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Creative Non-Fiction


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My dear readers,

Writing has transformed into a rare luxury for me, a cherished activity often sidelined by the relentless demands of daily life. It’s something I can only engage in after tackling a mountain of chores, navigating the complexities of finances and taxes, and finding a way to retreat into solitude for days, searching for that elusive moment of inspiration. I can almost hear my own voice echoing, “I used to write, you know… but then life happened…”

There was a time when I was convinced that if I fueled my inner fire with enough passion and determination, I could carve out precious moments for the things I love. Spoiler alert: Wrong! It seems that adulthood should come with a warning label, as writing is certainly not the only thing I’m falling behind on. The responsibilities and complexities of growing up seem to pile up, making it challenging to keep pace with everything I once managed so easily. The only silver lining of this madness is that I know I am not alone.

Things have been changing drastically and without warning. As they say, ‘hii syllabus inaenda mbio’. For example, since when did I start taking evening tea? Who am I?! Or why is it taking me 3 to 5 business days to watch one true-crime documentary or just a feel-good movie, something I used to do in one night? Or why are kids expecting eidiya (eid gift tokens) from me? Or why am I now listening to full speeches during school events? Mind you, school events of my nieces and nephews who have ME as their NEXT OF KIN. Crazy, right? Ain’t I ‘children’?

Remember my obsession with kids, how I thought my sole purpose on Earth was to nurture tiny humans? Flash forward to now, and I’m much more of a “Why are they so energetic?” kind of gal. Don’t get it twisted; I still dream of being a mother someday, in shaa Allah, but can I survive the chaos? So many questions swirling around in my brain.

My outings with friends have become increasingly rare, and what once resembled a social life has faded away. When we do manage to escape our daily routines, our conversations now revolve around recipes, the challenging economy, and complaints about conflicts with the “senior citizens” at work. We often express our disbelief at the high expectations placed on school children today and lament the outrageous prices of curtains. Oh, how times have changed! We no longer dream about the latest Converse sneakers or trendy backpacks; instead, our wish list includes air fryers, vacuums, and dumbbells.

We’ve shifted from reading Khaled Hosseini’s beautifully written novels to exploring books on narcissism, trauma, and healing (if we ever get the time to do that anyway 😉 ). Whereas we used to ignore politics, we now find ourselves tweeting and retweeting about how the system and government have failed us. It’s astonishing how practical and logical we’ve become!
Weekends? Oh, they now consist of barricading myself inside the house like a hermit from dusk till dawn, only to emerge for Monday’s inevitable grind. And here I thought I was an introvert! There’s a whole new level, my friends, where you avoid talking to anyone, loud noises are such a pet peeve and you realise that proving your good intentions during arguments isn’t worth the energy anymore.

Some days, I catch myself sending out Friday forwards, and suddenly it dawns on me: Am I this close to sending the obligatory “Good Morning” gifs and duas filled with flowers and birds chirping? All this because starting a conversation feels like trying to jump-start a dead car battery. Sleep has become my sole desire, a comforting escape from daily chaos. The only times we go out are for sad funerals or happy weddings, which are the rare moments we step away from our routines to connect with others.

Remember when I used to be fun? Sharing memes on my WhatsApp status like my life depended on it? Well now we have the ugly reality of wars and oppression and violence right on our faces which makes me question: was it always like this or were we just totally oblivious? My God! Did they actually mean it when they (the older generation) kept saying, ‘Kupumzika ni kaburini?!’

However, if there’s anything, adulting really humbles you. You truly get to appreciate life for what it is. The back and knee pains remind you of the blessing of health. The little moments you get to spend with friends make you value them more. You learn the importance of choosing your battles because you realize how precious your time and energy is. You start appreciating homemade food more because you understand it’s not just food; it’s love in a Tupperware container plus, money is saved! (our parents were right aye?!  ) Most importantly we get to extend a little (a lot) more grace to our parents. We understand them better now. We understand how much they endured to make us what we are today. We understand how much they sacrificed. How much they TRIED. We understand that they don’t have much time anymore and every single day, every single moment with them is a gift and a blessing.

For most of us millennials, this journey through adulthood is like a wild roller coaster with no safety bar. We’ve hopped between worlds—playing outside until dusk and then watching kids who have never known a life without screens. We’ve seen the highs and the lows, and yet, here we stand. With a bit of a prayer for serene days, wiser decisions, and an abundance of consciousness, let’s raise a metaphorical toast to the new adults navigating this exhilarating circus we call life! Cheers!

Inspired by KonoozTube (on YouTube)

In our perception of wealth, we’ve traditionally categorized people into three main groups: the poor, the middle class, and the rich. However, the reality of wealth distribution is much more intricate than these broad categories suggest. Within the category of the poor, there are various levels of economic hardship. Some individuals are homeless, those who can afford to rent a house but lack stable employment, and others who are employed but struggle to afford even a single meal. Similarly, wealth extends beyond the rich category, encompassing levels such as millionaires, billionaires, and the extremely affluent. When considering how to assist those in need, it’s important to recognize the complexity of people’s circumstances and the multitude of factors that influence their financial well-being.

Often, we overlook certain individuals when extending generosity, particularly those who seem financially stable. Even when we are aware of their circumstances, we may still determine that they are undeserving of help. These are the individuals in the class between being in poverty and the middle class. They may have jobs, and sometimes they even have homes, but they struggle to make ends meet. And even these people have levels- We have those working in low-paying jobs such as housemaids, street vendors, security guards, and bodaboda. Then there are teachers, religious teachers, secretaries, and others. This hierarchy continues up the ranks. Although everyone has the freedom to choose where their donations go, it’s unfortunate how we sometimes label others as undeserving.

One makes the decision to send a delivery of donations to an orphanage, which is a very noble act. However, they attempt to negotiate the delivery charges, (especially when they can afford it) even though they know it will be unprofitable for the delivery guy. Another person decides to renovate a mosque but pays the workers less than they deserve. Someone creates an education fund to help others, yet their own relative struggles to afford their child’s schooling.

Why do we choose not to help our neighbors because they have a car, even though we know they struggle with chronic illnesses that drain their finances? Why do we refuse to assist our relatives simply because they own a house, without considering that the house might have been inherited? Why do we procrastinate on paying the workers who are digging the charity boreholes we are donating? And why do we run the largest charity organization but still underpay our employees? What motivates these actions?

Let’s not assume that everyone is comfortable in their lives. Life is unpredictable and not just black and white. For example, you might be giving all your charity to an orphan who already has other donors or has a wealthy grandfather taking care of them, while overlooking your housemaid who can’t afford treatment for a long-term illness. You might also donate frequently to a mosque without realizing that the teachers working there can barely afford a meal. Additionally, you might focus all your charity efforts on the poor on the streets, while forgetting those who are heavily in debt due to their inability to make ends meet, not because of a luxurious lifestyle.

You might know a manager who owns a car and think they have their lives in order, but perhaps they are the sole breadwinner for ten other siblings or relatives. You might know someone’s income, but you don’t really know their responsibilities. Some people have constant hospital/medical bills, many dependents, and are responsible for educating their younger ones. Some have professional achievements but don’t have stable jobs. I know of a PhD holder, a part-time lecturer who shared her story of how she’d have to sell snacks to be able to acquire fare to go teach her classes (as a PhD student!). Who would’ve ever thought?

The main point is to be kind whenever possible without making assumptions about someone’s financial situation. It’s also a reminder to be thoughtful and considerate when offering help. Your landlord may seem well-off because he/she owns houses, but if you’re aware that they are struggling with debt or medical bills, they may still be in need of assistance. In fact, some people we overlook may be eligible for zakatul maal.

It is for this reason that Allah subhanahu wataala categorized for us the recipients of zakat as follows:The poor (al-fuqarâ’), meaning low-income or indigent.The needy (al-masâkîn), meaning someone who is in difficulty.Zakat administrators.Those whose hearts are to be reconciled, meaning new Muslims and friends of the Muslim community.Those in bondage (slaves and captives).The debt-ridden.In the cause of God.The wayfarer, meaning those who are stranded or traveling with few resources.If we carefully examine this list, we will notice that most of us give charity to the poor, but we often forget about the masakin, the reverts, the indebted, and many others.

Let’s reflect on this verse from Suratul Kahf which says, “As for the ship, it belonged to some poor people, working at sea….” Today, if someone owned a ship and worked on it, would we even consider them as poor people who may need our help?Of course none of us knows what the weightier charity is, and no one can or should force us to redirect our money for charity. Ultimately, it is Allah who grants the reward and no one else. However, here is a gentle reminder to extend our generosity to those we don’t normally consider, even if it is by simply paying a worker a good pay. They too are working hard and deserve help.

When it comes to helping those in need, there are numerous ways to offer kindness and support. It’s not only about providing direct donations. We can also show our support indirectly by giving thoughtful gifts, especially during significant occasions like Ramadan, Eid, and weddings. Additionally, we can assist by purchasing necessary medicines for those who are unwell, taking some home ration when visiting them, and forgiving debts owed to us. Furthermore, making regular purchases from their businesses can contribute to their success and make a positive difference.

Let’s challenge traditional thinking, treat others with more understanding and insight, and recognize that life is multifaceted and complex. In everything we do, let’s strive for exceptional generosity and kindness.

The world of influencers is undeniably attractive – highly desired, admired, and full of potential opportunities. Their lives seem exciting in a way that many of us could only wish for. But do we take a moment to realize that a human being is behind the screen? A figure crafted from earthy clay, much like yourself – imperfect and flawed, facing struggles beyond our comprehension, and prone to making errors just like any other individual. So why do we elevate their importance to the extent of losing sight of what is right or wrong? Why do we seek to imitate their actions, clothing, and lifestyle in a desperate attempt to be like them, even resorting to wrongdoing, falsehood, harassment, and belittling others?

In Suratul Baqarah, Allah Subhanahu Wataala tells us, “˹Consider the Day˺ when those who misled others will disown their followers when they face torment, and the bonds that united them will be cut off. The ˹misled˺ followers will cry, ‘If only we could have a second chance, we would disown them as they disowned us.’ And so Allah will make them remorseful of their misdeeds, and they will never ˹be able to˺ leave the Fire.” While the initial verses describe the polytheists, they very much apply to the popular influencer culture we have now.

We should not expect that an influencer we blindly followed will stand up for us on the Day of Judgement. We followed them by our own will and dubbed them as influencers. So, when we see an influencer publicly revealing their sins and decide to follow suit, we should remember that we signed up for it ourselves. While influencers will be held accountable for promoting evil, they will never be asked about why others chose to follow their opinions and lifestyle.

Often, when influencers display their human side and imperfections after being seen as role models, people strongly react, blaming them for not portraying reality and feeling let down by their actions. However, the real question is, why do we feel the need to idolize fellow human beings and blindly imitate them, getting drawn to their carefully constructed lives and treating them like demigods? What drives us to want to copy their way of living?

We tend to romanticize fame and popularity without thinking about the reality of life and the long-term effects of our choices. Understandably, some individuals do not choose to be in these positions but rather, their roles in the community or workforce force them into the spotlight. Nevertheless, the responsibility and accountability still rest with them.

Some may not even realize the weight they bear on their shoulders. Even if the influencers themselves don’t ask others to follow them, they should be aware of the power they have and use it wisely. The ripple effect of one’s actions can lead to the accumulation of negative consequences in this life and sins on the Day of Judgement. This is a burden no one should bear willingly. It’s important for individuals to be mindful of the impact they have on others and to consider the potential impact of their actions on a larger scale.

Indeed, there are some people who aspire to become famous for positive reasons, but this pursuit often comes with significant dangers that are often overlooked. Some of us seek to gain as many followers as our idols, often comparing our lives to theirs and aspiring to become influencers ourselves. However, the sobering reality is that no one can guarantee that they will always be a positive influence on others. Likewise, none of us is immune to being led astray or experiencing negative outcomes. What we can do is be mindful, intentional, and wise to the best of our ability, and pray for guidance and strength in our faith.

Here’s a gentle reminder dear reader. Whether you’re an influencer or someone who’s influenced, it’s important to be mindful of your words, actions, and claims. Be intentional about what you share and consider the digital footprint you want to leave behind. Most importantly, be cautious about what you consume online and whom you consider your role model. The social media hype of individuals, trends, materials, and lifestyle can be more detrimental than you think.

As we navigate these unprecedented times of social media influence, let’s remember these wise words from Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with him): ‘Whoever wants to follow a path, let him follow the path of one who has died, for the living are not safe from fitnah.’ I mean the Companions of Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). They were the best of this ummah: the purest in heart, the deepest in knowledge, and the most straightforward. Allah chose them to accompany His Prophet and establish His religion, so recognize their status and follow in their footsteps. Adhere as much as you can to their example of conduct and attitude, for they followed true guidance.’

Late last year, one of my biggest fears came true. It was something I had been worrying about for years. I had thought about how it would happen, how it would emotionally devastate me, and how lost I would feel. I had discussed it with my closest friends, my therapist, and anyone who would listen. It was an unhealthy obsession with the future, already planning my survival strategy in case this specific thing happened. I cried often about it. In some ways, it felt like I was bargaining with fate, begging even; ‘I really don’t want this to happen, it’s going to hurt so bad. Please have mercy on me.’ But as my therapist would say, that is my anxiety trying to control things beyond me.

In hindsight, it is true. I was constantly trying to control the situation. I was always strategizing; “If only I do the right things, if only I say the right words, if only I am a good human, a good friend, good this, good that, then maybe I can prevent the hurtful things from happening, right?” For over a decade, I tormented myself with this fear, only to find that in the end, it happened exactly as I had feared. It was a painful, devastating, and alarming loss. Not because I possess some superhuman ability to predict the future, but simply because it was meant to happen.

As human beings, we often place all our self-worth and happiness on something or someone we hold dear, an illusioned idea of wealth, a lifestyle, or a job we love. However, as we grow older, we realize how helpless we truly are. Things change, people change, and life can take a sudden turn. Even so, we cannot really blame fate, life, or people for being what they are. The dunya wasn’t meant to be a place of bliss, so disappointments, losses, and heartbreaks are meant to happen, whether we want it or not.

This reminds me of the deeply relatable book, ‘Reclaim Your Heart’ by Yasmin Mogahed where she said, “We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support.

The twig was never created to carry us.

Our weight was only meant to be carried by God.”

Pause. Think about it. ‘The twig was never created to carry us. Our weight was only meant to be carried by God.’ Subhanallah. How many of us have attached all of our hopes and dreams to other human beings or material stuff or an idea?

Yasmin Mogahed went on to say: “We are told in the Quran: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.” (Qur’an, 2: 256). There is a crucial lesson in this verse: that there is only one hand-hold that never breaks. There is only one place where we can lay our dependencies. There is only one relationship that should define our self-worth and only one source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and security. That place is God.”

As I struggled through this painful experience, I had the brutal realization that I was not in control. I am just a fragile human being who cannot change my life according to my desires/expectations. Maybe it is the arrogance of my heart to think that I am entitled to get such and such a thing because I’ve strived to be a good human being always. It was like that necessary slap on the face of being put in your place. A reminder of who is the Most Powerful.

As harsh as that sounds, I saw Allah’s mercy on me through it all. Immediately after this particular loss, I got a series of very demanding works. I was so absorbed, so exhausted, so overwhelmed, that I barely had time to think. And even on the much painful days when I’d cry myself to sleep, or had constant dreams about it, I’d always notice Allah’s compassion towards me.

I remember one particularly hard morning, a friend texted me quite early and gave a very beautiful review of my book ‘The Striving Soul’. She used such kind words to describe me and my work that it brought tears to my eyes. A couple of hours later, another dear friend sent a very random message to our group, thanking me for being who I am, and for inspiring them, etc, then other members of the group decided it was the time for me to receive my flowers and kept on praising me. Then AGAIN, another couple of hours later, a writer I know, texted me about how he randomly bought an anthology but he didn’t know I was one of the writers. He explained to me how he had lost his long-time wife recently and it had been so difficult to do anything, even reading. But when he saw my name he immediately read my story and it touched him so much it teared him up. He was just glad he was able to read again.

Subhanallah. I spent that whole day noticing the ‘seemingly small’ gestures of kindness from several people in my life. And I was so moved by Allah’s mercy towards me. It honestly felt like a warm embrace from God. Like a reassurance that despite this hard-learned lesson, He was there with me. Like a tag to the heart to say, ‘Unlike what you thought, you are still alive, aren’t you?’ That everything will be okay. That this too shall pass. All this, not because I am faultless, perfect, or deserving of His kindness. But because He is who He is.

Even more than that, it made me think of the many other circumstances that I so desperately feared in the past; many did not happen, and for the ones that I did, I still found the strength to persevere. Even when I did not think I could. It reminds me of the ayah, “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.” (Qur’an 2:286) Indeed, Allah is the Most Knowing. He only tested us with whatever he tested us with because HE KNEW we can endure it. It will not be a test if it won’t be painful. So the pain is inevitable. But the strength to go through it all? Allah will give you that, and more…

Suddenly you’ll notice kind strangers doing random acts of kindness for you. Suddenly, the work you dread so much becomes a tiny bit easier. Suddenly, good people seek your friendship. Suddenly, you get a random win. Suddenly, you acquire some money you did not expect. Suddenly, a long-lost friend sends you a gift. Suddenly, someone unexpectedly offers you support with something that’s been troubling you. Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly…but is it really a coincidence? By Allah, it is not. This is Allah Subhanahu Wataala. He gives you one heavy test but grants you ease and comfort through many other ways, and sometimes, different aspects of your life.

I remember sometime last year, a young lady randomly texted me on Instagram. She had come across my poems on grief and they had brought her to tears. We chit-chatted a bit on loss and the pain of grief and that was it. But somehow, we went on talking a little more before she confided in me that her fiancé had recently passed away, just three months before their wedding. I couldn’t even start to fathom how devastating that must have been for her. We talked a bit about it, and then a couple of days later, she started reading my book ‘Reflection and Resurgence.’

Now for whoever has read this book, you know that it has several different Islamic themes on faith, repentance, love, hope, patience, etc. Even though the book does have a few passages that could move a grieving person, it is quite a general spiritual book. However, after reading the book, she wrote me a long message and part of it said, “I just finished reading your book today. It is exactly one month since the death of my fiancé. Alhamdulilah, it is the first time since then that I can confidently say that I feel peace alhamdulilah, I literally feel happy…..Actually, I felt like I was meant to read this book. I feel like you wrote this book for me Subhanallah. Like every page in this book was like aiming me. Alhamdulilah, alhamdulilah….”

Subhanallah. I think of how Allah set us up to cross paths at the exact moment when she was deep in grief and to eventually read my book that to a small extent, eased her pain. It is not a coincidence. Not because my work is brilliant or anything like that, but only because Allah knew that the reminders I had kept therein were meant to grant her some comfort at that particular time. And I think of how often Allah showers us with His mercy through other human beings or other events, yet we don’t notice. Indeed Allah is with us, even when we are in the darkest pits of hell on earth.

As painful as this experience has been and still is, I have truly learned to accept that ‘We plan and Allah Plans, and He is the Best of Planners.’ That however much we try to make things go our way, they can never do so except by His permission. That this dunya and all that is in it is temporary. That He’ll ONLY test you with what you can bear. That Allah is Kind, He is always very, very kind and merciful towards us, we just need to see it to be grateful.

Most importantly, I quote this powerful quote I came across recently, “Do not borrow grief from the future.” And oufffff! I’ve thought about this a lot. (I think I need this plastered on my wall!) I have borrowed grief time and time again, yet when the said ‘feared future’ arrived, I still had to go through that pain. Totally pointless. Do not recommend 😄

In the end, everything is going to work out exactly how it is meant to. Another day to remind myself and you, beloved reader to ‘Let Go and Let God.’

You may read the third part of this article here

My very adorable boys have grown. It’s amazing watching them bloom. Don’t get me wrong, they still drive us crazy but whenever they are away, their absence is deeply felt.

My Hassun (my happy person 3) is close to four years, but now we call him Chenchen. He is the most charming of all. But he’s also got that kind of cat-ish pride, you know what I mean right? Sometimes he gives hugs and kisses and smiles abundantly, and sometimes you call him and he ignores you completely. If you keep calling his name he point blank shouts NO from wherever he is. He is only gonna love you when he feels like it. He is still my favourite though. It is an undeniable fact.

There was a time months back I went away from home for some days and every evening, I would call and the first person I would ask for is him. My aunt whom I was staying with once asked me, ‘You’re very attached to Chenchen yeah?’ I laughed and asked why. She said she rarely hears me ask about the others 😀

Sometimes I feel bad and say to myself that I don’t want the others to feel discriminated. But what is love? I cannot hide it. I get to the door of home and he is the first name I call out. I bring them sweets, and Chenchen is the first I give it to. Random times I would remember him and miss him and just say his name. SMH, I know, it’s an obsession at this point.

I noticed that whenever I left him home, he would avoid eye contact once I’m back. He would refuse to acknowledge my existence entirely. And any attempt to hug him or kiss him will be followed by a big NO. But then slooowwwllly, and with much persuasion, he starts smiling shyly then disappears, then at another moment he lets me carry him but then throw a tantrum to be left alone, then at another moment he comes to lay on my lap or if he cries, he comes to hug me. It’s like the perfect illustration of cognitive dissonance (a mental conflict that occurs when your beliefs don’t line up with your actions). It seems like he feels hurt and angry and betrayed for leaving without him, but then he is kinda happy to see you but doesn’t exactly want it to be noticed.

He is the absolute cutest. Well apart from the fact that he STILL refuses to call me by my name and calls me by my younger sister’s name instead. I think this move is very intentional; like he’s teasing me. You can’t tell me he knows how to say EXCAVATOR and MONSTER TRUCK and knows how to call our neighbour ABDULMALIK, but can’t say my NICKNAME *rolling eyes*. Sometimes, when he is repeatedly begging me for something, chorusing my sister’s name, he has a mouth slip and says Luby. It’s like once in a blue moon typa thing. When he says my name, even if I didn’t want to do whatever he was requesting for, my heart just melts and I do it anyway. I told my sister in shaa Allah I’ll take him with me once I have my own home but my mum stopped me in my tracks with ‘Tafuta wako!’ 😀

Chenchen’s personality is more visible now. He is very much a loner. He doesn’t mind playing alone for hours on end. You’d see him silently playing with his favourite car toys or chorusing the car noises as he hears them on TV, with intervals of high and low intonations. He is very energetic and loooveees exploring. If you take him to an open field, khalas, that’s heaven for him. He can run back and forth and back and forth like he is training for a marathon. If you leave him outside alone he will most definitely go further away. Sand and water are his favourite things to play with. He can stay the whole day playing in a pile of sand and a small cup, literally bathing himself in it. The same with water. He could cry if you remove him from the bathroom before he has enough play with the water.

Chenchen can get really silent sometimes, and sometimes he is jumping up and down and running wild. Also, if you’re wondering, yes, he still throws stuff outside the window :/

Anywayssss, Halimi (my happy person 2) is soooo compassionate and kind and sensitive and cheerful, and I really love that about him. He’s the kind to randomly give you a hug or tell you ‘I love you’ or kiss you. He’s just the sweetest and most loving kid, Allahumma Bareek! He’s the one who always wants to give his mother company while she works. When he comes back from school, he is always so excited to see any of us. He’d shout any of our names with so much joy, you’d think he hadn’t seen us the same morning. There was a time they all went to my brother’s house for a holiday. After some days, the rest of the family joined them there. When Halimi saw us approaching us, he ran towards us shouting, ‘UH! MY PEOPLE! MY PEOPLE ARE HERE!’ I could cry talking about how warm and beautiful his soul is. Whenever I see how he gets super enthusiastic about the smallest things, in my heart I pray that Allah protects his soul and that this world never takes away this gift from him.

Last Ramadhan we taught them the concept of dua and writing dua lists and so Halimi and Hassan (Happy person 1) started creating their own duas and sometimes writing letters to Allah which mostly consisted requests for toys and toys and more toys. Several months later, Halimi came to me one night, requesting for a paper and pen. He was visibly sleepy but he insisted he wanted to draw. So I gave him what he needed and to my pleasant surprise, he had drawn a toy phone and police car then wrote a letter to Allah requesting for the two. My heart melted. I did not expect that months later, he’d still remember that and even though he was pressed with sleep, he still wanted to communicate with Allah *happy teary eyes*. May Allah guide them and protect them and make them among His most beloved servants, ameen.

Halimi is also the reader and creative in the house, which of course makes me love him more. Whenever he comes across a book he’ll be curious and try reading it even when it is beyond his age. He also loves drawing and colouring and mashallah he is good at it too! He’s such a sensitive boy so you CANNOT make him cry. Because he doesn’t simply cry. HE WAILS! The entire neighbourhood will hear his screams and assume the worst.

The two older boys are at the curiosity phase where they ask very many simple yet difficult questions. Hassan especially is very inquisitive. Both he and Halimi would out of the blue ask, ‘When are we going to Allah? Where is Allah? Does Allah pray? Is Allah boy or girl? Where is Jannah? Can we go to Jannah then we come back?’ Just this month, as he (Hassan) was turning 8, he asked his grandmother, ‘How many years remaining then we go to Jannah?’ Hahaha. Another time he randomly said he doesn’t want to go to hellfire. Another time he said he doesn’t want to go to shaytan. There was a time he was so tired and sleepy but he hadn’t prayed ishaa yet. So he started getting teary saying he doesn’t want to go to hellfire because he has been taught after 7 years a child should pray all prayers miskeen. He takes his prayers very seriously and we love that for him 😀

They recently started being given chances at the masjid to do iqamah and they are always so excited about it, especially Halimi. They would race to the masjid and whoever gets there first does the iqamah, but Halimi would cry whenever defeated and Hassan, being the responsible, thoughtful elder brother, let’s him do it any way 😀

Hassan still loves maths and he is your typical first born. Sharp, caring, responsible and very thoughtful of his younger siblings. He’s also become a master in solving rubric cube after many many attempts. At the beginning, because he couldn’t solve it, he used to remove all the individual cubes then return them one by one in the order of the colours just so that he can proudly say he did it 😀 Thereafter, my sister started watching YouTube tutorials with him until he learnt how to do it better than my sister! He’s our little genius, Allahumma bareek.

But nooow, we have a new squad member who started living with us. My niece Mima is very pretty mashallah and very naughty. She is very sweet and loving and affectionate. You should hear her talk about her mummy and daddy, like the proudest child in the world. She is especially very very attached to her father. You should see her excitement when she sees him, and how much she cries when he leaves her behind, ‘DADDDYYYYY! I WANT MY DADDDYYY!’.

Mima loves freely and deeply and never shies off from expressing her emotions. When introducing herself she says ‘Mima pwinshesh’ while smiling cutely. Her smile can melt your heart but you cannot let that deceive you! 😀 Mima is like Masha from ‘Masha and the Bear’. Her teachers cannot tame her either and any attempt to do so brings out the sensitive, cry baby in her. Talk of ‘terrible twos’ extending to three, four years now 😀

Granted, she began school a few months before she officially turned four, but to date, both her school and madrasa teachers always have a lot to say about her 😀 We understand though; she’s young. As they say, ‘Akikua ataacha’ (or so we hope! 😀 )

Halimi is her best friend. Those two, are partners in crime. They’ll intentionally do what you specifically asked them not to, just so they can push your buttons while they have smug smiles on their faces. Kids really know how to get on your nerves and drive you crazy, but when they are absent, you still miss them somehow. Her and Chenchen on the other hand, are frenemies. One minute (most of the times) they are fighting over toys or food, the next minute Chenchen is shouting, ‘Let’s go Mima. Let’s play!’ or hanging on the grills of the window (even after you’ve told them 648765487 times not to do so!)

Regardless of all that, Mima loves to help around and to be involved. She’ll throw the pillows down with the boys but she doesn’t mind returning them at their rightful place. When the older boys are sent to the shop, she wants to join too. Plus she’s the only one among them who stays with their toys intact for more than two days (boys will always be boys!)

I’m writing this because I miss them all so much. They’ve all gone for holidays to their families and the house feels empty, and kinda boring (except for the part where we can sleep with no disturbances 😀 ). I’m already here nagging their mother to start preparing for January school opening like I am mother hen. But then it is no secret that I am THAT mother (in shaa Allah). The one to prepare breakfast items the night before so there is no morning rush 😀 Spoiler Alert: There’s ALWAYS morning chaos! SMH 😀

Anyways, may Allah protect my babies and make them kind, brilliant and pious Ya Rab. Please do pray for their guidance 🙂

*

P.S: Don’t forget to pray for Palestine, Sudan, Lebanon, Congo and all the countries undergoing oppression.

Thank you for reading! Kindly do subscribe below to keep up with my latest blogs 🙂

Devastating. Shocking. Agonizing.

We are witnessing a genocide live on our screens. An ethnic cleansing. Another nakba.

Shouldn’t the world pause?! Shouldn’t we all drop everything in our hands and DO something?! Shouldn’t we all be ENRAGED?! How are we able to enjoy life like a massacre isn’t taking place? How are some people okay with this?! Are people blind? Aren’t they seeing what we’re seeing?!

A brutal occupation. Living in an open prison. Bombing after bombing. Chemical weapons such as white phosphorus being artillery-fired. Flattening of entire neighbourhoods. Entire lineages are being wiped out. Severe starvation. Children writing their names on their palms so they can be identified if they die. Lifeless bodies lying across the streets. Rubble everywhere. Ice cream trucks being used to store dead bodies. Parents swapping children so that someone in their families survive. Women having their full hijab on all the time in case they get killed at any moment. An impossible evacuation of 1.2 million people. Constant terror. Constant death. Constant grief, that mind you, the Palestinians don’t even get to process because they need to educate and show proof of their suffering every.single.time. Yet some people still deny it!

How can we stay sane while feeling the most helpless ever?

This is how a society goes down the drain really quickly. First, we overlook evil. Then we permit evil. Then we legalize evil. Then we promote evil. Then we celebrate evil. Then we persecute those who still call it evil.

@truth.to.the.rescue on IG

Indeed Palestine will always be a sore wound for humanity until they acquire their freedom, rights and their land. And in that is a lot for us to ponder on.

1. The pen has been lifted and the ink has dried: Part of our faith as Muslims is the belief that everything is destined by Allah through His all-encompassing knowledge and wisdom. That includes all the good that happens to us but also, all the seemingly bad that happens to us. What is happening in Palestine right now is a huge test, not just for the people of Palestine, but for us too! How firm is our faith? How will we stand with our brothers and sisters in their struggle? How will we act as we watch all these devastating horrors in front of our eyes? WHAT WILL WE DO ABOUT IT?! So despite the pain and helplessness we immensely feel for the Palestinians or any other suffering nation, let us not forget that Allah is still and always in control. That HE knows of the oppression taking place. That He has a plan. That He knows what He is doing. That victory will indefinitely come for the Palestinians, and that we should trust HIM.

And We warned the Children of Israel in the Scripture, “You will certainly cause corruption in the land twice, and you will become extremely arrogant.

Suratul Israa, Verse 4

On the authority of Abu Abbas Abdullah bin Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: One day I was behind the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) [riding on the same mount] and he said, “O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice]: Be mindful of Allah and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, then ask Allah [alone]; and if you seek help, then seek help from Allah [alone]. And know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already prescribed against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.”

In another narration, the hadith reads: “Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. Recognize and acknowledge Allah in times of ease and prosperity, and He will remember you in times of adversity. And know that what has passed you by [and you have failed to attain] was not going to befall you, and what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. AND KNOW THAT VICTORY COMES WITH PATIENCE, RELIEF WITH AFFLICTION, AND HARDSHIP WITH EASE.” (Hadith 19, 40 Hadith an-Nawawi)

So even as we shed tears and our hearts ache for our brothers and sisters (rightfully so), let us not forget that Allah, in His wisdom, allowed it to happen. The people who’ve been martyred were meant to be martyred. Those who are getting injured have been destined to get those injuries. Those whose houses were bombed, were meant to lose their homes. Those lineages that have been wiped out, that is what was destined for them. Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa’ala. Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does. And in Him we should always fully trust.

2. This dunya is nothing but a test.

أَحَسِبَ ٱلنَّاسُ أَن يُتۡرَكُوٓاْ أَن يَقُولُوٓاْ ءَامَنَّا وَهُمۡ لَا يُفۡتَنُونَ

وَلَقَدۡ فَتَنَّا ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبۡلِهِمۡۖ فَلَيَعۡلَمَنَّ ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِينَ صَدَقُواْ وَلَيَعۡلَمَنَّ ٱلۡكَٰذِبِينَ

أَمۡ حَسِبَ ٱلَّذِينَ يَعۡمَلُونَ ٱلسَّيِّـَٔاتِ أَن يَسۡبِقُونَاۚ سَآءَ مَا يَحۡكُمُونَ

“Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test?

We certainly tested those before them. And ˹in this way˺ Allah will clearly distinguish between those who are truthful and those who are liars.

Or do the evildoers ˹simply˺ think that they will escape Us? How wrong is their judgment!”

Surat Al Ankabut, Verse 2-4

Allah Subhanahu Wataala did warn us that we’ll be tested, our faith will be tested in all kinds of ways; earthquakes, bloodshed, hunger, floods, death and more. Each one of us is tested in a different way in this world, and this is how Allah separates those who are truthful in His way and those who are not. And on the day of judgment, each one of us will be rewarded according to how lived our lives on this earth. That includes the oppressors who will have to face Allah Subhanahu Wataala and taste the heavy consequences of their actions.

Do you think you will be admitted into Paradise without being tested like those before you? They were afflicted with suffering and adversity and were so ˹violently˺ shaken that ˹even˺ the Messenger and the believers with him cried out, “When will Allah’s help come?” Indeed, Allah’s help is ˹always˺ near.

Suratul Baqarah, Verse 214

The prophets were severely tested. The pious predecessors were severely tested. And Allah Subhanahu Wataala decreed this specific test for this specific group of people. We shouldn’t ask why or why them? Allah already promised us that He wouldn’t burden a soul more than they can bear. So for HIM to choose THEM for THIS TEST, it is because He knows how brave they are. How courageous they are. How unshakeable their faith is. How despite the terror, anger, angst, sadness, pain, hunger, they can still smile and say Alhamdulilah and make sijdatul shukr and make jokes and show gratitude and compassion everyday. Truthfully, they are the strongest warriors we’ve ever come across; all of them! From their men to their women to the children to their elderly! We probably would have died of fear and panic if we experienced what they go through in just one day.

Those who were warned, “Your enemies have mobilized their forces against you, so fear them,” the warning only made them grow stronger in faith and they replied, “Allah ˹alone˺ is sufficient ˹as an aid˺ for us and ˹He˺ is the best Protector.” So they returned with Allah’s favours and grace, suffering no harm. For they sought to please Allah. And surely Allah is ˹the˺ Lord of infinite bounty.

Surat Al Imran, Verse 173-174

3. These people are indeed very, very special. Here’s why:

It was narrated from Mus’ab bin Sa’d that his father, Sa’d bin Abu Waqqas, said: “I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, which people are most severely tested?’ He said: ‘The Prophets, then the next best and the next best. A person is tested according to his religious commitment. If he is steadfast in his religious commitment, he will be tested more severely, and if he is frail in his religious commitment, his test will be according to his commitment. Trials will continue to afflict a person until they leave him walking on the earth with no sin on him.’”

I came across an image that said, ‘There is no substitute for Palestine except paradise’ and truly, that is what awaits them biidhnillah. The individuals being killed in Palestine are considered martyrs as proven in a hadith of the prophet peace be upon him, ‘Whoever is killed protecting his wealth, he is a martyr. Whoever is killed protecting his family, he is a martyr. Whoever is killed protecting his religion, he is a martyr. Whoever is killed protecting himself, he is a martyr.'” (Sunan an-Nasa’i 4095) And do you know what’s the reward for the martyrs? Allah Subhanahu Wataala says in Surat An Nisaa, verse 69 and 70: “And he who obeys Allah and the Messenger -they shall be with those whom Allah has favoured -the Prophets, those steadfast in truthfulness, the martyrs, and the righteous.” How excellent will they be for companions! That is a bounty from Allah, and Allah suffices to know the truth.” Subhanallah, indeed what awaits them is beyond our comprehension.

Never think of those martyred in the cause of Allah as dead. In fact, they are alive with their Lord, well provided for—rejoicing in Allah’s bounties and being delighted for those yet to join them. There will be no fear for them, nor will they grieve.

Surat Al Imran, Verse 169-170

4. Allah is Al-Baseer (The All-Seeing): The All-Noticing, The One who Sees all things that are seen by His Eternal Seeing without a pupil or any other instrument.

As-Samee(The All-Hearer): The One who Hears all things that are heard by His Eternal Hearing without an ear, instrument or organ.

Al-Muntaqim (The Retaliator): The One who victoriously prevails over His enemies and punishes them for their sins. Allah is most patient, but the time will come when justice must be given. 

Al-Muqsit (The Just One): The Equitable, The One who is Just in His judgment.

Do not think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them until a Day when ˹their˺ eyes will stare in horror—rushing forth, heads raised, never blinking, hearts void.

Surat Ibrahim, Verse 42-43

Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are three whose du’aa’ is not rejected: a just ruler, the fasting person when he breaks his fast and the prayer of the oppressed person. It rises above the clouds and the gates of heaven are opened for it, and the Lord, may He be glorified, says, ‘By My Glory I will answer you even if it is after a while.’” (Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 2050.) 

Indeed Allah can hear the cries of the people of Palestine, He can see their pain and He definitely hears their duas. Allah will definitely come through for them, it is just a matter of time.

5. There is a post I wrote a few weeks back on my Instagram on patience that is also very, very relevant to this scenario and to our brothers and sisters in Palestine and other oppressed countries:

Whenever this dunya becomes heavy on the chest, I always ponder on this ayah:
 إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى الصَّابِرُونَ أَجْرَهُمْ بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ
“Certainly those who observe patience will be given their reward in full without measure.”
And it fills my heart with awe in anticipation for what Allah has in store for us. Can you imagine? The Lord of the seven heavens, the seven earth, every single creature and non-living thing in this world, is promising a reward without measure. Without limit. A Lord who is the Most Generous, Most kind, what do you think He has prepared for us? What exactly does ‘No Limit’ mean for HIM? Definitely something beyond our human mind’s comprehension.

Think of this man for example:The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “I know the person who will be the last to come out of the (Hell) Fire, and the last to enter Paradise. He will be a man who will come out of the (Hell) Fire crawling, and Allah will say to him, ‘Go and enter Paradise.’ He will go to it, but he will imagine that it had been filled, and then he will return and say, ‘O Lord, I have found it full.’ Allah will say, ‘Go and enter Paradise, and you will have what equals the world and ten times as much (or, you will have as much as ten times the like of the world).’ On that, the man will say, ‘Do you mock at me (or laugh at me) though You are the King?” I saw Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) (while saying that) smiling that his premolar teeth became visible. It is said that will be the lowest in degree amongst the people of Paradise. (Sahih al-Bukhari 6571) 

Subhanallah, if this is what the last person to enter Jannah is given, what more should we hope and expect from our Rab? How much more merciful, loving, generous is He?

Jabir narrated that the Prophet (s.a.w) said: “On the Day of Judgement, when the people who were tried (in this world) are given their rewards, the people who were pardoned (in life), will wish that their skins had been cut off with scissors while they were in the world.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2402)

So bear a little more, dear believer. Whatever you’re battling through silently;
فصبر جميل والله المستعان
“So patience is most fitting. And Allah is the one sought for help.” 

These are very trying times for the people of Palestine but the reward they will get from Allah will make us envy them. At the very least, they know they have reserved spots in Jannah biidhnillah. We don’t. May Allah grant us all the highest levels of Jannah, ameen.

As Muslims, as human beings, we have an obligation towards those in Palestine. We must be outraged by what is happening to them. We must speak up. We must create awareness and educate the masses about the history of Palestine and the oppression taking place. We must teach our young ones about Al Aqsa and its rich history to the Muslims and why it is so important to us (Can check out this video for that: Palestine ). We must use all our platforms to share their stories, and their dreams, and their cries, and their culture. We must boycott Israeli products. We should never allow people to think of Palestinians as just numbers. These are human beings, and they desperately need to be treated as such! Never underestimate the power of coming together and being a voice for the voiceless. We must never get tired, we must not lose hope. Alhamdulilah we are very, very privileged to be able to even put our phones away when we feel overwhelmed by their news and videos. They however have been experiencing this terror throughout their lives! We thus must never get tired!

Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “You see the believers as regards their being merciful among themselves and showing love among themselves and being kind, resembling one body, so that, if any part of the body is not well then the whole body shares the sleeplessness (insomnia) and fever with it.

Sahih al-Bukhari 6011

Most importantly, we must make constant and sincere duas for them. Let’s wake up even for one night and pray tahajjud and cry to Allah about them. Let’s remember that dua can change qadr, and perhaps it is through our frequent duas for them that Allah grants them victory sooner. Do not for one moment underestimate the power of dua, or Allah’s power to change everything in just ONE INSTANCE. Let’s thank Allah for the blessings of life, food, water, clothing, roof and family. Let us seek Allah’s forgiveness for our shortcomings and our ingratitude. Let us seek refuge in Allah. Let us not stop praying for them!

Additionally, let’s sacrifice what we have, however little, and donate it to them. It doesn’t matter how little you think it is. The People in Gaza are starving, lack medical aid, lack water…they basically have nothing. So I kindly urge you to sacrifice what you have and biidhnillah, in the hereafter, they will mention our names as those who stood by their side.

Here are some ways you can donate to the people of Gaza and Palestine:

A few months back, just countable days before Ramadhan, my mum called me excitedly to show me a very moving story of a Pakistani woman in Tanzania being fundraised for. The project attracted so many donors around the globe that the fundraisers (a TV station) could buy a piece of land and build a house for her and her children (one of them is physically challenged). My mum’s first remark was, ‘Look! He does just like what you do! (fundraising projects)’. 

‘Not for houses though!’ I laughed.

‘This is a TV station so they have a wider reach, but maybe one day you will do something like this too.’

‘Maybe…in shaa Allah.’

That became the beginning of our daily following of this exciting show and specifically, this Pakistani woman’s story. My mother would eagerly wait for the next episode so that we’d watch it together. To say it was inspiring is an understatement. Her life was changing COMPLETELY, and for the better; a true miracle was unfolding. As the building process went on, my mother would often reminisce about her younger years when she and my father were entrusted to do such projects to build mosques and wells and even houses alhamdulilah. Little did we know what lay ahead…

*

It was just a few days after Eidul Hajj when a friend whom I deeply admire for her dedication to her Qur’an memorization journey, reached out to me about their mud house that was gradually collapsing. All they were asking for was a loan so that they could restore their house. At the time, there were heavy rains all over Kilifi County and the imagination of how anyone could be living in such a condition truly broke my heart. 

I mentioned the situation to someone I know who knows my friend’s neighbourhood, and was shocked! She asked, “You mean there are people living in that house?! I’ve always passed that same route to go to work and the house is in a very, very bad state. I never thought someone could even live in it!”

I felt helpless. And sad. And every time it rained outside my window, my heart ached a bit more. I had never done a project of this magnitude. Sometimes my projects take looong in such a demoralizing way. What if I start something, give them false hope then get stuck halfway? Still unsure of what to do, I decided to put up a post calling out to anyone or any organization to assist the family.

One of the first people to reach out to me was an ex-uni mate, and when he was asking for details about the house, I offered to give him my friend’s mum’s contact. He advised me then that it is best if I took the lead role in the project in order to efficiently manage the situation. I agreed, albeit reluctantly and decided to put up information for the opening of the fundraising. Before I even did that, someone from Twitter responded to my initial post and sent 100k. I was stunned. How?! A total stranger who didn’t even put me through an extended ‘interrogation’ as most donors do (I know I know, the world is full of scammers lol) So people can trust me with this? I got an immediate motivation boost subhanallah.

Right away, I called an architect/contractor to make a sketch of a new brick house. At the time, I knew a brick house would be way more expensive but I was unstoppable 😀 The contractor came the same evening and showed me the cost of just a few materials. It was around 300k. I said, ‘We can do this!’ He said, ‘There is still a lot more. It could get to double.’ 

‘Yeah, but I believe Allah will bring a way. Let’s tawakkal.’

‘My concern is that we don’t know how the fundraising could go. We could demolish the house and start building but then get stuck, leaving the family stranded.’

Excitedly, I said, ‘Yeah I understand but let’s just start. I believe when people start seeing the work taking place, more donors will appear. They’ll be motivated to finish it.’

Both my parents were seated with me at the time and they both interjected, ‘Kujenga si mchezo (Construction is not that simple)…’ My dad said.

‘Huyu she’s just excited at the moment,’ my mum joined, ‘but let us see. Perhaps the donors will come through when we start the process.’

We wrapped up the brief sitting with the plan to start the demolishing of the house soonest. At the time, another good lady and friend, Dr Kulthum, had collected donations for the family that had totalled 48,980/= alhamdulilah. (May Allah bless her with goodness in both worlds!)

And so it began. The fundraising. The shifting of the family to a rental. The house demolishing and the construction thereafter. The money coming in. Offers to help from every corner. 

Whenever I talked to my friend’s family, I would tell them, ‘So I think this is only what we can do for now.’ But Subhanallah, money kept coming in and coming in. Friends. Family. Mutual friends. Total strangers. Long-term donors from previous projects. 

Every few days I’d tell them, ‘Okay I think you can move into your house after two days’ or ‘Just this one thing remaining and we’ll be done with this project’, ‘We don’t have money to do this right now, maybe you can save for it in the future’ and someone would send me money out of nowhere. In the early stages of the fundraising, there was a short period where the donations slowed down a bit, but subhanallah, once we picked up the pace again, we were unstoppable. At some point, I stopped asking for donations anymore because I didn’t even have to ask. There were three individuals who were very keen on the project and let me know repeatedly that I shouldn’t hesitate to reach out to them in case anything was needed. Three total strangers. Three angels from Allah. Two of them ended up donating over 200k (one of whom was the one who sent the first 100k), and one close to 200k. Then two sisters joined in, sending me money from their family and friends group from time to time also getting to 200k (or over, I can’t even remember anymore 😀 ) Then Artistic Hope Organization offered to do some of the work (Plastering the whole house, plumbing and electrical). Best of all were our consistent donors who despite giving smaller amounts, kept giving and giving from what Allah blessed them with, alhamdulilah!

And I kept thinking Subhanallah, Allah is showing us again and again, ‘Who are you to determine what is enough?’ And I told this to my mum and said, ‘Perhaps our vision is so low compared to what Allah wants to give them. We just want them to have a house, but perhaps Allah wants to give them a dream house. Perhaps they have a secret with Allah or perhaps they have been patient for so long that Allah is finally giving the long-awaited relief.’’ 

And so we kept making changes to our initial plan because we had to consider what can we do better for them (since there was more money). It wasn’t easy of course and the construction team was inconvenienced quite a few times, but alhamdulilah for their patience and dedication.

During the finishing stages, when only about three fundis were still working on site doing the ceiling, I sat with my friend at the front stairs of the newly built house feeling the cool breeze from the ocean.

“I need you to tell me the secret…” 

“Which secret?” She laughed.

“Which secret do you have with Allah? Because I’ve NEVER done a fundraising like this, and I’ve been doing fundraisings for almost a decade now. Never …Subhanallah. This is the FIRST TIME EVER that I don’t literally have to beg people to donate. You have seen it yourself! And now,  people are racing to help your family mashallah Allah ybarik. What’s the story? Or what dua have you been making so we copy your method?” I laughed.

‘“Aren’t you the one who tells us to have secrets with Allah?” She chuckled, referring to the nasheed I love and frequently share by Mishary Al Afasy (Do you have secrets with Allah).

“Hahaha, okay but this secret you have to tell me. There must be a story behind it; a story that I and everyone who’s donated can benefit from. Because wallahy, this, for me, is a miracle. I’ve never seen this Subhanallah.”

With tears in her eyes, she said Alhamdulilah. Then went on to say, ‘It’s been dua, a lot of dua…’ Then started narrating their story to me.

Around 6 years back, my friend and her family lived on the outskirts of Mombasa town. However, their mother got divorced and because she was a simple housewife, she was unable to sustain the town life. She decided to come back to her father’s home in the remote areas of Kilifi. For them, it was a huge and TOUGH adjustment. From town life, they now moved to an old mud house. No electricity. No water. The bathroom is outside. The bushes became the toilet. As a jilbabi and niqabi, you can imagine the struggle of taking a bath in a space that is only covered with mabati and leso; almost an exposed space (especially since the mabati had holes only covered with nylon). They would share a bed that didn’t even have a mattress. 

“I would walk 45 minutes to the stage every morning to go to university and another 45 every evening. It got so tiring, I started living with a relative in Mombasa. But she was verbally aggressive. And I would be patient until when I’d feel my heart is too tired I can’t take it anymore, is when I would come back to Kilifi and continue commuting daily. Then when I’d get tired of commuting I’d go back to my relative…like that…”

This was a family that was once at the upper middle class- with water in the house, electricity and stability of a home. Their life turned upside down. But their patience was yet to be tested even more.

With each heavy rain, the mud house developed more and more cracks. At the same time, the neighbourhood was gaining some development. Slowly, the neighbours around started building brick houses in place of their mud houses one by one. Then when the government launched the token metres, homes got the token devices for free. So soon enough, the neighbourhood was bright with lights. Except this one house. Because of its dire state, and despite having the token metre, it was a risk for them to connect electricity since the house was clearly collapsing. Eventually, KPLC uninstalled the service line just for the safety of the family.

The neighbours started making fun of them and their house. When my friend would go to the shop she’d hear people joke, ‘Waschana warembo lakini nyumba ya kuanguka’. When their youngest brother would come home from school, his schoolmates would laugh loudly, calling out his name, pointing at the collapsing house and saying, ‘Hii ndio nyumba yenu!’ They were all so humiliated, so ashamed that they’d avoid going to the shops or even outside except when necessary.

Now the neighbours, who were now of a better living standard, used to gather in the evening. The women around would lay down their mikeka to chit chat (spell ‘gossip’) and because my friend and her mother were against such behaviour and wouldn’t join them, they became even more secluded. The neighbours barely ever had a good word for them, instead, they were the ones mocking and humiliating them at every opportunity. And as known in Swahili culture, they would ‘walisha vijembe’ by blasting out taarab music with insults, clearly directed at them.

“Si siri wajulikana wewe

Hauna sifa za kike wewe

Una nongwa we jeuri wewe

Mambo nare nare

Niko nae mimi sare

Usilete hare hare

Utakuja kufa bure….

Nnavokujua sio mwanamke wewe

Unajitwaza si mwanamke wewe

Unachechemesha si mwanamke wewe

Umejiangusha cheo kujishusha

Sasa unapasha mpasha upashike

Heshima uweke

Heshima uweke…

Wakati wa mwengine huu

Si wakati wako huu

Wakati wa mwengine huu

Si wakati wako huu

Mambo nare nare du

Umewekwa kando du

Unachekwa sasa du

Unachekwa sasa du…”

(Rough lyrics)

At the time, it was raining heavily outside, the house is leaking all over…mother and daughter are hiding in their collapsing house; humiliated and heartbroken; calling out to Allah…during the best ten days of Dhulhijjah. Crying to Him out of helplessness and pain.

“I always wanted to be the one to build this house for my mother,” my friend said. “I had a part-time job and was trying to save slowly so that we could renovate the house. But life was so tough, especially as the firstborn..it was always hand to mouth. Then corona happened and I lost my job. That dream faded. I felt so helpless. So I returned to Allah and begged Him that I cannot do this myself, only He can…and I prayed that He brings me a halal and kheyr means for this house to be built. I prayed so much during Arafah as well. But since we came here, we’ve always been praying for relief. Then I contacted you after Eid asking for help and what happened happened…”

Goosebumps. Literal goosebumps. Tears in her eyes. Tears in my eyes as I write this. Subhanallah. Subhanallah. Look at Allah’s Power. His kindness. His mercy. How He can change one’s condition JUST.LIKE.THAT!!! How He responds to duas. How He rewards for patience. How He hears how others are mistreating you and will grant you comfort. Indeed, with hardship comes ease, ALLAHU AKBAR!

Now, from the very beginning of the project, we really desired that the family gets electricity in the house. However, we kept getting obstacles until finally, we opted for M-solar (lipa mdogo mdogo solar program) alhamdulilah.

So on Thursday evening, the family officially moved into their house. And as they were settling in, there happened a blackout in the entire town. Literally! There was darkness at every corner of the town except ONE HOUSE. Only this one house that was always being mocked. Only this one house that was always looked down upon. Only this one house that was once the symbol of extreme poverty. Subhanallah! And so while the whole town drowned in darkness, Allah illuminated His light on just this one house. Coincidence? Could never be! Here was Allah, showing the people His Might and Power to change circumstances. A moral lesson they’ll never forget!

And all this is clear proof that Allah’s promise is true when He said: “Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Sabirun (the patient).” [al-Anfal 8:46]

And again: “If anything good happens to you they are grieved; if any misfortune befalls you they rejoice at it. But if you remain steadfast and mindful of Allah their designs will not cause you harm. Allah surely encompasses all that they do.” [Al ‘Imran 3:120]

Now standing very tall, is the only fully-plastered, painted house with solar power in the neighbourhood, Allah ybarik!

This is our good Lord. ALLAHU AKBAR!

Here’s what it’s all about:

A believer’s patience.

The power of dua.

The reward of patience.

The power of Allah.

The justice of Allah.

The miracle of Allah.

The miracle house!

“And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He ˹alone˺ is sufficient for them. Certainly Allah achieves His Will. Allah has already set a destiny for everything.”

[At-Talaq: 2-3]

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Sincere gratitude to EACH AND EVERY ONE of you for being part of this amazing project. Regardless of what amount you donated or whether you shared the posts only, YOU DID THIS! You raised KSHS 1, 018, 093.50. YOU BUILT THIS HOUSE! In just a matter of 41 days, we managed to raise money AND build a 4-bedroom house with a separate bathroom, toilet and kitchen. ALLAHU AKBAR! May Allah bless you and your families with lofty gardens and palaces in Jannat ul Firdaus, ameen!

Special thanks to both our contractor and his construction team and the Artistic Hope Organization team for the amazing work they did to the house. And for their patience throughout the challenges. May Allah bless the work of your hands and raise your status in Jannah.

And to my dearest family and closest friends who gave me so much support, both physically and emotionally throughout this project(my biggest one yet!)  and for being patient with me when I was crying or getting very irritable at every small inconvenience 😀 Alhamdulilah thumma alhamdulilah.

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When I posted the last video update showing the house, I showed it to my parents first. Both of them cried, and they kept replaying the video over and over and over, tears still streaming from their eyes. I wish y’all could have seen how my mother was now excitedly waiting for my daily updates on the construction project more than she was when we were watching that program. But better than all that is that this entire project was mainly under their guidance, alhamdulilah!!

Just a few days before the completion of the project, as I was laying down in bed looking at the house standing, my mother patted my hair and said, “Finally you’ve come into our line (of projects). You’re truly my daughter.” Urgh. My heart. For them to have witnessed and actively guided and supported me throughout this project is a full circle for me. Alhamdulilah! May Allah grant us all sincerity in what we do Ya Rab!

My only request is that when you see any goodness in my very flawed being, please make dua for my 3 parents (one is deceased, Allah yirhamha) to be granted good health and wellness both in this life and the next, and that they enter Jannatul Firdaus without hisab, for they have been my inspiration always and my biggest supporters alhamdulilah!

If I started blogging early 2014, should I mark this year as ‘9 years as a blogger’ or should I count it as my 10th year as a blogger? Like, do I count 2023 minus 2014 or do I count 2014, 2015, 2016…to 2023? Or is it all the same thing, just different ways of saying it? Lol yeah right, Maths still is a nightmare. I had to ask three people to confirm that this is my 10th year 😀 Mathematicians, pardon my ignorance but at this point I just need divined intervention 😀

Anywayyyss, this is the 10th year good peopleee! Can you believe it?! It’s been a journey and a half alhamdulilah. Many of you have accompanied me from the very start when I was using Blogspot (old college days!) before migrating to this website. You’ve watched me grow and evolve. You’ve watched my voice and writing style become more distinct over the years. You’ve laughed with me, smiled with me, cried with me, grieved with me, thought with me and watched those thoughts change over time too. You’ve become part of my family, sharing the small and large moments with me. Many of you were there when the blog was nominated by BAKE (Bloggers Association of Kenya) to be among the top 5 creative writing blogs alhamdulilah. You’ve witnessed the blog evolve too; from writing silly moments about my anxiety, Mombasa weddings, exorcism- the Mombasa version, literally having those nightmares about maths lol, my interesting thoughts while walking under-the-bridge tunnel at Buxton, my rejections and work failures, frustrations at the public offices, letters to my better half (my priorities have realllyyy changed by the way 😀 ), World cup and Olympics thrills, my happy people (more to come on this in shaa Allah 😀 ), my beloved family, my weak attempt at writing about travel (I just haven’t gotten to travel moreee) to the more serious topics on mental health, loss and grief, spirituality, and life lessons as the years go by. Alhamdulilah, alhamdulilah!

It has always been intentional for me to make the blog as diverse as possible so that anyone who opens my blog can find something relatable. And it is my hope that more people will continue to find laughter, benefit, inspiration, enjoyment and comfort in this website.

Many of you have supported me endlessly and unconditionally; you’ve read my work, shared it with your networks, given me feedback and positive critique, subscribed to the website and had firm faith in me even when I was going through long periods of writer’s block. I’ve had the honour of interacting with several of you, one on one, and you’ve helped me immensely over the years by giving suggestions, sharing ideas, sharing your own life stories and lessons, discussing life, joking about life moments, and letting me know that my work is being read and enjoyed. We’ve pretty much done life together-stumbling through it all and making our way towards growth. 

Over the years, we were also graced by different amazing and very talented writers who wrote as guests on this blog. Their witty, funny and interesting contributions spiced up this space even more.

For all this, I am deeply, deeply grateful. I have never and will never take this for granted. It is by Allah’s mercy and tawfiq and your support that keeps me going and motivating me to never give up on my dream as a writer.

As we mark this 10th year, I have two announcements to make:

First of all, to commemorate this milestone, I will hold a FREE online blogging workshop on the 28th of January, (2 p.m. onwards) to train 10 aspiring bloggers in shaa Allah. For anyone who is interested, kindly email me at info@lubnah.me.ke. (First come, First serve!)

Secondly, I’d love to invite you all to support me further in this journey. I am introducing a patronage program for the blog where readers can chip in and support in the growth and content creation of this website. There won’t be a standard fee (Don’t worry I am not pulling CBK’s bank to Mpesa charges sort of thing, albeit their failed attempt 😀 ) but rather it will be an open invitation for anyone to give whatever they feel, at whatever time is convenient. One can contribute weekly, monthly, whenever a blog is posted or whenever one feels generous 😀 Any amount is most welcome too! This will assist me to grow this website further, do more content creation, research and maybe even conduct more writing trainings!

If the blog has ever been relatable, a source of joy, smiles & laughter, comfort, inspiration, enlightenment, and made you feel heard and seen, then I’ll really appreciate your support.

Before I share the patronage details, here’s a reminder that my books are also available for purchase:

Reflection & Resurgence: A Believer’s Journey to Allah @ 1500/= (With Ramadhan approaching, here’s a book to consider for the spiritual month)

A Fire Within & Other Stories (by a couple of African writers that includes my short story) @ 950/=

Threads and Faces (by a couple of African writers that includes my poem) @ 650/=

Saida and The Eid Dress @ 230/=

For anyone interested to purchase, kindly text me at 0704 731 560

For your faith this far, I am beyond touched. May God bless each one of you immensely and for the support you grant me, may God bring you forth good people to support your dreams as well.

Below are the details on how to become a patron for our blog. Thank you once again. May your unwavering support be worth the while always, ameen!

As an empath and a deeply sensitive person, I spent most of my years caring for others to the point of codependency. I always sought to help, assist and take care of others, entangling myself in deep attachments that were not always healthy and that sometimes made me lose myself. As years went by, I learnt the very hard way that human beings will disappoint you deeply-whether intentionally or otherwise. They definitely will. This is because, at the end of the day, we’re humans- we’re flawed by nature. We all make mistakes and sometimes, you and I will be on the receiving end of these wrongs.

Some people will use you and then abandon you, some will betray you, and some will hurt you in unimaginable ways even if they weren’t out to do so from the start. And I came to realize much later on that the reason I always ended up hurt in my relationships with others, was because of my deep attachment to them.

I put my people on a pedestal and had such high expectations of them because, in my view, I would do the same for them, and much much more. I made them my objects of admiration and sometimes obsession, blinding myself from the fact that you cannot own another human being, regardless of how much you do for them or what they mean to you.

At the end of the day, each one of us has our own story, struggles, flaws, baggage, expectations and goals. And however much we pour into other people, they are not obliged to do the same for us. It is true that in our religion, love and brotherhood are highly promoted, yet the reality is, how many people sincerely care about those around them?

When we attach our happiness and fulfilment to worldly things and mortals then it is a recipe for pain. We shall keep pursuing it-whether it is the love of human beings, or their approval, wealth, status, or fame- it will never fill us. Instead, we will become slaves to these attachments.

“Anyone whose heart is attached to the creation, hoping for someone from the creation to help him or provide for him or guide him, then his heart submits to them and (according) to the degree that his heart submits to them, he becomes their slave. This holds true, even if he is outwardly a ruler or guardian over those whom he treats as masters. The wise one looks at realities and not at appearances. So if a man’s heart is attached to his wife, even though that is permissible, his heart remains a prisoner to her and she may rule over him as she pleases – though outwardly he is her master and her husband. In reality, he is her prisoner and her slave, especially if she knows how much he is in need of her and how much he is in love with her and how much he feels she cannot be replaced by anyone else. At that point, she rules over him as the tyrant master rules over his subjugated slave, who cannot escape or go free. Indeed for the heart to be taken as a prisoner is a much greater matter than for the body to be taken as a slave or prisoner. Even a body that is a slave can have in it a serene and peaceful and happy heart. As for the heart that is a slave to other than Allah (the Exalted), then that is true humiliation, imprisonment and slavery.”

-Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah

An older sister in Islam that I really look up to sat me down the other day and told me her story of being deeply betrayed by her very best friend of about twenty years, and then went on to say, “You’re naturally a giver and I see how you care about other people and how you go extra lengths for them…I of course do not want to discourage you from helping others and being there for them, I just want you to be careful about how much you give of yourself. We do want that genuine, amazing sisterhood, but beware, this is not the world for it. This is not the place to lay out your entire heart for people. We can hope for that in Jannah in shaa Allah. As for now, know your limits. Don’t go above and beyond for people at the detriment of yourself.”

I have been sitting with her statements to date and I ponder a lot about them. Reflecting on my past and how my deep attachments to people mostly brought me extreme pain and disappointment, it totally makes sense. The life of Dunya has no value in the long run, except for what we shall have prepared for the next life. And perhaps it is high time we accepted that we can never truly find fulfilment in this life through other creations. It is only by our relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wataala.

This reminds me of something I read a while back, quoted from Ibn Al Qayyim Al Jawziya Rahimahullah: 

“If a heart becomes attached to anything other than Allah, Allah makes him dependent on what he is attached to. And he will be betrayed by it.”

The pain, grief and heartbreak we experience from our objects of attachment are meant to remind us that Allah alone is the One we can fully rely on, have high expectations on, and trust completely. It is comforting to know that regardless of what happens, or how much we falter, He will always be merciful to us. Always awaiting our return. The hurt is meant to return us to Allah, the only One who will never fail us.

Even as I continue to unlearn so many things in my life, I realize I cannot do this without the help of Allah Subhanahu Wataala. I realize that I have no one but Allah to protect my soul from unhealthy attachments, from being blinded by love, and from holding onto what is not meant for me. He is the one who can fill the void inside my heart with peace and serenity regardless of who or what is in my life or the circumstances I am facing. I thus aim to have Allah as my very closest friend; the only one I know for sure will never hurt me and the only one I can lay bare to all my baggage and pain, without shame or fear.

Some of my favourite duas that I recite to seek Allah’s love, closeness, and protection are:

يارب إزرع في قلبي حبك، أشغلني بك وحدك، قربني إليك أكثر كي لا أبكي إلا من أجل شوقي لنور وجهك .. اللهم حُبك

My Lord, plant in my heart your love, occupy me with you alone, bring me closer to you so that I do not cry except for my longing for the light of your face. Ya Allah, your love…

‏اللهم إني أسألك حبك، وحب من يحبك، والعمل الذي يبلغني حبك، اللهم اجعل حبك أحب إلى من نفسي، وأهلي، ومن الماء البارد

O Allah! I ask You for Your Love, the love of those who love You, and deeds which will cause me to attain Your Love. O Allah! Make Your Love dearer to me than myself, my family and the cold water.

يا حي يا قيوم ، برحمتك أستغيث ، أصلح لي شأني كله ، ولا تكلني إلى نفسي طرفة عين

O Ever-Living, O Self-sustaining and All-sustaining, by Your mercy I seek help; rectify all my affairs and do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for the blink of an eye (i.e. a moment).

At the times when I am so overwhelmed by situations or other beings, and desperate to find peace in only Him, I keep my mouth wet with the short form of the first dua: 

اللهم أشغلني بك وحدك 

O Allah, occupy me with You alone i.e. Your worship and Your love.

May Allah strengthen our souls and Imaan. May He guide us to Him and make us among those who rely upon Him alone. May He grant us beautiful friendships, connections and relationships that will thrive both in this world and in Jannah. May He protect us from the unhealthy attachments of this world and the fitna and all the evil in it. May we always have the wisdom to only pursue His pleasure and love, Ameen.

You may read the second part of this article here.

I love this one; with his brown eyes, cute dimples, and not-fully formed disarranged teeth. I call him ‘Bundle of Joy’ because he was born in twenny twenny; the year we were all occupied at the supermarkets, with plastic containers on our heads, and almost coming to blows for the tissue papers and sanitizers (wiilddd times!). I needed him and maybe my vanity allows me to say he needed me too, for I was there to receive him from the moment he took his first breath. But mostly, if I am really honest, I love him because he loves me too, almost in an obsessive manner.

‘You got what you wanted didn’t you?’ My mum would often chorus it to me when I complain that he should give me a moment to breathe. As if to rub it on my face, she would repeat it again when he is holding the lower part of my dress with his tiny hands, following me from room to room, from corner to corner, until I get to the washroom and I stare at him. He stares back with a fake cry until I close the door on his face. He continues whining till I am out and we continue our tailing game. When I am out of his sight, he comes and throws the door to my room open, and walks in with vigor. And when the door is closed, he lays down flat on the floor outside like a typical spoilt brat, crying. Once he sees the door opening, he slowly gathers himself up and seizes to cry. Or when I ignore him, he throws himself to the floor, down on his knees before finally lying flat on the ground. You can see him summon his cry from the bottom of his heart, his hand on his forehead and I roll my eyes ‘Drama king!’ Sigh. Is this how tough motherhood is?

They say the third’s time is always a charm. Indeed. How else did I deserve this love? I, who used to fight for Hassan and Halimi’s affection endlessly?! (Tough times y’all!) And suddenly I am receiving this profound love on a silver platter. Hassun (somehow all their nicknames start with H) comes to my room every morning blabbering and with a big smile, ready to terrorize the room, sometimes throwing anything he gets hold of out of the window. This makes me grab him and leave the room together. We sit in the sitting room and he cuddles up on my chest or other times on my lap, occasionally looking up to my face as we watch ‘Omar and Hana’ or ‘Dave and Ava’. He smiles often and sometimes he spontaneously kisses my hand, which warms my heart with all sorts of colours I never knew existed. He lets me kiss him endlessly which makes me appreciate how easy I am having it this time compared to the other two. And when it is his time to nap he lays his head on my shoulder as I pace back and forth singing or rather struggling with Swahili lullabies; more words missing than not. Or I decide to sing for him ‘You’re my honey bunch sugar plum…’ Again, with so many words missing, I realize this is not my thing at all. Yet when I get to the part ‘Snoogums, boogums’ (I googled this lol) which I sing as ‘Schikum chikum’, he bursts into laughter or gives me a big smile like it is the most amusing thing ever… and it melts my hearts. I imagine this is what motherhood is about; whether by biology or nurturing. It is these small, tiny moments of pure joy that make all the difference. So even when I want to breathe and he is attached to my side and I just want to put him down, I just have to look into his adorable eyes and joy fills my heart, erasing all the irritation he causes me in the first place.

While we are the inseparable duo the whole day, here’s the plot twist for you; when his mother arrives from work, he doesn’t even maintain eye contact with me. The theory is that if he looks at me, he probably assumes his mother will disappear. So my mere attempt of touching his hand or kissing his cheek brings about shooing me away with his agitated, ‘Nonono’. His ignore game so strong at this hour, and all I say is, ‘Well, morning shall come, shan’t it?’ Despite his arrogance when with his mum, I am content with the love I am given during the day. Granted, a mother will always be a mother, and I am not trying to compete with her. So I take my rest like the part-time mother I have become. My family calls me his ‘mama two’. It is not such a baaad job anyway. Any mother wouldn’t mind having some selfish-not-so-selfish hours to themselves. The next morning I resume having a tail; with his fast and tiny feet trying to catch up with me.

Hassan and Halimi have grown considerably. The once rebellious Hassan is now a disciplined, typical-first-born child. When I go pick them up from school, Hassan still has his shirt tucked in (almost). His socks are still above his ankles. He still has his mask on his ears. He wears his lunch bag on his neck until I arrive at his class when he hands it over. Who ever thought? (If you read My Happy Person 1 you know what I am talking about 😀 ) He is caring and affectionate and so loving. I see it every time he sees his baby brother Hassun on the table, or when the door is open; how he rushes to call out to an adult so he can be protected. Sometimes I’d send him downstairs to open the door and he will chorus ‘Hassun, Hassun’ to indicate that there is the risk of baby brother following him downstairs. He still hasn’t articulated his speech like other kids his age but he has significantly improved since he started schooling alhamdulilah. Once we get home from school, he quickly changes his clothes, eats, and asks to do his homework (mashallah thu thu thu). He then sits and watches ‘Numberblocks’ which is pure math. Sometimes we look at what he is watching and just be amazed and amused. He would be watching multiplication of rather huge numbers you’d think he is in grade 4 (or above) and not PP 2. He seems to be thoroughly enjoying it because he is fully focused and complains if you dare change the channel. As such, he’s memorized rather difficult multiplication numbers bigger for comprehension than his age, so we call him our little genius mashallah tabarakallah. I look at him concentrating and call out his name. He smiles shyly. I tell him ‘I love you’, he says it back, quickly before looking back at the TV. He says it back now; without hesitation or arrogance. My dad was right after all; sometimes you should let people appreciate you at their own timing without forcing your love on them.

Halimi is the total opposite; he is cheerful, charming, full of energy, and playful mashallah. When I pick him up from his classroom, he has no mask, his shirt untucked, and his shoes untied, full of dust. His teacher often has something to say, ‘He sleeps the entire afternoon’, ‘He was crying for his mother’ ‘His Juzuu is torn’. SMH. I tie his shoes and off we go. Throughout our trip home, he is shouting, ‘LOOK! LOOK! MOTORCYCLE!’ ‘LORRY!’ ‘COW!’ ‘LOOOOK! TREE!’ ‘VEHICLE!’ With a lot of blabbering that I can’t really make out what he is saying. He is loud enough for passersby to look our way. His excitement is almost touchable and so innocent. His curiosity is seen in his cute eyes. ‘It’s cominggg!’ he would say loudly upon seeing a vehicle approaching us. He would read random words written on the doors of kiosks, and make sure that I am listening to him. His obsession with vehicles is fascinating. You should see his excitement when he sees a garbage truck- GARBAGE TRUCK! LOOK! Who is even this happy to see a garbage truck?! EXCAVATOR! he would shout upon seeing one. And this priceless reaction is the same every single time as if it is his first time seeing these things. He has an entire vocabulary of different types of vehicles, all thanks to ‘Blippi’ (A very educative and enjoyable series for kids. If you have kids you should definitely check it out). All this while Hassan is silently walking but then at some point when he sees people looking our way, he would shout to Halimi ‘Nyamaza wewe!’. Typical introvert-ambivert exchange. They both fumble with words with their English accent (Blippi again) and rather big words that I never heard of till my adult age (Blippi!). It never stops to amuse me how different the two brothers are; like two sides of the same coin-and I can’t wait for Hassun to grow up so we can discover his personality too.

Halimi is the trouble-maker, so once he gets home he quickly asks one of us to remove his uniform. He says it with such urgency you might think he is in clutches. Once changed, he eats while he plays with his toy cars-the excavator is his favourite, or watches Blippi or any kids channel that has vehicles in it. You have to beg him to do his homework. He teases you around while laughing, as you try to change him or make him do his homework. He comes to my study desk often; which always ends up with me kicking him out of the room with ‘I love you but NO!’ He gets to my nerves. He knows it and thus enjoys frequenting my desk with his toy cars and making bridges out of my books. Sometimes he would request that I (or one of us at home) open for him ‘police monster truck’ on youtube and once we do, he would shoo me away with his finger, while saying ‘wendaa! wendaa!’ to mean go away. We are yet to understand whether he does this out of shyness or arrogance lol.

When we started telling him ‘Allah yihdiik’ (May God guide you) whenever we were angry with him, he would repeat to us ‘Allah yihdiik!’ like it is simply a game for him. But other than his mischief, he is adorable, and sometimes when he is in a good mood, he gives random hugs and kisses, which means the world to me.

My baby Hassun turns two this year in shaa Allah. Whenever they ask me who is my favourite I say I love them all, but then he is the only one I created a verse for. It goes like ‘Oy oy ooooy, bundle of jooooy, handsome boooooy’ (lame, I know!) and his two elder brothers would chorus along with me. They tell me I am a chameleon, for with every nephew’s birth I claimed the newborn is my favourite (It isn’t a lie though). But this time it is different; he loves me as dearly as I love him. That counts for something, doesn’t it?!

May Allah protect my babies, grant them good health, guide them and make them great and kind human beings, ameen!

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