for the illiterate, poor, uncivilized people. However, the money that matatu drivers and conductors make is way more than what an average Kenyan earns in a white collar job. How they use the money is a different story but we’ve had students educate themselves throughout college using the money earned being a matatu conductor/driver.

So next time you want to pity them or underestimate them, think twice. You are probably being played more than you realize it.

***

Thank you for reading 🙂 Kindly share and subscribe if you haven’t already 🙂

by
Keep Reading
Mental Health

THE LANGUAGE OF COMPASSION DURING CONFLICT

By

Most people underestimate the power of words and language in our daily lives and how it eventually influences the path we tread on. In the heat of a moment, sometimes we say what we don’t mean, and think that ‘sorry’ will suffice at the end of the day. But what if, just what if, we decided to be more careful with what and how we speak in the first place? How can we still show love and compassion towards our partners and family during a conflict?

Doctor Gottman, an American psychological researcher and clinician who did extensive work over four decades on divorce prediction and marital stability, founded ‘The Love Lab’. He is known for his 90% accuracy in predicting divorce and has provided us with four primary predictors of divorce called ‘ Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse‘. These four are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.  

Criticism: When someone criticizes their partner, it implies that something is wrong with them or that you are attacking their character. In this case, one focuses on winning the argument or proving the partner wrong. For example, when you say, ‘You never do this…’, ‘Why are you like this…’, ‘You’re always….’, the spouse feels attacked and elicits a defensive response. The right way is to make a complaint about your spouse’s behaviour and not attack their personality. For example, when X happened, I felt Y, and I need Z.

Contempt: This is the worst predictor of divorce. Contempt is any statement of nonverbal behavior that puts you on a higher ground than your partner. This could be mocking your partner, calling him/her names, hostile humour, hurtful sarcasm etc. It attacks your spouse’s sense of self. It is also intended to put down or emotionally abuse or manipulate him or her. Instead, the couple should build a culture of respect, appreciation, tolerance and kindness in the relationship.

Defensiveness: This is an attempt to defend yourself from a perceived attack with a countercomplaint. Another way is to act like a victim or whine. This can look like making excuses (e.g., external circumstances beyond your control forced you to act in a certain way). Saying things like “It’s not my fault,” or “I didn’t …” can also be cross-complaining, such as meeting your partner’s complaint or criticism with a complaint of your own or ignoring what your partner said. Couples are expected to take a moment, slow down and listen attentively to what their partner is saying without interrupting them. The point is: have conscious communication where you are both trying to understand what the other is saying and choosing the right way to respond.

Stonewalling: The silent treatment. Storming out. Shutting down. Changing the subject. Complete withdrawal from communication. All these are acts of stonewalling. It is a strategy we use to avoid conflict. This might be an, albeit unsuccessful, attempt to calm oneself when overwhelmed. However, a better way to deal with such situations is to learn to identify the signs that you or your partner is starting to feel emotionally overwhelmed. It’s a good idea to verbalize that you feel overwhelmed. You can both agree to take a break and that the conversation will resume when you are both calmer.

Apart from these predictors of divorce or separation, there are some patterns or behaviour that sometimes cause further conflict without being fully aware of it.

We are all wired differently, right? Different backgrounds, different personalities, different cultures, races, behaviours etc. As such, it is normal that we experience life and all our emotions differently. It will be quite illogical to think that our way of thinking or living is the ONLY right way to do it. This will just cause conflict and misunderstandings. As such, couples are advised to take time and understand each other’s love languages and work towards compromise rather than conflict.

Below are some main differences among couples and how they can reach a middle ground and understanding.

1. Independence 1st vs Togetherness 1st

Some people are more comfortable and relaxed working alone or being alone rather than interacting with others. One spouse could be more family oriented than the other. Perhaps one involves their parents/siblings in their lives while others prefer dealing with their issues by themselves as a couple.

Someone who values independence first might get irritated or frustrated when they do not get enough alone time. Or when a conflict arises, they NEED personal space. Here it is not a matter of wanting anymore, it is a NEED. That means, that if they don’t get their personal space ASAP, it will make them more anxious and stressed.

Togetherness first, needs more interaction with others and may become anxious when the partner is not readily available. They always seek comfort. They NEED to know that everything is okay. They need that emotional contact to relax, and the lack of it might cause further anxiousness.

When conflict arises, these two may get upset when their coping mechanism is not met by their partner.

Independence-First talking to Togetherness-first: “You are too needy! I can’t read your mind just tell me what you want!”

“You are selfish for always wanting attention”

Togetherness-First talking to Independence-first: “You just run off when we have to talk about something important!” 

“This doesn’t feel like a relationship, we are not a team!” 

“You are selfish for only caring about yourself!”

2. Slow to Upset vs. Readily Upset

Slow to upset people get anxious when there is conflict. They would rather remain silent to avoid further escalation of conflict. They stay calm to control the situation. They feel better about diffusing their upset feelings.

Readily upset need to speak up right away when something isn’t right. They feel that conflict and arguments are normal and for them, speaking up about their upset feelings helps them calm down.

Slow to upset talking to readily upset: “You throw temper tantrums anytime you don’t get something your way.” 

“Nothing is ever good enough for you, you are just always negative.”

Readily Upset talking to slow-upset: “You just cover up your true feelings just to avoid conflict.” 

“You just want to pretend like everything is okay.”

3. Problem Solving 1st vs. Understanding 1st

Problem-solving 1st people seek to deal with the situation by finding an appropriate plan for it. They don’t seek sympathy or validation from their partner. They don’t see the point in discussing feelings over what happened. They think, ‘Something wrong has happened, what do we do next?’

Understanding 1st feels instantly better when they get a little understanding from their partner. They feel soothed when they get a little support and compassion. For such people, acknowledging their emotions or the intentions underlying their actions is important. What Type of understanding is understanding first people looking for? It’s a matter of timing, it is not that they don’t want a solution, it is just they feel understanding comes first, then looking for a solution.

Problem-Solving talking to Understanding-first: “You just want to complain but never do anything to make things better” 

“You just want to be upset! Maybe you just like feeling miserable”

Understanding-First to Problem-solving first: “You don’t care how I feel, you just want to pretend as if nothing happened.”

“You just want to sweep your feelings under the rug.

What then can couples do to ensure more understanding?

1. Write down which core difference you are and which your partner is

2. Think of a specific time where this caused a conflict between you and your spouse.

3. Accept the idea that both of you have legitimate ways of relaxing

4. Stretch your comfort levels a bit so may give and take in a way where each of you gets your needs at least partially met. Write down what you can say and do to find a compromise.

No one can say one way of navigating life is better or more correct than the other. We are all different. The important thing is to understand the other person’s view and stand. You can’t always expect your spouse to cross over to your sideline. Sometimes, according to the situation, you give them the space they need and sometimes, they give you the attention you need. They say love isn’t always what makes marriages stronger…it is the understanding, compromises, compassion, mercy and forgiveness. Take the time to learn how your partner functions and copes during conflict. Be kind. Be understanding. Be compassionate. There has never been a shortcut to a successful marriage, has there?

Despite this being mostly about couples and marriage, this information is useful for any other kind of relationship or interaction as well!

REFERENCES:

  1. Notes by Dr Usman Mughni, MS, LMFTA, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.
  2. https://www.verywellmind.com/four-scientific-predictors-of-divorce-4045691
  3. https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-warning-signs-marriage-therapists-use-to-predict-divorce/
by
Keep Reading
Coast & Culture

HONOURING YOUR ROOTS

By

This article (edited version) was first published on ‘Travel Log Magazine’ an insert of Standard Newspaper on 9/1/2020

When you travel out of your country, for whatever reason, there will always be expectations imposed on you. Nothing will be said to you directly nor is there an old, smelly manuscript by the ancestors stating what is exactly expected of you. However, they still exist. And the moment you just step down from the airplane, your entire community awaits you.

1. Suddenly, you have become the elite of the community and being elite, comes with a price.

It doesn’t matter whether you went out of the country for studies or business or short holiday, especially when you currently live there, you are a different person of a different status now. And status comes with expectations; ‘when will you build your parents a kahouse at the farm at least they enjoy their old age?’ ‘Your uncle has been very ill. You should chip in in his medical bill.’ ‘Are you going to sponsor one of your siblings’ education now that you live in Australia?’

Now, no one really knows what you are doing there; the struggle, the high cost of living or even your earnings, but apparently, being out there somehow makes you wealthy. It could be so but perhaps not. Who cares to ask anyway?!

2. Your entire extended family and community that sometimes don’t even recognize you, expect gifts.

A few weeks or even months before your awaited arrival, the requests start coming in from your aunty who doesn’t really like you, your old friends you haven’t talked to in a year, your ex-neighbor who once did you a favor decades ago…you name it. Someone wants that designer perfume that isn’t available in Kenya, another wants a blow dryer they saw on TV, another wants a kasmall laptop tu. 

All this while, no one asks you whether you can afford it or not. Whether you have the ability to get the item or whether it will inconvenience you. Si uko ulaya? Haya! Deal with it!

3. Somehow, sometimes, a change of accent is considered betrayal of sorts.

‘So you went to live with the wazungus so now you know better eh? You can’t even speak like us anymore!’

Somehow, maintaining your accent equals to honouring your roots. So doing the opposite get people to gossip how your foreign accent is ‘pretential’ and ‘forced’ even though at their own seclusion, in front of their mirror, they try to imitate ‘your enhanced accent’ wishing they were you.

4. You MUST have adopted some of their mannerisms isn’t it?!

Queer questions will start streaming in, ‘I hear that there is an indigenous community there that eat crows, did you try it out too?’ ‘I heard that in their culture, they believe in unicorns, do you think they really exist?’ ‘There is a new Korean series, did you watch it while there?’

I mean, there MUST be something new you picked from them right?!

5. Come cook us a Turkish meal.

You’ve been in Turkey for how long again? 2 years?! You should prepare us a Turkish cuisine! I mean isn’t that the first thing after language that people learn in a new country?!

6. My friend, if your grandfather, your parent or any other individual was supporting you financially before, your travelling/living abroad cancels that automatically. You are now expected to act like a fully independent and a grown up finally! Your problems no longer exist and someone else definitely deserves the finances. I mean, who lives in Canada while being poor?! (even if you went to work there as a home care taker). You can never be broke. You can be broquè though; the elite, classic kind of lacking money. (It should be added on Modern dictionary!)

7. In fact, you are the loan guy now. You are the first person everyone thinks of when they are in trouble. The first person your reckless cousin calls when caught by the police for over-speeding. The first person to call when someone gets admitted to school. The first person invited to a baby shower or wedding. You are expected to act like a malfunctioning ATM machine.

The expectations come in different shapes and forms but the bottom line is this: for you to be respected, some of these expectations must be fulfilled. Once you gain the respect, no doubt, the entire community will be fond of you. Upon your arrival back home, you will be invited everywhere and be over-fed until you can barely walk on your two feet. You will be treated like a dignified individual even with people who never cared about you prior your ‘life-changing journey’. They will ask you for advice on the new business they want to start or anything else that you entirely have no idea about.

You will be forgiven for your otherwise unacceptable behavior. They will cut you some slack when you confront your elder with a rude tone, something that would otherwise have caused a hefty slap on your face. They will say things like, ‘He has been away for so long, the culture is different there’ and follow it with a moment of painful silence. Your younger cousins will call that privilege. The ones older than you will call it misuse of privilege.

When you are away, people will make video calls. The children will proudly tell their friends at school, ‘I have an aunty in London. Aha!’ That statement will be used as a means to gain friends, appear more likeable, bully other kids or threaten them. Family gatherings will be incomplete without you.

The chief of the mtaa will refer to you in the baraza meetings. Your mother will never refer to you by your name but instead say, ‘Si you know my eldest son? The one in Qatar, working as a manager?’ 

You are the pride of the community. Don’t let them down. Don’t forget your roots huh!

***

Don’t forget to subscribe below please 🙂

by
Keep Reading
Creative Non-Fiction

IF RESILIENCE WAS A BEING

By

I do not consider myself a proud Kenyan nor do I say, ‘Navumilia kuwa Mkenya’. Let’s just say, Kenya has its moments. More like a love-hate relationship filled with spontaneous mood swings; 0-100 real quick! There’s a lot to be sad about and even more to be angry for. I mean, we are the kind of country whereby you study four years of Journalism only to spend the next three years searching for a job in the media while a comedian ends up swooping that same job you’ve been craving at a radio station. To be fair, the comedians also struggle in their own way to get where they get to but it becomes illogical when these opportunities are not fairly and equally spread out among the masses. Definitely, ours is the ‘survival is for the fittest’ kind of economy whereby the resources are so limited, we are all trying to grab this one opportunity available.

It is that kind of country you graduate Engineering with honours but end up selling water within your neighbourhood, or even worse, you have to stand with a placard at the middle of the highway, stating your qualifications so that hopefully, JUST HOPEFULLY, someone isn’t too busy complaining about the traffic jam or the poor water drainage system and reads your placard. Thereafter, this someone is placed within his/her the grace of the Lord and decides to help you in some way. Or rather, take your photo and tweet about it. The power of social media I tell you!

It is also the kind of country where someone with no education whatsoever could end up being more successful than you’d ever dream to be because they know someone who knows someone who is in power or, they are super talented at sucking money out of people’s bank accounts in open day light. Yes, corruption and conning is in our country, a job of its own calibre. I am still talking of the unemployment disaster because it is really really bad out here. I mean, REALLY bad. 

Now don’t get me started on the cost of living, the economy, the health industry, the plight of the lower class, the struggles of the youth…the list is endless. Kenyans are sufferers; at least the majority are. A few months back, the form fours completed their final examinations with shouts and screams of joy, spraying the walls and their uniform with colours; they just ended what they call ‘a stressful era’ and all Kenyans can think of is ‘Should we tell them the truth or should we wait wapumzike? *Insert many laughing emojis*’ I mean, that alone says a lot about the despair Kenyans are at. We are mostly hopeless of our country than we are hopeful.

But here’s the thing about Kenyans: we are the most resilient beings. It amazes me. It awes me. Kenyans make fun of their own misery such that it gives them strength to actually push on to the next day. Kenyans live on the spirit, ‘Our lives are so much a tragedy, it has become a comedy.’ We laugh a lot. We perhaps make the best come-backs, best replies on twitter and memes of every other event that happens. We make jokes about our ridiculous leaders. We joke about the cost of living. We joke when we are robbed, singing ‘bella Ciao’ like a bank didn’t just lose millions. We joke when we cry. We joke when we succeed. We joke when we fail and when everything seems to be at dead end. People would call us insane just by the way we react with laughter at E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Yet in my opinion, this kind of spirit is what makes Kenyans stand tall and walk through the storm despite the odds. We laugh because despite saying ‘this is life’, we still wake up the next morning to try again, make protests and demands on the streets, make noise, call out to the leaders, fail, fail miserably, yet we will do it again next morning.

Amidst all the despair and hopelessness, we create our own happiness. We see a man eating his githeri from a plastic bag throwing them into his mouth like groundnuts whilst waiting in queue to vote, and we decide ‘hey! That is something!’ And there came about the hashtag #GitheriMan who ended up uniting and bringing us laughter at a very tense period. We all tune in on TV to watch Eliud Kipchoge take on the ‘No Human is Limited’ challenge and we all leave everything aside, to watch history being made. To watch a fellow Kenyan shine because God knows, we desperately need a win. Soon after, we make ‘No Human is Limited’ memes because we are Kenyans and we thrive on laughter. We see our president look up in the sky at the planes being displayed during Mashujaa day at the revamped mama Ngina drive and we decide to quote it as ‘Na hii hapa juu, Mheshimiwa Rais, ni gharama ya maisha *Insert laughing emojis*’ We still retweet hilarious posts by fellow Kenyans with the hashtag #KenyaSihamiiii. We stand together with King Kaka as he performs his #WajingaNyinyi spoken word, giving us all something to ponder on.

We come together to mourn during tragedies and we celebrate our fellow Kenyans whenever we get a chance to. We left all our differences aside when Miriam Kighenda and her 4-year old daughter drowned at the Likoni Ferry tragedy, we prayed for them and mourned the loss. When the Ethiopian airlines crashed, we were devastated. The loss was unfathomable and we cried together. Just as much as we come together every Olympics and marathons to celebrate our very talented athletes, breaking records every now and then.

I don’t think we are at a good place as a country. The misery definitely supersedes the good done for Kenyans. However, we can’t close our eyes to how brilliant and strong Kenyans are. We fall, again and again and again. But we always, always find a way to survive. We innovate. We come together. We stand up for our rights. We make demands. We start our own businesses. We hope despite the hopelessness. We help when we can. We make a difference in our communities. Yet most importantly, we have learned how to find laughter even in the darkest of moments.

Life is definitely tough, not just for Kenyans but many other Africans as well. Politics is a dirty game. Our leaders are mostly a huge fail. Opportunities are like a blue moon. But if resilience was a human being, then Kenyans would be it!

***

Kindly subscribe below to get the articles first hand, right in your inbox! 😉

by
Keep Reading
Creative Fiction

YOU MET YOUR MATCH. AGAIN.

By

The year is twenny twenny (2020) and twirra (twitter) is on fire. The trending hashtags are #worldwarIII #Soleimani #AustraliaonFire #Iran #Iraq #USA. The memes are hilariously alarming. We are still talking about Trump’s impeachment. The concentration camps and Islamophobic, ethnic cleansing of Muslims in China and India. The attacks in Somalia. The trending Netflix series is YOU and Messiah. It is just the fourth day of the new decade, and you already know it. WE.ARE.MESSED.UP.

Now for you, you couldn’t be less bothered. You stand in front of the mirror in your polka-dot pink pajama. It is barely 7 a.m. But who cares? You need to post a video of your self-affirmations on Instagram.

You straighten up your long black hair and push it away from your face.

“I am strong. I am kind. I am honest. I am happy. I am fierce. I am beautiful. I am confident. I am outstanding…” Suddenly you remember, You forgot to take your morning photo! The morning photo you were to take to out-do Nora, your old workmate who now works across the globe from you. Nonetheless, who cares where she lives now? How dare she get more likes and comments than you? You can never allow that to happen. You, you are the epitome of beauty and every one should recognize that.

You pause your video. You move towards the balcony, make sure that the sunrise is dramatically appearing in your photo. Oh wait. Your favourite cup of coffee must appear too. You quickly peep in your mirror to ensure that no perks of dirt are still on your eyes. Liiighhht make-up. Okay perfect. Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap again. Perfect. Perfect image. Perfect sunrise. Perfect hair. Perfect skin. You post it on your Instagram with the hashtag ‘I woke up like this.’

You finish your self-affirmations video. Post it with the hashtag #selflove as you keenly wait for the likes notification to start ringing. Do you really need those affirmations though? I mean, aint you the very perfect? Charming? Powerful? Most successful? But maybe you do need them after all. Perhaps your deep inner child recognizes your starvation of love.

You scroll through your Instagram, rolling your eyes at everyone’s new year resolutions. They are mediocre people aren’t they? Mediocre people = mediocre goals. But you, YOU are special. You hang around with the bigwigs. You make people laugh. Your confidence makes these tiny little brains come running to you; wagging their tails. You are powerful. You are something else.

You come across Lydia’s end of year post. She has lost 10 kilograms in a span of two months. She is grateful. She looks graceful. You roll your eyes again. “Whom are you lying to Lydia? Isn’t this the third time in five years that you have lost 10 kgs? So what now? You think you will make it this year just because it is friggin 2020?” You type like a maniac. You’re just about to post it. Then you remember. You have an identity to keep up. It took you years to build this persona that everyone loves and ‘worships’. You quickly delete and write instead, “Aww. I am so proud of you honey. I personally know how far you have come. 2020 is definitely going to be a better year for you. Count on me to always support you. xoxo.”

You scroll on. There is Aisha. She became a neurosurgeon this year. Her million dollar smile irks you. She is perfect. More perfect than you. Stable career. Stable marriage. She even has a child already! Urgh! It infuriates you that Aisha does not take notice of YOU. How can she ignore you while you went to the same university, same batch?! Well apart from the fact that you mostly made her heart a meal for your ego, why would she ignore YOU? You are thee queen. The goddess. Aisha is lost. She doesn’t know what she is doing and you know it, she will definitely regret it someday. She will realize your worth and come back begging for your ‘golden’ (mostly one-sided) friendship.

Tim on the other hand is posting a post at 2 a.m. Is he for real? What’s worse he is talking about his journey from being homeless to moving to a bedsitter. His 2020 goal? To have his own one bedroom house? Ati Big dreams, baby steps. “SMH. I DON’T RELATE”

Your timeline is filled with ladies and gentlemen flexing their summer and new year outfits. You roll your eyes again. Way, WAY below your standards. What are they showing off about anyway? Cheap clothes bought on December sale?

You are petty and you know it. So you quickly type onto your Instagram story ‘Some of you are poor and it shows.’ Followed by hysterical posts of ‘Some of you don’t know jokes. I was joking.’ Were you though? Do you really believe you were?

Anyways, who cares? Lydia, Aisha, Nora, Tim…all so mediocre. You take a killer photo, all dressed up. Your face is lit. You ARE lit. It is your time to shine. You write your story. Your very powerful, moving story of success and pure talent. How you overcame mountains. How NO ONE could ever understand what you went through. It is captivating. Almost a tear-jerker. Almost, because there is someone who actually sees you through the facade you keep.

Your post is soon filled with emotional, supportive comments from your 10k followers. Then you see it. That one, unexpected comment. That comment you’d rather never see. “Hi there. It’s been a long time coming. I am glad to know you’re doing well.” There is a smiling emoji after the statement. That suspiscious, enigmatic half-smile emoji that you never really know what to make of it.

You shudder. You read the name again. It is him. Him, who once meant everything to you then in a blink, took it all away. It all comes back to you. That intense, otherwise crazy relationship, that broke you down to shatters. The arrogance. The vanity. The superiority complex. You two, you were/are so much alike, you did not even understand the magnitude of the toxicity. Call it soul mates. Call it finding-your-match. Only, he defeated you. And that is something you will never get past. The defeat.

His simple comment crushes you. Because you know it. He knows it.

Someone actually recognizes you for who you truly are.

Hey there narcissist. You met your match. Again.

***

Kindly scroll below to subscribe and get my articles first hand. Thank you!

by
Keep Reading

Powered by WordPress