To read part 3 of this series, click here

Pre-Marital Questions & Discussions

Kindly take note that these discussions are expected to take place in halal contexts and have to be respectable. The aim of the questions is NOT to interrogate or judge an individual but rather to understand his/her life better and also allow the other person to consider whether that aligns with what they want for themselves i.e. establish compatibility.

The questions are not expected to be asked in one sitting for that will definitely make it seem like an interrogation, but rather should be spread out during different conversations. You have to be strategic and sensitive in how you phrase your questions to avoid misunderstandings or hurting the other person.

The questions below are to give you an idea of the important questions to ask but shouldn’t necessarily be asked in the same manner. It is always better if one integrates the questions into the conversations so that the parties involved can feel at ease answering.

1. Religion:

What sects and school of thoughts do you associate with?

Who do you read Islamic knowledge from?

Who is your favourite sheikh?

Up to what level did you study religion?

What does being religious mean to you?

What Islamic conferences do you attend?

Which masjid do you go to? Do you pray all five times and in the masjid (for men)?

What are your thoughts on women being in da’awah/teaching?

What are your thoughts on mawlid, moon-sighting (like on the occasions of eid and Ramadhan)?

If there are some critical differences in ideologies/sects/practices, one can ask, ‘if we got married, how would we navigate around these differences? Which ideologies will we teach our children?’

2. Children:

Are you interested in having kids?

How soon into the marriage?

How many kids would you want to have?

What do you think is a father’s/mother’s role in their child’s life?

For the woman: Are you willing to pause your career to raise your children? Ideally, how long a pause would you want to take?

3. Finances:

What is your income bracket? (The father of the girl can also ask this)

Do you deal with interest? Or take part in any gambling/betting activities?

Are you in debt?

What kind of lifestyle do you have based on your finances?

What’s the nature of your work/business?

Do you have any partners in your business?

How comfortable are you discussing finances?

For the woman: Are you working?

Are you willing to contribute to home finances?

Would we share everything in a marriage or have separate finances?

Do you want to be involved in financial discussions?

4. Employment:

What kind of job do you have?

Do you like your job? (Frustrations from work can frustrate a marriage too)

What’s the time of your work? Do you have night shifts?

How many off days do you have?

How often do you have work travels?

For men: Are you okay if I have career ambitions?

Do you want a career woman or a housewife?

5. Education:

What level of education do you have?

Do you have a problem if I continue with my education even after marriage & kids?

What do you think of higher education for your daughter?

How far are you with your Islamic knowledge?

Would you say you’re interested in gaining knowledge even as you grow older?

6. Past:

Is there anything in your past that I should know about? Do you think it will affect our future?

TAKE NOTE: You should not expose your sins for Islam does not encourage that. So you shouldn’t say anything unless it can affect your future. For example, you have children from another woman, or a child out of wedlock or addiction which you may relapse in, or record with the police, or trauma such as domestic violence or sexual abuse or STDs which can affect one’s marriage. Be careful about what you say here for it can be used against you in the future. You don’t have to talk about your past relationships or mistakes, especially after you’ve already repented. Stick to only saying what is relevant to your present and future with this person and your marriage to them.

Also important to note, when someone comes to ask you for information about an individual for the purpose of marriage, you are expected to be honest and transparent, for this is a huge commitment. HOWEVER, you shouldn’t mention irrelevant past mistakes and sins that they have already repented from or stopped doing. Don’t mention who someone was dating or what kind of relationship they had or they used to skip prayers etc. Stick to what the person is NOW and mention only the parts of the past that can affect the present and the future as well.

7. Future:

What are your future plans and goals?

Where do you see yourself in five/ten years?

Are you planning on staying in the same country/city?

How do you see your future with your children?

Are you planning on marrying more than one wife? And for the woman: if it ever came to that, would you agree to be in a polygamous marriage?

8. Hobbies & Lifestyle:

What do you do in your free time? Do you like watching TV? Playing games? Reading books? How many hours would you say you spend on your hobbies?

Do you travel? If you do, how often?

Do you cook or eat out often?

Are you vegetarian or on a diet?

Do you eat healthy meals only or do you eat the usual?

Do you do any exercises? Go to the gym? Do you take part in any activities to preserve your health?

Do you use any drugs? Do you have any addiction?

In our society today it is also important to establish what the individual thinks about gender roles; what do you expect of your husband/wife in terms of roles in a marriage and in your home?

Also important; how active are you on social media? Are you okay with your spouse posting details about your life online example, your family photos, travels, home etc. How much information is too much information (to share online)? What boundaries must your spouse have regarding how they interact with other people, especially the opposite gender on social media?

9. Family:

Are you a family man?

Tell me about your family?

Where are you from? What’s your background?

How do you see your relationship with your in-laws?

Are you planning to live with your parents/family?

Are you okay if I bring my mum/dad to us in case that is needed?

What’s the plan for them when they’re old?

What are your expectations of me towards your family?

10. Red Flags to look out for in potential spouses:

When you’re trying to know someone, especially for the purpose of marriage, it is tricky to know all their mannerisms because most people strive to be at their best during this stage. However, when having these important conversations, be on the lookout for red flags. Alternatively, when doing a background check on an individual ask about these issues. Here are some of the red flags:

*Unfounded Jealousy: Earlier on, we miss out on hints of extreme jealousy because we find it cute when an individual is jealous about us. However, this could be a huge red flag that we’re overlooking. Sometimes an individual could stalk your every single activity on social media and ask for an explanation for everything you liked or posted or for people who commented on your posts. They could ask you about every opposite gender who commented on your post and whether you know them. Sometimes when interactions lack modesty, it is fair that they ask for clarification on the nature of the relationship with the individuals, but sometimes individuals have unfounded jealousy over very innocent interactions. You’d see that these individuals treat you like their property and become so possessive and sometimes would even want you to cut off your friendships with everyone in your life. Some even ask their wives after marriage, not to even look out the window. Most of the time, people with extreme jealousy also have controlling behaviours.

*Controlling behaviour: Someone wouldn’t tell you they have controlling behaviour but sometimes you can get hints of it during conversations. For example, a man could get angry that you went somewhere without telling him. Mind you, you’re not even married yet, perhaps only engaged. But he already feels entitled. And as much as it can seem like he’s just being caring, this could be a huge red flag. Some men don’t allow their wives to even drop the children at school without his permission first or if they run out of milk or flour, the woman isn’t allowed to go to the store next door unless she calls him first. Don’t get me wrong, a wife is expected to ask for permission from her husband but there should be discussions on what are the limits. Shaykh Waleed mentioned that for example a woman is going to visit her family, or going to a wedding, or wants to travel then she must ask for his permission. But when it comes to daily, normal, mundane activities, a woman should be given the freedom to live as a normal person. Even if you can’t catch these red flags from conversations, you can observe these based on how they treat their sisters and female relatives. Some females are not even allowed to have friends at all, and they’re not allowed to even step out of the house even if there’s an emergency. Marriage is meant to be a partnership based on trust, love, mercy and respect, and such controlling behaviours make it seem like a suffocating cage for the woman.

*Violent temper: Be on the look out when you see that the individual has a very bad temper like they’re always ready to strike. That is a huge red flag and this individual could potentially take part in domestic violence.

*Constant criticism: Some individuals never have a positive remark to say and are the first to criticize you about everything. Why do you eat like this? Why did you dress like that? You look fat. You’re lazy etc etc. Those individuals will just lower your self-esteem with their constant degrading remarks. Please note that positive criticism is different from the above-the intention is good and the person genuinely wants to see you grow and prosper.

*Substance abuse/Addiction: You ask about this directly and ask about it from his friends, colleagues and family as well.

*Scary divorce story: If the man/woman was previously married and the story that is going around is of a devastating incident in the previous marriage, then that could be a red flag. For example, a woman is said to have been divorced because she was doing sihr, or a man is said to have raped a minor…stories like those. The important thing here is to verify such information so that you don’t end up unjustly forming false opinions about an individual. Sometimes a bitter ex could start such despicable rumours just to get back at them for being divorced. So just make sure to verify such stories.

*Arrogance-never admits mistakes-never apologizes.

*Bad friends

*Missing swalah

*No modesty, no shame, indecent

*No respect for family

*Stinginess, miserliness


*No proper hygiene, dirty

*No proper etiquette/manners; in talking, how they deal with people, in eating etc.



*Medical check-up: It is highly recommended to do a medical check-up before marriage. Individuals usually do tests such as for STDs, HIV, Sickle cell tests, mental illnesses and other important tests. It is also recommended to ask your potential about their family medical histories; any prevalent diseases for example cancer, schizophrenia, bipolar, diabetes, obesity, infertility, disabilities and the like.

PLEASE NOTE: This is NOT meant to stigmatize or shame individuals who are ill or are prone to some illness because of genetics. Rather, it is just so that the individual is aware of one’s condition or future risks. Obviously, as believers, we have firm faith in the qadar of Allah and His plans for us, so having an illness doesn’t mean someone is invaluable or worthless. But as humans, we have to be prepared for what we’re signing up for. Some people have no financial capacity to take care of an ill individual (chronic) or one with a disability and some don’t have the emotional capacity either. I mean, people are different, and that is okay too. Someone might find out that a woman is infertile but still decide to marry her with the plan of pursuing different medical paths and praying to Allah in order to get children. For someone else, that can be very difficult for them to accept. So it is only fair that an individual knows in advance of one’s condition so that they can see whether they can handle that.

*Praying istikhara: It is highly recommended that both parties pray istikhara before officially accepting or rejecting a proposal. Involve Allah in your decision-making process. Here’s a guide on how to pray istikhara: click here.

*Pre-marital counselling: It is so unfortunate that many, many young people enter marriages with absolutely no idea on what marriage is really about. The fantasies of love, having a grand wedding, becoming ‘social media couple goals’ or having cute babies are what several people think about when it comes to marriage. Yes, marriage can be so beautiful but there are many practical aspects to be prepared for such as communication, finances, etiquette and the like.

It is thus without a say that pre-marital counselling is very crucial, especially with the ever-escalating number of divorces in our society.

The purpose of these sessions is to enable the couple to be aware of matters concerning the whole concept of marriage in regards to Islamic view, to assist them in developing skills to navigate their way through marriage successfully, to help them understand their desires and expectations and to help them lead a true Islamic married life according to the Quran and Sunnah.

Some of the topics covered include communication, sex and intimacy in Islam, conflict management/problem solving (dealing with self and outer circles such as in-laws, phones and friends), goals and dreams, responsibilities and finances and budgeting.

The gist of it all is that each of the two individuals meets the counsellor for the sessions separately and even pays separately. Then the final session, the couple meet the counsellor together and discusses issues such as their anxieties, worries, weaknesses, and strengths and asks one another meaningful questions as well. The counsellor guides the whole process since this is something new for the two.

The disheartening this here is, most of the time, it is the bride-to-be who attends all the sessions. Often, the groom-to-be only attends the final session in which they all sit with the counsellor and talk. One counsellor mentioned that approximately, from the 10 couples they’ve had, maybe just ONE groom attended all sessions. Most men do not find the need for this, which is unfortunate, because while the bride educates herself on how to be a proper, righteous wife and have skills to deal with the challenges of marriage, her partner avoids all that.

It is thus very very important to encourage couples to be, especially men, to attend these sessions. A good way of doing that is gifting them the course i.e. paying for the two to attend the sessions. Isn’t that a lovely wedding gift? It would save the two a lot of headaches trying to figure out things on their own and blindly, yet they can be guided and be prepared for it in an Islamic manner.

We also have valuable Islamic books on marriage and they dive deep into the important aspects of life in marriage. We should invest in such books and even gift such to the newlyweds.

According to the institution/counsellor, there are differences in the number of sessions. Some give 3, some 5 and so on. From my own limited knowledge, each session costs around 1k per individual within Mombasa. But again, that differs from institution to institution and counsellor to counsellor. Please do your own research for confirmation.

Some institutions that offer these services include;

Noor Counselling Centre: 0739 724 234 (Mombasa)

Talluful Quloob: 0111 222 205/0774 222 204 (Mombasa)

Family Resource Centre-Jamia Mosque: 0717 767 888 (Nairobi)

You can also ask your local imam or counsellors around your area where you can access such courses.

Please note: The questions mentioned above are not exhaustive. As an individual, think carefully about what is important for you and ask about that. Also, seek advice from elders and wise individuals that you look up to. As much as everything is predestined and we believe Allah’s plans are best for us, we should also do our due diligence and ‘tie our camels’ by asking the important questions, inquiring about an individual’s personality, character and deen from their friends, colleagues, neighbours, checking their social media, local imams and the like, before the marriage. Remember to be kind, sensitive and thoughtful in how you ask your questions. These are not meant to undermine anyone but rather to create an understanding of who the person is and what a future with them would look like. So be smart, thoughtful and wise!

Also, as stated in part two of this series, here is a timely reminder: Be moderate on the things you’re seeking in a spouse i.e. Be flexible; don’t be too rigid, too specific or have too high expectations. All human beings are flawed in some way, if you aren’t flexible or are seeking perfection, you might struggle for too long to find what you’re looking for, or never find it. Even with all these pointers mentioned throughout the series, know what is most important to you and what you need the most because many times, people have to make compromises on different elements in a person. Please note that I am not saying you should lower your standards but be realistic in your expectations.

Finally, it is so important to stay steadfast to the deen throughout this entire process. Pray to Allah at every single step and ask for His barakah, ease and tawfiq. Strive to have a wedding that adheres to Allah’s laws and without any haram or extravagance. It is so important to start this new journey while Allah Subhanahu Wataala is pleased with us.

May Allah forgive our shortcomings, guide us to the straight path, grant us wisdom while choosing our spouses, ease throughout the process, and barakah throughout our lives. May Allah protect our souls from attaching to people who aren’t meant for us and grant us contentment in whatever He chooses for us. May He grant us spouses who will be the coolness of our eyes and the comfort for our souls. May we be blessed with pious offspring who’ll love Allah and be attached to the deen. May Allah make our marriages a source of happiness and peace for us rather than a test and source of calamity. Ameen, Ameen Ya Rab.



‘Fiqh of Love’ course by Al Maghrib Institute



That was the final part of our series. I hope it was beneficial to you dear reader. Thank you so much for your time 🙂 Till next time in shaa Allah!

Image Courtesy: https://dlpng.com/png/5781665

You may read part 3 at:  https://lubnah.me.ke/100-hadiths-on-women-part-3/

D. GENERAL BEHAVIOR          كتاب الأدب 

1. Looking at private parts of another 

Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) said, “A man must not look at a man’s private parts nor must a woman look at a woman’s private parts; neither should two men lie naked under one cover, nor should two women lie naked under the same cover.” [Muslim].

 وعن أبي سعيد رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:  “لا ينظر الرجل إلى عورة الرجل، ولا المرأة إلى عورة المرأة، ولا يفضي الرجل إلى الرجل في ثوب واحد، ولا تفضي المرأة إلى المرأة في ثوب واحد”

رواه مسلم

2. Women walking with men in the street 

Narrated AbuUsayd al-Ansari: AbuUsayd heard the Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) say when he was coming out of the mosque, and men and women were mingled in the road: Draw back, for you must not walk in the middle of the road; keep to the sides of the road. Then women were keeping so close to the wall that their garments were rubbing against it.  {Grade : Hasan (Al-Albani)}

 عَنْ حَمْزََة بنِ أبِي أسَيد الَأْنصَارِيِ ، عنْ أَبِيهِ، أََّنه سمِعَ رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يقُوُل وَُهوَ خَارِجٌ مِنَ اْلمَسْجد فاخْتلطَ الرِ جَاُل معَ النِ ساِء فِي الطرِيقِ فَقَاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم للنِ ساِء  ” استَأْخرَْن فَِإنُه ليسَ لكنَّ أن تحْققنَ الطَّرِيقَ عليْكُنَّ بِحافَاتِ الطَّرِيقِ ” . فكاَنتِ  اْلمَرْأة تْلتَصِقُ بِاْلجَِدارِ حَتى إن ثوَْبَها ليتعََّلقُ بِاْلجدارِ مِنْ لصُوقَِها بِهِ

3.   Entering Bathhouses 

It was narrated from Abu Malih AL-Hudhail that some women from the people of Hims asked permission to enter upon Aisha. She said: “Perhaps you are among those (women) who enter bathhouses? I heard the Messenger of Allahﷺsay: ‘Any woman who takes off her clothes anywhere but in her husband’s house, has torn the screen between her and Allah.'” {Sunan Ibn Majah 3750 Hasan (Darussalam)}

  عَنْ أبِي اْلمَلِيحِ اْلُهذليِ ، أن نِسوًَة، مِنْ أَْهلِ حمصَ اسْتأذََّن عََلى عَائِشََة فقاَلتْ لعََّلكُنَّ مِنَ الَّلوَاتِي يدخُْلنَ اْلحَمَّاَماتِ سَمِعْتُ رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ يقوُل  ” أيمَا اْمرَأَةٍ وَضَعَتْ ثِيَاَبَها فِي غيْرِ بيتِ زَوْجها فقد هتكَتْ سِترَ ما بينها وََبيْنَ اَّلِلّ ”

 4. Ingratitude

Asma’ was heard to say that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, passed by a group of women sitting down in the mosque. He said to the salam with his hand and said, “Beware of the ingratitude of those with blessings. Beware of the ingratitude of those with blessings.” One of them said, “We seek refuge with Prophet, Prophet of Allah, from ingratitude for the blessings of Allah.” He said, “Yes. One of you women might have been without a husband for a long time (and then Allah provides her with one) and she becomes angry and says, ‘By Allah, I have never seen a hour of good from you. That is ingratitude for the blessings of Allah. That is the ingratitude of those with blessings.'” {Sahih (Al-Albani) Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 1047}

 عَنْ  شَْه رٍ قاَ ل: سَمِعْ تُ أسْمَاَء،أََّنالنَّبِيَّ  صلى الله عليه وسلم مرَّفِي اْلمَسْجد،وَعُصْبة  مِنَ  النِ ساِءقعُوٌد،قَال بِيد هِ إَِليهِ نَّ بِالسَّلَامِ،فقاَ ل: إَِّياكُ نَّ وَكُفرَاَ ن اْلمنعِمِينَ  ، إَِّياكنَّ  وَكفرَان اْلمُنعِمِينَ،قاَلتْ  إِحداُهنَّ : نعُوذُ  بِاَّلِلّ  ياَنبِ يَّ الِله  مِ نْ كفرَان نِعَ مِ الِله،قاَل : بَلى إَِّن  إِحَْداكُنَّ      تطُوُ ل أَْيمَتها،ثمَّ  تغْضَ بُ اْلغَضْبََة  فَتَقُوُل :وَاَّلِلّ  مارَأَْي تُ مِنه  سَاعًَ ة خَيرًا قطُّ، فذلكَ  كفْرَان نِعَ مِ الِله، وَذلكَ    كفْرَاُن  نِعَمِ    اْلمنعِمِينَ

5. Shaking hands with opposite sex 

Muhammad bin Munkadir said that he heard Umaimah bint Ruqaiqah say: “I came to the Prophet(ﷺ) with some other women, to offer our pledge to him. He said to us: ‘(I accept your pledge) with regard to what you are able to do. But I do not shake hands with women.’” {Sahih (Darussalam) Sunan Ibn Majah2874}

  سمِعَ محَمََّد بنَ اْلمُنكدرِ، قاَل سمِعْتُ أَُميْمََة بِنتَ رُقَيْقة، تقوُل جئتُ النبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي نِسْوَةٍ نبَايِعُُه فقَاَل لنا  ” فِيمَا اسْتَطعْتُنَّ وَأطقْتُنَّ إ نِي لَا أُصَافِحُ النِ سَاَء ”

6. Women and leadership 

Narrated Abu Bakra: During the battle of Al-Jamal, Allah benefited me with a Word (I heard from the Prophet). When the Prophet heard the news that the people of the Persia had made the daughter of Khosrau their Queen (ruler), he said, “Never will succeed such a nation as makes a woman their ruler.”  {Sahih al-Bukhari 7099}

 عَنْ أبَيِ بَكْرَةَ ،قاَلَ لَقدَْ نَفَعنَيِ الل بِكَلِمَةٍ أيَاَّمَ الْجَمَلِ لَمَّا بَلَغَ النبَّيَِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أنََّ فاَرِسًا مَلكَُّوا ابْنةََ كِسْرَى قاَلَ  ” لنَْ يفُْلِحَ قوَْمٌ وَلوَّْا أمَْرَهُمُ امْرَأةًَ “

7. Regarding why women are deficient in intelligence and religion 

Narrated Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri: Once Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)  went out to the Musalla (to offer the prayer) of `Id-al-Adha or Al-Fitr prayer. Then he passed by the women and said, “O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women).” They asked, “Why is it so, O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)   “? He replied, “You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you.” The women asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)  !What is deficient in our intelligence and religion?” He said, “Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?” They replied in the affirmative. He said, “This is the deficiency in her intelligence. Isn’t it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?” The women replied in the affirmative. He said, “This is the deficiency in her religion.” {Sahih al-Bukhari 304}

  عَنْ أبِي سَعِيٍد اْلخُْدرِيِ ، قاَل خَرَجَ رَسوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي أضْحًى ـ أوْ فِطْرٍ ـ إَِلى اْلمُصلى، فَمرَّ عََلى النِ سَاِء فقاَل  يا معْشَرَ النِ ساِء تصدقْنَ، فَِإ نِي أُرِيتكنَّ أكثرَ أهلِ النارِ “. فَقُْلنَ وَبِمَ يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ قَاَل ” تكثِرَْن الَّلعْنَ، وََتكفرَْن اْلعَشِيرَ، ما رَأَْيتُ مِنْ نا قِصَاتِ عَقلٍ وَِدينٍ أَذَْهبَ لُلبِ  الرَّجلِ اْلحَازِمِ مِنْ إِحَْداكنَّ “. قلنَ وََما نقصَاُن دينِنَا وَعقلِنَا يا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ قاَل ” أليْسَ شََهاَدُة اْلمَرْأةِ مِثْلَ نِصفِ شهاَدةِ الرَّجُلِ “. قلنَ بَلى. قاَل ” فذلكَ مِنْ نقصانِ عَقْلَِها، أََليسَ إِذَا حَاضَتْ لمْ تصَلِ  وََلمْ تصمْ “. قلنَ بَلى. قَاَل ” فََذلكَ مِنْ نقصَانِ دينَِها “

 8. Turning effeminate men and women out of your houses 

Narrated Ibn `Abbas: The Prophet (ﷺ)  cursed effeminate men (those men who are in the similitude (assume the manners of women) and those women who assume the manners of men, and he said, “Turn them out of your houses .” The Prophet (ﷺ)  turned out such-and-such man, and `Umar turned out such and-such woman. {Sahih al-Bukhari 5886} 

عَنِ اْبنِ عَباسٍ، قاَل لعَنَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم اْلمُخَنثِينَ مِنَ الرِ جَالِ، وَاْلمُترَج لَاتِ مِنَ النِ ساِء وَقَاَل   ”أَخرِجوُهمْ مِنْ بيوتِكمْ قاَل فأخْرَجَ النبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فُلَاًنا، وَأَخْرَجَ  عمرُ فُلانا .   

9. Why most women are fuel for hell-fire 

Jabir b. ‘Abdullah reported: I observed prayer with the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)  on the ‘Id day. He commenced with prayer before the sermon without Adhan and Iqama. He then stood up leaning on Bilal, and he commanded (them) to be on guard (against evil for the sake of) Allah, and he exhorted (them) on obedience to Him, and he preached to the people and admonished them. He then walked on till he came to the women and preached to them and admonished them, and asked them to give alms, for most of them are the fuel for Hell. A woman having a dark spot on the cheek stood up and said: Why is it so, Messenger of Allah? He said: For you grumble often and show ingratitude to your spouse. And then they began to give alms out of their ornaments such as their earrings and rings which they threw on to the cloth of Bilal. { Sahih Muslim 885 b}

 عَنْ جَابِرِ بنِ عَبد اَّلِلّ، قاَل شَهِْدتُ معَ رَسولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم الصَّلَاَة يوْمَ اْلعِيِد فبََدأَ بِالصلَاةِ قَبلَ اْلخُطْبةِ بِغَيرِ أذَانٍ وَلَا إِقاَمةٍ ثمَّ قَامَ متَوَكِ ئًا عََلى بِلَالٍ فأمرَ بِتقوَى اَّلِلّ  وَحَثَّ عََلى طاعتِهِ وَوَعظَ الناسَ وَذَكَّرَُهمْ ثمَّ مضَى حَتى أتى النِ سَاَء فَوَعظهنَّ وَذكَّرَُهنَّ فَقَاَل تصََّدقنَ فإَّن أكثرَكنَّ حَطَبُ جهنَّمَ فقاَمتْ اْمرَأٌَة مِنْ سِطَةِ النِ سَاِء سَفعَاُء اْلخََّدْينِ فقاَلتْ  لمَ يا رَسوَل اَّلِلّ قَاَل لَأَّنكنَّ تكثِرَْن الشَّكاَة وََتكفرَْن اْلعَشِيرَ قَاَل فَجَعَْلنَ يتَصََّدقْنَ مِنْ حُلِي هِنَّ يْلقِينَ فِي ثوْبِ بَِلالٍ مِنْ أقْرِطَتِهِنَّ وَخَوَاتِمِهِنَّ   

10.   Wailing women 

Abu Malik al-Ash’ari reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)  as saying: Among my people there are four characteristics belonging to pre-Islamic period which they do not abandon: boasting of high rank, reviling other peoples’ genealogies, seeking rain by stars, and wailing. And he (further) said: If the wailing woman does not repent before she dies, she will be made to stand on the Day of Resurrection wearing a garment of pitch and a chemise of mange. {Sahih Muslim 934} 

أََبا ماِلكٍ الَأشْعَرِيَّ حََّدَثُه أن النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل  أرَْبعٌ فِي أمتِي مِنْ أمرِ اْلجاهِلِيَّةِ لَا يتْرُكُوَنهنَّ اْلفَخْرُ فِي الَأحْسَابِ وَالطَّعْنُ فِي الَأْنسابِ وَالِاستِسْقَاُء بِالنُّجُومِ وَالنِ ياحَُة ” . وَقاَل ” النَّائِحة إِذَا لمْ تتُبْ قب لَ موْتَِها تقامُ يوْمَ اْلقِيَاَمةِ وَعليَْها سِرَْباٌل مِنْ قطِرَانٍ وَِدرْعٌ مِنْ جَرَبٍ ” 

11. The best woman 

Narrated Abu Hurairah: It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: “It was said to the Messenger of Allah: ‘Which woman is best?’ He said: ‘The one who makes him happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and she does not go against his wishes with regard to herself nor her wealth.’” {Hasan (Darussalam) Sunan an-Nasa’i 3231}

عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قِيلَ لرَسُولِ اَّ لِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أىُّ النِ سَاِء خَيرٌ قَاَل اَّلتِي تسرُُّه إِذَا نظَرَ وَُتطِيعُُه إِذَا أمرَ وَلَا تخَاِلفه فِي نفسَِها وََماِلَها بِما يكْرَُه ”  

12. A woman is forbidden to shave her head

Ali narrated: “The Messenger of Allah prohibited that a woman should shave her head.” {Hasan (Darussalam) Jami` at-Tirmidhi 914 }

 عَنْ عَلِيٍ ، قاَل نَهى رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَْن تحْلِقَ اْلمَرْأة رَأسََها .

13. Rewards of a good wife 

Umm Salamah narrated that The Messenger of Allah said: “Whichever woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, then she enters Paradise.” {Hasan (Darussalam) Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1161}  

 عَنْ أمِ  سََلمََة، قاَلتْ قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم “أيمَا اْمرَأةٍ ماَتتْ وَزَوْجَُها عَنها رَاٍض دخلتِ اْلجَنة

14. Protective jealousy 

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: The Messenger of Allah said: “There is a kind of protective jealousy that Allah loves and a kind that Allah hates. As for that which Allah loves, it is protective jealousy when there are grounds for suspicion. And as for that which He hates, it is protective jealousy when there are no grounds for suspicion.” {Sahih (Darussalam) Arabic : Book 9, Hadith 2074 Sunan Ibn Majah }

أَبي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قَاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ “مِنَ اْلغَيرَةِ ما يحبُّ اَّلُلّ وَمِنها ما يكْرَُه اَّلُلّ فَأََّما ما يحبُّ فاْلغَيرَُة فِي الرِ يبةِ وَأما ما يكْرَُه فَاْلغَيرَُة فِي غَيرِ رِيبةٍ

To be continued…

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You may read part 1 at: https://lubnah.me.ke/100-hadiths-on-women-part-1/

B. CLOTHES AND ADORNMENTS                                                                                        كتاب اللباس والزينة

1. Adding false hair

A’isha reported that a girl of the Ansar who had fallen ill and had lost the hair was married. They (her relatives) thought of adding false hair (to her head). So they asked Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) about it, whereupon he cursed the woman who adds false hair and the woman who asks for it.
Sahih Muslim 2123 a

عَنْ عَائِشََة، أن جَارَِيًة، مِنَ الَأْنصارِ تزَوَّجتْ وَأََّنها مرِضَتْ فتمَرَّطَ شَعْرَُها فأرَاُدوا
أَْن يصُِلوُه فسألوا رَسُوَل اَّلِلّه صلى الله عليه وسلم عنْ ذَِلكَ فََلعَنَ اْلوَاصَِلَة وَاْلمُسْتوْصَِلَة

2. Tattooing

Ibn ‘Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) said:
The Messenger of Allah cursed the maker and wearer of a wig and the tattooer and the one who is tattooed.
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim

وعن ابن عمر رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ةلعن الواصلة والمستوصلة والواشمةوالمستوش
(متفق عليه)

3. Creating spaces between teeth, plucking hair from the face

Narrated Ibn Mas`ud:
Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing or get it done for themselves, and those who remove hair from their faces, and those who create spaces between their teeth artificially to look beautiful, such ladies as change the features created by Allah. Why then shall I not curse those whom Allah’s Messenger has cursed and who are cursed in Allah’s Book too?

عَنِ اْبنِ مسْعُوٍد ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قاَل لعَنَ اَّلُلّ اْلوَاشِمَاتِ، وَاْلمُسْتوْشِمَاتِ، وَاْلمُتَنَم صاتِ وَاْلمُتفَ لِجَاتِ لْلحُسْنِ، اْلمُغَي رَاتِ خَْلقَ اَّلِلّ، ما لي لَا أَْلعَنُ منْ لعَنه رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَْهوَ فِي كِتَابِ اَّ لِلّ.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5943

4. Evil make-up

Sa, id b. Musayyib reported that Mu’awiya said one day:
Should I narrate to you the evil make-up. Allah’s Apostle(ﷺ) forbade cheating. It was during that time that a person came with a staff and there was a cloth on its head, whereupon Mu’awiya said: Behold, that is cheating. Qatada said: This implies how women artificially increase their hair with the help of rags.

عَنْ سَعِيِد بنِ اْلمُسَيبِ، أن معَاوَِيَة، قاَل ذَاتَ يوْمٍ إَّ نكُمْ قد أحَْدْثتمْ زِيَّ سَوٍْء وَإَِّن نبِيَّ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم نَهى عَنِ الزُّورِ . قاَل وَجَاَء رَجلٌ بِعَصا عََلى رَأسَِها خرْقة قاَل معَاوَِيُة ألَا وََهذا الزُّورُ . قَاَل قَتَاَدُة يعْنِي ما يكثِ رُ بِهِ النِ سَاء أشعَارَُهنَّ مِنَ اْلخرَقِ
. Sahih Muslim 2127 d

5. False impression

It was narrated from Sa’eed bin Al-Musayyab that Mu’awiyah said:
“The Messenger of Allah [SAW] forbade giving a false impression.”

عَنْ سَعِيِد بنِ اْلمُسَيبِ، أََّن معَا وَيَة، قَاَل إَِّن رَسُوَل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم نَهى عَنِ الزُّورِ .
Grade : Sahih (Darussalam)
Sunan an-Nasa’i 5092

6. Wearing revealing clothes (tight, transparent attire)

Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger(ﷺ) as saying:
Two are the types amongst the denizens of Hell, the one possessing whips like the tail of an ox and they flog people with their help. (The second one) the women who would be naked in spite of their being dressed, who are seduced (to wrong paths) and seduce others with their hair high like humps. These women would not get into Paradise and they would not perceive the odour of Paradise, although its fragrance can be perceived from such and such distance (from great distance).

عَنْ أبِي هرَْيرََة، قاَل قَاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ” صِنفَانِ مِنْ أهلِ النارِ لمْ أرَُهمَا قَوْمٌ معَُهمْ سِيَاطٌ كأذَْنابِ اْلبقرِ يضْرُِبوَن بَِها النَّاسَ وَنِسَاٌء كَاسِياتٌ عَارَِياتٌ ممِيلَاتٌ مائِلَاتٌ رُُءوسهنَّ كَأَسنِمةِ اْلبخْتِ اْل مَائَِلةِ لَا يْدخُْلنَ اْلجَنة وَلَا يجِْدَن رِيحها وَإن رِيحََها لتُوجَُد مِنْ مسِيرَةِ كذا وَكذا ” .
Sahih Muslim 2128 b

7. Applying heena to nails

Narrated Aisha, UmmulMu’minin:
A woman made a sign from behind a curtain to indicate that she had a letter for the Messenger of Allah. The Prophet(ﷺ) closed his hand, saying: I do not know this is a man’s or a woman’s hand. She said: No, a woman. He said: If you were a woman, you would make a difference to your nails, meaning with henna.

عَنْ عَائِشََة، – رضى الله عنها – قَاَلتْ أَوَْمتِ اْمرَأٌَة مِنْ وَراِء سِترٍ بِيدَها كِتابٌ إَِلى رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فقبضَ النبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَدُه فقاَل ” ما أَْدرِي أيُد رَجُلٍ أمْ يُد اْمرَأةٍ ” . قَاَلتْ بلِ اْمرَأٌَة .
قَاَل ” لوْ كنتِ اْمرَأة لغَيرْتِ أَظفارَكِ ” . يعْنِي بِاْلحناِء .
Hasan (Al-Albani)
SunanAbiDawud 4166

8. Wearing gold and silk

Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) said, “Wearing of silk and gold has been made unlawful for males and lawful for the females of my Ummah.”

وعن أبى موسى الأشعرى رضى الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: “حرم لباس الحرير والذهب على ذكور أمتي ،وأحل لإناثهم”

9. Copying men

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas:
The Prophet(ﷺ)cursed women who imitate men and men who imitate women.
عَنِ اْبنِ عَباسٍ، عَنِ النبِيِ صلى الله عليه وسلم أََّنه لعَنَ اْلمُتشَبَِ هاتِ مِنَ النِسَاِء بِالرِ جالِ وَاْلم تَشَبهِينَ مِنَ الرِ جَالِ بِالنِسَاِء
Sahih (Al-Albani) SunanAbiDawud 4097

10. Clothing and covering

Narrated Aisha, UmmulMu’minin:
Asma, daughter of AbuBakr, entered upon the Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) wearing thin clothes. The Messenger of Allah(ﷺ) turned his attention from her. He said: O Asma’, when a woman reaches the age of menstruation, it does not suit her that she displays her parts of body except this and this, and he pointed to his face and hands.

عَنْ عَائِشََة، رضى الله عنها أن أسمَاَء بِنْتَ أَبِي بكرٍ، دخََلتْ عََلى رَسُولِ اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَعليَْها ثِيابٌ رِقَاقٌ فأعْرَضَ عَنها رَسُوُل اَّلِلّه صلى الله عليه وسلم وَقَاَل ” يا أسْمَاُء إَِّن اْلمَرْأة إِذَا بَلغَتِ اْلمَحِيضَ لمْ تصُْلحْ أَْن يرَى مِنها إِلَّا هذا وََهذا ” . وَأشَارَ إَِلى وَجْهِهِ
SunanAbiDawud 4104

11. Dragging of hem (the edge of a piece of cloth, such as the bottom edge of a skirt or dress, that is folded over and sewn)

It was narrated that Umm Salamah said:
“The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was asked how much a woman should let her hem drag. He said: ‘A hand span.’ She said: ‘But then it will uncover her (feet).’ He said: ‘A forearm’s length, and no more than that.'”
Sahih (Darussalam)
Sunan an-Nasa’i 5339

عَنْ أمِ سََلمََة، قاَلتْ سُئِلَ رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم كَمْ تجُرُّ اْلمَرْأة مِنْ ذَْيلَِها قاَل شِبْرًا ” . قَاَلتْ إذًا ينْكشِفَ عَنها . قاَل ” ذرَاعٌ لَا تزِيُد عليَْها ”

12. A dragging hem is purified by what comes after it Abdur-Rahman bin Awf’s Umm Walad said, :

“I said to Umm Salamah: ‘Indeed I am a woman with lengthy hems, and I walk in places of filth.’ So she said: ‘Allah’s Messenger said: “It is purified by what comes after it.”
Hasan (Darussalam)
Jami` at-Tirmidhi 143

عَنْ أمِ وََلٍد، لعَبد الرَّحْمَنِ بنِ عوْفٍ قاَلتْ قُْلتُ لأمِ سََلمََة إِ نِي اْمرَأة أطِيلُ ذَْيلِي وَأَْمشِي في اْلمكانِ اْلقذرِ فقاَلتْ قاَل رَسُوُل اَّلِلّ صلى الله عليه وسلم
””يطهِرُُه ما بعَْده :

13. Regarding perfume

Narrated Abu Musa:
that the Prophet(ﷺ) said: “Every eye commits adultery, and when the woman uses perfume and she passes by a gathering, then she is like this and that.'” Meaning an adulteress.

عَنْ أبِي موسَى، عَنِ النبِيِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَاَل ” كُلُّ عَينٍ زَانِية وَاْلمَرْأة إِذَا استَعْطَرَتْ فمَرَّتْ بِاْلمجْلِسِ فَهيَ كذا وَكذا يعْنِي زَانِية ” .
Grade : Hasan (Darussalam)

To be continued…

Photo Courtesy: https://mott.pe/noticias

One thing for sure, I really admire women empowerment, girl power, girl-child education, women working together across boundaries and beyond all limits to make a difference and the kind of powerful vibe successful women send off. It’s a beauty really. I mean, for once we don’t have to hate on each other on who’s got longer hair or a better husband, right? Trust me, all women relate to these scenarios, especially the times they almost had cat fights with their frenemies. You know, those ladies who go to work out at the same gym because its the trending thing, give each other those big ‘aaawww nice to see you’ hugs yet wanting to stab one another anyway. Don’t worry, we women have weird relationships. So, I mean for a change we get to hear women working peacefully for more than 24 hours. That’s close to a miracle yo! Okay, maybe a miracle is such a hard word. We do have several aggressive, intelligent women who do work together in a civilized manner and collaborate perfectly, its amazing. And at first, to me, this is what feminism was all about; creating the best out of women; beating stereotypes, elevating one another, appreciating one another, helping one another and of course, being successful together. But then ladies got too excited about it, things escalated and feminists started being radical. It became a competition.

Suddenly we wanted to prove to the world that women are better than men, that we can do without the men, that men are literally useless in our lives, and that yes, women have a right to be an equal to man. Now feminism is quite a wide concept and many feminists are inclined to different definitions of it. I’ll just talk about this one that amuses me; the one where ladies use up a lot of their energy to prove their worth being above the man. The idea which shifted their entire priority from what they should do to what they want to show the world they can do.

KE Gif Ge 468X60

Someone once said that women were not created to do what a man can do, rather, what he couldn’t do. I mean, wasn’t our mother Hawa (Eve) created to give company to our father Adam and not the vice versa? Doesn’t that show that a man actually does need a woman after all. He needs her a lot. It can be a mother, a sister, a wife…whichever female role she owns, a man needs her and that’s undeniable. Just let these men live alone for a week without any woman at all and see how he loses his calm and become the male version of Harley Quinn.

When the prophet p.b.u.h got his first revelation, whom did he run to if not his wife Khadija (R.A.A) to give her comfort? Why then would a woman go beyond limits to prove her worth and status yet the religion already puts her in a very high place?

The ayah in surat Nisaa goes like this, “Men have authority (are protectors and maintainers) over women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard.”

Also in a hadith narrated by Abdullah bin Umar, the Prophet (saws) said, “Everyone of you is a guardian and everyone of you is responsible (for those under your ward). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible (for his subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her husband’s house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for those your wards).”

KE Gif Ge 468X60

Our religion hasn’t made us equal because we can never be. Each of the sexes was designated with specific power and roles yet it never made a woman any less valuable than a man. In fact, she was raised in status more than she ever was in the pre-Islamic societies.

The Qur’an’s basic stance is that Muslim women are first and foremost Muslims, the religious equals of men (e.g., Q. 33:73).i.e.in regards to punishment and reward for their deeds, no one will be favoured. It refers to women and men as one another’s “protectors.” (Q. 9:71). Muslim marriage is described in terms of love and mercy (Q. 7:189; 30:21), and the Qur’an describes spouses as “garments” for one another (Q. 2:187).

A woman and a man were meant to partners, associates, each other’s better half. And don’t get it wrong, women are allowed to be vocal, to stand up for their rights, and to be as strong as they desire so long as it doesn’t go beyond the limits of religion.

There is the incident when Umar (R.A.A), the second khalifa of Islam, one day delivered a sermon against the practice of settling large sums as Mahr (dower-money), it was a woman who stood up and objected, saying: Oh Ameerul Mu’mineen, how dare you oppose the Qur’anic dictate that even a heap of gold may be settled on the wife as dowry? Umar did not resent this, but on the contrary showed appreciation for this woman’s courage of her conviction and right to freedom of speech. He exclaimed: “The woman is right and Umar is wrong.”

Also in the story of Khawla bint Tha’labah and her husband Aws ibn al-Samit as is narrated by Imam Ahmad and Abu Dawud and quoted by Ibn Kathir in his tafsir at the beginning of Surat al-Mujadilah.

Khawla said:
“By Allah, concerning me and Aws ibn al-Samit, Allah revealed the beginning of Surat al-Mujadilah. I was married to him, and he was an old man who was bad-tempered. One day, he came in and I raised a particular issue with him again. He became angry and said, ‘You are to me as the back of my mother.’ Then he went out and sat for a while in the meeting-place of his people. Then he came back, and wanted to resume marital relations with me. I said, ‘No way! By the hand of the One in Whose hand is the soul of Khuwayla (i.e., Khawla), you will never get what you want from me after saying what you said, until Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) decide between us.’ He tried to force himself on me, but I was able to resist because I was a young woman and he was a weak old man. I pushed him away. Then I went to one of my (female) neighbors and borrowed a cloak from her and went to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him). I sat before him, told him what my husband had done to me, and began to complain to him about my sufferings because of my husband’s bad temper. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, ‘O Khuwayla, your cousin is an old man, so fear Allah with regard to him.’ I did not leave him until Qur’an was revealed concerning me. He was overcome as he usually was when Qur’an was revealed to him, and when it was over, he said: ‘O Khuwayla, Allah has revealed Qur’an concerning you and your husband.’ Then he recited to me:

[Allah has indeed heard (and accepted) the statement of the woman who pleads with you concerning her husband and carries her complaint (in prayer) to Allah: and Allah (always) hears the arguments between both sides among you: for Allah hears and sees (all things)….to the end of the ayah (Qur’an 58:1-4)

Again in another instance of Khawlah, She met Umar (R.A.A) one day outside the mosque, when al-Jarud al-‘Abdi was with him. ‘Umar, who was the caliph at that time, greeted her, and she said to him, “O ‘Umar, I remember you when you were called ‘Umayr in the marketplace of ‘Ukaz, taking care of the sheep with your stick. So fear Allah in your role as khalifah taking care of the people, and know that the one who fears the threat of punishment in the Hereafter realizes that it is not far away, and the one who fears death fears missing some opportunity in this life.” Al-Jarud said, “You have spoken too harshly to Amir al-Mu’minin, woman!” ‘Umar said, “Let her be. Do you not know that this is Khawla, to whose words Allah listened from above the seven heavens? By Allah, ‘Umar should by rights listen to her.”

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There is so much beauty in a woman being tender, being feminine, being polite and humble, being motherly and caring. It’s for all this a woman is a woman. It’s for this she is regarded as the queen of this universe. Never underestimate a woman who stays at her home taking care of her kids and home. You may call her uneducated, unsophisticated, unclassy but the role she plays in her home is one that is priceless. We can never repay our mothers for the dedication they put on us. Same way we shouldn’t underestimate that ‘housewife’ just because she doesn’t have a well paying job like you do. And if you do have a decent job then go for it honey. Work hard, earn well, help your family, help fellow ladies, treat yourself, own that car you want, go for your dreams, no one will stop you. The religion doesn’t stop you so long as it doesn’t go against Allah (S.W).

We have so many examples to look up to. As one of the few Sahabiyat (female companions) who physically fought in battle in defense of the Messenger of Allah (SWT) and an advocate for Muslim woman’s rights, Nusaybah bint Ka’ab was not only renowned for her courageous efforts on the battlefield, but was also as a loving wife and mother. Aishah (R.A.A) for example was an educator and a renown teacher and Khadijah was a famous business woman. Khansā’ bint ‘Amr bin ash-Sharīd as-Sulamiyya, Rady Allāhu ‘Anhā (Tamādir bint ‘Amr in other texts) She came with her tribe to the Prophet Sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa Sallam to accept Islām. She was a famous poet whose Diwān (collected poetry) has already been translated into French. The list goes on and on and on.

Being submissive and obedient to your father/husband/brother doesn’t mean you should be a door mat. It doesn’t mean you should accept oppression or violation of your rights. Fight for your rights when need be, otherwise be obedient. Because yes, a man has authority over you. Not unless you want to fight God for that too?

If we look back into history, we see the good example of how men executed authority on their womenfolk.

Al-Aswad reported: I asked Aisha, “What did the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, do when he was with his family?” Aisha said, “The Prophet would do chores for his family and he would go out when it was time for prayer.”

Narrated by Aisha, Allah’s Messenger (saws) used to patch his sandals, sew his garment and conduct himself at home as anyone of you does in his house. He was a human being, searching his garment for lice, milking his sheep, and doing chores. [Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 5822]

“It is reported that a man came to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radia Allahu anhu) to complain about his wife’s ill-temper.
While he was waiting for ‘Umar to come out of his house, he heard ‘Umar’s wife scolding him and ‘Umar quietly listening to her, and not answering her back.
The man turned around and started walking away, muttering to himself: “If that is the case with ‘Umar, the leader of the believers, who is famous for his uprightness and toughness, then what about poor me?!”
At that moment, ‘Umar came out of his house and saw the man walking away.
He called him and said, “What is it you want of me, O man?”
The man replied: “O leader of the believers, I came to complain to you about my wife’s bad-temper and how she nags me. Then I heard your wife doing the same to you, so I turned around, muttering to myself, ‘If that is the situation of the leader of the believers,then what about me?’”
‘Umar replied, “O my brother, I bear with her because of her rights over me. She cooks my food, bakes my bread, washes my clothes, breast-feeds my child… and yet none of these are her duty; and then she is a comfort to my heart and keeps me away from forbidden deeds. Consequently, I bear with her.”
The man said,“It is the same with me, O leader of the believers.”‘
Umar said: Then, O my brother, be patient with her, indeed this life is short.

Men is this the kind of authority you have over your women? If indeed men were kind and compassionate enough as our role models were, we wouldn’t even be talking about radical feminism right now. It wouldn’t exist. If indeed men and women collaborated hand in hand as it originally was, if men supported their women achieve their goals and dreams and genuinely appreciate their talents and skills, if they sincerely helped their wives and the vice versa, we wouldn’t be so focused in this tag of war on who can do what better. At the end of the day, we all need one another. Work on being a better you without competing on who is bringing more on the table. Thank God for the table instead.

Hey ladies, keep empowering each other, keep working hard, keep fighting against rape, body-shaming, stereotypes and all the negativity around. Keep working for your rights without having to prove your value. You are enough. You always have been. If the man was a house, you’d be the pillar. If he’s the CEO you’d be the managing director. If he was the body you’d be the spinal cord. You might think you are being left behind the scenes, that you need to stand out for you to be appreciated but really,you always play a major role no one can defy that. So don’t waste up your precious energy trying to out-smart or out-do or be a man-hater. You don’t have to call yourself a ‘S-hero’ for you to actually be one. You are better than doing that.

Respect the men. They’ll respect you back. At least some do.

I am not sure if this relates to all women but at least for Muslim women, take note of this: Islam has always uplifted the status of the woman and given her the elevation she needs.

P.S Women were never caged in the first place for them to need freedom. Don’t get it twisted honey.

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