positivity – Strokes of My Pen

Mental Health

5 WAYS TRAVEL ENHANCES POSITIVE GROWTH

By Lubnah Abdulhalim November 5, 2019

This article (edited version) was first published on ‘Travel Log Magazine’ an insert of Standard Newspaper on 5th September, 2019.

Have you ever walked on the streets and seen someone selling very random things like belts or pesticides and thought to yourself, ‘How often do people buy such stuff? How much does this person earn at the end of the day? Is it ever enough? Are they living a miserable life? Are they content?’

Therapists will almost always advise their clients to take a walk as often as possible. This is because there is a lot to contemplate about once you step out of your home. There is so much growth to be experienced in going out, travelling, exploring…there is always a lesson to be learnt.

Here are some wonderful ways in which travel leads to inner growth:

1. Travel is the break you desperately need. Everyone needs a time-out from the normal daily pattern. Sometimes we get too engrossed in the routine, we forget how many parts of ourselves die within us or talents that remain unexplored or magic that will never be unleashed. With traveling, you get to interact with nature, breath in fresh air, watch sunrises and sunsets and take a boat ride across the ocean. It is an opportunity to break from all the city noise, the traffic jams, the toxic air, the fast foods; an opportunity for new experiences. Indeed a monotonous life is not worth being called life.

“I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine.” – Caskie Stinnett

2. It pushes one out of their comfort zone. Now if you’re used to one particular thing in your locality and it is not available at this particular instance, you are left with no choice but to explore the other options you have. It pushes you to talk to strangers, ask for directions, taste food you wouldn’t otherwise taste and maybe even participate in group activities with people who don’t even speak the same language as you do. At this point, you are not at total liberty or in control to have things your way. You come face to face with change. You’d have to make sacrifices and compromises. You’d have to comply and obey rules of Foreign land. As they say, when you go to Rome, you do what the Romans do.

“Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” – Miriam Beard

3. It humbles you. Honestly it does, especially when you go out of your typical scenarios and locality. You meet people with intriguing stories, people who’ve fought hard and survived, people who struggle to make ends meet, people stuck in very heart breaking situations. You meet children hawking, begging you to buy from their nuts or cookies, you meet very old and frail men and women seated in intense heat, trying to earn from their own sweat; people who create their own happiness with the little they have and who are content despite what they lack.

It also gives one a very different perspective on life and people. It is a great reminder for one to be grateful, to appreciate what they have and to remember that always, there is someone going through worse than you do or what your community does.

“I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

4. Exploration enhances your creativity and story-telling abilities. Being around nature, different culture, different people opens up an entire other world for you. You get to learn new things, do new things and experience new, exhilarating, thrilling adventures. You get to hear other people’s stories, you get new ideas and all the moments bring forth to you many possibilities.

“Travelling — it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.” – Ibn Battuta

5. An opportunity for introspection. One can’t possibly know everything about themselves if they stay all their lives stuck at the same place, same situations and with the same people. You know how they say if you want to truly know someone, you have to travel with them? This is why. You get to see their patience being tested, their immediate reactions, their excitement for trivial things, their mood during exhaustion, which foods they prefer or totally hate…Yet sometimes one doesn’t even know these things about themselves. It is not until they are in the situation itself, does one get to know who they truly are and what they feel deep inside. It makes one reflect and question themselves. This is the best chance for one to introspect and evaluate their emotions and behaviour.

“The best journeys in life are those that answer questions you never thought to ask.” ― Rich Ridgeway

Without travelling, without exploring, one doesn’t really get to experience the world in all its beautiful colours. You just get to see it in the shades of black, white and grey only. You don’t get to have life-changing encounters, or embrace humanity or appreciate the little things in life. You don’t get to taste kindness and witness love and light in human form. You don’t get to be amazed by the creations, by our similarities and great differences and how they make this world a more wonderful place. As the Moorish proverb goes, ‘He who does not travel does not know the value of men.’

Do not let financial constraints cage you in limited space. You don’t necessarily have to fly to a location across the continent for you to spread your wings and explore. Even sitting by the ocean some blocks away from your home or exploring your own locality can be therapeutic enough. We all need a breather, a moment to reflect and introspect.

“To travel is to evolve.” – Pierre Bernardo

Mental Health

POSITIVE MENTAL HEALTH AND SPIRITUALITY

By Lubnah Abdulhalim February 28, 2019

Mental health is described by WHO (2001) as: “… a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.”

In Islam however, there is another addition to the definition. Positive mental health is also related to spirituality, piety and submission to the Almighty.

Allah (S.W.) clearly states in the Qur’an, in Surat Taha, verse 124:

“And whoever turns away from My remembrance-indeed, he will have a depressed (i.e. difficult) life, and We will gather (raise) him on the day of Resurrection blind.”

Thus, when we look into positive mental health, we’d say the first indicator of it is by looking at one’s relationship with God. Do you believe? Do you pray? Do you obey? Allah (S.W) promised to test us with different kinds of worldly tragedies, and within these difficult times, many people give up on God and on life and some entirely become atheists. They forget that life is but a test. So long as a human being keeps reminding themselves that the dunya is but a test and stick to the way of Islam, then Allah (S.W) will definitely grant them ease and strength to keep believing.

Utz (2011) states about the tranquil soul in her book ‘Psychology from an Islamic perspective’ and I quote:

“As sincere faith becomes strong in a person’s heart, the proclivity to evil within the soul becomes weak. The soul becomes completely dominated by inclinations towards piety and righteousness. It loves and desires goodness and detests evil deeds, so it rarely (if ever) responds to or complies with the urges to commit evil deeds. This is the level of the tranquil soul.

(To the righteous it will be said: “O reassured soul, return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing to Him. And enter among My righteous servants. And enter My paradise.”)

Goodness dominates, so the soul feels a sense of tranquillity and peace. These souls are obedient to Allah subhanahu wataala and pleased with what He has decreed, relying upon Him alone in all matters. Through this strong connection with the Creator, they calm their desires and passions, and they require little effort to repel evil inclinations. These individuals are in essence fulfilling the purpose of their creation, which is the worship and obedience of Allah. This is a level that is possible to achieve in this life, and it provides the believers with a taste of the joys awaiting them in the hereafter.”

This leads us into another indicator of positive mental health i.e. Acceptance of Allah’s Decree and relying upon Allah alone. One thus knows without a doubt that everything in life has been destined and as much as they can make choices in life, they don’t have total control over what happens. One does their best and prays for the best, believing that Allah (S.W.) will never forsake them. With such mentality, one isn’t unnecessarily overwhelmed, anxious and worried about the future nor are they stuck on the past that is already gone. This reflected in a hadith by Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said:

“One day, I was riding behind the Prophet (ﷺ) when he said, “O boy! I will instruct you in some matters. Be watchful of Allah (Commandments of Allah), He will preserve you. Safeguard His Rights, He will be ever with you. If you beg, beg of Him Alone; and if you need assistance, supplicate to Allah Alone for help. And remember that if all the people gather to benefit you, they will not be able to benefit you except that which Allah had foreordained (for you); and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allah had pre-destined against you. The pens had been lifted and the ink had dried up”. [At- Tirmidhi].

In another hadith, the prophet peace be upon him said, “Amazing is the affair of the believer. This is because there is good for him in every matter and this is not the case with anyone other than the believer. When he is in a state of happiness, he is thankful to Allah, and within that is good for him, and if he is harmed, then he keeps to being patient and thus there is good for him in that.”

This in turn, also makes one resilient such that, whenever a tragedy befalls them, they don’t allow the situation to break them. They adjust to whatever changes that come by and soldier on.

The prophet (p.b.u.h) as our guide, he led us to the path of purification of the soul, self-control and balance. And when one inclines to this path, they feel no distress within themselves. Good mental state can be achieved by avoiding negative attributes like anger, greed, envy and so on.

This means that a person with positive mental health is known to have good virtues such as kindness, forgiveness, compassion and humility which in fact improve one’s quality of life. The prophet (p.b.u.h) said for example that whoever is deprived of kindness then they have been deprived all that is good. And truly, when we think of it, what is the world without kindness?

Gratitude is another important virtue and an indicator as well. When one is thankful, they tend to be more optimistic and more positive towards life, others and even themselves. Studies prove that expressing gratitude improves ones sense of wellbeing and that it makes people be more open, less neurotic and more agreeable. (McCullough et al., 2002)

Apart from that, more positive outcomes have been identified in practicing gratitude as per psychology research. One of the benefits of gratitude is that it can reduce levels of stress. (Krause, 2006) and that it can also decrease the levels of depression and anxiety. (Kashdan & Breen, 2007)

In a study done by Seligman, Steen and Peterson (2005), the participants were given one week to write and deliver in person, a letter of gratitude to someone who had shown special kindness to them that they hadn’t thanked properly. The results showed that participants who took part in the letter-writing reported more happiness for one month after the exercise compared to a control group.

Algoe et al. (2010) asked sixty-seven couples to keep a diary for two weeks and record their own and their partner’s thoughtful actions, the relationship well-being and their emotions. By connecting the data of the couple, they were able to see whether a thoughtful action of the participant was recognized by the partner and whether they acknowledged the action accordingly. They found that a partner’s thoughtful action predicted an increase in feelings of gratitude and indebtedness.

When we thank Allah and others for the good in our life, we avoid focusing on the bad things that happened to us, and thus have a more positive outlook and mental being. Allah (S.W.) says in Surat Ibrahim, verse 7: “If you are grateful, I will surely increase you in favour.”

We can deny it all we want but many research has proved that our spirituality does have an impact on mental health. And more than that, Allah (S.W.) already informed us of that, centuries ago. For us to acquire the peaceful life we desire, we need to embrace the good virtues and follow the prophet (p.b.u.h) for he is the best example and role model.

REFERENCES
1. Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L. & Maisel, N. C. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships.
2. Kashdan, T.B., Breen, W.L. (2007). Materialism and diminished well-being: Experiential avoidance as a mediating mechanism. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology.
3. Krause, N. (2006). Gratitude toward god, stress, and health in late life. Research on Aging.
4. McCullough, M. E., Tsang, J. -A., & Emmons, R. A. (2004). Gratitude in intermediate affective terrain: Links of grateful moods to individual differences and daily emotional experience. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
5. Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. T., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist.
6. Utz, A. (2011). Psychology from the Islamic Perspective. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. International Islamic Publishing House.
7. WHO. (2001). The world health report 2001. Mental health: New understanding. New hope. Geneva, World Health Organization.
8. Qur’an. Retrieved from https://quran.com

Creative Fiction

MR. MONDAY BLUES

By Lubnah Abdulhalim January 30, 2017

If Monday had a low esteem then this is how he would look. But he doesn’t. In fact, he is very self-assured, assertive with several saltbae (I just had to mention him somewhere 😀 ) pinches of an ego.

Mr. Monday always had the ability to get your attention even when after you had sworn upon your own death to NOT even glance at him. He is irresistible. Maybe not the prince-charming kind of irresistible, but the You-can’t-ignore-me kind of irresistible. You can totally close your eyes with the heaviest , darkest blanket yet he would still appear in your nightmares.

Monday is a short, stout man in his mid-thirties. He is brown, a bit plump, with dark hair. He always wore his suits in such a magnificent manner. His attire was so neat, so well-pressed such that a housefly would die just upon his landing on such an attire. His shoes were always extremely polished. They were black, blacker than black because no shade of black was ever going to describe this kind of black. Would make you wonder what is he using? Because hell no, even kiwi is not that black. I mean, you could look at his shoes and see your ugly face reflecting right back. Even the shoes have a prettier look than you do 😀 Monday walked tall always, confidently putting his hands inside his side pockets. If you wear your heart on your sleeve, sweetheart, please meet this man who wears his ego on his sleeve. Despite very well knowing that most people didn’t like him (sometimes for no apparent reason), he would still carry himself with so much aura of awesomeness. So yes, you just. somehow.had to look at him. One way or another. Nonetheless, believe it or not, sometimes Monday was just but a victim of unfortunate coincidences and awful circumstances.

So on this morning, Monday walks up to the stage and meets a crowd of other neat men and women waiting for the bus to arrive. He decides to stands at the far end of the stage, a few steps from a young man drinking his coffee. The young man raises his eyebrows from his coffee cup and looks at Monday. He doesn’t just look, he stares at him as his eyes scrutinize him from head to toe. Monday stares back as his huge bulb eyes narrow as if squinting at the young man. All of a sudden, an old lady bumps into the young man and the good tasty coffee all ends up being swallowed by the plain, sparkling white t-shirt. The young man exclaims with anger. He curses. Then curses again. The old lady tries to apologize but the young man is busy wiping his shirt desperately. He then looks up at Monday with a glare. Giving him that ‘it is your fault’ scowl. Monday shrugs his shoulders and looks away at his watch. He is running late.

The bus finally arrives and everyone quickly rushes in. Monday takes the front seat next to the driver as he watches the young man rush away; probably going back home for a quick change. He adjusts himself in his seat and focuses ahead as the bus takes off. The driver strikes a conversation but it is rather a boring one. Who wants to talk about the weather on the beginning of a fresh week? Monday doesn’t respond to him. The old driver tries once again to bring another topic when a cat suddenly appears on the road. He desperately reaches for the brakes as the bus screeched to a halt. The back passengers start yelling at the old man. “I hit my head!” “Old man you need spectacles now!” “Urgh! can’t we have a peaceful morning?!! Is that too much to ask for?!” The yells keep coming. The old man frowns before apologizing. He glares at Monday and he stares back without a word. He adjusts himself in his seat then drives off.

Monday walks steadily into the office. He doesn’t greet anyone because no one needs his ‘hi’ anyway. Except Positivity. Right when he passes by her desk, she’d always have a kind word to say or a greeting or just a bright smile. So as usual, Positivity enthusiastically extends her hand to greet him.

“Goodmorning Monday! I hope you had a lovely weekend!”

“Oh hey, goodmorning Pos. My weekend was fine. I hope so was yours,” Monday speaks for the first time.

“Oh yeah…I even got to make my favourite home-baked cookies. You wanna taste?”

“Why not?” He smiles as he takes the cookies from her. He then wishes her a good day before disappearing into his compartment.

Human noisily slides her chair to Pos’ desk.

“Ahem ahem…Pos huh?”

“What is it Human?” Pos laughs lightly without moving her eyes away from her computer screen.

“So now your new nickname is Pos huh?! Nice!”

Positivity laughs again.

“What is the issue anyway?”

“I just don’t get it! How on earth are you able to strike a conversation with Monday, make him talk back and even smile! God! How?!!”

“Because I don’t have an attitude like the one you have.”

“But everyone dislikes Monday. Except you.”

“Okay,” Pos turns around her seat and looks at Human, “So tell me, what wrong has Monday done to you?”

“Can’t you seeee it?!!! The guy is always frowning. Full of negative vibes. I don’t even want to look at him, he might just ruin my entire day. Bad omen…”

Pos laughs at Human’s expression and sits back comfortably.

“Okay, let’s do some profiling here. Have a look at Sunday and give me a short profile on her.”

Human laughs loudly as she looks at Sunday who is fast asleep, her head bowed down on her desk.

“Sunday is always tired and sleepy and lazy…but then…she always makes people happy. She is a nice soul.”

“Okay. What about Saturday?”

Human stretches her neck to peep at Saturday who is busy working on something while whistling.

“He is full of enthusiasm and energy. Always.”

“Friday?”

“Oh my good Lord! Friday is the happiest being on this earth!”

“Thursday?”

“He is not in yet…as usual. He doesn’t come to work much or in time but when he is here, he does his best to make it up. And you wouldn’t even have to complain about how good his work is.

“Okay…Wednesday?”

“Wednesday is a hardworking chap. Got no complaints for him.”

“Tuesday?”

“Tuesday is such an ambitious soul. She knows what she wants.”

“Owwkayy! Now Monday?”

“Urgh!! Told you! Monday is just Monday. No more no less. Or wait, there is a bit more 😀 Monday just brings the gloom to the office. Pos, just look at him! Look at his tight lips that almost never form a smile! He reminds of Trump you know. Gloomy; gloomy miserable chap. Or maybe I shouldn’t compare him with Trump, that would be extreme 😀 But then he.just.doesn’t.give a good feeling.”

“Well, he smiles at me!”

“Ah isn’t that a miracle already? But you are an open-minded soul; a kind one so maybe…or it could just be because of your delicious cookies that you keep bribing him with!”

They both start laughing.

“We both know it has nothing to do with cookies. He has his good side too. You just need to stop focusing too hard at his ugly side. Yes he has issues; maybe too rigid and angry, but maybe he’s got something that makes him this way, something from the past or present, something that makes his plate full always? We can’t ever know. Remember how long it took before he could ever say hi back to me. Yes he isn’t such a charming soul but we all have our off ugly sides too. He probably just needs more friends and he’ll change. If you could find something nice to say about everyone then you can never miss a nice thing to say about him too.”

“Owkaaaayyy Mrs. Mondaaayyy, I’ll think about it maybe! I said maybeeee,” she says as she laughs again; sliding her way back to her desk.

Positivity shakes her head with a sigh, “Attitude. Attitude everywhere.”