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To read the third part of this series, click on the following link:  https://lubnah.me.ke/women-of-jannah-khadija-bint-khuwaylid/

#The love and compassion between father and daughter

Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her was only 5 years old when the first revelation occurred. She therefore grew up in Islam. She was the 5th child of the prophet and his last daughter (according to some narrations). There was once, when Fatima was still very young, the prophet peace be upon him was praying in front of the Kaabah and Abu Jahl, Shaybah and Uqba Ibn Abi Mu’ayt were nearby watching him. Abu Jahl then asked one to volunteer to pick the guts of a camel and all of its filth and dump it on the prophet’s back while praying, just to humiliate him. Uqba ibn Abi Mu’ayt volunteered and brought all that filth and dumped it on the prophet’s back while in sujood. Fatima, this very young, tender girl, seeing her father in this state while the people around laughed and cursed him, goes to him. She starts scraping all of the filth on his back while crying. The prophet peace be upon him then said to her: ‘Do not cry oh my daughter. Allah will help your father and give him victory.’ And this is when the prophet started cursing the individuals who had taken part in the humiliating action. It is narrated that these same individuals were among the first to be killed during the battle of badr.

The love and compassion between father and daughter was so vivid that Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her was nicknamed ‘Umm Abeeha’ which means ‘The mother to her father’. This was due to how much she took care of her father, as if she was his mother rather than his daughter.

When Khadija peace be upon her died, Fatima was the one who comforted him and handled the home affairs. Fatima was also nicknamed ‘Al Zahraa’ to mean ‘the illuminated one’ or ‘the shining one’ due to her radiant face as the prophet’s was. In fact it was well known how the two resembled each other so much, even in the manner of speaking and walking. And the prophet peace be upon him was never hesitant to show his love for her. Whenever Fatima came to him, he stood up, welcomed her, kissed her hand and made her sit in his place. And when the prophet peace be upon him went to her, she would do the same for him.

Whenever the prophet came back from a journey, he would pray two rakaahs in the masjid as is the Sunnah then go to Fatima’s house before going to see his wives.

How beautiful is this kind of relationship? Don’t we all wish we had such connections with our fathers? Unfortunately very few men adopt the prophet’s way of living with his women, and some feel it makes them seem weak if they showed affection to their children publicly or even privately. But here was the prophet, treated his daughter like real royalty despite the jahiliya culture of the Quraysh to belittle their women.

#Jannah is the goal

Now despite the prophet treating Fatima, may Allah be pleased with them both, as royalty, she and her husband Ali may peace be upon them lived a very simple life.

When he first wanted to come to propose to the prophet for Fatima’s hand, he came while being very nervous. He sat by the prophet but couldn’t say a word, so the prophet asked him if he had come to propose for Fatima’s hand and Ali said yes.

At that time Ali had nothing apart from a shield. So the prophet asked him to sell the shield and give the amount as dowry to Fatima. The prophet could have chosen any wealthy sahaba to marry him off to his most beloved daughter. Yet he accepted Ali’s proposal for he knew him to be a great man and an appropriate husband for his daughter. Their home was so humble and they slept on sheepskin.

“In another occasion, it is reported on the authority of Ali that Fatima had corns in her hand because of working at the hand-mill. There had fallen to the lot of Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) some prisoners of war. She (Fatima) came to the Prophet (ﷺ) but she did not find him (in the house). She met A’isha and informed her (about her hardship and wanting a servant). When Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) came, she (A’isha) informed him about the visit of Fatima. Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) came to them (Fatima and her family). They had gone to their beds. ‘Ali further (reported):

We tried to stand up (as a mark of respect) but Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: Keep to your beds, and he sat amongst us and I felt the coldness of his feet upon my chest. He then said: May I not direct you to something better than what you have asked for? When you go to your bed, you should recite Takbir (Allah-o-Akbar) thirty-four times and Tasbih (Subhan Allah) thirty-three times and Tahmid (al-Hamdu li-Allah) thirty-three times, and that is better than the servant for you.” (Sahih Muslim)

From this narration, we also see that despite the prophet’s ability to provide for Fatima a servant and make her live like real royalty with great comfort, he chose to teach them what is better i.e. what will be of benefit to them in the hereafter. In these several occasions, we see that the prophet, despite his grand love for his daughter, still chose to nurture the love for the akhera within her rather than for this dunya. And this is definitely something worth pondering for us. It is not impermissible to want to be wealthy and comfortable in life, but remember not to seek the dunya so much, instead, let Jannah be the goal.

#Standing for one another

So in different occasions whilst the prophet was at Aisha’s house (it was her turn to be with him), the sahabas would bring gifts to her house more than any other wife’s house. The other wives of the prophet were not happy about this so they sent Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her, to talk to the prophet on their behalf. In short, the wives wanted the prophet to put a stop to this matter for it seemed unfair. But this was not the prophet’s fault or any injustice from him. The people themselves preferred to do that. So when Fatima went to the prophet while he was with Aisha, she said to him: “Your wives have sent me to you in order to ask you to observe equity in case of the daughter of Abu Quhafa (Aisha).’ Aisha kept quiet and the prophet then said to Fatima, ‘Oh my daughter, don’t you love whom I love?’ She said: ‘I do.’ The prophet said: ‘I love this one’ (meaning Aisha). So Fatima stood up and went back to the other wives and told them what had ensued. They told Fatima: ‘We think that you have been of no avail to us. You may again go to Allah’s Messenger and tell him that his wives seek equity in case of the daughter of Abu Quhafa.’ Fatima said: ‘By Allah, I will never talk to him about this matter.’ (Sahih Muslim)

From her love for her father, Fatima decided not to pursue anything that would go against him and we can see the prophet doing the same for his daughter in another occasion when Ali bin Abi Talib, may Allah be pleased with him when he wanted to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl.

Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, wanted to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl. When Fatima heard about this, she went to the prophet saying: “Your people think that you do not become angry for the sake of your daughters as `Ali is now going to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl.” When she said that, the prophet stood up, said the shahadah then said, “I married one of my daughters to Abu Al-`As bin Al- Rabi` (the husband of Zainab, the daughter of the Prophet before Islam and he proved truthful in whatever he said to me. No doubt, Fatima is a part of me, and whoever makes her angry, makes me angry. By Allah, the daughter of Allah’s Messenger and the daughter of Allah’s Enemy cannot be the wives of one man.” So `Ali gave up that engagement. (Sahih Bukhari)

It should be noted that the prophet didn’t just stop Ali from marrying another wife alongside his daughter. This was the daughter of the enemy of the prophet and the enemy of Islam and it wouldn’t befit that Fatima, be in such a situation (of co-wifing the daughter of an enemy of Islam) so please don’t use this hadith to prevent polygamy 😀

#Piety and Modesty

Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her was known for her piety and modesty like her mother. This is the woman that the prophet peace be upon him named, ‘sayyidat nisaa’ al-jannah’ to mean, ‘the queen, the leader of the women of paradise’. Fatima is among the four women who perfected their faith alongside her mother (as we mentioned in the previous parts of this series). She was held in high esteem due to her character and imaan.

According to some opinions is that surat Insan was revealed concerning Fatima and Ali, may Allah be pleased with them. The family had fasted for 3 days to fulfill a vow they had made. In each evening, during iftar, someone knocked on their door asking for food. Once it was a prisoner of war, then an orphan then a poor person. In all three occasions, they gave out their food and were left with barely anything for themselves. And it is because of this selfless act that Allah subhanahu wataala revealed surat insan and He says:

“And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive. [Saying], “We feed you only for the countenance of Allah. We wish not from you reward or gratitude. Indeed, We fear from our Lord a Day austere and distressful.” So Allah will protect them from the evil of that Day and give them radiance and happiness. And will reward them for what they patiently endured [with] a garden [in Paradise] and silk [garments]….” (Surat Insan: verse 8-12) And Allah goes on to give an in-depth description of jannah and what will be available for them therein.

In another narration is that, when Fatima was on her death bed, she looked up in the heavens and smiled. She then called for Asmaa bint Umays who was the one going to wash her body. Fatima then requested Asmaa that after doing her ghusl upon her death, that her janazah be done at night so that there aren’t many people and also, she will be concealed. In another narration, Asmaa had mentioned of a tradition she had seen in Abyssinia where the dead are covered in a bier with a cloth on it whereby the body is concealed and cannot be seen. So Fatima requested that this same bier is used for her burial so that people will not see her body curves.

# ‘After You’

“Narrated `Aisha: Mother of the Believers: We, the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) were all sitting with the Prophet (ﷺ) and none of us had left when Fatima came walking, and by Allah, her gait was very similar to that of Allah’s Messenger.’ When he saw her, he welcomed her, saying, “Welcome, O my daughter!” Then he made her sit on his right or his left, confided something to her, whereupon she wept bitterly. When he noticed her sorrow, he confided something else to her for the second time, and she started laughing.

Only I from among the Prophet’s wives said to her, “(O Fatima), Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) selected you from among us for the secret talk and still you weep?” When Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) got up (and went away), I asked her, “What did he confide to you?” She said, “I wouldn’t disclose the secrets of Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)” But when he died I asked her, “I beseech you earnestly by what right I have on you, to tell me (that secret talk which the Prophet had with you)” She said, “As you ask me now, yes, (I will tell you).”

She informed me, saying, “When he talked to me secretly the first time, he said that Gabriel used to review the Qur’an with him once every year. He added, ‘But this year he reviewed it with me twice, and therefore I think that my time of death has approached. So, be afraid of Allah, and be patient, for I am the best predecessor for you (in the Hereafter).’ “Fatima added, “So I wept as you (`Aisha) witnessed. And when the Prophet (ﷺ) saw me in this sorrowful state, he confided the second secret to me saying, ‘O Fatima! Will you not be pleased that you will be chief of all the believing women (or chief of the women of this nation i.e. my followers?”) (Sahih al-Bukhari) It is also at this point that he confided in her that she would be the next companion to die right after him, which is what made Fatima laugh from joy, knowing that she would join him soon enough.

On her death bed, Fatima shared some moments with her husband Ali and asked him to marry Umamah after her death, the daughter of her sister Zaynab to take care of her children. Fatima is said to have died in the month of Ramadhan, 6 months or less after the prophet’s death. She was just 29 years old and left behind 4 children; Hassan, Hussein, Zaynab and Umm Kulthum. According to some narrations, her fifth child Muhsin had died before her. All in all, Fatima was known for her purity, piety and chastity. Moreover she was known as being the Prophet’s big supporter and caretaker.

#Ahlul Bayt

“Many came to the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, asking whom he loved the most, including Ali (ra) and Fatima (ra). He had the most eloquent answer, while maintaining his character of honesty. Even though Fatima was very dear to him and his heart was very attached to her, he didn’t want to answer in a way that would hurt Ali, whom he loved as his own son. He looked at Ali and said, ‘She is more beloved to me than you, but you are more precious to me than her’, making them both very happy.”

‘A’isha reported that Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) went out one morning wearing a striped cloak of the black camel’s hair that there came Hasan b. ‘Ali. He wrapped him under it, then came Husain and he wrapped him under it along with the other one (Hasan). Then came Fatima and he took her under it, then came ‘Ali and he also took him under it and then said:

“Allah only desires to take away any uncleanliness from you, O people of the household, and purify you (thorough purifying).”

(Sahih Muslim 2424)

And indeed, Allah purified them and elevated their status.

May Allah grant us an opportunity to be with them in Jannah. Ameen.

***

Alhamdulilah this brings us to the end of our Ramadhan series, ‘The women of Jannah’, the four women who perfected their faith (May Allah be pleased with them). Thank you so much for joining me for the entire month and for taking your time to read. May Allah accept our fasts, our ibadah, our duas and our tawbah. Ameen. Taqabala Llahu minna wa minkum. Eid Mubarak my good people 🙂

SOURCES:

https://sunnah.com/

Women Around The Prophet ﷺ‎/Part 14/ Fatima Bint Muhammad, Daughter of Prophet ﷺ‎- Assim al hakeem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04w-IgujIYU

Role Model for Modesty (Fatima bint Muhammad) – Women of Paradise – Omar Suleiman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXi0xqfiBfk

Fatima Bint Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) ᴴᴰ ┇ Must Watch ┇ by Sheikh Dr. Tawfique Chowdhury : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG0VIR2dWSg

https://www.al-islam.org/enlightening-commentary-light-holy-quran-vol-19/surah-al-insan-chapter-76

Cover photo created by rawpixel.com – www.freepik.com

You may read part 1 at: http://lubnah.me.ke/100-hadiths-on-women-part-1/

B. CLOTHES AND ADORNMENTS                                                                                        كتاب اللباس والزينة

1. Adding false hair

A’isha reported that a girl of the Ansar who had fallen ill and had lost the hair was married. They (her relatives) thought of adding false hair (to her head). So they asked Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) about it, whereupon he cursed the woman who adds false hair and the woman who asks for it.
Sahih Muslim 2123 a

عَنْ عَائِشََة، أن جَارَِيًة، مِنَ الَأْنصارِ تزَوَّجتْ وَأََّنها مرِضَتْ فتمَرَّطَ شَعْرَُها فأرَاُدوا
أَْن يصُِلوُه فسألوا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّه صلى الله عليه وسلم عنْ ذَِلكَ فََلعَنَ اْلوَاصَِلَة وَاْلمُسْتوْصَِلَة

2. Tattooing

Ibn ‘Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) said:
The Messenger of Allah cursed the maker and wearer of a wig and the tattooer and the one who is tattooed.
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim

وعن ابن عمر رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ةلعن الواصلة والمستوصلة والواشمةوالمستوش
(متفق عليه)

3. Creating spaces between teeth, plucking hair from the face

Narrated Ibn Mas`ud:
Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing or get it done for themselves, and those who remove hair from their faces, and those who create spaces between their teeth artificially to look beautiful, such ladies as change the features created by Allah. Why then shall I not curse those whom Allah’s Messenger has cursed and who are cursed in Allah’s Book too?

عَنِ اْبنِ مسْعُوٍد ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قاَل لعَنَ اَّلُلّ اْلوَاشِمَاتِ، وَاْلمُسْتوْشِمَاتِ، وَاْلمُتَنَم صاتِ وَاْلمُتفَ لِجَاتِ لْلحُسْنِ، اْلمُغَي رَاتِ خَْلقَ اَّلِلّ، ما لي لَا أَْلعَنُ منْ لعَنه رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَْهوَ فِي كِتَابِ اَّ لِلّ.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5943

4. Evil make-up

Sa, id b. Musayyib reported that Mu’awiya said one day:
Should I narrate to you the evil make-up. Allah’s Apostle(ﷺ) forbade cheating. It was during that time that a person came with a staff and there was a cloth on its head, whereupon Mu’awiya said: Behold, that is cheating. Qatada said: This implies how women artificially increase their hair with the help of rags.

عَنْ سَعِيِد بنِ اْلمُسَيبِ، أن معَاوَِيَة، قاَل ذَاتَ يوْمٍ إَّ نكُمْ قد أحَْدْثتمْ زِيَّ سَوٍْء وَإَِّن نبِيَّ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم نَهى عَنِ الزُّورِ . قاَل وَجَاَء رَجلٌ بِعَصا عََلى رَأسَِها خرْقة قاَل معَاوَِيُة ألَا وََهذا الزُّورُ . قَاَل قَتَاَدُة يعْنِي ما يكثِ رُ بِهِ النِ سَاء أشعَارَُهنَّ مِنَ اْلخرَقِ
. Sahih Muslim 2127 d

5. False impression

It was narrated from Sa’eed bin Al-Musayyab that Mu’awiyah said:
“The Messenger of Allah [SAW] forbade giving a false impression.”

عَنْ سَعِيِد بنِ اْلمُسَيبِ، أََّن معَا وَيَة، قَاَل إَِّن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم نَهى عَنِ الزُّورِ .
Grade : Sahih (Darussalam)
Sunan an-Nasa’i 5092

6. Wearing revealing clothes (tight, transparent attire)

Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) as saying:
Two are the types amongst the denizens of Hell, the one possessing whips like the tail of an ox and they flog people with their help. (The second one) the women who would be naked in spite of their being dressed, who are seduced (to wrong paths) and seduce others with their hair high like humps. These women would not get into Paradise and they would not perceive the odour of Paradise, although its fragrance can be perceived from such and such distance (from great distance).

عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قَاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ” صِنفَانِ مِنْ أهلِ النارِ لمْ أرَُهمَا قَوْمٌ معَُهمْ سِيَاطٌ كأذَْنابِ اْلبقرِ يضْرُِبوَن بَِها النَّاسَ وَنِسَاٌء كَاسِياتٌ عَارَِياتٌ ممِيلَاتٌ مائِلَاتٌ رُُءوسهنَّ كَأَسنِمةِ اْلبخْتِ اْل مَائَِلةِ لَا يْدخُْلنَ اْلجَنة وَلَا يجِْدَن رِيحها وَإن رِيحََها لتُوجَُد مِنْ مسِيرَةِ كذا وَكذا ” .
Sahih Muslim 2128 b

7. Applying heena to nails

Narrated Aisha, UmmulMu’minin:
A woman made a sign from behind a curtain to indicate that she had a letter for the Messenger of Allah. The Prophet(ﷺ) closed his hand, saying: I do not know this is a man’s or a woman’s hand. She said: No, a woman. He said: If you were a woman, you would make a difference to your nails, meaning with henna.

عَنْ عَائِشََة، – رضى الله عنها – قَاَلتْ أَوَْمتِ اْمرَأٌَة مِنْ وَراِء سِترٍ بِيدَها كِتابٌ إَِلى رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقبضَ النبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَدُه فقاَل ” ما أَْدرِي أيُد رَجُلٍ أمْ يُد اْمرَأةٍ ” . قَاَلتْ بلِ اْمرَأٌَة .
قَاَل ” لوْ كنتِ اْمرَأة لغَيرْتِ أَظفارَكِ ” . يعْنِي بِاْلحناِء .
Hasan (Al-Albani)
SunanAbiDawud 4166

8. Wearing gold and silk

Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) said, “Wearing of silk and gold has been made unlawful for males and lawful for the females of my Ummah.”
[At-Tirmidhi].

وعن أبى موسى الأشعرى رضى الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: “حرم لباس الحرير والذهب على ذكور أمتي ،وأحل لإناثهم”

9. Copying men

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas:
The Prophet(ﷺ)cursed women who imitate men and men who imitate women.
عَنِ اْبنِ عَباسٍ، عَنِ النبِيِ صلى الله عليه وسلم أََّنه لعَنَ اْلمُتشَبَِ هاتِ مِنَ النِسَاِء بِالرِ جالِ وَاْلم تَشَبهِينَ مِنَ الرِ جَالِ بِالنِسَاِء
Sahih (Al-Albani) SunanAbiDawud 4097

10. Clothing and covering

Narrated Aisha, UmmulMu’minin:
Asma, daughter of AbuBakr, entered upon the Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) wearing thin clothes. The Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) turned his attention from her. He said: O Asma’, when a woman reaches the age of menstruation, it does not suit her that she displays her parts of body except this and this, and he pointed to his face and hands.

عَنْ عَائِشََة، رضى الله عنها أن أسمَاَء بِنْتَ أَبِي بكرٍ، دخََلتْ عََلى رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَعليَْها ثِيابٌ رِقَاقٌ فأعْرَضَ عَنها رَسُوُل اَّلِلّه صلى الله عليه وسلم وَقَاَل ” يا أسْمَاُء إَِّن اْلمَرْأة إِذَا بَلغَتِ اْلمَحِيضَ لمْ تصُْلحْ أَْن يرَى مِنها إِلَّا هذا وََهذا ” . وَأشَارَ إَِلى وَجْهِهِ
وَكَفيهِ
SunanAbiDawud 4104

11. Dragging of hem (the edge of a piece of cloth, such as the bottom edge of a skirt or dress, that is folded over and sewn)

It was narrated that Umm Salamah said:
“The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was asked how much a woman should let her hem drag. He said: ‘A hand span.’ She said: ‘But then it will uncover her (feet).’ He said: ‘A forearm’s length, and no more than that.'”
Sahih (Darussalam)
Sunan an-Nasa’i 5339

عَنْ أمِ سََلمََة، قاَلتْ سُئِلَ رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم كَمْ تجُرُّ اْلمَرْأة مِنْ ذَْيلَِها قاَل شِبْرًا ” . قَاَلتْ إذًا ينْكشِفَ عَنها . قاَل ” ذرَاعٌ لَا تزِيُد عليَْها ”

12. A dragging hem is purified by what comes after it Abdur-Rahman bin Awf’s Umm Walad said, :

“I said to Umm Salamah: ‘Indeed I am a woman with lengthy hems, and I walk in places of filth.’ So she said: ‘Allah’s Messenger said: “It is purified by what comes after it.”
Hasan (Darussalam)
Jami` at-Tirmidhi 143

عَنْ أمِ وََلٍد، لعَبد الرَّحْمَنِ بنِ عوْفٍ قاَلتْ قُْلتُ لأمِ سََلمََة إِ نِي اْمرَأة أطِيلُ ذَْيلِي وَأَْمشِي في اْلمكانِ اْلقذرِ فقاَلتْ قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم
””يطهِرُُه ما بعَْده :

13. Regarding perfume

Narrated Abu Musa:
that the Prophet(ﷺ) said: “Every eye commits adultery, and when the woman uses perfume and she passes by a gathering, then she is like this and that.'” Meaning an adulteress.

عَنْ أبِي موسَى، عَنِ النبِيِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل ” كُلُّ عَينٍ زَانِية وَاْلمَرْأة إِذَا استَعْطَرَتْ فمَرَّتْ بِاْلمجْلِسِ فَهيَ كذا وَكذا يعْنِي زَانِية ” .
Grade : Hasan (Darussalam)

To be continued…

This article (edited version) was first published on ‘Travel Log Magazine’ an insert of Standard Newspaper on 6/6/2019

Anywhere you go outside what you consider home, you will experience culture shock. Different races, languages, accents, weird behaviours, unique looks, interesting concepts. That is not unless you are a Muslim hijabi woman then YOU are the culture shock. Even in the twenty first Century where human rights activism is like a cup of tea for anyone and everyone as long as you have a bold, loud voice and an active twitter account, you will still be viewed in a peculiar way.

As soon as you walk into that international conference at the registration desk, the first thing the receptionist will do is view you head to toe. They will give you the ‘are you sure you are at the right place?’ look, frowning and perusing through the pages of the names of attendants. You get it. You are a typical mshamba looking Muslim lady. At least that’s how they view you; backward. You are in full black like a crow of doom. You probably remind them of that widow at your village who wore full black for an entire six months after her husband passed away. The woman would wail and weep and grieve hysterically every day at the worship area, the villagers started avoiding prayers entirely. Yeah, you my friend remind them of the Dark Age where women had no say and their only place was the kitchen. You are an ugly dejavu.

You humbly say your name and creases form on their forehead, ‘Ati?! …I can’t find that name here’ they’d say as you patiently wait. She takes forever before your exotic, out-of-this-world name is found.
‘Aha! Here is your name. Sorry for the delay,’ the receptionist murmurs as they struggle to give you a smile and your wrongly written name.

The minute you walk in, you’re invisible. You immediately drown in the crowd. Everyone is talking to somebody. Laughter. Intense conversations. Introductions. No one is interested in knowing who you are. Why you are there or even bothered by it. You just don’t matter. You don’t fit in.

You try to start a conversation with that sweet looking lady next to you and just when she is about to respond, she is pulled aside by another lady who probably thinks what she has to say is more important.
People will actively avoid you, ignore you. Well that is until the conference begins and you get to officially introduce yourself. The look on their faces is priceless when you mention your credentials. The ‘Ohh! I didn’t see that coming’ look. The ‘Wow’ expression on their faces. And you think to yourself, ‘Huh! On your faces!’ Suddenly, they value your opinion. Suddenly, your thoughts matter. Suddenly, you are the one being pulled aside for questions and connections and future deals.

But that is never the end of it. There must be the interrogation session during the tea and lunch breaks. They will always have questions for you. Not about what brought you there. Not about the super-intelligent response you gave. Not about your ideas. Not about your mind-blowing project or pick your very smart brain. Rather, it is about your very amusing choice of dressing. They’d ask why you don’t shake hands with male after they had initially concluded it as an act of racism. They’d ask whether you’re married and have kids because ‘what better do Muslim ladies know other than marriage?!’ They’d ask about how non-Muslim men can successfully marry into your religion and tribe.
They’d ask about your very black buibui and scarf. They’d ask sarcastically if your religion and culture prevents you from wearing heels too since you’re wearing your very comfortable sneakers. Some lady might even be kind enough to give you ‘first impression tips.’

“You are very intelligent I see. You need to come out of your cocoon if you want to grow further and achieve even more.”
“Come on, don’t be like an old mama…your face deserves some spice up…”
“You know, if you want people to take you seriously you need to make some changes here and there with your wardrobe. Like that over-sized, over-spacious buibui that you wear could fit two of you, why don’t you take it to the tailor? Or even better, why don’t you wear a coloured dress, it doesn’t have to be immodest. You can still wear long sleeves and full length wear?”

And of course that is something you can do. You can wear a long modest dress because buibui originates from the
Coastal culture and not exactly religion. You do respect women who wear differently and appreciate them for what they bring to the table. Why then shouldn’t the respect be reciprocated?

You try to explain it to them. That the purpose of hijab is to make a woman be inconspicuous, not in terms of having a voice, not in terms of being educated, not in terms of being empowered or having a job but in terms of physical outlook. In terms of concealing her beauty except for the right individuals. If one’s personal choice to be modest is wear black, why should it bother anyone? Why does the world preach ‘My dress My choice’ and still have double standards about it? Why do we say that ‘No one should tell a woman what to do with her life’ yet still judge the woman who intentionally chooses to make her brain and her behaviour the more important aspect of her life rather than the size and colour of her dressing? But you already know how this will roll. Questions, heated discussions, more questions. The men simply don’t get it and the women feel you are caged. Even after your lengthy explanations, they still won’t change their fixed mind-set of you or your backward choices.

You sigh loudly and have an enigmatic smile on you. You’d expect that stereotyping and discrimination would be less in an international, intercultural, seemingly open-minded audience. Yet, here you are!

You sit calmly, listening to all their suggestions, jokes, and mocks, unaffected. Because you’ve heard it all. You’ve heard the same things over and over and over again, you’re amused at the extents people can go to make you feel small. They will remind you over and over that for you to be a dignified, successful lady there must be compromises to be made. There must be some adjustments. You must spice up your principles so as to fit in.
So here you are, with all these thought-provoking conversations, all these brilliant ideas that will rot in your head because everyone is worried about your choice of dressing, your cooking methods and whether you’re married or not. What a disgrace.

You are now thinking of starting a Black Crow hashtag and movement on twitter with your 237 followers. Your bio will probably read something like, ‘If you don’t value my brain, you don’t deserve my time’ then have that famous little, smug goat meme as your profile picture.
And now you’re ready to roll.

‘I am the Black Crow. Unstereotype Me.’

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