men – Strokes of My Pen

Deen (Religion)

100 HADITHS ON WOMEN (PART 4)

By Khalid Fauz Abdalla November 30, 2019

Image Courtesy: https://dlpng.com/png/5781665

You may read part 3 at: https://lubnah.me.ke/100-hadiths-on-women-part-3/

D. GENERAL BEHAVIOR كتاب الأدب

1. Looking at private parts of another

Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) said, “A man must not look at a man’s private parts nor must a woman look at a woman’s private parts; neither should two men lie naked under one cover, nor should two women lie naked under the same cover.” [Muslim].

وعن أبي سعيد رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: “لا ينظر الرجل إلى عورة الرجل، ولا المرأة إلى عورة المرأة، ولا يفضي الرجل إلى الرجل في ثوب واحد، ولا تفضي المرأة إلى المرأة في ثوب واحد”

رواه مسلم

2. Women walking with men in the street

Narrated AbuUsayd al-Ansari: AbuUsayd heard the Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) say when he was coming out of the mosque, and men and women were mingled in the road: Draw back, for you must not walk in the middle of the road; keep to the sides of the road. Then women were keeping so close to the wall that their garments were rubbing against it. {Grade : Hasan (Al-Albani)}

عَنْ حَمْزََة بنِ أبِي أسَيد الَأْنصَارِيِ ، عنْ أَبِيهِ، أََّنه سمِعَ رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يقُوُل وَُهوَ خَارِجٌ مِنَ اْلمَسْجد فاخْتلطَ الرِ جَاُل معَ النِ ساِء فِي الطرِيقِ فَقَاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم للنِ ساِء ” استَأْخرَْن فَِإنُه ليسَ لكنَّ أن تحْققنَ الطَّرِيقَ عليْكُنَّ بِحافَاتِ الطَّرِيقِ ” . فكاَنتِ اْلمَرْأة تْلتَصِقُ بِاْلجَِدارِ حَتى إن ثوَْبَها ليتعََّلقُ بِاْلجدارِ مِنْ لصُوقَِها بِهِ

3. Entering Bathhouses

It was narrated from Abu Malih AL-Hudhail that some women from the people of Hims asked permission to enter upon Aisha. She said: “Perhaps you are among those (women) who enter bathhouses? I heard the Messenger of Allahﷺsay: ‘Any woman who takes off her clothes anywhere but in her husband’s house, has torn the screen between her and Allah.'” {Sunan Ibn Majah 3750 Hasan (Darussalam)}

عَنْ أبِي اْلمَلِيحِ اْلُهذليِ ، أن نِسوًَة، مِنْ أَْهلِ حمصَ اسْتأذََّن عََلى عَائِشََة فقاَلتْ لعََّلكُنَّ مِنَ الَّلوَاتِي يدخُْلنَ اْلحَمَّاَماتِ سَمِعْتُ رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ يقوُل ” أيمَا اْمرَأَةٍ وَضَعَتْ ثِيَاَبَها فِي غيْرِ بيتِ زَوْجها فقد هتكَتْ سِترَ ما بينها وََبيْنَ اَّلِلّ ”

4. Ingratitude

Asma’ was heard to say that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, passed by a group of women sitting down in the mosque. He said to the salam with his hand and said, “Beware of the ingratitude of those with blessings. Beware of the ingratitude of those with blessings.” One of them said, “We seek refuge with Prophet, Prophet of Allah, from ingratitude for the blessings of Allah.” He said, “Yes. One of you women might have been without a husband for a long time (and then Allah provides her with one) and she becomes angry and says, ‘By Allah, I have never seen a hour of good from you. That is ingratitude for the blessings of Allah. That is the ingratitude of those with blessings.'” {Sahih (Al-Albani) Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 1047}

عَنْ شَْه رٍ قاَ ل: سَمِعْ تُ أسْمَاَء،أََّنالنَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مرَّفِي اْلمَسْجد،وَعُصْبة مِنَ النِ ساِءقعُوٌد،قَال بِيد هِ إَِليهِ نَّ بِالسَّلَامِ،فقاَ ل: إَِّياكُ نَّ وَكُفرَاَ ن اْلمنعِمِينَ ، إَِّياكنَّ وَكفرَان اْلمُنعِمِينَ،قاَلتْ إِحداُهنَّ : نعُوذُ بِاَّلِلّ ياَنبِ يَّ الِله مِ نْ كفرَان نِعَ مِ الِله،قاَل : بَلى إَِّن إِحَْداكُنَّ تطُوُ ل أَْيمَتها،ثمَّ تغْضَ بُ اْلغَضْبََة فَتَقُوُل :وَاَّلِلّ مارَأَْي تُ مِنه سَاعًَ ة خَيرًا قطُّ، فذلكَ كفْرَان نِعَ مِ الِله، وَذلكَ كفْرَاُن نِعَمِ اْلمنعِمِينَ

5. Shaking hands with opposite sex

Muhammad bin Munkadir said that he heard Umaimah bint Ruqaiqah say: “I came to the Prophet(ﷺ) with some other women, to offer our pledge to him. He said to us: ‘(I accept your pledge) with regard to what you are able to do. But I do not shake hands with women.’” {Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan Ibn Majah2874}

سمِعَ محَمََّد بنَ اْلمُنكدرِ، قاَل سمِعْتُ أَُميْمََة بِنتَ رُقَيْقة، تقوُل جئتُ النبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي نِسْوَةٍ نبَايِعُُه فقَاَل لنا ” فِيمَا اسْتَطعْتُنَّ وَأطقْتُنَّ إ نِي لَا أُصَافِحُ النِ سَاَء ”

6. Women and leadership

Narrated Abu Bakra: During the battle of Al-Jamal, Allah benefited me with a Word (I heard from the Prophet). When the Prophet heard the news that the people of the Persia had made the daughter of Khosrau their Queen (ruler), he said, “Never will succeed such a nation as makes a woman their ruler.” {Sahih al-Bukhari 7099}

عَنْ أبَيِ بَكْرَةَ ،قاَلَ لَقدَْ نَفَعنَيِ الل بِكَلِمَةٍ أيَاَّمَ الْجَمَلِ لَمَّا بَلَغَ النبَّيَِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أنََّ فاَرِسًا مَلكَُّوا ابْنةََ كِسْرَى قاَلَ ” لنَْ يفُْلِحَ قوَْمٌ وَلوَّْا أمَْرَهُمُ امْرَأةًَ “

7. Regarding why women are deficient in intelligence and religion

Narrated Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri: Once Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) went out to the Musalla (to offer the prayer) of `Id-al-Adha or Al-Fitr prayer. Then he passed by the women and said, “O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women).” They asked, “Why is it so, O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) “? He replied, “You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you.” The women asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) !What is deficient in our intelligence and religion?” He said, “Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?” They replied in the affirmative. He said, “This is the deficiency in her intelligence. Isn’t it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?” The women replied in the affirmative. He said, “This is the deficiency in her religion.” {Sahih al-Bukhari 304}

عَنْ أبِي سَعِيٍد اْلخُْدرِيِ ، قاَل خَرَجَ رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي أضْحًى ـ أوْ فِطْرٍ ـ إَِلى اْلمُصلى، فَمرَّ عََلى النِ سَاِء فقاَل يا معْشَرَ النِ ساِء تصدقْنَ، فَِإ نِي أُرِيتكنَّ أكثرَ أهلِ النارِ “. فَقُْلنَ وَبِمَ يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ قَاَل ” تكثِرَْن الَّلعْنَ، وََتكفرَْن اْلعَشِيرَ، ما رَأَْيتُ مِنْ نا قِصَاتِ عَقلٍ وَِدينٍ أَذَْهبَ لُلبِ الرَّجلِ اْلحَازِمِ مِنْ إِحَْداكنَّ “. قلنَ وََما نقصَاُن دينِنَا وَعقلِنَا يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ قاَل ” أليْسَ شََهاَدُة اْلمَرْأةِ مِثْلَ نِصفِ شهاَدةِ الرَّجُلِ “. قلنَ بَلى. قاَل ” فذلكَ مِنْ نقصانِ عَقْلَِها، أََليسَ إِذَا حَاضَتْ لمْ تصَلِ وََلمْ تصمْ “. قلنَ بَلى. قَاَل ” فََذلكَ مِنْ نقصَانِ دينَِها “

8. Turning effeminate men and women out of your houses

Narrated Ibn `Abbas: The Prophet (ﷺ) cursed effeminate men (those men who are in the similitude (assume the manners of women) and those women who assume the manners of men, and he said, “Turn them out of your houses .” The Prophet (ﷺ) turned out such-and-such man, and `Umar turned out such and-such woman. {Sahih al-Bukhari 5886}

عَنِ اْبنِ عَباسٍ، قاَل لعَنَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم اْلمُخَنثِينَ مِنَ الرِ جَالِ، وَاْلمُترَج لَاتِ مِنَ النِ ساِء وَقَاَل ”أَخرِجوُهمْ مِنْ بيوتِكمْ قاَل فأخْرَجَ النبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فُلَاًنا، وَأَخْرَجَ عمرُ فُلانا .

9. Why most women are fuel for hell-fire

Jabir b. ‘Abdullah reported: I observed prayer with the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) on the ‘Id day. He commenced with prayer before the sermon without Adhan and Iqama. He then stood up leaning on Bilal, and he commanded (them) to be on guard (against evil for the sake of) Allah, and he exhorted (them) on obedience to Him, and he preached to the people and admonished them. He then walked on till he came to the women and preached to them and admonished them, and asked them to give alms, for most of them are the fuel for Hell. A woman having a dark spot on the cheek stood up and said: Why is it so, Messenger of Allah? He said: For you grumble often and show ingratitude to your spouse. And then they began to give alms out of their ornaments such as their earrings and rings which they threw on to the cloth of Bilal. { Sahih Muslim 885 b}

عَنْ جَابِرِ بنِ عَبد اَّلِلّ، قاَل شَهِْدتُ معَ رَسولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم الصَّلَاَة يوْمَ اْلعِيِد فبََدأَ بِالصلَاةِ قَبلَ اْلخُطْبةِ بِغَيرِ أذَانٍ وَلَا إِقاَمةٍ ثمَّ قَامَ متَوَكِ ئًا عََلى بِلَالٍ فأمرَ بِتقوَى اَّلِلّ وَحَثَّ عََلى طاعتِهِ وَوَعظَ الناسَ وَذَكَّرَُهمْ ثمَّ مضَى حَتى أتى النِ سَاَء فَوَعظهنَّ وَذكَّرَُهنَّ فَقَاَل تصََّدقنَ فإَّن أكثرَكنَّ حَطَبُ جهنَّمَ فقاَمتْ اْمرَأٌَة مِنْ سِطَةِ النِ سَاِء سَفعَاُء اْلخََّدْينِ فقاَلتْ لمَ يا رَسوَل اَّلِلّ قَاَل لَأَّنكنَّ تكثِرَْن الشَّكاَة وََتكفرَْن اْلعَشِيرَ قَاَل فَجَعَْلنَ يتَصََّدقْنَ مِنْ حُلِي هِنَّ يْلقِينَ فِي ثوْبِ بَِلالٍ مِنْ أقْرِطَتِهِنَّ وَخَوَاتِمِهِنَّ

10. Wailing women

Abu Malik al-Ash’ari reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: Among my people there are four characteristics belonging to pre-Islamic period which they do not abandon: boasting of high rank, reviling other peoples’ genealogies, seeking rain by stars, and wailing. And he (further) said: If the wailing woman does not repent before she dies, she will be made to stand on the Day of Resurrection wearing a garment of pitch and a chemise of mange. {Sahih Muslim 934}

أََبا ماِلكٍ الَأشْعَرِيَّ حََّدَثُه أن النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل أرَْبعٌ فِي أمتِي مِنْ أمرِ اْلجاهِلِيَّةِ لَا يتْرُكُوَنهنَّ اْلفَخْرُ فِي الَأحْسَابِ وَالطَّعْنُ فِي الَأْنسابِ وَالِاستِسْقَاُء بِالنُّجُومِ وَالنِ ياحَُة ” . وَقاَل ” النَّائِحة إِذَا لمْ تتُبْ قب لَ موْتَِها تقامُ يوْمَ اْلقِيَاَمةِ وَعليَْها سِرَْباٌل مِنْ قطِرَانٍ وَِدرْعٌ مِنْ جَرَبٍ ”

11. The best woman

Narrated Abu Hurairah: It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: “It was said to the Messenger of Allah: ‘Which woman is best?’ He said: ‘The one who makes him happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and she does not go against his wishes with regard to herself nor her wealth.’” {Hasan (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3231}

عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قِيلَ لرَسُولِ اَّ لِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أىُّ النِ سَاِء خَيرٌ قَاَل اَّلتِي تسرُُّه إِذَا نظَرَ وَُتطِيعُُه إِذَا أمرَ وَلَا تخَاِلفه فِي نفسَِها وََماِلَها بِما يكْرَُه ”

12. A woman is forbidden to shave her head

Ali narrated: “The Messenger of Allah prohibited that a woman should shave her head.” {Hasan (Darussalam) Jami` at-Tirmidhi 914 }

عَنْ عَلِيٍ ، قاَل نَهى رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَْن تحْلِقَ اْلمَرْأة رَأسََها .

13. Rewards of a good wife

Umm Salamah narrated that The Messenger of Allah said: “Whichever woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, then she enters Paradise.” {Hasan (Darussalam) Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1161}

عَنْ أمِ سََلمََة، قاَلتْ قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم “أيمَا اْمرَأةٍ ماَتتْ وَزَوْجَُها عَنها رَاٍض دخلتِ اْلجَنة

14. Protective jealousy

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: The Messenger of Allah said: “There is a kind of protective jealousy that Allah loves and a kind that Allah hates. As for that which Allah loves, it is protective jealousy when there are grounds for suspicion. And as for that which He hates, it is protective jealousy when there are no grounds for suspicion.” {Sahih (Darussalam) Arabic : Book 9, Hadith 2074 Sunan Ibn Majah }

أَبي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قَاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ “مِنَ اْلغَيرَةِ ما يحبُّ اَّلُلّ وَمِنها ما يكْرَُه اَّلُلّ فَأََّما ما يحبُّ فاْلغَيرَُة فِي الرِ يبةِ وَأما ما يكْرَُه فَاْلغَيرَُة فِي غَيرِ رِيبةٍ

To be continued…

Creative Non-Fiction

NOT ALL THE MEN ARE THE SAME

By Lubnah Abdulhalim June 19, 2018

At our home, we have a wooden door that has two stickers. The words on it are: ‘Father means you are taking care of your children. Husband means you are taking care of your wife. You are accepting the responsibilities of manhood. -Malcolm X’ Both stickers have the same words; one sticker at the top of the door and the other at the middle. You know, in case the man walking in is short or tall, we have you sorted. The words are for you. Coming from a family blessed with daughters, this set the bar for all of us. Our father taught us what being a good father and husband means and our mother taught us to never settle for less than what we truly deserve or make us happy.

Being a naturally observant person, I came to realize how appealing this theory of ‘All men are the same’ is. We do have some significant characteristics that you’d find in men; most men or all men but there’s still a difference. And sometimes the differences are so big you’d think some are men from different clay. Perhaps one lot is made from clay blue marble and another from soft clay and maybe another from kaolin? Only God knows. Like you know, the easiest example is say ‘All men like football’ or cars or even play station. While significantly many of them do, several others don’t. A lady will most probably assume this man she just met likes football because well that’s the norm, until she realizes he doesn’t. So when men mess up and then another messes up, its so easy to put the pieces as one and put them into the same basket. As we say in Kiswahili, ‘yai moja likioza yote yaoza’ and that’s how we just take it.

There is a fairly elderly man that I know, who twenty years after his marriage, still treats his wife like a queen. When it gets to 12 noon, you’d see him drop everything to go pick his wife for lunch and when he is running late, he would literally panic. In your mind you’s think perhaps his wife is the dominant, intimidating kind but no. His wife is so quiet, so reserved. So it has nothing to do with a woman ‘kumkalia chapati’. The man just loves and respects his wife. This is twenty years later my friend, not within one or two years or within the honeymoon period. I also know of another man who lets his wife run all the financial matters in the house, investments and all the projects that they handle together. It is not a matter of control or a competition on who is man enough or a feminist. It’s all a matter of the respect two people decide to give each other and how far their trust goes. These are just two examples but there are several good men out there; responsible husbands, great fathers and role models for their children. Men who know how to be kind and compassionate to their families. Well, where does this brand of men come from? Different type of clay?

Some time back this one man married the woman he loved. She was beautiful. You know the modern society ‘beautiful’? That high bar classification of modern beauty? Yes she was that beautiful. She is from a noble family with hair to her waist. You’d think love and beauty will be enough to keep a marriage together but it rarely does. Years down the line, the man is seated across the room from where I am seated, praising his third wife after divorcing the other two. Speaking of how his current loves him and spends on him as he shows off the gifts. I then remember his first wife. The woman tried. God knows she did all she could to ensure he never looks or marries another woman. Yet she didn’t succeed. Despite all her strengths and her good traits. I am not being judgmental because only God and them know why the previous marriages didn’t work but I just think of this poor lady rejoicing over her new catch and probably doing all she can to ensure he doesn’t go anywhere else. But we all know the truth don’t we? That a man can’t be kept. He chooses to stay. A man can’t be changed. He chooses to change himself. I do sincerely wish this lady and this man that their happiness lasts but them aside, we know that the reality is more cruel than that. We know there’s only so much a woman can do to make her husband love her and stay with her.

A man can’t be bought into settling down. A man can’t be seduced by beauty if he decides not to care about that specific beauty. You could be the most humble human being, best manners and the ideal wife. You could do all the tricks they mention on the internet and relationship books. Yet if this man decides not to look at you or care about you and your children then that’s just it. If he ever changes then it is because it was his personal choice to appreciate what you do for him. You could have the curves all men crave for but he could still decide to cheat on you. So no honey. Men are not the same. Another kind of man, another breed, the one made from the other special kind of clay wouldn’t make you feel inferior or mock you in any way even if your face is full of pimples and acne or you gained a little more weight this month. He wouldn’t humiliate you in front of your children just because you aren’t such a good cook. He would strive to be better so both of you can both grow financially, spiritually and mentally. If a man truly loves his wife, he’d go out of his way to ensure things work. You think this is too fairy taley? No its not. Our society has just put the wrong idea of marriage and love and family in our heads, when a man acts right, it is so unusual for us, we think the woman has done something to him.

There are many kinds of men out there. Some who are hard like rocks and stern like robots. They wouldn’t even ask your opinion on which school to take your own child. And there are men whose compassion fluctuates like their mood swings. Today they decide to be kind and treat their wives like queens and the next day they decide spending time at home is unmanly so he’d rather go at the baraza to sit idly with friends. And there are men who make their wives their partners and they communicate efficiently and work to build their marriages just like they build their careers. And there are those who live like bachelors despite having a wife waiting for them at home. And some are just dead beat fathers. Those who are joyful and charming to the entire world except his wife and children. And there are those who are like the butterflies; they fly to the flower for pollination and once its done, they go for more attractive flowers. Others just marry to have someone cook and wash their clothes and take care of their needs. And there are those who trust their wives to the extent of handing them their passwords and bank pins and allow them to have a say in everything. It goes on and on. All you could ever do as a woman is pray to have a proper man who will raise proper children who in turn will be proper sons and future fathers.

The world is not just black and white. Its the same with men.

Deen (Religion)

THINKING OUT LOUD: HIJAB & BEING IN DENIAL

By Lubnah Abdulhalim May 3, 2018

Image Courtesy: https://standup4islam.wordpress.com

Can we think of this scenario together please? Yes, thank you for your undivided attention.

So, we all know that Mombasa has been having high crime rates in the recent years right? The youth gangs, mapangas and all the radical groups. Yet if you ask anyone, they’ll tell you that Nairobi is the scariest and most dangerous place in this regard. Isn’t it why we call it Nairobbery? Whether you are in Mombasa or Nairobi, there is a probability that you might actually be attacked or robbed in either places right? But you’d still take extra precautions to safeguard yourself when in Nairobi than in Mombasa, am I wrong? Great. We agree till this point. Naturally, this is the logical way to deal with these two scenarios according to the threat.

Now that scenario aside, here is a totally different scenario. I have seen this quote several times and I feel it is very deep. It goes like this:
“Was it really my fault?” asked the short skirt.
“No, it happened with me too,” replied the burqa.

It is very very deep and what we can stipulate from this quote is that:
#Rape is real.
#Anyone can be a rape victim despite their religion, their age, their looks, their clothing, their race or their lifestyle. Whether you wear rags and live in the streets or are a classy, married woman in your home, rape could get to you.
#We are in a cruel, evil and ugly world. This is our reality.

I mean, this is such a messed up world we are in at the moment. So messed up. We have people marrying their dogs and incest seems normal. How more messed up can it be than it already is really? We have people raping 5 month old babies and 98 year old men. Yes, men are raped too. We are lost and a twisted society.

Now that we have known we live in a perverted world, what are the chances that the one in a burqa will be raped compared to the one wearing provocatively?

The truth is, chances may be close to 50-50 because rapists are just rapists. They just go with how their self drives them. And that’s how scary it is. Nonetheless, wouldn’t you try at least do whatever you can, to not provoke unnecessary emotions in the man across the street?

Scientifically, men have as much as 20 times more testosterone in their systems than women. This makes men typically aggressive, dominant and more narrowly focused on the physical aspects of sex. They say that in men, the dominant perceptual sense is vision, which is typically not the case with women. In a situation where a woman sees a potential relationship/marriage in a man, he sees her physical features and what he can do to her. Yep, lust is the word. Now, this obviously doesn’t justify when men misbehave towards women but at least we are enlightened that men are naturally inclined to women unlike the magnitude women are inclined to men. It is definitely not the same.

Daleel in the qur’an? Allah (S.W) says in surat Al-Imran: {Beautified for men is the love of things they covet (desire); women, children, much of gold and silver (wealth), branded beautiful horses, cattle and well-tilled land. This is the pleasure of the present world’s life; but Allah has the excellent return (Paradise with flowing rivers, etc.) with Him.} So women are like gems in the eyes of men and this is mentioned in many hadiths, ayats which state that women are for men. Have you seen anywhere in the holy books where it is written on how men are a gift for the women or anything of the sort? No. Because women are the gifts, they are the ones who are precious. This is also why the man has to pay dowry when he wants to marry a lady. She is his gem. Not the other way round. We women hold a high status because yes, a man can’t do without a woman. It was why our mother Hawa (R.A.A) was brought into this world; for Adam. Not Adam being brought for Hawa. Are you getting the picture? I hope so.

I am just trying to break this down into small bits so we can stay on the same page.

From the scientific fact mentioned and the ayah up there, do we finally see the wisdom why Allah (S.W.) to cover herself entirely while the man is asked to cover only what is between his knees and belly button? Yes, because men are never going to change any time soon. They’ll still stare at you and there is a high probability your daughter will be cat-called and her daughter too. They are naturally and biologically inclined to look at you and flirt and just try to sweep you away. It is not right. It definitely isn’t but the reality is that our world is perverted and with social media being here, immorality will remain a challenge for a long time. The few good men who actually observe self-control and respect women, doesn’t mean their testosterone is any less, it just means they made a choice to behave appropriately (cheers to the good men aye?)

Getting to my point now, dear fellow Muslim ladies, don’t you think we have a responsibility to actually TRY and not provoke these beastly men? Back to the Mombasa/Nairobi example. Don’t we think our dressing does have an effect to a certain extent on how men react towards us?

I am sorry but I don’t really agree with ‘my dress, my choice’ because one, it puts our worldly pleasures ahead of what Allah has actually asked from us. Do you think the ladies who observe proper hijab don’t wish sometimes they could also doll themselves up and share their images with the world and get praises? That is a natural desire…yet they swallow it up and just laugh when people tell them they look like hababas in their jilbabs and all other kinds of jokes and mockery. It is a struggle for them too yet they still choose deen over dunya. Number two, we tend to forget that our actions do have consequences. Would you rather have a strange man staring at you with your body curves exposed or with you in a full hijab? Rape and harassment aside, we know that that is beyond our control and as said earlier, sometimes you could get raped either way. But still, wouldn’t you feel a little bit safer, even if just a tiny bit, safer being in a burqa and he can’t really see you as YOU with all your curves and all that? I intentionally highlighted the word ‘strange man’ because however much you think you know someone; this man who could even be your relative, you just never know when they might actually turn against you. This includes a father, an uncle or even a brother. So yes, they are still strange men and that’s why despite us being allowed to be comfortably dressed in front of our mahrams, there is still a limit on how much they should see and a level of modesty to observe. A man is still a man at the end of the day and satan doesn’t take a break just because these are people too close to you. The only who man who won’t be a stranger to you is your husband who rightfully deserves to see you.

You know what’s the saddest part of this story? We are denial. We are in denial that our actions have consequences. We are in denial that we are going wrong. Just to set this straight, I am in the least bit appropriate to talk about the perfect and proper hijab because I also know I am not exactly there. But I also know that this is a concern that we should talk about. My dear sister, when you share your photos of yourself without hijab or an improper dressing, you don’t get to complain when men misbehave because both you and the man are in the wrong. You provoked him, he misbehaved. Both are wrong. So you don’t get to remove the blame from yourself…at least not entirely. And when a fellow lady comes up to you and humbly (I said humbly) asks you about your hijab or advises you about your improper dressing, you say, ‘You can’t judge me. Only God can.’

Where we go wrong is not just the sinning, it is the exposing the sin and bringing God into the equation by saying only He can judge you. Sinning is one thing and exposing our sins is another. We all sin in our different ways and perhaps at this point you don’t observe the right hijab. That is fine sister. Strive to be a better human being. Pray a lot and get closer to Allah. But you deciding to expose it with the justification that only God should judge you, is you being in denial that your actions have consequences. The prophet peace be upon him said, as stated in sahih Bukhari,
“All of my ummah (nation of followers) will be excused, except for the mujaahireen (those who make their sins known). And verily it is a kind of mujaaharah (exposing one’s sins) that a man does something (sinful) at night, and then in the morning, when Allaah has screened his sin for him, he says, ‘Hey So-and-So! I did such-and-such last night…’ And the night passed with His Lord screening him, and he wakes up casting aside the screen of Allaah from himself.”

We all trip, we all make mistakes…why are we so quick to attack anyone who comes to us to correct us? Why are so bitter to anyone who actually just wants the best for us? We sin, we expose the sin…fine. Someone comes to us in a good way and shows us how we are losing our sense of direction yet we backlash them and criticize them publicly because ‘they are being judgmental’

If one is an influencer,the situation becomes even worse because several people amongst the followers who look up to them would regard their actions and words as bible truth and imitate them because they are the role models. Imagine on yaumul qiyamah seeing yourself with a lot of bad deeds, not because you did them but because you did them and influenced other people to follow your footsteps. That said, I really appreciate social media influencers who actually speak out about their hijab (or any other) of their struggles openly and they don’t deny they are in the wrong, instead, the say openly how they are trying to change and become better individuals such that their followers don’t get a twisted view and do the wrong as well.

We need to accept our mistakes. We need to stop being in denial and accept that our actions have consequences. We have a choice here; whether to be Muslimahs who sin but are striving to change and be better or Muslimahs who sin, expose and justify their sins. (This applies to men too)

That said, if you see me tripping, girl, please find me. Please tell me. Please splash water on my face and widen my eyes. Knock my head hard if I become rebellious and reject the truth. I do want someone to love and care for me enough to show me when I am going wrong. Because yes, those who care for you truly will always try to lead you to what is right.

P.S I know this article will probably provoke some bitterness and anger, so here’s my apology in advance. It is not because I am perfect or being judgmental; it is only out of my deep concern on this matter that I write this. It is also okay if you don’t agree with my ‘thinking out loud’, let us agree to disagree. May Allah guide us all, ameen.

The Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) conveyed to us something of the previous prophets’ messages, that “If you have no shame, then do as you wish!”

I rest my case.

Creative Non-Fiction

WHERE CHASTITY AND DIGNITY LIES

By Lubnah Abdulhalim August 30, 2016

Photo Courtesy: http://www.duniavvanita.com/

Well this is a very sensitive topic that I would rather not talk about at any other time because it draws a lot of attention, judgement and even when not intentional, it tends to step on people’s toes. However, I got a request this morning that I should write about it and I agreed. I guess the end justifies the means, which is speaking out openly in this case and hopefully, opening the eyes of our younger sisters and brothers out there.

Okay, I get it, we all do mistakes in our lives and perhaps letting go of your virginity at such an early age was one of them. I am not about to judge you, mock you or even condemn you because I know for a fact that everyone knows what is wrong and what is right. All I am hoping is that you are not going to tag others along in this mess of yours (for those who fall here that is). That just because someone broke your virginity you decide to break everyone else’s too.

Okay again, perhaps this is 21st Century where no one is allowed to ‘interfere’ with your personal life, not even your parents. I also get it that this is the era where everywhere you go, all that you read says, ‘BE YOURSELF. DO WHAT YOU WANT. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE’ bla bla bla. Well yeah, these quotes may contain truths in them but it never really justifies lack of chastity. And as I had previously written about the Bermuda love triangles in my article ‘THE ERA TO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE’, it is really scary that the person you trust with the most precious thing which is your chastity, is not only sharing a bed with you but with several other girls or boys too. And as they all say it…once you are into the game then there is very little chance that you are ever going to call it quits. Well, the mistake has already been made. Perhaps once, twice, or several more times but what are you planning to keep for your husband/wife? What is left anyway? If it is your beauty then everyone can see that. If it is your money then anyone can use that. But your chastity? Your virginity? That is just the one thing that is meant for only one person; your spouse. And I am intentionally generalizing the sexes here because very few parents actually care about their sons’ chastity. It is made to seem OK. Just because they are the men of the house? Or because there is no way to prove their lack of chastity unless they say it themselves? But how then are we ever going to convince our younger sisters and our daughters to remain chaste and hold onto their dignity while they see their brothers sleeping around with different girlfriends every two months and sometimes even with married women/men?

Love? Don’t blame love for your lust. Don’t even try to justify yourself with, ‘she is my true love. We’ve been dating for five years..bla bla bla’ even if you’ve been dating for a whole lifetime, it still isn’t right, culturally, religiously and even morally. Previously, when I was younger, I used to wonder why parents used to make such a big deal after a girl is married and the husband reports that she was a virgin. Like why such a fuss? Isn’t that how it is supposed to be? But then I grew up and reality of the world struck; youth have made consummation a life goal just when they hit 18. Or is it 16? Well for the Western world it goes lower than that. So perhaps it does deserve all that excitement; their child has done the one thing that children nowadays can rarely do; abstain.

Dear girl, boy, man, woman who is still saving himself/herself for her spouse, be proud of yourself. Be really proud because right now, you are among the rarest gems. Keep holding your head up and never let your guard down. Never feel left out or embarrassed that you still don’t know how the intimacy world looks like or feels like. You eventually will; when the right time comes and with the right person. But most importantly, pray really hard to God that you don’t slip like many did. That you remain as chaste and majestic as you are now because Satan strikes when you least expect it. So yes, pray that God gives you the strength to get rid of all temptations and that He grants you a spouse that you rightfully deserve.

As for the one who has already made the mistake, I hope you are not convincing yourself with, ‘I was perfecting the art for my spouse.’ Sweetheart, stop lying to yourself. How much do you think your husband is going to value you when he realizes you are used material? Even if he loves you so much it is never going to be the same. The same applies to the man. Nonetheless, if you have decided to let the past mistakes remain there and let bygones be bygones, then well and good, you have done the right thing. You may have lost something but you can always be better than the rest. And that is by repenting, growing closer to God and avoiding repetition of your past mistakes. And one more thing too is to try and advise your friends and young ones to not fall into the same trap as you once did.

Not to sound too holy, judgmental or anything, i’d like to end this with a quote by Ezra Taft Benson: ‘The moral code of Heaven for both men and women is complete chastity before marriage and full fidelity after marriage.’

P.S. This article does not include the rape and sodomized victims. By all means, we know it is never their fault.

May God guide us all. Ameen.