By: Swaleh Arif Sayyid Ali
Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.
Praise and blessings be upon His Beloved messenger, Muhammad (pbuh).
Recently an article was posted, entitled ‘Dear Future Wife’. It tried to describe what men want from women during marriage. Consequently, the article received some backlash, understandably so. However, the criticism, to me, was too scathing and the approach made was not the best one. Admittedly, I did place myself in the position of current and future wives, thereby understanding their anger towards the aforementioned article. As a result, I have decided to write my own version of ‘Dear Future Wife’. Feedback is welcome, positive or otherwise. Bear in mind though, ninety per cent of what you’ll read didn’t come from me, I’m simply re-telling what’s been forgotten…
Dear future wife,
Before I begin, I’d like to give you salaam and may Allah’s Grace and Mercy be upon you always and forever.
As a man living in the 21st century, I have seen how marriage has been degraded to something that is almost worthless (thanks to our own forgetfulness and the emergence of western idealism). However, I’m not writing to you about the failings of society, I’m writing to you about what to expect from me as your future husband.
Marriage is holy and sacred. To seek guidance on something of this nature, one needs to look no further than the Holy Qur’an and the Sunnah of the prophet Muhammad (pbuh). One of my greatest wishes is to be the best husband a wife could ever ask for. The only way I can be that person, my beloved, is by treating you the same way the prophet (pbuh) treated his wives. I know I’ll never reach his level, but rest assured that I’ll do everything within my power to be the kind of husband that Allah and His Messenger (pbuh) will approve of.
I don’t expect you to cook for me. That’s my privilege and not your responsibility. Cook because you want to, not because you have to. I want to know that my dish was prepared with love and your only aim is to please The Almighty (by pleasing me). No matter how bad your food will be, I won’t frown, or abuse you, or even beat you (Allah protect me from such). Rather, expect me to smile and say it was the best dish I’d ever tasted. I’ll eat from the same plate as you, drink from the same cup as you and feed you from my hand. That is an act of charity before the eyes of our Creator.
You’re my other half. I won’t shut you out from my daily affairs, because I will want to seek advice and guidance from you about important issues. You may know something I don’t, there’s no shame in that. I’m willing to quit watching football just so I can spend more time with you. It sounds far-fetched, I know. But you’re my wife and you’ll always come first.
When you’re sad, I’ll be the first person to rush towards you and hug you. I’ll wipe the tears from your face and call you by all those sweet names that you’ll adore so much. I’ll exercise tolerance with love and patience,observe silence when you snap at me during your mood swings, and overlook your flaws while focusing on your desireable traits.
My beloved, there’s so much I want to say, but I’ll stop here. What I have left out, I’ll make sure to add on it through actions once we’re married inshaAllah. Words are worthless if they’re not backed by actions. I know what I’ve promised sounds unfeasible, but if Muhammad (pbuh) could do it, then there’s no reason why I can’t as well bi idhinillah. All I ask, is for you to do good and abstain from evil, in order for our marriage to prosper. For now, know that I have carved out a niche in my heart, waiting for you to fill it.
And Allah knows best.