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Creative Non-Fiction


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Creative Non-Fiction

IF ROLES WERE REVERSED

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Have you ever looked at the house help at home and thought, ‘Did he/she ever have a dream to become something in life? Or do they still want to become that thing? What is their story? Do they have a family? If something happened to them, do we know their next of kin? Do we know where they live? Whether they ate yesterday evening? Did they have an education? Or did they start school then dropped out because of finances? If they were given a chance to be whoever they want to be, what would they choose? What do they feel about their current job? About working for you? About spending time with your children?’

What about your garbage collector? Or the man who fixes your sink? Or the lady who babysits your children? Ever thought about their feelings, their goals in life, their thinking? If roles were reversed, would you be satisfied having a boss like you? Would you be happy with the pay you receive? With the workload given to you? With the treatment given? Would you be okay about the leftover or almost rotten food given to you alone while they feast on the table with all kinds of fresh, tasty food? Would you feel discriminated, underestimated, unappreciated?

Most of us never think about that. We never take a minute to just think about these people who work and toil for us. Sometimes we openly mistreat them or insult them or be so harsh with them for humanly mistakes. Sometimes we publicly show them that they are not in the same league/class with us. Sometimes we don’t even treat them like human beings. Sometimes we think, we worked hard to be where we are in life and they didn’t. They didn’t work hard enough, or they were just lazy or unambitious. Sometimes we forget that it is but a blessing to be this comfortable with our lives. Sometimes, or most times, we never think about them entirely?

So let’s take a moment to think about all the manual labourers that work for us or with us or those come across. If roles were reversed, would you want to be treated the way we or you treat them? Would we want to be paid the same amount we pay them (sometimes despite having more than enough for ourselves)? Would we want to be given another type of food while everyone else is eating special meals? Would we want to be ignored like we ignore them until we have a need? Would we want to be shouted upon for every humanly mistake we make?

Do we respect them? Do we honour them? Do we listen to what they have to say? All these people with low-paying jobs, do we ever appreciate them?

Manual labour is considered noble in Islam. Abu Hurairah RA reported: The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “No food is better to man than that which he earns through his manual work. Dawud (alayhi sallam), the Prophet of Allah, ate only out of his earnings from his manual work.” (Bukhari)

We have a perfect example of how the prophet peace be upon him mingled with the slaves and the poor people. Here’s an excerpt from http://www.reviewofreligions.org/2876/the-life-character-of-the-seal-of-the-prophetssaw-part-4/ on the prophet and his slave, Zaid bin Harith.

“Hakim bin Hizam, the nephew of Hadhrat Khadijah(ra), was a merchant who constantly moved about with various trade caravans. Once he purchased a few slaves during a trade expedition and gave one of them as a gift to Hadhrat Khadijah(ra). The name of the slave gifted to Hadhrat Khadijah(ra) was Zaid bin Harithah(ra). In actuality, Zaid(ra) belonged to a free family, but during a plunder he was taken captive and was forcefully enslaved. Khadijah(ra) found Zaid(ra) to be wise and intelligent, so she entrusted him to Muhammad(saw).

It was always the practice of the Holy Prophet(saw) that he would treat his servants and slaves with immense love, like his own kith and kin. Hence, Muhammad(saw) was affectionate to Zaid(ra). Since Zaid(ra) possessed a sincere heart, he also developed love for Muhammad(saw). Meanwhile, Zaid(ra)’s father Harith and paternal uncle Ka‘b came to Makkah whilst looking for him. Both of them presented themselves before the Holy Prophet(saw), and with great humility requested the freedom of Zaid(ra), so that he may return home with them. Muhammad(saw) responded; “Absolutely! If Zaid wishes to leave with you, I delightedly give him permission to do so.” At this, Zaid was called upon and was asked by Muhammad(saw), “Zaid, Do you recognise these people?” “Yes,” responded Zaid(ra), “they are my father and paternal uncle.” Muhammad(saw) said, “They have come to take you. If you wish to leave with them, I gladly give you permission to do so.” “I shall not leave you on any account,” answered Zaid(ra), “To me, you are far dearer than my own uncle or father.” Zaid(ra)’s father reacted with great anger and grief, “What? Do you give preference to a life of slavery over that of freedom?” “Yes,” responded Zaid(ra), “for I have witnessed such virtues in him that I can now give preference to none above him.”

When Muhammad(saw) heard this response he immediately stood up and took Zaid(ra) to the Ka‘bah. There he announced in a loud voice, “O People! Be witness to the fact that as of this day I free Zaid(ra) and make him my son. He shall be my heir and I shall be his.” When Zaid(ra)’s uncle and father observed this sight, they were astounded. They happily left Zaid with Muhammad(saw). Since then, Zaid bin Harithah(ra) became known as Zaid bin Muhammad(ra).1 However, after the Hijrah, God revealed a commandment that it was unlawful to take an adopted child as an actual son.2 Upon this, Zaid(ra) was once again given his original name, Zaid bin Harithah. Nonetheless, the loving conduct of the ever-loyal Muhammad(saw) remained unaltered with this ever-sincere servant…”

Imagine a slave loving their master to the extent they wouldn’t want to go back to their family. How amazingly well do you think the prophet peace be upon him to make Zaid may peace be upon him, cherish him that much.

So here’s food for thought for all of us…if roles were reversed, would you be pleased working under YOU?

***

Reminding you of our creative writing classes coming up soon in shaa Allah. Register as soon as possible or if not, sponsor a student, sadaqa jariya for you 😉 Check details in the poster below.

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Creative Non-Fiction

THOUGHTS OF TERROR

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Photo Courtesy: https://kiss100.s3.amazonaws.com

When I was studying journalism, I really looked up to John Allan Namu and Mohammed Ali for the investigative journalism they were doing. Their work was commendable! I think it is because I have a drive for solving mysteries, a keen eye for details and finding out the truth. But then I am also an anxious-wreck, and that’s just the most paradoxical combination ever. The time I realize how right I was to not pursue that adrenaline thrill is when terrorist attacks happen. I panic. People get sad. People get angry. People get frustrated. People get killed. I panic. Now I remember when the West gate attack happened, one of my classmates joked about how i’d die without being shot if I ever were in a terrorist attack. Die because of the horror rather than any other kind of harm. Maybe get a cardiac arrest then boom! I’m gone (God forbid). Now imagine if I were covering such a horrible event, I would probably end up being the journalist -not the victim-who ended up with PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder). How ironic would that be? Going to a therapist all sad and petrified and she asks me gently, ‘where exactly were you when the incident happened?’
‘Oh me? I wasn’t inside the building. I was in the neighbourhood covering the story.’
‘Did you get hurt?’
‘No.’
‘Did you get to see any of the terrorists?’
‘No.’
‘Did you know anyone who was inside?’
‘Ummm…no?’
She stops scribbling, tilts her head and looks at me from above her specs.
‘Well that doesn’t make sense.’
‘Exactly my point.’
Then we’d have a moment of awkward silence as she contemplates this journalist, really urged to ask whether she was forced into the profession.

It’s always about the thoughts though. Always. Because when a terrorist attack happens, my mind races to picture the people who are in there. I imagine a couple walking in with their travel bags, hand in hand, big smiles on their faces. The lady giggles at something the husband said as they get to the reception to check in. The receptionist asks them how long they’d be in there and they say two weeks. It won’t get to the end of the day.
I imagine a lady in an office swirling in her chair, laughing with Grace who is directly opposite her. They are gossiping about their boss who has been coming with the same clothes the entire week.
I imagine a father on the phone, telling his wife he’d be late so she has to pick the children from school. An argument starts up between them. He slams his phone on the desk.
I imagine a young man running up and down the office trying to impress his soon-to-be bosses. If he does well in his internship, they’d hire him permanently. He wanted the job so badly so he runs and pants like a dog. He will get the job at any cost. Even if it means surviving a terrorist attack.
I imagine two high school friends planning a meet-ups for ages of which they always postpone or cancel. Then one fine day they decide, today we will meet. Today we must meet. Then they start discussing the venue. Then they weigh their options. The closest place for both of them but also a nice place to hang out with a very close friend. Finally they choose their place. The place of their death.
I imagine someone having a bad day, being all grumpy and moody. He turns to his mate and says, ‘I just can’t wait for this day to end’. But the day is just about to begin.

It is strange isn’t it? That on a very random day, some people make their way to a trap, having no idea whatsoever that their lives will be changed forever. Busy working, busy talking, enjoying their meals as terrorists are seated somewhere watching them and pitying these poor people who don’t know what’s about to go down on them. But these terrorists…how do they choose venues? How do they choose the dates? How do they just decide that today, the angel of death will have a party. Do they have any remorse in them? Is there any one of them who is a bit hesitant and says ‘maybe we don’t have to kill them. We could just frighten them.’ And then the colleague asks, ‘Are you chickening out?’ Is there any part of the planning where they think of cancelling or maybe it dawns on them that it isn’t worth it? Do they ever watch the targeted place and see a pregnant woman with a young boy walking through the gates and they hesitate a bit? Or see a man carrying a bag of pampers and think ‘that’s probably a good father he doesn’t deserve to die’? Don’t tell me they are just cold blooded murderers with no emotion at all. Everyone has something that causes a pinch in the heart. Even if it something very tiny that would trigger their emotions and maybe, just maybe make them or just one of them think twice. Or maybe that’s all they are; cold blooded murderers with no affection or compassion whatsoever. Because how else do they go on a shooting spree on very random, normal people?

I remember an Iftar event that I attended some years back and I happened to sit with a lady who was a victim at the Garissa university attack. Well I didn’t know this until a riot started right outside where the iftar was taking place. I could see how uneasy she got. Of course everyone was restless but she was terrified. And then she told me that she was at the university when the attack happened and somehow she survived. By then, quite some months had passed after the attack, but there she was, re-living the nightmare. I can’t imagine how disturbing and horrifying it is for anyone who has experienced such incidents. It is true some heal and move on, but some will forever be looking behind them whenever they walk. Put three locks on their doors. Avoid going outside unless necessary. Avoid popular places. Avoid public places entirely. Never take taxis or ubers. And it is so so sad how a piece of someone’s life and peace of mind will forever be gone.

What’s more sad is when innocent Muslims and Somalis have to pay the price of others’ wrongdoings. The issue of Islamophobia has been going on for quite a while now and just when we think we are making progress in killing the stereotype, terrorists surprise with another heart-breaking event. It is so unfair that other people have to continue to prove their innocence and justify their existence as if they are ‘natural criminals’.

Sincere condolences to all those who lost their loved ones (May their souls rest in peace), and praying a quick recovery to all those who were injured during the recent Riverside attack in Nairobi, Kenya. We shouldn’t forget to thank and pray for all those who helped in any way during the attack; the police, the ambulance personell, Red cross, blood donors and all other unnamed heroes who assisted in any way. Indeed it is only God who can repay them for their bravery and courage.

May God protect our country and our people. May God turn away any human being with evil intentions for us or our people. May we all stay safe. Ameen.

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HEAR IT FROM THE CRY BABY

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Last year, I had the ugliest phone conversation with an older workmate. Well, that’s just a few months ago actually. I think its the ugliest I’ve ever had with anyone really. Coz I was screaming. When I scream then just know I’ve totally lost it. And I am not easy to lose control of my temper. I could take all your crap forever but when I scream then run. Run I am telling you because the world is about to collapse on you 😀

(There’s a moral to be learnt from the story but to give context I have to rewind a bit. So keep reading please?)

It was actually a very petty issue but I had taken enough crap already from this lady because she is older and I respected her. But then on this fine evening, I exploded. Second thing, I never ever hang up on anyone but with this human being, I did, in the middle of her rumbling. My hands were shaky. My voice was shaky. Hell, my entire body was shaken up. I was crying and having a panic attack for those who know what that is. My mother, brother and sister were right at the door to my room staring at me wondering what had just happened. I was really terrified.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, for the next several days, whenever i’d hear my phone ring, my heart would skip a beat. Jokes aside. This is literal. My phone would ring and I would just stare at the phone for a few minutes contemplating whether to pick it up. Even when it was my friends, I would just stare. I would hesitate and sometimes even let it ring until it stopped on its own then send them a text afterwards. When it was a new number, I would be even more nervous. Taking an entire moment, hoping they would hang up before I pick. My workmate had called me with a new number so that resulted to the higher skepticism. For a while it didn’t strike me why. I have always hated phone calls (hint to all those who call me :p ) so it was no shocker that I didn’t want to pick. But this was different. This wasn’t just about me being uncomfortable to phone calls and then it dawned on me. It was about the lady screaming on the phone. My subconscious was still stuck in that conversation. It was me shouting at the top of my voice. I hated that image and it had stuck in my head.

I swear when a new number called, I would say bismillah bismillah bismillah several times before picking regardless of who the caller was (Okay this sounds funny now 😀 ) That’s how deeply affected I was. Now calm your horses y’all life coaches. I’ve heard it all my life, ‘Don’t allow people’s words crash you.’ ‘Don’t be weak’. ‘Don’t take things to heart’. But well guess what? Some of us weren’t exactly wired as you are. Take it to be weakness or being afraid or whichever way you decide to interpret it, but my profile reads ‘voice of the voiceless’ so here I am, speaking out loudly, ready to receive all the backlash 😀

My point is…To be honest, there are places I totally avoid, people I never let my eyes meet theirs, conversations I walk away from, just because at one perfect day, someone out there totally ruined my image of that place, of that person or of that topic. And trust me, it doesn’t matter if someone apologizes, that thing will never be the same for me. Ever. And that’s just how it is for me. Simply because I don’t ever want to go to a beautiful place to be happy and then poof! just like that, my super active mind will take me down the memory lane and remind me ‘do you remember this is the place this and this happened?’ I know many people don’t get it but for some of us, the pain runs way way deeper to the core. It is not easy to dismiss it or bury it, so we live with it. (Of course this depends with the magnitude of the matter in hand. I won’t stop going all places coz of some heartless people.)

I know a young teenage girl of about 10/11 years who has teeth that are a bit more outward than they should be and several of her school mates would always tease her about it. Sad to say, the girl stopped smiling. Especially when one of her closest friends once told her in mid-sentence ‘Just stop talking. Close your mouth.’ I felt that. I really really felt that. Because now she’s never going to believe that she has a beautiful smile. She is always serious and even when she laughs, her hands are always covering her mouth. I know about all the self-love talks people preach about. But don’t you think it would be easier if people were keener with their words? With their actions? With how they treat other people? Isn’t it easier to adopt self love willingly rather than having to fix your self image first?

I didn’t want to write about this because my entire life has been about this. Being deeply affected by how people treated me and everyone would still point out how I should just forget or not take things seriously or whatever. I remember some even making jokes about it like ‘hey don’t tease her. She could just start crying.’ and they’d just laugh about it 😀 Geez some people though 😀 They thought they were being funny by saying that, let’s all laugh at their sweet, naive souls 😀

Okay fine. Its a weakness I should work on but what about these other people. What about all these other people that become the reason we avoid places or get nervous for phone conversations. Who talks to these people? Who tells them that they are crashing people’s spirits? Who corrects them?

I think we as human beings really take for granted what kind of effect we have on other people. So on behalf of all my fellow cry babies (y’all can thank me later), I have today revealed what most of us never speak out loud. Be kind y’all. The world is cold enough. Let us have more compassionate, empathetic people rather than cruel, egocentric, narcissistic jerks.

#RightsForTheCryBabies 😀 #KindnessFirst

P.S. If I wasn’t picking your calls, count this as the official apology. Please text next time 🙂

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Creative Non-Fiction

THE ABCs OF STARTING A WORDPRESS BLOG

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It has been claimed in some circles that if the entire non-geek populace of the world were to file up and spend the next century kissing the ring fingers of geeks, it would still not suffice as remittance for all the little joys of life they have brought us. One kid in Harvard coughs and voila, Facebook! Another sneezes at Carnegie Mellon and boom! Instagram!

As with everything else brought by these guys same with blogging culture. It was born of an idle pastime. Fresh from gifting the world the internet and the world wide web, the geek overlords of the nineties decided to kill time by writing daily ‘web-logs’ about their pets. Several years down the way, the technology matured and assumed the currently acceptable common name: blogging. Blogger arose during this time and soon after, WordPress as platforms to support the creation of blogs for the non-programmer resident of the Internet. WordPress now powers a third of the content that is on the entire world wide web with no signs of slowing down!

If your neighbours, or your colleagues have been all up your nose pestering you to get yourself a WordPress blog but you don’t know how, then grab a chair and make yourself comfortable, because this article is for you.

Creating a WordPress Account
To get started with your new super awesome WordPress blog, you’ll first need a WordPress account. For that you’ll need an email, which every man, woman and toddler living in this century is assigned automatically when they are hooked into the Matrix for the first time.
Once you’ve recovered yours, find a browser, type in wordpress.com in the address bar. That should land you here:

The next part is as complex as saying your ABCs out loud. You click on the ‘Get Started’ link at the top right.

You should fill in your email address in this screen as well as your chosen username and password for your new account and click on ‘Create Your Account’.

Creating a WordPress Blog

In this next screen, you get to fill in all the details about your new blog from the name, to other ooey gooey subjects like the topic it will cover and your primary goals and so on. Now, for the last section, please do resist the temptation to impress the Chinese hacker who is snooping on your desktop and answer as honestly as possible, it’s really for your own good.
Once done click on continue..

This next part is crucial, you get to choose your blog’s address, which is just as it sounds an ‘address’ for your site. This is what your friends will type in their browsers’ address bar to visit your blog. Choose wisely. Unique is good, short is better, a mix of the two is perfection.
Because the account we’re creating is a free one, you should proceed to select the free option as offered from those listed. The downside being that it will have ‘’.wordpress.com’’ attached to it.

You know what to do here ?

Customizing your WordPress Blog

Once all of that is done, you should see the screen above, which is what is famously called ‘the WordPress Dashboard.’

Over the next several years of your life, should you choose to be serious about your blog, you will get so intimate with this dashboard that you’ll probably end up giving it a nickname. Don’t ask me what I call mine.
At this point, you can follow the step by step instructions shown on this main screen up until the point it asks you to publish a new post or simply continue with this tutorial.

First, you need to confirm your email address. Log into your email and look for the email sent by wordpress. Click on the link to confirm which should redirect you to the Dashboard.

Now scroll all the way down on the menu to the left until you find the option ‘Customise.’ Next to it should be the option ‘Themes’. Go ahead and click there.

Now, a theme is really crucial for whatever blog you’re planning to create. Next to the name, the theme of your blog has to embody the type of content that will be posted there and plays a big role in preparing your readers for the kind of content you often post there. So choose wisely, but no pressure.
Of course, thankfully, WordPress has an intelligent search engine in which you can specify the kind of content (subject) that will appear there (photography etc) as well as the style of the theme (whimsical, minimal etc) and wordpress will filter the themes for you.

Once you’ve chosen a theme, click on customize.

Once here, feel free to tinker to your tinkering twinkle heart’s content. Play around with the fonts, with the header image until you find a combination that works best for you. Once done, click on the ‘Publish’ button at the top left side of the page.

The widgets tab if you’ve noticed it is a great place to add more functionality and ‘spice’ to your blog. There are several different widgets available for a free WordPress blog, to link to your facebook or Instagram pages, to add links to your most popular posts, most recent comments and so on.

Once you’re pleased with the outlook of your blog, you should be ready to publish your first post. So jump right in and go wild.

Additional Material

Next to the ‘My Site’ tab on the Dashboard, is the ‘Wordpress Reader’ which is one of the best parts of WordPress. In fact, so much so, that if WordPress was Hercules, then this would be his non-human half’s powers manifesting themselves. WordPress is made different from other blogging platform by the community ‘vibe’ in it. The reader is where you get to experience it.

 

Here you can search for and read other WordPress blogs, follow them, comment and ‘like’ posts. Your comments on all blogs are also neatly stacked together in the ‘Conversations’ tab.
The ‘Tag’ tab is the cream of the pie, however. Here you can follow any topic that is tagged when users post in their wordpress blogs. These are usually topics or writing genres such as ‘creative writing’ or ‘science fiction’ or even ‘Michelle Obama’. Neat, huh?

Now that you have the low-down on WordPress mechanics (and politics), you should be ready to set off on your journey to entertain, inspire and rip the cosmos into a billion pieces. So to that I say good luck and Godspeed!

Share this with someone who may need it 🙂

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Creative Non-Fiction

IF 2018 WAS A MOVIE

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Image Courtesy: https://www.businessinsider.sg

Fun Fact: I have this addictive habit of watching extremely thrilling/horror movies then spending the entire night scaring myself and going to the washroom every hour because my bladder can’t hold all the fear within. Why I torture myself? Beats me. But I convince myself that that is how I face my fears. Hero much? You bet. 2018 was a horror movie. I was at my very worst. Hit rock bottom and was scared of my own self more than anything else in this life. Being your own enemy is one thing but knowing you are your own enemy is something else. The fight between your self and mind is endless. If 2018 was a movie, it would be ‘Bird Box’ for me. That was 2018’s best thriller and horror movie. 2018 was MY bird box. I was blindly stumbling my way through the days for survival, trying to not look directly into the eyes of my monster; my own self-sabotaging being. I just wanted to get to the end of it. But you know what? I love thrill. I am a total thrill freak. So when I say it was the roughest year for me, I also mean it was the most intense, challenging year. Trying to see the silver lining here y’all 😀

Being an extremely anxious person makes me very impatient in everything. I don’t give myself adequate time for anything. Not for healing, not for love, not for my dreams either. I have this clock that keeps tik-toking in my head; always reminding me how I’m running out of time. For what you ask? I have no idea. This is where the Marshmallow test comes in.

The Marshmallow study is a famous social-science test among educators and psychologists because it is something we learn about. The study itself is about delayed gratification done in the 1960’s by a Stanford professor. So the experiment was that a child is taken into a room that has a marshmallow on the table. The experimenter then tells the child that they are leaving the room and that if they wait until the experimenter comes back without eating the marshmallow, then they will get another one. So the choice was simple: one marshmallow right now or two marshmallows later.

The experimenters believed that the study was a measure of future success of the children participants. So the child is then left in the room alone with the marshmallow. Now the hardest part is that there is no distraction. Its just the child staring at the marshmallow. Obviously some kids ate it right way, some hesitated right away before giving in to the temptation and others were patient enough to wait for the other one so they get two. The experimenters followed up on the progress of the children even decades later and found that the children who were willing to delay gratification and waited to receive the second marshmallow ended up successful in every aspect of life. In short, the study proved that the ability to delay gratification was critical for success in life. Mind-blowing right?(You can google more on the Marshmallow study)

So how does this relate to my 2018?

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do as a person struggling with anxiety, is to trust the process; believe in the power of delayed gratification. I took up a job that you only see the fruits of your hard work more than six months later and I failed at different writing opportunities I looked forward to among other things. My writing journey has been long with slow baby steps. And don’t get me wrong, I appreciate my baby steps. I really do. In fact I do treat myself whenever I achieve one of tiny goals. But then there’s the self-sabotaging anxious self that wants you to see how you’ll never make it to across the river (Y’all should watch ‘Bird Box’ if you haven’t. Oh! and the memes are so lit! 😀 Memes are the best part of anything yo). So 2018 is the year my patience was tested the most. But I keep reminding myself of the greater reward. Of the best to come. Of the two Marshmallows at the end of the day. I keep reminding myself that my baby steps will someday add up to something. I believe it will in shaa Allah but for now, it is an endless war with my mind that wants the easy, shortcut and immediate reward of one Marshmallow. But you know what? I want two Marshmallows. Hell I want a hundred of them. So I’ll wait. I’ll wait to see what’s on the other side of the river. I’ll wait because I have faith that Allah (S.W.) is with me. If I don’t make it to other side, I know I’ll have died trying and that counts. It means a lot.

Don’t get me wrong. 2018 was not entirely a black cloud on my head. I have my family with me and I realize that’s a big blessing every.single.day. alhamdulilah. My anxious self traveled on a plane for the first time in my life (a very panicky story for another day 😀 ) Good things did happen alhamdulilah but above all, it was a challenging year. And I hope I can learn from it.

Hey where are my anxious fellow humans? Let’s wait for the basket full of Marshmallows okay? We got this. I know we can. I know we do 🙂

Better days to come. Ameen.

***
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14 TIPS FOR ASPIRING WRITERS

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God knows I’m not an expert to be writing this. Not even close. I’m not Stephen King or Khaled Hosseini or Paulo Coelho or Chimamanda or any of these madly talented writers. Did I mention J.K. Rowling? But I have stumbled my way for so long in my writing journey like a drunkard, stepping on grammar thorns and hitting on plot poles. So yeah, I’ve done a lot of mistakes and I’ve learnt a lot from different writing gurus and fellows. They say, you learn best from a person who has come face to face, touched and embraced the failure wholly (of course I embraced it then made my lemonade out of it). I think I can share with fellow aspiring writers some tips that will help as you start/continue with your writing career.

1. WRITE:

The only way to become a great writer is by LITERALLY writing. There are no short cuts to this. Reading ten or even a hundred books on how to write won’t make you any better writer if you don’t take that pen and start scribbling. Writing guides will of course be really helpful in showing you the direction, but the rest is entirely upon you. Write that story you’ve always wanted to write. Write that very badly written poem. However much awful your piece will be, it will still be better than nothing at all. After writing it, don’t immediately throw it away. Keep it safe for some hours or days, then revisit it and go through it again. You might have some new ideas on how to improve your piece.

2. WRITING IS RE-WRITING:

Ask any writer/poet in the world, even the most famous one, they’ll tell you the same thing; writing is re-writing. You can’t have perfection from the word go. You can’t write one story and be frustrated that it isn’t how you want it to be. Calm down mate, this thing needs patience here. As we say here in Mombasa, ‘hii kitu haitaki hasira’ ama vipi? Every beautiful thing takes some time to be fully formed or functional or complete. So write, re-read it, make changes. Give it a break, go through it again. Add new ideas. Like that until you are finally satisfied with what you have in hand. If you’re a perfectionist, the process might make you crazy so it would be nice if you seek assistance from someone else that you trust, which brings me to my third point.

3. DON’T BE SHY TO SEEK HELP:

However rowdy and unappealing your story seems, don’t be shy to send it to someone you trust. NOTE, I said someone you trust i.e. they have good judgement in what a good story looks like, they have good insights and if they are grammar nazis that’s even better. (Grammar Nazi definition by Urban dictionary: One who uses refined vocabulary, correct grammar, constantly finds themselves correcting grammar and spelling (in forums, chatrooms, tumblr, YouTube, etc.) These people will ruthlessly point out all the grammar massacres you committed. Don’t take it personally, deep deep down they are good people who wan’t the best for you. So don’t get annoyed when they show you your mistakes. Most importantly, it should be someone you trust NOT to steal your piece and use it as their own. If you know someone who has experience in writing or an avid reader, the better. They will be the fresh eyes you need and can honestly tell you their opinions about your writing. Also, don’t send it to nice people who’ll always tell you ‘It’s good.’ Go for the brutally honest ones who will bluntly tell you what is wrong or right about your writing. You need this, trust me, you do. So take heart and swallow the bitter pill for now.

4. ACCEPT POSITIVE CRITICISM POSITIVELY:

Now there’s criticism that is good and healthy. The person correcting you isn’t trying to crash your dreams or ruin your self-confidence. They are just trying to show you how to be a better writer (and this applies to all matters of life as well). They will point out your mistakes and show you how to be better (or not) either way, they are trying to help. Then we have the negative criticism whereby the person is continuously trying to show you how useless you are or untalented. In short, they are just the villains in your story. Make sure to accept only the positive criticism. Remember that the only way for you to grow is to actually learn from your mistakes. And for someone to show you your mistakes they have to brutally honest with you WITHOUT crashing your self-esteem. So long as someone means well, don’t feel bad. Accept the criticism and learn from the mistakes to do better next time. And no, this shouldn’t be an excuse for you to quit writing. As for those who criticize you in a negative way, avoid sending your work to them. If you can’t keep your work away from them maybe because they see it on your social media pages, learn to ignore them without allowing their comments affect you. We all have received these kind of criticisms, so you’re not alone. Stop with the pity-partying and continue writing!

5. EXPERIMENT AND GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE:

Just because you write poetry doesn’t mean you can’t writing something else. Plus, you’ll never know if you can do something else if you haven’t tried it. I for one, never thought I could write in present continuous or in second person until I tried it. I realized I loved it more than writing in past tense or first/third person. So explore, get out of your comfort zone and try writing new things. You could be surprised how you could enjoy or be better in something totally different than what you do now. If you only write travel blogs, take some time to write a fiction piece someday or do a different language blog. Play around with your talent cards until you finally discover what you really love and are comfortable writing about, then embrace that fully.

6. READ:

Honestly, I am a disgrace to the writing community, and that’s because I am not an avid reader. I do read, but not to the extent one would expect from a writer. I source out my inspiration from different things and people, most writers seek it from books (thus making me a disgrace 😀 ) But I’ve made this my personal challenge, to push myself to read as much as I can. Reading opens up your mind to new ideas, new places, new characters and new experiences. We learn from our fellow writers like that and we grow from there. So make it your personal challenge too to read as often as you can and let that inspire you to write more and better.

7. BE AUTHENTIC:

You need to use your own voice. You need to echo out your own dreams, fears, aspirations, struggles, personality and let it reflect in what you write. Be authentic and don’t copy someone’s style. Create your own style, something that you will be remembered for. Be the master of the style you choose. Sometimes your voice could be your humor or your choice of words, or the way you unfold your story. It would be ridiculous if you try to copy J.K. Rowling’s style in Harry Potter to write your own Wizardry book, right? I thought so too. So be yourself, even in your writing. Especially in your writing.
There are several articles and videos talking about voices, how to find and develop your voice in writing so just search for them on google and knock yourself out. However, here is an example of what other writers talked about voice:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-AG6yzJMIE

8. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE:

There are different kinds of writing out there and you need to know about them. This is important because for example, the rules that are there for fiction writing are very different from non-fiction or even poetry. There are similarities of course, but you still need to be aware of what is what before you dive deep into writing. We are on the 21st Century people, what better way to use the free wifi and google than to learn these things? If you google kinds or types of writing right now you’d find MANY articles and videos on the same. Help yourself; do yourself a favour and learn the differences of these writings.

9. HAVE SELF-DISCIPLINE & DO NOT GIVE UP:

This is very very important. Writing is one of those things one can easily push under the bed. It seems the easiest thing to let go of once someone is overwhelmed with their life. Its kind of the same thing with painting or any other kind of art. And I see this all the time. People keep saying, ‘I used to write by the way’ and when you ask what happened the answer is almost the same always; ‘Life happened.’ And when life happens to someone, writing is the first thing we give up on because we think ‘I can live without it’ (for those who don’t pay their bills with writing). Remember when we said, beautiful things take time? All these novels and stories we obsess about, how long do you think it took the writer to write the entire book until it got to you? Many months and sometimes, MANY years. So be patient and keep trying. Don’t say ‘what’s the point if it doesn’t pay my bills right now?’ The point is, you are leaving footsteps behind you. A legacy. You are inspiring people with your stories, and it doesn’t matter if the number of people reading your work are only five. If you are able to create positive change or influence just one person to be better at something or in their lives, that’s a great achievement for anyone. So don’t underestimate your work and write as often as possible. At least every day. Okay, maybe that’s a lot for you. At least a week? Yes, a week is good enough. At whatever cost, push yourself to write as per your schedule (even if it means skipping an hour of sleeping. I mean, we skip sleep to chat. We can do that for writing too right?)

10. SHARE YOUR WORK:

If you leave your stories inside your drawers, they will just get dust and insects will come nibble your masterpieces away. Is that what you want for your masterpiece? Being murdered by tiny insects? Being consumed by a tsunami of dust? Come on. Your voice deserves a place out there. There is a space for your pieces to occupy in this vast world.

Point is, if you don’t let your work out there, you will never know how good and talented you are. You will never know if your stories can emotionally break someone into tears just because of its intensity. You can never know if someone thinks the same way as you do. For you to grow as a writer, take the risk and share the work. Don’t be afraid of ‘not being good enough.’ No one started off being good enough already. They too had to struggle. So share you work; on all kinds of social media, on blogs, in magazines…anywhere you can.

Blogs and websites are great platforms to share you work. If you are just starting of and still unsure on what kind of writing to take up or how often you’d write, you can start off with the free blogs from wordpress or blogspot accounts. If you have a friend or relative with computer/IT knowledge, ask for their help in creating and designing your blog. Again, the internet is right there at our service. You could create your own blog by learning how to do it via google. For example, you could search ‘create a free wordpress blog’ and follow the prompts as directed. Nonetheless, the IT friend can be great help.

Here’s a link to a video that might help: https://winningwp.com/how-to-make-a-free-blog-wordpress-com/

11. MAKE CONTRACTS. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME

I learnt this the hard way, so hear it from me. Do not, and I mean, DO NOT EVER, go for a writing gig without making a contract. It doesn’t matter if the person is a relative, a very good friend or the work is just 500 words. Make a contract! Most artists don’t know what their rights are and thus, many people end up taking advantage or just disappearing with your work or payment. Rather you protect yourself than regret later. Even if it is someone you know very well just say it, ‘No offence but I need a contract for all that we’ve agreed on’. And make sure that indeed, all you agreed on is in the contract and SIGNED by both of you. At least you know if they go against you, you have proof to demand your payment or rights from them. Thank me later!

12. DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF:

Just like with everything else in life, we have those who are ahead than others. You probably know of writers who write everyday, maybe 2000 words every morning or so…DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF WITH THEM. Everyone has their own pace with things, so don’t beat yourself for it. Do what you can and do it within your own pace and at your best ability. Don’t let people’s achievements crash you, instead let it be a challenge. Also, don’t force yourself to be like someone else just because ‘they’ve made it’. Remember we talked about having your own voice yeah? So do that. Be self-disciplined, write as much as you possibly can and grow from there.

13. DON’T BE SHY TO AIM FOR THE MONEY

Look, we all are striving and hustling hard to make ends meet. So don’t be apologetic if you are writing simply to earn money or make a career out of it. Don’t be shy or guilty about it. Do your best and achieve your goals yo. Be unstoppable and buy that classy car.

14. FINALLY

I had no point for number 14 but because I am a perfectionist and ending my post with an odd number itches my gut, here is number 14 🙂 All the best in your writing journey and please, please don’t sit or sleep or eat (if there’s anything like that) on your talent.

I hope these will be helpful as you take on your writing journey. Kindly share and subscriibee!! Thank you!

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LEAVE THE SKELETONS WHERE THEY BELONG

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Back in university one of the ladies in our lot got pregnant in the middle of the semester. Or at least that’s when her belly started revealing. The lady was very quiet and reserved. She wasn’t a Muslim but she always seemed decent. Soon as her pregnancy became vivid, some of my mates started saying, ‘See she was acting all innocent but now she’s been exposed.’ I thought about it to myself for a moment and I said, ‘But that’s not fair.’ I mean, for the years that I knew the lady there was no single day she declared herself ‘innocent’ nor was there any day that I saw her pointing fingers and slandering others for their wrongdoings. There was no day that she acted or even spoke like she was ‘holier than thou’. How was it really fair to slander someone when they slip just because they weren’t openly showing their horns or posting it up on social media for the whole world to see?

See, wrong is wrong however we try to sugarcoat it. But there’s always more to the story. The world we live in at the moment is the kind that expects you to put up your dirty laundry outside on broad daylight in the name of ‘I am being myself. At least I don’t pretend.’

I once had a conversation with a lady who was talking about her personal situation and some sort of scheme she was plotting. Okay, no judgement whatsoever. But then the conversation rolled on to a point where she said, ‘Hawa wakimya ndio nawaheshimu. Utaona hakuna innocent kama wao then just one day they shock you to the peak with their actions.’

I mean, where did this mentality come from? That one should either be openly sinning and making mistakes or be the perfect angel as we see you. Where was it written that exposing your mistakes makes you any better than the one who doesn’t? Or that the one who doesn’t is a hypocrite? Isn’t it silly that we consider the reserved, seemingly pious people to be 120% right, 360 degrees all round perfect?! Like ‘Oh my God, he is PERRR-VECT, nur ala nur 😀

Really bro?!

We see it all the time. With sheikhs, famous people and colleagues. Someone does a mistake that is exposed and poof! Everyone has a reaction and an opinion and we just blow it completely out of proportion because ‘they were hypocrites all along’. That same thing, if it were to be done by anyone else we would go on with our lives like nothing happened. But hey! this is so and so…we have to break the internet about it.

We come out each day showing people our displeasing actions because we want people to see us for who we are and accept us as is. But in the process of doing that, we unveil any sense of shame left within us because the moment someone approaches us to humbly correct us we are so quick to say, ‘Don’t judge me’ or ‘You shouldn’t judge me.’ The same goes to those who openly reveal the good that they do and slander everyone else who isn’t like what they perceive themselves.

Truth is that there is no angel. There is no one who can look back and confidently say, ‘I am perfect or sinless’. We are all struggling with something, whether it is visible or not, we are. Even the best of sheikhs and the people we consider our role models. We all have skeletons hidden in our wardrobe and chapters of our lives we don’t read out loud. There are people we have harmed or caused pain, whether intentionally or not, we have. So the next time a certain sheikh or role model does a mistake and the internet family actively discuss about him/her, remember that they too are human beings. They wrong just as you do. The mistakes or sins may be different but they are still there. And just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean you should forget that they too have flaws and weaknesses and things they are not proud of.

Fair enough, you’d probably be disappointed because you looked up to them but never allow that to overshadow your judgment on who can or can’t sin and who should/shouldn’t be forgiven.

Most importantly, don’t let the current world push you to exposing your sins in the fear of people having overly high expectations on you. You being ashamed about your mistakes and sins is the first step to repentance. Or how else do you expect to sincerely repent after posting it on your social media page with your sparkling smile as you sin?!

Abu Hurayrah (radi Allahu anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Every one of my followers will be forgiven except those who expose (openly) their wrongdoings. An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which Allah has covered for him, and in the morning, he would say (to people): ‘I committed such and such sin last night’ while Allah had kept it a secret. During the night Allah has covered it up but in the morning he tears up the cover provided by Allah Himself.” [Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim]

There is a famous story of the sahabi Nuayman ‘ibn Amr Al-Ansari RA who was known to have issues with alcohol. Despite knowing the ruling of Islam towards the intoxicating drink, Nuayman RA struggled with breaking his addiction, and was flogged twice for drinking. Upon the second flogging, ‘Umar RA who was angered by Nuayman’s RA behaviour quipped, “La ‘nat Allah alayhi – may God’s curse be on him”. The Prophet Muhammad (S), upon hearing this, was quick to intervene, “No, no, don’t do (such a thing). Indeed he loves God and His Apostle. The major sin (as this) does not put one outside the community and the mercy of God is close to the believers.” Watch the full story on Nuayman here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TCCzKs3-bo

The reason I shared his story is because it should be a reminder that even the sahabis did sin and mistakes too yet that didn’t make them to be regarded any less than the believers they were. The difference with us is how much they really regretted their acts and most importantly, how the prophet treated the believers who sinned; without despising them or shunning them off.

Once a young man came to the Prophet ﷺ requesting from the Prophet to grant this man permission to have sex outside of marriage. The people were shocked and were trying to silence his question. The Prophet ﷺ asked him a series of questions. “Would you like it for your mom?” He ﷺ continued to ask if this man would like it for his daughter, sister or other female relatives. The man continually responded in the negative, intellectually convinced by the logical argument of the Prophet ﷺ. Finally, the Prophet placed his blessed hand on the man and prayed to God, “Dear God! May you forgive his sins, purify his heart and make him chaste.” And it is narrated that this man never got involved in what he was requesting after this experience with the Prophet.

Ibn Mas`ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man kissed a woman. So he came to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and informed him about it. Then Allah revealed this Ayah: “And perform the Salat, between the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds efface the evil deeds (i.e., minor sins).” (11:114) The man asked the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) whether this applies to him only. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “It applies to all of my Ummah.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Now imagine if these situations happened today and the people involved were maybe known to be pious or God-fearing; how would we react then?! How would we respond to them? Wouldn’t we be the first ones to label them as hypocrites and a disgrace to the Muslim community? Wouldn’t it be a big scandal that we’d talk about for days on?! The prophet p.b.u.h corrected them and prayed for them instead. We should also keep in mind that we’d never know how much a person regrets their actions, feels extremely guilty and cries for repentance every night. Be merciful upon others just like you’d want others to be with you if you were in the same position. Never say ‘I’d never do that or say that’ because honestly, life is the scariest thing to be too sure about. Tables turn every.single.day.

This of course isn’t a justification for anyone’s wrongdoings. Nor should it be an excuse and an easy gateway for people to sin secretly in the hope that Allah (S.W) will cover our tracks. Also, this differs according to the sin/mistake in hand. Cases like rape, sodomy, molestation, harassment, murder or any other grave sin may need a call for justice upon the doer so as to protect others from him/her or to remove them from a certain position.

Allah (S.W) surely knows what is in our hearts and what we struggle with to change and our intentions behind all our actions. Don’t expose your sins but also try with all your being to keep away from them.

Ibn al-Qayyim Rahimahu Llah said : ‘Know that if people are impressed with you, they are impressed with the beauty of Allah’s covering of your sins.’

Thank Allah (S.W) when He protects the world from seeing the darkness within you. Thank Allah when He guides you. Thank Allah when He grants you a chance to sincerely repent.

May Allah (S.W) protect us from the whispering of shaitan and from our own nafs and guide us together with all our loved ones. Ameen.

P.S Leave the skeletons where they belong; in the wardrobe (not literally, but you get me right? )

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A TIME FOR WEAKNESS

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From the time they get the slap on their backside babies have known how to express their needs. New parents know that rest will not be forthcoming for them unless they meet those needs.

Children are unashamed and unabashed when it comes to being themselves. As toddlers they are curious and full of wonderment. They are also very self-aware. They know when to lay down and give relief to their tired limbs and when to keep going. They know no shame or guilt, they know no filters.

As they grow they start to realise that certain things are no nos. They see that some of their antics are being met with disapproval and that is when they start to hold back.

We are taught from an early age that we must not succumb to any emotion or action that might be perceived as weak.

We must not admit to tiredness or feeling sick or needing a shoulder to cry on. Men, especially, have been programmed or have had it instilled into them that they can be no tears for them (“big boys don’t cry”)

They must show control at all times – except perhaps when they knock their fingers while using a hammer. Perhaps then they are allowed a yowl of pain and an expletive or two.

If you are sick you must soldier on nevertheless because, well, to stop and take some rest would be a fault; a sign of not being able to cope.

You must not admit to being overwhelmed or panicked.

If you are a student – in spite of what our teachers would tell us to the contrary- you confess to not understanding concepts at your own risk. You must be well acquainted with all the formulas and all the names and all the dates. You do not want your school mates knowing that you are struggling even if they are struggling themselves. You do not want to be perceived as weak. You do not want the label “average “, “slow learner” to apply to you.

You must not let on, if you are a parent, that your kids are proving a handful and that you need help. You must do most everything yourself- from scratch if needs be- because well, how else will you measure up?

The standards we set and place for ourselves are ridiculous and inhumane.

Setting worthy and lofty goals is admirable but to pretend to have super human capabilities, to suppress our inherent needs, to be unforgiving of anything less than “perfection” that is the road to depression and anxiety.

To always wear a face of control and an attitude of “having it all together” is to set a precedent for our kids that they must- no matter what- always have their wits about them and their lives be picture perfect.

Why are we telling them this? Why are we growing a generation afraid to show vulnerability, terrified of being themselves?

Perhaps we feel if we ask for help, or show a less than put together ‘in -control- of my- life” person- we will fall in other people’s estimation of us or worse in our own estimation of ourselves.

Perhaps we feel if we admit to not knowing or of being unaware of something we will be judged for it or even taken advantage of because we are so clearly uninformed.

Perhaps we think if we show our true selves and not what the world will have us pretend to be then we will not have the connection we seem to so desperately need. Even at the expense of our own authenticity and uniqueness.

But we humans are ‘weak’. We fall sick, we forget, we lose things and we make mistakes. Owning up to being less than perfect, of needing others, of not having all the answers well, that adds to our beauty as people.

If authenticity, being true to yourself, feeling and showing emotion, needing others, admitting overwhelm , accepting your humanness is a sign of being less than, a sign of ‘being average’ then, my dear friends, I believe it is the time for weakness.

 

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SELF-LOVE, NARCISSISM AND THE LINE IN BETWEEN

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For quite some time, people were drowning in self-pity and throwing pity party for themselves due to low self-esteem. Social media became the voice of all the people trying to fit in, breaking and self-loathing. It became our dearest diary, so we spoke up. We talked of our deepest pain and how we wish we could be like so and so, look like so and so, dress like so and so, have partners like so and so…Slowly with time, the social media power gave people a chance to appreciate themselves, love how they are without having to necessarily to fit in. Different became the new trend. It was all good at first. Emotional support from people we barely know, a chance to know people who are like us…until finally, FINALLY, we learnt to embrace ourselves. It was great! Self-love rocks no doubt. But something else happened too. We now became overly-obsessed with ourselves. And as the saying goes, ‘Too much of anything is poisonous.’

We don’t want anyone correcting us, we don’t want anyone to put a mirror in front of us and show us the darkness eating our insides like worms. We became the untouchables. Me above Everyone else. Me as flawless as I am. Me being perfect. Look, look at the particles of empathy slip between our fingers. Look at kindness being the toilet rag. Look at appreciation breaking into a thousand glass pieces. Look at forgiveness flying with the wind. While we were showering ourselves with all this love we desperately needed, we over-stepped a bit. We became too blinded and eventually did not recognize the beast we have created within ourselves with Social media being our partner in crime.This beast is called Narcissism.

Narcissism: extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

Don’t get me wrong, self-love is so beautiful and uplifting for the soul but when we let it infest our brains like mites, we become arrogant. We become selfish (not in the good way). We look down upon others who are on a different journey from ours and disregard and call names to anyone trying to advise us. We idolize ourselves too much to the extent we disrespect other people.There’s a thin line between self-love and Narcissism, and majority of us have crossed it.

So we became these people who can’t be told anything, unapproachable and inhumane. We speak and treat people recklessly in the name of loving ourselves.

The thing with people is that they don’t forget. They don’t forget how good or bad or even how indifferent you were to them. And you might be so surprised how something small you did to a person years back may result to them helping you in a difficult situation or decide to do the total opposite.

{Worship God alone and do not associate with Him any partners. Be kind to your parents and near of kin, to orphans, the needy, the neighbor who is related to you and the neighbor who is a stranger, the friend by your side, the wayfarer, and those whom your right hands possess. God does not love those who are arrogant and boastful.} (Qur’an: 4: 36)

A simple example, I know of this lady during campus who was staying at the hostels and one time needed help fixing her room plug which wasn’t functioning. So she asked the campus guard for help and he did fix it. Some other girls were really surprised that he had actually helped because they had just a few days asked him for help and he didn’t offer any help. They asked the lady jokingly why he favoured her and she said, ‘I usually greet him every time I pass by the gate’ And that was just it. She greeted him and he appreciated it more than she personally imagined.

Have you for example ever seen the reaction of a non staff, like the school cook or guard or cleaner when you coincidentally bump into them after you are done with school and actually recognize who they are and greet them? They most probably would give you a glowing smile, not necessarily because of the greeting but mostly because you remembered who they are. They really appreciate you for it. And that’s how it always is with people. Your simple act of kindness and respect goes a long way.

Right now most of us thump our chests and say, ‘I don’t need anyone. Kwani who are they to me? Hawanilishi hawanivishi’ Well, it may be true they don’t feed or clothe you but that doesn’t make you any better than them or them any lesser than who you are. People keep pumping it to us that we shouldn’t listen to what others tell us. That this is your life, do as you wish. You are not accountable to anyone nor does anyone have the right to question your behaviour. But where do we draw the line between self-love, our self-efficacy, our independence and straight up disrespect and narcissism?

Self-efficacy is an individual’s belief in his or her innate ability to achieve goals. 

 “And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height.” (Surah Israa: verse 37)

I agree that certainly there are circumstances whereby one needs to disregard what others say about you. Like when they make you feel inferior or paint you in an unrecognizable way. Like when people try to stop you from achieving your goals or being who you truly are. Nonetheless, bad behaviours shouldn’t be romanticized with, ‘This is who I am so like me as I am or leave’. Like really?!

I purposely highlighted bad habits because I don’t want the statement to be misunderstood. Yes, none of us is perfect. We all have personality flaws and bad behaviours. But the only time we are justified to ask people to accept us for who we are is when we are trying to be better and working on ourselves, NOT as we continue disrespecting other people or the bad habits we have.

Remember the advice of Luqman Al Hakim to his son:
[And Luqman said], “O my son, indeed if wrong should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allah is Subtle and Acquainted.O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful.And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys.” (Surah Luqman: 16-19)

Don’t allow this temporary world make you be egoistic, boastful, inconsiderate and impolite because truly, you never know who will benefit you eventually. So treat people as you would want to be treated.

Be kind. Respect others. Love yourself within limits and enough to accept your mistakes and work on being better. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Because yes, what goes around comes around. In Arabic we say, ‘Kama tadin tudan’ to mean ‘What you do unto others will eventually be done on you too!’

***
Abu Darda (RA) reported that Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one’s good manners.”(Al-Bukhari)

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TWELVE KINDS OF WOMEN YOU MEET AT THE OFFICE

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If you want to study human behavior and connection, a work place is the best to do your ‘karesearch’. When it is about women, it even gets more interesting because hey! We are all different shades of the same species. Maybe that’s why you will never hear the men say, ‘all women are the same’. We range from the weird to the witty to the sly to the shy. The list is endless. Here are a few personalities you might meet at the office.

1. The loyal one: Ma’am has been working here for the past ten years and she doesn’t seem to be leaving any time soon. She knows everything about everything including where the boss’ extra pair of socks is kept and the days to keep off the washroom from its pungent smell. She knows all the dirty and success secrets that could earn her a high position in another competing company but she is loyal remember? She is married to the company and has been faithful through thick and thin as per the vows. She has seen employees come and leave as she graciously watches. She is the ‘last woman standing’.

2. The Queen Bee: The fashionista; the lady with three other pairs of shoes under her desk, each for a different occasion or purpose. The lady you keep asking, ‘hizi perfume zako tutazipata wapi? She has an attitude that matches her looks; fierce and bold. She knows her way around the office and work just as she does with her hair. Beauty with brains ay!

3. THEE introvert: She is quiet most of the times and you probably know nothing about her apart from her name and her post at the office. It isn’t until she has to sign a form that you rush to her desk to ask, ‘Haiya! Kwani you are married?!’ ‘Yes, I even have a two year old kid’ she responds. This could be someone you’ve worked with for more than six months yet you remain oblivious of who they really are. She is still a mystery.

4. The happy-go-lucky: She has this extra-ordinary charm and energy that amuses everyone. You just don’t understand where it all comes from. She is joyous, even on Monday morning; the long dreadful Monday, the miserable Monday. Yep! She will still have something to be all flowery about. She is the kind who shouts ‘hiiii’ to everyone and readily offers free hugs. You possibly would envy her free spirit.

5. Care-free one: She doesn’t really care how everyone thinks of her or even of her dress code. One day she is dashing and gorgeous and the next, she comes with her big unkempt hair like a crown on her head while wearing the same top she wore the previous day. Her schedule is unpredictable because she is in office for two days before disappearing for the rest of the week. No one really questions her because well, she delivers! Her work is on point and the management don’t want to lose her.

6. The story-teller: She’s the first one you’d notice upon entering the office. She is loud and never lacks a story to tell. It would either be a hot gossip story or what happened to her mother in law or just complaining about this or that. She gracefully works from one desk to another with her cup of tea and a snack, creating conversations with anyone who can spare her some minutes. The office is probably boring without her because the pin-drop silence is not your norm anymore.

7. The manipulative one: She knows your weak point and also for everyone else in the office. She is cunning and knows how to take advantage of others, sometimes while you remain unaware of her tricks. She can get you to do her work, to cover up for her mistakes or her absence or entirely throw the blame at you when she is obviously the one at wrong. She can play you at your own game and you won’t even know what hit you.

8. Mother Theresa 2: She is helpful, kind and very reliable. She keeps her word and keeps time. She is loving and lovable and that automatically makes her an easy target for manipulation. Her compassionate self is soon turned into a door mat as people take advantage of her humble self that is hesitant to ever say no.

9. The lazy one: Never keeps time. Never finishes the work. Never takes responsibility. Never keeps promises. Just never…The rest of you are still wondering how she is in the payroll to date.

10. Employee of the year: She is witty, smart and creative. The office regard her highly because her brain spills wisdom and spells intelligence. She is strategic and determined in her work. The management value her presence and thoughts because they definitely know she is the gem of the office.

11. The grumpy one: Always in a bad mood; sulky and snobby. Makes you wonder whether her hormones are super active. She is careless with words and any client would definitely appreciate not being served by her. She is just not approachable.

12. The newbie: She is young, fresh and green. Oblivious of the work environment, she is passionate and determined to impress everyone in the office. She bows down to the rest of employees and serves them tea if she has to. She has the energy and is not ready to let anyone kill her spirit. She has goals and will do anything to get to where she wants to. While the rest of you watch her and say, ‘atachoka tu’, the girl is keenly drawing her map to the top.

While the office might be an interesting place and a good second home for some, it also serves as a great learning hub. This includes interpersonal skills and how to deal with very diverse personalities that you may come across in your life. This is where you learn who to avoid, who is toxic to you and who to keep close like a gem. This is where you learn that people are never the same and for you to survive in your career, you need to establish who is who. That said, who are you from the above mentioned?

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