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My younger sister studied Islamic Finance and thus did a unit on wealth management, a subject that she’s deeply passionate about. So a couple of months back, I noticed that whenever she’d be contemplating to buy something she’d say to herself, ‘أو كلما اشتهيت اشتريت’ (Is it that whenever you desire something, you buy it?) or when we’d be walking in the market or just the street and notice something we like, but cannot really afford it at the time, she’d say the same. I later came to find out that this words were actually from Umar ibn Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him.

عن جابر بن عبدالله رضي الله عنه أنه قال: رأى عمر بن الخطاب لحمًا معلقًا في يديّ فقال: ماهذا يا جابر؟ قلت اشتهيت لحمًا فاشتريته، فقال عمر: أو كلما اشتهيت اشتريت ياجابر، أما تخاف هذه الآية ( أَذْهَبْتُمْ طَيِّبَاتِكُمْ فِي حَيَاتِكُمُ الدُّنْيَا) سورة الأحقاف آية (20).” (https://al-maktaba.org/book/31621/62202#p3)

On the authority of Jaber bin Abdullah, may God be pleased with him, he said: Omar bin Al-Khattab saw meat hanging in my hands and said: What is this, Jabir? I said, I craved meat, so I bought it. Omar said: Is it that whenever you desire something, you buy it?, O Jabir. Do you not fear this verse (You have exhausted your share of the bounties in the life of the world…)?!” Surah Al-Ahqaf, verse (20)

The point Umar may Allah be pleased with him was trying to make, wasn’t to prohibit him from eating meat but rather to remind him of the moderation that is required in Islam. To make him distinguish between a want and a need. And so I’ve been pondering about this phrase that has become a favourite phrase between my sister and I.

In a world of instant gratification, where everything is a phone call away, or a tap away, materialism and consumerism has become so common. Every app you open, there is a new trendy item, a new top-notch vacation location, a new exciting trip… We go crazy over Black Friday, Clearance sale and Offers, wanting everything we come across, wanting to experience all the cool experiences. It is so easy for any of us to be lured and enticed into spending, sometimes on things we don’t even use or will take ages before we ever need them.

Now, the goal here isn’t that people shouldn’t enjoy life or spend on what they love. But rather, being mindful and moderate in our spending and consumption. Indeed it is Allah Subhanahu Wataala who said in Surat Qasas, verse 77, …Seek the ˹reward˺ of the Hereafter by means of what Allah has granted you, without forgetting your share of this world.”

Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about this verse, and he said: It means living, eating and drinking without imposing unnecessary restrictions on oneself.”(Al-Muntaqa  4/302). This view is supported by the words that precede these: { But seek, through that which Allah has given you, the home of the Hereafter} [al-Qasas 28:77]. In other words: use what Allah has given you of this abundant wealth and blessings to obey your Lord and seek to draw close to Him by doing different acts of worship and righteous deeds, through which you may attain reward in the hereafter, yet at the same time do not forget your share of this world. So We do not instruct you to give all your wealth in charity and leave yourself destitute; rather spend for your hereafter and enjoy your life in this world in such a way that will not harm your faith or your hereafter.” See: Tafsir at-Tabari (19/625); Tafsir Ibn Kathir (6/253); Zad al-Masir (6/241); Tafsir as-Sa‘di (p. 623).

Allah in Qur’an says: “And let not your hand be tied (like a miser) to your neck, nor stretch it forth to its utmost reach (like a spendthrift), so that you become blameworthy and in severe poverty” (Al-Qur’an, Al-Isra: 29). Also in a Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: “Spend according to your means; and do not hoard, for Allah will withhold from you.” (Al-Muslim, Book of Zakah, Vol 3, Hadith No. 2378). 

Islam requires us to have restraint and discipline when it comes to our desires. It is thus important to always think whenever we want to purchase something, whether materials or food or even an experience. Is it a need or a want? Is there something else that is a bigger priority? Can I do without it? For example, many of us have piles and piles of clothes, gathering dust in our wardrobes, yet we rush for shopping sprees even when it is unnecessary.

In a world that promotes wastefulness and extravagance, in a world of ‘You Only Live Once’, ‘Shop Till You Drop’ and ‘Buy Now, Pay Later’, let us strive to be among those who embrace minimalism. Let us borrow from the simple and humble lifestyle of our prophet peace be upon him by being content, utilizing our resources wisely and living within our means. We have so many people, both young and old, who nowadays go deep in debts to live a lifestyle that they cannot even afford. And sometimes, this is fueled by watching, admiring or even envying what we see on social media or around us, forgetting it is a curated lifestyle. The Prophet said, “Contentment is a treasure that is never exhausted.” And in another hadith he said, “Wealth is not in having many possessions, but rather (true) wealth is feeling sufficiency in the soul.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 6446)

There is a tradition my sister learnt from our elder cousin (Allah Ybarik) where whenever she’d buy something, she’d give out one of her pre-owned items. So if she buys a new abaya, she gives out one (or more) of her previous ones (still in a good state) to close family members or anyone deserving. If she buys a pair of shoes, she gives out another. This is to avoid hoarding, encourage charity and ensure mindfulness in spending and consuming. I thus share this tradition with you all with the hope that you’ll also embrace it and pass it to your loved ones too. The prophet peace be upon him said, “He who introduced some good practice in Islam which was followed after him (by people) he would be assured of reward like one who followed it, without their rewards being diminished in any respect…” (Sahih Muslim 1017e)

With Eidul Hajj fast approaching here is a reminder to be mindful in your spending and eating. I know they’ll be plenty of meat for some families, yet let us remember, moderation, moderation, moderation. Let us avoid extravagance. Let us not obsess over what we lack, comparing ourselves to others. Remember that everyone is missing something they yearn for. So let us focus on what Allah has blessed us with instead, be grateful and content with what we already have.

And whenever you’re about to buy something unnecessary, remember the words of Umar may Allah be pleased with him,

“!أو كلما اشتهيت اشتريت”

***

The Day of Arafah, the Day for Duas is around the corner. I hope you have your list all the things and matters you wish for from Allah, however impossible it may seem. Please do remember me and my family in your duas. May Allah accept from us, forgive us, guide us and comfort our souls with answered duas, ameen. Have a blessed time and a lovely Eid good people 🙂

*Musings: A period of reflection or thought.

I was never the kind to delete a phone number after someone close passed away. I would always hold onto it as if miraculously I’d realize it was just a terrible dream and my person was still there with me. Alive. Healthy. Never any better. That’s how I held onto mama two’s contact until I lost it when I changed phones. It was always like a souvenir where I’d open her contact details and just stare at them longingly. Grief does that to you sometimes. You ruminate on how she could have been now, what she’d be doing, how she’d react to your growth and achievements and what she’d have said on different occasions. You remember how she’d call when you were late home and lovingly say, ‘my baby’ whenever you picked up the phone. You’d remember how she’d fill your bedroom wall with hand-written motivational quotes for your studies. You’d remember how she’d sacrifice her sleep to wake you up to study late at night. You remember a lot of things…

However much time passes, her memory is always there. Like a stubborn stain on a cloth. And everything and everyone reminds me of her. I recently met mama two’s very old friend for the first time. She looked young and healthy and she was very bubbly mashallah. My first thought was, so this is how she’d looked (age-wise) had she been alive to date? She died so young, didn’t she? Is this how charming she would have been with my nieces and nephews had she met them? I bet she would have been so for she was the most loving and caring aunt ever.

The grief follows me around always but sometimes I dream of her. Once she was combing my hair like how she’d do when we were young, another time she was seated with me in the backseat of a car and she was holding me close; my head on her chest, another time she kissed me on my cheek. Whenever I’d have these seemingly very real dreams, I’d ask her, ‘But aren’t you dead?’ That’s always the question, but I never get a response. When I’d wake up from such dreams, I’d be emotional but also very happy because it feels like a gentle squeeze of my hand. Like a reassurance that she is okay (I pray she is). That she is with me even if far away.

I always regard these dreams as Allah’s mercy on me. That Allah knows how much I miss her so He brings her into my dreams so that it can comfort me. So that it can give me joy, even for a short moment. And it warms my heart that Allah keeps gifting me these beautiful dreams of her. The thought of it makes me wonder how much more Allah Subhanahu Wataala can be merciful to me? To us?

Many times we think of Allah’s mercy in terms of repentance and forgiveness such that sometimes we overlook these seemingly ‘small’ mercies of His. Like when you’re having a terrible day and a message pops us where a good friend is expressing gratitude and love to you. Or when you’re very broke and He brings forth someone to purchase your goods unexpectedly. Or when you’re ill and Allah gives you relief by allowing you to pray seated or even lying down. Or when someone speaks well about your deceased loved one and it warms your heart. Or when you’re sad and feeling low and Allah grants you a job opportunity that you’ve praying for. Subhanallah, when you think deeply about it, we’re always in Allah’s mercy-one way or another.

I started a gratitude journal on my phone early this year. There were days I could easily write what I was grateful for -like when I graduated, or when my article was published, or when my books were purchased. Yet there were some long days, some mundane days too that I had to think for a while on what I was grateful for. Days whereby nothing extraordinary happened. But this is when you get to realize the small ways Allah comes through for you. Like when I was having severe anxiety and I couldn’t point out where the issue was exactly but Allah guided me to realize it and deal with it. Or on a very normal day and I got to buy something I couldn’t afford before. Or when I was sad and I had a very beautiful conversation with my mother and sister about life, it uplifted me. Or when a dua I asked for, a very long time ago was finally answered even though I had forgotten about it. This is all by Allah’s mercy. The relief we get. The joy we get. The love and compassion that others give us. The beautiful bonds we have with our families and friends. The good people who volunteer to help us without expecting anything in return. The unexpected rizq that we get when we have no money at all. The opportunities that open up for us. It’s all by Allah’s mercy.

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Allah created one hundred units of mercy on the Day He created the heavens and the earth. Each one of them can contain all that is between the heaven and the earth. Of them, he put one on earth, through which a mother has compassion for her children and animals and birds have compassion for one another. On the Day of Resurrection, He will perfect and complete His Mercy”. (That is He will use all the hundred units of mercy for his slaves on that Day). [ Riyad as-Salihin 420]

Subhanallah, how amazing is our Lord? And if what we’re experiencing is just ONE UNIT of His mercy, how much more can we expect from Him on the Day of Judgment?

May Allah grant us His mercy and may we always be among those who identify it and appreciate it. May He enable us to be among His most Grateful servants.

May Allah have mercy upon our loved ones who’ve passed away. May He elevate their status and make their graves to be gardens from the gardens of Jannah. May He make them among the dwellers of Jannatul Firdaus and may He reunite us with all our loved ones there, Ameen.

*

Ramadhan Mubarak good people! I pray that your Ramadhan started well in shaa Allah. Talking about gratitude, I challenge you to download a gratitude app (I am currently using ‘Presently’, it’s free and works well for me so far) or get a small notebook where you note down every day, the way Allah comes through for you by His mercy. You’ll be amazed!

Also, for those interested in participating in charity for the poor, orphans, widows, the sick, indebted, reverts etc, kindly contact me at 0704 731 560, in shaa Allah I’ll directly link you up with deserving families.

May Allah accept our good deeds and make us firm in His deen. May our duas be answered most beautifully that He knows best. May He grant us relief from all our worries and distress and may He grant us forgiveness for all our shortcomings. Ameen ameen. Please do remember me in your duas 🙂

Someone asked about you today, and for the first time, I smiled. And I smiled more at my ability to smile. I didn’t have tears in my eyes, or heaviness in my chest. For the first time, I wasn’t a time bomb ready to tick off at the very mention of your name. Instead, I talked about you the same way I talk about the moon; so far yet so near. A beauty that demands to be felt and remembered and cherished. Then it hit me; this is truly the beginning of the end.

The end of an era.

The end of the beginning.

***

I divide my lifespan into two; before you and after you. Yes, that is very much a thing. Because it is only once in a lifetime that we meet people who shift our lives; turn our lives around 360 degrees, move our souls from point A to point B, give us glasses so we can view the world from their eyes, and oh the beauty! The beauty of seeing me through you…You changed my life in ways I never thought possible. You added colour into my life, and you know, I love colours! I became a different person. I am a different person.

Grieving you has been the most painful process. It is just one of those losses you expect to carry along with you forever. You heal, but you never realllyyy heal you know? But that’s not how I want to remember you. I have been back and forth with the stages of grief; up and down with it for years, and there’s a lot of ugliness, bitterness, anger and darkness. There’s a lot that I had to unpack to get where I am today; the beginning of the end, so today I choose how I want to honour your memory.

I want to remember you for restoring my faith in humanity. For showing me compassion I never thought I deserved. A level of compassion I never thought existed, at least not for me. For reminding me that a giver ought to receive too. For being kind to me even in instances when I was extremely difficult. For giving me a new meaning of empathy and friendship.

I want to remember your loud laughter that came so easily. For the entire meme conversations we’d have. For the times when I’d be overthinking and you’d tease me for my ridiculous and wild thoughts and in turn, made me laugh too. For the moments we’d laugh at our own misery and laugh even more at our own helplessness. For the times you’d chuckle at my pronunciation whenever I said ‘Allahu Must3an’ and you’d try to imitate me. I want to recall how you could make me laugh and smile even at the very lowest points in my life.

I want to cherish the memory of you for letting me be myself, even when I was unlikable. For always telling me, ‘what if it all works out?’ when I had so much anxiety and many doubts. For making me look at myself (right after crying) in the mirror and smile for as long as it would take until I could genuinely smile. For staying around when I pushed everyone away. For staying around when I needed you around.

I am grateful for the way you saw me; my bare soul. You cherished it and honoured it more than anyone else ever did. That you understood me deeply; both my spoken words and my deep silence. That you gave me a safe haven to talk about anything without feeling judged or misunderstood. And I want to remember that. I want to remember what it means to be held dearly and be loved purely and wholeheartedly.

You pushed me to be better, always. And you cared so deeply I actually believed that anything could be possible for me. And I want to remember it all. The whole of it; the moments you stayed silently by my side till I could get a hold of my breath, the moments you talked to me for so long even when you had your own heavy burdens weighing you down.

I want to recall all the nicknames you had for me. The funny ones, the silly ones, the annoying ones. I want to remember how they came about. All the exceptional and hilarious movie characters that you thought were me. I want to remember the conversations we had on life; from travel to religion to family to our deepest selves.

Conversations on God with you were my favourite. There was only one way to describe that profoundness; that you were my gift from Allah. However temporary a gift is, it still remains to be valuable…unforgettable.

Someone asked me about you today, and I smiled. I’m sure you’d be proud of me. Proud of the growth that came from the very long, exhausting journey. Proud that I kept my word to fulfill my 2020 goal. Yet somehow, you’d still know that I am crying as I write this. You knew me painfully well, darn you! But I also know what you’d say: ‘sasa walia nini mwanamke?’ and somehow, just somehow, you’d be able to make me laugh right after.

This feels like the beginning of the end. I’m finally learning to let you go; to leave you in the hands of He who brought you to me in the first place. And it is a very bitter-sweet moment. Bitter because, will I ever be lucky to find such a deep, heart-felt friendship ever again? Sweet because, I know Allah will take way better care of you than I would ever have. Either way, I am glad of the growth. The fog seems to be settling. If I’m lucky, perhaps I’ll finally reach the light.

To say you’re missed is an understatement. But your memory will always remain intact with me, I promise. I will remember you with every sunset, and every drone taking breath-taking photographs, and every angry sheikh lecturing with so much intensity lool and every human that has to be reminded to smile and every meme collection that I would have otherwise sent you while you complain about the spams haha. The list is long but you get the gist?

My prayer is that you’re in a better and happier place; both physically and emotionally. May Allah place you under His wing of mercy. May He love you, may He take care of you like you did with me… and more, may He bless you, and may He fill your soul with peace, joy, and tranquility.

This is how I choose to let you go– You might be away but still in my duas.

I say thank you for everything. Thank you for being you.

Stay safe favourite human…please take care of your soul 🙂

Love,

Sierra.

***

There is that moment before everything changes. That one long second before everything turns sour. That one long second of total oblivion. You, at one of the beach stalls, laughing with your friend at how ridiculous you look with the sunglasses you want to purchase. The vendor looking at you amusingly. The old mirror reflecting your big grin and a huge pimple that just won’t go away. Your friend makes a silly joke about your indecisiveness while you make funny faces, still staring at the mirror. The sea waves are almost touching your feet. The fresh breeze is brushing on your face. You are fully absorbed at this moment; at this nothingness, or perhaps ‘somethingness’. See this moment, hold onto it for a second longer. Freeze. Pause. Take it all in.

Before you know it, you’re out of breath. Your hand on your chest. Your knees touching the white sand. The old mirror is shattered beneath you; thousands and thousands of broken pieces. Like your heart. Like this moment. You are sweating. You are shivering. Your heart is palpitating. You are losing control. Your friend is nudging you vehemently, she asks what is wrong. The vendor is p.e.t.r.i.f.i.e.d. He probably thinks you have a jinn. Maybe a sea jinn even. He takes a step back, slowly, while still asking you whether you are okay. Of course, he doesn’t want to seem like a coward. He cares. He is empathetic. But then, *insert Kenyan accent* ‘weuh! bravery for who?!’ People start to notice. Someone is asking someone to call for an ambulance. Who is someone though?

There is that moment before everything changes. Loud sirens. Silent weeping of your friend holding your hand. A machine beeping beside you. Constricted space. You.cannot.breathe.

You’re wheeled into the hospital. There is a lot of movement. A lot of whispers. A blurred sight of your friend talking to the doctor while tearing a lot. Darkness. Blurred sight. More beeping machines. Blurred sight again. Total darkness.

There is that moment before everything changes. You sleeping in your hospital bed, your parents by your side, your friends around you. The doctor then breaks it to you. You have just a couple of months to live. Everyone is crying loudly now. There are only a few times you are ‘let’ to cry in front of a dying patient. In fact, there are only a few times where you can ‘comfortably’ cry in front of anyone. This is one of those times. So everyone is probably making the best of it. Some are crying more than expected; they’ve probably been holding too many suppressed emotions. Some are too silent; they’re too loud.

There is that moment before everything changes. That one long second. That oblivion. Unfreeze the moment now. Can you see it? The pure joy? The hearty smile? The friendly touch? The silly actions? That one annoying pimple on your face that won’t just go away? Wouldn’t you do anything to experience it again? Wouldn’t you do everything to just pause that moment and take it all in? Feel the bliss? Appreciate the ocean? Laugh a little louder? Hug your friend tighter?

There is that moment before everything changes. It could be this one long second right now. Maybe, just maybe, you should take it aalll in.

***

It’s been a while my good people. Thank you for staying tuned always. Thank you for your time 🙂 Please subscribe!

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