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THE STORY BEHIND THE MIRACLE HOUSE

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A few months back, just countable days before Ramadhan, my mum called me excitedly to show me a very moving story of a Pakistani woman in Tanzania being fundraised for. The project attracted so many donors around the globe that the fundraisers (a TV station) could buy a piece of land and build a house for her and her children (one of them is physically challenged). My mum’s first remark was, ‘Look! He does just like what you do! (fundraising projects)’. 

‘Not for houses though!’ I laughed.

‘This is a TV station so they have a wider reach, but maybe one day you will do something like this too.’

‘Maybe…in shaa Allah.’

That became the beginning of our daily following of this exciting show and specifically, this Pakistani woman’s story. My mother would eagerly wait for the next episode so that we’d watch it together. To say it was inspiring is an understatement. Her life was changing COMPLETELY, and for the better; a true miracle was unfolding. As the building process went on, my mother would often reminisce about her younger years when she and my father were entrusted to do such projects to build mosques and wells and even houses alhamdulilah. Little did we know what lay ahead…

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It was just a few days after Eidul Hajj when a friend whom I deeply admire for her dedication to her Qur’an memorization journey, reached out to me about their mud house that was gradually collapsing. All they were asking for was a loan so that they could restore their house. At the time, there were heavy rains all over Kilifi County and the imagination of how anyone could be living in such a condition truly broke my heart. 

I mentioned the situation to someone I know who knows my friend’s neighbourhood, and was shocked! She asked, “You mean there are people living in that house?! I’ve always passed that same route to go to work and the house is in a very, very bad state. I never thought someone could even live in it!”

I felt helpless. And sad. And every time it rained outside my window, my heart ached a bit more. I had never done a project of this magnitude. Sometimes my projects take looong in such a demoralizing way. What if I start something, give them false hope then get stuck halfway? Still unsure of what to do, I decided to put up a post calling out to anyone or any organization to assist the family.

One of the first people to reach out to me was an ex-uni mate, and when he was asking for details about the house, I offered to give him my friend’s mum’s contact. He advised me then that it is best if I took the lead role in the project in order to efficiently manage the situation. I agreed, albeit reluctantly and decided to put up information for the opening of the fundraising. Before I even did that, someone from Twitter responded to my initial post and sent 100k. I was stunned. How?! A total stranger who didn’t even put me through an extended ‘interrogation’ as most donors do (I know I know, the world is full of scammers lol) So people can trust me with this? I got an immediate motivation boost subhanallah.

Right away, I called an architect/contractor to make a sketch of a new brick house. At the time, I knew a brick house would be way more expensive but I was unstoppable 😀 The contractor came the same evening and showed me the cost of just a few materials. It was around 300k. I said, ‘We can do this!’ He said, ‘There is still a lot more. It could get to double.’ 

‘Yeah, but I believe Allah will bring a way. Let’s tawakkal.’

‘My concern is that we don’t know how the fundraising could go. We could demolish the house and start building but then get stuck, leaving the family stranded.’

Excitedly, I said, ‘Yeah I understand but let’s just start. I believe when people start seeing the work taking place, more donors will appear. They’ll be motivated to finish it.’

Both my parents were seated with me at the time and they both interjected, ‘Kujenga si mchezo (Construction is not that simple)…’ My dad said.

‘Huyu she’s just excited at the moment,’ my mum joined, ‘but let us see. Perhaps the donors will come through when we start the process.’

We wrapped up the brief sitting with the plan to start the demolishing of the house soonest. At the time, another good lady and friend, Dr Kulthum, had collected donations for the family that had totalled 48,980/= alhamdulilah. (May Allah bless her with goodness in both worlds!)

And so it began. The fundraising. The shifting of the family to a rental. The house demolishing and the construction thereafter. The money coming in. Offers to help from every corner. 

Whenever I talked to my friend’s family, I would tell them, ‘So I think this is only what we can do for now.’ But Subhanallah, money kept coming in and coming in. Friends. Family. Mutual friends. Total strangers. Long-term donors from previous projects. 

Every few days I’d tell them, ‘Okay I think you can move into your house after two days’ or ‘Just this one thing remaining and we’ll be done with this project’, ‘We don’t have money to do this right now, maybe you can save for it in the future’ and someone would send me money out of nowhere. In the early stages of the fundraising, there was a short period where the donations slowed down a bit, but subhanallah, once we picked up the pace again, we were unstoppable. At some point, I stopped asking for donations anymore because I didn’t even have to ask. There were three individuals who were very keen on the project and let me know repeatedly that I shouldn’t hesitate to reach out to them in case anything was needed. Three total strangers. Three angels from Allah. Two of them ended up donating over 200k (one of whom was the one who sent the first 100k), and one close to 200k. Then two sisters joined in, sending me money from their family and friends group from time to time also getting to 200k (or over, I can’t even remember anymore 😀 ) Then Artistic Hope Organization offered to do some of the work (Plastering the whole house, plumbing and electrical). Best of all were our consistent donors who despite giving smaller amounts, kept giving and giving from what Allah blessed them with, alhamdulilah!

And I kept thinking Subhanallah, Allah is showing us again and again, ‘Who are you to determine what is enough?’ And I told this to my mum and said, ‘Perhaps our vision is so low compared to what Allah wants to give them. We just want them to have a house, but perhaps Allah wants to give them a dream house. Perhaps they have a secret with Allah or perhaps they have been patient for so long that Allah is finally giving the long-awaited relief.’’ 

And so we kept making changes to our initial plan because we had to consider what can we do better for them (since there was more money). It wasn’t easy of course and the construction team was inconvenienced quite a few times, but alhamdulilah for their patience and dedication.

During the finishing stages, when only about three fundis were still working on site doing the ceiling, I sat with my friend at the front stairs of the newly built house feeling the cool breeze from the ocean.

“I need you to tell me the secret…” 

“Which secret?” She laughed.

“Which secret do you have with Allah? Because I’ve NEVER done a fundraising like this, and I’ve been doing fundraisings for almost a decade now. Never …Subhanallah. This is the FIRST TIME EVER that I don’t literally have to beg people to donate. You have seen it yourself! And now,  people are racing to help your family mashallah Allah ybarik. What’s the story? Or what dua have you been making so we copy your method?” I laughed.

‘“Aren’t you the one who tells us to have secrets with Allah?” She chuckled, referring to the nasheed I love and frequently share by Mishary Al Afasy (Do you have secrets with Allah).

“Hahaha, okay but this secret you have to tell me. There must be a story behind it; a story that I and everyone who’s donated can benefit from. Because wallahy, this, for me, is a miracle. I’ve never seen this Subhanallah.”

With tears in her eyes, she said Alhamdulilah. Then went on to say, ‘It’s been dua, a lot of dua…’ Then started narrating their story to me.

Around 6 years back, my friend and her family lived on the outskirts of Mombasa town. However, their mother got divorced and because she was a simple housewife, she was unable to sustain the town life. She decided to come back to her father’s home in the remote areas of Kilifi. For them, it was a huge and TOUGH adjustment. From town life, they now moved to an old mud house. No electricity. No water. The bathroom is outside. The bushes became the toilet. As a jilbabi and niqabi, you can imagine the struggle of taking a bath in a space that is only covered with mabati and leso; almost an exposed space (especially since the mabati had holes only covered with nylon). They would share a bed that didn’t even have a mattress. 

“I would walk 45 minutes to the stage every morning to go to university and another 45 every evening. It got so tiring, I started living with a relative in Mombasa. But she was verbally aggressive. And I would be patient until when I’d feel my heart is too tired I can’t take it anymore, is when I would come back to Kilifi and continue commuting daily. Then when I’d get tired of commuting I’d go back to my relative…like that…”

This was a family that was once at the upper middle class- with water in the house, electricity and stability of a home. Their life turned upside down. But their patience was yet to be tested even more.

With each heavy rain, the mud house developed more and more cracks. At the same time, the neighbourhood was gaining some development. Slowly, the neighbours around started building brick houses in place of their mud houses one by one. Then when the government launched the token metres, homes got the token devices for free. So soon enough, the neighbourhood was bright with lights. Except this one house. Because of its dire state, and despite having the token metre, it was a risk for them to connect electricity since the house was clearly collapsing. Eventually, KPLC uninstalled the service line just for the safety of the family.

The neighbours started making fun of them and their house. When my friend would go to the shop she’d hear people joke, ‘Waschana warembo lakini nyumba ya kuanguka’. When their youngest brother would come home from school, his schoolmates would laugh loudly, calling out his name, pointing at the collapsing house and saying, ‘Hii ndio nyumba yenu!’ They were all so humiliated, so ashamed that they’d avoid going to the shops or even outside except when necessary.

Now the neighbours, who were now of a better living standard, used to gather in the evening. The women around would lay down their mikeka to chit chat (spell ‘gossip’) and because my friend and her mother were against such behaviour and wouldn’t join them, they became even more secluded. The neighbours barely ever had a good word for them, instead, they were the ones mocking and humiliating them at every opportunity. And as known in Swahili culture, they would ‘walisha vijembe’ by blasting out taarab music with insults, clearly directed at them.

“Si siri wajulikana wewe

Hauna sifa za kike wewe

Una nongwa we jeuri wewe

Mambo nare nare

Niko nae mimi sare

Usilete hare hare

Utakuja kufa bure….

Nnavokujua sio mwanamke wewe

Unajitwaza si mwanamke wewe

Unachechemesha si mwanamke wewe

Umejiangusha cheo kujishusha

Sasa unapasha mpasha upashike

Heshima uweke

Heshima uweke…

Wakati wa mwengine huu

Si wakati wako huu

Wakati wa mwengine huu

Si wakati wako huu

Mambo nare nare du

Umewekwa kando du

Unachekwa sasa du

Unachekwa sasa du…”

(Rough lyrics)

At the time, it was raining heavily outside, the house is leaking all over…mother and daughter are hiding in their collapsing house; humiliated and heartbroken; calling out to Allah…during the best ten days of Dhulhijjah. Crying to Him out of helplessness and pain.

“I always wanted to be the one to build this house for my mother,” my friend said. “I had a part-time job and was trying to save slowly so that we could renovate the house. But life was so tough, especially as the firstborn..it was always hand to mouth. Then corona happened and I lost my job. That dream faded. I felt so helpless. So I returned to Allah and begged Him that I cannot do this myself, only He can…and I prayed that He brings me a halal and kheyr means for this house to be built. I prayed so much during Arafah as well. But since we came here, we’ve always been praying for relief. Then I contacted you after Eid asking for help and what happened happened…”

Goosebumps. Literal goosebumps. Tears in her eyes. Tears in my eyes as I write this. Subhanallah. Subhanallah. Look at Allah’s Power. His kindness. His mercy. How He can change one’s condition JUST.LIKE.THAT!!! How He responds to duas. How He rewards for patience. How He hears how others are mistreating you and will grant you comfort. Indeed, with hardship comes ease, ALLAHU AKBAR!

Now, from the very beginning of the project, we really desired that the family gets electricity in the house. However, we kept getting obstacles until finally, we opted for M-solar (lipa mdogo mdogo solar program) alhamdulilah.

So on Thursday evening, the family officially moved into their house. And as they were settling in, there happened a blackout in the entire town. Literally! There was darkness at every corner of the town except ONE HOUSE. Only this one house that was always being mocked. Only this one house that was always looked down upon. Only this one house that was once the symbol of extreme poverty. Subhanallah! And so while the whole town drowned in darkness, Allah illuminated His light on just this one house. Coincidence? Could never be! Here was Allah, showing the people His Might and Power to change circumstances. A moral lesson they’ll never forget!

And all this is clear proof that Allah’s promise is true when He said: “Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Sabirun (the patient).” [al-Anfal 8:46]

And again: “If anything good happens to you they are grieved; if any misfortune befalls you they rejoice at it. But if you remain steadfast and mindful of Allah their designs will not cause you harm. Allah surely encompasses all that they do.” [Al ‘Imran 3:120]

Now standing very tall, is the only fully-plastered, painted house with solar power in the neighbourhood, Allah ybarik!

This is our good Lord. ALLAHU AKBAR!

Here’s what it’s all about:

A believer’s patience.

The power of dua.

The reward of patience.

The power of Allah.

The justice of Allah.

The miracle of Allah.

The miracle house!

“And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He ˹alone˺ is sufficient for them. Certainly Allah achieves His Will. Allah has already set a destiny for everything.”

[At-Talaq: 2-3]

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Sincere gratitude to EACH AND EVERY ONE of you for being part of this amazing project. Regardless of what amount you donated or whether you shared the posts only, YOU DID THIS! You raised KSHS 1, 018, 093.50. YOU BUILT THIS HOUSE! In just a matter of 41 days, we managed to raise money AND build a 4-bedroom house with a separate bathroom, toilet and kitchen. ALLAHU AKBAR! May Allah bless you and your families with lofty gardens and palaces in Jannat ul Firdaus, ameen!

Special thanks to both our contractor and his construction team and the Artistic Hope Organization team for the amazing work they did to the house. And for their patience throughout the challenges. May Allah bless the work of your hands and raise your status in Jannah.

And to my dearest family and closest friends who gave me so much support, both physically and emotionally throughout this project(my biggest one yet!)  and for being patient with me when I was crying or getting very irritable at every small inconvenience 😀 Alhamdulilah thumma alhamdulilah.

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When I posted the last video update showing the house, I showed it to my parents first. Both of them cried, and they kept replaying the video over and over and over, tears still streaming from their eyes. I wish y’all could have seen how my mother was now excitedly waiting for my daily updates on the construction project more than she was when we were watching that program. But better than all that is that this entire project was mainly under their guidance, alhamdulilah!!

Just a few days before the completion of the project, as I was laying down in bed looking at the house standing, my mother patted my hair and said, “Finally you’ve come into our line (of projects). You’re truly my daughter.” Urgh. My heart. For them to have witnessed and actively guided and supported me throughout this project is a full circle for me. Alhamdulilah! May Allah grant us all sincerity in what we do Ya Rab!

My only request is that when you see any goodness in my very flawed being, please make dua for my 3 parents (one is deceased, Allah yirhamha) to be granted good health and wellness both in this life and the next, and that they enter Jannatul Firdaus without hisab, for they have been my inspiration always and my biggest supporters alhamdulilah!

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Mental Health

LIVING WITH ANXIETY IN A WORLD THAT NEVER PAUSES

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*Generalized Anxiety Disorder: GAD is a long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than 1 specific event. People with GAD feel anxious most days and often struggle to remember the last time they felt relaxed. As soon as 1 anxious thought is resolved, another may appear about a different issue.

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Disclaimer: Despite having had severe anxiety since childhood, it is only now that I have decided to give a deeper and personal account of my experience. This isn’t to acquire any sympathy or pity for I believe Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity, but rather to use this platform to share more information on mental illnesses and hopefully make you, dear reader, be more enlightened about such matters, and to be more understanding, compassionate and empathetic towards people in your own circles that have similar challenges. And also give a chance for those with similar issues to know that they’re not alone and that they’re emotions are valid. Anyway, here goes nothing…

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Living with generalized anxiety, especially since childhood, is an extreme sport. The mind is a wild, wild place; everything escalates from 0 to 100 every.single.time. Even when it shouldn’t be so. Even when you have deep faith in Allah. Even when it is something so small, it is silly to overthink like that. But we still do. There is a fellow who told me a couple of times after reading my blogs that my anxiety is just about my mindset and that I should JUST STOP overthinking and think more positively. Just stop then khalas, you’ll be good to go. And as much as having a positive mindset can reduce your anxiety, it is a bigger struggle than that. Ask anyone who’s ever been diagnosed by a psychiatrist or psychologist with any type of anxiety they’ll tell you that living with such disorders is jihadu-nnafs. Quite literally. It is a continuous battle with yourself and your brain.

Every thing, every encounter, every experience with anyone is catastrophized; always thinking of worst case scenario. Then there’s the excessive worry over the smallest of matters and big ones too. Then there’s the panic attacks that make you feel like you’re about to go crazy or lose it completely. There’s the crying spells which can come to you at any time, out of the blue, and the tears just keep coming and coming-uncontrollable! There’s the excessive fear which controls your life; it makes you always live on edge. Then there’s the obsessive and repetitive thoughts that often overwhelm the mind. There’s also the depression and physical illnesses that sometimes tag along with the anxiety…The list goes on and on…

When I am extremely happy, I keep thinking that something bad is going to follow shortly thereafter. Happiness makes me anxious too. And even when it is someone else who’s extremely happy, I get nervous for them, ‘What if they lose that? What if the happiness doesn’t last long?’ And I quickly make dua for them so that their joy lasts. Then there’s the over-analysis of situations which take you down a dark rabbit hole of overthinking. Every single conversation is scrutinized; ‘Did I say the right thing? Should I have said this instead? Are they mad at me? I felt their tone change, did I hurt them? Perhaps they still misunderstood me? Should I clarify further for the fourth time?’ Every single thing goes so far; blown out of proportion. Worries; worries every day, worries everywhere. 

A simple trip to town could easily bring about death anxiety. I start imagining the car I am in getting into a very tragic accident. But it never ends there. I start imagining the details of the accident, the position they’ll find me in, when my family are informed, when I am declared dead, and when my loved ones start crying because of my departure. And this wild imagination is so real to me that it makes me tear up and I sometimes get a panic attack abruptly. I am grieving my death. 

When I am using a water heater or a toaster, I imagine getting electrocuted. And when a huge lorry or oil tanker passes by close to me, I immediately think of the ‘Final destination’ movies and imagine the lorry falling over me and crashing my bones 😀 When a stranger approaches me on the road, my guard is immediately on because I am afraid I could be conned or kidnapped or worse than that. There’s so so much to anxiety than people ever understand. That I wish they understood.

It wasn’t helpful that I grew up hearing people say mental illness is because of weak imaan. It really made me question my level of faith. Yet to be very honest, anxiety is one of the most draining and exhausting things to experience. It is so hard to fully experience the small and even big joys of life.

In a crazy world like ours where there is too much information everywhere, it is even harder for people with anxiety. You scroll, a mother has stabbed her two year old and ate her internal organs. Scroll further, a pastor has brainwashed an entire village to starve to death so as to meet Jesus. Scroll further, a father has been raping his daughters for years after his wife passed away. Go to another app, Palestinians and Uyghurs are being tortured to death. A war in Sudan; so many people stranded. Something is going on here, something is going on there…it never ends, the world never pauses Subhanallah. The information overload overwhelms you and drains you deeply. It makes you sad and helpless and truly anxious. Even with the knowledge and trust in Allah, even with the understanding that Allah tests us so that we can return to Him, the anxiety is mostly there. Jihadu-nnafs.

Being an educator, a recently graduated psychologist and a spiritual (among other categories) blogger for about ten years, there’s a kind of pedestal that people put you on. You never asked for it but it is constantly being mentioned, ‘You’re my mentor,’ or ‘I look up to you’. They think you’ve made it in life even when the reality is very different. This deeply terrifies me. The imposter syndrome kicks in. ‘But why? I am not the right person to look up to. I have so many flaws. I am really struggling with surrendering 110% to Allah or trusting Allah about the unknown. I always try to control how things roll out in my life, and when they don’t happen my way, it takes me down a very dark hole of heartbreak and pain. I am definitely not the person to even consider as a role model.’ Even when I don’t say these words out loud, it always gets to me. What if someone is misguided through me? Or someone who looks up to me, follows my unsteady footsteps? How will I deal with that when I am standing in front of Allah and He asks me about it? I will never be ready for such questioning by Allah. So I divert the couple of people who look up to me, to instead, look up to the prophets peace be upon them and pious predecessors who died upon imaan and were promised Jannah. And of course, they are indeed the best examples for us to follow and look up to more than anyone else.

There is this hadith that always hits me. It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said:”The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, “if only I had done such and such” rather say “Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa’ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).” For (saying) ‘If’ opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.'”

My older sister whom I look up to is always the kind of person to say ‘Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa’ala whenever something doesn’t go her way. Even if she goes on to grieve but she doesn’t allow it to overweigh her brain. She knows and truly believes that Allah knows best, may Allah bless her soul. And I adore that so much because I wish I was like that too. I wish my brain could stop overthinking. I wish my heart could fully accept the challenges of life. I wish I was able to immediately accept Allah’s qadar without throwing a tantrum or crying on and on about it such that it may lead to despair (May Allah protect us).

The hardest thing for me has been to be kind to myself. To realize and accept that this is my test from Allah, to accept the little good and benefit I bring to this world and people around me and to be more forgiving towards my mistakes in life. And while I have not overcome the anxiety, I am doing my best. I am taking medication, I am reading widely about it (in fact I took the Islamic Psychology degree at IOU because I wanted to understand whether I truly had weak imaan or what exactly was happening to me), I go for therapy, and I constantly pray to Allah to grant my soul peace and tranquility, alleviate my restlessness, overthinking and worries, and to make me among the Mutawakkilin (those who trust in Him) and the people of ‘Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa’ala’.

One of my biggest motivations is a hadith by the prophet peace be upon him. He said, “Allah the Almighty said: I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a cubit, and if he draws near to Me a cubit, I draw near to him a fathom. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.” (Hadith 15, 40 Hadith Qudsi). So I am doing my best to think better of Allah. To not allow my negative thoughts to divert me from Allah’s mightiness, wisdom and mercy. To never think that my plans are better than what Allah has chosen for me. That the tests from Allah are meant to make me get closer to Him rather than to punish me. And perhaps there’s a bigger benefit from this test, and that is, I get to talk more about such topics that are not openly talked about in our community.

Unfortunately, the fellow who used to tell me about changing my mindset developed anxiety during the early phases of Corona. He was unemployed at the time with no source of income. Having such abundant time on his hands while the world went into a panic, overthinking and anxiety of the corona virus kicked in him. He once called me to say that he now realizes it isn’t as simple as he initially thought. That it is much harder, and a huge struggle Subhanallah, and he asked for help on how to deal with it. Alhamdulilah his anxiety ended when things calmed down a bit around the world and after seeing a counsellor. The only reason I tell this story is for people to realize the same; it is not easy to have a mental disorder. Not at all. So please be patient, understanding and compassionate towards your loved ones and people around you, you just never know the huge mountains they carry. Educate yourself about these matters if you have to and offer help whenever you can. Be their support system and be there for them. Yet the best gift you can give them is making dua for their well-being and peace of mind.

We, as Muslims, believe that nothing is impossible to Allah Subhanahu Wataala. He can cure every single ailment and He can move mountains for us. However, we are also expected to do our due diligence by seeking treatment through talk therapy, medication and lifestyle changes. Most importantly is to get closer to Allah through the recitation of the Qur’an, making dhikr and always making dua to Allah to remove such conditions from us and to make us better believers.

Despite all the challenges and struggles of anxiety, it is not always doom and gloom. Anxiety makes people be highly empathetic, loving and compassionate. It makes you have high instincts which can benefit you in observing one’s surroundings, it keeps you motivated and can actually help in your performance nd make you have a great work ethic. It makes one highly aware of what could go wrong, and makes you think of all possibilities while dealing with a situation. This makes the anxious individual to be a careful decision maker and great problem solver among other benefits. Plus the anxiety memes are hilarious, that’s a bonus 😀

To end this piece, there’s a conversation I want to share that I once had with my father and brother while driving to another town. My father told us about an accident he witnessed many years back. An ice cream van was trying to overtake another car, but it lost control and hit a huge tree. When they went to check on the driver, they found the steering wheel had hit right into the driver’s seat. But the driver’s upper body was right above the steering wheel (on the roof of the car) and each of his legs was on either side of the wheel. Had the steering wheel hit him directly, he could have come out with major injuries probably, but Subhanallah, the man came out unscathed except for one small scratch on his arm. 

I asked my dad, ‘Was the man Muslim? Perhaps he had made dhikr that morning and it protected him by Allah’s mercy…’ Before he could answer me, I said, ‘I once heard a sheikh ask something powerful; how can you go to the battlefield unarmed? How can you start your day without dhikr?’ My dad nodded then explained that the driver wasn’t Muslim but at the end of the day, if something isn’t meant to harm you, it won’t, and some people give a lot of charity and for that, Allah showers them with His mercy.

I was about to get to my destination so I couldn’t continue with the conversation. I said to my brother, ‘Please drop me on the other side of the road, I am afraid of crossing this busy road.’ He then laughed and said, ‘Aren’t you the one who’s just from telling us about going to the battlefield unarmed?’ I laughed too and said, ‘I did do my dhikr this morning though.’ Then he said, ‘Then what are you afraid of when you’ve already asked for Allah’s protection?’

I was speechless.

I went out of the car towards my destination while deeply pondering on his last words, SubhanAllah.

‘What are you afraid of when you’ve already asked for Allah’s protection?!’ 

“Say: “Nothing will befall us except what Allah has decreed for us; He is our Protector.” Let the believers, then, put all their trust in Allah.”

 [Qur’an 9:51]

Thank you for reading this to the end. Please do make dua for me to acquire peace of mind and to go for umrah soon for I really yearn for the tranquility made available by Allah Subhanahu Wataala in the holy cities. And do pray for those with mental illnesses. May Allah grant us all ease, relief and comfort, ameen. Shukran 🙂

P.S: If you have anxiety, always remember this: ‘YOUR ANXIETY IS A LIAR!’

REFERENCES:

https://sunnah.com/qudsi40:15

https://sunnah.com/ibnmajah:79

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/generalised-anxiety-disorder/overview/

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Deen (Religion)

LET GO AND LET GOD

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I recently had a conversation with a brilliant relative about anxiety and the dire need to be in control of everything going on around us. That frustrating fight with the unknown and uncertainty. That burning urge to be prepared for anything and everything that comes next. Then she humbly advised me, “Frequently say, ‘Hasbiyallah waneemal wakeel’ i.e. ‘Sufficient for me is Allah, and [He is] the best Disposer of affairs.’ Then she went on and said, ‘But don’t just say it. Mean it. When you say sufficient for me is Allah then that is total submission to Him. It is surrendering to the Almighty; acknowledging His power, acknowledging your own weakness as a human being and acknowledging that whatever Allah has bestowed upon you is truly best for you. He is the best disposer of affairs. Whatever you plan for yourself will always be limited in contrast to what He has in store for you. So be content. Be grateful. Have faith in Him and His plans for you. So live by it. Live by ‘Hasbiyallah waneemal wakeel’.”

In this precise moment, her words struck me. I have heard and said the statement so many times in my life, but did I truly, deeply believe in it’s meaning?!

Despite being a believer in Allah, there have been many times where I questioned His plans for me. Maybe not loudly, maybe not openly, but just that small feeling in the heart like ‘This could have gone better. Should have gone better. What’s the point of this chaos right now?’ It is like saying, ‘I trust that you have my best interests at heart, but I should also have a say in how my life unrolls.’ But that’s just from our ignorance and naivety as human beings; we say we trust that Allah is the best planner, but do we really?!

For a period of over ten years, Allah tested me with the same test thrice, just different versions of it. And I remember many nights in my sajjadah begging Allah to remove me out of those situations. But the test dragged on and on and on. I felt so helpless and I kept saying to Allah, ‘But I have learned the lesson. Please Ya Allah. I have already learned the lesson. Get me out of here. Why am I still here?!!’ Those were such desperate moments for me because sometimes I did believe that so long as Allah was still testing me then there must be a very good reason for it. But sometimes I was just so helpless I kept asking, ‘What’s the point here? Am I being punished or something?’ I didn’t have that yaqeen, that surety, that unshakeable faith that Allah wouldn’t put be through pain just for the sake of it.

Then during one of the last nights of last Ramadhan, I stayed for long crying to Allah to grant me clarity on the matter because I thought I had already learned what I was meant to learn. If there was something more to it, I was not seeing it. I need help to see it. I desperately need clarity. As I finished my crying/dua session I lazily entered into Instagram to distract my mind and wallahy the moment I logged in, there it was- my answer. It was just one video but it led me to another and another and another and lots of reading that made it make all the sense. And subhanallah to date, I still have very random conversations and something is said and is still part of my answer. Like, every single day, Allah is opening my eyes to what I hadn’t realized in over ten years.

Of course it was such a deeply painful experience but the amount of knowledge I learned throughout that period made me take better choices for myself. Made me a better person. A wiser person. In retrospect, I don’t think I would have learned all the lessons that I have if I was listening to someone’s story or reading it from a book. I truly had to go through it all to realize what was expected from me and what I truly needed. Several times I failed to trust in Allah fully and yet He had a plan all along. The journey is obviously not over but I am at the point in my life where I am like, ‘Oh so this is why that happened…’ It wasn’t a punishment. It wasn’t for no reason. He had a good reason for it…

There is a famous quote that I have seen so many times. It goes like, ‘It will keep happening until you learn the lesson.’ Seems pretty straight forward until you are the one in the endless cycle of the ‘seeming’ doom and the depth of it won’t truly make sense until it does.

I have met people with unshakable faith. People who literally live by ‘Hasbiyallah waneemal wakeel’. People who when they don’t get what they want they genuinely say ‘Alhamdulilah’ and when something bad happens to them they say قَدَّرَ اللَّهُ وَمَا شَاءَ فَعَلَ (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).. They don’t ask ‘what ifs’ or say ‘buts’.They don’t fret. They don’t worry unnecessarily. They know that Allah is in control and wholeheartedly leave their affairs to Him. They know FOR SURE that Allah will come through for them regardless of how big a mountain their problems are. They remind me of the hadith: Suhaib reported that Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: “Strange are the ways of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer for if he has an occasion to feel delight, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it.” I love these people. I look up to them. And I pray to be like them someday.

To end this, here’s a hadith to give you comfort about Allah’s mercy upon us.

Abu Razin reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah laughs for the despair of His servant, as He will soon relieve him.” I said, “O Messenger of Allah, does the Lord laugh?” The Prophet said, “Yes.” I said, “We will never be deprived of goodness by a Lord who laughs!” (Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah)

Indeed Allah doesn’t test us in order to make us miserable and unhappy. He doesn’t test us just for the sake of it for He is not a sadist. We may not see it, we may never comprehend it but there is always, ALWAYS a reason for every small and big thing that happens in our lives. We thus should always strive to have unshakeable faith in Him, have good doubt in Him and surrender all our affairs to Him as well. This is a big reminder to myself first before anyone else.

Dear reader, here’s your reminder to lay down your burdens to Him so that He can take care of all your affairs. Let go and let God. Never forget that Allah will never forsake you.

As you and I continue taking this endless journey to Allah, I pray that He grants us that kind of submission to Him and that He makes us among His most beloved ones, ameen.

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TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 6)

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Being denied entry into Jannah

Imagine all the 29/30 days you spent in ibadah during the month of Ramadhan; exerting yourself, never missing taraweh, waking up for tahajjud, staying up in the night, making dua every moment of the day, giving charity and giving and giving…then at the end of it, you are told that your deeds were but a waste. How would you feel? Devastated right?!

Now imagine coming on the day of judgment (not 30 days anymore but rather an entire lifetime this time round) while hopeful because you know you believed, and you were among the worshippers, then Allah Subhanahu Wataala declares you among the dwellers of hellfire. Not because of Allah’s injustice, for our Lord is never unjust, but because of your other bad deeds, you are denied entry into Jannah.

Here are some individuals who will be denied entry into Jannah:

1. One who severs ties of kinship:

Narrated Jubair bin Mut`im: That he heard the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, “The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Paradise.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5984)

2. Whoever disobeys the prophet peace be upon him:

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “All my followers will enter Paradise except those who refuse.” They said, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! Who will refuse?” He said, “Whoever obeys me will enter Paradise, and whoever disobeys me is the one who refuses (to enter it).” (Sahih al-Bukhari 7280)

3. Mistreating those under one’s authority:

Abu Bakr as-Siddiq reported the Prophet as saying, “One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter paradise.” (Mishkat al-Masabih 3358)

4. A ruler who doesn’t serve the Muslims as he should:

It has been narrated on the authority of Abu Malik that Ubaidullah b. Ziyad visited Ma’qil b. Yaser in the latter’s illness. Ma’qil said to him: “I am narrating to you a tradition. If I were not at death’s door, I would not narrate it to you. I heard the Messenger of Allah (may peace he upon him) say: A ruler who, having obtained control over the affairs of the Muslims, does not strive for their betterment and does not serve them sincerely shall not enter Paradise with them.” (Sahih Muslim 142g)

5. Those who do these three acts:

The Prophet peace be upon him said: “No one who reminds others of his favors, no one who is disobedient to his parents and no drunkard, will enter Paradise.” (Sunan an-Nasa’i 5672)

6. Those who are arrogant:

It was narrated that Abdullah said: “The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘No one will enter Paradise who has even a mustard-seed’s weight of arrogance in his heart, and no one will enter Hell who has even a mustard-seed’s weight of faith in his heart.'” (Sunan Ibn Majah 59)

7. Committing shirk:

Narrated `Abdullah: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Anyone who dies worshipping others along with Allah will definitely enter the Fire.” I said, “Anyone who dies worshipping none along with Allah will definitely enter Paradise.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 1238)

8. Those who mistreat their neighbours:

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “By Allah, he is not a believer! By Allah, he is not a believer! By Allah, he is not a believer.” It was asked, “Who is that, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “One whose neighbour does not feel safe from his evil”.

Another narration of Muslim is: Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “He will not enter Jannah whose neighbour is not secure from his wrongful conduct”. (Riyad as-Salihin 305)

9. Those who participate in calumny (the making of false and defamatory statements about someone in order to damage their reputation; slander):

Hudhaifah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “The person who goes about with calumnies will never enter Jannah.” (Riyad as-Salihin 1536)

10. Example of the woman who mistreated her cat:

Narrated `Abdullah bin `Umar: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “A woman was tortured and was put in Hell because of a cat which she had kept locked till it died of hunger.” Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) further said, (Allah knows better) Allah said (to the woman), ‘You neither fed it nor watered when you locked it up, nor did you set it free to eat the vermin of the earth.’ (Sahih al-Bukhari 2365)

11: Example of the man who judged his fellow with regards to his sins:

Narrated AbuHurayrah: I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: There were two men among Banu Isra’il, who were striving for the same goal. One of them would commit sin and the other would strive to do his best in the world. The man who exerted himself in worship continued to see the other in sin.

He would say: Refrain from it. One day he found him in sin and said to him: Refrain from it.

He said: Leave me alone with my Lord. Have you been sent as a watchman over me? He said: I swear by Allah, Allah will not forgive you, nor will he admit you to Paradise. Then their souls were taken back (by Allah), and they met together with the Lord of the worlds.

He (Allah) said to this man who had striven hard in worship; Had you knowledge about Me or had you power over that which I had in My hand? He said to the man who sinned: Go and enter Paradise by My mercy. He said about the other: Take him to Hell.

AbuHurayrah said: By Him in Whose hand my soul is, he spoke a word by which this world and the next world of his were destroyed.” ( Sunan Abi Dawud 4901)

12. One who dies upon bad deeds:

Sahl b. Sa’d reported God’s messenger as saying, “One man does the deeds of those who go to hell but is one of those who go to paradise, and another does the deeds of those who go to paradise but is one of those who go to hell, for judgment is given according to one’s final actions.” (Mishkat al-Masabih 83)

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The scariest thing is that none of us is sure which kind of deaths we’ll have or which of our sins could potentially ruin our chance to enter Jannah. This should make us mindful of our acts of worship and especially how we interact with our fellow human beings (we mostly underestimate the effect of this on our book of deeds), lest we become among the losers and the poor on the day of judgment.

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: Do you know who is poor? They (the Companions of the Holy Prophet) said: A poor man amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth. He (the Holy Prophet) said: The poor of my Umma would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire. (Sahih Muslim 2581)

This is not meant to make us fall into despair with regard to our sins or shortcomings. Indeed no good deed goes done sincerely goes to waste and moreover, none of us will enter Jannah because of our deeds, but rather from Allah’s mercy. And our Lord is the Most Merciful. It is thus important that we constantly strive in getting close to Allah and make dua to Him to make us worthy of His love and mercy.

So we hereby bring those fears to Allah Subhanahu Wataala…

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْجَنَّةَ .اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْجَنَّةَ . اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْجَنَّةَ

“O Allah, I ask You for paradise. O Allah, I ask You for paradise. O Allah, I ask You for paradise.”

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْجَنَّةَ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ النَّارِ

“O Allah, I ask You for paradise and seek Your protection from the fire”


االلَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْجَنَّةَ وَمَا قَرَّبَ إِلَيْهَا مِنْ قَوْلٍ أَوْ عَمَلٍ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ النَّارِ وَمَا قَرَّبَ إِلَيْهَا مِنْ قَوْلٍ أَوْعَمَلٍ وَأَسْأَلُكَ أَنْ تَجْعَلَ كُلَّ قَضَاءٍ قَضَيْتَهُ لِي خَيْرً

“O Allah, I ask You of Paradise and every deed or speech that will be a means of drawing near to it; and I seek refuge in You from the Fire and from every deed or speech that will be a means of drawing near to it; and I ask You that You make whatever You have decreed for me a means of good.”

رَبَّنَآ إِنَّنَآ ءَامَنَّا فَٱغْفِرْ لَنَا ذُنُوبَنَا وَقِنَا عَذَابَ ٱلنَّارِ

“Our Lord! We have believed, so forgive our sins and protect us from the torment of the Fire.”

. رَبِّ هَبْ لِى حُكْمًۭا وَأَلْحِقْنِى بِٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ .وَٱجْعَل لِّى لِسَانَ صِدْقٍۢ فِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ . وَٱجْعَلْنِى مِن وَرَثَةِ جَنَّةِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ .

“My Lord! Grant me wisdom, and join me with the righteous. Bless me with honourable mention among later generations. Make me one of those awarded the Garden of Bliss.”

رَبِّ ابْنِ لِي عِندَكَ بَيْتًا فِي الْجَنَّةِ

“My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise”

للَّهُمَّ اقْسِمْ لَنَا مِنْ خَشْيَتِكَ مَا تَحُولُ بِهِ بَيْنَنَا وَبَيْنَ مَعَاصِيكَ، وَمِنْ طَاعَتِكَ مَا تُبَلِّغُنَا بِهِ جَنَّتَكَ، وَمِنَ الْيَقِينِ مَا تُهَوِّنُ بِهِ عَلَيْنَا مَصَائِبَ الدُّنْيَا، اللَّهُمَّ مَتِّعْنَا بِأَسْمَاعِنَا، وَأَبْصَارِنَا، وَقُوَّاتِنَا مَا أَحْيَيْتَنَا، وَاجْعَلْهُ الْوَارِثَ مِنَّا، وَاجْعَلْ ثَأْرَنَا عَلَى مَنْ ظَلَمَنَا، وَانْصُرْنَا عَلَى مَنْ عَادَانَا، وَلَا تَجْعَلْ مُصِيبَتَنَا فِي دِينِنَا، وَلَا تَجْعَلِ الدُّنْيَا أَكْبَرَ هَمِّنَا، وَلَا مَبْلَغَ عِلْمِنَا، وَلَا تُسَلِّطْ عَلَيْنَا مَنْ لَا يَرْحَمُنَا

“O Allah, apportion to us such fear as should serve as a barrier between us and acts of disobedience; and such obedience as will take us to Your Jannah; and such as will make easy for us to bear in the calamities of this world.

O Allah! let us enjoy our hearing, our sight and our power as long as You keep us alive and make our heirs from our own offspring, and make our revenge restricted to those who oppress us, and support us against those who are hostile to us, Let no misfortune afflict our Deen; let not worldly affairs be our principal concern, or the ultimate limit of our knowledge, and let not those rule over us who do not show mercy to us.”

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ رِضَاكَ وَالجَنَّةَ ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ سَخَطِكَ وَالنَّارِ

“O Allah, I ask of Your pleasure and for Paradise, and I seek refuge from Your displeasure and from the Hellfire.”

رَبَّنَا اصْرِفْ عَنَّا عَذَابَ جَهَنَّمَ ۖ إِنَّ عَذَابَهَا كَانَ غَرَامًا إِنَّهَا سَاءَتْ مُسْتَقَرًّا وَمُقَامًا

“Our Lord! Avert from us the Wrath of Hell, for its Wrath is indeed an affliction grievous,- Evil indeed is it as an abode, and as a place to rest in.”

Ya Allah, don’t make us among the losers-those whose efforts in ibadah are unaccepted and valueless. Ya Allah please rectify our character, our deeds, and our relationships with You and other people.

Ya Allah, please grant us sincerity in all the good deeds that we do, accept them from us, and make us among those who die upon goodness.

Ya Allah, we ask You for Jannah; its pleasures, its companions (including our loved ones Ya Rab), its clothes, its houses, its beauty and to gaze upon your Glorious Face Ya Rab.

Ameen Ya Rabbal alameen!

***

Remember we started this series with the dua of one of the pious predecessors, Habibah al- ‘Adawiyah (may Allah have mercy on her) and we shall end with her other dua as well:

“O Allah! Here goes the night departing and here comes the day brightening, and how I wish to know, have you accepted this night from me so that I may congratulate myself, or have you rejected it from me so that I may extend myself condolences. By Your Might! This is my commitment for as long as you keep me alive. By Your might! Even if You scold me, I will never leave Your door, nor will anything but Your generosity and grace be felt in my heart.”

***

Eid Mubarak good people! May Allah accept our good deeds, elevate our status, answer our duas beautifully, forgive our sins and make us among those who continue doing good even after Ramadhan. May these blessed days be filled with joy, happiness and love, and for our loved ones in the graves, may Allah have mercy on them and make their graves to be from the gardens of Jannah, ameen!

Alhamdulilah, that brings an end to our Ramadhan – Eid series. May it be of benefit to me first, and then to you dear reader. Till the next post biidhnillah. Meanwhile, here’s a small reminder for us:

It was narrated from Abu Ayyub that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Whoever fasts Ramadan then follows it with six days of Shawwal, it is as if he fasted for a lifetime.” (Sunan Ibn Majah 1716)

Fi AmaniLlah! 🙂

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TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 4)

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To read part 3, kindly click here

Broken Homes

The Swahilis have a saying that goes like, ‘Ndoa ni kuingiza mkono gizani’ (Marriage is like putting your hand into darkness (let’s say like a dark hole of sorts). This is to mean that whatever comes after the nikah is done is totally uncertain and unknown. However much you might think you know a person before marriage, this new phase is something totally different. It is unpredictable. It is filled with surprises and sometimes shocks too. And a lot of patience is needed.

Marriage is not a bed of roses just like it isn’t an absolute nightmare. There will always be highs and lows. Yet if you ask anyone who is walking into marriage no one will ever tell you that they intend to get divorced after two or three years. No one wants that for themselves and no one even expects it. We all dream of happy, blissful homes, and despite the ups and downs, we want to stay with our partners until our hair turns grey and our faces are filled with wrinkles. We want to have children who will be brilliant in intellect and wonderful in character and who will serve us until our final breath. However, that is not always the reality.

How many times have we heard of cases of domestic violence or emotional abuse or infidelity among spouses? Of fathers raping their children and mothers forming romantic relationships with their sons? Of once very loving partners now dragging each other in courts of law and hanging their dirty linen outside? Of children attempting to kill their own parents or siblings? How many times? It is so easy for us to think, ‘that could never be me’ yet how many times have we witnessed the tables turn, and in the worst way possible?

Most of us fail to realize how fragile our fates are and how we are in desperate need of Allah’s mercy and protection. Don’t let it confuse you-not every spoilt, criminal child is a result of a poor upbringing, and not every divorced partner is a result of awful character. For how many times have we witnessed pious, humble spouses from good families having the cruelest children who were but a test to them? And how many times have we seen two good individuals who were better in their separate ways rather than in a marriage? And how many negligent parents have the most responsible and kind children?

Allah Subhanahu Wataala says in Surat Al Furqan, verse 20: ‘…And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.’

Think about it- Nabii Lut’s wife, Nabii Nuh’s son, Nabii Ibrahim’s father were among the disbelievers. Nabii Yusuf’s brothers were the plotters against him, and Asiya’s husband, Fira’un, was the worst man to have walked this earth….

Think about the boy who was killed by Al Khidr during his journey with Nabii Musa aleyhi ssalam in Surat Kahf (verse 80 – 81) And Al Khidr explains to Nabii Musa why he ended the boy’s life in this verse:

“And as for the boy, his parents were ˹true˺ believers, and we feared that he would pressure them into defiance and disbelief. So we hoped that their Lord would give them another, more virtuous and caring in his place.”

This was a mercy from Allah to the parents-saving them from a child who was potentially going to mislead them. Yet sometimes Allah allows the child to live on and become a test to his parents.

Similarly, think of the case of Zaid ibn Harith (the adopted son of the prophet peace be upon him) who had to divorce Zeinab bint Jahsh because of the troubles in their marriage despite both of them being among the sahabas; good, pious people. And Allah Subhanahu Wataala revealed to the prophet peace be upon him to marry Zeinab after the divorce (And this was to show the validity of marrying an adopted son’s ex-wife).

…The list goes on and on. Weren’t these prophets and most pious individuals? Yet they too endured tests within their families Subhanallah.

'O you who have believed, indeed, among your spouses and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive - then indeed, Allāh is Forgiving and Merciful. Your wealth and your children are but a trial, and Allah has with Him a great reward.'

(Surat At-Taghabun, verse 14 - 15)

When I was younger I used to think that if a spouse is pious and affectionate with their spouse, and they raised their children upon the deen then nothing could ever go wrong. But boy, didn’t life open up my eyes? It is very scary and sad when we look around our own families and friends’ marriages and see the kind of struggles people have to endure. And for every one person that I meet that says, ‘Get married, it is such a beautiful thing’ I meet four others who say, ‘Don’t rush. Take your time for what awaits on the other side is not a joke.’ It is even more heartbreaking to see what children have to endure as a result of broken homes or the kind of monsters created within them from the experiences they endure. Or sometimes we see parents violate and abuse their own children and vice versa, and it really terrifies me that none of us is guaranteed an upright spouse who will fear Allah on you and your children or children who will honour you after you gave them the best kind of upbringing.

It all goes back to what Allah has decreed upon us- and sometimes, these same people who are meant to be blessings, become the hardest trials upon us (May Allah protect us). I think it is timely to say that, the next time you see someone in a tough marriage, or who is divorced, don’t be quick to judge their character or religiosity. Just the same way when you see a child abusing drugs or harming his/her own family members, don’t be quick to point fingers at the parents for poor upbringing. And of course, these trials are not necessarily only within the direct family. Sometimes the in-laws are the test, or one’s parents or grandparents, or siblings or extended family.

Truly life is not simply black and white. If anything, whenever we see someone suffering at the hands of their own people, or when we see people harming their own loved ones, we should be quick to make dua for them and for ourselves, our children, and our families -for very very easily could we be tested the same exact way or worse.

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Ya Allah, we come to you with our hopes and fears with regards to our homes.

Ya Allah, please grant us peaceful homes that will be filled with Your remembrance. Please grant us spouses, children, families and in-laws who will be huge blessings to us, and us to them. Ya Allah, please do not test us with our spouses, children, parents, siblings, families or in-laws. Ya Allah make our families have the fear of You with regards to us and enable us to be among Your most beloved worshippers.

Ya Allah, please grant us spouses who will bring us closer to you. Who will be merciful, kind and compassionate towards us throughout the highs and lows of life. Ya Allah make them fit in well with our families and let us fit well with their families. Ya Allah make our spouses honour our parents like their own and make us do the same for their parents. Ya Allah grant us an understanding of one another, patience towards each others’ shortcomings and love and mercy that lasts till Jannah.

Ya Allah grant us offsprings who will grow up in Your remembrance; who will love You and dedicate their lives to your worship. Ya Allah make Your book, the Qur’an, beloved to them and to us, and make them among those who not only recite it beautifully but memorize it and apply its teachings to their lives.

Ya Allah, if you have written for us spouses and offspring who will be a test for us, we beg You to change that fate for us and grant us in their place spouses and offspring who will be a huge blessing to us.

Ya Allah make our spouses, children, and families feel most safe with us, and may we feel most safe with them. Ya Allah protect us from divorce, and unhappy marriages that can only be survived and endured, and lifeless marriages that lack love and compassion, and ungrateful children and displeasure of parents and cruelty of in-laws.

Ya Allah please bless our homes and protect us from all evil, conflict, ayn, hasad and sihr.

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

‘Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.’

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ

‘My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring.’


رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ

‘My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and from my descendants. Our Lord, and accept my supplication.’

رَبَّنَا وَٱجْعَلْنَا مُسْلِمَيْنِ لَكَ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِنَآ أُمَّةًۭ مُّسْلِمَةًۭ لَّكَ وَأَرِنَا مَنَاسِكَنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَآ ۖ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ ٱلتَّوَّابُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ

‘Our Lord! Make us submissive to You and make out of our descendants a community that submits itself to You, and show us the ways of Your worship, and turn to us in mercy. You are Much-Relenting, Most Compassionate.’


رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَالِدَيَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضَاهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِي ۖ إِنِّي تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِين

‘My Lord! Inspire me to ˹always˺ be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instil righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit ˹to Your Will˺.’

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنْ لَدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً ۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ

‘My Lord, grant me from Yourself a good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication.’

اللَّهُمَّ أَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِنَا وَأَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنَا وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلاَمِ وَنَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّورِ وَجَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَبَارِكْ لَنَا فِي أَسْمَاعِنَا وَأَبْصَارِنَا وَقُلُوبِنَا وَأَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ وَاجْعَلْنَا شَاكِرِينَ لِنِعْمَتِكَ مُثْنِينَ بِهَا قَابِلِيهَا وَأَتِمَّهَا عَلَيْنَا‏.‏

‘O Allah, join our hearts, mend our social relationship, guide us to the path of peace, bring us from darkness to light, save us from obscenities, outward or inward, and bless our ears, our eyes, our hearts, our wives, our children, and relent toward us; Thou art the Relenting, the Merciful. And make us grateful for Thy blessing and make us praise it while accepting it and give it to us in full.’

Ameen ameen ameen!

***

Alhamdulilah we are blessed to be alive within the last ten days of Ramadhan. May Allah grant us the chance to experience laylatul qadr while in worship. May He grant us redemption, accept our good deeds and elevate our status, ameen!

Kindly subscribe below to stay tuned with part 5 of this series: ‘Getting attached to the Dunya’ in Shaa Allah. And please share the link to your networks, shukran! Stay blessed in shaa Allah 🙂

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TURNING FEARS INTO DUAS (PART 1)

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Introduction

The only fear a Muslim should have is the fear of Allah i.e. taqwa (God-consciousness). The fear of falling into sin and earning punishment from Allah. The fear of acquiring His wrath. The fear of becoming unworthy of His love and mercy. Yet we are expected to have a healthy balance between that fear and hope in Allah.

Allah Subhanahu Wataala said:

إِنَّهُمْ كَانُوا يُسَارِعُونَ فِي الْخَيْرَاتِ وَيَدْعُونَنَا رَغَبًا وَرَهَبًا ۖ وَكَانُوا لَنَا خَاشِعِينَ

“Verily, they would hasten to good deeds and supplicate to Us in hope and fear, and they were humbly submissive to Us.” (Surah Al-Anbiya 21:90)

And our prophet peace be upon him said:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْلَمْتُ وَجْهِي إِلَيْكَ وَفَوَّضْتُ أَمْرِي إِلَيْكَ وَأَلْجَأْتُ ظَهْرِي إِلَيْكَ رَغْبَةً وَرَهْبَةً إِلَيْكَ

“O Allah, I submit my face to you and entrust my affair to you. I commit myself to you out of hope and fear of you.” (Sahih Muslim 2710)

The Muslim has hope in Allah; that He will forgive him and have mercy on him. He has good expectations of his Lord for the good deeds he does in this life. Yet the fear is to motivate him to stay away from sin and to repent often. It makes us mindful of our deeds and our relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wataala.

“The heart on its path to Allah the Almighty is like a bird, where love is its head, and fear and hope are its wings.”

(Ibn Al Qayyim)

I once had this conversation with a good friend who sent me a clip by sister Yasmin Mogahed. She was talking about converting our fears into duas in an amazing way I hadn’t really thought about. Of course, we make dua all the time, and sometimes we mention our fears in it, but it is not really an intentional effort but rather a subconscious one. The importance of understanding what we’re asking from Allah is so that one is not simply chorusing the memorized duas, but rather, customizing those duas to be specific to one’s deepest fears and talking to Allah about them. It is having a deep conversation like He is your dearest friend; you open up, you become vulnerable, and you show your weakness and shortcomings as a Human being. Then you ask Him to save you, to protect you from all those matters that bring fear to your heart.

As we begin this series on ‘Turning Fears into Duas’, I would love to end the introduction with an amazing dua by a pious predecessor by the name Habiba Al-‘Adawiyah as stated in the remarkable book ‘Prayers of the Pious’ by Sheikh Omar Suleiman. This wonderful woman had a custom that towards the middle of the night, she would head to the rooftop and would call out to Allah with these wonderful words:

“O Allah, the stars have vanished, the eyes have slept, the kings have locked their doors, and Your door remains open. Every lover has found privacy with their beloved, and here I am standing before You.”

Here we are…our dua begins…

***

Ramadhan Mubarak dear reader. May Allah Subhanahu Wataala accept you among His most beloved servants, ameen!

Please subscribe (at the bottom of the page) to receive direct notifications on this series (and others). Stay tuned for Part 2: ‘Turning Fears into Duas: Misguidance, Humiliation and Death Upon Them.’

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THE FACE OF LOVE

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I can feel the love of Allah
in my bones
A warm, soft blanket embracing me
like a fetus in the womb
A certainty of His Mercy
engraved in my soul
Soothing me
over every hurt of tragedy
and every wound of confusion

I have taken
God
as my friend
A special love language
shared between us
Where I talk for long hours
in the deadness of the night
In murmurs
and quavers
and rambles
and He listens through it all
Keenly
Tirelessly
Repeatedly

My Lord and I
have built this bond
where I ask
and He grants me my wishes
in abundance
or in superior firms
His affection encompassing
the entirety
of my universe
Sometimes,
We sit in utter silence
Him,
Understanding the language of my heart
and I,
receiving His compassion
in portions bigger than
my form

And whenever I think of Him
a spring of gratitude gushes within me
Washing off me any residues
of doubt
and uncertainty of this life
The impermanence of this world
vivid with every death
and every departure
I want nothing of this universe
and all its planets of deceit

A splendid day will dawn
upon mankind
where souls
will be filled with euphoria
of fulfilled dreams
and enriched beauty
Yet my heart swells with
a yearning that is
richer
than all of paradise
For on that fine day
there would be nothing
more beloved
than gazing at the Magnificent Face
of My Love.

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INVOCATION II

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I come to you once again

Lord of my frail heart

and wandering thoughts

To You I belong

and to You

I seek refuge

from the atrocities

of my soul

I send peace and blessings 

to the embodiment of Mercy

The epitome of beauty

and the essence of bravery

My beloved prophet

Muhammad

Salla Llahu aleyhi Wassalam

*

I call unto you

Ya Kareem

with dear wishes 

and dire needs

that none can grant me

But You

Respond to me

My Lord

For there’s no response

more beloved to me

than Your response

*

Ya Salam

Ya Wakeel

I hand you the affairs of my mother

For her worry is too big

for the universe

and too small for You

Grant her serenity

Oh Giver of peace

when the world seems

a bit too much for her

Grant her Your Love

Ya Wadood

For she is the manifestation of widaad

donning love

in all its shapes

and all its colours

Grant her Your Highest Jannah

For You are Al Wahhab

The Great Giver of gifts

and she is Wahiba

the receiver of Your gift of giving

And what better reward than a most beautiful garden

For a lover of gardens?!

*

I pray to you

Ya Raafi’

Elevate the status of my father in the heavens

Make the angels chorus his name

Let the humans know his title

on a day that everyone 

seeks Your attention

Ya Malik

Grant Him palaces next to You

of majestic, magnificent architecture

than he’s ever dreamed of

For he has raised daughters

And sons

And grandchildren

in a way that suits 

Your love 

and grand Mercy

*

I beg You

Oh Most Pure One

Purify my sisters 

my brothers

my nephews and nieces

for they seek nothing

than Your purity

Ya Muhaymin

I beseech You to be their Guardian

and Their Light

in a world that is so wicked

and so wrong

in so many ways

Grant them goodness

Ya Barr

For you’re the source of goodness

And a Benefactor of a kind

Fill them with happiness and joy

in both this world

and the one that comes

next

*

Ya Rahman

I have loved ones in the graves

Ones that I miss dearly

Ones that I pray for mostly

Pardon them 

Oh Pardoner

Illuminate their spaces

in a way that befits You

Ya An-Nur

Grant them new homes

more beautiful

Than they left behind

Grant us a reunion

more joyful

more blissful

more pleasant

than we could ever envision.

*

I invoke you

Ya Baasit

Extend to me,

my lovely family,

my cherished friends,

and my very dear ones

Your Mercy

in all that we do

Guide us to Your path

and make us steadfast

in it

Give us wisdom

when we are blinded by the world

Grant us ease

when nothing seems easy

Enrich us, Ya Mughni

with faith 

and hope

with contentment 

and peace

with love 

and compassion

Make us among Your favourites

for I yearn for nothing

more than that

Oh My Beloved.

I pray.

I pray. 

I pray.

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INVOCATION I

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Photo by Idina Risk from Pexels

I beseech Your aid

Oh God

For my heart has become a graveyard

with withered flowers

and weeds of undesirability

I can no longer bear the weight

of the caskets carrying

the deadness of my emotions

My doom-laden pillars crumbling

at the height of my anxiety

and my tombstone

displaying engravings

of all the letters

of pain

***

I invoke you

Ya Allah

This desolation

has brought me to my knees

My hands raised high

to the sky

Save me, Oh God

For my mind has become

a battle field of abrupt wars

and hostile armies

Only this time

I am both the ally

and the enemy

Corpses of my thoughts

lie around like hungry fleas

sucking the life

out of me.

***

I beg for mercy

My Lord,

This affliction

is wrecking my soul

An air hunger seizing my lungs

amid a thunderstorm of craze

A heavy downpour of anguish

floods my entire being

while the strong winds howl

at the loss

of my sanity

***

I implore you

My Creator

For a miracle

When everything seems impossible

Let your

Light

Beam through this shadow

Turn the valley of my wounds

Into river beds

Where your Mercy

Can flow through

If my soul is in the shade that pleases you

Then I ask,

O Maker of suns,

To show me how to bloom.

I pray.

I pray.

I pray.

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RAMADHAN EDITION: AYAHS THAT MELT THE HEART (2)

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Image Courtesy: Pinterest

I find the words in the Qur’an to be so mesmerizing, so profound they can cause you a shiver from its depth. Picking my favourite ayahs has been really hard because I find the entire book to be very intense. Every verse comes with a yet better heart felt message than the previous. Yet, here is what I came up with at the end.

1.

The ayah focuses on the people Allah loves who are the doers of good.
First, we learn that there are two kinds of charity; one that you give when you have surplus and another when you give while you barely have anything yourself. This shows the importance of charity for every mankind but without putting one in distress (taklif) for it. For the rich, so that they can get rid of the greed within themselves and for the less rich, to be more selfless towards other human beings.

Abu Huraira reported: A man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, which charity has the greatest reward?” The Prophet said, “That you give charity while you are healthy, feeling greedy, fearing poverty, and hoping to be rich. Do not delay giving until you are on your deathbed, then say give to such a person. It already belongs to that person.” (Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1353)

In another hadith, the prophet peace be upon him says,”The best of all charity is when the one with little strives to give; start with those you are responsible for.” [Hakim, Sahih] This also stresses the importance of looking after your family first before extending your charity to other people. As the saying goes, ‘charity begins at home’, and truly, what is the point of helping the entire world while your own people sleep hungry and struggle alone?

Then the ayah goes on to mention that Allah loves those who restrain their anger, forgive and are merciful to other human beings. If only we applied this verse into our daily lives…half of our conflicts would be non-existent. If only we were more understanding of the human nature and merciful towards one another. There is a story concerning this that I really love.

“One day Ja’far As-Sadiq wanted to perform ablution, he asked his slave to pour water on his hands from a jug. As the slave began to pour the water, some of it spleashed onto Ja’far’s garment, which resulted in Ja’far giving his slave a reproachful look. Fearing punishment, the servant said:

وَالۡكٰظِمِيۡنَ الۡغَيۡظَ

‘Those Who repress their anger’

Ja’far said reassuringly, ‘I have repressed my anger.’

وَالۡعَافِيۡنَ عَنِ النَّاسِ​ؕ

‘And those who pardon men’, said the slave.

‘I have indeed pardoned you,’ said Ja’far.

وَاللّٰهُ يُحِبُّ الۡمُحۡسِنِيۡنَ​ۚ‏

‘Verily Allah loves the good doers,’ said the slave expectantly.

‘Go. You are free from the countenance of Allah and you may take from my wealth 1000 dinars.’

(Excerpt from the book: ‘Glimpses of the lives of the righteous people’)

May Allah make us among the good doers. Ameen.

 

2.

Life is always going to be a bumpy ride. There will always be moments whereby we struggle to understand what is happening or what we should do or just feeling like our world is coming to an end. However pious one is, we all need reassurance. We all need someone, something to remind us that such is life, that things will eventually get better. Because this life will never be thunder and storms all the time. Sometimes there is a peaceful breeze and a beautiful sun. There is always a balance. No one’s life is entirely darkness nor is there someone experiencing 24/7 unlimited access to happiness. In these moments, Allah (S.W.) tells the believers that remembering Him is what brings tranquility to the soul. It is in remembering him that we are reassured.

3.

Every other day, we lose something in our lives. Could be something we hold dear; a person, an opportunity, a job, our loved ones…but here Allah (S.W) promises us something. That so long as there’s a seed of goodness with you, however small, He will grant you something better than what He has taken from you. He doesn’t say, ‘If Allah knows of a huge amount of goodness in you…’ He says ‘ANY GOOD’. That shows how merciful Allah is. He will be there for you despite your wrongdoings, your negligence of the deen, despite your flaws…He will give you something you never imagined having. So grieve not dear heart, for your Lord is a great Lord.

 

4.

Have you ever sat by yourself and reflected on your life and thought, ‘I don’t deserve jannah?’ The sins seems to be too many. The past seems so dark, full of mistakes and regrets. You keep slipping back to sins over and over and over again. You repent over and over and over and Allah forgives you. But then you just keep falling again and again. That is the human nature. We will never be infallible. We all have things we are not proud of. We all have mistakes we wish we could undo. But here Allah (S.W) is reminding us that He is THEE MOST MERCIFUL and that however many your sins are, He is ready to forgive you if you repent. So never despair. Never think that your sins are too big for His mercy. You have a chance. I have a chance. We all have a chance to start afresh and change our lives for the better.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent.” (Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2499)

5.

The entire Surat Luqman is definitely one of the best chapters in the Qur’an (Especially when recited with a qar’i like Islam Sobhi :p ). But more so, is the advice of Luqman to his son which is like a life skills session of its own.

يَٰبُنَىَّ أَقِمِ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأْمُرْ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَٱنْهَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَٱصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَصَابَكَ ۖ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ ٱلْأُمُورِ (١٧)
O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.

وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا ۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ (١٨)
And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful.

‘And be patient over what befalls you…’ I find this specific part to be have so much depth in it. The ayahs are quite straightforward and Luqman aleyhi ssalam’s wisdom is worth adhering to.

Please take a moment to go through the entire surah with its translation, and learn more in shaa Allah.

***

Let us meet here next week in shaa Allah for the third part of the series. In the mean time, I hope you’re having a great ramadhan and that you are using your time well. And because I want us to spend our time wisely, here’s a youtube series to watch after your ibaadah. It is the best series to restore your faith in humanity and it has daily episodes with English subtitles.

Here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTYNerRYjdiyRNR6LgRmOOQ

If you don’t know of it, thank me later! Or rather, include me in your duas 🙂

***

In another important news, we are trying to assist a brother pay his outstanding university fee balance of 91,730/= of three semesters. He pays for his own fees and thus lacks support. Kindly let us join hands and help with whatever little we can to clear his debt so he can resume classes and have access to exams. We will be conducting this fundraising for this entire week till next Saturday in shaa Allah. Mpesa no: 0704 731 560 (Lubnah). Yallah, Bismillah.

“Whoever alleviates (the situation of) one in dire strauts who cannot repay his debt, Allah will alleviate his lot in both this world and in the hereafter.” (Muslim)

Don’t forget to subscribe and share! Thank you and sawm maqbul!

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