stress

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I came across this meme the other day, it was actually a tweet of someone asking something like, “What motivates you to live?” and someone replies, “Suicide is haraam.” And you know it sounds funny but we all know there is so much truth and pain behind most of the memes. Maybe it is because they are quite relatable and you think, “Oh, at least i’m not the only miserable one.” so we just laugh it off even when are writhing in pain deep inside.

I am not sure how things got to the state we are in right now, the current generation that is. I, for one, know that several people would attempt suicide hadn’t it been illegal and an abomination in almost all cultures and religions. At this instance, many have thought of suicide, some have contemplated it, some have attempted it and some went ahead and committed it. What is so wrong about us? Is it that we are too soft or is it that we are just impatient beings who want bliss on a silver platter.

From what I always hear about the previous generations, our parents and grandparents went through a whole lot of hardship too. They would walk for hours to get education, they too suffered due to unemployment, from forced marriages, from ugly divorces, from death of parents and what not…They too suffered but it is important to note that they survived and that suicide was almost unheard of except for the abnormal or mentally ill patients or in very rare cases, the normal people. Were their hearts made from harder and metallic content different from what we are? Or are we simply the spoilt generation?… I am still trying to figure this out yet on the other hand, I do have an idea of where this springs from.

Before I go on. Wait, did you see where that famous vlogger, lady X, had lunch yesterday? Breathtaking right?!! Such a beautiful place and the food looked so delicious! After that she went for a spa…you know, those self-love stuffs we keep talking about. And Mr Y, that instagrammer with 20k followers posted this epic image of himself. He wasn’t doing anything really, but he looks so savage just how he ‘lives’ you know. Its like some people are paid for just existing. Ah, but that’s not even the who we should be talking about. There’s this fashionista who was showcasing her new wardrobe, I almost cried at how gorgeous the artistic prints are. But she is too pretty herself you know, we have to give her the due credit. My God, where are these young people getting all this money to just enjoy life? I mean, I have a job and I earn a salary yet I can’t even afford to be as happy. Sigh. Never mind. Where were we before talking about these seemingly perfect humans?

Aha. Suicide. Have you ever contemplated it? Do you feel miserable because your age mates seem to have everything figured out so well? Your age mates are going for adventures, they are getting married to these ‘perfect humans like themselves’, they are having cute babies, they go to the beach…and you? What do you do? probably nothing compared to what they do right? And that ends up messing you all the time isn’t it? Like why can’t I have any of that? Don’t I deserve it? I know for sure, if suicide wasn’t haraam, many would have tried it.

I think the current generation, my generation, are living in a complete illusion. We are soo engrossed in portraying how our lives are okay, no, in fact, we are more than okay. We are doing too good. We want our ‘haters’ to know that we are doing quite fine even when our haters are probably just people prettier than us or perhaps more successful. We want to be fancied, to be famous, to be noticed everywhere we go. We want to be able to afford any hotel in town and so we do anything to afford that. We want to be savage, to be envied and be seen like hot chocolate. But we all know in reality what goes down in our lives don’t we? We know what we show off and all that ‘awww thank you boo’, is a lot of pretense, sadness and pain. We pressure ourselves a lot and use so much of our energy in proving that we matter, meanwhile, losing the shreds of true peace and happiness within us. For the rest who are not obsessed with being ‘somebody’, we get carried away with what we hear and see about our friends, or these very happy couples and all these famous young people and we push ourselves way too hard to at least lead a ‘good life’ like theirs.

The truth is, what we see online is not even half the truth about what our lives or anyone’s life is about. There are so many fake smiles, fake laughter and fake lives plastered up on our walls to show the world we are doing great. But in reality, everyone is struggling. Each and every human being is struggling in some way. They may not show it but before obsessing over someone’s seemingly perfect life, always keep that in mind. And I know this has been said so many times even with the celebrities themselves, but maybe we should remind one another more often.

Keep in mind that each one of us has their own special journey, their own timeline and their own milestones. Concentrate on yourself, your special self and your special journey. Be patient and love yourself. So if you are thinking of suicide, or contemplate it from time to time, do know that the world is bigger than your struggles. You shall overcome them and you will be happy by God’s will. Life has never been a straight line. No one has gone through misery throoouughout and no one has ever been entirely happy forever. There are ups and downs, so with every low remember that your high is not so far away. Be kind to one another, you never know who needs it. And always remember that when God made suicide illegal, it was because He knew he created you with enough strength within you to tackle your battles. Have faith please and pray a lot.

I know there are a lot other factors that contribute to the increment of suicidal attempts, but I thought to discuss about this first. If your struggles are overwhelming you way too much, please seek help. Please don’t feel ashamed to be helped. If you need a counselor, email me at info@lubnah.me.ke, i’ll link you to one. You never have to go through the storms alone.

To end this, i’ll just drop this forward I received this morning. It was written by one lovely counsellor:

“In the counseling session last night, the sister, after committing 100% to starting her journey of healing and self-care took a step back and asked very sorrowfully,

“But Sr. Bela, what about the years and years of damage, isn’t it going to effect my future?”

So, after taking her through a few more therapeutic processes to answer this question, I added – the example of a man who faced years and years of damage.

He was thrown into the well by his own brothers. Wasn’t it enough to inculcate fear in him and make him lose trust in relationships? Damage. He was sold in a market. Wasn’t it enough to ruin his confidence and sabotage his self-esteem? Damage. He was invited to do an immoral act by a woman. Wasn’t it enough to make him lose his chastity? Damage. He was imprisoned for many years. Wasn’t it enough to give him the liberty of playing victim for the rest of his life? Damage.

But what happened as a result of all these damages?

He stood confidently in the court of a King convincing the king to make him – what we can understand as – a Finance Minister. The years of damage made him – PURE GOLD.

Our beloved – Yusuf A.S.

After years of trauma upon trauma, he emerged the victor.

Lesson: Your past only does to you what you allow it to do. This is the reason Prophets never dwelt on their past and remained persistently positive – came what may.

The damages and trauma come in our lives to

1- erase our sins
2- elevate our ranks
3- teach us what happiness and an easy life could never teach us.
4- make us PURE GOLD.

Take lesson. Learn. Implement and move on.

The victor inside you is waiting for it’s awakening.” – Bela Khan.

If suicide wasn’t haraam, I hope you’d be strong enough you still wouldn’t try it.

Photo Courtesy: stuffpoint.com

Can you hear that?

Is that your ridiculously slow heartbeat? Beating like it is being forced to do so. Like a lazy kid being pushed to wake up?

Can you feel that?

Your head thumping even while you are not sick. Your body aches yet you are as fit as never before. Listen keenly. Feel. Observe. It is your heart. It is tired. It is fatigued. It is in excruciating pain. It is hurting…and so is the whole of you.

But don’t we all get tired sometimes? Physically, yes but it doesn’t always start there right?

It starts with how stressed, sad, depressed you are. It is how tired you are of life. How you want to go somewhere very far and live alone. How you just want to disappear. How you wish to shut out everyone and anyone. How food is no longer attractive, not even your favourite Cheese cake. How time seems to be taking a casual walk like a tortoise. How everything seems to be dragging. So everything around you drags too, including your heart and your body.

You just want to get away because no one seems to understand you. Your hormones are reacting worse than those of a pregnant woman. You have excessive feels again and again. Sleep seems to be out of your dictionary at the moment, and when you finally get into that wonderland, you can’t help but sleep for 16 or 20 hours. If possible, you would have slept for the whole week or three consecutive months or for eternity?

Yes, you are that tired and you don’t know how to get out of your misery. You don’t even know if you really want to get out of it. You just yearn for the quite impossible things at the moment. Like sleeping for 25/7 or staying away from job the whole year or going for a holiday twice a year, every six months. You are exhausted…

But sit up a moment. Think about it. How long are you going to let yourself drown in this? Remember, however long you stay sinking in your own storm, you are still the only one capable of pulling yourself out.

One thing that drug addicts refuse to admit is that however much of ‘relaxation’ or ‘highness’ they enjoy from drugs, one thing is never going to change; your misery will still stay put where it has always been. The problems will still be there even if you decide to be on drugs the whole week or month. Because once the soberness starts striking in your head, you wouldn’t have made the situation any better. Instead, you got yourself one more problem of hangovers and addiction.

It is the same thing with you, even when you don’t use drugs. You let yourself get lost in your frenzy world, over-eating or starving yourself, not sleeping or spending your entire time in sleep, worrying, worrying and always worrying. Thinking, thinking and more thinking. But you gotta wake up right? Soberness will creep in like a ghost, reminding you of all the piles and loads of undone work. You gotta shake that misery off. You gotta face your troubles. You gotta do what you have to.

Remember that not always will you have someone to rub off your tears while you cry an ocean or shove you under the cold shower when you can’t even talk or hug you when having a panic attack. Sometimes you are all you got; Yourself.

So wake up now. Someone needs you. You need YOU. Sit up and think straight. Think of how to face your problems with bravery, patience and perseverance. Fix what you can fix and leave the rest to God. Just don’t let yourself sink again. Don’t let yourself be the definition of tired. You are capable of standing up and being what you always have been; strong.

Keep having faith. Better things coming in shaa Allah ?

IF SUICIDE WASN’T HARAAM

READ THIS WHEN YOU ARE TIRED