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You may read part 4 at: https://lubnah.me.ke/100-hadiths-on-women-part-4/

E. MARRIAGE         كتاب النكاح  

1.Teasing co-wife with falsehood

Narrated Asma: Some lady said, “O Allah’s Messenger My husband has another wife, so it is sinful of me to claim that he has given me what he has not given me (in order to tease her)?” Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) said, The one who pretends that he has been given what he has not been given, is just like the (false) one who wears two garments of falsehood.” 

عَنْ أسْمَاَء، عَنِ النبِيِ  صلى الله عليه وسلم. حدَثنِي محَمَُّد بنُ اْلمُثنى، حََّدَثنا يحْيى، عنْ هِشا مٍ، حََّدَثتنِي فَاطِمَُة، عَنْ أسْمَاَء، أن اْمرَأة، قاَلتْ يا رَسوَل اَّلِلّ إَِّن لي ضَرًَّة، فهلْ عََلىَّ جُناحٌ إِْن تشَبَّعْتُ مِنْ زَوْجِي غَيرَ اَّلِذي يعْطِينِي فقاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ” اْلمُتَشَبِ عُ بِمَا  لمْ يعْطَ كلَابِسِ ثوَْبىْ زُورٍ “. Sahih al-Bukhari 5219 

 2. A woman whose husband is absent 

Fadala ibn ‘Ubayd reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Do not ask about three: a man who parts company with the community, rebels the ruler and dies while he is a still a rebel. Do not ask about him. Or a slave or slavegirl who runs away from his master. Or a woman whose husband is absent and who has sufficient provision and then displays her adornments to strangers and mixes freely. Do not ask about three: a man who contends with Allah regarding His cloak. His cloak is pride and His wrapper is His might. Also a man who doubts the command of Allah. and someone who despairs of Allah’s mercy.” 

 عَنْ فضَاَلَة بنِ عُبيد، عَنِ النبِيِ  صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَ ل: ثلَاَثٌة لَا يسْأل عَنه مْ: رَجُلٌ فَارَقَ اْلجمَاعََة وَعَصَى إَِماَمُه فمَاتَ عَاصِيا، فلَا تسْأل عنُْه، وَأََمٌة أَوْ عَبد أَبِقَ مِنْ سَي دهِ، وَاْمر أة غَابَ زَوْجها، وَكفاَها مؤُوَنة الُّدْنيا فتبرَّجَتْ وََتمَرَّجَتْ بعَْدُ ه. وََثلَاَثٌة لَا يسأَُل عَنه مْ: رَجُلٌ نازَعَ اَّلَلّ رَِداَءُه، فإَّن رَِداَءُه اْلكِبْرَِياُء، وَإزَارَُه عِزَُّه، وَرَجُلٌ شَكَّ فِي أمرِ الِله، وَالقُنُوطُ مِنْ رَحمَةِ  الِله. Grade : Sahih (Al-Albani)  

3. A man (even male in-laws) should not stay with a woman in seclusion 

Narrated `Uqba bin ‘Amir: Allah’s Messenger said, “Beware of entering upon the ladies.” A man from the Ansar said, “Allah’s Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?” The Prophetreplied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself.  

 عَنْ عُقبة بنِ عَامِرٍ، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل ” إَِّياكُ مْ وَالُّدخُوَل عََلى النِ ساِء “. فقَاَل رَجُلٌ مِنَ الَأْنصَارِ يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ أفَرَأيتَ اْلحمْ وَ. قاَل ” اْلحَموُ اْلمَوْتُ “. Sahih al-Bukhari 5232

  4. Describing another woman to her husband 

Narrated `Abdullah bin Mas`ud: The Prophet(ﷺ) said, “A woman should not look at or touch another woman to describe her to her husband in such a way as if he was actually looking at her.”  

 عَنْ عَبد اَّلِلّ بنِ مسْعُوٍد ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَاَل قَاَل النبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ” لَا تبَاشِرِ اْلمَرْأَُة اْلمَرْأة فتنعَتها لزَوْجها، كأنُه ينْظرُ إَِليَْها “. Sahih al-Bukhari 5240 

 5. Proposing to a decent man 

Narrated Thabit: that he heard Anas saying, “A woman came to the Prophet(ﷺ) offering herself to him in marriage, saying, “Have you got any interest in me (i.e. would you like to marry me?)” Anas’s daughter said, “How shameless that woman was!” On that Anas said, “She is better than you, for she presented herself to Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) ( for marriage). 

 حََّدَثنا مسََّدٌد، حََّدَثنا مرْحُومٌ، سَمِعْتُ ثابِتًا، أََّنه سَمِعَ أََنسًا ـ رضى الله عنه ـ يقوُل جَاَءتِ اْمرَأة إَِلى النبِيِ  صلى الله عليه وسلم تعْرِضُ عََليهِ نفسها فقاَلتْ هلْ لكَ حَاجٌَة فِيَّ فقاَلتِ اْبنته ما أقلَّ حيَاَءَها. فقاَل هِيَ خَيْرٌ مِنكِ، عَرَضَتْ عََلى رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم نفسََها. Sahih al-Bukhari 6123  

6.   Choice in marriage 

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: A virgin came to the Prophet(ﷺ) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet(ﷺ) allowed her to exercise her choice.   

عَنِ اْبنِ عَباسٍ، أن جَارَِيًة، بِكرًا أتتِ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فذكرَتْ أن أباَها زَوَّجها وَهِيَ كارَِهٌة فَخيرََها النبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم . Sahih (Al-Albani)  

7. Asking for divorce without a good reason 

Narrated Thawban: The Prophet(ﷺ) said: If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, the odour of Paradise will be forbidden to her.   

عَنْ ثوَْباَن، قاَل قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ” أيمَا اْمرَأةٍ سَألتْ زَوْجََها طلَاقًا فِي غيْرِ ما بأْسٍ  فحَرَامٌ عليَْها رَائِحة اْلجَنةِ  ” .Sahih (Al-Albani) SunanAbiDawud 2226 

8. Woman taking care of in-laws 

Narrated Jabir bin `Abdullah: My father died and left seven or nine girls and I married a matron. Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) said to me, “O Jabir! Have you married?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “A virgin or a matron?” I replied, “A matron.” he said, “Why not a virgin, so that you might play with her and she with you, and you might amuse her and she amuse you.” I said, ” `Abdullah (my father) died and left girls, and I dislike to marry a girl like them, so I married a lady (matron) so that she may look after them.” On that he said, “May Allah bless you,” or “That is good.”   

عَنْ جَابِرِ بنِ عَبد اَّلِلّ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ قاَل هَلكَ أَبِي وََترَكَ سَبعَ بناتٍ أوْ تِسْعَ بنَاتٍ ف تَزَوَّجتُ اْمرَأًَة ثيِ با فقاَل لي رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ” تزَوَّجْتَ يا جَابِرُ “. فقلتُ نعَ مْ. فقاَل ” بِكْرًا أَمْ ثيِ با “. قُْلتُ بلْ ثي با. قاَل ” فهلَّا جَارَِيًة تلَاعِبَُها وَُتلاعِبكَ،  وَُتضَاحكها وَُتضَاحككَ “. قاَل فقُْلتُ لُه إَِّن عبَْد اَّلِلّ هَلكَ وََترَكَ بناتٍ، وَإِ نِي كرِْهتُ أن أجِيئَُهنَّ بِمِثْلِهِنَّ، فَتزَوَّجْتُ اْمرَأة تقومُ عََليهِنَّ وَُتصْلِحُُهنَّ . فقَاَل ” بارَكَ اَّلُلّ لكَ “.  أَوْ قاَل خَيرًا. Sahih al-Bukhari 5367  

9. If a man does not provide for his family

Narrated `Aisha: Hind (bint `Utba) said to the Prophet(ﷺ) ” Abu Sufyan is a miserly man and I need to take some money of his wealth.” The Prophet(ﷺ) said, “Take reasonably what is sufficient for you and your children ”  

، عَنْ عَائِشََة ـ رضى الله عنها ـ أن هِنَْد، قاَلتْ للنبِيِ  صلى الله عليه وسلم إَِّن أبا سُفيَاَن رَجلٌ شحِيحٌ، فَأَحْتاجُ أَْن آخَُذ مِنْ ماِلهِ . قاَل  ” خُِذي ما يكْفِيكِ  ووََلدكِ بِاْلمَعْرُوفِ “. Sahih al-Bukhari 7180  

10. Asking permission for marriage

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas that the Messenger of Allah said: “A previously married woman has more right to decide about herself (with regard to marriage) than her guardian, and a virgin should be asked for permission with regard to marriage, and her permission is her silence.” 

 عَنِ اْبنِ عَباسٍ، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل  ” الَأ يِمُ أحَقُّ بِنفسَِها مِنْ وَِلي ها وَاْلبِكْرُ تسْتَأْذ ن فِي نفسَِها وَإِذُْنَها صُمَاُتَها ” .  Sahih (Darussalam)   Sunan an-Nasa’i 3260  

11. Taking good care of daughters 

Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported:  The Messenger of Allah said, “He who is involved (in the responsibility) of (bringing up) daughters, and he is benevolent towards them, they would become protection for him against Hell-fire”.

 “من ابتلي من هذه البنات بشيء فأحسن إليهن كن له سترًا من النار” ))متفق عليه((. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].  

12. Voicing injustice on women when against the teachings of Islam. 

It was narrated from Ibn Buraidah that: his father said: “A girl came to the Prophet and said: ‘My father married me to his brother’s son so that he might raise his status thereby.’ The Prophet gave her the choice, and she said: ‘I approve of what my father did, but I wanted women to know that their fathers have no right to do that.’ ”  

 عَنِ اْبنِ برَْيَدَة، عَنْ أبِيهِ، قاَل جاَءتْ فتَاٌة إلى النَّبِيِ  ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ فقاَلتْ إَِّن أَبِي زَوَّجَنِي اْبنَ أخيهِ ليرْفعَ بِي خَسِيسَته . قاَل فَجعَلَ الَأْمرَ إَِليها . فَقاَلتْ قد أجَزْتُ ما صَنَعَ أبِي وََلكِنْ أَرَْدتُ أَْن تعلمَ النِ سَاُء أن ليسَ إَِلى الآَباِء مِنَ الَأْمرِ شىء . Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan Ibn Majah 1874  

13. The working of a lady in her husband’s house 

Narrated `Ali: Fatima went to the Prophet (ﷺ)complaining about the bad effect of the stone hand-mill on her hand. She heard that the Prophet (ﷺ)had received a few slave girls. But (when she came there) she did not find him, so she mentioned her problem to `Aisha. When the Prophet (ﷺ))came, `Aisha informed him about that. `Ali added, “So the Prophet ( )ﷺcame to us when we had gone to bed. We wanted to get up (on his arrival) but he said, ‘Stay where you are.” Then he came and sat between me and her and I felt the coldness of his feet on my `Abdomen. He said, “Shall I direct you to something better than what you have requested? When you go to bed say ‘Subhan Allah’ thirtythree times, ‘Al hamduli l-lah’ thirty three times, and Allahu Akbar’ thirty four times, for that is better for you than a servant.” 

 حََّدَثنا عَلِيٌّ، أن فاطِمة ـ عََليهِمَا السلَامُ ـ أََتتِ النبيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم تشْكو إليهِ ما تْلقى فِي يدَها مِنَ الرَّحَى، وََبَلغََها أنُه جَاَءه رَقِيقٌ فلمْ تصاِدفه، فََذكرتْ ذَِلكَ لعَائِشََة، فلمَّا جَاَء أخْبرَْتُه عائِشَُة ـ قَ اَل ـ فَجَاَءَنا وَقد أخَْذنا مضَاجعَنا، فََذهبْنَا نقومُ فَقَاَل ” عََلى مكانِكمَا “. فجَاَء فقَعََد بيْنِي وََبيْنََها حتى وَجدتُ برد قدَميهِ عََلى بطْني فقَاَل ” ألَا أدُّلكُما عََلى خيرٍ مِمَّا سَألتمَا، إِ ذَا أخَْذتما مضَاجِعَكُمَا ـ أوْ أَوَْيتما إَِلى فِرَاشِكمَا ـ فسَبِ حَا ثلَاًثا وََثلَاثِينَ، وَاحمََدا ثلاثا وََثلَاثِينَ، وَكبِ رَا أرَْبعًا وثلَاثِينَ، فهوَ خيْرٌ لكما منْ خَاِدمٍ “.  Sahih al-Bukhari 5361  

14. Supporting your dependants. 

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)said, “The best alms is that which you give when you are rich, and you should start first to support your dependants.”  

عَن أبِي هرَْيرََة،أ  ن رَسُول اَّ للّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل   ” خَيرُال صََّدق ةِ ماكان عَن ظَْهرِ  غِنًى، وَاْبَدأْ  بِمن تعُوُ ل  .”Sahih al-Bukhari 5356  

15. To provide one’s family with food sufficient  in advance

Narrated `Umar: The Prophet (ﷺ)used to sell the dates of the garden of Bani An-Nadir and store for his family so much food as would cover their needs for a whole year.  

عَنْ عُمَرَـ رض ىالله عنه ـ أ ن النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم كَاَن يبِيعُ نخْلَ بنِي النضِيرِ،وََيحبِسُ لَأْهلِهِ قُوتَ سَنتِهِمْ . Sahih al-Bukhari 5357 

16. Lying about the father of your child  

“Then the Verse of Li’an was revealed, the Messenger of Allah ()ﷺ   said: ‘Any woman who attributed her child to people to whom he does not belong, then she has no relation to (the religion of) Allah, and she will never enter Paradise, and any man who rejects his child, while he recognizes him, Allah will screen Himself from him on the Day of Resurrection and disgrace him before the witnesses.’”  

 عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل لمَّا نزََلتْ آَيُة ال لِ عَانِ قَاَل رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ” أَُّيمَا اْمرَأَةٍ أَْلحَقَتْ بِقَوْمٍ منْ ليسَ مِنهمْ فليسَتْ مِنَ اَّلِلّ فِي شىٍْء وََلنْ يْدخَِلها جَنته وَأيمَا رَجُلٍ أنكرَ وََلَدُه وَقَْد عرَفه احْتجَبَ اَّلُلّ مِنه  يوْمَ اْلقِياَمةِ وَفضحه على رُُءوسِ الَأشَْهاِد ” . Grade: Hasan (Darussalam)  

17. Regarding dowry

It was narrated that: Abu Ajfa As-Sulami said: “Umar bin Khattab said: ‘Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honor and dignity in this world or a sign of Taqwa before Allah, then Muhammad ()ﷺ   would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives and none of his daughters were given more than twelve uqiyyah. A man may increase dowry until he feels resentment against her and says: “You cost me everything I own,” or, “You caused me a great deal of hardship.”’” (Hassan) – uqiyyah is 40 dirham, total 480 dirham 

 عَنْ أبِي اْلعَجْفاِء السَُّلمِيِ ، قاَل قَاَل عمَرُ بنُ اْلخَطَّابِ لَا تغَاُلوا صََداقَ النِ سَاِء فإَّنَها لوْ كاَنتْ مكْرَُمة فِي الُّدْنيا أوْ تقوًى عِند اَّلِلّ كَاَن أوْلَاكُمْ وَأحقكُمْ بَِها محَمٌَّد ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ ما أَصدقَ اْمرَأًَة مِنْ نِسَائِهِ وَلَا أصِْدقَتِ اْمرَأة مِنْ بنَاتِهِ أكْثَرَ مِنِ اْثنتىْ عَشْرََة أوقِية وَإَِّن الرَّجُلَ ليثقِ لُ صدقة اْمرَأَتِهِ حَتى يكُوَن لَها عََداوٌَة فِي نفسِهِ وََيقُوُل قد كَلِفتُ إَِليكِ عََلقَ اْلقِرَْبةِ أوْ عَرَقَ اْلقِرَْبةِ . وَكنْتُ رَجلًا عرَبِيًّا موََّلدا ما أدرِي ما عََلقُ اْلقِرَْبةِ أوْ عَرَقُ اْلقِرَْبةِ . Grade: Sahih (Darussalam)  

18.   Causing another woman’s divorce

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger ()ﷺ   forbade the selling of things by a town dweller on behalf of a desert dweller; and similarly Najsh was forbidden. And one should not urge somebody to return the goods to the seller so as to sell him his own goods; nor should one demand the hand of a girl who has already been engaged to someone else; and a woman should not try to cause some other woman to be divorced in order to take her place. Sahih al-Bukhari 2140  

عَنْ أَبِي هرَْيرََة ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قاَل نَهى رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أ ن يبِيعَ حَاضِرٌ لبَاٍد، وَلَا تنَاجَشُوا، وَلَا يبِيعُ الرَّجُلُ عََلى بيْعِ أَخِيهِ وَلَا يخْطُبُ عََلى خطْبةِ أخيهِ، وَلَا تسْأل اْلمَرْأَُة طلَاقَ أختَِها لتكفَأَ ما فِي إَِنائَِها

19.   Woman, a guardian of the house and children

Narrated `Abdullah: Allah’s Messenger ()ﷺ   said, “Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and is responsible for them, a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them; a slave (‘Abu ) is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges.” Sahih al-Bukhari 2554 

 عَنْ عَبد اَّلِلّ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أن رَسوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قاَل   كلكُمْ رَاعٍ فمَسْئوٌل عنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، فالأمِيرُ اَّلذي عََلى الناسِ رَاعٍ وَْهوَ مسْئوٌل عنُْهمْ، وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عََلى أهلِ بيتِهِ وَْهوَ  مسْئُوٌل عَنهمْ، وَاْلمَرْأَُة رَاعِية عََلى بيتِ بعْلَِها وَوََلِدهِ وَْهىَ مسْئُوَلٌة عنُْهمْ، وَاْلعَبد رَاعٍ عََلى مالِ سَي دهِ وَْهوَ مسْئوٌل عَنُْه، ألَا فكُُّلكمْ رَاعٍ وَكُُّلكمْ مسْئوٌل عَنْ رَعِيتِهِ .   

20. Being in eddah 

It was narrated that Umm ‘Atiyyah said: “The Messenger of Allah said: ‘No woman should mourn for anyone who dies for more than three days, except for a husband, for whom she should mourn for four months and ten days. She should not wear garments that are dyed or patterned, or put on kohl or comb her hair, and she should not put on any perfume except when purifying herself after her period, when she may use a little of Qust or Azfar.'” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3534 

عَنْ أمِ  عَطِية، قاَلتْ قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم : لَا تحد اْمرَأة عََلى مي تٍ فوْقَ ثلَاثٍ إِلَّا على زَوْجٍ فَِإَّنَها تحد عََليهِ أرَْبعََة أشُْهرٍ وَعشرًا وَلَا تْلبَسُ ثوًْبا مصْبوغًا وَلَا ثوْبَ عَصْبٍ وَلَا تكتحلُ وَلَا تمْتَشِطُ وَلَا تمسُّ طِيبا إِلَّا عِند طُْه رَِها حينَ تطُْهرُ نبًَذا مِنْ قُسطٍ وَأَظْفَارٍ   .   

21. Prohibition of Mut’ah (Temporary marriage) 

Sabra al-Juhani reported on the authority of his father that while he was with Allah’s Messenger ()ﷺ   he said: O people, I had permitted you to contract temporary marriage with women, but Allah has forbidden it (now) until the Day of Resurrection. So he who has any (woman with this type of marriage contract) he should let her off, and do not take back anything you have given to them (as dower).   Sahih Muslim 1406 d

حََّدَثنِي الرَّبِيعُ بنُ سَبرََة اْلجَُهنِيُّ، أََّن أََباُه، حََّدَثه أََّنُه، كاَن معَ رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقاَل  يا أَُّيَها الناسُ إِ نِي قد كنتُ أذْنتُ لكُمْ فِي الِاستِمتاعِ مِنَ النِ سَاِء وَإَِّن اَّلَلّ قد ح رَّمَ ذَِلكَ إَِلى يوْمِ اْلقِيَاَمةِ فَمنْ كَاَن عِندُه مِنهنَّ شَىء فليخَلِ  سَبِيَله وَلَا تأخذوا مِما آَتيتمُوُهنَّ شَيْئا”  .   

22. Consultation and permission before marriage 

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger ()ﷺ   as having said: A woman without a husband (or divorced or a widow) must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married until her permission is sought. They asked the Prophet of Allah ()ﷺ  : How her (virgin’s) consent can be solicited? He (the Holy Prophet) said: That she keeps silence. Sahih Muslim 1419 a  

حََّدثنا أبو هرَْيرََة، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل  لَا تنكحُ الَأ يِمُ حَتى تسْتأمرَ وَلَا تنْكَحُ اْلبِكرُ حَتَّى تسْتأذََ ن ” . قَاُلوا يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ وَكَيْفَ إِذُْنَها قَاَل ” أَْن تسْكتَ ” 

 23. Permission to do your day to day activities while on eddah

Jabir b. ‘Abdullah (Allah be pleased with them) reported: My maternal aunt was divorced, and she intended to pluck her dates. A person scolded her for having come out (during the period of ‘Idda). She came to Allah’s Prophet ( .)ﷺand he said: Certainly you can pluck (dates) from your palm trees, for perhaps you may give charity or do an act of kindness. Sahih Muslim 1483  

جَابِرَ بنَ عَبد اَّلِلّ، يقوُل طُ لِقتْ خَاَلتِي فَأَرَاَدتْ أَْن تجَُّد نخَْلَها فزَجَرََها رَجُلٌ أن تخْرُجَ فَأََتتِ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقاَل  بَلى فجُ دي نخَْلكِ فإَّنكِ عسى أَْن تصََّدقِي أوْ تفعَلِي معْرُوفا ”  

24. Observing eddah  

Umm ‘Atiyya (‘Allah be pleased with her) said: We were forbidden to observe mourning for the dead beyond three days except in the case of husband (where it is permissible) for four months and ten days, and (that during this period) we should neither use collyrium nor touch perfume, nor wear dyed clothes, but concession was given to a woman when one of us was purified of our courses to make use of a little incense or scent. Sahih Muslim 938 e 

 عَنْ أمِ  عَطِيََّة، قاَلتْ كنا ننهى أَْن نحَِّد على ميِ تٍ فَوْقَ ثلَاثٍ إِلَّا عََلى زَوْجٍ أرَْب عََة أشُْهرٍ وَعشرًا وَلَا نكْتَحلُ وَلَا نتَطَيبُ وَلَا نْلبسُ ثوًْبا مصْبوغًا وَقَْد رُخِ صَ لْلمَرْأَةِ فِي طُْهرَِها إِذَا اغْتسََلتْ إِحَْداَنا مِنْ محِيضَِها فِي نبذةٍ مِنْ قُسطٍ وَأظْفارٍ .   

25. Being married is better than being divorced

It was narrated that ‘Aishah said: “This Verse ‘And making peace is better.’ Was revealed concerning a man who had been married to a woman for a long time, and she had given birth to his children and he wanted to exchange her (for a new wife). She agreed that he would stay with her (the new wife) and would not give her (the first wife) a share of his time. (i.e.) not spend the nights with her).” Sahih (Darussalam) Arabic : Book 9, Hadith 2050 Sunan Ibn Majah 

عَنْ عَائِشََة، . أنَها قاَل تْ نزََلتْ هذهِ الآَيُة   }وَالصُّْلحُ خَيْرٌ{ فِي رَجُلٍ كاَنتْ تحْته اْمرَأٌَة قد طاَلتْ صحْبتها وَولَدتْ مِنه أوْلَاًدا فأرَاَد أن يستَبِْدَل بَِها فرَاضَته عََلى أن تقِيمَ عِندُه وَلَا يقسِمَ لَها .  

26.   Waking up your spouse for prayer  

It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: “The Messenger of Allah ()ﷺ   said: ‘May Allah (SWT) have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes his wife and she prays, and if she refuses he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah (SWT) have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, then she wakes her husband and prays, and if he refuses she sprinkles water in his face.’” Hasan Sunan an-Nasa’i 1610  

عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قاَ ل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم : رَحِمَ اَّلُلّ رَجُلًا قامَ مِنَ الَّليلِ فَصلى ثمَّ أَْيقَظَ اْمرَأََتُه فَصََّلتْ فإْن أبتْ نضَحَ فِي وَجْهَِها اْلمَاَء وَرَحِمَ اَّلُلّ اْمرَأًَة قَاَمتْ مِنَ الَّليلِ فصََّلتْ ثمَّ أيقظَتْ زَوْ جََها فصلى فَِإن أََبى نضَحَتْ فِي وَجْهِهِ اْلمَاَء ”  

27. Permission to look at a woman while proposing 

It was narrated that Al-Mughirah bin Shu’bah said: “I proposed marriage to a woman during the time of the Messenger of Allah, and the Prophet said: ‘Have you seen her?’ I said: ‘No.’ He said: ‘Look at her, for that is more likely to create love between you.’” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3235 

عَنِ اْلمُغِيرَةِ بنِ شُعْبة، قاَل خَطَبْتُ اْمرَأًَة على عَْهِد رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقَاَل النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  أنظَرْتَ إَِليها ” . قلتُ لَا . قاَل ” فَاْنظُرْ إَِليها فإَّنُه أجَْدرُ أن يؤَْدمَ بيْنَكُمَا ” .  

28. A disbeliever should not marry Muslim

It was narrated that Anas said: “Abu Talhah proposed marriage to Umm Sulaim and she said: ‘By Allah, a man like you is not to be rejected, O Abu Talhah, but you are a disbeliever and I am a Muslim, and it is not permissible for me to marry you. If you become Muslim, that will be my dowry, and I will not ask you for anything else.’ So he became Muslim and that was her dowry.” (one of the narrators) Thabit said: “I have never heard of a woman whose dowry was more precious than Umm Sulaim (whose dowry was) Islam. And he consummated the marriage with her, and she bore him a child.” Hasan (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3341   

عَنْ أنسٍ، قاَل خَطَبَ أبو طَْلحََة أمَّ سليْمٍ فقاَلتْ وَاَّلِلّ ما مِثُْلكَ يا أبا طَْلحََة يرَُّد وََلكِنكَ رَجلٌ كَافِرٌ وَأََنا اْمرَأة مسْلِمٌَة وَلَا يحلُّ لي أن أتزَوَّجكَ فَِإْن تسْلِمْ فََذاكَ مهرِي وََما أسْألكَ غَيرَُه . فأسَْلمَ فَكَاَن ذَِلكَ مْهرََها – قَاَل ثابِتٌ فمَا سَمِعْ تُ بِاْمرَأةٍ قطُّ كاَنتْ أكْرَمَ مْهرًا مِنْ أُمِ  سَُليمٍ الإسْلَامَ – فََدخَلَ بَِها فوََلَدتْ لُه .  

29.   Husband dying before consummating the marriage  

It was narrated from ‘Abdullah that a woman was brought to him who had married a man then he had died without naming any dowry for her and without consummating the marriage with her. They kept coming to him for nearly a month, and he did not issue any ruling to them. Then he said: “I think that she should have a dowry like that of her peers no less, with no injustice and she may inherit from him and she has to observe the ‘Iddah.” Ma’qil bin Sinan Al-Ashja’i testified: “The Messenger of Allah passed a similar judgment concerning Birwa’ bint Washiq.” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3355 

 عَنْ عَبد اَّلِلّ، أََّنُه أتِيَ فِي اْمرَأَةٍ تزَوَّجها رَجلٌ فَماتَ عَنَْها وََلمْ يفرِضْ لَها صََداقا وََلمْ يْدخلْ بَِها فَاخْتلفُوا إَِليْهِ قرِيبا مِنْ شَْهرٍ لَا يفتِيهِمْ ثمَّ قاَل أَرَى لها صََداقَ نِسَائَِها لَا وَكسَ وَلَا  شطَطَ وََلَها اْلمِيرَاثُ وَعََليها اْلعَِّدُة . فشَهَِد معْقِلُ بنُ سِنانٍ الَأشجعِيُّ أََّن رَسوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قضَى فِي بِرْوَعَ بِنْتِ وَاشِقٍ بِمِثلِ ما قَضَيتَ  .  

30.   Provision for wife before the final divorce

Fatimah bint Qais said: “I came to the Prophet and said: ‘I am the daughter of Ali Khalid and my husband, so and so, sent word to me divorcing me. I asked his family for provision and shelter but they refused.’ They said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, he sent word to her divorcing her thrice.’” She said: “The Messenger of Allah said: ‘The woman is still entitled to provision and shelter if the husband can still take her back.’” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3403   

حََّدثتنِي فاطِمَُة بِنتُ قيسٍ، قاَلتْ أتيْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقلتُ أنا بِنتُ آلِ خاِلٍد وَإَِّن زَوْجي فُلانا أَرْسَلَ إَِلىَّ بِطَلَاقِي وَإِ نِي سَألتُ أَْهله النَّفقة وَالسُّكنى فَأََبوْا عََلىَّ . قاُلوا يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ إَِّنُه قد أَرْسَلَ إَِليها بِث لَاثِ تطْلِيقَاتٍ . قاَلتْ فقاَل رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  :”إَِّنمَا النفقة وَالسكْنَى لْلمَرْأَةِ إذا كَاَن لزَوْجها عََليها الرَّجْعَُة ”  

31.   Regarding child custody 

It was narrated that Abu Maimunah said: “While I was with Abu Hurairah he said: ‘A woman came to the Messenger of Allah and said: May my father and mother be ransomed for you! My husband wants to take my son away, but he helps me, and brings me water from the well of Abu ‘Inabah. Her husband came and said: Who is going to take my son from me? The Messenger of Allah said: “O boy, this is your father and this is your mother; take the hand of whichever of them you want.” He took his mother’s hand and she left with him.’” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3496  

عَنْ  أبِي ميمُوَنَة، قاَل بينا أنا عِنَْد أَبِي هرَْيرََة، فَقَاَل إَِّن اْمرَأة جَاَءتْ رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَاَلتْ فداكَ أبِي وَأ مِي إَِّن زَوْجي يرِيُد أن يْذهبَ بِاْبنِي وَقد نفعَنِي وَسَقانِي مِنْ بِئْرِ أَبِي عِنَبََة . فَجَاَء زَوْجَُها وَقاَل منْ يخَاصِمُنِي فِي اْبنِي فقَاَل  يا غُلامُ هَذا أبوكَ وََهذهِ أمكَ فخُْذ بِيد أَ يِهِمَا شِئْتَ ” فَأَخََذ بِيَِد أ مِهِ فَاْنطََلقتْ بِه  

32.   Wife giving birth few days after the husband’s death

Abu Salamah bin ‘Abdur-Rahman said: “It was said to Ibn ‘Abbas concerning a woman who gives birth one day after her husband died: ‘Can she get married?’ He said: ‘No, not until the longer of the two periods has ended.’ He said: ‘Allah says: And for those who are pregnant (whether they are divorced or their husbands are dead), their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is until they lay down their burden.’ He said: ‘That only applies in the case of divorce.’ Abu Hurairah said: ‘I agree with my brother’s son’ –meaning, Abu Salamah. He sent his slave Kuraib and told him: ‘Go to Umm Salamah and ask her: Was this the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah?’ He came back and said: ‘Yes, Subai’ah Al-Aslamiyyah gave birth twenty days after her husband died, and the Messenger of Allah told her to get married, and Abu As-Sanabil was one of those who proposed marriage to her.’” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3511   

قِيلَ لِاْبنِ عَباسٍ فِي اْمرَأةٍ وَضَعَتْ بعَْد وَفَاةِ زَوْجها بِعِشْرِينَ ليلة أيصُْلحُ لَها أن ت زوَّجَ قَاَل لَا إِلَّا آخرَ الَأجََلينِ . قاَل قلتُ قاَل اَّلُلّ تبارَكَ وََتعَاَلى } وَأُولاتُ الَأحْمَالِ أجَُلهنَّ أن يضَعْنَ حَمَْلهنَّ { فقَاَل إَِّنمَا ذلكَ فِي الطَّلَاقِ . فقاَل أبو هرَْيرََة أنا معَ اْبنِ أَخِي . يعْنِي أََبا سََلمََة . فأرْسَلَ غُلَاَمُه كرَْيبًا فقاَل اْئتِ أُمَّ سََلمة فَسَْلَها هلْ كاَن هذا سُنة مِنْ رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فجَاَء فقاَل قاَلتْ نعَمْ سُبيْعَُة الَأسلمِيَُّة وَضَعَتْ بعَْد وَفاةِ زَوْجها بِعِشْرِينَ ليلة فَأََمرََها رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أن تزَوَّجَ فكاَن أبو السنَابِلِ فِيمنْ يخْطُبها  

33. Inciting a woman against her husband

Narrated Abu Hurayrah: The Prophet ()ﷺ   said: Anyone who incites a woman against her husband or a slave against his master is not one of us. Sahih (Al-Albani) Sunan Abi Dawud 2175  

 عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قاَل  رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم  ليْسَ مِنا منْ خَببَ اْمرَأة عََلى زَوْجَِها أَوْ عبًْدا عََلى سيِِ دهِ ”  

34. Child custody before the mother gets married again 

Amr b. Shu’aib on his father’s authority said that his grandfather (Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-‘As) reported: A woman said: Messenger of Allah, my womb is a vessel to this son of mine, my breasts, a waterskin for him, and my lap a guard for him, yet his father has divorced me, and wants to take him away from me. The Messenger of Allah ()ﷺ   said: You have more right to him as long as you do not marry. Hasan (Al-Albani) Sunan Abi Dawud 2276  

 أََّن اْمرَأة، قاَلتْ يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ إَِّن اْبنِي هذا كَاَن بطْنِي لُه وِعَاًء وََثْديِي لُه سِقاًء وَحِجرِي لُه حِوَاًء وَإن أََباُه طََّلقنِي وَأرَاَد أن ينتزِعَُه مِنِ ي فقَاَل لَها رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم : أنتِ أَحقُّ بِهِ ما لمْ تنكِحي ”  

35.   Marrying without the permission of her Walii

Aishah narrated that: The Messenger of Allah said: “Whichever woman married without the permission of her Wali her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If he entered into her, then the Mahr is for her in lieu of what he enjoyed from her private part. If they disagree, then the Sultan is the Wali for one who has no Wali.” Hasan (Darussalam) Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1102   

عَنْ عَائِشََة، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قاَل  أَُّيمَا اْمرَأةٍ نكِحَتْ بِغَيرِ إِذْنِ وَِليَِ ها فنِكَاحها باطِلٌ فَنكَاحَُها باطِلٌ فنِكاحَُها باطِلٌ فَِإْن دخَلَ بَِها فََلَها اْلمَْهرُ بِمَا اسْتحَلَّ مِنْ فرْجها فإنِ اشتَجرُوا فَالسُّْلطَاُن وَِليُّ منْ لَا وَِليَّ لُه ”      

36.  Rights of a woman over her husband 

It was narrated from Hakim bin Muawiyah, from his father, that: A man asked the Prophet ()ﷺ  “What are the right of the woman over her husband?” He said: “That he should feed her as he feeds himself and clothe her as he clothes himself; he should not strike her on the face nor disfigure her, and he should not abandon her except in the house (as a form of discipline).”  (Hassan) Arabic : Book 9, Hadith 1923 Sunan Ibn Majah  

عَنْ حَكِيمِ بنِ معَاوَِيَة، عَنْ أبِيهِ، أََّن رَجُلًا، سأََل النبِيَّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ ما حَقُّ اْلمَرْأةِ على الزَّوْجِ قَاَل  أن يطْعِمََها إِذَا طَعِمَ وَأن يكْسوََها إِذَا اكْتسَى وَلَا يضْرِبِ اْلوَجَْه وَلَا يقبِ حْ وَلَا يْهجرْ إِلَّا فِي اْلبيتِ ”   

37. No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: The Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman (i.e. she needs a walii), and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” Sahih (Darussalam) Arabic : Book 9, Hadith 1956 Sunan Ibn Majah 

 عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ  لَا تزَوِ جُ اْلمَرْأة اْلمَرْأة وَلَا تزَوِ جُ اْلمرْأَُة نفسََها فإَّن الزَّانِية هِيَ اَّلتِي تزَوِ جُ نفس ها ”  

38. Burdening the husband with unnecessary expenses

It was narrated from Jabir that:  The first thing that destroyed the Tribes of Israel is when the wife of a poor person would burden him for clothing or fashion like the way the wife of a rich man would burden him.’ Sahih (Albani) Silsila ahadeeth sahiha 591

 وعن جابر بن عبدالله رضي الله عنه أن النبي – صلى الله عليه وسلم – قال : ) إن أول ما هلك بنو إسرائيل أن امرأة الفقير كانت تكلفه من الثياب أو الصيغ  ما تكلف امرأة الغني.   

 

F. MISCELLANEOUS         متنوعة   

 1. Seeking knowledge together with men 

Abu Hurayra reported, “A woman came to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and said, ‘Messenger of Allah! We cannot come to sit with you, so set aside a day when we can come.’ He said, ‘Your appointed place is the house of so-and-so.’ He came to the women at that time. Part of what he said to them was, ‘There is no woman among you who has three children die, resigning them to Allah, who will not enter the Garden.’ A woman said, ‘And if it is two?’ He replied, ‘And if it is two.'”   

عَنْ  أَبِي هرَْيرََ ة: جَاَءتِ اْمرَأة إَِلى رَسولِ الِله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقاَلتْ : يا رَسُوَل الِله، إَِّنا لَا نقدرُ عََليكَ فِي مجْلِسِكَ، فوَاعِْدَنا يوًْما نأتِكَ فِيهِ، فقَاَل : موْعُِدكُنَّ بيْتُ فلَانٍ، فجَاَءُهنَّ لَذلكَ اْل وعِْد، وَكاَن فِيمَا حََّدَثه نَّ: ما مِنكنَّ اْمرَأة يمُوتُ لَها ثلَاثٌ مِنَ اْلوََلِد، فَتَحْتسِبهمْ، إِلَّا دخََلتِ اْلجَنة، فَقاَلتِ اْمرَأٌَ ة: أَوِ اْثنا نِ؟ قاَ ل: أوَ اْثنان. Grade    : Sahih (Al-Albani) Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 148  

2.   Spreading knowledge  

Ibn Mas’ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah()ﷺ  saying, “May Allah freshen the affairs of a person who hears something from us and communicates it to others exactly as he has heard it (i.e., both the meaning and the words), for it may be that the recipient of knowledge understands it better than the one who has heard it.” [At-Tirmidhi Book 13, Hadith 14] 

 وعن ابن مسعود رضي الله عنه قال: سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول:  “نضر الله امرًءا سمع منا شيئا فبلغه كما سمعه فرب مبلغ أوعي من سامع” ))رواه الترمذي وقال: حديث حسن صحيح((.  

3. Pre and Post islamic women status 

Narrated Ibn `Abbas: (in a long hadith that) Umar had said: “By Allah, in the Pre-lslamic Period of Ignorance we did not pay attention to women until Allah revealed regarding them what He revealed regarding them and assigned for them what He has assigned.

 قَاَل عُمَرُ وَاَّلِلّ إِْن كنا فِي اْلجَاهِلِيَّةِ ما نعُُّد للن سَاِء أَْمرًا،  حَتَّى أنزََل اَّلُلّ فِيهِنَّ ما أنزََل وَقسمَ لُهنَّ ما قَسَمَ .    Sahih al-BukhariBook 65, Hadith 4913   

 4. Women as a source of knowledge

Narrated Abu Musa: “Never was a Hadith unclear to us – the Companions of the Messenger of Allah – and we asked ‘Aishah, except that we found some knowledge concerning it with her.” 

عَنْ أبِي موسَى، قاَل ما أشْكلَ عليْنَا أصحابَ رَسُولِ  اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم حَِديثٌ قَطُّ فسألنَا عائِشََة إِلَّا    .وَجَْدَنا عِنَْدَها مِنُْه عِْلما Grade    : Hasan (Darussalam) Jami` at-Tirmidhi Book 49, Hadith 4257   

5. Causing another woman’s abortion 

Narrated Hisham’s father from Al-Mughira bin Shu’ba: Umar consulted the companions about the case of a woman’s abortion (caused by somebody else). Al-Mughira said: The Prophet ()ﷺ   gave the verdict that a male or female slave should be given (as a Diya). Then Muhammad bin Maslama testified that he had witnessed the Prophet ()ﷺ   giving such a verdict. Sahih al-Bukhari 6905

 عَنْ عُمَرَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أنُه استَشارَُهمْ فِي إِْملاص اْلمَرْأةِ فقاَل اْلمُغِيرَُة قضَى النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِاْلغُرَّةِ عَبد أوْ أم ةٍ. فقاَل اْئتِ منْ يشهد معَكَ، فَشَهَِد محَمَُّد بنُ مسَْلم ة أََّنُه شَهَِد النبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَضَى بِهِ .   

6.   A woman who dies in childbirth is a martyr 

It was narrated from ‘Uqbah bin ‘Amir that the Messenger of Allah ()ﷺ   said: “There are five things, whoever dies of any of them is a martyr. The one who is killed in the cause of Allah is a martyr; the one who dies of an abdominal complaint in the cause of Allah is a martyr; the one who dies of the plague in the cause of Allah is a martyr; and the woman who dies in childbirth in the cause of Allah is a martyr.” Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3163 

 عَنْ عُقبة بنِ عَامِرٍ، أن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل : خَمْسٌ منْ قبِضَ فِي شَىء مِنُْهنَّ فهوَ شهِيٌد اْلمقْتوُل فِي سَبِيلِ اَّلِلّ شَهِيٌد وَاْلغَرِقُ فِي سبِي لِ اَّلِلّ شهِيٌد وَاْلمَبطُوُن فِي سَبِيلِ اَّلِلّ شَهِيٌد وَاْلمَطعُوُن فِي سَبِيلِ اَّلِلّ شهيٌد وَالنفسَاُء فِي سَبِيلِ اَّلِلّ شَهِيٌ د ”   

Alhamdulilah this is the end of our series on ‘100 hadiths on women’. For better understanding of these hadiths, refer to a sheikh or scholar who can give you more clarifications concerning the hadiths.

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There is this murder case documentary that I came across around last year, which was named the most mysterious murder case in India: The double murder of Aarushi Talwar and Hemraj Banjade. So many documentaries have been made on the case and a movie was done too, that’s just how mysterious the murder case was. Just to give you context, here is a summary of the case.

A 13 year old girl called Aarushi Talwar was murdered in her room on May 2008; her throat slit and her head hit. The murder happened while her parents were in the next room sleeping. The initial suspect was a 45 year old Hemraj Banjade who was the live-in domestic worker and was missing when Aarushi was found. However, Hemraj was found murdered the next day at the terrace. The next main suspects became the parents because the crime scene was tampered with and there was no evidence. Since the parents were dentists and had medical experience, the investigators alleged that that gave them the know-how to distort evidence. Another group of investigators however, suspected that three other servants of the Talwar family had killed Aarushi after an attempted sexual assault, and Hemraj for being a witness. The CBI was accused of using dubious methods to extract a confession, and all the three men were released after it could not find any solid evidence against them. The parents became the circumstantial suspects and eventually convicted in 2013 and given life imprisonment. However, on 12 October 2017, the court acquitted them, calling the evidence against them unsatisfactory and severely criticising the police, CBI and the media for not having investigated the murder properly. The case remains unsolved…read the full story here… https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_Noida_double_murder_case

This case had so many twists and turns, assumptions and made-up conclusions.The only thing we know to date is that we may never know if the teenage girl and house servant ever got justice or if it ever will. I kept reviewing the different videos documented on the case because that’s what mystery does. It pushes you to find answers.

Aarushi Talwar’s case aside, when Saida Abdulrahman went missing, I was worried. I bet we all were and that may probably be an understatement. So I won’t pretend to be the noble human being who didn’t react to the news that ‘her pregnancy was fake’. I was pissed! It was a big shock. I remember telling my mother about the mentioned twist of events on the news just when she was about to sleep. After informing her, she sat upright on the bed, speechless with all her sleep gone. Relatable? I bet it is. For so many of us. I had invested too much emotions on her kidnapping, I wanted to demand for answers as well. We deserve to know what exactly happened. We had become part of the family.

Why I started with Aarushi’s story you wonder? After listening to several documentaries about it, I sat for a moment and wondered, if her parents are indeed innocent, how difficult must it be to lose their only child in such a cruel way and end up being jailed for it? How devastating is that? We wouldn’t entirely rule out the parents as suspects. Maybe they did it but maybe they didn’t. What if they didn’t. How do they live after that? Their honour rubbed on the ground, their careers ruined, their life turned upside down and their child gone too…picture that for a moment. Devastating.

I am not taking sides here. I won’t say she played us or she really said the truth. We may never know if Saida is really innocent or not. Her actions may not be justifiable. Maybe not even forgivable. But what if…just what if, she is really saying the truth? What if injustice was really done to her? It is hard I know, the pieces don’t add up, a lot doesn’t make sense. But what if there is indeed a proper explanation to all that happened? Don’t ask me why they haven’t given that explanation then, because for all we know, they are also in a desperate need for an explanation themselves.

So here’s me trying to give her the benefit of doubt. Here’s me saying she is innocent till proven guilty. I guess my conscious would rather somehow try to be satisfied with her word rather than scorn her only to eventually know she was actually a victim as well.

Fun fact: Did you know that there is a mental disorder called “Pseudocyesis which can cause many of the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, and often resembles the condition in every way except for the presence of a fetus? The symptoms of pseudocyesis are similar to the symptoms of true pregnancy and are often hard to distinguish from such natural signs of pregnancy as morning sickness, tender breasts, and weight gain. Many health care professionals can be deceived by the symptoms associated with pseudocyesis. Abdominal distension is the most common physical symptom of pseudocyesis (63– 97% of women are found to experience this). The abdomen expands in the same manner as it does during pregnancy, so that the affected woman looks pregnant. This phenomenon is thought to be caused by buildup of gas, fat, feces, or urine. These symptoms often resolve under general anesthesia and the woman’s abdomen returns to its normal size.

Some of the other common signs and symptoms include: gastrointestinal symptoms, breast changes or secretions, labor pains, uterine enlargement, and softening of the cervix. One percent of women eventually experience false labor.

No single theory about the causes of pseudocyesis is universally accepted by mental health professionals. The first theory attributes the false pregnancy to emotional conflict. It is thought that an intense desire to become pregnant, or an intense fear of becoming pregnant, can create internal conflicts and changes in the endocrine system, which may explain some of the symptoms of pseudocyesis. The second theory concerns wish-fulfillment. It holds that if a women desires pregnancy badly enough she may interpret minor changes in her body as signs of pregnancy. The third leading theory is the depression theory, which maintains that chemical changes in the nervous system associated with some depressive disorders could trigger the symptoms of pseudocyesis….read more here: http://www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/Pseudocyesis.html#ixzz5SJqFr6GG

Remember that it was mentioned that Saida underwent a miscarriage before. So what if that really affected her emotionally to the extent it caused the pseudocyesis disorder? What if those who kidnapped her with the hope of getting a child realized this after putting her under anesthesia which led to her stomach deflating and eventually being dropped where she was found? Good theory I know but a possibility too. It may have no basis nor am I trying to give any ideas for the sake of suspense but hey! just trying to give the benefit of doubt here. If we are making up stories against her, we might as well try to think of others that can support her claim.

In yet another article here: https://www.webmd.com/baby/false-pregnancy-pseudocyesis#1 I quote: When a woman feels an intense desire to get pregnant, which may be because of infertility, repeat miscarriages, impending menopause, or a desire to get married, her body may produce some pregnancy signs (such as a swollen belly, enlarged breasts, and even the sensation of fetal movement). The woman’s brain then misinterprets those signals as pregnancy, and triggers the release of hormones (such as estrogen and prolactin) that lead to actual pregnancy symptoms.

Some researchers have suggested that poverty, a lack of education, childhood sexual abuse, or relationship problems might play a role in triggering false pregnancy. Having a false pregnancy is not the same as claiming to be pregnant for a benefit (for example, to profit financially), or having delusions of pregnancy (such as in patients with schizophrenia).”

“Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness called a “psychosis” in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined. The main feature of this disorder is the presence of delusions, unshakable beliefs in something untrue or not based on reality. People with delusional disorder generally experience non-bizarre delusions, which involve situations that could occur in real life, such as being followed, poisoned, deceived, conspired against, or loved from a distance. These delusions usually involve the misinterpretation of perceptions or experiences. In reality, however, the situations are either not true at all or highly exaggerated. If the delusions could not happen in reality (aliens, television broadcasting your thoughts) then a person might be considered delusional with bizarre-type delusions….Although delusions might be a symptom of more common disorders, such as schizophrenia, delusional disorder itself is rather rare.” Read more: https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/guide/delusional-disorder#1

Note that Schizophrenia is a psychosis, a type of mental illness in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined. At times, people with psychotic disorders lose touch with reality. The world may seem like a jumble of confusing thoughts, images, and sounds.

So what if Saida’s ordeal was actually a psychotic episode which eventually led to the fake pregnancy disorder?…God knows best.

I know of a lady who use to experience weird visions like hallucinations for two years with no medical or even religious explanations to what she was going through. Eventually she started having fits and convulsions which were a symptom of epilepsy. When taken to the specialists, all kind of tests were done yet all her scans and MRI were clear. The doctor even refused to treat her with epileptic medications despite all symptoms showing the same. To date, all the doctors she has seen have never known that it is epilepsy for sure but eventually put her on the medication. Not surprisingly, the epilepsy medication helped her despite no hard proof of the disease. That’s just how life is. Some things remain a mystery.

Now I am not a psychiatrist or even a psychologist yet to have a deeper understanding of the disorders I just mentioned. But all I’m saying is, there is a possibility that Saida is indeed a victim, or unaware just like the rest of us. There could be another side of the story that can’t be explainable at the moment or maybe even forever. But let’s take a pause and think about this girl and her family. What would they be going through if indeed they said what they know? If they are also as desperate for answers? What kind of pain would they be in while many of us are throwing insults at her and her entire family?

Please note that I am not saying that Saida wasn’t pregnant or that she is mentally ill. All I’m saying is, there are other possibilities.E.g witch craft, actual kidnapping etc.

Let’s just pause with all the assumptions (mine included). Let’s just pray that she gets well. If she master-planned this then let us leave God do what is His job. Yes we are bitter about our own involvement in the matter but lets just give the family the much needed peace now. They just had their daughter back, whatever the truth is, whether she is indeed wrong or not, I bet they need the space to process all that happened. Lets give them space. Lets give them the benefit of doubt. May the truth be out.

Did I just crack this case?!!

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