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As much as the boy child is always counted as a great blessing for he is the heir of the family name, the girl child is usually given more attention. The girl child at a very tender age is given cookery toys and dolls to play with. She is psychologically being prepared to be a mother and a cook. She is taught about the kitchen before she even knows how to comb her hair. She is being prepared to be a wife. She is being prepared for marriage. The girl child is made to understand that whatever the case she will end up at her home. With a degree or not, the end is still going to be the same.
While this little girl is playing with sufurias and frying pans, the boy child is given car toys and aeroplanes and guns. He is psychologically being taught that that is what makes up a good life. He grows up dreaming of owning cars and aeroplanes and to be a hero somewhere. He is given the priority to learn and gets the best education.
The girl child is taught that she is the symbol of dignity of the house. She is taught how to respect herself and people around her. She is strictly told to hold onto values and woe unto the girl who comes home with her stomach bulging out. She will be shunned away and the family would not want anything to do with her again. When a girl sneaks out she is beaten up and given punishments for destroying the name of the family. But what of the boy? Why is he tolerated when he comes past midnight? Why does no one bother to know who are his friends? Why isn’t he taught how to be responsible as early as the girl child? Why doesn’t no one know of his whereabouts and what he is doing out there? Why isn’t he taught the value of family? Or even how to respect the woman?
When the girl is known not to be a virgin before marriage, suitors turn away and neighbours will talk about it forever. But isnt it funny that the suitor who turned away has slept around with a number of women and probably has a child out of wedlock? Ironically, this boy will sit with his mum and he will insist on getting a virgin wife and they will talk ill of all the girls who ruined their dignity by playing around. He will talk of wanting a girl with well manners but what of himself? Does he even have respect for himself to demand it from others? He will ask for a wife that can cook but can he even fix the tap? So is it that all these rules are only applied on the girl child? Why isnt the boy taught how to responsible from a tender age? Why isnt he taught the important things as changing the lamp as the girl is taught how to cook? Why isn’t he taught that he also reflects the dignity and respect of the family name? Why isn’t he taught that the woman is not a play toy and deserves utmost respect? Why isn’t he taught and trained how to be a good father and a good husband long before he is one? Why isn’t he taught how to protect the women of the family or the value of true love?
Why is it that the boy child is forgiven when he brings home a child out of wedlock and the grandma takes care of the child with love while the girl is chased away from home for the same reason? Why is it that this same boy who has made several girls abort is the same one who beats his sister for getting pregnant? Why do we make it okay that a boy who finally decided to settle down deserves a good wife why can’t a girl with a dark past deserve a good husband for she too has decided to settle down? Why don’t we teach the boy to grow as a gentleman as noble as we make the girl grow? Why do we make the girl’s mistakes so grave while the same when done with a boy then we just count it as a mistake and give lame excuses for it? Why ain’t we as proud when a girl graduates with high dignitaries as much as we would be proud had it been the boy?
Maybe it’s really high time we knew how to balance between the two. Maybe we should really make the boy understand what is expected from him as early as possible. Maybe we should appreciate more the girl who holds onto her dignity and chastity for her family’s sake. Maybe we should be proud of the struggles of the girl as much as of the boy. Maybe we should also keep a keen eye on the whereabouts of the boy as of the girl. Maybe we should give both of them as much attention as they deserve. Maybe…just maybe we will then, be able to create a better society of high moral values and principles.
WHY YOU SHOULD MAINTAIN YOUR RAPPORT WITH YOUR GOD
By Lubnah Abdulhalim
Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy
Most of the times we have a parasitic relationship with God but that’s just because we have an ego and we tend to forget that God doesn’t need anything from us or any part of us. Many of us have heard the words ‘keep God first’ that they became a cliche’ to us. We then started taking the words for granted. But just take a deeper look at these words. Sink in them and you will find true tranquility and truth in them. Maybe that’s why all successful people keep repeating these words to us in their advice. Maybe they discovered the truth in these words that we haven’t yet. Here is why you should maintain a good relationship with Him.
1. You need Him. He doesn’t.
However hard headed or arrogant or proud you are, you are nothing but a servant before Him. He has millions of creatures bowing down for Him and one less doesn’t change one little bit of anything in this world. But for me and you, we need Him whether you choose to go towards only when in need or always..need is permanent. When we get what we want for now, sooner or later we’ll still need something else which no one else can grant us expect God.
2. He is in control. You are not.
If you were suddenly attacked by a gangster and he is holding his gun right in his hand you would tremble. You would cry. You would beg. You would ask for a chance to live. Why? Because he can easily end your life. He can decide to burn your house as well. He may decide to steal what you worked for all your life. Yet still he may decide to let go of you without harming you in any way. God can do all that only that He is no gangster. All your life is in His hands..but the other difference between Him and the gangster is that you don’t see him but He sees you which makes the whole affair complex yet so simple. The gangster is in control of you at that moment but God is always in control of your life since you take your first breath to the last. However wealthy or healthy you may be then you are indebted to God for letting you have what you have.
3. He is permanent. Everything else is not.
You may have the entire world’s happiness, wealth, health or maybe a factory of chocolates but still in a blink you may wake up with totally NOTHING. Family may die, friends may betray you, wealth and health may depart you but God will always be there for you; in both good and bad times. Everything comes to an end only God doesn’t.
In all religions in the world, we believe in a God that has wrath and great anger on those who disobey Him. We are told of how we will be punished once we die and pay for our sins but yet still we are told of His great mercy alot lot more times more than his wrath. We are easily forgiven by making it up with small good deeds. We earn rewards for little compassion like that of helping an old man crossing the road. What more proof do we need than that of the man who killed 99 people and was told that he will never be forgiven and killed that person making it 100 and yet he was still forgiven.
5. Best of business deals are with Him.
So many philosophers talk of how giving is receiving. The more you give the more you see bounty flowing into your life. You give a coin and get ten more plus a generous bonus of eternal happiness and joy. You smile and you get multiple of smiles back so where would you ever get such unbelievably generous contracts anywhere?
If you had a boss as wealthy as God, as generous as God, as firm as God, as loving as God wouldn’t you be addressing him with such respect never seen before? Wouldn’t you always want to be associated with him? Wouldn’t you be calling him always? Wouldn’t you want to make a best friend out of him? Wouldn’t you want to share with him both your sorrows and joy? Wouldn’t you want to never annoy him and always be in the safe side with him? Wouldn’t you want to speak very cautiously with him? If you had a boss who had written down all his plans on your work; when he will raise your salary, when he will give you a higher post, when he will demote you or when he will fire you, wouldn’t you work extra hard to please him, wouldnt you sweet talk him to change his plan of demoting or firing you? Wouldn’t you ensure a very good relationship with him so that he can raise you more and give you better opportunities? But there will never be such a boss because such great qualities can only be all found at once in God. Moreover, we all make plans each and every day but how many times do they eventually turn out impossible? That’s because your boss has a supreme boss; God, who makes other plans for us while we create our own. So make sure you have a good rapport with Him. Make sure you are in His good books so that He can always remember you. Make sure you love Him as much He loves you.
So just for a moment kneel down and say a sincere prayer to God. Even if you alright. Even if you have everything at the moment. And even if you have so many troubles or too busy…just take this moment to sincerely thank God for what you had, what you have right now and whatever plans He has for your future, for His plans for you are always perfect. So talk to Him from the deepest part of your heart. Talk to Him and He will silently listen. Do that often; all successful people do.
Photo Courtesy: Unknown
I’m sure people would be wondering why I keep repeating the issue on maturity again and again but that is simply because we underestimate the importance of it in our lives. Maturity is the beginning of everything; positive thinking, living wisely and moderately, getting to our goals, having a focus, acquiring true happiness and much more. All our success in life depends on maturity.
According to the oxford dictionary, maturity is the quality of thinking and behaving in a sensible, adult manner. While the antonym to this is immaturity or what others would consider as childishness. What most fail to understand is that ‘immaturity’ and ‘childishness’ may have almost or same meaning but they do have a difference that is not all that distinct. During my research on this I came across the most convincing definitions that can at least show the difference.
Childishness: is being childlike, liking things that would appeal to children, being so-called “young at heart”. Most of the time, childishness is harmless.
Immaturity: is failure to mature and take the responsibilities of an adult, failure to behave like an adult, failure to control your emotions like an adult.
As much as these words could be similar or different, most of the times maturity, immaturity and childishness vary according to the context and the person’s own perspectives. When one person attacks another in public especially in front of an important audience like in a meeting or conference and start a fight with another, that may be considered as immaturity. When the other person who has been attacked decides to stay calm and not fight back, that’s what we’d call maturity. But to bring forth the difference
between immaturity and childishness can be quite tricky. For example, I may consider that a boy above twenty years who still wears conspicuously coloured clothes with funny hairstyles that can make you notice them at the furthest end of the road, as immaturity while some may consider this ‘swag’ as fashion. One may consider it childish when a married person still watches cartoon while someone else may consider that as mere fun.
You may meet a person at his job place. He may be so noisy and plays pranks at his mates and irritates them…they’d consider him to be childish but you may be surprised that that same person could be the best employee in the firm, he knows exactly what his responsibilities are and can act maturely when he sees fit. So its not strange at all to find a person who is considered childish yet they are mature enough.
As much as childishness is oftenly used in a disapproving manner it is still considered harmless or at least, less harmless than immaturity. The word ‘childlike’ is used in a more approving manner for example having a childlike imagination or fantasy.
Since I’ve always been over emotional about everything I’ve frequently been considered to be childish but its harmless! It doesnt make me immature or lack of responsibility.
Another example, when a student decides to go out for a party when they have an exam the next day that is immaturity while when a lady boss comes to work with a hello kitty top to work, that’s childishness. Starting to get the difference now?
Emotional maturity refers to your ability to understand, and manage, your emotions. It enables you to create the life you desire. A life filled with happiness and fulfilment. You define success in your own terms, not society’s, and you strive to achieve it.
Emotional maturity allows you to take charge of your life. You have your own vision for your life and your own ambition for success. Focusing on realising your vision, you can create a happy, healthy life where you respect yourself and others. When you develop emotional maturity, life becomes a joy rather than a chore. Your happiness and fulfilment are in your hands. Emotional maturity doesn’t evolve overnight. It takes effort, practice and patience. If you can improve a little every day, you will soon be living a happier, more fulfilled life.
According to psychologists, these are signs of emotional maturity
Each person has a different level of emotional maturity. It is something which you can consistently work on and improve over time. You can use the following signs of emotional maturity to gauge your own level:
You are able to see each situation as unique and you can adapt your style accordingly.
You take responsibility for your own life. You understand that your current circumstances are a result of the decisions you have taken up to now. When something goes wrong, you do not rush to blame others. You identify what you can do differently the next time and develop a plan to implement these changes.
3. You understand that vision trumps knowledge
You know that you do not need to have all the answers. As long as you can identify the problem, you can visualise a solution and research the best way to implement that solution.
Meeting the challenges of tomorrow requires learning and development today. You have a desire to learn and a thirst for knowledge. Learning and development activities form a key part of your schedule.
5. You seek alternative views
Knowing that the way things are done can always be improved, you willingly seek out the opinions and views of others. You do not feel threatened when people disagree with you. If you feel that their way is better, you are happy to run with it.
Variety makes the world a more beautiful place. Even when you disagree with people, you do not feel the need to criticise them. Instead, you respect their right to their beliefs.
There will always be things that go wrong. There will always be setbacks and major disappointments. While you may initially be a little upset, emotional maturity allows you to express your feelings, identify the actions you can take, and move on.
It’s hard to be calm 100% of the time but you are able to remain calm the majority of the time.
You are not deluded. You know that success requires effort and patience. You do, though, have an optimistic disposition whereby you believe you can cope with whatever life throws at you. You also believe that there are opportunities out there for you, so you seek them out.
You are usually easy to get along with and people feel comfortable approaching you. Building relationships is never contrived; it comes easy to you.
You appreciate when others praise or compliment you. It feels good when they approve. However, you know that there will always be people who disapprove but you are confident in who you are and what you do. If you believe that a particular course of action is right for you, you will do it, whether they approve or not.
You don’t take yourself too seriously. You are able to enjoy a good laugh with friends and colleagues, even when you are the butt of the joke.
Other qualities of a matured person as per psychologists are as follows.
1. A mature person is able to keep long-term commitments.
One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Part of this means a student is able to keep commitments even when they are no longer new or novel. They can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don’t feel like it.
2. A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism.
As people mature, they sooner or later understand that nothing is as good as it seems and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.
3. A mature person possesses a spirit of humility.
Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to their Creator who gave them the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance.
4. A mature person’s decisions are based on character not feelings.
Mature people—students or adults—live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond merely reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.
5. A mature person expresses gratitude consistently.
Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it, compared to most of the world’s population.
6. A mature person knows how to prioritize others before themselves.
A wise man once said: A mature person is one whose agenda revolves around others, not self. Certainly this can go to an extreme and be unhealthy, but I believe a pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to meet the needs of others less fortunate.
7. A mature person seeks wisdom before acting.
Finally, a mature person is teachable. They don’t presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or from other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom.
I hope the insights by the different psychologists will help you develop into a better person; a matured leader of tomorrow.
