9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.
*
Oh Allah, forgive our loved ones in their graves, have mercy on them and pardon them. Elevate their status and reunite us with them at your highest level of Jannah, Ameen
*
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10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.
1. My Emptiness
I wait for an ayah.
My eyes,
Cleft-like glass louvres on dusty windows
Close on windy days.
I miss Him.
This God of suns.
His fire,
The pride of the accursed devil,
Sings warmth to an audience of muddy skin.
I call my spine to bend
And I become
What letters are to a poem,
Unwavering shapes dressed in ink and paper,
Waiting to be read
Only
By The Ever Conscious,
The Most Beautiful,
And become a bee
Wrapped and glistened
Inside the nectar of His gaze
I wait for an ayah.
A word.
A sound in the silence.
Each passing moment lives in lips
Yet to part for air.
Oh Allah
Will You speak of
Me?
My emptiness will only break in the song of Your voice.
2. Perfume
God only crushes petals and wings.
His palm,
A distance that dwarfs entire horizons,
Breaks
The flower.
Creases rush in zig zags across the face.
Skin and bone fold
And the body is compelled by fragile compassion
To shatter its form.
I am your poem
The body says.
You speak,
And I bend into the shape of the next letter you say.
I am a word that can only become
After your voice creates me first with thought and then with sound.
In between breaths, I long for you.
There is no minute unworthy of a heartbreaking lament
At how this distance dares keep me away from you.
You are beautiful.
This heart is worthy of your creation.
How can you make something so soft hold
So much
Of what it
Feels
About you?
You crush me
And I declare in joy
My wish
To be among the ranks of flowers that offer you
The strongest perfume
For when you declare my
Death
And bring me closer to you.
3. Entropy
en•tro•py
/ˈɛntrəpi/
entropy, the measure of a system’s thermal energy per unit temperature that is unavailable for doing useful work. Because work is obtained from ordered molecular motion, the amount of entropy is also a measure of the molecular disorder, or randomness, of a system.
What happened here?
He asked.
The wind raged on,
Sails and dunes turned faceless looks to one direction.
A collision course lay between the now and the tomorrow,
And all we hope to become
Breaks
Before all we have to bear.
Time happened
I say.
There was no one left anymore.
And so everything was left to stand still.
Unattended.
Untouched.
A planet turns
And the heart stayed on its back,
Unable to be seen again.
This is the nature of entropy.
Destruction
Is promised on everything.
4. Fragrance
Open the doors to your mind, little one.
See
beyond your glass heart.
you will observe
an orbit of worlds
locked
in a tidal embrace with the sun,
twirling like pagans
inside a storm of angered gods.
and do not let the night blind you.
every part of the shadow
bends
before both bonfire and stars.
and so this suffering is merely
the Hand
that crushes the flower
to make you a perfume.
I can feel the love of Allah
in my bones
A warm, soft blanket embracing me
like a fetus in the womb
A certainty of His Mercy
engraved in my soul
Soothing me
over every hurt of tragedy
and every wound of confusion
I have taken
God
as my friend
A special love language
shared between us
Where I talk for long hours
in the deadness of the night
In murmurs
and quavers
and rambles
and He listens through it all
Keenly
Tirelessly
Repeatedly
My Lord and I
have built this bond
where I ask
and He grants me my wishes
in abundance
or in superior firms
His affection encompassing
the entirety
of my universe
Sometimes,
We sit in utter silence
Him,
Understanding the language of my heart
and I,
receiving His compassion
in portions bigger than
my form
And whenever I think of Him
a spring of gratitude gushes within me
Washing off me any residues
of doubt
and uncertainty of this life
The impermanence of this world
vivid with every death
and every departure
I want nothing of this universe
and all its planets of deceit
A splendid day will dawn
upon mankind
where souls
will be filled with euphoria
of fulfilled dreams
and enriched beauty
Yet my heart swells with
a yearning that is
richer
than all of paradise
For on that fine day
there would be nothing
more beloved
than gazing at the Magnificent Face
of My Love.
I come to you once again
Lord of my frail heart
and wandering thoughts
To You I belong
and to You
I seek refuge
from the atrocities
of my soul
I send peace and blessings
to the embodiment of Mercy
The epitome of beauty
and the essence of bravery
My beloved prophet
Muhammad
Salla Llahu aleyhi Wassalam
*
I call unto you
Ya Kareem
with dear wishes
and dire needs
that none can grant me
But You
Respond to me
My Lord
For there’s no response
more beloved to me
than Your response
*
Ya Salam
Ya Wakeel
I hand you the affairs of my mother
For her worry is too big
for the universe
and too small for You
Grant her serenity
Oh Giver of peace
when the world seems
a bit too much for her
Grant her Your Love
Ya Wadood
For she is the manifestation of widaad
donning love
in all its shapes
and all its colours
Grant her Your Highest Jannah
For You are Al Wahhab
The Great Giver of gifts
and she is Wahiba
the receiver of Your gift of giving
And what better reward than a most beautiful garden
For a lover of gardens?!
*
I pray to you
Ya Raafi’
Elevate the status of my father in the heavens
Make the angels chorus his name
Let the humans know his title
on a day that everyone
seeks Your attention
Ya Malik
Grant Him palaces next to You
of majestic, magnificent architecture
than he’s ever dreamed of
For he has raised daughters
And sons
And grandchildren
in a way that suits
Your love
and grand Mercy
*
I beg You
Oh Most Pure One
Purify my sisters
my brothers
my nephews and nieces
for they seek nothing
than Your purity
Ya Muhaymin
I beseech You to be their Guardian
and Their Light
in a world that is so wicked
and so wrong
in so many ways
Grant them goodness
Ya Barr
For you’re the source of goodness
And a Benefactor of a kind
Fill them with happiness and joy
in both this world
and the one that comes
next
*
Ya Rahman
I have loved ones in the graves
Ones that I miss dearly
Ones that I pray for mostly
Pardon them
Oh Pardoner
Illuminate their spaces
in a way that befits You
Ya An-Nur
Grant them new homes
more beautiful
Than they left behind
Grant us a reunion
more joyful
more blissful
more pleasant
than we could ever envision.
*
I invoke you
Ya Baasit
Extend to me,
my lovely family,
my cherished friends,
and my very dear ones
Your Mercy
in all that we do
Guide us to Your path
and make us steadfast
in it
Give us wisdom
when we are blinded by the world
Grant us ease
when nothing seems easy
Enrich us, Ya Mughni
with faith
and hope
with contentment
and peace
with love
and compassion
Make us among Your favourites
for I yearn for nothing
more than that
Oh My Beloved.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
Photo by Idina Risk from Pexels
I beseech Your aid
Oh God
For my heart has become a graveyard
with withered flowers
and weeds of undesirability
I can no longer bear the weight
of the caskets carrying
the deadness of my emotions
My doom-laden pillars crumbling
at the height of my anxiety
and my tombstone
displaying engravings
of all the letters
of pain
***
I invoke you
Ya Allah
This desolation
has brought me to my knees
My hands raised high
to the sky
Save me, Oh God
For my mind has become
a battle field of abrupt wars
and hostile armies
Only this time
I am both the ally
and the enemy
Corpses of my thoughts
lie around like hungry fleas
sucking the life
out of me.
***
I beg for mercy
My Lord,
This affliction
is wrecking my soul
An air hunger seizing my lungs
amid a thunderstorm of craze
A heavy downpour of anguish
floods my entire being
while the strong winds howl
at the loss
of my sanity
***
I implore you
My Creator
For a miracle
When everything seems impossible
Let your
Light
Beam through this shadow
Turn the valley of my wounds
Into river beds
Where your Mercy
Can flow through
If my soul is in the shade that pleases you
Then I ask,
O Maker of suns,
To show me how to bloom.
I pray.
I pray.
I pray.
Have you ever seen a nightingale sing?
When the clouds are white
and gray
and orangish blue
When the sun is still peeping shyly
through the sky
like a child who’s still learning
to carry
the weight of her mother tongue
There are some things you notice
only when you’re in glee
When the heart is at rest
with its existence in the world
Like the first touch of fresh, cool air
when it reaches your lungs
Cleansing you of all dust
and ashes
Blowing your noodle-like hair around
Strands of it lingering on your radiant face
The gentle swishing of leaves
dance to the reviving melody of the nightingale
The sun rays,
a strong energy of red
and the happiness of yellow,
piercing through your ebony eyes
glittering
like they were dipped in perfect shades of olive
and brown
Your mother’s honey voice
hums silkily
in the vastness of her love
She sings a song of enchantment
A tune already engraved on your soul
Her maroon white hair rests weakly on her shoulders
You stand side by side
Fingers interlocked delicately
as you watch the tan beauty
perching on one of the branches
in the lush green forest
It serenades your souls
with the procession of rippling whistles,
and trills,
and gurgles
that makes the entire universe stand still
Listening to the powerful performance
of an exquisite bird
A gentle trickling sound
of a river
meanders by
Possessing your entire being
with a solace
unknown
A poet stands to watch
and a writer
and an artist
The muse is in front of them
unraveling
all the magic of dawn
And you stand there too
You glance at your frail mother
as she raises her head from
the wheelchair
to look at you
Her eyes twinkling
as she beams with bliss
And it just seems like God
has pinned you as a favourite today
Because suddenly,
everything has a tune of joy
to it.
On this day,
It feels like the universe
is shining
on you.
I don’t think they give you enough credit
Father
That you’re a man beyond
the role of a provider
A protector
shielding us from the world
that is vile
and evil
A man whose sole purpose
is to exist as a rock
for the whole family
to lean on
And even when you’re crumbling inside
you’re not allowed to
be anything less than a lion
*
I don’t think they appreciate you enough
when you carry us;
heavy, grown teenagers
weighing a soul and bags of bones
to our beds
Our eyes asleep
to the love in your eyes
Our hearts deceived
by the definition of you
A man whose value goes lower
with every gift you’re unable to buy
and with every problem you’re unable to solve
I believe you’re brave to hold the world
of your one
Two
Ten
children
on top of your head
Balancing it
with your steady feet
on a very shaky ground
No one gets to see the melancholy in your heart
when things are falling apart
Because everyone depends on you
to hold them together
Be their string and glue
Be the man you’re expected to be
*
I don’t think they cherish you enough
Father
When you smile and act like a clown
to crack us up into wild laughter
Making us believe that this world is indeed
rainbows and unicorns and ice cream
Your love is something else
out of this world
You put your entire well-being aside
to be there
for the people you hold dear
I don’t see a better definition
of love
than your love
Father.
Nobody teaches you
how to love
a narcissistic son
How to wrap your arms
around the grand ego
engulfing his tiny body
Willing to snatch the pride
off the tip of his tongue,
to swallow it on his behalf.
And in the rushing cold that fills his soul,
show him how to
empathize
with the agony
of the world
To bow
low enough
so he can see through
the lenses of humility.
Nobody teaches you
how to strip off
the clothes of vanity
that he adorns himself with,
burning away
any remnants
of decency in himself
for the world to applaud
Flaunting
like a sun
with whole worlds revolving
around him.
Nobody teaches you
how to embrace him
when his hugs bear
the softness of cactus thorns
tearing your heart apart.
A bitter lump
rising in your throat
when his venom words are spat out
to humiliate
and intimidate
and demean.
Nobody teaches you
how to mould a son
that stands tall
to compete with the might of mountains
Stamping his feet
on every living creature
like a dirty rug
Worthless.
Invaluable.
Defective.
Nobody teaches you
how to love a son
who believes
in the godliness of his self.
***
This poem reached the semi-finals (top 8% among the over 3,500 poems submitted) in the 2020 Jack Grapes Poetry Prize alhamdulilah!! Immense gratitude to my poetry teacher and inspiration, Finch (Ahmed Shayo) for constantly pushing me to improve my art. Been staring at my name y’all, still can’t believe it 😀 Anyway, here’s the link to the semi-finalists so you can enjoy the moment with me 🙂 : https://www.culturalweekly.com/2020-jack-grapes-poetry-prize-the-semifinalists/ (Winners have already been announced by the way 🙂 ) Thank you for your constant support!
Image Courtesy: https://weheartit.com/entry/334051433
Whenever I miss you,
which is as often
as the sun rising from the East,
the dawn of your thoughts
take possession
of my brittle mind
penetrating through the cracked, glass window
of my soul
like the early sun rays
ready to conquer my heart
yet one more time.
The adhan is but a symbol
of the timelessness
of my love
waking me up from
the depths of my fantasy
The wudhu’s cold touch
hauls me back to reality
washing off me
the residues
of yesterday’s ache.
Whenever I remember you,
a strong tide
of sorrow
takes over the
ocean of emotions
within my soul
pulling me further out
into the embrace of distance.
In absolute agony,
I lay down my mswallah
that you once gave me
and make i’tikaf on it
talking to My Most Beloved
of you,
my beloved.
There is only one pure way
to love
so I raise my hands
to the Almighty
and place you
in His loving hands.
A testament of love
that none can dare
come between.
My tongue is wet,
heavy on the
Allahu Must3an
because God knows
only He can extinguish
the turmoil engulfing the
heart of a lover
with flames
of grief.
I call on the Lord of Ibrahim
to save me
from the blaze set on my being
I call on the Lord of Ayub, and the Lord of Ya’qub
to grant me
a beautiful patience
I call on the Lord of Yunus
to rescue me from
the hollowness of the darkness.
The hadith says,
‘The guider towards good
is like the doer’
so I recite every letter of the Qur’an
with reflection
with deliberation
hoping that for every 10 rewards,
you get a share of it.
With every mention and longing,
during the wee hours of the night
you are raised in status
With every dua
that I beg Allah
to grant you,
the angels can say
‘And for you is the same’.
If we’re not meant to be
in this world
then I am content
cherishing your very existence
in the same universe as I do
loving you at a distance,
through my prolonged sujood.
Let the ground that I prostrate on
be a witness
of all the times
I ask Allah
of His Mercy
Upon you.
***
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