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TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 4)

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To read part 3, kindly click here

Broken Homes

The Swahilis have a saying that goes like, ‘Ndoa ni kuingiza mkono gizani’ (Marriage is like putting your hand into darkness (let’s say like a dark hole of sorts). This is to mean that whatever comes after the nikah is done is totally uncertain and unknown. However much you might think you know a person before marriage, this new phase is something totally different. It is unpredictable. It is filled with surprises and sometimes shocks too. And a lot of patience is needed.

Marriage is not a bed of roses just like it isn’t an absolute nightmare. There will always be highs and lows. Yet if you ask anyone who is walking into marriage no one will ever tell you that they intend to get divorced after two or three years. No one wants that for themselves and no one even expects it. We all dream of happy, blissful homes, and despite the ups and downs, we want to stay with our partners until our hair turns grey and our faces are filled with wrinkles. We want to have children who will be brilliant in intellect and wonderful in character and who will serve us until our final breath. However, that is not always the reality.

How many times have we heard of cases of domestic violence or emotional abuse or infidelity among spouses? Of fathers raping their children and mothers forming romantic relationships with their sons? Of once very loving partners now dragging each other in courts of law and hanging their dirty linen outside? Of children attempting to kill their own parents or siblings? How many times? It is so easy for us to think, ‘that could never be me’ yet how many times have we witnessed the tables turn, and in the worst way possible?

Most of us fail to realize how fragile our fates are and how we are in desperate need of Allah’s mercy and protection. Don’t let it confuse you-not every spoilt, criminal child is a result of a poor upbringing, and not every divorced partner is a result of awful character. For how many times have we witnessed pious, humble spouses from good families having the cruelest children who were but a test to them? And how many times have we seen two good individuals who were better in their separate ways rather than in a marriage? And how many negligent parents have the most responsible and kind children?

Allah Subhanahu Wataala says in Surat Al Furqan, verse 20: ‘…And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.’

Think about it- Nabii Lut’s wife, Nabii Nuh’s son, Nabii Ibrahim’s father were among the disbelievers. Nabii Yusuf’s brothers were the plotters against him, and Asiya’s husband, Fira’un, was the worst man to have walked this earth….

Think about the boy who was killed by Al Khidr during his journey with Nabii Musa aleyhi ssalam in Surat Kahf (verse 80 – 81) And Al Khidr explains to Nabii Musa why he ended the boy’s life in this verse:

“And as for the boy, his parents were ˹true˺ believers, and we feared that he would pressure them into defiance and disbelief. So we hoped that their Lord would give them another, more virtuous and caring in his place.”

This was a mercy from Allah to the parents-saving them from a child who was potentially going to mislead them. Yet sometimes Allah allows the child to live on and become a test to his parents.

Similarly, think of the case of Zaid ibn Harith (the adopted son of the prophet peace be upon him) who had to divorce Zeinab bint Jahsh because of the troubles in their marriage despite both of them being among the sahabas; good, pious people. And Allah Subhanahu Wataala revealed to the prophet peace be upon him to marry Zeinab after the divorce (And this was to show the validity of marrying an adopted son’s ex-wife).

…The list goes on and on. Weren’t these prophets and most pious individuals? Yet they too endured tests within their families Subhanallah.

'O you who have believed, indeed, among your spouses and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive - then indeed, Allāh is Forgiving and Merciful. Your wealth and your children are but a trial, and Allah has with Him a great reward.'

(Surat At-Taghabun, verse 14 - 15)

When I was younger I used to think that if a spouse is pious and affectionate with their spouse, and they raised their children upon the deen then nothing could ever go wrong. But boy, didn’t life open up my eyes? It is very scary and sad when we look around our own families and friends’ marriages and see the kind of struggles people have to endure. And for every one person that I meet that says, ‘Get married, it is such a beautiful thing’ I meet four others who say, ‘Don’t rush. Take your time for what awaits on the other side is not a joke.’ It is even more heartbreaking to see what children have to endure as a result of broken homes or the kind of monsters created within them from the experiences they endure. Or sometimes we see parents violate and abuse their own children and vice versa, and it really terrifies me that none of us is guaranteed an upright spouse who will fear Allah on you and your children or children who will honour you after you gave them the best kind of upbringing.

It all goes back to what Allah has decreed upon us- and sometimes, these same people who are meant to be blessings, become the hardest trials upon us (May Allah protect us). I think it is timely to say that, the next time you see someone in a tough marriage, or who is divorced, don’t be quick to judge their character or religiosity. Just the same way when you see a child abusing drugs or harming his/her own family members, don’t be quick to point fingers at the parents for poor upbringing. And of course, these trials are not necessarily only within the direct family. Sometimes the in-laws are the test, or one’s parents or grandparents, or siblings or extended family.

Truly life is not simply black and white. If anything, whenever we see someone suffering at the hands of their own people, or when we see people harming their own loved ones, we should be quick to make dua for them and for ourselves, our children, and our families -for very very easily could we be tested the same exact way or worse.

*

Ya Allah, we come to you with our hopes and fears with regards to our homes.

Ya Allah, please grant us peaceful homes that will be filled with Your remembrance. Please grant us spouses, children, families and in-laws who will be huge blessings to us, and us to them. Ya Allah, please do not test us with our spouses, children, parents, siblings, families or in-laws. Ya Allah make our families have the fear of You with regards to us and enable us to be among Your most beloved worshippers.

Ya Allah, please grant us spouses who will bring us closer to you. Who will be merciful, kind and compassionate towards us throughout the highs and lows of life. Ya Allah make them fit in well with our families and let us fit well with their families. Ya Allah make our spouses honour our parents like their own and make us do the same for their parents. Ya Allah grant us an understanding of one another, patience towards each others’ shortcomings and love and mercy that lasts till Jannah.

Ya Allah grant us offsprings who will grow up in Your remembrance; who will love You and dedicate their lives to your worship. Ya Allah make Your book, the Qur’an, beloved to them and to us, and make them among those who not only recite it beautifully but memorize it and apply its teachings to their lives.

Ya Allah, if you have written for us spouses and offspring who will be a test for us, we beg You to change that fate for us and grant us in their place spouses and offspring who will be a huge blessing to us.

Ya Allah make our spouses, children, and families feel most safe with us, and may we feel most safe with them. Ya Allah protect us from divorce, and unhappy marriages that can only be survived and endured, and lifeless marriages that lack love and compassion, and ungrateful children and displeasure of parents and cruelty of in-laws.

Ya Allah please bless our homes and protect us from all evil, conflict, ayn, hasad and sihr.

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

‘Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.’

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ

‘My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring.’


رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ

‘My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and from my descendants. Our Lord, and accept my supplication.’

رَبَّنَا وَٱجْعَلْنَا مُسْلِمَيْنِ لَكَ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِنَآ أُمَّةًۭ مُّسْلِمَةًۭ لَّكَ وَأَرِنَا مَنَاسِكَنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَآ ۖ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلتَّوَّابُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ

‘Our Lord! Make us submissive to You and make out of our descendants a community that submits itself to You, and show us the ways of Your worship, and turn to us in mercy. You are Much-Relenting, Most Compassionate.’


رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَالِدَيَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضَاهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِي ۖ إِنِّي تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِين

‘My Lord! Inspire me to ˹always˺ be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instil righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit ˹to Your Will˺.’

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنْ لَدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً ۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ

‘My Lord, grant me from Yourself a good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication.’

اللَّهُمَّ أَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِنَا وَأَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنَا وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلاَمِ وَنَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّورِ وَجَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَبَارِكْ لَنَا فِي أَسْمَاعِنَا وَأَبْصَارِنَا وَقُلُوبِنَا وَأَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ وَاجْعَلْنَا شَاكِرِينَ لِنِعْمَتِكَ مُثْنِينَ بِهَا قَابِلِيهَا وَأَتِمَّهَا عَلَيْنَا‏.‏

‘O Allah, join our hearts, mend our social relationship, guide us to the path of peace, bring us from darkness to light, save us from obscenities, outward or inward, and bless our ears, our eyes, our hearts, our wives, our children, and relent toward us; Thou art the Relenting, the Merciful. And make us grateful for Thy blessing and make us praise it while accepting it and give it to us in full.’

Ameen ameen ameen!

***

Alhamdulilah we are blessed to be alive within the last ten days of Ramadhan. May Allah grant us the chance to experience laylatul qadr while in worship. May He grant us redemption, accept our good deeds and elevate our status, ameen!

Kindly subscribe below to stay tuned with part 5 of this series: ‘Getting attached to the Dunya’ in Shaa Allah. And please share the link to your networks, shukran! Stay blessed in shaa Allah 🙂

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TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 1)

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Introduction

The only fear a Muslim should have is the fear of Allah i.e. taqwa (God-consciousness). The fear of falling into sin and earning punishment from Allah. The fear of acquiring His wrath. The fear of becoming unworthy of His love and mercy. Yet we are expected to have a healthy balance between that fear and hope in Allah.

Allah Subhanahu Wataala said:

إِنَّهُمْ كَانُوا يُسَارِعُونَ فِي الْخَيْرَاتِ وَيَدْعُونَنَا رَغَبًا وَرَهَبًا ۖ وَكَانُوا لَنَا خَاشِعِينَ

“Verily, they would hasten to good deeds and supplicate to Us in hope and fear, and they were humbly submissive to Us.” (Surah Al-Anbiya 21:90)

And our prophet peace be upon him said:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْلَمْتُ وَجْهِي إِلَيْكَ وَفَوَّضْتُ أَمْرِي إِلَيْكَ وَأَلْجَأْتُ ظَهْرِي إِلَيْكَ رَغْبَةً وَرَهْبَةً إِلَيْكَ

“O Allah, I submit my face to you and entrust my affair to you. I commit myself to you out of hope and fear of you.” (Sahih Muslim 2710)

The Muslim has hope in Allah; that He will forgive him and have mercy on him. He has good expectations of his Lord for the good deeds he does in this life. Yet the fear is to motivate him to stay away from sin and to repent often. It makes us mindful of our deeds and our relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wataala.

“The heart on its path to Allah the Almighty is like a bird, where love is its head, and fear and hope are its wings.”

(Ibn Al Qayyim)

I once had this conversation with a good friend who sent me a clip by sister Yasmin Mogahed. She was talking about converting our fears into duas in an amazing way I hadn’t really thought about. Of course, we make dua all the time, and sometimes we mention our fears in it, but it is not really an intentional effort but rather a subconscious one. The importance of understanding what we’re asking from Allah is so that one is not simply chorusing the memorized duas, but rather, customizing those duas to be specific to one’s deepest fears and talking to Allah about them. It is having a deep conversation like He is your dearest friend; you open up, you become vulnerable, and you show your weakness and shortcomings as a Human being. Then you ask Him to save you, to protect you from all those matters that bring fear to your heart.

As we begin this series on ‘Turning Fears into Duas’, I would love to end the introduction with an amazing dua by a pious predecessor by the name Habiba Al-‘Adawiyah as stated in the remarkable book ‘Prayers of the Pious’ by Sheikh Omar Suleiman. This wonderful woman had a custom that towards the middle of the night, she would head to the rooftop and would call out to Allah with these wonderful words:

“O Allah, the stars have vanished, the eyes have slept, the kings have locked their doors, and Your door remains open. Every lover has found privacy with their beloved, and here I am standing before You.”

Here we are…our dua begins…

***

Ramadhan Mubarak dear reader. May Allah Subhanahu Wataala accept you among His most beloved servants, ameen!

Please subscribe (at the bottom of the page) to receive direct notifications on this series (and others). Stay tuned for Part 2: ‘Turning Fears into Duas: Misguidance, Humiliation and Death Upon Them.’

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WOMEN OF JANNAH: KHADIJA BINT KHUWAYLID

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To read the second part of this series, click on the following link: https://lubnah.me.ke/women-of-jannah-asiyah-bint-al-muzahim/

When we commonly say we want a marriage and companionship like that of the prophet peace be upon him and Khadija bint Khuwaylid, and write down #goals under any mention of them, do we really take time to reflect on the characters of these two very noble individuals?

#Noble Lineage

Khadija bint khuwaylid was a pure Quraishi and was born from a very noble and wealthy family. Her tribe was the Banu Assad and her father was the representative of the tribe. Khadija had 3 brothers and 1 sister; Awwam, Hizam, Nawfal and Hala.

Interestingly, Khadija peace be upon her had a link to the prophet’s lineage. He was, Muhammad Ibn Abdillah Ibn Abdul Mutwalib Ibn Hashim Ibn Abdi Manaf Ibn Qusay Ibn Kilab. And she was Khadija bint Khuwaylid Ibn Asad Ibn Abdil Uzza Ibn Qusay Ibn Kilab. Therefore their link was Qusay Ibn Kilab who was the prophet’s 5th ancestor and Khadija’s fourth ancestor.

Also, Khadija’s cousin Barra was the grandmother of the prophet i.e. mother of his mother (Amina bint Wahhab). Interesting right? The Arabs especially those days were known for marrying within their own tribes and as such, it is no surprise that there are such links between the prophet and Khadija may peace be upon them.

Khadija is said to have been previously married twice before her marriage to the prophet peace be upon him. One was Hind Ibn Nabbash (Abu Hala) and another was Atiq ibn A’idh Al Makhzoum (also a Quraishi). Both were successful businessmen and she got to inherit the wealth after their death. There is a bit of confusion on whether both died leaving Khadija a widow or she was once divorced. There is quite some information missing especially about Khadija because she lived during the early Makkah period and not much was recorded. It is said that she had two children; Hind and Hala from her previous marriages, yet there isn’t much recorded about them either in the seera of the prophet peace be upon him. The assumption is that they either died early on or were not around, Allahu a3lam.

#A Blessed Union

From the very beginning, these two were very special individuals. Khadija was nicknamed as al-Tahira (The Pure One), Ameerat-Quraysh (Princess of Quraish) and Khadījah al-Kubra (Khadija The Great) even BEFORE Islam while Muhammad may peace be upon him was called Assadiqul Ameen (The Truthful and Trustworthy). Both of them were known for their exemplary and excellent mannerisms within the community. She used to feed and clothe the poor, assist her relatives financially, and even provide for the marriage of those of her kin who could not otherwise afford.

Khadija was a very wealthy woman and a merchant. Many men had wanted to marry her, yet she rejected the proposals. She used to send caravans to Syria and Yemen. She would hire young men to do business transactions on her behalf for a certain percentage of the profits. At that time, the prophet had no particular job and was reported to have worked as a shepherd for Bani Sa’d and in Makkah for a wage. It is then that Abu Talib, the uncle of the prophet peace be upon him approached Khadija and suggested that she hires Muhammad to manage her caravan trade. Khadija then accepted and sent Muhammad to Syria with her servant, Maisarah.

When the prophet peace be upon him returned to Makkah, Khadijah noticed more profits than usual. She asked Maisarah concerning Muhammad and he praised him of good manners, honesty, faith and sincerity. This moved Khadija deeply and she spoke to her friend Nafisa about him, who thereafter approached the prophet and asked him what she thought about Khadija and marriage to her. The prophet accepted and discussed the matter with his uncles who then made a proposal to her uncle It is commonly said that at the time, Khadija was forty years old while the prophet was twenty five years old. However, in another narration, Khadija was just 28 years old, only 3 years older than the prophet peace be upon him.

Now within the 15 years of marriage between the Khadija and Muhammad peace be upon them, not even a single fight or argument is recorded between the two. In fact, their marriage was praised in the community and this was due to the impeccable personality of both husband and wife. Mind you, when the prophet married Khadija, he had nothing while she was one of the wealthiest people in Makkah. The prophet lived in HER house and she supported him financially and emotionally as well (as we’ll see in a bit). This is to remind us that it takes two to tango. When both husband and wife are of good character and strive for goodness, their marriage will succeed by the will of Allah. Of course it can never be perfect as theirs was, but we can always look up to them and learn from their outstanding behaviour and personalities.

#Emotional and psychological support

The start of divine inspiration was in the late 30’s of the prophet’s life. He used to have dreams which would become true the following day. He started going into seclusion in the cave of Hira where he would meditate, worship and contemplate the creation. He would carry with him food and go away for days on end. It is said that sometimes Khadija herself would go up to cave Hira to deliver food for him, which is really not an easy task especially considering if she indeed was 15 years older than the prophet. Khadija never stopped the prophet from taking these trips, nor did she question his behaviour or have doubts on him. She did not complain for his long time away, instead, she supported him whole-heartedly and even encouraged him on his spiritual journey. It is also said in other narrations that Khadija did sometimes join him at the cave and worshiped together. This is the utmost level of trust and loyalty any woman can have for her husband.

When Muhammad peace be upon him was about forty years old, the angel came to him while he was at cave Hira and asked him to read. The Prophet peace be upon him replied, “I do not know how to read.” The Prophet added, “The angel caught me (forcefully) and pressed me so hard that I could not bear it anymore. He then released me and again asked me to read and I replied, ‘I do not know how to read.’ Thereupon he caught me again and pressed me a second time till I could not bear it any more. He then released me and again asked me to read but again I replied, ‘I do not know how to read (or what shall I read)?’ Thereupon he caught me for the third time and pressed me, and then released me and said, ‘Read in the name of your Lord, who has created (all that exists), created man from a clot. Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous.” (96.1, 96.2, 96.3) Then the prophet returned with the Inspiration and with his heart beating severely.

Then he went to Khadija bint Khuwaylid and said, “Cover me! Cover me!” Khadija embraced Muhammad and covered him till his fear was over. Now the mind-blowing thing here (Sheikh Yasir Qadhi was discussing this so beautifully and in depth in his series; links are below) is that normally, walking down from a cave as from cave Hira to Khadija’s house, which is about two miles away, would be enough to make one calm down. However, the prophet was still cold and terrified and only calmed down while in the embrace of his wife. This is enough to show us how much support and love the prophet got from his wife.

After that he told her everything that had happened and said, “I fear that something may happen to me.” Khadija replied, “Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones.” See, she doesn’t question his sanity. She doesn’t panic. She doesn’t tell him you should stop going to cave Hira for worship, instead she affirms him and reassures him that Allah would never disgrace him. Khadija had so much faith in God even before pillars of Imaan came about. And this just shows us how pure this woman was and how much emotional maturity she had.

Even after having affirmed him, Khadija went on to take Muhammad peace be upon him to his learned cousin Waraqa bin Naufal bin Asad bin ‘Abdul ‘Uzza, who, during the pre-Islamic Period became a Christian and used to write the writing with Hebrew letters. He was an old man and had lost his eyesight. Khadija said to Waraqa, “Listen to the story of your nephew, O my cousin!” Waraqa asked, “O my nephew! What have you seen?” The prophet then described whatever he had seen. Waraqa said, “This is the same one who keeps the secrets (angel Gabriel) whom Allah had sent to Moses. I wish I were young and could live up to the time when your people would turn you out.” Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) asked, “Will they drive me out?” Waraqa replied in the affirmative and said, “Anyone (man) who came with something similar to what you have brought was treated with hostility; and if I should remain alive till the day when you will be turned out then I would support you strongly.” But after a few days Waraqa died and the Divine Inspiration was also paused for a while. (You can find this narration in sahih Bukhari)

#The First

Khadija was the first to embrace Islam. The first to perform Wudhu and pray. Yahya ibn `Afeef is quoted saying that he once came, during the period of Jahiliyyah (before the advent of Islam), to Mecca to be hosted by ‘Abbas ibn ‘Abd al-Muttalib, one of Muhammad’s uncles mentioned above. “When the sun started rising,” he said, “I saw a man who came out of a place not far from us, faced the Kaaba and started performing his prayers. He hardly started before being joined by a young boy who stood on his right side, then by a woman who stood behind them. When he bowed down, the young boy and the woman bowed, and when he stood up straight, they, too, did likewise. When he prostrated, they, too, prostrated.” He expressed his amazement at that, saying to Abbas: “This is quite strange, O Abbas!”. “Is it, really?” retorted al-Abbas. “Do you know who he is?”, Abbas asked his guest who answered in the negative. “He is Muhammad ibn Abdullah, my nephew. Do you know who the young boy is?” asked he again. “No, indeed,” answered the guest. “He is Ali son of Abu Talib. Do you know who the woman is?” The answer came again in the negative, to which Abbas said, “She is Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, my nephew’s wife.” This incident is included in the books of both Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Al-Tirmidhi, each detailing it in his own Ṣaḥīḥ.

It is for her loyalty and deep faith that she has an elevated status and received greetings from Allah and Jibril. No other woman/wife during the time of the prophet ever got such a special recognition.

Abu Huraira reported that Gabriel came to Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) and said: “Allah’s Messenger, lo. Khadija is coming to you with a vessel of seasoned food or drink. When she comes to you, offer her greetings from her Lord, the Exalted and Glorious, and on my behalf and give her glad tidings of a palace of jewels in Paradise wherein there is no noise and no toil.” This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Abu Huraira through another chain of transmitters with a slight variation of wording. (Sahih Muslim 2432)

In another narration by Ali bin Abi Talib, may peace be upon him, that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “The best of its women is Khadijah bint Khuwailid, and the best of its women is Mariam bint ‘Imran.”

#Loyalty till the last breath

Then came the time when the Quraish held a confederation hostile to Bani Hashim and Bani Al-Muttalib, all in an attempt to harm the prophet and the Muslims. They all took an oath not to have any business dealings with them nor any sort of inter-marriage, social relations, visits and even verbal contacts until the prophet was given up to them to be killed. This treaty was attached to the wall of Kaabah and thus the two tribes were boycotted. Banu Hashim and Banu Al Muttalib withdrew to a valley on the eastern outskirts of Makkah for a period of three years (7th year to 10th year of Prophet’s mission).It was such a deadly siege and food was very scarce. The Muslims faced great difficulties that they had to eat tree leaves and animal skins. They only survived by the will of Allah through the few non-muslims who still chose to be kind to them and send them food in secret. One of them is the nephew of Khadija, Hakim Ibn Hizam who would smuggle food to his aunt and was once found by Abu Jahl who tried to stop him as well. It was only when Al Bukhtari intervened, did Hakim manage to reach his destination. This was how tricky it was to even get someone to send them food. This was the hardest period for the two tribes and the Muslims.

After the three years, the boycott was dissolved and the two tribes returned to Makkah. During this entire period, Khadija stuck by the prophet and supported him with all that she had financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually. She was without a doubt, the prophet’s biggest support system.

A few months after their return to Makkah (after the boycott), Abu Talib passed away, then Khadija followed. It is believed that the effects of the boycott had affected her immensely and eventually led to her death. It is said the gap between the two deaths was either 3 days or 3 months as per the different narrations. The losses were extremely huge for the prophet and he experienced grief so much so, that year was called ‘The Year of Grief’. These two people were the most important in his life and their departure affected the prophet greatly. Khadija was 65 years old when she died and in the other narration, she was 53 years while the prophet was 50 years old.

#A wife worth all the love

‘A’isha (peace be upon her) reported: Never did I feel jealous of the wives of Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) but in case of Khadija, although I did no, (have the privilege to) see her. She further added that whenever Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) slaughtered a sheep, he said: Send it to the companions of Khadija I annoyed him one day and said: (It is) Khadija only who always prevails upon your mind. Thereupon Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: Her love had been nurtured in my heart by Allah Himself. (Sahih Muslim 2435 b) In another narration he would say: he would say, “Khadija was such-and-such, and from her I had children.”

Narrated ‘Aisha (peace be upon her) : Once Hala bint Khuwailid, Khadija’s sister, asked the permission of the Prophet (ﷺ) to enter. On that, the Prophet (ﷺ) remembered the way Khadija used to ask permission, and that upset him. He said, “O Allah! Hala!” So I became jealous and said, “What makes you remember an old woman amongst the old women of Quraish an old woman (with a teethless mouth) of red gums who died long ago, and in whose place Allah has given you somebody better than her?” (Sahih al-Bukhari) Then the prophet peace be upon him responded to her: “No, indeed; He has not compensated me with anyone better than her. She believed in me when all others disbelieved; she held me truthful when others called me a liar; she sheltered me when others abandoned me; she comforted me when others shunned me; and Allah granted me children by her while depriving me of children by other women.” After that Aisha said ‘I will never ever say something negative about Khadija’ and she never did.

Khadija may peace and blessings be upon her gave birth to 6 children: Al Qasim, Zainab, Ruqaiyah, Umm Kulthun, Fatimah and Abdullah (also called Taiyib and Tahir). All their sons died in their childhood and all the daughters apart from Fatimah, died during the lifetime of the prophet. All the daughters witnessed Islam, embraced it and emigrated to Madinah.

Once after the battle of Badr, Zaynab’s husband Abul ‘As bin Al Rabihadn’t yet accepted Islam and was one of the prisoners. Zaynab, the prophet’s daughter then sent some property to ransom her husband, one of which was a necklace of hers which Khadijah had before giving it to her when she married Abul ‘As. When the prophet saw the necklace he was really moved by Khadija’s memory and said to the sahabas: “If you consider that you should free her prisoner for her and return to her what belongs to her, (it will be well).” The prophet requested this to the sahaba because he didn’t want to seem like he was favouring his daughter. The sahaba said yes. The prophet made an agreement with Abul ‘As that he should let Zaynab come to him (in exchange for his release), and the Messenger of Allah sent Zayd ibn Harithah and a man of the Ansar and said: “Wait in the valley of Yajij till Zaynab passes you, then you should accompany her and bring her back.” (The narration can be found in Sunan Abi Dawud 2692). Abul ‘As did accept Islam eventually, several years later. He went to Madina after being separated from his wife that he still loved dearly, accepted Islam and resumed their marriage with Zaynab.

Khadija also had 8 grandchildren: From Fatima and Ali Bin Abi Talib: Hassan , Hussein, Muhsin, Umm Kulthum and Zaynab (named them after her sisters). From Zaynab and Abul ‘As: Umama and Ali. From Ruqayya and Uthman Ibn Affan: Abdullah. After death of Ruqayya, Uthman Ibn Affan married Umm Kulthum but had no children with her.

Khadija was the first wife of the prophet peace be upon him and he never married any other woman until after her death whereby he married Swadah bint Zam’ah.

There is definitely a lot we can learn from Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, especially on her role as the most supportive and loving wife. May Allah guide us and make us among His most beloved. Ameen.

Note: This is just my small effort in trying to research on this topic in the best of my ability. Kindly pardon me for any mistakes and don’t hesitate to correct me if anything. Stay tuned for the next part of this series on the 4 women of Jannah!

Sources:

Hadiths from https://sunnah.com/

The Superstars series by sheikh Omar Suleiman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKASMwUWV9c

Mothers of the Believers pt.3 | Khadija bint Khuwaylid (pt.1)| Sh. Dr. Yasir Qadhi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZZcZZGnS6M&t=420s

Mothers of the Believers pt.4 | Khadija bint Khuwaylid (pt.2)| Sh. Dr. Yasir Qadhi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRdYlrIwPT8

Mothers of the Believers pt.5 | Khadija bint Khuwaylid (pt.3)| Sh. Dr. Yasir Qadhi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXXL3HkX7N8

Islamic Guidance channel: Khadija Bint Al-Khuwaylid [RA]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2jVrAlv1x8

The Sealed Nectar by Safi-ur-Rahman Al-Mubarakpuri

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100 HADITHS ON WOMEN (PART 2)

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You may read part 1 at: https://lubnah.me.ke/100-hadiths-on-women-part-1/

B. CLOTHES AND ADORNMENTS                                                                                        كتاب اللباس والزينة

1. Adding false hair

A’isha reported that a girl of the Ansar who had fallen ill and had lost the hair was married. They (her relatives) thought of adding false hair (to her head). So they asked Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) about it, whereupon he cursed the woman who adds false hair and the woman who asks for it.
Sahih Muslim 2123 a

عَنْ عَائِشََة، أن جَارَِيًة، مِنَ الَأْنصارِ تزَوَّجتْ وَأََّنها مرِضَتْ فتمَرَّطَ شَعْرَُها فأرَاُدوا
أَْن يصُِلوُه فسألوا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّه صلى الله عليه وسلم عنْ ذَِلكَ فََلعَنَ اْلوَاصَِلَة وَاْلمُسْتوْصَِلَة

2. Tattooing

Ibn ‘Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) said:
The Messenger of Allah cursed the maker and wearer of a wig and the tattooer and the one who is tattooed.
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim

وعن ابن عمر رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ةلعن الواصلة والمستوصلة والواشمةوالمستوش
(متفق عليه)

3. Creating spaces between teeth, plucking hair from the face

Narrated Ibn Mas`ud:
Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing or get it done for themselves, and those who remove hair from their faces, and those who create spaces between their teeth artificially to look beautiful, such ladies as change the features created by Allah. Why then shall I not curse those whom Allah’s Messenger has cursed and who are cursed in Allah’s Book too?

عَنِ اْبنِ مسْعُوٍد ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قاَل لعَنَ اَّلُلّ اْلوَاشِمَاتِ، وَاْلمُسْتوْشِمَاتِ، وَاْلمُتَنَم صاتِ وَاْلمُتفَ لِجَاتِ لْلحُسْنِ، اْلمُغَي رَاتِ خَْلقَ اَّلِلّ، ما لي لَا أَْلعَنُ منْ لعَنه رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَْهوَ فِي كِتَابِ اَّ لِلّ.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5943

4. Evil make-up

Sa, id b. Musayyib reported that Mu’awiya said one day:
Should I narrate to you the evil make-up. Allah’s Apostle(ﷺ) forbade cheating. It was during that time that a person came with a staff and there was a cloth on its head, whereupon Mu’awiya said: Behold, that is cheating. Qatada said: This implies how women artificially increase their hair with the help of rags.

عَنْ سَعِيِد بنِ اْلمُسَيبِ، أن معَاوَِيَة، قاَل ذَاتَ يوْمٍ إَّ نكُمْ قد أحَْدْثتمْ زِيَّ سَوٍْء وَإَِّن نبِيَّ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم نَهى عَنِ الزُّورِ . قاَل وَجَاَء رَجلٌ بِعَصا عََلى رَأسَِها خرْقة قاَل معَاوَِيُة ألَا وََهذا الزُّورُ . قَاَل قَتَاَدُة يعْنِي ما يكثِ رُ بِهِ النِ سَاء أشعَارَُهنَّ مِنَ اْلخرَقِ
. Sahih Muslim 2127 d

5. False impression

It was narrated from Sa’eed bin Al-Musayyab that Mu’awiyah said:
“The Messenger of Allah [SAW] forbade giving a false impression.”

عَنْ سَعِيِد بنِ اْلمُسَيبِ، أََّن معَا وَيَة، قَاَل إَِّن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم نَهى عَنِ الزُّورِ .
Grade : Sahih (Darussalam)
Sunan an-Nasa’i 5092

6. Wearing revealing clothes (tight, transparent attire)

Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) as saying:
Two are the types amongst the denizens of Hell, the one possessing whips like the tail of an ox and they flog people with their help. (The second one) the women who would be naked in spite of their being dressed, who are seduced (to wrong paths) and seduce others with their hair high like humps. These women would not get into Paradise and they would not perceive the odour of Paradise, although its fragrance can be perceived from such and such distance (from great distance).

عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قَاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ” صِنفَانِ مِنْ أهلِ النارِ لمْ أرَُهمَا قَوْمٌ معَُهمْ سِيَاطٌ كأذَْنابِ اْلبقرِ يضْرُِبوَن بَِها النَّاسَ وَنِسَاٌء كَاسِياتٌ عَارَِياتٌ ممِيلَاتٌ مائِلَاتٌ رُُءوسهنَّ كَأَسنِمةِ اْلبخْتِ اْل مَائَِلةِ لَا يْدخُْلنَ اْلجَنة وَلَا يجِْدَن رِيحها وَإن رِيحََها لتُوجَُد مِنْ مسِيرَةِ كذا وَكذا ” .
Sahih Muslim 2128 b

7. Applying heena to nails

Narrated Aisha, UmmulMu’minin:
A woman made a sign from behind a curtain to indicate that she had a letter for the Messenger of Allah. The Prophet(ﷺ) closed his hand, saying: I do not know this is a man’s or a woman’s hand. She said: No, a woman. He said: If you were a woman, you would make a difference to your nails, meaning with henna.

عَنْ عَائِشََة، – رضى الله عنها – قَاَلتْ أَوَْمتِ اْمرَأٌَة مِنْ وَراِء سِترٍ بِيدَها كِتابٌ إَِلى رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقبضَ النبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَدُه فقاَل ” ما أَْدرِي أيُد رَجُلٍ أمْ يُد اْمرَأةٍ ” . قَاَلتْ بلِ اْمرَأٌَة .
قَاَل ” لوْ كنتِ اْمرَأة لغَيرْتِ أَظفارَكِ ” . يعْنِي بِاْلحناِء .
Hasan (Al-Albani)
SunanAbiDawud 4166

8. Wearing gold and silk

Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) said, “Wearing of silk and gold has been made unlawful for males and lawful for the females of my Ummah.”
[At-Tirmidhi].

وعن أبى موسى الأشعرى رضى الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: “حرم لباس الحرير والذهب على ذكور أمتي ،وأحل لإناثهم”

9. Copying men

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas:
The Prophet(ﷺ)cursed women who imitate men and men who imitate women.
عَنِ اْبنِ عَباسٍ، عَنِ النبِيِ صلى الله عليه وسلم أََّنه لعَنَ اْلمُتشَبَِ هاتِ مِنَ النِسَاِء بِالرِ جالِ وَاْلم تَشَبهِينَ مِنَ الرِ جَالِ بِالنِسَاِء
Sahih (Al-Albani) SunanAbiDawud 4097

10. Clothing and covering

Narrated Aisha, UmmulMu’minin:
Asma, daughter of AbuBakr, entered upon the Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) wearing thin clothes. The Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) turned his attention from her. He said: O Asma’, when a woman reaches the age of menstruation, it does not suit her that she displays her parts of body except this and this, and he pointed to his face and hands.

عَنْ عَائِشََة، رضى الله عنها أن أسمَاَء بِنْتَ أَبِي بكرٍ، دخََلتْ عََلى رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَعليَْها ثِيابٌ رِقَاقٌ فأعْرَضَ عَنها رَسُوُل اَّلِلّه صلى الله عليه وسلم وَقَاَل ” يا أسْمَاُء إَِّن اْلمَرْأة إِذَا بَلغَتِ اْلمَحِيضَ لمْ تصُْلحْ أَْن يرَى مِنها إِلَّا هذا وََهذا ” . وَأشَارَ إَِلى وَجْهِهِ
وَكَفيهِ
SunanAbiDawud 4104

11. Dragging of hem (the edge of a piece of cloth, such as the bottom edge of a skirt or dress, that is folded over and sewn)

It was narrated that Umm Salamah said:
“The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was asked how much a woman should let her hem drag. He said: ‘A hand span.’ She said: ‘But then it will uncover her (feet).’ He said: ‘A forearm’s length, and no more than that.'”
Sahih (Darussalam)
Sunan an-Nasa’i 5339

عَنْ أمِ سََلمََة، قاَلتْ سُئِلَ رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم كَمْ تجُرُّ اْلمَرْأة مِنْ ذَْيلَِها قاَل شِبْرًا ” . قَاَلتْ إذًا ينْكشِفَ عَنها . قاَل ” ذرَاعٌ لَا تزِيُد عليَْها ”

12. A dragging hem is purified by what comes after it Abdur-Rahman bin Awf’s Umm Walad said, :

“I said to Umm Salamah: ‘Indeed I am a woman with lengthy hems, and I walk in places of filth.’ So she said: ‘Allah’s Messenger said: “It is purified by what comes after it.”
Hasan (Darussalam)
Jami` at-Tirmidhi 143

عَنْ أمِ وََلٍد، لعَبد الرَّحْمَنِ بنِ عوْفٍ قاَلتْ قُْلتُ لأمِ سََلمََة إِ نِي اْمرَأة أطِيلُ ذَْيلِي وَأَْمشِي في اْلمكانِ اْلقذرِ فقاَلتْ قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم
””يطهِرُُه ما بعَْده :

13. Regarding perfume

Narrated Abu Musa:
that the Prophet(ﷺ) said: “Every eye commits adultery, and when the woman uses perfume and she passes by a gathering, then she is like this and that.'” Meaning an adulteress.

عَنْ أبِي موسَى، عَنِ النبِيِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل ” كُلُّ عَينٍ زَانِية وَاْلمَرْأة إِذَا استَعْطَرَتْ فمَرَّتْ بِاْلمجْلِسِ فَهيَ كذا وَكذا يعْنِي زَانِية ” .
Grade : Hasan (Darussalam)

To be continued…

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RAMADHAN EDITION: AYAHS THAT MELT THE HEART (2)

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I find the words in the Qur’an to be so mesmerizing, so profound they can cause you a shiver from its depth. Picking my favourite ayahs has been really hard because I find the entire book to be very intense. Every verse comes with a yet better heart felt message than the previous. Yet, here is what I came up with at the end.

1.

The ayah focuses on the people Allah loves who are the doers of good.
First, we learn that there are two kinds of charity; one that you give when you have surplus and another when you give while you barely have anything yourself. This shows the importance of charity for every mankind but without putting one in distress (taklif) for it. For the rich, so that they can get rid of the greed within themselves and for the less rich, to be more selfless towards other human beings.

Abu Huraira reported: A man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, which charity has the greatest reward?” The Prophet said, “That you give charity while you are healthy, feeling greedy, fearing poverty, and hoping to be rich. Do not delay giving until you are on your deathbed, then say give to such a person. It already belongs to that person.” (Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1353)

In another hadith, the prophet peace be upon him says,”The best of all charity is when the one with little strives to give; start with those you are responsible for.” [Hakim, Sahih] This also stresses the importance of looking after your family first before extending your charity to other people. As the saying goes, ‘charity begins at home’, and truly, what is the point of helping the entire world while your own people sleep hungry and struggle alone?

Then the ayah goes on to mention that Allah loves those who restrain their anger, forgive and are merciful to other human beings. If only we applied this verse into our daily lives…half of our conflicts would be non-existent. If only we were more understanding of the human nature and merciful towards one another. There is a story concerning this that I really love.

“One day Ja’far As-Sadiq wanted to perform ablution, he asked his slave to pour water on his hands from a jug. As the slave began to pour the water, some of it spleashed onto Ja’far’s garment, which resulted in Ja’far giving his slave a reproachful look. Fearing punishment, the servant said:

وَالۡكٰظِمِيۡنَ الۡغَيۡظَ

‘Those Who repress their anger’

Ja’far said reassuringly, ‘I have repressed my anger.’

وَالۡعَافِيۡنَ عَنِ النَّاسِ​ؕ

‘And those who pardon men’, said the slave.

‘I have indeed pardoned you,’ said Ja’far.

وَاللّٰهُ يُحِبُّ الۡمُحۡسِنِيۡنَ​ۚ‏

‘Verily Allah loves the good doers,’ said the slave expectantly.

‘Go. You are free from the countenance of Allah and you may take from my wealth 1000 dinars.’

(Excerpt from the book: ‘Glimpses of the lives of the righteous people’)

May Allah make us among the good doers. Ameen.

 

2.

Life is always going to be a bumpy ride. There will always be moments whereby we struggle to understand what is happening or what we should do or just feeling like our world is coming to an end. However pious one is, we all need reassurance. We all need someone, something to remind us that such is life, that things will eventually get better. Because this life will never be thunder and storms all the time. Sometimes there is a peaceful breeze and a beautiful sun. There is always a balance. No one’s life is entirely darkness nor is there someone experiencing 24/7 unlimited access to happiness. In these moments, Allah (S.W.) tells the believers that remembering Him is what brings tranquility to the soul. It is in remembering him that we are reassured.

3.

Every other day, we lose something in our lives. Could be something we hold dear; a person, an opportunity, a job, our loved ones…but here Allah (S.W) promises us something. That so long as there’s a seed of goodness with you, however small, He will grant you something better than what He has taken from you. He doesn’t say, ‘If Allah knows of a huge amount of goodness in you…’ He says ‘ANY GOOD’. That shows how merciful Allah is. He will be there for you despite your wrongdoings, your negligence of the deen, despite your flaws…He will give you something you never imagined having. So grieve not dear heart, for your Lord is a great Lord.

 

4.

Have you ever sat by yourself and reflected on your life and thought, ‘I don’t deserve jannah?’ The sins seems to be too many. The past seems so dark, full of mistakes and regrets. You keep slipping back to sins over and over and over again. You repent over and over and over and Allah forgives you. But then you just keep falling again and again. That is the human nature. We will never be infallible. We all have things we are not proud of. We all have mistakes we wish we could undo. But here Allah (S.W) is reminding us that He is THEE MOST MERCIFUL and that however many your sins are, He is ready to forgive you if you repent. So never despair. Never think that your sins are too big for His mercy. You have a chance. I have a chance. We all have a chance to start afresh and change our lives for the better.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent.” (Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2499)

5.

The entire Surat Luqman is definitely one of the best chapters in the Qur’an (Especially when recited with a qar’i like Islam Sobhi :p ). But more so, is the advice of Luqman to his son which is like a life skills session of its own.

يَٰبُنَىَّ أَقِمِ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأْمُرْ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَٱنْهَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَٱصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَصَابَكَ ۖ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ ٱلْأُمُورِ (١٧)
O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.

وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا ۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ (١٨)
And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful.

‘And be patient over what befalls you…’ I find this specific part to be have so much depth in it. The ayahs are quite straightforward and Luqman aleyhi ssalam’s wisdom is worth adhering to.

Please take a moment to go through the entire surah with its translation, and learn more in shaa Allah.

***

Let us meet here next week in shaa Allah for the third part of the series. In the mean time, I hope you’re having a great ramadhan and that you are using your time well. And because I want us to spend our time wisely, here’s a youtube series to watch after your ibaadah. It is the best series to restore your faith in humanity and it has daily episodes with English subtitles.

Here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTYNerRYjdiyRNR6LgRmOOQ

If you don’t know of it, thank me later! Or rather, include me in your duas 🙂

***

In another important news, we are trying to assist a brother pay his outstanding university fee balance of 91,730/= of three semesters. He pays for his own fees and thus lacks support. Kindly let us join hands and help with whatever little we can to clear his debt so he can resume classes and have access to exams. We will be conducting this fundraising for this entire week till next Saturday in shaa Allah. Mpesa no: 0704 731 560 (Lubnah). Yallah, Bismillah.

“Whoever alleviates (the situation of) one in dire strauts who cannot repay his debt, Allah will alleviate his lot in both this world and in the hereafter.” (Muslim)

Don’t forget to subscribe and share! Thank you and sawm maqbul!

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Guest Posts

WOe MENt-al Health

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When you hear Netflix, the next word that comes to mind is Chill, yeah? Lol. Chill. Of the many shows on Netflix, the one I hate the most is 13 Reasons Why. Lubnah had to beg me, several times to watch it. Bruh, that show is suicidal af. That’s what I thought when I saw the promos all over Facebook/Instagram.

So one day I’m really bored and I watch the series, because Lubnah insisted on saving them on my laptop with words close to if not at all ‘you’ll watch it when you’re ready to or when you run out of stuff to watch and re-run’.

My thoughts are confirmed. That series was wild from the word go! And not wild in a good way. P.S I’m not making a review or rating it but I think if anything they gratified Suicide, instead of preventing it by causing awareness. I mean at the end of the day, the girl did slit her wrists and died in a bathtub or whatever. It is so dark in such a way that I fear some not so smart kid, will borrow a leaf from Hannah Baker’s book and you know record shit on CD or Flash Drive just so she could make everyone who hurt her pay. After their death.

I know, at this point you’re all thinking like “Why is she being insensitive to stuff she probably hasn’t gone through”. This is obviously the most polite way of telling me I’m a b#tch. I am not about to disregard Mental Disorders because I for one know that they’re as real as they can be. I might not have had an episode of a nervous breakdown but I know of people close to me who have. Or at least on several occasions spiraled out of ‘normality’ and go down the rabbit hole. That place is shitty as hell because it’s like fighting to live when you’re drowning, but then you wanna give up and go like mahn,let’s just get it over with.

Bulimia isn’t a cute brown haired girl with her friend pulling back her hair as she makes her way out of a classy hotel after glaming herself in the washroom. It’s a puffed face girl with vomit trickling down her cheeks. Anorexia isn’t someone shyly refusing to eat a cupcake. It’s constant avoiding food because paranoia. Don’t even get me started with Depression, that shit isn’t a TV show model with smudged mascara down her face, it’s staying awake at night staring at the ceiling and wishing you could for once close your eyes without tearing up and wish you’d be like everyone else. Anxiety and Panic attacks aren’t just hyperventilating and shortness of breath where some cute guy will surprise kiss you so you can get your breathing pattern together, it’s walking in late in a room full of people thinking they’re judging you or sitting in a room full of people and fight the urge to make your way to the toilet when you’re so pressed. Self harm is not a cute boy raining kisses or caressing your scars, it’s a constant fringing reminder that one day you gave up all your will to live and decided that that is perhaps the easiest way out, it’s wearing long sleeves because your hands sting when water runs on them. So stop romanticizing and covering up all the mental disorders with effects that teenagers would adapt and imitate.

You know like how HIV/AIDS revolves around some super powerful virus thwarting your white blood cells and making them so weak to an extent even the weaklings of all bacteria on the surrounding make your immune system useless, Mental Disorders is having super powerful invisible people each trying to dominate your mind all at once and your mind becomes so fringing clueless on which to follow it becomes confused by its own self. This is as close as I can come to defining what a mental disorder is.

Sometimes I think suicide is for cowards. Perhaps this is the half part of me that hasn’t had a mental crisis. The logical and there’s an answer to everything. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to undermine anyone who’s ever had suicidal thoughts…but come on man…you’re better than that. Life is too short to be living under constant pressure from your own self. But then, there’s the other compassionate and empathetic half of me that thinks like have I considered how many times this person tried to talk to anyone about it and they disregarded them. Because people, like 80% of all of us think its non existent and just say ‘you’ll get better’; and when they finally acknowledge its existence, they think its something that is curable, like take a pill and you know Pharmacokinetics will play its part and you’ll get well. It doesn’t happen that way. A person with anxiety needs constant reassurance that it is not going to end as horribly as their brain made it to be. Or that the weirdly giant web of entangled thoughts are just but thoughts that they have control over; because really, they don’t.

There was the old guy, the comedian who killed himself…Robbin Williams, I loved him as Genie in Aladdin and the Nanny in Mrs. Doubtfire. He killed himself but then his wife attributes his cause of suicide as a struggle with Lewy Body disease. This brings me back to my point, how people close to the affected ones shun their suffering because ‘Oi, its effects are not medically tangible you know’ I mean I could be having anger management issues and spontaneous anger outbursts that lead to displacement..like hitting stuff to breaking point. That people will acknowledge because its effect is seen. You damaged stuff, but for a depressed person, they’ll just consider you sad and so like yeah, just get up and go be happy because someone out there is not as ‘fortunate’ as you are.

The other day a 26 yr old French guy of Pakistani origin threw himself of the Tawwaf ring at Makkah is it. So many theories revolve around my head. You know like perhaps he had been battling depression, and no one notices this and he is left to literally withdraw himself from society, but then this is where perhaps religion comes in and so he goes like ‘Lemme go for Umrah, the peace and solitude will make me feel better’ but obviously that’s not it so he ends up throwing himself and him plummeting to his death.

But is suicide really the end game? I mean yes you’re dead…but when you die…it is not you who feels your death…it is the people close to you, your loved ones. Those are the people who feel the consequences in the world. That’s not the end of it though, is it? I mean yeah, so you killed yourself…you’d expect God and His angels to like welcome you with open arms? Like he had been fighting this for so long we were waiting for you to come home. That’s not it… Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… And do not kill yourselves (nor kill one another). Surely, Allaah is Most Merciful to you. And whoever commits that through aggression and injustice, We shall cast him into the Fire, and that is easy for Allah” [al-Nisa’ 4:29]

Abu Hurayrah (radi Allahu anhu) narrated that the Prophet (salallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself will be in the Fire of Hell, throwing himself down therein forever and ever. Whoever takes poison and kills himself, his poison will be in his hand and he will be sipping it in the Fire of Hell forever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron, that piece of iron will be in his hand and he will be stabbing himself in the stomach with it in the Fire of Hell, forever and ever.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

It was narrated from Thaabit ibn al-Dahhaak (radi Allahu anhu) that the Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Whoever kills himself with something in this world will be punished with it on the Day of Resurrection.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

And in the full narration of the Hadith in discussion (and with a different translation) it was narrated that Jundub ibn ‘Abd-Allah (radi Allahu anhu) said: The Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Among those who came before you there was a man who was wounded and he panicked, so he took a knife and cut his hand with it, and the blood did not stop flowing until he died. Allah said: ‘My slave hastened to bring about his demise; I have forbidden Paradise to him.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

This might come out harsh you know…but then God doesn’t give you a burden you can’t bear, just do everything else but don’t you ever give up on God yo! I mean yeah it’s hard and all but it is said that no affliction shall befall a man, But from it is a sin is expiated. Why you insist on getting to Jahannam when Allah has willed for you paradise for your perseverance and endurance? But then again who knows perhaps the said person was a believer in Allah and His Messenger and a follower of Tawheed, not a mushrik, so that automatically makes him subjected to the will of Allah. If Allah wills He will forgive him, and if He wills He will punish him, but even if He punishes him He will eventually bring him forth from the Fire, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, Allah forgives not that partners should be set up with Him (in worship), but He forgives except that (anything else) to whom He wills” [al-Nisa’ 4:48]

This clearly shows how much suicide is considered NOT THE WAY OUT.

Oh dear hurting, wavering soul, talk, talk and talk to anyone and everyone about it. Shout if you have to so that some years later, a boy/girl can proudly speak up because you projected their words. Talk so that not another single human would resolve to suicide by wondering at what point in time did they lose their voices. Talk because talking already makes it better. I mean you’re spewing your messed up thoughts to someone real not the virtual horcruxes in your mind trying to take over and that they’re going to be there for you and help you by constantly reassuring youre actually not insane.

And as for the ‘normals’, be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and a hand to lean on when things get rough for someone close to you. Stop being close minded about Mental Illness because it’s as real as Multiple Sclerosis and Lupus and Cancer.

Also, I know I might come off b#tchy and all, but yeah, I promise I’ll try to listen to you when you wanna b#tch about your ‘virtual dweller’. Also I’m a good secret keeper, James and Lily Potter would still be alive if they hadn’t chosen the rat coz he snitched…I might tell Lubnah though, coz she’s like 99% feely and I’m 99% assertive….but that’s about it. She might reach out and be there for you…because she’s a darling like that. Just Kidding, I kinda have myself vested in the Patient Doctor confidentiality so your troubles are safe with me.☺☺

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CURRENT OBSESSION: MO SALAH!!

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(Insert a bass voice)

Hear me join the chant:

“Mo Sa la la la lah

Mo sa la la la lah

If he’s good enough for you

He’s good enough for me

If he scores another few

Then i’ll be Muslim too!!

He’s sitting in the mosque

That’s where I wanna be!

Mo sa la la la lah…”

It’s actually more fun hearing the fan chant. Check here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GsQ1XzTGFI 

So, Mo Salah you people!! I mean, where do I start?! I’m just totally amused, amazed, obsessed, inspired by this guy.

Wait a minute, could I be leaving behind someone in this ‘virtual conversation?’ For those who don’t know, Mohammed Salah is a 25 year old Egyptian football player currently playing for Liverpool and he’s swept the entire world with his character, his talent and passion. They call him ‘The Egyptian Messi’ as well as ‘The shining light of Arabic football’.

He is the first Egyptian player to score a PL hat-trick, first Liverpool player to score four goals in a single PL game since Suarez, He is the top goal scorer in Premier League and the top goal scorer in Europe. Not my words, but as stated from one of the tweets by the account: @blamefootball.

I am honestly learning a lot from Mo Salah, well not playing football (I’m yet to learn 😀 ) but from how his character and humbleness has touched the whole world. Before I even go into what I have picked from him, I want to share some of the best tweets talking about this phenomenal player.

“Mohamed Salah teaches us how to be a true hardworking successful professional while also being an extremely humble human being, what a man.” @lfc_family

“Mo Salah doing more to end the clash of civilisations than anyone in the world.” @karlreMarks

“Looool mo salah is doing more for tackling islamaphobia in Britain than Theresa May and all her cabinet.” @BigHComedy

“Not sure if my fandom of Mo Salah is going over the top but I keep kissing the floor every time I finish a job around the house.” @stehoare

“I present to you the eighth wonder of the world. Mohamed Salah *insert fire emojis* @kollinswitha_K

“Just realised Salah’s goal for Liverpool equated Lingard’s 14 career goals for United. He’s done it in 16 matches. Lingard’s on 100k while Salah is on 90k a week. Pass me some bleach.” @UtdOliver (This tweet was by a MAN-U fan and it got over 2400 retweets and 3300 likes. Even other football club fans can’t resist admiring him.)

“I’m not a Liverpool fan but you must believe football builds bridges with this red chant for Mo Salah.” @GreatObiesesan.

“Should they replace these pyramids by Mohamad Salah?” @touficzayni (If you get the joke 😀 )

In an image showing Messi holding a jersey with M. Salah’s name, @footyhumour says: “Messi naming his successor- Salah is the new GOAT’

“That’s the secret to his greatness right there. Humility. He won’t let it get to his head. Messi’s exactly the same.” @stevenelson45

And one of the most trending tweets was this one by @CarsonCoffield who tweeted: “HE GONNA TURN ME MUSLIM”  The tweet got so much attention; retweets and responses. One of the responses was by @ShahdHany who said: “If you wanna know why this tweet got this much of attention is bcuz Salah represents a role model to muslims all over the world.”

The tweets are so juicy I need to stop or I wouldn’t finish today 😀

The beauty of this all is how the Mo Salah chant above was received well in the entire world. You know normally we’d expect rude comments from some of the very negative people who would question the intention of the chant, like why do we necessarily have to celebrate Mo Salah in terms of his religion or just post ridiculous comments insulting the fans for what may seem to others as ‘naivety’. Yet I wouldn’t call it naivety, I call it purity. I mean, in this age and era, Islam has been portrayed in great extents as mostly a negative religion, violent and BAD. But here are the fans, from very diverse background, diverse religions, homes, race and all that, yet they decide to keep that all aside for the love of this man’s character and zeal. They want to identify themselves by what Mo Salah has shown matters a lot to him; his religion. I mean, I.AM.AWED!!

Here are some few things i’ve learnt from him:

  1. Be proud of who you are: Mo Salah is your typical Arab guy who speaks English with mother-tongue influence. He keeps his beard despite the negative notion of what the combination of ‘Being Muslim + Being Arab + Having a beard’ might spark especially in the Western world. He didn’t force himself to speak with a British accent or cut off his beard to fit in. In fact he openly portrays himself as Muslim inside the pitch by making dua and doing sujood (prostration) openly when he scores or wins a game. This guy is not just a Muslim. HE IS LIVING ISLAM. Are you still ashamed of being Muslim? This man is just an inspiration!
  2. Being humble: Mo Salah, who was previously a Chelsea player, at one of the games didn’t celebrate a goal he scored while playing against this former team. Some say this was in respect of his former team mates while others say, Salah’s lack of celebration could have been due to terror attack in Egypt where 305 people were killed on Friday after heavily-armed militants bombed a mosque and opened fire. Either way, we like him for that. He also once apologized to the Watford goalkeeper Orestis Karnezis after scoring four times at the 5-0 win at Anfield. You’d say its not even necessary! Its just a game but this man goes ahead and apologizes. Perhaps just to show his empathy and humbleness? Humanity at its finest! He also teaches us to remember where we came from and never forget people who once were in the same task force as us.
  3. Go after your dreams! In one of the interviews, Mo Salah is asked about his favourite subject at school and he answers something close to: Subject? It was always football. Parents, ARE YOU LISTENING?! Let your children go after their dreams. You reading this, go after your dreams however impossible they may seem at the moment. I am sure Mo Salah never quite imagined that they’d be a day he’d be compared to Messi, right?!
  4. Let your actions speak for you: Brand ambassadors, PR managers, marketing staff, borrow a leaf from Mo Salah! At no precise point are we shown Mo Salah  preaching or talking about Islam. It is all in how he naturally talks, interacts, behaves with the people around him. He is the brand ambassador of Islam right now. Not because of what he says, but by the positive energy he keeps sending to the people around him. Even his name reveals this already 😀 Mohamed- The name of one of the greatest influencers in the world history, the beloved prophet peace be upon him and Salah? The Arabic term for our prayers. He is representing our deen well. Maybe remember him in your duas that he keeps doing the great job?
  5. Do not give up! Mo Salah didn’t quite live to his expectations while playing for Chelsea. When he was asked whether he felt the pressure of making just 19 appearances for Chelsea he said, “I don’t think it’s like this.” Klopp, manager of Liverpool football club said on this: “Maybe it was one reason he came back, but he’s not like ‘Now I will show you the real Mo Salah.’ ‘He was a kid when he came to Chelsea, and we have heard a few times that’s quite difficult and in that time they were really successful. It was quite tough to come through…he’s a man now, he was a kid at Chelsea, now he’s a man. That’s good.” He wasn’t given enough time at Chelsea to showcase his talent and some even thought he was a premier league flop. We see the growth here. From what he was before, his struggles and him not reaching his full potential, yet still he went on to work towards his goals. Like literally 😀

Photo credit: theconversation.com

In one of the many articles about him, “Liverpool FC’s Mohamed Salah’s goal celebrations: a guide to British Muslimness” the writer says: “The double-edged sword of Salah’s sujood is that it is tied to his excellence on the field. If he stops scoring, he will stop performing sujood. As a result, the fans will love him-and Islam-a little less.” Which  is quite possible but then it reminds me of Usain Bolt when he became runner’s up on his very last race before his retirement. We were a little bit disappointed but it didn’t make us love him or his skills any less, did it? Let’s just hope Mo Salah keeps scoring though. Positive vibes aaalll the way!

P.S I don’t really watch football. I’m just good at what I do *sips tea* 😀 😉

Talking of what I am good at, I will be holding the second creative writing training during the Easter Weekend (Friday-30th March and Sunday 1st April). Two full days at a reasonable fee. If interested, do registered prior to via this no: 0704 731 560.

Venue: Abad Institute, Makadara Old Town

Time: 8 am – 4 pm

Sessions include: Basic writing skills
Introduction to blogging
Finding your voice
Islamic writing (For Muslims)
Therapeutic writing (Dealing with stress)
Writing about the Coast and other fun activities.

Kindly do share the information and don’t forget to subscribe to my blog if you haven’t! (At the bottom of this page on the right side of the screen is the subscribe button) Thank you 🙂

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Deen (Religion)

DON’T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF JUST YET

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Sometimes we look at our heap of sins, at our bad habits, at our personality flaws and think to ourselves, ‘At this age and time how will I ever change?’ We feel like there is no hope for us especially after we tried to change but we kept sliding back to our same old destructive habits. Yet there is always hope. Always. Allah S.W says ‘Do not despair from the mercy of Allah’. All we have to do is keep striving to be better individuals, keep praying for ourselves and others and watch Allah take us out of the trash pit.

A beautiful story of sheikh Malik ibn Dinar is just one of the proofs that Allah’s mercy is endless.

Malik ibn Dinar used to be an alcoholic and a highway robber. Everyone knew him for those traits until it became his identity. One day he comes across a poor man and a rich man trying to buy bread from another man. The man only had one bread remaining and just as the poor man paid for it, the rich man offered to pay quadriple the price for the same bread. The poor man said to the seller, “Please I really need the bread. My daughters will starve to death if they don’t get something to eat.” But the rich was still ready to pay more for the bread. Malik ibn Dinar was triggered by this and went to them whilst very angry. He paid the seller more than what the rich man had paid so that the poor man can get the bread. But the rich man still added more money. Malik added some more money again. It went on like that until the poor man got the bread. He then said to the poor man, “When your daughters eat tonight, tell them to pray for Malik ibn Dinar” and he went away.

Years went by and Malik was still an alcoholic and a robber. When he wanted to marry he couldnt get a wife because of his reputation. So he bought a slave, freed her then married her. He really loved his wife and God blessed them with a daughter called Fathima.

Malik was very attached to his daughter and vice versa. They had a very close bond. And sometimes when Malik was seated with Fathima on his lap while he drinks wine his daughter told him, “Father I dont like this. I hate this” referring to the alcohol. Malik knew that his daughter hated the wines and alcohol but he still couldn’t stop his bad habits.

A time came when Fathima became very ill and passed away at a very tender age. Malik was so shattered and was drinking even more now to forget his pain. He hadn’t slept for days and one time, he fell into deep sleep due to the excess fatigue.

In his sleep, he dreamt that it was the day of judgement and the world looked chaotic. A monster (in some narrations they say it was a huge snake) emerged and started running after him. Malik ran away but the monster was still running behind him. He reached a cliff and below him was jahannam and behind was the monster. He decided to go to another direction, still running. He arrived at the coast of an ocean and a very old man in a white robe was seated at the coast. He went towards him to ask for help but the old man was very frail and weak. He just pointed to Malik to a direction and Malik followed the way. He kept running, the monster still behind him until he reached to a hill with small beautiful cave openings. He saw children, girls at the entrance of the caves and he immediately knew these were the daughters of the poor man he bought the bread for. The girls started calling out “Fathima come save your father! Fathima come save your father!”

Fathima appeared and motioned to the monster and it faded away.
Then she said to him:
“My dear father, ‘Has not the time come for the believers (who indulge in sins) that their hearts should submit in all humility to the remembrance of Allah and to the truth which is revealed’ (Al-Hadeed:16)”. He was moved to tears and asked her “My dear child, what was this monster?” She said “It was your own evil deeds which had made it so strong that it was about to push you into Jahannam”. Heasked “And who was that white-robed old man?” She replied “That were your good deeds and you had made them so weak with your scanty good deeds that he could not help you against the monster(though he suggested to you a means of escape.)” One of the few good deeds was the one he helped the poor man get bread for his daughters.
His daughter then asked him, “Father isn’t it time yet to repent?” Then he woke up from his sleep saying, “Yes it is time. Yes it is time.”

He stood up and went to the masjid. The imam (it is said that it was Imam Shafii, Allahu a3lam) led the prayer and recited the same verse that his daughter had recited to him.
‘Has not the time come for the believers (who indulge in sins) that their hearts should submit in all humility to the remembrance of Allah and to the truth which is revealed’ Malik was weeping uncontrollably. After the prayers he went home, packed his clothes and went off to Madina to acquire deen knowledge. He thereafter became a very famous, pious and knowlegable sheikh who propagated Islam.

It is through his pain for losing his child that Malik ibn Dinar repented. Many times Allah puts us in a difficult situation or takes something beloved from us just to make us realize how much we need Him. So do not ever give up on yourself or even on someone else. This story of repentance is a reminder for us that the door of repentance is open to even the most devilish sinner.  Allah’s mercy remains endless and He guides whomsoever He wills. Keep working on yourself. Don’t be discouraged by your sins or by irrational thoughts that Allah will never help you or accept your repentance. Another lesson we get from Malik’s story is the importance of sadaqa and dua in a person’s life. You just never know when or how or what will lead to your/someone else’s guidance. May Allah guide us all. Ameen.

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FEMINISM: DON’T GET IT TWISTED

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Photo Courtesy: https://mott.pe/noticias

One thing for sure, I really admire women empowerment, girl power, girl-child education, women working together across boundaries and beyond all limits to make a difference and the kind of powerful vibe successful women send off. It’s a beauty really. I mean, for once we don’t have to hate on each other on who’s got longer hair or a better husband, right? Trust me, all women relate to these scenarios, especially the times they almost had cat fights with their frenemies. You know, those ladies who go to work out at the same gym because its the trending thing, give each other those big ‘aaawww nice to see you’ hugs yet wanting to stab one another anyway. Don’t worry, we women have weird relationships. So, I mean for a change we get to hear women working peacefully for more than 24 hours. That’s close to a miracle yo! Okay, maybe a miracle is such a hard word. We do have several aggressive, intelligent women who do work together in a civilized manner and collaborate perfectly, its amazing. And at first, to me, this is what feminism was all about; creating the best out of women; beating stereotypes, elevating one another, appreciating one another, helping one another and of course, being successful together. But then ladies got too excited about it, things escalated and feminists started being radical. It became a competition.

Suddenly we wanted to prove to the world that women are better than men, that we can do without the men, that men are literally useless in our lives, and that yes, women have a right to be an equal to man. Now feminism is quite a wide concept and many feminists are inclined to different definitions of it. I’ll just talk about this one that amuses me; the one where ladies use up a lot of their energy to prove their worth being above the man. The idea which shifted their entire priority from what they should do to what they want to show the world they can do.


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Someone once said that women were not created to do what a man can do, rather, what he couldn’t do. I mean, wasn’t our mother Hawa (Eve) created to give company to our father Adam and not the vice versa? Doesn’t that show that a man actually does need a woman after all. He needs her a lot. It can be a mother, a sister, a wife…whichever female role she owns, a man needs her and that’s undeniable. Just let these men live alone for a week without any woman at all and see how he loses his calm and become the male version of Harley Quinn.

When the prophet p.b.u.h got his first revelation, whom did he run to if not his wife Khadija (R.A.A) to give her comfort? Why then would a woman go beyond limits to prove her worth and status yet the religion already puts her in a very high place?

The ayah in surat Nisaa goes like this, “Men have authority (are protectors and maintainers) over women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard.”

Also in a hadith narrated by Abdullah bin Umar, the Prophet (saws) said, “Everyone of you is a guardian and everyone of you is responsible (for those under your ward). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible (for his subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her husband’s house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for those your wards).”


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Our religion hasn’t made us equal because we can never be. Each of the sexes was designated with specific power and roles yet it never made a woman any less valuable than a man. In fact, she was raised in status more than she ever was in the pre-Islamic societies.

The Qur’an’s basic stance is that Muslim women are first and foremost Muslims, the religious equals of men (e.g., Q. 33:73).i.e.in regards to punishment and reward for their deeds, no one will be favoured. It refers to women and men as one another’s “protectors.” (Q. 9:71). Muslim marriage is described in terms of love and mercy (Q. 7:189; 30:21), and the Qur’an describes spouses as “garments” for one another (Q. 2:187).

A woman and a man were meant to partners, associates, each other’s better half. And don’t get it wrong, women are allowed to be vocal, to stand up for their rights, and to be as strong as they desire so long as it doesn’t go beyond the limits of religion.

There is the incident when Umar (R.A.A), the second khalifa of Islam, one day delivered a sermon against the practice of settling large sums as Mahr (dower-money), it was a woman who stood up and objected, saying: Oh Ameerul Mu’mineen, how dare you oppose the Qur’anic dictate that even a heap of gold may be settled on the wife as dowry? Umar did not resent this, but on the contrary showed appreciation for this woman’s courage of her conviction and right to freedom of speech. He exclaimed: “The woman is right and Umar is wrong.”

Also in the story of Khawla bint Tha’labah and her husband Aws ibn al-Samit as is narrated by Imam Ahmad and Abu Dawud and quoted by Ibn Kathir in his tafsir at the beginning of Surat al-Mujadilah.

Khawla said:
“By Allah, concerning me and Aws ibn al-Samit, Allah revealed the beginning of Surat al-Mujadilah. I was married to him, and he was an old man who was bad-tempered. One day, he came in and I raised a particular issue with him again. He became angry and said, ‘You are to me as the back of my mother.’ Then he went out and sat for a while in the meeting-place of his people. Then he came back, and wanted to resume marital relations with me. I said, ‘No way! By the hand of the One in Whose hand is the soul of Khuwayla (i.e., Khawla), you will never get what you want from me after saying what you said, until Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) decide between us.’ He tried to force himself on me, but I was able to resist because I was a young woman and he was a weak old man. I pushed him away. Then I went to one of my (female) neighbors and borrowed a cloak from her and went to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him). I sat before him, told him what my husband had done to me, and began to complain to him about my sufferings because of my husband’s bad temper. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, ‘O Khuwayla, your cousin is an old man, so fear Allah with regard to him.’ I did not leave him until Qur’an was revealed concerning me. He was overcome as he usually was when Qur’an was revealed to him, and when it was over, he said: ‘O Khuwayla, Allah has revealed Qur’an concerning you and your husband.’ Then he recited to me:

[Allah has indeed heard (and accepted) the statement of the woman who pleads with you concerning her husband and carries her complaint (in prayer) to Allah: and Allah (always) hears the arguments between both sides among you: for Allah hears and sees (all things)….to the end of the ayah (Qur’an 58:1-4)

Again in another instance of Khawlah, She met Umar (R.A.A) one day outside the mosque, when al-Jarud al-‘Abdi was with him. ‘Umar, who was the caliph at that time, greeted her, and she said to him, “O ‘Umar, I remember you when you were called ‘Umayr in the marketplace of ‘Ukaz, taking care of the sheep with your stick. So fear Allah in your role as khalifah taking care of the people, and know that the one who fears the threat of punishment in the Hereafter realizes that it is not far away, and the one who fears death fears missing some opportunity in this life.” Al-Jarud said, “You have spoken too harshly to Amir al-Mu’minin, woman!” ‘Umar said, “Let her be. Do you not know that this is Khawla, to whose words Allah listened from above the seven heavens? By Allah, ‘Umar should by rights listen to her.”


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There is so much beauty in a woman being tender, being feminine, being polite and humble, being motherly and caring. It’s for all this a woman is a woman. It’s for this she is regarded as the queen of this universe. Never underestimate a woman who stays at her home taking care of her kids and home. You may call her uneducated, unsophisticated, unclassy but the role she plays in her home is one that is priceless. We can never repay our mothers for the dedication they put on us. Same way we shouldn’t underestimate that ‘housewife’ just because she doesn’t have a well paying job like you do. And if you do have a decent job then go for it honey. Work hard, earn well, help your family, help fellow ladies, treat yourself, own that car you want, go for your dreams, no one will stop you. The religion doesn’t stop you so long as it doesn’t go against Allah (S.W).

We have so many examples to look up to. As one of the few Sahabiyat (female companions) who physically fought in battle in defense of the Messenger of Allah (SWT) and an advocate for Muslim woman’s rights, Nusaybah bint Ka’ab was not only renowned for her courageous efforts on the battlefield, but was also as a loving wife and mother. Aishah (R.A.A) for example was an educator and a renown teacher and Khadijah was a famous business woman. Khansā’ bint ‘Amr bin ash-Sharīd as-Sulamiyya, Rady Allāhu ‘Anhā (Tamādir bint ‘Amr in other texts) She came with her tribe to the Prophet Sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa Sallam to accept Islām. She was a famous poet whose Diwān (collected poetry) has already been translated into French. The list goes on and on and on.

Being submissive and obedient to your father/husband/brother doesn’t mean you should be a door mat. It doesn’t mean you should accept oppression or violation of your rights. Fight for your rights when need be, otherwise be obedient. Because yes, a man has authority over you. Not unless you want to fight God for that too?

If we look back into history, we see the good example of how men executed authority on their womenfolk.

Al-Aswad reported: I asked Aisha, “What did the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, do when he was with his family?” Aisha said, “The Prophet would do chores for his family and he would go out when it was time for prayer.”

Narrated by Aisha, Allah’s Messenger (saws) used to patch his sandals, sew his garment and conduct himself at home as anyone of you does in his house. He was a human being, searching his garment for lice, milking his sheep, and doing chores. [Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 5822]

“It is reported that a man came to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radia Allahu anhu) to complain about his wife’s ill-temper.
While he was waiting for ‘Umar to come out of his house, he heard ‘Umar’s wife scolding him and ‘Umar quietly listening to her, and not answering her back.
The man turned around and started walking away, muttering to himself: “If that is the case with ‘Umar, the leader of the believers, who is famous for his uprightness and toughness, then what about poor me?!”
At that moment, ‘Umar came out of his house and saw the man walking away.
He called him and said, “What is it you want of me, O man?”
The man replied: “O leader of the believers, I came to complain to you about my wife’s bad-temper and how she nags me. Then I heard your wife doing the same to you, so I turned around, muttering to myself, ‘If that is the situation of the leader of the believers,then what about me?’”
‘Umar replied, “O my brother, I bear with her because of her rights over me. She cooks my food, bakes my bread, washes my clothes, breast-feeds my child… and yet none of these are her duty; and then she is a comfort to my heart and keeps me away from forbidden deeds. Consequently, I bear with her.”
The man said,“It is the same with me, O leader of the believers.”‘
Umar said: Then, O my brother, be patient with her, indeed this life is short.

Men is this the kind of authority you have over your women? If indeed men were kind and compassionate enough as our role models were, we wouldn’t even be talking about radical feminism right now. It wouldn’t exist. If indeed men and women collaborated hand in hand as it originally was, if men supported their women achieve their goals and dreams and genuinely appreciate their talents and skills, if they sincerely helped their wives and the vice versa, we wouldn’t be so focused in this tag of war on who can do what better. At the end of the day, we all need one another. Work on being a better you without competing on who is bringing more on the table. Thank God for the table instead.

Hey ladies, keep empowering each other, keep working hard, keep fighting against rape, body-shaming, stereotypes and all the negativity around. Keep working for your rights without having to prove your value. You are enough. You always have been. If the man was a house, you’d be the pillar. If he’s the CEO you’d be the managing director. If he was the body you’d be the spinal cord. You might think you are being left behind the scenes, that you need to stand out for you to be appreciated but really,you always play a major role no one can defy that. So don’t waste up your precious energy trying to out-smart or out-do or be a man-hater. You don’t have to call yourself a ‘S-hero’ for you to actually be one. You are better than doing that.

Respect the men. They’ll respect you back. At least some do.

I am not sure if this relates to all women but at least for Muslim women, take note of this: Islam has always uplifted the status of the woman and given her the elevation she needs.

P.S Women were never caged in the first place for them to need freedom. Don’t get it twisted honey.


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Deen (Religion)

GOING BEYOND THE HORIZON

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So there’s this new local Islamic TV station coming up and it just got me all excited. I mean, if you are a ‘90s baby or prior that, then you will totally relate to all those times you were asked to switch off the TV because ‘there is nothing for you to watch’ or you’d be pushed to go sleep early even when you are having some chronic insomnia. You will even be thoroughly encouraged to go play outside even when the heat is about to unleash its superpowers, just to avoid you from watching something inappropriate. And even as we grew up, there was so much monotony in the stations because if it isn’t ‘Soledad’ in one station then it is ‘the day of our lives’ in the next. Too much misery in the news. Too much stereotype in the real world. Finally, the Muslims have a voice.

Horizon TV it is. It is the first locally oriented Islamic television channel in the country; a project of Tamaz Communications Limited, a company fully owned by Jamia Mosque Committee, Nairobi. With a lot of Islamophobia growing around the world, including our own country, this is a great blessing indeed. This is a wonderful platform for the non-Muslims to learn more about Islam; the true Islam and not the stereotyped one. This is the place where Muslims can acquire further knowledge. This is where we can allow our children to stay tuned to 24/7 because it is simply worth it. This is where hard issues are discussed and challenges are faced. This is where a better understanding of what Islam really is, is brought out. This is where we talk of societal issues that are yet to be talked about; the untold stories, the voices that need to be heard.

We are living in such a negative world at the moment and we really need some source of mega-positivity and inspiration. We need Islamic role models and mentors. We need to acquire knowledge in interesting ways that won’t make the students sleep in boredom. We need to move alongside the rest of the world. And technology is the answer. These visuals actually do have a greater impact than we ever think of it. And this is exactly what Horizon TV aims at: Make a positive difference in our society!

The objectives of the TV station are:
• To provide and support Da’awah activities
• To provide the Muslim community with a platform to articulate their issues and agenda
• To provide a platform where the masses will learn the true picture of Islam and Islamic values
• To educate, inform and entertain the targeted audiences (primary and secondary) within Sharia parameters.
• To produce and broadcast a variety of community programs for di’erent segments of society e.g. women,
children, youth, within the purview with Islamic shariah.
• To facilitate broadcast of other programs whose goals and objectives are in conformity with Horizon TV.

As we approach the D-day of the launch, 24th March, we pray that this becomes a successful project that will help Muslims come together in good terms and to educate both the Muslims and Non-Muslims as well. Horizon will be hosted on Star Times, GoTv, Signet and Bamba. The TV station will cover Nairobi region for starters before expanding biidhnillah.

Ready for great things ahead in shaa Allah!!

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