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A PALESTINIAN NAKBA

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Photo Courtesy: ‘Soul of Palestine’ on Facebook/Instagram

Whenever the sun sets and the thoughts set in, I ration my emotions into four

like the long-awaited hours of electricity.

180 megawatts of madness,

angst,

despair,

and frustration.

 Madness.

Sweat trickles down my back like the weak, slow drops of water from our shower. It reminds me of the last time I had a good bath. Proper bath. Clean bath. It was in a dream I had at 13 years old after hearing one of the American journalists who had come to our school answer curious Maryam’s question on whether they REALLY have electricity and water 24/7 in America.

All the light switches around the house are on as we wait for thee moment of truth. The moment we press ‘continue’ on our paused lives.

In my room, I sit and wait. Sit and wait. Sit and wait.

Half asleep. Half weighing my will to live.

And before my eyes adjust to the new light, a young boy shouts across the street in joy, “It is LIT! OUR HOUSE IS LIT! Is it lit at your home?!” Another happy voice shouts back, “IT IS!”

In less than a minute, the water pump is on.  

The oven is on.

The fridge is on.

The blender is on.

I put all the phones and laptop at their respective chargers.

My brother irons his school clothes.

My baby sister rushes to complete her university project.

Abu Eyad, my neighbour with an amputated leg, calls out to his son to charge his electric scooter after being stuck at home for an entire day.

I think of Sameera’s mother at the hospital who’s been waiting for electricity to get dialysis.

The entire street is busy. This is the only time we are over-joyed at any kind of commotion. This is the only time we don’t really mind the madness.

Angst.

My mother tells me of her brother who left home and never returned.

And of her uncle who returned and found no one left.

I imagine I will be martyred before I turn 30 because only the lucky live this long.  

At night, we huddle together in the darkness of the night; the shahada on our tongues and hijabs on our heads. Airstrikes showering the clouds, our emergency bags close to the door.

Rahaf’s smile still haunts me; delicate like her name, bright like the future she deserved. She was the kid next door until she wasn’t.

She really loved her hair; long like the history of Palestine, beautiful, like its people. Sometimes, she comes to my dreams the same way she came to me to comb her hair the morning of her death.

Who knew that her school was going to be her war field?

Frustration.

My other neighbour’s son, Shaker, has a daily morning routine to get angry at something, anything or everything at once and shout: “What kind of life is this?!”

And his mother, in a helpless state to make anything better for him, would always respond:
“أفلا تكون عبداً شكورا؟”
(“Wouldn’t you be a grateful servant?”)

He would then walk away; his tiny fist still clenched, his eyes still weeping, and his heart still heavy.

Like many other Palestinian children, Shaker has become the embodiment of trauma; broken limbs and broken hearts.

Despair.

After 2 years, 7 months, 11 days, and 696 minutes of waiting to get married to the love of her life, my cousin Ahlam arrived home from abroad to the news of the killing of her fiancé.

All dreams of 2 years, shattered within 2 seconds of utter brutality. In total silence, she stares at her red and silver wedding gown like the monument of her despair. In over 48 hours, her lips have not moved an inch.

I guess the Zionists have stolen her speech too.

***

Soon enough, darkness takes over, and the nakba that is our life continues.
Silence occupies the rubbles of our hearts and everything slows down.

Whenever the sun sets and the thoughts set in, I ration my emotions into four; plus one.

Faith.

Sometimes I want to mourn;

For my father who was shot 5 times at the back of his head in front of my mother

For my best friend who was found under her demolished home three days after a bomb blast,

For my classmate whose entire family of 14 people has been wiped out of this earth and the registry

For the teenage boy that I saw get arrested with his entire face full of bruises from beatings

For the young man whose extremely beautiful and dream photography studio got bombed 2 days before the official opening

For the young boy running to say goodbye to his father’s dead body during his funeral while crying out, ‘may Allah make it easy for you baba.’

For all the Palestinians still carrying keys of their stolen, occupied houses

For the 1000s of olive trees burnt down to ashes

Sometimes I want to weep;

For the constant grieving of martyrs that has literally become part of our cultural traditions. Deeply saddened by the loss of innocent souls to the oppressors, yet happy for the shuhadaa who’ve been promised Jannah by our Lord, we sing:

“Oh mother of Muhammad! Oh mother of Muhammad! Indeed you are blessed. Indeed you are blessed! I wish it was my mother in your place. I wish it was my mother in your place!”

Sometimes I want to cry;

For all the shattered dreams and tattered souls

For the millions and millions of us displaced, distressed and dispossessed

I want to cry for all those who lost their lives

But then I remember the words of Mustafa’s widow:
“We sacrifice ourselves for Al Aqsa. We sacrifice ourselves for you Ya Allah. We accept your decree, Oh Allah so be pleased with us. Take from our blood and wealth, until you are pleased.” 

So I swallow a bitter lump, raise my head to the sky, and mutter: “Indeed, sufficient for us is Allah. Indeed, sufficient for us is none but Allah!”

***

Please take a minute:

اللهُمَّ أَصْلِحْ أَحْوَالَ الفلسطينيين ، اللهُمَّ أَصْلِحْ أَحْوَالَ المُسْلِمِِينَ فِي فِلِسطِينَ وفي كُلِّ مَكَانٍ، يَا ذَا الجَلالِ وَالإِكْرِامِ

Allahumma aslih ahwaalal-filisteeniyin, Allahumma aslih ahwaalal-muslimeena fi filisteena wa fi kulli makaanin ya dhul-jalali wal-ikraam.

O Allah! Rectify the affairs of the Palestinians. O Allah! Rectify the affairs of the Muslims in Palestine and in every place, O Lord of Majesty and Bounty.

اللهُمَّ إِنَّهُمْ مَغْلُوبُونَ فَانْتَصِرْ لَهُمْ

Allahumma innahum maghloobuna fantasir lahum.

O Allah! They are helpless, so help them.

رَبَّنَا أَفْرِغْ عَلَيْهِمْ صَبْراً وَثَبِّتْ أَقْدَامَهُمْ وَانْصُرْهُمْ عَلَى القَوْمِ الكَافِرِينَ

Rabbana afrigh ‘alayhim sabran wa thabbit aqdamahum wansurhum ‘alal-qawmil- kafireen.

Our Lord! Pour upon them patience, make them steadfast, and grant them victory over the Disbelivers.

اللهُمَّ مَكِّرْ لَهُمْ، وَاكْفِهِمْ بِمَا شِئْتَ إِنْ تَنْصُرْهُمْ فَلا غَالِبَ لَهُمْ، وَإِنْتَخْذُلْهُمْ فَمَنْ ذَا الَّذي يَنْصُرهُمْ مِنْ بَعْدِكَ

Allahumma makkir lahum, wakfihim bimaa shi’t. In tansurhum falaa ghaliba lahum, wa in takhdhulhum fa man dhal-ladh’ yansurhum min ba’dika.

O Allah! Plot for them, and suffice them with what You please, if You support them then nobody can overpower them, and if You forsake them, then who will be able to support them after You?

لا إِلاَ إِلا اللهُ العَظيمُ الحَليم، لا إِلهَ إِلا اللهُ رَبَّ العَرْشِ العَظِيمِ، لاإلهَ إِلا اللهُ رَبُّ السَّمَاوَتِ وَرَبُّ الأَرْضِ وَرَبُّ العَرْشِ الكَرِيمِ

La ilaha illAllahul adhimul-haleem. La ilaha illAllahu, rabbul-arshil- adheem. La ilaha illAllahu rabbus-samawaati wa rabbul-ardi wa rabbul-arshil- kareem.

There is no God but Allah, the Mighty the Forbearing, there is no God but Allah, Lord of the Mighty Throne, There is no God but Allah, Lord of the Heavens and Lord of the Earth and Lord of the Noble Throne

اللهُمَّ مََنْ أَرادَنَا وَبِلادَنَا وَالمُسْلِمِينَ بِسُوءٍ فَأَشْغِلْهُ فِي نَفْسِهِ، وَاجْعَلْ كَيْدَهُ فِي نَحْرِهِ، وَاجْعَلْ تَدْبِيرَهُ تَدْمِيرَه

Allahumma man aradana wa biladina bi su’in fash-ghilhu fi nafsih, waj’al kaydahu fi nahrih, waj’al tadbirahu tadmeerah.

O Allah! Whoever wants to harm us and our lands and the Muslims, then keep them busy with their own troubles, and return their plots to their own necks, and make their plans the cause of their own destruction.

Ameen thumma Ameen.

Please never stop praying for the Palestinians and for all other countries that are facing war, oppression, and injustices. May Allah save them all, ameen.

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Deen (Religion)

RAMADHAN EDITION: AYAHS THAT MELT THE HEART (2)

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Image Courtesy: Pinterest

I find the words in the Qur’an to be so mesmerizing, so profound they can cause you a shiver from its depth. Picking my favourite ayahs has been really hard because I find the entire book to be very intense. Every verse comes with a yet better heart felt message than the previous. Yet, here is what I came up with at the end.

1.

The ayah focuses on the people Allah loves who are the doers of good.
First, we learn that there are two kinds of charity; one that you give when you have surplus and another when you give while you barely have anything yourself. This shows the importance of charity for every mankind but without putting one in distress (taklif) for it. For the rich, so that they can get rid of the greed within themselves and for the less rich, to be more selfless towards other human beings.

Abu Huraira reported: A man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, which charity has the greatest reward?” The Prophet said, “That you give charity while you are healthy, feeling greedy, fearing poverty, and hoping to be rich. Do not delay giving until you are on your deathbed, then say give to such a person. It already belongs to that person.” (Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1353)

In another hadith, the prophet peace be upon him says,”The best of all charity is when the one with little strives to give; start with those you are responsible for.” [Hakim, Sahih] This also stresses the importance of looking after your family first before extending your charity to other people. As the saying goes, ‘charity begins at home’, and truly, what is the point of helping the entire world while your own people sleep hungry and struggle alone?

Then the ayah goes on to mention that Allah loves those who restrain their anger, forgive and are merciful to other human beings. If only we applied this verse into our daily lives…half of our conflicts would be non-existent. If only we were more understanding of the human nature and merciful towards one another. There is a story concerning this that I really love.

“One day Ja’far As-Sadiq wanted to perform ablution, he asked his slave to pour water on his hands from a jug. As the slave began to pour the water, some of it spleashed onto Ja’far’s garment, which resulted in Ja’far giving his slave a reproachful look. Fearing punishment, the servant said:

وَالۡكٰظِمِيۡنَ الۡغَيۡظَ

‘Those Who repress their anger’

Ja’far said reassuringly, ‘I have repressed my anger.’

وَالۡعَافِيۡنَ عَنِ النَّاسِ​ؕ

‘And those who pardon men’, said the slave.

‘I have indeed pardoned you,’ said Ja’far.

وَاللّٰهُ يُحِبُّ الۡمُحۡسِنِيۡنَ​ۚ‏

‘Verily Allah loves the good doers,’ said the slave expectantly.

‘Go. You are free from the countenance of Allah and you may take from my wealth 1000 dinars.’

(Excerpt from the book: ‘Glimpses of the lives of the righteous people’)

May Allah make us among the good doers. Ameen.

 

2.

Life is always going to be a bumpy ride. There will always be moments whereby we struggle to understand what is happening or what we should do or just feeling like our world is coming to an end. However pious one is, we all need reassurance. We all need someone, something to remind us that such is life, that things will eventually get better. Because this life will never be thunder and storms all the time. Sometimes there is a peaceful breeze and a beautiful sun. There is always a balance. No one’s life is entirely darkness nor is there someone experiencing 24/7 unlimited access to happiness. In these moments, Allah (S.W.) tells the believers that remembering Him is what brings tranquility to the soul. It is in remembering him that we are reassured.

3.

Every other day, we lose something in our lives. Could be something we hold dear; a person, an opportunity, a job, our loved ones…but here Allah (S.W) promises us something. That so long as there’s a seed of goodness with you, however small, He will grant you something better than what He has taken from you. He doesn’t say, ‘If Allah knows of a huge amount of goodness in you…’ He says ‘ANY GOOD’. That shows how merciful Allah is. He will be there for you despite your wrongdoings, your negligence of the deen, despite your flaws…He will give you something you never imagined having. So grieve not dear heart, for your Lord is a great Lord.

 

4.

Have you ever sat by yourself and reflected on your life and thought, ‘I don’t deserve jannah?’ The sins seems to be too many. The past seems so dark, full of mistakes and regrets. You keep slipping back to sins over and over and over again. You repent over and over and over and Allah forgives you. But then you just keep falling again and again. That is the human nature. We will never be infallible. We all have things we are not proud of. We all have mistakes we wish we could undo. But here Allah (S.W) is reminding us that He is THEE MOST MERCIFUL and that however many your sins are, He is ready to forgive you if you repent. So never despair. Never think that your sins are too big for His mercy. You have a chance. I have a chance. We all have a chance to start afresh and change our lives for the better.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent.” (Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2499)

5.

The entire Surat Luqman is definitely one of the best chapters in the Qur’an (Especially when recited with a qar’i like Islam Sobhi :p ). But more so, is the advice of Luqman to his son which is like a life skills session of its own.

يَٰبُنَىَّ أَقِمِ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأْمُرْ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَٱنْهَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَٱصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَصَابَكَ ۖ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ ٱلْأُمُورِ (١٧)
O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.

وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا ۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ (١٨)
And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful.

‘And be patient over what befalls you…’ I find this specific part to be have so much depth in it. The ayahs are quite straightforward and Luqman aleyhi ssalam’s wisdom is worth adhering to.

Please take a moment to go through the entire surah with its translation, and learn more in shaa Allah.

***

Let us meet here next week in shaa Allah for the third part of the series. In the mean time, I hope you’re having a great ramadhan and that you are using your time well. And because I want us to spend our time wisely, here’s a youtube series to watch after your ibaadah. It is the best series to restore your faith in humanity and it has daily episodes with English subtitles.

Here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTYNerRYjdiyRNR6LgRmOOQ

If you don’t know of it, thank me later! Or rather, include me in your duas 🙂

***

In another important news, we are trying to assist a brother pay his outstanding university fee balance of 91,730/= of three semesters. He pays for his own fees and thus lacks support. Kindly let us join hands and help with whatever little we can to clear his debt so he can resume classes and have access to exams. We will be conducting this fundraising for this entire week till next Saturday in shaa Allah. Mpesa no: 0704 731 560 (Lubnah). Yallah, Bismillah.

“Whoever alleviates (the situation of) one in dire strauts who cannot repay his debt, Allah will alleviate his lot in both this world and in the hereafter.” (Muslim)

Don’t forget to subscribe and share! Thank you and sawm maqbul!

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Deen (Religion)

RAMADHAN EDITION: AYAHS THAT MELT THE HEART (1)

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Image Courtesy of: https://depositphotos.com

There are so many profound, thought-provoking ayahs within the Qur’an. Add that with a heart-warming recitation of Islam Al Sobhi or Mansur Al Salimi and your heart just melts away. It could bring you to tears when you actually ponder the verses and reflect on them. I will share with you some of my favourite ayahs and I hope they bring meaning to your life just like they do for me.

1.

I love this ayah a lot and I refer to it all the time. Because it answers all the questions we have no answers to. All the uncertainties, all the doubts, the questions of ‘why?’ Why did I fail despite working so hard? Why do good people go through the worst? Why did I go through such an ugly divorce despite being a good wife? Why don’t I have children? Why does God allow bad things to happen? Why is this happening to me? Why me? WHY WHY WHY…This is the answer right here.  ‘Do the people think they will be left to say they believe and not be tested?’  I leave this here as food for thought because we could write an entire book about this one ayah.

2.

“Jugular vein, is any of several veins of the neck that drain blood from the brain, face, and neck, returning it to the heart via the superior vena cava. If you block the jugular veins, the pressure in the brain goes up. The jugular vein system is essential and is found fairly deep in the body.”

Now Allah (S.W) makes us aware that He is THAT close to us and MORE. He knows what is going on within us; when our hearts are filled with envy, when we have lowly desires, when we are breaking, when we are hurting, our true intentions; ALLAH KNOWS. Because He created us, how can He not know? This should make us both fear Him and trust Him. Fear Him because He is aware of all that goes on within us; the good, the bad and the ugly, even when we conceal it from the entire world. Trust Him because He knows when we are in pain, when we want His help, when we are striving to be better human beings. HE KNOWS of all that is within you. He is listening, He is watching, He is with you always. ALLAH KNOWS…

3.

Think for a moment of your happiest day. The day you felt elated the most. Think of that day then now reflect on this day. Allah (S.W.) tells you that THIS LIFE is nothing but diversion and play. That happiness, that joy, that ecstatic feeling is NOTHING compared to what Allah (S.W.) has in store for us in Jannah. Picture how much happier you can actually be in the next life if you do make it.

Now think of your saddest moment in life. The day your soul crumbled. The worst time of your existence. Think of that then reflect on this ayah. Allah (S.W) is reminding you that this life is NOTHING. That this material life is useless and pointless. He is telling you that what you see in this life, all that you yearn for, all that you ache for, is temporary and cheap. That this dunya is a cheap game. Don’t you want more? Don’t you want what’s real? What’s eternal? Jannah. Aim for that instead.

4.

“أَلَمْ يَأْنِ لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا أَن تَخْشَعَ قُلُوبُهُمْ لِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ وَمَا نَزَلَ مِنَ الْحَقِّ وَلاَ يَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلُ فَطَالَ عَلَيْهِمُ الْأَمَدُ فَقَسَتْ قُلُوبُهُمْ وَكَثِيرٌ مِّنْهُمْ فَاسِقُونَ”

Allah (S.W.) is asking you dear believer, has the time not come for YOU to submit to Allah? Has the time not come? What are we waiting for? The sun rising from the west? Malakul maut standing in front of us? Till when will we delay giving in to what truly brought us to this earth? Till when it is too late? Till our hearts become hard and the word of Allah does not affect us anymore? It is high time. It is high time.

5.

I grew up hearing this ayah all the time from my mother and father (alhamdulilah for my parents). They literally made me SEE this with my own eyes. Whenever my parents were stuck at any matter, they would always, always refer this ayah to us. It always awed me, how they believed that much yet Allah never failed to respond to them. One door would close, another would open. Another would open and the previous would close. Whenever my mother needed anything and she had absolutely no way out, she would still say it confidently, ‘Allah will bring a way’ or mostly, ‘لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ’ (Do not despair of the mercy of Allah) and I swear, Allah would always bring a way even if it was dead in the night. This wasn’t just with provision and money, but any kind of difficulty we faced. And through my parents, I learnt to trust that Allah will never forsake me so long as I have faith in Him.

There was a time I was at the matatu stage and I was feeling unwell. I just had two hundred shillings with me and there was no way I could go to the hospital with 200 bob. Also, I was supposed to be somewhere in town and that’s the same I needed for the fare. Nonetheless, I said I will tawakkal. I went to a nearby hospital in which the doctor has treated our family through out the years. So I walk in to the reception and she asks whether I had a card. The card was more than 4 months old and the hospital had a system where you had to renew the card every 3 months. So when I gave her the card, she was awed by how neat and new the card still looked and said, ‘Because you kept this very well, I won’t ask you to renew one now. You can go in and see the doctor.’ I go in and talk to the doctor for a while about my condition. At the end, I ask him how much it would cost. Remember, with me I just have two hundred shillings. Which doctor takes 200 shillings anymore?! The doctor looks at me and says, ‘You don’t have to pay anything. Take this prescription and buy the meds’. And that was it. I still got to go to both the hospital and my destination in town. Tell me, how is that even possible without Allah’s mercy? Coincidence? I bet not.

This doesn’t mean I am pious. Far from it. Nor does it mean I feel better than others, walyadhu billah. But I just wanted to show this example how Allah actually and truly gives you a way out when you have faith in Him.

There is a lady who lacked anything in her house some years back. It was Ramadhan like it is now and she met her neighbour on the way. As we know our culture here in Mombasa, we’d ask, ‘Leo wapika nini futari?’ (what will you cook today for iftaar?’ The lady laughed and said, ‘Iftaar? I don’t even have the tiniest bit of salt let alone prepare any meal.’ Her neighbour immediately offered some little cash, but this lady knew that her neighbour was struggling just as she is. So she respectfully declined, thanked her and said, ‘God will bring a way’. She headed back home and upon opening the door, the entire seating room was filled with food items. The lady was shocked and asked her then jobless husband, ‘where did all this come from?’ The lady was a teacher and several parents of her students had brought her the food. The lady was so moved, she had to sit down to get a hold of herself. Tears were rolling down her eyes, awed by how good our Lord is.

Sadly, so many of us, Allah favours us in this same way, yet we never even recognize it. We become so blinded with this material life and forget who actually has been above it all; helping us, paving ways for us, removing blocks on the path. We assume we have what we do because we worked for it or because we deserve it. However, if you look keenly, you will know for sure, it is ONLY by ALLAH. Ask anyone who’s had it rough in life and eventually arose, they’ll tell you, ‘Ni Mungu tu…’

***
Ramadhan Mubarak to you my dear reader. May Allah accept our good deeds, forgive us, guide us, relieve our worries and doubts, protect us from Nar and grant us His mercy to see Him on the day of Judgement. May Allah grant us health, contentment, peace of mind and willingness to keep on striving on this earth. Ameen.

May Allah accept this as sadaqa jariya for me and my parents who’ve been my greatest example and role models on how to rely on Him alone. May Allah forgive them all their short-comings and grant them the highest level of jannah. Ameen.

Please do include me in your duas and stay tuned for part 2 in shaa Allah!

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Creative Fiction

HE IS LISTENING

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You are standing by the window, watching the raindrops hit your windowpane before touching the ground. The rain is rhythmic; you love its predictability, unlike your life. Your life needs a Sherlock Holmes to solve the unending mystery. Every other day, you seem to have a surprise stored for you. It makes you wonder whether you are a guinea pig of a social experiment. Perhaps some scientists just want to find out how much can a human being handle when in distress. You can almost hear their voices on the opposite side of the windowpane. They are using a lot of scientific jargon and psychological terms as they scrutinize you. You don’t really understand what they are saying but you know you are the subject of interest. Perhaps if this experiment and the theory works, you’ll become rich from what they’ll pay you. A happy guinea pig. You smile then sigh.

From afar, you hear your neighbour sobbing. There is a lot of commotion and shouting going on. Her husband is beating her up. Your heart aches a little more. Then you sigh again. Life is miserable, you think. They had been married for ten years; happy and blessed with six children. Then he re-married and boom! everything shattered. It wasn’t the re-marrying that brought the problems per se, it was the attitude towards his family. Life is scary like that. People change, love fades off, evil is real and the world is yet to end. Or you are the one who can’t wait for your own end.

Your father left your mother while you were two months old and she was critically ill. You are lucky to be here. There was a time you almost became homeless, you almost dropped out of school, you almost became malnourished, your mother almost died, YOU almost died; twice in fact. You look at the marks of the razor that went through your hand skin. You look at the scars skillfully and very carefully hidden under the famous Kenyan flag bracelet. You are lucky to be alive, with your mother and under a roof. You seem to have the nine lives of a cat or is it just life that loves you? Perhaps it is the scientists, pumping oxygen forcefully into you. They can’t lose their guinea pig.

‘I don’t want to be part of this social experiment anymore,’ you whisper to the virtual scientists. They look at you like you’re crazy. Like they want to shout on your face, ‘Do you know how much we’ve spent on you?! On this experiment?!’

You feel the burning sensation in your eyes. You force back the tears. ‘Wanaume hawalii’ (Men don’t cry) they say. You ask who? People. In the streets, the wazee in their barazas, youth on their Facebook posts. Real men don’t cry. You are tempted to ask how much tears can a man shed before he is regarded as ‘a useless man’ or even told, ‘You are no different from a woman’ Like a woman is a bad person. But you can’t ask because then, they’ll doubt your manhood.

You hear your mother groan in pain inside. It turns out she has leukemia. You’ve been jobless for the past five months. She’s been strong all along but strength at this point isn’t enough without the ridiculously expensive treatment she needs.

‘God? Can you hear me?’ You look up to the sky and gaze at it. Like you are waiting for a response from God. You and God, you have a strange relationship. Some nights, you stay up throughout, kneeling, begging, praying, crying in silence and talking to Him one on one. And sometimes, some days pass without saying a word to Him. Those days when you feel like He has abandoned you. When you feel like He doesn’t care about you. You get angry and ignore Him like a disappointed lover.

‘God, can you hear me?’ This time, you let the tears flow. It is night, no one will see your tears anyway. Your eyes have now become the Niagara falls. You had missed this. Talking to Him.

You remember this old man in your neighbourhood, he once told you, ‘Snap out of it; the self-pity. God is always there for everyone and anyone who calls out to Him.’ You slowly wipe the tears as you remember his most famous story that he narrates to you: ‘Job (Nabii Ayub A.S) didn’t die despite his severe illness. Abraham (Nabii Ibrahim) didn’t die despite being thrown into the fire.  Jonah (Nabii Yunus) didn’t die despite being swallowed by the whale. Joseph (Nabii Yusuf) didn’t die despite being thrown into the well. Jacob (Nabii Ya’qub) survived despite losing his son and his sight. And Ishmael (Nabii Ismael) survived despite the order that he is to be slaughtered. Whatever the test and turmoil you are in right now, God has a plan for you. Don’t give up on His mercy.’

You stare at the clear sky. It has stopped raining now and once again you call out, ‘God?’ Suddenly, you see a star, it twinkles. With tears in your eyes, you smile.

‘He is listening. God is listening!’

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