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If you want to study human behavior and connection, a work place is the best to do your ‘karesearch’. When it is about women, it even gets more interesting because hey! We are all different shades of the same species. Maybe that’s why you will never hear the men say, ‘all women are the same’. We range from the weird to the witty to the sly to the shy. The list is endless. Here are a few personalities you might meet at the office.

1. The loyal one: Ma’am has been working here for the past ten years and she doesn’t seem to be leaving any time soon. She knows everything about everything including where the boss’ extra pair of socks is kept and the days to keep off the washroom from its pungent smell. She knows all the dirty and success secrets that could earn her a high position in another competing company but she is loyal remember? She is married to the company and has been faithful through thick and thin as per the vows. She has seen employees come and leave as she graciously watches. She is the ‘last woman standing’.

2. The Queen Bee: The fashionista; the lady with three other pairs of shoes under her desk, each for a different occasion or purpose. The lady you keep asking, ‘hizi perfume zako tutazipata wapi? She has an attitude that matches her looks; fierce and bold. She knows her way around the office and work just as she does with her hair. Beauty with brains ay!

3. THEE introvert: She is quiet most of the times and you probably know nothing about her apart from her name and her post at the office. It isn’t until she has to sign a form that you rush to her desk to ask, ‘Haiya! Kwani you are married?!’ ‘Yes, I even have a two year old kid’ she responds. This could be someone you’ve worked with for more than six months yet you remain oblivious of who they really are. She is still a mystery.

4. The happy-go-lucky: She has this extra-ordinary charm and energy that amuses everyone. You just don’t understand where it all comes from. She is joyous, even on Monday morning; the long dreadful Monday, the miserable Monday. Yep! She will still have something to be all flowery about. She is the kind who shouts ‘hiiii’ to everyone and readily offers free hugs. You possibly would envy her free spirit.

5. Care-free one: She doesn’t really care how everyone thinks of her or even of her dress code. One day she is dashing and gorgeous and the next, she comes with her big unkempt hair like a crown on her head while wearing the same top she wore the previous day. Her schedule is unpredictable because she is in office for two days before disappearing for the rest of the week. No one really questions her because well, she delivers! Her work is on point and the management don’t want to lose her.

6. The story-teller: She’s the first one you’d notice upon entering the office. She is loud and never lacks a story to tell. It would either be a hot gossip story or what happened to her mother in law or just complaining about this or that. She gracefully works from one desk to another with her cup of tea and a snack, creating conversations with anyone who can spare her some minutes. The office is probably boring without her because the pin-drop silence is not your norm anymore.

7. The manipulative one: She knows your weak point and also for everyone else in the office. She is cunning and knows how to take advantage of others, sometimes while you remain unaware of her tricks. She can get you to do her work, to cover up for her mistakes or her absence or entirely throw the blame at you when she is obviously the one at wrong. She can play you at your own game and you won’t even know what hit you.

8. Mother Theresa 2: She is helpful, kind and very reliable. She keeps her word and keeps time. She is loving and lovable and that automatically makes her an easy target for manipulation. Her compassionate self is soon turned into a door mat as people take advantage of her humble self that is hesitant to ever say no.

9. The lazy one: Never keeps time. Never finishes the work. Never takes responsibility. Never keeps promises. Just never…The rest of you are still wondering how she is in the payroll to date.

10. Employee of the year: She is witty, smart and creative. The office regard her highly because her brain spills wisdom and spells intelligence. She is strategic and determined in her work. The management value her presence and thoughts because they definitely know she is the gem of the office.

11. The grumpy one: Always in a bad mood; sulky and snobby. Makes you wonder whether her hormones are super active. She is careless with words and any client would definitely appreciate not being served by her. She is just not approachable.

12. The newbie: She is young, fresh and green. Oblivious of the work environment, she is passionate and determined to impress everyone in the office. She bows down to the rest of employees and serves them tea if she has to. She has the energy and is not ready to let anyone kill her spirit. She has goals and will do anything to get to where she wants to. While the rest of you watch her and say, ‘atachoka tu’, the girl is keenly drawing her map to the top.

While the office might be an interesting place and a good second home for some, it also serves as a great learning hub. This includes interpersonal skills and how to deal with very diverse personalities that you may come across in your life. This is where you learn who to avoid, who is toxic to you and who to keep close like a gem. This is where you learn that people are never the same and for you to survive in your career, you need to establish who is who. That said, who are you from the above mentioned?

When I was 10 years old and the dream of becoming a doctor was still beautiful and naive, I met with Dr. Khadija. In my memory, I can still see this lady in full hijab plus niqab walking quickly towards my dad and I, apologizing for being late and excusing herself to go and change. When she came back, she had not done much of changing except for removing her niqab and putting on her white coat. As we walked around the hospital to have various tests done, I remember seeing eyes looking at her with such admiration, respect; she was the doctor, who would dare disrespect a doctor. And right then I knew that I wanted to be a doctor like her i;e never abandoning my hijab for my career.

Well that was long ago. I was too naive for this world. I never knew Islamophobia existed or could exist, I saw any Muslim lady without hijab to be lacking and I seriously did not understand the struggle people might be going through to be able to adorn the hijab. Right now I can say I know better. I have experienced discrimination due to my hijab, I know people who have undergone nasty situations because of it and all over social media we see sisters from different parts of the world being treated unfairly due to hijab. The enemies of Islam and Muslims are doing their best to ensure the world perceive hijab as a form of oppression, danger, threat, terrorism, naivety, uneducated, backward or any other word that makes it as something negative as possible. Thus the need for more correct information to be put out there and so I write.

When the topic, ”Acceptance in the community” is being discussed, we readily look at the ones bleaching their skins, the ones wearing weaves, those who cannot leave their homes without make up or those killing themselves with impossible diets for the sake of losing weight or staying in shape. We rarely look at a Muslim lady in trouser suit and a headscarf on the head. We have all silently agreed that this is the correct look for a career Muslim lady, or something similar. Creating another form of discrimination amongst ourselves. So the ones who put on the jelbab, niqab and abaya are most probably house wives or have studied religion. For us who are engineers, doctors, lawyers, politicians and business ladies, we have our hijab adjusted to fit fashion. To make it more acceptable to our colleagues.

We have worked hard while studying for different fields of career, we did so while adorning full hijab hopefully, why then after we succeed we are quick to adjust the hijab? Why are we the ones giving the world the impression that the correct hijab is a form of limitation to our careers? What exactly does it limit us to do? Look pretty and learned? Do we realize that the message we are passing to our young ones is, the correct hijab is only for when they are in high school and below, after that it is not that necessary? When did it become more important for us to fit into the trending fashions and for our dress code to be accepted by our colleagues than abide by the laws of our Creator?

To others it might just be a dress code but we know too well that to us it is a statement of faith. A statement that the faith that we have accepted in our hearts, we are letting it show on the outside too. Making it even more important to make this statement correctly. This is a call and reminder to myself first then to you my sisters out there, lets put in the utmost effort in portraying our Faith correctly. It’s not only about being better role models to our young ones and among ourselves but it is a way of killing the stereotypes. Putting an end to thoughts such as hijab being a limitation or prevention for us to be whatever we might want to be. It will also allow any other lady interested in Islam access to correct image of a Muslim lady when she is outside her home.

We might not know this or might have chosen to ignore it; but it is true we dictate how the world treat us as individuals and also as a nation. Yes it has become hard and even dangerous to wear a headscarf let alone a full hijab. I know me suggesting this automatically qualifies my name to be under the extremists as per current world, people who make the religion difficult. I’m still not discouraged from reminding myself and my sisters. May be through this reminder, you and I will be able to create a world where correct hijab is normal. And as I have always said, lets take comfort and courage in ”… and whoever fears Allah- He will make for him a way out. And provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah- then He is sufficient for him.” (Qur’an 65:2-3). The goal is to attain Taqwa and yaqeen. Having full trust in Allah that my adorning the correct hijab is not an hindrance to reach my worldly goals nor a source of problems with others; rather an addition to my rewards and hopefully blessings in my life. And as someone puts it. ”if you stand up for All (meaning swalah) you can stand up to anything.”

One of my best friend’s dreams is to own a range rover and she would tell me how she can’t wait to be driving her range while in full hijab plus niqab. I say why stop at range? Dream of a ride in your sports car or convertible with the roof open and let your hijab be blown by the wind, with your sun glasses on. My dream is to own a motorcycle. I’m not a fun of thriller rides so this dream is usually an LOL to my friends but still, I can’t wait to take off my helmet at the end of that ride and flip my hijab. Wearing hijab should not stop you from being cool.

May Allah make it easy for us to present Islam in the correct way and may He fill our hearts with taqwa and full trust in Him, ameen.


Talking of hijab, we have an amazing hijab event coming up soon in shaa Allah. Don’t miss out! Check details in the poster below.

Photo Courtesy: http://www.executivechronicles.com/

I was once interviewing one of the prominent and active Mombasa women who has led to development in her area and there was something she told me that I will never forget. ‘The problem with us (people of Mombasa) is that we have the PHD’s (Pull Her Down) certificate holders. People will try to bring you down at any cost. They never like the idea of anyone being more successful than them.’ We all laughed at this amusing yet very true statement. I know the PHD’s are obviously in all places in Kenya and in the whole world as well but unfortunately, Mombasa has greatly been characterized with this shameful behaviour.

I have never really understood why this is the case. Is it just a bad trend that eventually became part of the culture? It’s funny that in situations where you expect your own people to be happy that you are climbing up the ladder, their dark hearts will ache; ‘I was the one supposed to be owning that car or that house’ or ‘she doesn’t deserve her husband; he should have married me instead.’ It’s like something my father was telling me the other day, ‘why can’t people just share the happiness and joy of others even when it’s not personally their success?

The sad yet hilarious reality of Mombasa is like that one whereby in a small area where there has never been a graduate and some day there emerges one, the news will spread like fire. But these kind of news don’t always come with the jolly and merry as expected. You will hear women speaking in whispers as one cooks her mahamri and others wait to give their orders. They will talk of all kind of bizarre things; you will be amazed. They will talk of how the mother to the graduate went to a witch to make his son graduate, or of the loan they had to take from a bank so as he could complete his studies or of how her daughter allegedly slept around with her lecturers to get her the A’s. They will talk of everything and anything connected to the success but never about the success itself. Or in another scenario is of the men who will sit in the baraza busy chewing miraa, discussing this same graduate; ‘Ah yule hana mpango! I asked him to find me ways to get a scholarship like he did but he didn’t bother.’ And even interestingly, the rest will join in even when they know nothing much about the young man, ‘ah bro achana naye, ana maringo kama mwanamke!’ At this point you will hear all kind of insults, old stories, his/her past will all be undug from the earth at this stage. Just so as to prove one thing; he/she doesn’t deserve the blessings he/she is in.

I am assuming that this is mostly brought about by the high levels of idleness but on second thought, until when are we going to blame idleness for all our selfish, evil and dark souls? If we have nothing to do does it justify our envy and malice for others really? So now it’s all like a competition; today I wore a buibui from Dubai while you wore one from Markiti, My daughter is studying medicine while yours is sewing clothes. There’s that unsaid; unspoken competition going on. All this goes to the extent that when a person has a problem let’s say with their fridge, and the next door neighbour can repair it, she’d rather call someone else from very far to come over, do the work and pay him for it. The mentality is often, ‘my son here is jobless, why then should I give it to him?

This drama gets to the peak when it is in office whereby you have to rub shoulders with people every.single.day. Yes they will try to bring you down every.single.day. They will bring up all kind of drama and misunderstandings just to prove one thing; you don’t deserve the job or probably you don’t deserve the post that the boss is about to give you.

Oh, it’s so amusing how people think. It always gets me thinking like ‘really?!’ Is it really worth your energy, words, sweat, saliva, time and sometimes even money to try putting someone else down?! Why can’t we just for once be genuinely, whole-heartedly, purely feel happy when someone is able to achieve something that we haven’t? I actually feel like laughing at this; laughing not because it is a good thing but because it is hilarious how people are.

Please if you’ve never tried feeling happy for someone else then please do give it a try sooner than soon. I promise you it’s going to be an awesome feeling that you’ll never regret. Try doing so and see how your own doors will open up for you by God’s will for shunning away all that envy and malice.

As for you my dear friend, as you keep struggling your way to the top, do know that you will meet several people who have graduated with the PHD’s. Some will show it to you right on your face, some will act as your friends yet they are your biggest enemies in disguise while some will just whisper around all kind of bizarre things to break you to pieces. When you do meet them, I hope you neither give up nor lose hope. I hope you are able to hold your head high and fight your way through to the very top. I hope you succeed. Ameen to that 🙂

So we were in a workshop in one of the hotels in Nyali the other day and we were having lunch when one of my mates in the table I was seated in asked me, “Do you remember the three ladies that were seated by the pool yesterday, dancing so provocatively and smoking?” Yeah…I did very well remember the ladies because who forgets pretty ladies in short dresses above the knees, with long hair, grinding and dancing provocatively in broad day light? Then he tells me, “turn around…can you believe those are the same three ladies?” I turned around to see the same ladies in buibuis and in very well tied hijab. I stared speechless for a long while and I kept glancing at them till the last moment they left the hotel.

“Are you sure they are the same ladies?” I asked for the a hundredth time.

“Yes they are…they invited me to their room yesterday evening,” another European mate answers.

“Out of curiosity, what did you answer them?”

“I told them I am sorry, I am married and I really like her (my wife)”

“That’s why I don’t trust women in buibui. They hide so much inside. It’s a shocker,” the other mate says.

So they go on and talk about how pretentious Muslim women are and I am left there totally speechless because I can’t even justify anything. It’s the truth…and we all know it. And there came the topic of Somali ladies and how different they are; talking of the ones from North Eastern and the ones from Nairobi and Mombasa. All this while I hear them talk about this and I am just as helpless. I walk away to go wash my hands when I am called to another table of my other mates of the project. The table has four other people and they welcome me to sit with them and that they wanted to question me.

So they ask me, “did you see the ladies?”

Yeah. I saw the ‘famous’ women.

“What do you have to say about it?”

I keep quiet for a while. “It’s sad” That’s all I could say. That’s the best that my mind could produce at the moment.

“Those three ladies came to me yesterday. I didn’t get a room in this hotel so they invited me to spend the night with them, in their room. And do you know where they asked me that? Right there at the reception, right in front of all those people at the front desk, in broad daylight. And now I see them in buibuis I am shocked! Considering what they were wearing yesterday and what they were doing, is this what women in buibuis hide underneath?”

“That’s just the wrong display of the attire. The wrong judgement.”

“So if I wear a kanzu, is there a way that I should behave in it?”

“Yes…that’s an identity to us. The buibui and the kanzu is our identity; and that’s just a misuse of it.”

“So if I want to hold your hand, how should I do it?”

“Don’t do it.”

“But I meant how should I hold it such that it doesn’t offend you?”

“JUST DON’T DO IT.”

So they started questioning the wisdom behind not shaking hands, about clubbing and having fun. And of course, they referred back to their Muslim friends whom they go clubbing with and drink with, whom they hug and have fun with. And one went one to explain that actually, it is Muslims that are best to have such kind of fun with and of course, without the mention that some have dated Muslim ladies.

For a moment I felt intimidated and greatly challenged, because I was one against two while the other two just listened. So they went on, “So you don’t go clubbing, you don’t shake hands, you don’t go dancing…what do you do for fun?! You read?”

I knew that was meant as a sarcasm but I still said “Yes, I read.”

They stared at me and I asked, “why are you staring like I am from another world?”

“Because you are from another world.”

“And are you planning to stay like this till you get married?”

“I pray so.”

The other laughs and says, “you are the kind that will one day break all the rules and maybe even run away from home…”

Well, the conversation didn’t end there but  I felt I was being interrogated and intimidated because not only do people want to understand why Muslim ladies don’t act as expected; a jewel covered in a veil, but they also want to understand WHY in capital letters you are different. I will not judge the ladies nor all the others who do the same because in the end of the day, we all trip and lose our way at some point in life instead we should pray for them and including ourselves. Anyway, this isn’t about them or even what happened it is about how impunity has become so common to us and within us to a great extent that we no longer are surprised about it. We see it as normal, especially in Mombasa right?? Well, this SHOULD NOT be normal. It should haunt us and worry us and irritate us and pain us because declaring this normal shows that we gave in to Shaitan.

From my own experience in several places of work, this topic keeps coming again and again. They will try to provoke you and make you feel like you are missing out on the world. That you are not living life to the fullest and they will always compare you to the other Muslim ladies who do everything that you don’t.

They will want to understand what makes the difference and why shouldn’t a lady go for just what she wants. And probably this is one of the biggest challenge of a Muslim lady especially in a work place or in universities. These conversations keep freaking me out because the more they talk about it, the more I am made to feel that at some point I am going to fall short as well. Yes. They totally get into your open door in your mind and poke your deepest weaknesses because they very well know we, the Muslim career ladies, are never really prepared to answer these same questions.

Maybe we really need to think about it deeply; get intelligent answers that will make them understand. One thing though, is that we can’t really blame these people. We can’t. Because we have brought this to ourselves. I can’t blame them for asking all that they asked me at the lunch or the so many times before because even if I were in their place, I’d be curious to know what is the real story about the Muslim ladies in buibuis. I can’t blame them for all the times they asked why some do this and some do that. None of us can really.

However, the commonly asked questions are:

1. Why don’t you shake hands?

2. How comes others do and even hug?

3. Are you a racist?

4. I’ve dated Muslim ladies, gone clubbing with many of them, drink alcohol with them why won’t you?

5. Is it because I am a Christian?

6. Would you accept a Christian if they converted?

7. Why do some wear very tight fitting buibuis?

8. Why are Muslim ladies so pretentious?

9. At work place are you also going to refuse the boss’ hand? Or someone like the president?

10. What is wrong with dating?

The questions go on and on but even without being judgmental, I’m hoping that one day the Muslim ladies that are portraying the wrong impression of Islam would understand how the same non Muslims that they go out with and have ‘fun’ with use them as examples all the time and not just as examples; but as bad examples; portraying Muslim women as very cheap. And this is not just for the ladies but also for our Muslim brothers who do the same actions which are regarded as inappropriate in Islam and still expect to get good wives. How do you drag other people’s sisters to the clubs and ruin their dignity and still want to have a chaste woman?

I’m hoping that they realize how much the Muslim ladies are being talked about like a dirty toilet rug that should be stepped on. I’m hoping that we can be more responsible on how we portray our identity as Muslims.I’m hoping because I realize the challenges out there especially when you are a lady of both principles and dreams. I’m hoping because I fear for my own self. I’m hoping as much as I am praying that God guides us all. Ameen.

Photo Courtesy: http://heythrop.su/

 

  • Have a goal

It is important that before one chooses the career to do, he/she should think well and consider the following things. Do have a goal on what you want to achieve in your life. Having set your goals is like a step stone to getting to your final destination.

  • Focus on your strengths

It is always better to focus on your strengths when choosing a career course. Do what you are good in and which stands to be the better option for you.

  • Be realistic

Don’t go for the almost impossible choices. Go for what you know you can handle. Don’t just assume you can do it while you can’t. For example is a person seeking a career that needs public speaking while he/she can barely speak out in a group of three. It becomes hectic for the person trying to fit into a course that doesn’t even suit them.

  • Don’t take up anything to please anyone

It is always important one does what he/she is comfortable and enjoys doing. Don’t do a career course because all your friends are doing it or because you heard that it pays well. Do what you think is right for you and not for others. Parents should not persuade their children into doing a course just because they succeeded in it or it is a course that shows your status. They should advise them instead and let them think for themselves what they can do.

  • Money isn’t everything

If your aim is to take up a career choice that pays you a hundred thousand in the first month then it is important you know that money isn’t everything. It isn’t wise enough to take up a career course that will stress you up and which doesn’t suit your personality just because you’re eyeing the big money at the end of the month. This will lead you into getting tired and exhausted of the job at a very early stage. You may consider the money you’ll earn but you must also think of yourself first.

  • Be focused

Be sure of what you want. Don’t be changing your goals each and every day; jumping from one course into another randomly. Decide to settle down into doing the one right thing.

  • Don’t get cheated

No one should lie to you that such and such a course is very tough to do and the other is the easiest thing to do. Every course has its difficulty however easy it may seem. Even the artist who just draws out of his own creativity and talent, there comes times he faces challenges. The challenges aren’t meant to make us fear doing the career but instead they make us stronger to get to our goals.

The most important thing is that you do what you enjoy. Even if it may be difficult or tiresome or monotonous but so long as you are comfortable with it, the rest of the things shouldn’t bother you. Have faith in yourself and go achieve your goals.