Trends – Strokes of My Pen

Creative Non-Fiction

#influencerculture

By Lubnah Abdulhalim July 30, 2024

The world of influencers is undeniably attractive – highly desired, admired, and full of potential opportunities. Their lives seem exciting in a way that many of us could only wish for. But do we take a moment to realize that a human being is behind the screen? A figure crafted from earthy clay, much like yourself – imperfect and flawed, facing struggles beyond our comprehension, and prone to making errors just like any other individual. So why do we elevate their importance to the extent of losing sight of what is right or wrong? Why do we seek to imitate their actions, clothing, and lifestyle in a desperate attempt to be like them, even resorting to wrongdoing, falsehood, harassment, and belittling others?

In Suratul Baqarah, Allah Subhanahu Wataala tells us, “˹Consider the Day˺ when those who misled others will disown their followers when they face torment, and the bonds that united them will be cut off. The ˹misled˺ followers will cry, ‘If only we could have a second chance, we would disown them as they disowned us.’ And so Allah will make them remorseful of their misdeeds, and they will never ˹be able to˺ leave the Fire.” While the initial verses describe the polytheists, they very much apply to the popular influencer culture we have now.

We should not expect that an influencer we blindly followed will stand up for us on the Day of Judgement. We followed them by our own will and dubbed them as influencers. So, when we see an influencer publicly revealing their sins and decide to follow suit, we should remember that we signed up for it ourselves. While influencers will be held accountable for promoting evil, they will never be asked about why others chose to follow their opinions and lifestyle.

Often, when influencers display their human side and imperfections after being seen as role models, people strongly react, blaming them for not portraying reality and feeling let down by their actions. However, the real question is, why do we feel the need to idolize fellow human beings and blindly imitate them, getting drawn to their carefully constructed lives and treating them like demigods? What drives us to want to copy their way of living?

We tend to romanticize fame and popularity without thinking about the reality of life and the long-term effects of our choices. Understandably, some individuals do not choose to be in these positions but rather, their roles in the community or workforce force them into the spotlight. Nevertheless, the responsibility and accountability still rest with them.

Some may not even realize the weight they bear on their shoulders. Even if the influencers themselves don’t ask others to follow them, they should be aware of the power they have and use it wisely. The ripple effect of one’s actions can lead to the accumulation of negative consequences in this life and sins on the Day of Judgement. This is a burden no one should bear willingly. It’s important for individuals to be mindful of the impact they have on others and to consider the potential impact of their actions on a larger scale.

Indeed, there are some people who aspire to become famous for positive reasons, but this pursuit often comes with significant dangers that are often overlooked. Some of us seek to gain as many followers as our idols, often comparing our lives to theirs and aspiring to become influencers ourselves. However, the sobering reality is that no one can guarantee that they will always be a positive influence on others. Likewise, none of us is immune to being led astray or experiencing negative outcomes. What we can do is be mindful, intentional, and wise to the best of our ability, and pray for guidance and strength in our faith.

Here’s a gentle reminder dear reader. Whether you’re an influencer or someone who’s influenced, it’s important to be mindful of your words, actions, and claims. Be intentional about what you share and consider the digital footprint you want to leave behind. Most importantly, be cautious about what you consume online and whom you consider your role model. The social media hype of individuals, trends, materials, and lifestyle can be more detrimental than you think.

As we navigate these unprecedented times of social media influence, let’s remember these wise words from Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with him): ‘Whoever wants to follow a path, let him follow the path of one who has died, for the living are not safe from fitnah.’ I mean the Companions of Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). They were the best of this ummah: the purest in heart, the deepest in knowledge, and the most straightforward. Allah chose them to accompany His Prophet and establish His religion, so recognize their status and follow in their footsteps. Adhere as much as you can to their example of conduct and attitude, for they followed true guidance.’

Deen (Religion)

THINKING OUT LOUD: HIJAB & BEING IN DENIAL

By Lubnah Abdulhalim May 3, 2018

Image Courtesy: https://standup4islam.wordpress.com

Can we think of this scenario together please? Yes, thank you for your undivided attention.

So, we all know that Mombasa has been having high crime rates in the recent years right? The youth gangs, mapangas and all the radical groups. Yet if you ask anyone, they’ll tell you that Nairobi is the scariest and most dangerous place in this regard. Isn’t it why we call it Nairobbery? Whether you are in Mombasa or Nairobi, there is a probability that you might actually be attacked or robbed in either places right? But you’d still take extra precautions to safeguard yourself when in Nairobi than in Mombasa, am I wrong? Great. We agree till this point. Naturally, this is the logical way to deal with these two scenarios according to the threat.

Now that scenario aside, here is a totally different scenario. I have seen this quote several times and I feel it is very deep. It goes like this:
“Was it really my fault?” asked the short skirt.
“No, it happened with me too,” replied the burqa.

It is very very deep and what we can stipulate from this quote is that:
#Rape is real.
#Anyone can be a rape victim despite their religion, their age, their looks, their clothing, their race or their lifestyle. Whether you wear rags and live in the streets or are a classy, married woman in your home, rape could get to you.
#We are in a cruel, evil and ugly world. This is our reality.

I mean, this is such a messed up world we are in at the moment. So messed up. We have people marrying their dogs and incest seems normal. How more messed up can it be than it already is really? We have people raping 5 month old babies and 98 year old men. Yes, men are raped too. We are lost and a twisted society.

Now that we have known we live in a perverted world, what are the chances that the one in a burqa will be raped compared to the one wearing provocatively?

The truth is, chances may be close to 50-50 because rapists are just rapists. They just go with how their self drives them. And that’s how scary it is. Nonetheless, wouldn’t you try at least do whatever you can, to not provoke unnecessary emotions in the man across the street?

Scientifically, men have as much as 20 times more testosterone in their systems than women. This makes men typically aggressive, dominant and more narrowly focused on the physical aspects of sex. They say that in men, the dominant perceptual sense is vision, which is typically not the case with women. In a situation where a woman sees a potential relationship/marriage in a man, he sees her physical features and what he can do to her. Yep, lust is the word. Now, this obviously doesn’t justify when men misbehave towards women but at least we are enlightened that men are naturally inclined to women unlike the magnitude women are inclined to men. It is definitely not the same.

Daleel in the qur’an? Allah (S.W) says in surat Al-Imran: {Beautified for men is the love of things they covet (desire); women, children, much of gold and silver (wealth), branded beautiful horses, cattle and well-tilled land. This is the pleasure of the present world’s life; but Allah has the excellent return (Paradise with flowing rivers, etc.) with Him.} So women are like gems in the eyes of men and this is mentioned in many hadiths, ayats which state that women are for men. Have you seen anywhere in the holy books where it is written on how men are a gift for the women or anything of the sort? No. Because women are the gifts, they are the ones who are precious. This is also why the man has to pay dowry when he wants to marry a lady. She is his gem. Not the other way round. We women hold a high status because yes, a man can’t do without a woman. It was why our mother Hawa (R.A.A) was brought into this world; for Adam. Not Adam being brought for Hawa. Are you getting the picture? I hope so.

I am just trying to break this down into small bits so we can stay on the same page.

From the scientific fact mentioned and the ayah up there, do we finally see the wisdom why Allah (S.W.) to cover herself entirely while the man is asked to cover only what is between his knees and belly button? Yes, because men are never going to change any time soon. They’ll still stare at you and there is a high probability your daughter will be cat-called and her daughter too. They are naturally and biologically inclined to look at you and flirt and just try to sweep you away. It is not right. It definitely isn’t but the reality is that our world is perverted and with social media being here, immorality will remain a challenge for a long time. The few good men who actually observe self-control and respect women, doesn’t mean their testosterone is any less, it just means they made a choice to behave appropriately (cheers to the good men aye?)

Getting to my point now, dear fellow Muslim ladies, don’t you think we have a responsibility to actually TRY and not provoke these beastly men? Back to the Mombasa/Nairobi example. Don’t we think our dressing does have an effect to a certain extent on how men react towards us?

I am sorry but I don’t really agree with ‘my dress, my choice’ because one, it puts our worldly pleasures ahead of what Allah has actually asked from us. Do you think the ladies who observe proper hijab don’t wish sometimes they could also doll themselves up and share their images with the world and get praises? That is a natural desire…yet they swallow it up and just laugh when people tell them they look like hababas in their jilbabs and all other kinds of jokes and mockery. It is a struggle for them too yet they still choose deen over dunya. Number two, we tend to forget that our actions do have consequences. Would you rather have a strange man staring at you with your body curves exposed or with you in a full hijab? Rape and harassment aside, we know that that is beyond our control and as said earlier, sometimes you could get raped either way. But still, wouldn’t you feel a little bit safer, even if just a tiny bit, safer being in a burqa and he can’t really see you as YOU with all your curves and all that? I intentionally highlighted the word ‘strange man’ because however much you think you know someone; this man who could even be your relative, you just never know when they might actually turn against you. This includes a father, an uncle or even a brother. So yes, they are still strange men and that’s why despite us being allowed to be comfortably dressed in front of our mahrams, there is still a limit on how much they should see and a level of modesty to observe. A man is still a man at the end of the day and satan doesn’t take a break just because these are people too close to you. The only who man who won’t be a stranger to you is your husband who rightfully deserves to see you.

You know what’s the saddest part of this story? We are denial. We are in denial that our actions have consequences. We are in denial that we are going wrong. Just to set this straight, I am in the least bit appropriate to talk about the perfect and proper hijab because I also know I am not exactly there. But I also know that this is a concern that we should talk about. My dear sister, when you share your photos of yourself without hijab or an improper dressing, you don’t get to complain when men misbehave because both you and the man are in the wrong. You provoked him, he misbehaved. Both are wrong. So you don’t get to remove the blame from yourself…at least not entirely. And when a fellow lady comes up to you and humbly (I said humbly) asks you about your hijab or advises you about your improper dressing, you say, ‘You can’t judge me. Only God can.’

Where we go wrong is not just the sinning, it is the exposing the sin and bringing God into the equation by saying only He can judge you. Sinning is one thing and exposing our sins is another. We all sin in our different ways and perhaps at this point you don’t observe the right hijab. That is fine sister. Strive to be a better human being. Pray a lot and get closer to Allah. But you deciding to expose it with the justification that only God should judge you, is you being in denial that your actions have consequences. The prophet peace be upon him said, as stated in sahih Bukhari,
“All of my ummah (nation of followers) will be excused, except for the mujaahireen (those who make their sins known). And verily it is a kind of mujaaharah (exposing one’s sins) that a man does something (sinful) at night, and then in the morning, when Allaah has screened his sin for him, he says, ‘Hey So-and-So! I did such-and-such last night…’ And the night passed with His Lord screening him, and he wakes up casting aside the screen of Allaah from himself.”

We all trip, we all make mistakes…why are we so quick to attack anyone who comes to us to correct us? Why are so bitter to anyone who actually just wants the best for us? We sin, we expose the sin…fine. Someone comes to us in a good way and shows us how we are losing our sense of direction yet we backlash them and criticize them publicly because ‘they are being judgmental’

If one is an influencer,the situation becomes even worse because several people amongst the followers who look up to them would regard their actions and words as bible truth and imitate them because they are the role models. Imagine on yaumul qiyamah seeing yourself with a lot of bad deeds, not because you did them but because you did them and influenced other people to follow your footsteps. That said, I really appreciate social media influencers who actually speak out about their hijab (or any other) of their struggles openly and they don’t deny they are in the wrong, instead, the say openly how they are trying to change and become better individuals such that their followers don’t get a twisted view and do the wrong as well.

We need to accept our mistakes. We need to stop being in denial and accept that our actions have consequences. We have a choice here; whether to be Muslimahs who sin but are striving to change and be better or Muslimahs who sin, expose and justify their sins. (This applies to men too)

That said, if you see me tripping, girl, please find me. Please tell me. Please splash water on my face and widen my eyes. Knock my head hard if I become rebellious and reject the truth. I do want someone to love and care for me enough to show me when I am going wrong. Because yes, those who care for you truly will always try to lead you to what is right.

P.S I know this article will probably provoke some bitterness and anger, so here’s my apology in advance. It is not because I am perfect or being judgmental; it is only out of my deep concern on this matter that I write this. It is also okay if you don’t agree with my ‘thinking out loud’, let us agree to disagree. May Allah guide us all, ameen.

The Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) conveyed to us something of the previous prophets’ messages, that “If you have no shame, then do as you wish!”

I rest my case.

Coast & Culture

IS BEING COOL THE ONLY COOLEST THING TO BE IN MOMBASA? Part 1

By Lubnah Abdulhalim October 31, 2015

IS BEING COOL THE ONLY COOLEST THING TO BE IN MOMBASA? Part 1

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy

Well since Mombasa is an amazing island with blue oceans and beautiful scenaries, the immediate first instinct of any person would be ‘if Mombasa is not the place to be cool then where else?’ but my ‘cool’ that i mean here is the extended kind which to some would be termed as laziness and irresponsibility. I am a resident of Mombasa myself; of course i wouldn’t want to talk ill of our people but truth be said; youth and even some of the elders are misusing the word ‘cool’ and how to be it.

In a research on community resilience against violent extremism that I participated in four different areas in Mombasa, there was this common factor among all the four places, which is the behaviour of the youth of Mombasa. It’s nice to be cool and to feel nice about oneself but that is totally a different case when a person decides they are too cool to do a certain thing.

So the typical scenario of a Mombasa youth is that of: I wake up at nine or ten in the morning, I go to the table and my lovely mum has already left some good breakfast for me on the table. After eating I will go out and do totally NOTHING sensible but when I come back home at lunch hour, my lovely mum has already covered some food for me. I may be 24 or even above that, I am jobless and probably so is my dad but there is nothing to worry, because this lovely woman in the house will always find a way to provide good food or at least some food on the table even when we don’t know how or where she gets the money from. So where is the coolness I am talking about here? You may find that this young man has been offered several jobs but his ego won’t allow him to go sweep in the streets or carry cement. come on that is totally not cool right? ‘I mean, what if pretty girls come by and see me in shaggy clothes sweating under the hot scorching sun, carrying cement?!’ Isn’t that the mentality that most youth have? So what they would rather do is wear their lowered torn jeans revealing their inner wear, have a funny ‘cool’ haircut sit at a maskan, chew miraa and smoke bhang, walk with some swag and have the ‘you-cant-tell-me-a-thing’ attitude. The best any of these young men can do is wait at the maskan for an attractive classic matatu with banging music so that they can ask for a one round of reckless driving like in ‘fast and furious’, because to them, that is what is ‘cool’.

The reality is that this kind of young men are untouchable in these times because the kind of power and command they put even in their actions has created fear within us. Right now we are having very young boys below 16 walking in gangs, carrying pangas and murdering people and scaring us out like hell because we know they are no joke; that once they raise their pangas up then there is no way that they will let the panga fall down without touching blood. Another not surprising factor that emerges is that most of these young gangs start with a fight over a girl. Then a boy from a certain place is beaten up to death and the others come to revenge and it goes on like that till the gangs become organized groups with full leadership. And this to them is so cool because it is giving them the recognition they want. They want people to talk about them in every corner and be scared when they hear their names and well, they have succeeded in that. Yet when you see them, you would never think that such a young boy can fight you to death.

It is only in Mombasa where you will hear a person saying, ‘come on I am learned, how do you expect me to sell water’ or such kind of a thing. It is also only in Mombasa where you will hear a youth demanding that their parents give them the freedom they want yet they can’t take responsibility of their lives. They want to be left alone so they do evil and harm people yet they still want to come back home and find food ready on the table. And this where we have to admit that the upcountry fellows are doing a pretty good job in raising their children because at a very young age, they teach their children to take responsibility and how to take control of their lives. Whereas for us, that is where we have failed terribly. Our parents have shown us clearly; ‘My son, for better for worse I will provide for you even when you have a wife and children, I will cover up your mistakes for you, even if you are murdering and attacking people aimlessly. I will give you the money you need, even when i know you will use it in buying drugs.’ And that is the attitude most of Mombasa youth grow up with in these times.

Then we complain when our upcountry brothers come to Mombasa and lead us. But we have no right to complain! These fellows come from wherever they are from, they start from the very bottom; sweeping streets, cleaning toilets, making tea but give them just two years and you will see the same guy already a secretary in the organization. Give him five more years and he will be the manager. Then the Mombasa lad will come to the same organization and be given the sweeping task and he will say, ‘I am more educated than the manager. I completed form four while he dropped out of class eight. I can’t accept such a job.’ Ask him why he will tell you because it is unfair. But they never put into consideration where this manager started from. I have a neighbour from upcountry who is a graduate from pharmacy course yet she opened her own saloon when she didn’t get a job. Then try asking a Mombasa educated lady to do the same and you will hear the response, ‘That’s not my kind of job.’ And this where the difference comes from; our fellows have a focus while we don’t! We are always comparing our journey with someone else’s! “He has a Subaru while I have a probox or, I have nothing that can’t be!” We give the lame excuses of ‘upcountry people run the country that’s why they advance in life’ yet we all know that they are not coddled and that’s why they never lose neither their cool nor their focus. As for us, we just want the short cut. We want to get employed in an office that will make me the boss from the first day. A job we can brag about and get recognition. When you ask why the response will be, “because it is cool isn’t it? to be the boss, to own a nice car, to come in the time you want. If not that then i’d rather sit at the maskan and have a good time.” And it is this mentality that has made most of the youth remain jobless, because they want heaven without struggle. They therefore create their own ‘heaven’ by being in gangs smoking bhang and other hard drugs, harm people, maintain some swag and well, life goes on!

Yet another sad truth is that, even when parents know their children are causing harm, they would do all they can to release their children when they are arrested; even if it means selling their houses and property. Well, understandably, parents will still be parents especially the mothers. In the end of the day, they still want them to be fine and be with them. They will always be protective, but the question is, are they doing any good favour to their children by bailing them out always yet they will still continue to murder and beat up people? Till when will the parents keep pampering grown up youths instead of toughening them up to be responsible youth?

It is at this time where no one should even talk about the children of others. It’s scary. Really scary. Today you may be pointing fingers of how lost the neighbour’s children are, yet you don’t know what surprises your own might bring you tomorrow. We just have to ask for God’s mercy and protection; even for ourselves as youth. As the Swahili methali says, ‘Ukiona mwenzako anyolewa, chako kitie maji.’