Chastity – Strokes of My Pen

Deen (Religion)

WOMEN OF JANNAH: FATIMA BINT MUHAMMAD (S.A.W)

By Lubnah Abdulhalim May 23, 2020

To read the third part of this series, click on the following link: https://lubnah.me.ke/women-of-jannah-khadija-bint-khuwaylid/

#The love and compassion between father and daughter

Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her was only 5 years old when the first revelation occurred. She therefore grew up in Islam. She was the 5^th child of the prophet and his last daughter (according to some narrations). There was once, when Fatima was still very young, the prophet peace be upon him was praying in front of the Kaabah and Abu Jahl, Shaybah and Uqba Ibn Abi Mu’ayt were nearby watching him. Abu Jahl then asked one to volunteer to pick the guts of a camel and all of its filth and dump it on the prophet’s back while praying, just to humiliate him. Uqba ibn Abi Mu’ayt volunteered and brought all that filth and dumped it on the prophet’s back while in sujood. Fatima, this very young, tender girl, seeing her father in this state while the people around laughed and cursed him, goes to him. She starts scraping all of the filth on his back while crying. The prophet peace be upon him then said to her: ‘Do not cry oh my daughter. Allah will help your father and give him victory.’ And this is when the prophet started cursing the individuals who had taken part in the humiliating action. It is narrated that these same individuals were among the first to be killed during the battle of badr.

The love and compassion between father and daughter was so vivid that Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her was nicknamed ‘Umm Abeeha’ which means ‘The mother to her father’. This was due to how much she took care of her father, as if she was his mother rather than his daughter.

When Khadija peace be upon her died, Fatima was the one who comforted him and handled the home affairs. Fatima was also nicknamed ‘Al Zahraa’ to mean ‘the illuminated one’ or ‘the shining one’ due to her radiant face as the prophet’s was. In fact it was well known how the two resembled each other so much, even in the manner of speaking and walking. And the prophet peace be upon him was never hesitant to show his love for her. Whenever Fatima came to him, he stood up, welcomed her, kissed her hand and made her sit in his place. And when the prophet peace be upon him went to her, she would do the same for him.

Whenever the prophet came back from a journey, he would pray two rakaahs in the masjid as is the Sunnah then go to Fatima’s house before going to see his wives.

How beautiful is this kind of relationship? Don’t we all wish we had such connections with our fathers? Unfortunately very few men adopt the prophet’s way of living with his women, and some feel it makes them seem weak if they showed affection to their children publicly or even privately. But here was the prophet, treated his daughter like real royalty despite the jahiliya culture of the Quraysh to belittle their women.

#Jannah is the goal

Now despite the prophet treating Fatima, may Allah be pleased with them both, as royalty, she and her husband Ali may peace be upon them lived a very simple life.

When he first wanted to come to propose to the prophet for Fatima’s hand, he came while being very nervous. He sat by the prophet but couldn’t say a word, so the prophet asked him if he had come to propose for Fatima’s hand and Ali said yes.

At that time Ali had nothing apart from a shield. So the prophet asked him to sell the shield and give the amount as dowry to Fatima. The prophet could have chosen any wealthy sahaba to marry him off to his most beloved daughter. Yet he accepted Ali’s proposal for he knew him to be a great man and an appropriate husband for his daughter. Their home was so humble and they slept on sheepskin.

“In another occasion, it is reported on the authority of Ali that Fatima had corns in her hand because of working at the hand-mill. There had fallen to the lot of Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) some prisoners of war. She (Fatima) came to the Prophet (ﷺ) but she did not find him (in the house). She met A’isha and informed her (about her hardship and wanting a servant). When Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) came, she (A’isha) informed him about the visit of Fatima. Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) came to them (Fatima and her family). They had gone to their beds. ‘Ali further (reported):

We tried to stand up (as a mark of respect) but Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: Keep to your beds, and he sat amongst us and I felt the coldness of his feet upon my chest. He then said: May I not direct you to something better than what you have asked for? When you go to your bed, you should recite Takbir (Allah-o-Akbar) thirty-four times and Tasbih (Subhan Allah) thirty-three times and Tahmid (al-Hamdu li-Allah) thirty-three times, and that is better than the servant for you.” (Sahih Muslim)

From this narration, we also see that despite the prophet’s ability to provide for Fatima a servant and make her live like real royalty with great comfort, he chose to teach them what is better i.e. what will be of benefit to them in the hereafter. In these several occasions, we see that the prophet, despite his grand love for his daughter, still chose to nurture the love for the akhera within her rather than for this dunya. And this is definitely something worth pondering for us. It is not impermissible to want to be wealthy and comfortable in life, but remember not to seek the dunya so much, instead, let Jannah be the goal.

#Standing for one another

So in different occasions whilst the prophet was at Aisha’s house (it was her turn to be with him), the sahabas would bring gifts to her house more than any other wife’s house. The other wives of the prophet were not happy about this so they sent Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her, to talk to the prophet on their behalf. In short, the wives wanted the prophet to put a stop to this matter for it seemed unfair. But this was not the prophet’s fault or any injustice from him. The people themselves preferred to do that. So when Fatima went to the prophet while he was with Aisha, she said to him: “Your wives have sent me to you in order to ask you to observe equity in case of the daughter of Abu Quhafa (Aisha).’ Aisha kept quiet and the prophet then said to Fatima, ‘Oh my daughter, don’t you love whom I love?’ She said: ‘I do.’ The prophet said: ‘I love this one’ (meaning Aisha). So Fatima stood up and went back to the other wives and told them what had ensued. They told Fatima: ‘We think that you have been of no avail to us. You may again go to Allah’s Messenger and tell him that his wives seek equity in case of the daughter of Abu Quhafa.’ Fatima said: ‘By Allah, I will never talk to him about this matter.’ (Sahih Muslim)

From her love for her father, Fatima decided not to pursue anything that would go against him and we can see the prophet doing the same for his daughter in another occasion when Ali bin Abi Talib, may Allah be pleased with him when he wanted to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl.

Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, wanted to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl. When Fatima heard about this, she went to the prophet saying: “Your people think that you do not become angry for the sake of your daughters as `Ali is now going to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl.” When she said that, the prophet stood up, said the shahadah then said, “I married one of my daughters to Abu Al-`As bin Al- Rabi` (the husband of Zainab, the daughter of the Prophet before Islam and he proved truthful in whatever he said to me. No doubt, Fatima is a part of me, and whoever makes her angry, makes me angry. By Allah, the daughter of Allah’s Messenger and the daughter of Allah’s Enemy cannot be the wives of one man.” So `Ali gave up that engagement. (Sahih Bukhari)

It should be noted that the prophet didn’t just stop Ali from marrying another wife alongside his daughter. This was the daughter of the enemy of the prophet and the enemy of Islam and it wouldn’t befit that Fatima, be in such a situation (of co-wifing the daughter of an enemy of Islam) so please don’t use this hadith to prevent polygamy 😀

#Piety and Modesty

Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her was known for her piety and modesty like her mother. This is the woman that the prophet peace be upon him named, ‘sayyidat nisaa’ al-jannah’ to mean, ‘the queen, the leader of the women of paradise’. Fatima is among the four women who perfected their faith alongside her mother (as we mentioned in the previous parts of this series). She was held in high esteem due to her character and imaan.

According to some opinions is that surat Insan was revealed concerning Fatima and Ali, may Allah be pleased with them. The family had fasted for 3 days to fulfill a vow they had made. In each evening, during iftar, someone knocked on their door asking for food. Once it was a prisoner of war, then an orphan then a poor person. In all three occasions, they gave out their food and were left with barely anything for themselves. And it is because of this selfless act that Allah subhanahu wataala revealed surat insan and He says:

“And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive. [Saying], “We feed you only for the countenance of Allah. We wish not from you reward or gratitude. Indeed, We fear from our Lord a Day austere and distressful.” So Allah will protect them from the evil of that Day and give them radiance and happiness. And will reward them for what they patiently endured [with] a garden [in Paradise] and silk [garments]….” (Surat Insan: verse 8-12) And Allah goes on to give an in-depth description of jannah and what will be available for them therein.

In another narration is that, when Fatima was on her death bed, she looked up in the heavens and smiled. She then called for Asmaa bint Umays who was the one going to wash her body. Fatima then requested Asmaa that after doing her ghusl upon her death, that her janazah be done at night so that there aren’t many people and also, she will be concealed. In another narration, Asmaa had mentioned of a tradition she had seen in Abyssinia where the dead are covered in a bier with a cloth on it whereby the body is concealed and cannot be seen. So Fatima requested that this same bier is used for her burial so that people will not see her body curves.

# ‘After You’

“Narrated `Aisha: Mother of the Believers: We, the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) were all sitting with the Prophet (ﷺ) and none of us had left when Fatima came walking, and by Allah, her gait was very similar to that of Allah’s Messenger.’ When he saw her, he welcomed her, saying, “Welcome, O my daughter!” Then he made her sit on his right or his left, confided something to her, whereupon she wept bitterly. When he noticed her sorrow, he confided something else to her for the second time, and she started laughing.

Only I from among the Prophet’s wives said to her, “(O Fatima), Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) selected you from among us for the secret talk and still you weep?” When Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) got up (and went away), I asked her, “What did he confide to you?” She said, “I wouldn’t disclose the secrets of Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)” But when he died I asked her, “I beseech you earnestly by what right I have on you, to tell me (that secret talk which the Prophet had with you)” She said, “As you ask me now, yes, (I will tell you).”

She informed me, saying, “When he talked to me secretly the first time, he said that Gabriel used to review the Qur’an with him once every year. He added, ‘But this year he reviewed it with me twice, and therefore I think that my time of death has approached. So, be afraid of Allah, and be patient, for I am the best predecessor for you (in the Hereafter).’ “Fatima added, “So I wept as you (`Aisha) witnessed. And when the Prophet (ﷺ) saw me in this sorrowful state, he confided the second secret to me saying, ‘O Fatima! Will you not be pleased that you will be chief of all the believing women (or chief of the women of this nation i.e. my followers?”) (Sahih al-Bukhari) It is also at this point that he confided in her that she would be the next companion to die right after him, which is what made Fatima laugh from joy, knowing that she would join him soon enough.

On her death bed, Fatima shared some moments with her husband Ali and asked him to marry Umamah after her death, the daughter of her sister Zaynab to take care of her children. Fatima is said to have died in the month of Ramadhan, 6 months or less after the prophet’s death. She was just 29 years old and left behind 4 children; Hassan, Hussein, Zaynab and Umm Kulthum. According to some narrations, her fifth child Muhsin had died before her. All in all, Fatima was known for her purity, piety and chastity. Moreover she was known as being the Prophet’s big supporter and caretaker.

#Ahlul Bayt

“Many came to the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, asking whom he loved the most, including Ali (ra) and Fatima (ra). He had the most eloquent answer, while maintaining his character of honesty. Even though Fatima was very dear to him and his heart was very attached to her, he didn’t want to answer in a way that would hurt Ali, whom he loved as his own son. He looked at Ali and said, ‘She is more beloved to me than you, but you are more precious to me than her’, making them both very happy.”

‘A’isha reported that Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) went out one morning wearing a striped cloak of the black camel’s hair that there came Hasan b. ‘Ali. He wrapped him under it, then came Husain and he wrapped him under it along with the other one (Hasan). Then came Fatima and he took her under it, then came ‘Ali and he also took him under it and then said:

“Allah only desires to take away any uncleanliness from you, O people of the household, and purify you (thorough purifying).”

(Sahih Muslim 2424)

And indeed, Allah purified them and elevated their status.

May Allah grant us an opportunity to be with them in Jannah. Ameen.

***

Alhamdulilah this brings us to the end of our Ramadhan series, ‘The women of Jannah’, the four women who perfected their faith (May Allah be pleased with them). Thank you so much for joining me for the entire month and for taking your time to read. May Allah accept our fasts, our ibadah, our duas and our tawbah. Ameen. Taqabala Llahu minna wa minkum. Eid Mubarak my good people 🙂

SOURCES:

https://sunnah.com/

Women Around The Prophet ﷺ‎/Part 14/ Fatima Bint Muhammad, Daughter of Prophet ﷺ‎- Assim al hakeem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04w-IgujIYU

Role Model for Modesty (Fatima bint Muhammad) – Women of Paradise – Omar Suleiman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXi0xqfiBfk

Fatima Bint Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) ᴴᴰ ┇ Must Watch ┇ by Sheikh Dr. Tawfique Chowdhury : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG0VIR2dWSg

https://www.al-islam.org/enlightening-commentary-light-holy-quran-vol-19/surah-al-insan-chapter-76

Creative Non-Fiction

WHERE CHASTITY AND DIGNITY LIES

By Lubnah Abdulhalim August 30, 2016

Photo Courtesy: http://www.duniavvanita.com/

Well this is a very sensitive topic that I would rather not talk about at any other time because it draws a lot of attention, judgement and even when not intentional, it tends to step on people’s toes. However, I got a request this morning that I should write about it and I agreed. I guess the end justifies the means, which is speaking out openly in this case and hopefully, opening the eyes of our younger sisters and brothers out there.

Okay, I get it, we all do mistakes in our lives and perhaps letting go of your virginity at such an early age was one of them. I am not about to judge you, mock you or even condemn you because I know for a fact that everyone knows what is wrong and what is right. All I am hoping is that you are not going to tag others along in this mess of yours (for those who fall here that is). That just because someone broke your virginity you decide to break everyone else’s too.

Okay again, perhaps this is 21st Century where no one is allowed to ‘interfere’ with your personal life, not even your parents. I also get it that this is the era where everywhere you go, all that you read says, ‘BE YOURSELF. DO WHAT YOU WANT. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE’ bla bla bla. Well yeah, these quotes may contain truths in them but it never really justifies lack of chastity. And as I had previously written about the Bermuda love triangles in my article ‘THE ERA TO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE’, it is really scary that the person you trust with the most precious thing which is your chastity, is not only sharing a bed with you but with several other girls or boys too. And as they all say it…once you are into the game then there is very little chance that you are ever going to call it quits. Well, the mistake has already been made. Perhaps once, twice, or several more times but what are you planning to keep for your husband/wife? What is left anyway? If it is your beauty then everyone can see that. If it is your money then anyone can use that. But your chastity? Your virginity? That is just the one thing that is meant for only one person; your spouse. And I am intentionally generalizing the sexes here because very few parents actually care about their sons’ chastity. It is made to seem OK. Just because they are the men of the house? Or because there is no way to prove their lack of chastity unless they say it themselves? But how then are we ever going to convince our younger sisters and our daughters to remain chaste and hold onto their dignity while they see their brothers sleeping around with different girlfriends every two months and sometimes even with married women/men?

Love? Don’t blame love for your lust. Don’t even try to justify yourself with, ‘she is my true love. We’ve been dating for five years..bla bla bla’ even if you’ve been dating for a whole lifetime, it still isn’t right, culturally, religiously and even morally. Previously, when I was younger, I used to wonder why parents used to make such a big deal after a girl is married and the husband reports that she was a virgin. Like why such a fuss? Isn’t that how it is supposed to be? But then I grew up and reality of the world struck; youth have made consummation a life goal just when they hit 18. Or is it 16? Well for the Western world it goes lower than that. So perhaps it does deserve all that excitement; their child has done the one thing that children nowadays can rarely do; abstain.

Dear girl, boy, man, woman who is still saving himself/herself for her spouse, be proud of yourself. Be really proud because right now, you are among the rarest gems. Keep holding your head up and never let your guard down. Never feel left out or embarrassed that you still don’t know how the intimacy world looks like or feels like. You eventually will; when the right time comes and with the right person. But most importantly, pray really hard to God that you don’t slip like many did. That you remain as chaste and majestic as you are now because Satan strikes when you least expect it. So yes, pray that God gives you the strength to get rid of all temptations and that He grants you a spouse that you rightfully deserve.

As for the one who has already made the mistake, I hope you are not convincing yourself with, ‘I was perfecting the art for my spouse.’ Sweetheart, stop lying to yourself. How much do you think your husband is going to value you when he realizes you are used material? Even if he loves you so much it is never going to be the same. The same applies to the man. Nonetheless, if you have decided to let the past mistakes remain there and let bygones be bygones, then well and good, you have done the right thing. You may have lost something but you can always be better than the rest. And that is by repenting, growing closer to God and avoiding repetition of your past mistakes. And one more thing too is to try and advise your friends and young ones to not fall into the same trap as you once did.

Not to sound too holy, judgmental or anything, i’d like to end this with a quote by Ezra Taft Benson: ‘The moral code of Heaven for both men and women is complete chastity before marriage and full fidelity after marriage.’

P.S. This article does not include the rape and sodomized victims. By all means, we know it is never their fault.

May God guide us all. Ameen.

Deen (Religion)

WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO ASK YOU AS A RESERVED MUSLIM LADY

By Lubnah Abdulhalim November 2, 2015

So we were in a workshop in one of the hotels in Nyali the other day and we were having lunch when one of my mates in the table I was seated in asked me, “Do you remember the three ladies that were seated by the pool yesterday, dancing so provocatively and smoking?” Yeah…I did very well remember the ladies because who forgets pretty ladies in short dresses above the knees, with long hair, grinding and dancing provocatively in broad day light? Then he tells me, “turn around…can you believe those are the same three ladies?” I turned around to see the same ladies in buibuis and in very well tied hijab. I stared speechless for a long while and I kept glancing at them till the last moment they left the hotel.

“Are you sure they are the same ladies?” I asked for the a hundredth time.

“Yes they are…they invited me to their room yesterday evening,” another European mate answers.

“Out of curiosity, what did you answer them?”

“I told them I am sorry, I am married and I really like her (my wife)”

“That’s why I don’t trust women in buibui. They hide so much inside. It’s a shocker,” the other mate says.

So they go on and talk about how pretentious Muslim women are and I am left there totally speechless because I can’t even justify anything. It’s the truth…and we all know it. And there came the topic of Somali ladies and how different they are; talking of the ones from North Eastern and the ones from Nairobi and Mombasa. All this while I hear them talk about this and I am just as helpless. I walk away to go wash my hands when I am called to another table of my other mates of the project. The table has four other people and they welcome me to sit with them and that they wanted to question me.

So they ask me, “did you see the ladies?”

Yeah. I saw the ‘famous’ women.

“What do you have to say about it?”

I keep quiet for a while. “It’s sad” That’s all I could say. That’s the best that my mind could produce at the moment.

“Those three ladies came to me yesterday. I didn’t get a room in this hotel so they invited me to spend the night with them, in their room. And do you know where they asked me that? Right there at the reception, right in front of all those people at the front desk, in broad daylight. And now I see them in buibuis I am shocked! Considering what they were wearing yesterday and what they were doing, is this what women in buibuis hide underneath?”

“That’s just the wrong display of the attire. The wrong judgement.”

“So if I wear a kanzu, is there a way that I should behave in it?”

“Yes…that’s an identity to us. The buibui and the kanzu is our identity; and that’s just a misuse of it.”

“So if I want to hold your hand, how should I do it?”

“Don’t do it.”

“But I meant how should I hold it such that it doesn’t offend you?”

“JUST DON’T DO IT.”

So they started questioning the wisdom behind not shaking hands, about clubbing and having fun. And of course, they referred back to their Muslim friends whom they go clubbing with and drink with, whom they hug and have fun with. And one went one to explain that actually, it is Muslims that are best to have such kind of fun with and of course, without the mention that some have dated Muslim ladies.

For a moment I felt intimidated and greatly challenged, because I was one against two while the other two just listened. So they went on, “So you don’t go clubbing, you don’t shake hands, you don’t go dancing…what do you do for fun?! You read?”

I knew that was meant as a sarcasm but I still said “Yes, I read.”

They stared at me and I asked, “why are you staring like I am from another world?”

“Because you are from another world.”

“And are you planning to stay like this till you get married?”

“I pray so.”

The other laughs and says, “you are the kind that will one day break all the rules and maybe even run away from home…”

Well, the conversation didn’t end there but I felt I was being interrogated and intimidated because not only do people want to understand why Muslim ladies don’t act as expected; a jewel covered in a veil, but they also want to understand WHY in capital letters you are different. I will not judge the ladies nor all the others who do the same because in the end of the day, we all trip and lose our way at some point in life instead we should pray for them and including ourselves. Anyway, this isn’t about them or even what happened it is about how impunity has become so common to us and within us to a great extent that we no longer are surprised about it. We see it as normal, especially in Mombasa right?? Well, this SHOULD NOT be normal. It should haunt us and worry us and irritate us and pain us because declaring this normal shows that we gave in to Shaitan.

From my own experience in several places of work, this topic keeps coming again and again. They will try to provoke you and make you feel like you are missing out on the world. That you are not living life to the fullest and they will always compare you to the other Muslim ladies who do everything that you don’t.

They will want to understand what makes the difference and why shouldn’t a lady go for just what she wants. And probably this is one of the biggest challenge of a Muslim lady especially in a work place or in universities. These conversations keep freaking me out because the more they talk about it, the more I am made to feel that at some point I am going to fall short as well. Yes. They totally get into your open door in your mind and poke your deepest weaknesses because they very well know we, the Muslim career ladies, are never really prepared to answer these same questions.

Maybe we really need to think about it deeply; get intelligent answers that will make them understand. One thing though, is that we can’t really blame these people. We can’t. Because we have brought this to ourselves. I can’t blame them for asking all that they asked me at the lunch or the so many times before because even if I were in their place, I’d be curious to know what is the real story about the Muslim ladies in buibuis. I can’t blame them for all the times they asked why some do this and some do that. None of us can really.

However, the commonly asked questions are:

1. Why don’t you shake hands?

2. How comes others do and even hug?

3. Are you a racist?

4. I’ve dated Muslim ladies, gone clubbing with many of them, drink alcohol with them why won’t you?

5. Is it because I am a Christian?

6. Would you accept a Christian if they converted?

7. Why do some wear very tight fitting buibuis?

8. Why are Muslim ladies so pretentious?

9. At work place are you also going to refuse the boss’ hand? Or someone like the president?

10. What is wrong with dating?

The questions go on and on but even without being judgmental, I’m hoping that one day the Muslim ladies that are portraying the wrong impression of Islam would understand how the same non Muslims that they go out with and have ‘fun’ with use them as examples all the time and not just as examples; but as bad examples; portraying Muslim women as very cheap. And this is not just for the ladies but also for our Muslim brothers who do the same actions which are regarded as inappropriate in Islam and still expect to get good wives. How do you drag other people’s sisters to the clubs and ruin their dignity and still want to have a chaste woman?

I’m hoping that they realize how much the Muslim ladies are being talked about like a dirty toilet rug that should be stepped on. I’m hoping that we can be more responsible on how we portray our identity as Muslims.I’m hoping because I realize the challenges out there especially when you are a lady of both principles and dreams. I’m hoping because I fear for my own self. I’m hoping as much as I am praying that God guides us all. Ameen.