By: Husna Lali
Photo Courtesy: http://www.houzz.com/
Is there a difference between Change and Consistency? Most of the times I like to remain indifferent about Change and Consistency….I mean some of you might as well say yeah there is…but I feel at times that the pros of consistency are the cons of change…and vice versa. Think of it this way a caterpillar turning into a butterfly…that’s change yeah? Is it good? Totally. Then there’s consistency…lionesses hunt….and it’s been that way since forever…is it bad? No it’s not. Supposing lionesses thought like humans and there’s feminism in Pride Land…Okay? No. I am sure you now know why I am not a fan of being in a debate about Change and Consistency.
So like in life, take metarmophosis for example. Is that developing or changing? I mean…you’re the same YOU…but in a different way….wait…isnt that what change it is? Confusing right?
The other day, I was catching up with friends and we had a conversation that was brought up with you know…ahh 5 years ni miaka mingi…unkua…you no longer have that kiddish face…unkaa mtu mzima (P.S she was probably referring to the fact that I had my mtandio intact 😄…high school was ish ish…or maybe I am no longer the reckless girl who came in class with zero fucks given on how short my jilbab was or missing the scarf. Thank you Anisa for always having an extra one for me for Mondays and Thursdays 😂) Anyways, we got into talking about life. How it was different from what we expected and what we did not and so automatically we ended up talking about marriage.
When do you know you’re ready to get married? How is marriage life different from not-commited life? From the stories and experiences we had…I can strongly conclude Marriage Life is another hell for people who grew up with strict and at the same time conservative parents and family.
I don’t know…it’s probably norms and cultures…like if you get married you’re expected to cook, give birth, raise kids, take care of your husband and suddenly it’s a routine. (Wenyewe wasema ni ulezi). Do not get me wrong. I am not saying any of that is bad….actually it’s very good. Almost as good as it being part and parcel of the marriage package deal. The question however remains to be; does it have to be the only stuff you do in your marriage? Like wake up in the morning get the kids and the Mr. ready for school and work or whatever. Go to work(or not). Come back home and cook for them, help them with homework or work related stuff (again or not). Eat. Sleep. Wake up the following morning and it’s literally your cycle of life. The best you get when you have a free time is watch you-tube videos on make-up tutorials or cook shows. Hah! My friend,she put it like whenever you’re free…you find fascination on curtains or furniture or this blouse I bought or usitumie mchele A for mkate wa sinia ukitumia B yawa laini zaidi). You should’ve heard say that btw. 😂😂😂
In my perspective. I think alot of marriages do not work because wallahy I feel that that cycle is a wastage of the wife’s entire life. It’s probably 98% of the reasons why husbands go outside to look for other women…like say these free and hyper and crazed up girls because they’re full of life and energy and are not boring. (Consistency not good here yeah? I thought so too.)
I am absolutely 95% sure the make up or the blouses and deras and thobes we ladies get are not even for the Mr. If they’re not for weddings and functions( which 100% certain your husband isn’t attending) then it’s for show off to your girls and it’s for the typical swahili culture (ahh mashallah mume wake amtizama uzuri.) Wake up woman! You’re way more than just that. I mean dress up. No one is denying you that right…but why do you have to do it for people. It’s okay if you’re creative and into interior fashion and architectural designing…but those need not be your purpose in life. Contour and higlight your face and at the same time be a mechanical engineer. Cook like one would say it tastes like maiden and at the same time be that on call doctor who gets a midnight call to go do an emergency surgery. Seriously lady…you went to school. Before marriage you had visions and dreams. Just like they say you should not put marriage on hold because of education don’t you dare put an end to your education, dreams and visions just because of marriage life. Just like you’re the mother to the kids…he is the father. Just like you can cook so can he (or learn..ddduuhhh there’s Chef Ali Mandhry…he cooks and a half). Just like you can take the kids to school and help them with homework so can he. Am not saying go all feminist on him. Take atleast 65% of the works needed in refining your marriage life…but dude…while looking after the kids and the Mr.; use the remaining 35% to fucking look after yourself too. Update yourself because marriage was not meant to introduce you to a new version and set you to a default. You do not want to stay behind, because this world is dynamic and change is a must…or is it consistency (like before marriage you were someone with goals therefore keep goaling)?
P.S I am not promoting feminism. I am promoting consistency or change or whatever.