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Arrogance


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For quite some time, people were drowning in self-pity and throwing pity party for themselves due to low self-esteem. Social media became the voice of all the people trying to fit in, breaking and self-loathing. It became our dearest diary, so we spoke up. We talked of our deepest pain and how we wish we could be like so and so, look like so and so, dress like so and so, have partners like so and so…Slowly with time, the social media power gave people a chance to appreciate themselves, love how they are without having to necessarily to fit in. Different became the new trend. It was all good at first. Emotional support from people we barely know, a chance to know people who are like us…until finally, FINALLY, we learnt to embrace ourselves. It was great! Self-love rocks no doubt. But something else happened too. We now became overly-obsessed with ourselves. And as the saying goes, ‘Too much of anything is poisonous.’

We don’t want anyone correcting us, we don’t want anyone to put a mirror in front of us and show us the darkness eating our insides like worms. We became the untouchables. Me above Everyone else. Me as flawless as I am. Me being perfect. Look, look at the particles of empathy slip between our fingers. Look at kindness being the toilet rag. Look at appreciation breaking into a thousand glass pieces. Look at forgiveness flying with the wind. While we were showering ourselves with all this love we desperately needed, we over-stepped a bit. We became too blinded and eventually did not recognize the beast we have created within ourselves with Social media being our partner in crime.This beast is called Narcissism.

Narcissism: extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

Don’t get me wrong, self-love is so beautiful and uplifting for the soul but when we let it infest our brains like mites, we become arrogant. We become selfish (not in the good way). We look down upon others who are on a different journey from ours and disregard and call names to anyone trying to advise us. We idolize ourselves too much to the extent we disrespect other people.There’s a thin line between self-love and Narcissism, and majority of us have crossed it.

So we became these people who can’t be told anything, unapproachable and inhumane. We speak and treat people recklessly in the name of loving ourselves.

The thing with people is that they don’t forget. They don’t forget how good or bad or even how indifferent you were to them. And you might be so surprised how something small you did to a person years back may result to them helping you in a difficult situation or decide to do the total opposite.

{Worship God alone and do not associate with Him any partners. Be kind to your parents and near of kin, to orphans, the needy, the neighbor who is related to you and the neighbor who is a stranger, the friend by your side, the wayfarer, and those whom your right hands possess. God does not love those who are arrogant and boastful.} (Qur’an: 4: 36)

A simple example, I know of this lady during campus who was staying at the hostels and one time needed help fixing her room plug which wasn’t functioning. So she asked the campus guard for help and he did fix it. Some other girls were really surprised that he had actually helped because they had just a few days asked him for help and he didn’t offer any help. They asked the lady jokingly why he favoured her and she said, ‘I usually greet him every time I pass by the gate’ And that was just it. She greeted him and he appreciated it more than she personally imagined.

Have you for example ever seen the reaction of a non staff, like the school cook or guard or cleaner when you coincidentally bump into them after you are done with school and actually recognize who they are and greet them? They most probably would give you a glowing smile, not necessarily because of the greeting but mostly because you remembered who they are. They really appreciate you for it. And that’s how it always is with people. Your simple act of kindness and respect goes a long way.

Right now most of us thump our chests and say, ‘I don’t need anyone. Kwani who are they to me? Hawanilishi hawanivishi’ Well, it may be true they don’t feed or clothe you but that doesn’t make you any better than them or them any lesser than who you are. People keep pumping it to us that we shouldn’t listen to what others tell us. That this is your life, do as you wish. You are not accountable to anyone nor does anyone have the right to question your behaviour. But where do we draw the line between self-love, our self-efficacy, our independence and straight up disrespect and narcissism?

Self-efficacy is an individual’s belief in his or her innate ability to achieve goals. 

 “And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height.” (Surah Israa: verse 37)

I agree that certainly there are circumstances whereby one needs to disregard what others say about you. Like when they make you feel inferior or paint you in an unrecognizable way. Like when people try to stop you from achieving your goals or being who you truly are. Nonetheless, bad behaviours shouldn’t be romanticized with, ‘This is who I am so like me as I am or leave’. Like really?!

I purposely highlighted bad habits because I don’t want the statement to be misunderstood. Yes, none of us is perfect. We all have personality flaws and bad behaviours. But the only time we are justified to ask people to accept us for who we are is when we are trying to be better and working on ourselves, NOT as we continue disrespecting other people or the bad habits we have.

Remember the advice of Luqman Al Hakim to his son:
[And Luqman said], “O my son, indeed if wrong should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allah is Subtle and Acquainted.O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful.And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys.” (Surah Luqman: 16-19)

Don’t allow this temporary world make you be egoistic, boastful, inconsiderate and impolite because truly, you never know who will benefit you eventually. So treat people as you would want to be treated.

Be kind. Respect others. Love yourself within limits and enough to accept your mistakes and work on being better. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Because yes, what goes around comes around. In Arabic we say, ‘Kama tadin tudan’ to mean ‘What you do unto others will eventually be done on you too!’

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Abu Darda (RA) reported that Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one’s good manners.”(Al-Bukhari)

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There are many people in this world who are successful, who have been successful, who know the taste of success yet just a few know the taste of progress, consistency and prosperity. You have become the doctor the always wanted to become now what next? You have always wanted to own your own business, now you do. Yes you have succeeded. But after that is there any progress? Is your dream bringing in goodies like you expected? You have passed university level with flying colours…but where is the job? It is therefore one thing to succeed and quite another to be blessed in what you do.

There is the famous saying that goes like, ‘it is the little things that matter.’ Yes, even in success, it is the little, small, tiny gestures of humanity, love and humility that keeps pushing us the ladder. Let me mention to you a few things that isn’t taught to us yet it should.

1.Your parents; they are your secret weapon, secret key to success of all kinds. Whether it is to pass your exams, get a job, get a promotion, get a good spouse, have a beautiful life here and the hereafter too…all lies in how you treat and deal with your parents. It may be something you don’t see directly; they are not the ones to literally grant you the promotion or miraculously make your exam results turn out great but it is all a matter of how pleased and happy they are with you. Yes, I mean it. Be a good child. Remember your parents all the time. Make them happy, not by showering them with money, but by giving them your quality time, by helping them, by loving them, by showing them that you care for them more than your phone or your corny girlfriend/boyfriend.

Have you ever seen an educated person with a good job yet is still miserable? Have you seen an intelligent, brilliant student yet they still struggle to pass? Well they could be having other troubles but trust me, when your parents are pleased with you, you will see how things will work out easily. You will see how God will shower you with blessings from all corners and you wonder how. Ever seen two siblings, one who has succeeded in their education and maybe is wealthy too yet the drop-out reaches a higher level of success and attainment of happiness? It doesn’t matter what your religion is, as a matter of fact, all faiths have always insisted about parents and how we should always be kind to them. So this is it. You want to succeed in this life and the next? Please your parents. Never underestimate their prayers for you or the smile that you put on their face. And by the way, the more difficult your parents are to please, the more blessed you become. Do it tirelessly. Help them sincerely with a lot of love. And when you do this, always put the intention that you want God to bless your life for your actions towards your parents. Try this out. I promise by God’s will, you will see a change in your life!

2.Your teachers, your lecturers, your tutors…you name it; they also play a big role to ensure your progress but only if you prove to them that you are worth it. Most of us when we get to high school level and university, we tend to believe that our teachers are useless. We mock them, give them ugly nicknames, judge them by how  they dress etc etc. It is usually all part of the ‘school fun’ as some would name it. But besides that all, your teacher deserves respect from you however mean, ugly, dirty, foolish, awkward they are. They deserve your respect for their title, ‘teacher’. You may not really get this but intelligence is not the secret to success trust me. Teachers are very observant and keen on every students’ behaviour. They appreciate hardworking students, humble and those who appreciate them too. Sometimes you may wonder why a teacher is close to a weak student in performance yet it is because this particular student is treating the teacher with respect and  appreciation. And this particular weak student is the same one you will meet years later driving a Mercedes and you remain mouth agape asking how!

Let me tell you how. The teacher saw the student’s potential plus the great respect, he ended up giving this student all the words of wisdom, the secret formulas, the way out of difficult situations, the empowerment he needed. And even years after this weak student has graduated, every single opportunity this teacher comes across, whom do you think will he contact? The arrogant intelligent student or the weak humble and hardworking student? I am not telling you to love them, talk to them 24/7, bring them gifts or visit them every weekend. I am saying, treat them well however stupid, mean, ugly they look. keep their contacts safely. Ask for their advise whenever you need it. Ask for help whenever you are stranded. Ask for their ideas, opinions and criticisms even after you are done with that level of education. Teachers appreciate being acknowledged by their students and I promise they will do the same for you. You will be the first person they call whenever a good opportunity arises. And this is one of the things I’ve never regretted. I have the phone numbers of different teachers from primary level to university. It has done nothing to me but good. You should try it!

3.Stop being narcissistic and believing that no one can do it better than you, that you are always right and that you   are your own mentor. Find inspiration from out there. There is always ALWAYS someone better than you in what you do or look or even think. So cut this drama of, ‘I am thee best.’ Sweetheart, thee best is definitely not you or anyone else. There is always going to be someone one step or ten steps ahead of you. Learn to be humble. Accept positive criticisms. Ask for help when stranded. Listen to other people’s opinions and thoughts. Learn from others. Accept your mistakes. Accept when someone else is right and not you. Seek and reach out to all kind of people. That is what makes the successful one become MORE progressive.

4.NEVER underestimate the dunderhead, the slow learner, the thick headed, the uneducated, the less educated than you are, the poor, the man seated on the street…just never underestimate anyone. We believe that education is not only the one that we learn and study in class, but there is the greater knowledge of life that none can comprehend better than these people who’ve known failure, hunger and struggle. The cobbler on the pavement of the street could give you a great idea about your business, your house help could have experience in something that you don’t, your child or younger ones could have brilliant thoughts that could help you. So always look out and listen keenly to anyone who has an idea, a thought, a suggestion, an opinion or criticisms. Never choose whom to listen to. Open up to everyone who can bring positive changes to your life. You don’t have to follow what everyone says but what do you lose if you listen to them all? All you have to do is listen then filter the important information and the unimportant, the great ideas from the lousy ones. There…did you lose anything? NO. So??

My friend, being successful is difficult, hard, a tough journey but being consistent and progressive is even tougher and it is by such small things in life that create the whole difference. So don’t just aim at being successful. Aim at being continuously successful; more success by the day.

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Angel? Pious? Sheikh with the longest beard? Muslimah with the longest jilbab? Innocent? Too holy? Sweetheart, no one is actually safe from hellfire. NO ONE; not even that sheikh you really admire or that lady who is the kindest on earth. We are all to live in that kind of suspense till the end of times so the question here is, are we ready?

One thing you should keep in mind is that you are no more pious than anyone else. I’ve met people who barely know what deen really requires from them yet they have best of manners, pure souls and very kind to humanity. However still, i’ve met people with so much knowledge of deen such that if you drank from their wells of knowledge it is like a drop of the ocean subhanaAllah, you can never get their full cup yet when you look at their character, you will wish you never knew about them.

We all do mistakes and we sin and we cry to Allah for mercy and He forgives us then we sin again. The cycle of sinning goes on like that. That is why we are called ‘insaan’ for we keep forgetting that without Allah’s mercy upon us we would all perish. Imagine how life would be if we are to be punished for all our mistakes including the slip of the tongue…and the punishment comes immediately. If you look at the wrong thing Allah takes away your sight right there and then. If you go to a wrong place, you lose your legs. Just imagine if it were so…would any one of us be alive still? All of us would have lost all our body parts and at the very end lose our hearts too except the prophets that is. But Allah Subhanahu wataala is Merciful that’s why He has given us countless chances to cry and repent to Him.

We live in this world yet we don’t know what will be the reason for us to go to jannah or even hellfire. It could be the duas of that lady you helped during hardship that will make Allah to send you to jannah yet it could be that with all the deen you have, go to hellfire because of someone you wronged and never forgave you.

Who are we to be arrogant over others really? What guarantee does any of us have of where their place will be? And sadly, we have several pious men and women who think so highly of themselves such that when they see you they already judge you and stigmatize you because ‘you are not one of them’. You know them right? They consider themselves ahlul jannah…so they look at you, size you up and just decide, ‘this is a jahannam material.’ Seriously?? How does someone ever have such confidence on such issues? Haven’t we seen so pious people dying at kuffr while so evil people turning tables and being so close to Allah?? Shaitan’s example is the best whereby he used to be very pious such that they used to call him ‘abu ssajda’ due to his frequent sujuud yet he ended up being the greatest enemy of Islam because of his arrogance when he refused to make sujuud for our father Adam Aleyhi ssalam. So how do you rise your nose with arrogance yet none of us knows how our end will be? Allah S.W. says in the qur’an: ‘So ascribe not purity to yourselves. He knows best him who fears Allah and keep his duty to Him (Surah An-najm: 32)

Hear what we are told of the hellfire: In a hadith (saying of the Prophet) the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) said that the heat of the Hellfire is multiplied 70 times compared to the fire of this world (Saheeh Bukhari). If right now we are complaining of the sun heat and can barely touch the stove flame, aren’t we scared of this inferno? The food of the people of Hell will be from the tree of Zaqqum, which will boil the intestines like scalding water. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ mentioned that if a drop of Zaqqum would have fallen on this Earth, it would ruin every provision on earth. Now, how about those who will have to eat from it? The drink of the inhabitants of hell will be boiling water, and a disgusting boiling fluid made of pus and blood. Allah S.W. says: ”O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.” (Qur’an 66:6)

The descriptions of hellfire go on and on and subhanaLlah how can we even be comfortable with our lives when all we do is point fingers at who is not as pious as we consider ourselves?? Again, NO ONE is safe dear brother and sister. Not me, not you. We are all under the mercy of Allah who has the choice of forgiving us or sending us to hellfire. May Allah guide us Ya Rab. May He guide us always and may he grant us his jannah and protect us from hellfire in shaa Allah!