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Lubnah Abdulhalim


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TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 5)

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To read part 4, click here

Getting attached to the Dunya

"I was one to get attached.
Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and
the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.
However, the problem wasn’t with the vase, or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.
Yet the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us. Our weight was only meant to be carried by God."

(Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed)

Mahn, if I ever had a ‘spirit animal’ in this life, Yasmin Mogahed would be the one for me. Years back when I was reading her renowned book ‘Reclaim Your Heart’, I was mesmerized by how well she captured my personality on paper; for her internal struggles were exactly like mine and it was so profound to be guided by someone older on the same battles of life through her pen. I was one (and still am most times) to get attached, and boy didn’t life disappoint me too. I had to learn the hard way temporality of everything. I had to learn that everything coming our way is rizq and sometimes that rizq is not meant to last forever. It could be people, friendship, love, wealth, health, status, moments, even emotions…we could lose any of it or sometimes all of it once their time was up.

I once came across a profound statement that said something like ‘You ache because the love that you have for this thing was only meant for Allah’ and those words really stayed with me. When you first think about it you might deny it, ‘I don’t love this person, this status, this wealth as much as I love Allah’ but the truth is that when you form worldly attachments that paralyze you and make you have delusions then you are, even if indirectly, equating your love for this dunya for the love of Allah. And please take note that mentioning love for dunya is not necessarily love for material things only.

“After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.” (Yasmin Mogahed)

Allah Subhanahu Wataala says, “Still there are some who take others as Allah’s equal—they love them as they should love Allah—but the ˹true˺ believers love Allah even more.” And here, Allah refers to the blinding kind of love which makes us feel empty, lost, and in despair without it. No one and nothing can ever fill our emptiness except Allah Subhanahu Wataala. We are of course allowed to grieve and to feel sad upon losing our loved ones or things that meant something to us. Yet no one and nothing should be so dear to us to an extent that we fall into despair upon losing it. This in fact is not described as pure love but rather, misplaced love, unhealthy attachment and sometimes, codependency.

"Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn't about what others can give you because you're empty. It is about what you can give others because you're already full."

(Yasmin Mogahed)

Sometimes in the pursuit of our dreams, acquiring wealth, and building our relationships with others, including our spouses and children, we are overcome with intense passion. Sometimes we spiral out of control; we become slaves to the objects of our love and desire, and most often, we don’t even realize how damaging it is for us. We also don’t realize how these attachments could lead us to disobedience of Allah and the destruction of our nafs.

The Messenger of Allah, peace, and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever absorbs his heart in love of the world will be entangled by three things: misery that will not cease to discomfort him, greed that will not achieve his independence, and vain hopes that will never reach their end. For the world is seeking and is sought. Whoever seeks the world, the Hereafter will pursue him until death comes to him and it seizes him. Whoever seeks the Hereafter, the world will pursue him until he exhausts his provision from it.” (Al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr 10328)

Sometimes we become so engrossed in the events of our lives; both positive or negative ones, to an extent that we are distracted from the main purpose of our lives. For example, someone loses their mother or spouse through death and it makes them fall into complete despair such that it affects their faith. The believer is expected to accept their fate with grace and patience while bearing in mind that what Allah has in store for us is always better. And of course, I am not trying to discount the pain that comes along with the trials of this life. It hurts and aches deeply. Yet at the end of the day, we should remember that Allah never tests us except for what we can handle.

This also means that the love for Allah Subhanahu Wataala should be superior to anything/anyone else and that we should master the art of letting go and detachment. Letting go of all worldly attachments that paralyze us. Detaching from our desires. Cutting off any objects of love that blind us or anything that is no longer benefiting us. Most importantly, looking forward to the rewards of our patience in the hereafter.

“As much as you can, keep dunya (worldly life) in your hand--not in your heart. That means when someone insults you, keep it out of your heart so it doesn't make you bitter or defensive. When someone praises you, also keep it out of your heart, so it doesn't make you arrogant and self-deluded. When you face hardship and stress, don't absorb it in your heart, so you don't become hopeless and overwhelmed. Instead, keep it in your hands and realize that everything passes. When you're given a gift by God, don't hold it in your heart. Hold it in your hand so that you don't begin to love the gift more than the Giver. And so that when it is taken away you can truly respond with 'inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon': 'indeed we belong to God, and to God we return'.” (Yasmin Mogahed)

Some of the ways to detach from the Dunya are:

  • Frequent remembrance of Allah to fill one’s void
  • Seek Allah’s closeness
  • Remember death often
  • Be content and do not be greedy seeking this life
  • Invest in one’s self-development and seek spiritual healing
  • Be pleased with Allah’s fate upon you and trust His wisdom upon how He manages your affairs
  • Realize that anyone or anything in your life belongs to Allah and can be taken away from you at any moment.
  • In cases where you don’t get what you want, or things don’t go your way, realize that perhaps you love a thing and it is not kheyr for you (or the vice versa) as Allah Subhanahu Wataala stated in the Qur’an.
  • Finally, make dua-

Ya Allah, we are your weak, humble servants. We come to you with humility and in hope for Your mercy.

يا حَـيُّ يا قَيّـومُ بِـرَحْمَـتِكِ أَسْتَـغـيث ، أَصْلِـحْ لي شَـأْنـي كُلَّـه ، وَلا تَكِلـني إِلى نَفْـسي طَـرْفَةَ عَـين

“O Ever-Living One, O Eternal One, by Your mercy I call on You to set right all my affairs. Do not place me in charge of my soul even for the blinking of an eye (i.e. a moment).”

اللّهُمَّ قَنِّعْنِيْ بِمَا رَزَقْتَنِيْ ، وَبَارِكْ لِيْ فِيْهِ ، وَاخْلُفْ عَلَى كُلِّ غَائِبَةٍ بِخَيْرٍ

“O Allah, make me content with what you have provided me, send blessings for me therein, and replace for me every absent thing with something better.”

Ya Allah, please do not make this world our biggest concern. Ya Allah, please do not make this world our biggest concern. Ya Allah, please do not make this world our biggest concern.

Protect us from attachments that take us further away from You. Protect us from loving anyone or anything more than you. Protect us from seeking anything that will displease You.

Ya Allah, strengthen our hearts and our imaan such that we can bear our losses with patience and forbearance.

Make us among those who accept their fate with grace and good hope in You.

Heal our souls and grant us peace of mind with whatever happens in our lives. Please don’t let this life overwhelm or devastate us.

Ya Allah occupy our time and minds with Your Remembrance alone. Make us among those who are always striving to do good and be good.

Ya Allah please do not make us slaves to the objects of our love or desires. Please do not make our spouses, children, loved ones, wealth or status take us away from You.

Protect us from persistently pursuing people, wealth, or anything in this life that is not written for us. Instead, please redirect our hearts to what is best for us both in this life and the next.

Our Lord we beg You, do not make our worldly affairs be the reason for Your wrath upon us.

Ya Allah, guide our hearts towards You and allow us to attain Your highest level of Jannah, ameen ya Raabal alameen!

***

If you haven’t read Yasmin Mogahed’s book ‘reclaim Your Heart’ here’s your cue to do so. The book is life-changing mashallah.

Kindly subscribe below to stay tuned with part 6, the final article in this series in Shaa Allah. May Allah be pleased with you always, ameen!

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Deen (Religion)

TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 4)

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To read part 3, kindly click here

Broken Homes

The Swahilis have a saying that goes like, ‘Ndoa ni kuingiza mkono gizani’ (Marriage is like putting your hand into darkness (let’s say like a dark hole of sorts). This is to mean that whatever comes after the nikah is done is totally uncertain and unknown. However much you might think you know a person before marriage, this new phase is something totally different. It is unpredictable. It is filled with surprises and sometimes shocks too. And a lot of patience is needed.

Marriage is not a bed of roses just like it isn’t an absolute nightmare. There will always be highs and lows. Yet if you ask anyone who is walking into marriage no one will ever tell you that they intend to get divorced after two or three years. No one wants that for themselves and no one even expects it. We all dream of happy, blissful homes, and despite the ups and downs, we want to stay with our partners until our hair turns grey and our faces are filled with wrinkles. We want to have children who will be brilliant in intellect and wonderful in character and who will serve us until our final breath. However, that is not always the reality.

How many times have we heard of cases of domestic violence or emotional abuse or infidelity among spouses? Of fathers raping their children and mothers forming romantic relationships with their sons? Of once very loving partners now dragging each other in courts of law and hanging their dirty linen outside? Of children attempting to kill their own parents or siblings? How many times? It is so easy for us to think, ‘that could never be me’ yet how many times have we witnessed the tables turn, and in the worst way possible?

Most of us fail to realize how fragile our fates are and how we are in desperate need of Allah’s mercy and protection. Don’t let it confuse you-not every spoilt, criminal child is a result of a poor upbringing, and not every divorced partner is a result of awful character. For how many times have we witnessed pious, humble spouses from good families having the cruelest children who were but a test to them? And how many times have we seen two good individuals who were better in their separate ways rather than in a marriage? And how many negligent parents have the most responsible and kind children?

Allah Subhanahu Wataala says in Surat Al Furqan, verse 20: ‘…And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.’

Think about it- Nabii Lut’s wife, Nabii Nuh’s son, Nabii Ibrahim’s father were among the disbelievers. Nabii Yusuf’s brothers were the plotters against him, and Asiya’s husband, Fira’un, was the worst man to have walked this earth….

Think about the boy who was killed by Al Khidr during his journey with Nabii Musa aleyhi ssalam in Surat Kahf (verse 80 – 81) And Al Khidr explains to Nabii Musa why he ended the boy’s life in this verse:

“And as for the boy, his parents were ˹true˺ believers, and we feared that he would pressure them into defiance and disbelief. So we hoped that their Lord would give them another, more virtuous and caring in his place.”

This was a mercy from Allah to the parents-saving them from a child who was potentially going to mislead them. Yet sometimes Allah allows the child to live on and become a test to his parents.

Similarly, think of the case of Zaid ibn Harith (the adopted son of the prophet peace be upon him) who had to divorce Zeinab bint Jahsh because of the troubles in their marriage despite both of them being among the sahabas; good, pious people. And Allah Subhanahu Wataala revealed to the prophet peace be upon him to marry Zeinab after the divorce (And this was to show the validity of marrying an adopted son’s ex-wife).

…The list goes on and on. Weren’t these prophets and most pious individuals? Yet they too endured tests within their families Subhanallah.

'O you who have believed, indeed, among your spouses and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive - then indeed, Allāh is Forgiving and Merciful. Your wealth and your children are but a trial, and Allah has with Him a great reward.'

(Surat At-Taghabun, verse 14 - 15)

When I was younger I used to think that if a spouse is pious and affectionate with their spouse, and they raised their children upon the deen then nothing could ever go wrong. But boy, didn’t life open up my eyes? It is very scary and sad when we look around our own families and friends’ marriages and see the kind of struggles people have to endure. And for every one person that I meet that says, ‘Get married, it is such a beautiful thing’ I meet four others who say, ‘Don’t rush. Take your time for what awaits on the other side is not a joke.’ It is even more heartbreaking to see what children have to endure as a result of broken homes or the kind of monsters created within them from the experiences they endure. Or sometimes we see parents violate and abuse their own children and vice versa, and it really terrifies me that none of us is guaranteed an upright spouse who will fear Allah on you and your children or children who will honour you after you gave them the best kind of upbringing.

It all goes back to what Allah has decreed upon us- and sometimes, these same people who are meant to be blessings, become the hardest trials upon us (May Allah protect us). I think it is timely to say that, the next time you see someone in a tough marriage, or who is divorced, don’t be quick to judge their character or religiosity. Just the same way when you see a child abusing drugs or harming his/her own family members, don’t be quick to point fingers at the parents for poor upbringing. And of course, these trials are not necessarily only within the direct family. Sometimes the in-laws are the test, or one’s parents or grandparents, or siblings or extended family.

Truly life is not simply black and white. If anything, whenever we see someone suffering at the hands of their own people, or when we see people harming their own loved ones, we should be quick to make dua for them and for ourselves, our children, and our families -for very very easily could we be tested the same exact way or worse.

*

Ya Allah, we come to you with our hopes and fears with regards to our homes.

Ya Allah, please grant us peaceful homes that will be filled with Your remembrance. Please grant us spouses, children, families and in-laws who will be huge blessings to us, and us to them. Ya Allah, please do not test us with our spouses, children, parents, siblings, families or in-laws. Ya Allah make our families have the fear of You with regards to us and enable us to be among Your most beloved worshippers.

Ya Allah, please grant us spouses who will bring us closer to you. Who will be merciful, kind and compassionate towards us throughout the highs and lows of life. Ya Allah make them fit in well with our families and let us fit well with their families. Ya Allah make our spouses honour our parents like their own and make us do the same for their parents. Ya Allah grant us an understanding of one another, patience towards each others’ shortcomings and love and mercy that lasts till Jannah.

Ya Allah grant us offsprings who will grow up in Your remembrance; who will love You and dedicate their lives to your worship. Ya Allah make Your book, the Qur’an, beloved to them and to us, and make them among those who not only recite it beautifully but memorize it and apply its teachings to their lives.

Ya Allah, if you have written for us spouses and offspring who will be a test for us, we beg You to change that fate for us and grant us in their place spouses and offspring who will be a huge blessing to us.

Ya Allah make our spouses, children, and families feel most safe with us, and may we feel most safe with them. Ya Allah protect us from divorce, and unhappy marriages that can only be survived and endured, and lifeless marriages that lack love and compassion, and ungrateful children and displeasure of parents and cruelty of in-laws.

Ya Allah please bless our homes and protect us from all evil, conflict, ayn, hasad and sihr.

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

‘Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.’

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ

‘My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring.’


رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ

‘My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and from my descendants. Our Lord, and accept my supplication.’

رَبَّنَا وَٱجْعَلْنَا مُسْلِمَيْنِ لَكَ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِنَآ أُمَّةًۭ مُّسْلِمَةًۭ لَّكَ وَأَرِنَا مَنَاسِكَنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَآ ۖ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلتَّوَّابُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ

‘Our Lord! Make us submissive to You and make out of our descendants a community that submits itself to You, and show us the ways of Your worship, and turn to us in mercy. You are Much-Relenting, Most Compassionate.’


رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَالِدَيَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضَاهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِي ۖ إِنِّي تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِين

‘My Lord! Inspire me to ˹always˺ be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instil righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit ˹to Your Will˺.’

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنْ لَدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً ۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ

‘My Lord, grant me from Yourself a good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication.’

اللَّهُمَّ أَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِنَا وَأَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنَا وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلاَمِ وَنَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّورِ وَجَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَبَارِكْ لَنَا فِي أَسْمَاعِنَا وَأَبْصَارِنَا وَقُلُوبِنَا وَأَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ وَاجْعَلْنَا شَاكِرِينَ لِنِعْمَتِكَ مُثْنِينَ بِهَا قَابِلِيهَا وَأَتِمَّهَا عَلَيْنَا‏.‏

‘O Allah, join our hearts, mend our social relationship, guide us to the path of peace, bring us from darkness to light, save us from obscenities, outward or inward, and bless our ears, our eyes, our hearts, our wives, our children, and relent toward us; Thou art the Relenting, the Merciful. And make us grateful for Thy blessing and make us praise it while accepting it and give it to us in full.’

Ameen ameen ameen!

***

Alhamdulilah we are blessed to be alive within the last ten days of Ramadhan. May Allah grant us the chance to experience laylatul qadr while in worship. May He grant us redemption, accept our good deeds and elevate our status, ameen!

Kindly subscribe below to stay tuned with part 5 of this series: ‘Getting attached to the Dunya’ in Shaa Allah. And please share the link to your networks, shukran! Stay blessed in shaa Allah 🙂

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TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 3)

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To read part 2, kindly click here.

Losing of loved ones

I am very familiar with grief. With its smell that lingers and its sour taste on the lips kissing you with every remembrance and every memory. It is something inevitable that each one of us will experience; whether it is separation in this world because of conflict or changes beyond our control, or because of death.

When it comes to worldly separation, we’ve seen families separate, take each other to court and some even kill each other because of wealth or other kinds of fitna. Sometimes beloved companions become detested enemies because of betrayal, envy, or revealed ill intentions. It truly breaks the heart when family or friends who were once closest to you are now the ones against you.

Yet despite all that, the loss through death is the one that hurts the most. It is inevitable. It is permanent. And death- you never really get used to it. There is no point where you can say you have lost enough people that it doesn’t hurt anymore. It hurts. It always will. This is why Allah Subhanahu Wataala gives glad tidings to those who are patient with such tests; their reward is going to be enormous in the hereafter.

"We will certainly test you with a touch of fear and famine and loss of property, life, and crops. Give good news to those who patiently endure."

Surat Al Baqarah, Verse 155

Naturally then, the fear of losing loved ones is so vivid within me. Whenever death struck and depending on the dearness of the person to me, it would last me many months and even years before I could even say I am over it. Yet the worst fear of all is losing my beloved parents. The dearest people to my heart. The two individuals that I am absolutely terrified to lose.

I grew up witnessing my parents struggle with major health complications for a big part of their lives that had both of them take pills like sweets to be devoured morning, noon, and night alhamdulillah. Yet whenever either of them got more ill, I would always think, ‘Is this it? Is this goodbye now?’ And my heart would remain in distress until I could finally see them better.

I remember during the Corona period, my mother lost two of her siblings to Corona in less than a year; one of whom was my favourite uncle. This was in addition to several other relatives who had also contracted the virus and had been very ill from it.

Within the months that followed our entire home was affected with flu, sore throat, and several other symptoms of Corona. My mother was the worst for she was really struggling to breathe and her coughing would be heard throughout the day and night. The initial tests she did stated that she had pneumonia with an indication of Corona. This was exactly what had happened to my uncle. My fear tripled and I spent my days crying endlessly. I really thought this is it. My parents having Corona and major health conditions? It was only by Allah’s mercy that they would survive. My tears would flow effortlessly and with no warning but I tried to hide them as much as I could.

But then one day it became too overwhelming for me to keep it to myself. I remembered mama two during her last days; how I stayed away because it was too painful to see her waste away. How that haunted me for many years after, because I kept thinking did she really understand I stayed away and couldn’t meet her eye to eye because I never wanted to lose her? And that I felt so helpless for I couldn’t take away her pain? Did she really know how much I loved her?’ Questions questions…

I, therefore, decided to talk to my mother about it. But when I got to her, I was weeping and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, ‘What if you die?’ In retrospect, I now realize how wrong that question was for it to be directed to a sick person. But in moments of weakness, we rarely think clearly before speaking. Now my father- who is such a firm and brave man- awoke from his sleep from my crying, thinking that someone had literally died. When he was told I was crying because I was worried about them, he clicked his tongue and went back to sleep 😂 (I love my dad because he reminds me of Umar Ibn Khattab; tough people with unwavering strength and perseverance. It is he who has taught me to never fear anyone or accept any kind of injustice. Whether I implement that is another story 😂) And even though he knows when to be gentle and merciful, I could sense that he expected better from me.

My mother on the other hand hugged me and she said, ‘Then we’d be dead. You must prepare yourself for it because it is inevitable. We’re all going to experience it sooner or later. You have to be strong.’ Then to comfort me, she went on to mention people we know who were (previously) critically ill yet still made it through and others who died for no other reason than that their time had arrived. She wanted me to be more hopeful of Allah’s mercy and keep making dua for them.

My elder sister, whom I consider the epitome of patience (Allah ybarik feeha) said, “It is like we’re all on a journey on a train. And at some point, different people will have to alight at different stages because their journey has come to an end. Yet that doesn’t mean the rest of us will come to a halt because someone alighted from the train. We go on with our journey regardless, because we haven’t yet reached our destination. We have no choice but to move on.”

I still marvel at their words because despite knowing the reality of death and what our Deen requires from us, I am in awe of their firm faith. With their strength. With their good expectations on acquiring better with Allah in the next life. Most times I wish I was as strong as they are.

I am still trying, and mostly failing at being that strong. My mother says she is most worried about me among her children (despite being a middle child) after they’re gone because of my fragility. And of course, it is something I will perhaps have to work on throughout my life yet I realize I should always seek Allah’s help through it all.

“The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, “if only I had done such and such” rather say “Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa’ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).” For (saying) ‘If’ opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.'” (Sunan Ibn Majah 79)

I strive to be stronger with firmer faith. This is why I bring those fears to Allah Subhanahu Wataala. The only One with answers. The only One with relief. The only One who can really strengthen me.

For those who’ve died…

Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim…there are people in the graves; people who loved us dearly and we loved them just as much. People who we continue to miss even years after their demise…Ya Allah, please forgive them. Please have mercy on them and make their graves to be beautiful gardens from the gardens of Paradise that are filled with wonderful scents never smelled before. Ya Allah please elevate their status, make them among those who will enter Jannah without accountability, and most importantly Ya Allah, reunite us with them beautifully in the highest level of Jannah, Ameen.

For our loved ones in this life…

Ya Allah, please protect our loved ones from all harm and evil of this world. Protect our bonds with them from betrayal, ill intentions, misguidance, envy, and any kind of fitna. Enrich our relationships with your love and nurture within us sincerity and compassion towards one another. Ya Allah, allow us to stay in good relations with them till our death and reunite us thereafter in your eternal paradise.

Ya Allah, when it is time for us or our loved ones to depart from this world, grant us (and them) the strength and patience to bear the loss. Grant us firm faith and comfort in the belief that we shall meet once again at a better place with better lives in your Jannah Ya Rab.

And Ya Allah, if anyone pretends to love us while they backbite/slander/envy/have ill intentions towards us, we seek your protection from them, Ya Allah. Grant us insight in recognizing them for who they really are and as early as possible, ameen.

For our parents…

Ya Rab, before you take away our parents grant us an opportunity to serve them, assist them, make them happy and make their dreams come true. Ya Allah, please grant them long, healthy lives filled with your love, mercy, and peace. Allow them to witness and be part of our success and prosperity in this life while in a good state of health and mind. Allow them to be present during milestones of our lives; career advancements, marriage, parenthood, and the growth of our connection with you. Guide us to serve them without any hesitation or complaints or exhaustion. Ya Rab, please bless us with an opportunity to visit your Holy Lands Makkah and Madina with them and all our siblings, while in good health and make us among those whose ibadat will be accepted. Ya Allah, protect us from being among those who neglect their parents during old age.

Ya Allah, when it is their time to depart from this world, please take them without testing them with illnesses that will humiliate or shame them before other people. Ya Allah, make them die gracefully without suffering or needing anyone but You. Only take them when they are very pleased with us and you are very pleased with them. Ya Allah, grant them and us, beautiful endings.

Oh Lord, for any good that we do, let them have a share of it for they have nurtured us in the best manner as you required of them. And when you do take them, grant us the strength, patience, and comfort to bear their loss. Guide us to remember them with dua and sadaqat after their departure and reunite us thereafter in your Jannah, in the most beautiful way. Ameen Ya Rabbal Alaameen!

*

Whenever calamity strikes and we lose one of our loved ones, may we always remember this hadith and may we be among those believing slaves, Ameen!

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Allah, the Exalted, says: ‘I have no reward except Jannah for a believing slave of Mine who shows patience and anticipates My reward when I take away his favourite one from the inhabitants of the world.”‘ (Riyad as-Salihin 923)

***

P.S: Alhamdulilah my parents and family survived the Corona virus. Alhamdulilah. Please keep them in your duas.

That said, I am also kindly requesting that you make dua for one of my loved ones who’s been critically ill, admitted to the ICU for a couple of days now. I will realllyyy appreciate your duas.

Thank you so much for your time! May Allah accept our good deeds, strengthen our imaan and make us among His most beloved servants, ameen!

Kindly subscribe below to stay tuned with part 4 of this series: Broken Homes in Shaa Allah 🙂

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TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 2)

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To read part 1 of this series, click here.

Misguidance, Humiliation, and Death Upon Them

One of the most striking stories for me is Barsisa’s; the man who was known for his spirituality, piety, and dedication to the religion yet he ended up being a fornicator, a murderer, and just before he died, a mushrik (for he bowed down for Shaitan). I think about Barsisa a lot. I talk about his story to anyone who cares to hear about it. I ponder on it because it gives me a reality check. None of us is safe from the whispers of shaitan. None of us is guaranteed to die upon guidance and on the straight path. His story (among many others) terrifies me. If this man who loved Allah Subhanahu Wataala deeply and was devoted to his worship had such a humiliating end, who am I to feel confident about my own religiosity?

Think about it; how many times have we witnessed the humiliation of prominent people; individuals known for their da’awah or charity work or whatever good they are known for? How many hijabis were we following and saw them as our role models and very heartbreakingly, we saw them remove hijab bit by bit as they gained popularity? Please don’t get me wrong. I do not look at them with the eye of judgment but rather, that of extreme fear. For myself. For my loved ones. That could be me. It could easily be me or you or your sister if Allah Subhanahu Wataala doesn’t protect us from our own selves and the whispers of shaitan.

With the kind of fitna we have right now, evil has become so popularized and romanticized to the extent that we don’t even realize when we start going the wrong way. And when we do, unfortunately, our friends and family would rather look from afar rather than reach out to us before worse gets to worst. When we finally have our downfall and public humiliation, we become ‘teaaaaa’ followed by laughing emojis among the social media citizens. We love the drama. We love the ‘I knew he/she was too good to be true’. We love the ‘She/He’s always been a hypocrite’. And yeah, perhaps they were truly hypocrites, and Allah Subhanahu Wataala finally exposed them. Or perhaps they lost control over their nafs and lost their way…who knows perhaps they will repent and be forgiven? How do we not take a moment to think about our own shortcomings and ponder our own direction? How confident are we that the same thing could never happen to you and me? So in our excitement, we retweet, we quote tweet, we share the videos and screenshots. We make jokes and create memes, because…it could never be you? We forget that we have our own skeletons in our wardrobes that Allah Subhanahu Wataala has skillfully concealed from the world.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some things that people have to be called out for; like when a person in da’awah is intentionally misleading people, or a person has been redirecting charity funds to their own accounts…you know, things that we would say that people NEED to know about because otherwise, it can be detrimental to the Muslim community. Yet when it is individualistic sins, how are we so quick to humiliate and shame others when Allah Subhanahu Wataala has concealed our own? How are we so sure that we would never fall into a similar sin? Subhanallah.

Such thoughts absolutely terrify me because what if I became misguided? Would anyone care enough to correct me? Guide me? Would anyone pray for me? Or would people wait to rejoice and make fun of my misguidance?

Sometimes I think people are not scared enough. And of course, I am not saying I have no hope in Allah’s mercy upon me or upon us all, but it just shocks me how comfortable people get seeing others fall into misguidance and the best they can do is gossip and humiliate further the individuals at wrong. It shocks me that we are not busy thinking of our own piles and piles of sins and begging Allah to protect us from a disgraceful and humiliating end Subhanallah. That we do not take that moment to make dua for them and for ourselves and our loved ones. Guaranteed Jannah much?!

Not for me at least. I realize how weak, flawed, and vulnerable I am. I realize that I am never better than the next person. I have no guarantee nor confidence except in the mercy of Allah Subhanahu Wataala.

Shahr bin Hawshab said: “I said to Umm Salamah: ‘O Mother of the Believers! What was the supplication that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said most frequently when he was with you?” She said: ‘The supplication he said most frequently was: “O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion (Yā Muqallibal-qulūb, thabbit qalbī `alā dīnik).’” She said: ‘So I said: “O Messenger of Allah, why do you supplicate so frequently: ‘O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion.’ He said: ‘O Umm Salamah! Verily, there is no human being except that his heart is between Two Fingers of the Fingers of Allah, so whomsoever He wills He makes steadfast, and whomever He wills He causes to deviate.’” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 3522)

So here I am…asking you to join me in asking Allah Subhanahu Wataala for His protection and guidance.

Ya Allah, please forgive us; both our private and public sins. Ya Rahman, have mercy on us. Grant us Your love and allows us to die upon firm faith. Please grant us good companions who will always remind us when we err and who will pray for us even after our death. We beg you Ya Allah, please conceal our shortcomings and guide us upon the truth. Grant us sincerity in all our actions and purify our souls.

Ya Muhaymin, be our Guardian and protect us from misguidance and humiliation. Protect us from the fitna of our times. Strengthen our imaan and make us among your most beloved servants.

Ya Al Haadi, when you see us deviating and going the wrong path, please bring us back to you in a beautiful way. Please bring us back to you in a beautiful manner. Please bring us back to you in a beautiful manner and allow us to die in a beautiful manner as well, ameen.

Here are some more duas from the sunnah and pious predecessors:


رَبَّنَا لاَ تُزِغْ قُلُوبَنَا بَعْدَ إِذْ هَدَيْتَنَا وَهَبْ لَنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحْمَةً إِنَّكَ أَنتَ الْوَهَّابُ

“Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestower”.

اللهُمَّ أَصْلِحْ لِي دِينِي الَّذِي هُوَ عِصْمَةُ أَمْرِي، وَأَصْلِحْ لِي دُنْيَايَ الَّتِي فِيهَا مَعَاشِي، وَأَصْلِحْ لِي آخِرَتِي الَّتِي فِيهَا مَعَادِي، وَاجْعَلِ الْحَيَاةَ زِيَادَةً لِي فِي كُلِّ خَيْرٍ، وَاجْعَلِ الْمَوْتَ رَاحَةً لِي مِنْ كُلِّ شَرٍّ

“Oh Allah, rectify for me my religion which is the safeguard of my affairs, and rectify for me the affairs of this world wherein is my sustenance, and rectify for me my Hereafter to which is my return, and make life for me an increase for every good, and make death a relief for me from every evil.”

اللهُمَّ اهْدِنِي وَسَدِّدْنِي

“Oh Allah! Guide me and set me on the straight path.”

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلَى دِينِكَ‏‏

“Oh Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion.”

اللّٰهُمَّ مُصَرِّفَ القُلُوبِ صَرِّفْ قُلُوبَنَا عَلَى طَاعَتِكَ

“Oh Allah! Controller of the hearts, direct our hearts to Your obedience.”

للَّهُمَّ اقْسِمْ لَنَا مِنْ خَشْيَتِكَ مَا تَحُولُ بِهِ بَيْنَنَا وَبَيْنَ مَعَاصِيكَ، وَمِنْ طَاعَتِكَ مَا تُبَلِّغُنَا بِهِ جَنَّتَكَ، وَمِنَ الْيَقِينِ مَا تُهَوِّنُ بِهِ عَلَيْنَا مَصَائِبَ الدُّنْيَا، اللَّهُمَّ مَتِّعْنَا بِأَسْمَاعِنَا، وَأَبْصَارِنَا، وَقُوَّاتِنَا مَا أَحْيَيْتَنَا، وَاجْعَلْهُ الْوَارِثَ مِنَّا، وَاجْعَلْ ثَأْرَنَا عَلَى مَنْ ظَلَمَنَا، وَانْصُرْنَا عَلَى مَنْ عَادَانَا، وَلَا تَجْعَلْ مُصِيبَتَنَا فِي دِينِنَا، وَلَا تَجْعَلِ الدُّنْيَا أَكْبَرَ هَمِّنَا، وَلَا مَبْلَغَ عِلْمِنَا، وَلَا تُسَلِّطْ عَلَيْنَا مَنْ لَا يَرْحَمُنَا

“Oh Allah, apportion to us such fear as should serve as a barrier between us and acts of disobedience; and such obedience as will take us to Your Jannah; and such as will make easy for us to bear in the calamities of this world. O Allah! let us enjoy our hearing, our sight and our power as long as You keep us alive and make our heirs from our own offspring, and make our revenge restricted to those who oppress us, and support us against those who are hostile to us, Let no misfortune afflict our Deen; let not worldly affairs be our principal concern, or the ultimate limit of our knowledge, and let not those rule over us who do not show mercy to us.”

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الثَّبَاتَ فِي الْأَمْرِ، وَالْعَزِيمَةَ عَلَى الرُّشْدِ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مُوجِبَاتِ رَحْمَتِكَ، وَعَزَائِمَ مَغْفِرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ شُكْرَ نِعْمَتِكَ، وَحُسْنَ عِبَادَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ قَلْبَاً سَلِيمَاً، وَلِسَانَاً صَادِقَاً، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ خَيْرِ مَا تَعْلَمُ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا تَعْلَمُ، وَأَسْتَغْفِرُكَ لِمَا تَعْلَمُ، إِنَّكَ أنْتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوبِ

“Oh Allah verily I ask of You for steadfastness and consistency in all my affairs; and I ask You for the resolve to adhere to the path of guidance. And I ask of You for that which obligates Your mercy and resolutions for Your forgiveness. And I ask of You for the capability to be thankful for Your blessings and to worship you in a correct and good way. And I ask of You for a heart which is purified in belief and free from desires and a truthful tongue. And ask of You for the best of what You know, and I seek refuge with You from the evil of what You know and I seek forgiveness for that which You know. Indeed You are the One who knows the unseen.”

اللهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ إِيمَانًا لاَ يَرْتَدُّ، وَنَعِيمًا لاَ يَنْفَدُ، وَمُرَافَقَةَ مُحَمَّدٍ صَلى الله عَلَيه وسَلم فِي أَعْلَى جَنَّةِ الْخُلْدِ

“Oh Allah! I ask you for Iman that does not retrogress, bounties that do not deplete and the companionship of Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) in the highest levels of the eternal Jannah.”

اَللّٰهُمَّ اَرِنَا الْحَقَّ حَقًّا وَّ ارْزُقْنَا اتِّبَاعَهٗوَ اَرِنَا الْبَاطِلَ بَاطِلًا وَّ ارْزُقْنَا اجْتِنَابَه

“Oh Allah! Enable us to see the Truth as Truth and give us the ability to follow it. And show us the falsehood as false and give us the ability to refrain from it.”

Other duas from the pious predecessors:

“Oh Allah, do not make a lesson out of me for others, and do not let there be anyone who benefits more than me from what You have taught me.” By: AlMutarrif ibn ‘Abdullah

“Oh Allah, veil us with your beautiful veil and place beneath that veil what will please You from us.” By: Sufyan ibn ‘Uyaynah

And I am going to end this piece with a beautiful dua taught by Abdullah ibn Mas’ud:

“Oh Allah, Originator of the heavens and earth, Knower of the seen and unseen, I testify in this worldly life of mine that if You leave me to myself, by that You are bringing me closer to harm and distancing me from good. I have no confidence except in Your mercy, so let that be a covenant that you deliver to me on the Day of Judgment-for You never break promises.”

***

Till next time in shaa Allah, stay blessed!

If interested in hearing the story of Barsisa, please watch the video here

Also, please subscribe and stay tuned for Part 3: ‘Turning Fears into Duas: Losing of Loved Ones.’

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TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 1)

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Introduction

The only fear a Muslim should have is the fear of Allah i.e. taqwa (God-consciousness). The fear of falling into sin and earning punishment from Allah. The fear of acquiring His wrath. The fear of becoming unworthy of His love and mercy. Yet we are expected to have a healthy balance between that fear and hope in Allah.

Allah Subhanahu Wataala said:

إِنَّهُمْ كَانُوا يُسَارِعُونَ فِي الْخَيْرَاتِ وَيَدْعُونَنَا رَغَبًا وَرَهَبًا ۖ وَكَانُوا لَنَا خَاشِعِينَ

“Verily, they would hasten to good deeds and supplicate to Us in hope and fear, and they were humbly submissive to Us.” (Surah Al-Anbiya 21:90)

And our prophet peace be upon him said:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْلَمْتُ وَجْهِي إِلَيْكَ وَفَوَّضْتُ أَمْرِي إِلَيْكَ وَأَلْجَأْتُ ظَهْرِي إِلَيْكَ رَغْبَةً وَرَهْبَةً إِلَيْكَ

“O Allah, I submit my face to you and entrust my affair to you. I commit myself to you out of hope and fear of you.” (Sahih Muslim 2710)

The Muslim has hope in Allah; that He will forgive him and have mercy on him. He has good expectations of his Lord for the good deeds he does in this life. Yet the fear is to motivate him to stay away from sin and to repent often. It makes us mindful of our deeds and our relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wataala.

“The heart on its path to Allah the Almighty is like a bird, where love is its head, and fear and hope are its wings.”

(Ibn Al Qayyim)

I once had this conversation with a good friend who sent me a clip by sister Yasmin Mogahed. She was talking about converting our fears into duas in an amazing way I hadn’t really thought about. Of course, we make dua all the time, and sometimes we mention our fears in it, but it is not really an intentional effort but rather a subconscious one. The importance of understanding what we’re asking from Allah is so that one is not simply chorusing the memorized duas, but rather, customizing those duas to be specific to one’s deepest fears and talking to Allah about them. It is having a deep conversation like He is your dearest friend; you open up, you become vulnerable, and you show your weakness and shortcomings as a Human being. Then you ask Him to save you, to protect you from all those matters that bring fear to your heart.

As we begin this series on ‘Turning Fears into Duas’, I would love to end the introduction with an amazing dua by a pious predecessor by the name Habiba Al-‘Adawiyah as stated in the remarkable book ‘Prayers of the Pious’ by Sheikh Omar Suleiman. This wonderful woman had a custom that towards the middle of the night, she would head to the rooftop and would call out to Allah with these wonderful words:

“O Allah, the stars have vanished, the eyes have slept, the kings have locked their doors, and Your door remains open. Every lover has found privacy with their beloved, and here I am standing before You.”

Here we are…our dua begins…

***

Ramadhan Mubarak dear reader. May Allah Subhanahu Wataala accept you among His most beloved servants, ameen!

Please subscribe (at the bottom of the page) to receive direct notifications on this series (and others). Stay tuned for Part 2: ‘Turning Fears into Duas: Misguidance, Humiliation and Death Upon Them.’

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THE LIFE CHANGER (part 3)

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By: Naima Baghozi

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#7
After visiting their daughter, the parents took Dasi and went back home. They entered their house with real excitement, anticipating the return of their daughter the next day.

Along the way they bought some fruits and whatever they required for the great welcome of their daughter. They could hardly sleep that night with excitement. Very early the following morning they all set out to collect Sahira from the hospital. Upon arrival, she too was so ready waiting for them. All her medicines were packed in a plastic bag while her little belongings were already in her red duffel bag.

After the farewell to the doctor and nurses, they were off on their way home. Sahira couldn’t wait to get home for she had really missed it; however she wondered how she would climb that little flight of stairs. She had quite a surprise when their car stopped at a little rump next to the stairs. Her eyes moistened a bit and knew that her family had really been at work and that the changes she was undergoing, they were too.

Her father helped her out of the car and helped to wheel her over the rump and straight into the house they entered. She immediately noticed all the changes that had been made for her and realized how much love they shared as a family. Her bedroom was the best and of course, this was solely her mother’s work. She was so grateful to both her parents and to her brother for the comforts they have provided her.
The changes were tough for the whole family and it took them a little time to get used to their new lifestyle. But getting used they did and they tried their best to be as comfortable and happy as could be.

Sahira took her medicines without any fail and was taken for her physiotherapy twice a week as per the doctor’s instructions. She did without any fail as she was really determined to get well and be able to walk by herself again.
Days turned to weeks then into months until after six months or so the doctor called her parents again to have a discussion with them. So, the parents came into the hospital and went straight to the doctor’s office where they found him with the physiotherapist awaiting them.

After greetings and after being seated, the doctor looked at them, smiling and said:
“The reason for my calling you in today is to give you good news, that Sahira is now ready for the operation.”
“Oh really doctor?”
“Yes maam, she is very ready. The therapy which we were doing was very successful and to be honest, your daughter’s determination was what really made it possible for the operation to be done now,” the physiotherapy replied.
“So when do you plan to do the operation?” the father asked.
“In two days time God willing. So I will need you to bring her in tomorrow evening. She needs to sleep here so that early the following morning we can prep her as we intend to operate on her very early indeed.”

The parents agreed on that and stood to go home to explain to their daughter of their arrangements. The next evening, they left their home with excitement but equally nervous. At the hospital, Sahira was taken to her room and her family stayed with her a little while and then about nine o’clock they had to leave but her mother decided to remain with her. Her father and brother would come back early the following morning.

The D-day was finally here and it dawned on the whole family with great expectations. The moment finally came for Sahira to be wheeled to the theatre and the family had a small prayer before she was taken away. The family followed behind, offering Sahira all their support and giving her courage.

All in all, the operation took a little over five hours but to Sahira’s family it was like ages. They had such anxious looks on their faces and her father was pacing up and down in front of the theatre with such a worried look on his face.
Finally, the doors of the theater were flung open and out came the doctor looking very tired. They all rushed to him with question upon question.
“Doctor, how did it go?”
“How is my daughter?”
“Was the operation a success doctor?”
“Please doctor, take us out of this suspense…”
“Okay, okay. Please give me a chance to speak. The operation was quite a success but she is still unconscious. Soon, they will take her to the recovery room but please see her for just a few minutes and please, be very quiet okay?” the doctor said.
“Okay and thank you so much doctor,” they all replied in unison.


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As the doctor walked away, the theater doors were flung open again and out came the nurses rolling the trolley with Sahira on it but still unconscious. They all followed behind to the recovery room where they were politely asked to wait outside first as the nurses props her up on the bed.

After a few minutes the nurses came out and told them to go in but to be very quiet. So they did just that, only too happy just to be near her. Two hours passed before Sahira showed some signs of coming to consciousness. Her mum quickly sent Dasi to call the doctor.

Everything turned out well and after a couple of days she was allowed to go home. Of course the walking by herself would take a little more time. She had to first heal from the operation and then do some special exercises before she could contemplate walking again. It would be slowly at first, like a small child starting to learn how to walk for the first time.

All this she did with such excitement and happiness and in about a month she was as good as new, like her old self again. Her parents and brother were the happiest to see Sahira being her joyous self again and thanked God for letting them see her this way once again.

As for Sahira herself, she couldn’t be more thankful to God for the blessing of being able to walk again and of course to her parents too for being supportive and always being there for her.

Finally she said to them:
“This experience has really been a life changer for me and from now onward, I will certainly look at life in a totally different way. Thank you all so much.”
She hugged them all and they hugged her back in return, with their faces full of joy and laughter.

#THE END


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THE LIFE CHANGER (part 2)

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By: Naima Baghozi

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#4
In the meantime Sahira’s parents were seated in front of the doctor’s table facing him with worried looks on their faces. The doctor looked back at them with solemn look on his face which made the parents worry even more.

Sahira’s father was the first one to ask:
“Doctor, what is wrong with our daughter? Why are you looking like that? You have really got us worried even more now.”
The doctor looked at them silently at first and then started to explain slowly to them, “Well, I wish I had good news to give you but unfortunately it’s not so as per the results of the x-rays…”he paused a bit and Sahira’s mother pleaded,
“Please doctor, don’t keep us hanging anymore – I, for one can’t stand this suspense anymore.”

So the doctor took out the x-rays and placed them on the lighted board and started demonstrating to them while explaining,
“You see, this is Sahira’s spinal cord and right here at the bottom you can see the damage that was caused by the accident – can you see?”
The parents could but only nod their heads upon seeing this as they were too emotional to say anything.
“So because of this damage, Sahira is not going to be able to walk…”
At this point the mother would have literally fallen down, had it not been for her husband’s support. The doctor rushed to help her back to the seat and placed a glass of water in her hand for she had turned quite pale. Sahira’s dad said to her,
“Drink the water in small sips and try to calm down so we can come to terms with this situation,” and then he turned to face the doctor once again and asked him,
“So doctor, do you mean to tell us that our daughter is not going to walk again? She is ever going to be crippled?”
The doctor replied,
“It is not a complete hopeless case, we first need to treat all her cuts, bruises and not forgetting the broken ribs. With her condition, we need to take one step at a time. After we have cured all this then we can start with the situation of her legs and the treatment of her spinal cord. She will also definitely need physiotherapy which luckily we can provide right here at our hospital.”
The parents almost spoke simultaneously with great excitement,
“You mean our daughter will be able to walk again doctor?”
“Well, we have to be optimistic and a lot depends on Sahira herself,” the doctor said.
“What do you mean?” asked the mother.

“First and foremost, while we are curing the wounds, I will have a specialist analyze her for she does not seem to remember a thing about the accident. The fastest she comes to terms with the situation, the better it will be for her. For the clearer her mind is , the better for her for she will have the will to move again.”
The doctor kept quiet for a moment and continued,
“With the physiotherapy and exercises, we will be able to anticipate on the major operation which we will have to do in order for her to walk again God willing.”
The parents looked at each other with hope in their eyes but then…
“An operation?” in a chorus they asked – like they just realized what the doctor had said, for all their ears could hear was that their daughter could walk again.
The doctor said, “Yes, in her case it is very necessary to have an operation if she is to walk again.”
“But is that operation guaranteed for Sahira to walk again?” the father asked.
“There are never hundred percent guarantees in any operations even if it is a minor operation. However, we do what we know is the best way and the rest we leave it to God.”
“Doctor, what do we need to do?” sounding quite desperate.
“Don’t worry too much, Sahira doesn’t need to see either one of you or even her brother looking desperate or worried or even with long faces. You have to try your best to cheer her up,” the doctor calmed him down.

The parents nodded again in acceptance.
“You have to make sure she is as comfortable as you can and she should also eat well. Positivity is a very important aspect around her and she shouldn’t be sad, okay?” the doctor continued to say.
“Okay doctor. We will make sure we follow your instructions as best as we can.”
“Very good then, don’t forget all this is going to be quite a change to her and you all too – even if for a little while.”
“We understand doctor,” the father said.
“Okay, now here is the most important question, who will give her the news? Me or you?” the doctor asked.
The parents were lost for words for a moment then…
“It’s better if we are the ones to tell her,” replied the father.
“Very well, but if you will need any assistance, I will be right here in my office. Ah! Before I forget, she also has to remain here for at least one week to ten days for treatment and observation,” the doctor said.
“We understand doctor and thank you for your advice,” the mother said.

#5
Back in Sahira’s hospital room, she still looked very sad and in deep thoughts….
Dasi called out to her, “Sahira, Sahira…” she seemed to come from quite afar, “Yes, what is it Dasi?” he asked her “What is it? What are you thinking about?”

She replied, “ My mind is still on the poor driver- I am thinking of his family too. What must they be going through now? I just can’t help but think I am the cause of his death for if I hadn’t been stupid enough to stand right in the middle of the road then all this would have been avoidable…”

Dasi looked at his sister with such a disbelief look on his face and then admonished his sister.
“Sahira, will you stop all this nonsense…whether you like it or not, you just have to stop this belief that you are responsible for this man’s death,” he paused a bit then continued, “you mean to tell me that with the kind of speed that man had he wouldn’t have hit another person or something else and end up dying anyway? So, stop kidding yourself here and thinking you are the culprit of this accident…” he ended up with a sigh.

Sahira just decided to look at his brother in complete silence. Thus, when their parents entered the room, they found their two children in tensed silence. Dasi stood up immediately and started shooting questions at his parents.

“Dad, mum, what did the doctor have to say about Sahira’s situation? Will she be alright? Will she be able to walk again? …”
His dad cut him short, “Whoa Dasi, will you calm down a bit and give us a chance of explaining to your sister and you of course of what’s going to happen from now onwards? …”

For the first time since her parents entered the room, Sahira opened her mouth and spoke, “What is going to happen, dad?”

Both the parents came nearer to their daughter and with such compassion on their faces; they calmly related to her what the doctor told them from the beginning to the end. All this time, Sahira’s face was showing different expressions, from horror to dismay, agitation and even from hope to hopelessness. Finally, tears were quietly rolling down her cheeks and she said to her parents in such a flat tone which tore her parent’s hearts.

“I did not realise this nightmare would actually turn into a real life changer for me…” she then slowly closed her eyes and remained silent.
Dasi stood in silence but in quite a shock and wondered what he could do best to help his beloved sister. He knew he had to do something worthwhile in order to help her get through these very difficult days ahead…not only for Sahira but for the entire family.

Really, in a matter of speaking, these difficult days ahead of them will affect each and every one of them one way or another. Their lives will certainly change, their lifestyle from now onward will revolve around Sahira- for the betterment of her well being.

Sahira had no choice but to accept the situation as calmly as possible for she knew right at the bottom of her heart that this is the only solution to her recovery and to her mobility again. So she slowly opened her eyes again and looked at her parents and brother and told them, “I know this is very difficult for you all and probably more to you than to me for you cannot bear seeing me like this…but I accept my situation and I am ready to undergo all treatments just so I can see those beautiful smiles return to your faces. I have faith in God and I feel with his grace everything will be fine.”


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#6
The treatment started with immediate effect and the psychiatrist was brought in too so he could establish the blockage of the accident scene in Sahira’s memory.
Day in, day out, visitors were pouring in the hospital to visit Sahira, from family to friends, to neighbours. On top of that were the many flowers she was getting, one would think it was a princess’s room. At least, this cheered her u and made her take her treatment positively and thus, making her recover even faster. The physiotherapist was happy with her progress and the best came when in the middle of the week, the psychiatrist and she had a breakthrough. Sahira held on to her head and screamed while tears were rolling down her cheeks.

“Doctor, doctor, I can remember…I can remember everything…from beginning to the moment I was hit.” She ended with real heavy sobs and the doctor calmed her down. He let her take it all out for he knew it was for the best. The doctor then sent one of the nurses to call her doctor, who came running.
“Is it true what I heard from the nurse? Sahira has finally recalled what happened to her?” he asked his fellow doctor with real excitement. His colleague was all smiles as he replied,
“Yes doctor, she has finally recalled all that happened but she has a bad headache. I think we should give her some painkillers and let her rest for a while before we continue with anything else, don’t you agree?”
“Yes of course. I completely agree with you.” The nurse was then instructed to do just that. The doctor then left for his office to call and talk to her parents of the latest development. This news made the parents and Dasi overjoyed and thanked God for this wonderful progress.

In the mean time Sahira’s dad and Dasi were busy building a rump for Sahira next to their little staircase so when she comes home from hospital, there won’t be any discomfiture for her in her wheel chair. This way she could wheel herself in and out without difficulty. Her mother was busy arranging her bedroom to make it as comfortable as possible for her. They did not want their daughter to feel useless in anyway and of course they were hoping it will be a temporary situation for them. The accident had really become a life changer, not only to Sahira but to them all as a family and however temporary it may be they have to adapt to it.

Therefore for the time being, they had to clear a number of their furniture and make everything accessible for her when she gets home. Getting home had seemed a far off thing at first but with the full memory recovery of Sahira, the doctor decided it would be best to allow her to go home for he figured with familiar surroundings she would have an even better chance for a quicker recovery.

The following morning, when the family came to visit, the doctor called the parents to his office whilst Dasi went to his sister’s room.
“Please sit down I need to speak with you…”
“Is everything okay doctor?” Dasi’s father asked.
“Ah, yes. Don’t worry. As I told you on the phone yesterday about the return of your daughter’s memory, I am very pleased with the situation and have decided it best to allow her to go home and be in familiar surroundings and faces. With this, she may have a chance of a better and a much quicker recovery.”
“Really doctor? When can we take her home, today?”
“Calm down, calm down…I can only allow her to go tomorrow morning. We have to prepare her properly and counsel her knowing that now her life is a bit changed. Going home in a wheel chair is not the same as on her two legs, am I right?” the doctor said, laughing.
“Of course doctor,” both parents replied.
“So I will give you some medicines for her and you will have to bring her twice a week for her physiotherapy until when we can determine as to the right time to perform the operation.”
“Very well doctor, we understand. Can we now go and see her?”
“Yes of course,” the doctor replied with a smile…

Await for the last piece of Sahira’s story soon…how will be the end of her story?? Stay tuned 😉


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THE LIFE CHANGER (part 1)

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By: Naima Baghozi

Photo Courtesy:https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com

#1

Sahira stood transfixed on the spot like her feet were glued on the road; unable to move a step. The look on her face was a horrified one for her eyes were opened wide and wider with fright. Her mouth formed an O shape and her heartbeats must have sounded even so loud to herself like a drum beat far into the night.
From afar, she seemed to hear her little brother’s voice calling out her name with such fright in his voice.

“Sahira, Sahira get away from the road…” but she just stood transfixed like a frozen statue. The road was a two way path so cars were driving up and down but she was focused on the oncoming car that was driving at such speed that she was unable to move away from the road.

Her poor little brother Dasi was yelling at the top of his voice for her to get out of the way of the fast coming car but she just couldn’t move even an inch. Then without any other single second passing; the car being at a very high speed, neither was the driver able to slow down nor to step on the brakes before ‘Bang!’ She was its target.

The next thing, Sahira came to her senses with so many bright lights around and with such worried faces of her parents and Dasi looking down at her where she was lying down. She looked at them with wonder as to why they were looking at her in that way or where exactly was she? The only thing she was feeling was pain all over her body like she was on needles. Her head…yes, her head…it felt so heavy that she couldn’t lift it. So she decided to ask her mum where she was and why was she feeling so much pain.

Her mum was literally in tears,
“My dear Sahira, don’t you remember anything? Just remain calm. You had an accident yesterday morning and you have been unconscious since then. You even had an emergency operation. Oh! We have been so worried about you dear!”
“But how did the accident happen?” She asked, puzzled.
“Sahira, it would be better if you ask your brother since he was there and saw it.”
So she turned her face towards Dasi and right away asked him,
“Dasi please tell me, what happened as I can’t remember anything.” And strangely enough, she couldn’t remember anything at all. As much as she tried to remember her head kept hurting her even more. She continued,
“Please tell me Dasi,” with tears in her eyes and slowly streaming down her face as she felt helpless and she felt she couldn’t move at all!

#2
Dasi looked at her with such hurtful eyes that it tugged at her heart and then slowly, he started narrating to her what really had happened.
“My dear sister…”he started as he held her hand tightly, “Yesterday, you and I were going to the shops…upon reaching the main road, you decided to just cross without checking the movements of cars. When you were in the middle of the road, you suddenly saw a fast coming car coming towards you and I don’t know what happened to you for you stood still and didn’t move at all. I kept calling at you so that you may move aside but you seemed not to hear me at all…don’t you remember any of this?”

Sahira looked strangely at her brother and just shook her head from side to side. She felt useless even to herself and she tried to sit up when…
“My legs, I can’t feel my legs…” she cried out breathlessly, “Mum, dad, I can’t feel my legs. Where are my legs?” she kept crying on and on and she was feeling agitated. Her parents tried to calm her down and Dasi ran out to call the nurses and doctors. In a little while, in came the doctor followed by a couple of nurses and seeing how the situation was, the doctor immediately took charge. He gave instructions to the nurses to immediately give her a sedative so that she may calm down and sleep for a while.

The nurses did just that and it wasn’t long before she gave herself up to the strength of the sedative and she was in deep sleep. In the mean time, Dasi and their parents were so concerned and worried about their situation and started firing questions at the doctor almost simultaneously on why she couldn’t feel her legs nor move them. The doctor answered them,
“Please, calm down and let me do some further tests and take x-rays to see what is causing this.”

Dasi felt so sad for his sister as they were very close since they were only two siblings and he always looked up to her and loved her very much. He just hoped and prayed to God that she will be alright and up and about very soon.
First thing early next morning, the doctor instructed the nurses to do the necessary tests plus the x-rays. All this was done with quite an emergency so that the results can come out with immediate effect and the doctor could determine as to the cause of Sahira not being able to move her legs.


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#3
Apart from the immobility of her legs, Sahira also got cuts and bruises literally all over her body-thus she also had stitches here and there including a couple of broken ribs and that is why she had all these pains all over her body. She was groaning from every movement she tried to make. Looking at her one could just see bandages all over her…

She continued so much to try recalling exactly what really happened to her or how but to no avail. It was so frustrating to her and it kept on hurting her head even more than ever. She was so determined to know it all, that she decided to ask her brother once again in private.

Since her case was an emergency, all the tests and x-rays were speed-fasted so that by mid morning the results were ready for the doctor’s viewing. The doctor came into Sahira’s room and requested her parents to follow him into his office. The parents stood up in silence and followed the doctor.

At this point, Dasi decided that he too, would follow his parents so he could know exactly what’s happening to his sister. However, Sahira stopped him on his tracks as she had her own ideas and that was to ask her brother of all the details of the accident.

“Dasi, please wait, don’t go and leave me alone. Please stay with me,” she said. Dasi then returned to his seat next to his sister’s bed. He looked again at his sister with such sympathy in his eyes and started to explain as she had requested.
“Basically, it is as I had told you before. There is nothing more to add other than that the driver of the car tried very hard to swerve away from you but it was too late.”
“So then, what happened to the driver?” she asked him.
“Well…”and he stopped.
“Why are you not saying anything Dasi? What happened? Please do tell me. I really need to know,” she pleaded with her brother. Dasi decided it’s best to tell her the truth or she would keep on asking until it would irritate him. After all, he knew his sister. She normally doesn’t stop until she gets what she wants. So he cleared his throat and continued with the explanation.

“You see, as I told you the driver tried very hard to swerve so he wouldn’t hit you and even hooted a lot but you were just like a stone; completely out of it. You were like a deaf person not hearing anything at that time. However, when he couldn’t stop, he just knocked you and you went up like a flying saucer and came down with a real bang. You started rolling down the road, as you know, if you can remember the road was not flat leveled. The poor driver with his swerve went and hit a side tree and then his car kept on rolling and when it came to a stop…it just burst into flames and nothing of it was left including the poor driver. That was the end of him and nothing could be done at that point to save him…”

It is only imaginable that at this point, Sahira was sobbing hysterically and she felt more miserable for she felt she was responsible for this poor man’s death. Dasi tried to calm her down.
“But how can I calm down Dasi, when you know very well I am the cause of this man’s death?” she said.
“That’s not true; you know that it is not true…” Dasi replied.
“It is true, it is my fault and you know it,” she kept insisting.
“Stop blaming yourself for this, if he was not driving at that speed none of this could have happened. This is his own fault,” Dasi kept on convincing her. He then continued,
“Okay, I do sympathize with what happened to him but you can’t blame yourself for what happened to him. Now look at your condition, whom are you going to blame for it? Were it not for his careless fast driving, you would not be in the hospital right now.”
“Dasi stop blaming the poor man, he is dead you know-may his soul rest in peace. The fault is mine that I am in hospital right now, so stop justifying the situation and claiming I am not at fault here,” she intervened. Dasi kept quiet at this point deep in thoughts of his own and she, deep in her own…

How does Sahira accept her new situation? Will she get her memory back?And will she be able to move once again? That, in the next piece coming soon in shaa Allah 🙂


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THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS??

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By: Naima Baghozi

Photo Courtesy: https://pixabay.com

Looking out of my window across the lushly green field that is across my house, all I can see are these beautiful colours of blues, reds, yellows, whites, purples and much more wonderful colours. I wonder to myself what these colours that are so beautiful and pleasing to my eyes are. They can only be flowers in different colours. Thus, each morning the first thing I do, would be to rush to my window so I can look at this beautiful scene that is so pleasing to my eyes.

I am not one for going out much but one day my curiosity got the better of me and I decided I would like to go across the field. This was also going to be my chance to get a closer look at all those beautiful different coloured flowers and maybe get to smell their sweet scent.

On this particular day, I set out and trudged on to the field with my crutches, with great excitement. As I neared the field, guess what met me if not shock of shocks! All those beautiful colours that I thought were flowers turned out to be plastic bags and rugs and all kind of litter and garbage that people dumped on the field. The scent I expected turned out to be a stench which I could not but hold my nose tight!

It really broke my heart and I felt so disappointed for the sight that caught me. I just turned around slowly, heavy hearted and walked back to my house wondering ‘IS THIS THE ENVIRONMENT WE WANT???’

Well, this could act as a good food for thought for everyone. Until when will we live in the kind of environment we are living in?!

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THE SELFISH GIRL (Part 2)

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By: Naima Baghozi

You can read part 1 here: https://lubnah.me.ke/the-selfish-girl-part-1/

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and a huge painful lump clogged in my throat wondering if Kela did even have any meal at all. I felt so sad for her and such strong feelings of pity filled the whole of me and for the first time in my life I lifted my face up to the sky and thanked God so much for the privileges that I had, which those people living down that hill never had. I vowed there and then to help this girl in what ever means I can.

Now, everything fell right in place in explanation to her misery and to her attitude in general. One thing impressed me though about her and which made me wonder “how does she manage to come to school so clean every day?!”
I looked down once more and then dragged my feet home like in slow motion, my heart feeling so heavy in sadness…

Due to all this, I was of course a bit late getting home and especially since the distance wasn’t short either. As I got up to the gate of my home, my mom was at the door with a worried frown on her face and as soon as I got to her, she asked me:
“Malu, where have you been? I have been so worried and after seeing all your friends pass by without you…”

She suddenly stopped, realizing she wasn’t getting any reply from me. She then also noticed the look on my face which tugged at her heart. Not knowing what was wrong with me, she just gently took my arm and slowly pulled me inside and took me straight to the sitting room and sat me down. She then took my face in her gentle hands and peered into my face and asked so quietly:

“Malu, my daughter tell me what has happened to you, you look so sad, what happened to you? Please don’t keep me in suspense, you are really worrying me…”

I kept silent for a little while and then slowly raised my face and looked at my mother and started slowly relating to her as to what happened…

“Mom, do you remember about that new girl in my school I told you about?” My mother just nodded, so I continued to tell my mom all that happened from day one to this moment of where I came from. My mother didn’t even realize that there were tears rolling down her face, you see my mom was a very kind person and everyone knew it and that is where I got my kindness too, from my mother.

“So, you see mom, I have decided to be extra kind to Kela from now onwards and I will urge my friends to do the same” I ended.

My mom said “That is very good my dear, you see it is always good to be kind to others in order to have a better life, isn’t it?”

“Yes mom, it is and that is what you always teach me,” I replied.

My mom just smiled and for a few minutes we just sat in peaceful silence, then suddenly I jumped up with excitement and said to my mom:“Mom, what do you think if from tomorrow onwards when I pack my break time snacks, I pack for Kela too? This way if she doesn’t have any food at home then she will at least have something in her stomach, even if a little bit…”

My mom looked at me with a smile on her face and thought to herself: “How lucky I am to have such a kind-hearted daughter. Thank God.” She then said to me:“Of course Malu, you can, that is the most wonderful thing to do.”

“Oh! Thanks a lot mom,” then I suddenly looked down at my fidgeting feet and the look of excitement and happiness was gone. This made my mom wonder what was wrong with me now. She knew when I did this I had something else on my mind.

“Malu, what’s wrong? Tell me, what is in that beautiful head of yours now?”

I hesitated slightly. My mom urged on: “Go on, tell me now; I am just your mom after all…” this made me smile a bit and said to her: “I was wondering mom, since I have lots of clothes and shoes maybe I could give to Kela the ones I don’t use anymore – they are still in good condition and just sitting in my cupboard, what do you say mom? Please, please – pretty please mom…” and at this, my mom laughed outright.

“Okay dear, you have my permission.” Replied my mom. I couldn’t contain my happiness so I jumped over my mom and hugged and kissed her over and over again saying “ you are the most wonderful, best mom in the whole wide world and I am ever so lucky to have you, May God bless you and preserve you for us.” My mom couldn’t contain her laughs now and said to me:

“Well, I don’t know about that my daughter but I certainly know that I am the one who is lucky to have you” and with that I hugged my mom once more and ran off to my room leaving my mom with a big smile wondering where I got all this energy.

I was so happy that it felt like walking on air. I rushed to my closet and took one box out and started to neatly place the clothes I didn’t need together with a couple pairs of shoes. I then remembered that Kela always carried her books in her arms so decided to add in a school bag since I had extra bags and finally closed the box with a happy sigh.

That night I could hardly sleep from excitement in knowing that I may make some one happy tomorrow and started planning on the best way of presenting these things to Kela, after tossing and turning I finally dropped off to sleep with a big smile on my face.

It looked like it would be a beautiful day, the sun shone nicely and the breeze was cool.

I could hardly take breakfast from excitement. I finally left my house with my school bag on my shoulder and the box on my head, I met up with my friends outside my gate and they looked curiously at me and asked me almost simultaneously:

“Malu, what is in the box?”
“What are you carrying to school today?”
“Please Malu don’t keep us in suspense, do tell….
“Well, quiet down and give me a chance to explain, my friends” I said, laughing.
“Do you remember yesterday after school I told you to go on and that I will catch up with you?”
“Yes we do” replied her friends.

“Well, this is what happened…” so I went on to explain to my friends where exactly I went and what I saw and even how sad I became. As to be expected by this time all my friends’ eyes were brimming with tears and one of them said: “Poor Kela…” “Yes” the others replied in unison.

So, I continued: “Well, my friends, after that I have decided from now onwards I will be bringing Kela break time snacks and in this box are my clothes and shoes which I don’t use any more and I also put in one of my school bag for her, as you all know she is always carrying her school things in her hands. I hope she will like them and even in a small way feel special…”

“Of course she will, your things are always the best Malu,” said one of her friends.

While my friends were listening to me, they all seemed to look at me with wonder and each one of them decided in their own way to be kind and generous to Kela from then and thanked God for their being privileged.

They also now understood Kela fully; her refusal to share came from her poverty and not having much even for her self leave alone to share. She led such a tough life thus had no time to make friends or get attached to anyone. Her rudeness came from being so unprivileged thus didn’t know how to be friendly or polite, she didn’t even have the strength to smile!

All these realizations made the girls feel pretty awful and felt they had misjudged Kela very badly, so I made all my friends promise to be extra nice and kind to Kela and give her a chance to learn how to be friendly and polite. They all agreed to include her in their group as one of their friend. With this in their minds they happily ended their journey to school.

They all agreed to let me go look for Kela alone so as she may not be embarrassed in being given all these things probably for the first time.

As always Kela was in class all alone sitting at her desk while the other students were out playing in the school compound as it was before class time.

I walked slowly towards her and very cautiously pulled my chair next to her and said “Hello Kela…’
The other girl looked at me strangely then looked at the box which I had placed on my desk and then asked “What is this you have put on my desk? And why?”
Slowly I took Kela’s hand and started by telling her “Kela, I now know everything and so do my friends and we would really like to help you and be friends with you, please accept us!”

Kela looked confused and at first really didn’t know what to say – you see Kela is not used to such kindness nor know how to deal with it – she just asked me: “what do you mean?”

I continued to hold her hand and started explaining to her how I followed her to her home and what I saw and also how I was touched and then told her what was in the box and requested her to accept it. I then took out of my bag the snack I had packed for her and gave it to her and told her that I will everyday be bringing her a break time snack.

By this time Kela was so lost for words for I guess she had never come across anyone like me. She covered her face with both her hands and started sobbing so hard that I got so confused and wondered what wrong I had done.

I hugged my new friend and asked her “What is wrong Kela? Have I offended you? Please tell me, I just want to be your friend and I want you to be happy.” Kela looked up and in between sobs said “But I am and I don’t really know how to thank you, you are the most kind-hearted person I have ever met and may God reward you always my friend” and then she in return hugged me in a way to show me the gratitude she felt.

All this time my friends were hovering by the door full of curiosity and finally asked if it was safe to come in, I just waved them in with a huge smile on my face. They all rushed in and came over and hugged Kela and promised her they will always be there for her and her needs.

It was certainly the very best and happiest day for all the girls and most especially for Kela.

That evening Kela carried her beautiful new belongings home with a light step in her walk and feeling like a very heavy load had been removed from her chest.

Meanwhile I was the happiest person having been able to solve the problems surrounding my new friend Kela and felt I had done a very good deed indeed… 🙂

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